Sober - Tumblr Posts

Told myself I wouldn't do it again!

I was sober, and now I'm drunk again 🥴

I’m 9 months sober today.

If I think about it, I can really scare myself. If i think about it, I can notice my perception become untrustworthy. I can notice my breathing pattern become mechanical and in need to be fixed. I wonder if it’s just me feeling more “in my head.” Living in my thoughts, or “feeling like I’m watching a movie,” “a simulation.” Sure, I identify with who I see in the mirror. But opposite to that idea, I need to reassure myself that I am still me; when I’m driving, when I get into the flow at work, when I just haven’t seen my reflection for a few hours, the panic sets in. And the worst kind, a difficult to pin point kind of panic.

I feel like a child how I can’t find the right words to express the fear I get all of a sudden. Am I just an amateur at being sober? What perception did I have when I was a stoner? I don’t bother asking myself what being sober was like before weed because I know I don’t remember. And what I do remember is skewed by the oppression and injustice I did face during those times.

I can feel myself get better every day tho. I got really excited last night because, despite me losing track, I can confidently say that I’ve been sober for 2 whole weeks. How cliche to say “I never thought,” but I never even imagined. I am proud of myself, I feel hopeful, and I do feel happier. But more annoyingly I feel like I’ve got a shit ton more to work on. Which is a blessing, a privilege,and an opportunity that others don’t. I reckon I just take it slow,

Hello!

Hi there! I'm Jewel (they/them.) I'm transitioning to be the host of my osdd system and I wanted to make a tumblr because the other host seemed to have a lot of fun with it. I've slowly been taking more and more time fronting and revealing the work I've been doing behind the scenes so that the other host didn't freak the absolute fuck out. I don't have a lot of friends I can talk to about systems so it would be really cool to find fun mutuals and friends. my dms are super super open :)

We're in recovery from addiction/alcoholism, which has been a journey for sure. I like to listen to music and read fanfictions of fandoms im not in lol.

Anywaysss. It's honestly pretty lonely right now because only one other person (other than our therapist) knows about us irl. This is me shamelessly begging for friends and people to talk to.

Today (or yesterday at 11 pm technically) I reached a hundred days clean of my self-harm addiction.

I don’t know what anything will hold in store

I’m not too scared about that or even stressed

I still believe I’ll get worse again but at the moment, I’m okay

it’s “fuck it let’s do it” until ur an addict can’t stand being sober for even 1 day anymore

I never knew that I would love you more when you were sober. I never knew that you'd care more when that stupid substance took ahold of your body.

but i do now.

Sometimes, most of your friends have an associated Homestuck character.

And sometimes they're REALLY CRAZY.

So you have NO OTHER CHOICE THAN DRAWING IT.

macie może jakieś rady przetrwać schodzenie z kodeiny? bo czuje się fatalnie, nie mam ochoty żyć i nie wiem czy się nie złamie i nie sięgnę po thiocodin :)))

do you have any tips for surviving coming off codeine? because I feel terrible, I don't feel like living and I don't know if I'll not break down and will not take codeine pills :)))) pls help me get through this

this is my first day off codeine and I already feel terrible, i don't want to live, I'm afraid of the next days, (as long as I can stand it and not take the pills again...) 😭😭😭

my whole body hurts, but pain of my thoughts are way more painful

it's 2nd day of coming off the codeine, I took 7 pills so as not to feel so much withdrawal effects, I also took a zomirene pill, which has benzodiazepines in it, to also fell the withdrawal effects a bit, but it's very hard, everything hurts, I don't know what to with myself, horrible, really sucks, i already miss the feeling and "happiness" that codeine pills gave me

We are searchlights // We can see in the dark // We are rockets pointed up at the stars // We are billions of beautiful hearts

Loving this new P!nk song. Not only are the lyrics beautiful, her voice is highlighted so well in this song. I love this song coming from her.

There’s nothing but you // My perfect rock bottom // My beautiful trauma

This P!NK performance was insane! Not only was this death-defying performance amazing to watch, but her vocals sounded absolutely perfect!

A Letter To A Drug Dealer. As you read this letter  I want you to know the devastation  That you have caused to families.  Perhaps you're beyond caring. All you see is the money you have made,  Or perhaps you don't have a Conscience at all. I'm writing this letter to let you know  The misery you inflict to millions of innocent people,  People you don't know,  The unheard cry of agony.  Ordinary families trying to get by  And do the best for their children,  Sons or daughters that you don't care about,  Lives destroyed at your hands.  Kids that you deliberately set out to get hooked on drugs. When you're a parent and have children,  You want the best for them. You want them to grow up to be happy,  Independent, and make their way in the world,  To be honest and hard working.  What you can't protect them from is the outside world,  Monsters like you, Who roam free to destroy lives. You look on helplessly as you watch  The child you brought into the world  Change in front of your eyes,  And all you see is death looking back at you,  And there's nothing you can do.  As you see their personalities change  From a bright, caring and loving person,  A person who has a future  Into something that you just don't recognize anymore. The family is destroyed because a Monster like you  Has gotten another young person hooked on the filth  That you make a profit from.  You silently scream inside as you watch  The child you reared doing things  That you never dreamed possible  In order to pay a Maggot like you so they can sleep.  As families of addicts that you made watch helplessly  As the cycle begins all over again the following day  And you are dragged into a world you didn't know existed  And you pray to God every day  That possibly you will see some change  In your son or daughter's life,  But it never happens because a Maggot like you  Has drawn them in a world of evil. You learn to live in fear  As you watch the child that you brought into the world  Jump as the phone rings and you know that he owes money,  And the cycle of evil continues.  There's nothing you can do.  You're a Monster, and there are many more of you out there,  And you may feel that nothing can touch you,  But trust me, your time will come  Where justice will prevail.  If it's not in this world, it will definitely be in the next,  And there will be no rock for an animal like you to hide.  What comes around goes around,  And for every bit of misery that you have caused  To innocent and vulnerable kids out there,  It will fall back on you a million times over.  I hope when your time comes to leave this earth  That God will forgive you. I, on the other hand, will never!!! Mother of one of the addicts you made.

Shock Value

You tell me you drank like you're proud of it, a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar;

it's none of my business, what's it to me anyway? Like you once told me, it's not like I'm stuck with you, right?

Right.

I'd normally be getting booze right now to numb the pain of another Saturday night alone. Being sober is fucking hard. Having to sit alone with your thoughts is fucking hard. I'm fucking hurting and I don't know how to deal with it in a healthy way.