Dilemma - Tumblr Posts

We often get heartbroken because we forget the difference between love and infatuation.

victordiola (via wnq-writers)

Which is?

I was sober, and now I'm drunk again 🥴

A lesbian tale as old as time: I think I’m in love with a good friend who is so far out of my league and straight and beautiful and wonderful and amazing and I’m sorry what?

sooo, i have been looking around tumblr, seeing various ways of sharing sims and it seems that most people are just including all the cc with the download - does that mean that cc creators are usually ok with that? bc i also see many cc creaters having the "do not re-upload" rule in their TOU. is sim dump cc re-uploading an exception in this rule or are ppl just collectively disobeying to this rule, then?

i can def see the benefits of including the cc (for the uploader as well as ppl downloading) as it's super time consuming to find and link all the places for each single item used on the sims. but i also want to be respectful towards the cc-creators. >_<

I love her and need more art of her vote her inno or else she gonna bang bang bang you to death

Learning language to better QSMP immersion.

So, I don’t know where to begin, because Portuguese and Spanish is *similar* in a way but I do not know which language are often used beside on QSMP. Should I stick to Spanish or should I just learn Portuguese?

I mainly focus on Foolish POV because I love Leonarda, is she using Spanish?

Guys help!

apink // dilemma relay dance behind

Moving on is hard , but you can do it once you realize that's kinda like the only choice for you.

Universe has literally left me no choice.

Ahh, but do we feel it well~ 🥰💕✨

I'm just gonna leave this picturesque Phinks riiiight here...

“As a small child, I felt in my heart two contradictory feelings, the horror of life and the ecstasy of life.”

— Charles Baudelaire

Mood: Torn between wanting a personalised home screen and not wanting a personalised home screen.

The fact that I'm torn between 'I want to be praised' and 'I don't want to do anything' is devastatingly stressing.

sometimes i wanna be a they/them and sometimes i wanna be a they/he and sometimes i want to be a they/she but most of the time i want to dissolve into a puddle

Thou Shalt Not Kill

The first step onto foreign soil sparked a sensation of guilt.

I was drafted by my home to fight in this war, sent to kill.

But ‘thou shalt not kill’, says the 6th Commandment.

This nation’s economy and population were already destroyed.

I don’t even remember the reasons behind the big argument.

But without a truce, more and more deaths would fuel the fire.

My first battle was a shock with constant gunfire.

The enemy side seemingly showed no guilt.

Orders were given out, and no one argued. 

That bloody battle was the first time I killed.

In a matter of seconds, a human life was destroyed.

I blamed the death on orders given by my commander.

After the battle we moved to an area under enemy command.

As we marched along, the roads were lined with fires.

Bodies of our boys lay in the mud and destruction.

I felt pity for them, but I doubt our enemy felt any guilt. 

I prayed for their souls and internally vowed to kill.

My gut stirred, and I’m sure it was my heart arguing.

In the next fight, I ignored my mind’s and heart’s argument.

I rushed into battle alongside my brothers and my commander.

Seeing my comrades’ dead bodies brought the strong urge to kill.

I aimed my rifle and only slightly hesitated before firing.

I expected to feel sick at my actions, but I barely felt guilt.

Maybe, in the name of my country, it was okay to destroy.

When I accepted that fact, it became easy to destroy.

I lifted my rifle up and shot without mental argument.

My long days stopped ending in sickening guilt.

My religion melted away, along with the ten Commandments.

Death after death, my morals burned in a mental fire.

I learned that to survive in this mess I needed to kill. 

My job in life turned from a worshipper to a killer

I killed once more, but this time it was a boy who was destroyed.

I only realized he was a civilian, not a soldier, after firing.

I dropped to my knees while trying to create an argument. 

I couldn’t blame this death on my Commander. 

An innocent life taken, and that filled me with grief and guilt.

I command myself every night to pray for those killed.

I felt so much guilt for those lost under my own gunfire.

I argue it was my fault, and I take blame for the destruction caused.

I have a dilemma

I have to A) work my ass off to finish my english story about something I've been wanted to write and perfect for months or B) work my ass off to make the best strawberry birthday cake ever for an 11 year old family friend and possibly make a core memory for that kid by making it a minecraft cake (bc he loves minecraft)

what do I do 😭😭😭 I have a week

It's over, you never love me

You're not who you were anymore

I know you, you never want me

We're like a broken cup, it can never mend

Actually, it hurts

Girls are more delicate than you think

I curse and blame you, no, oh

But I can't leave you, can't let go

- Dilemma, Apink

where can i find the answer?

It's really hard when you don't have someone you can turn into and ask for help when you are so lost and very confused. I wish there's someone who can answer all my questions right now and stay by my side until i am strong enough to face this challenge... It's scary out there and i wish i am brave like others so that i can get over this. It's gonna be a long battle but with them i bet we can make it through... Coz I have to be strong for them. I have to show them i am strong. I will keep myself from crying in front of them. I promise i'll be their strength and not the cause of their worries... I shouldn't add up to the worries dur to this battle. I am the soldier not the cause. I will give my everything to fight it! I will do everything i can because i love you and you are my life.

32 -

I did something. I don’t want to admit it but I need to get this off my chest. I promised to always be honest here, if nowhere else. I got ahold of some pain pills. And now I feel anxious and guilty. I mean duh? What else did I expect?

But at the same time, I have a secret. It feels good in the way that knowing something that only you know feels good - knowledge is a private power. I feel sneaky and a little clever. There’s a rush to doing something and knowing you likely won’t get caught.

I’m so committed to my recovery. To actually sit with the hard stuff, not just numb it out. To living with integrity. To pursuing my dreams.

Or so I thought. Getting ahold of them was instinctual. I didn’t really think twice about it. Okay…not true, I debated on it for a while. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t convince myself not to. It was so easy. There was no way I could be found out. And I’d have a good time for a few hours.

Or rather, I didn’t want to think twice. I wanted them, plain and simple. I wanted to have them because I knew I could.

If I were to take them - I don’t have any intention of getting more. I wouldn’t even know where to go or who to ask. I just wanted them for a fun little afternoon. Nothing more. I’m not trying to escape my feelings or using them as a crutch. I have the capacity and tools these days to work through my problems, sober. They just feel good.

I guess I could describe it similar to non-alcoholics who want to enjoy a glass of wine while they have a quiet night in.

But I feel guilty because it’s not for the right reasons - who uses pain pills to have a “fun little afternoon”? (10 points if you guessed - an addict). And I didn’t get ahold of them in a trustworthy way. If I take them, does it count as a relapse? I don’t want to start over. If I take them, am I unwittingly taking a step down that path again? Can I really say it’s not a choice when here I am, self aware, and still making the choice anyway. They say you will always be in recovery, you can’t cure addiction.

But no one knows, except me.

It’s a decision based upon deceit and selfish intentions. Can I live with that?

I was thinking about them before I went on this trip. I knew they’d be around. If I really was committed to my recovery, then I would have taken precautions, not made plans. Right?

My recovery is still my recovery. I struggle with the idea that abstinence of all for the rest of my life, is the only option (except it is definitely for alcohol). For me - if I can understand the root of why I used to begin with, then I can identify when those feelings come up and sit with them instead of escaping. People use the high to fill a void in something. If I have a foundation of healthy coping mechanisms for negative feelings, then who’s to say I can’t have a fun little afternoon and that’s all it will be?

Or I’m just full of shit and I sound like every other addict out there trying to justify and rationalize why this will be okay. It’s a compulsion of the mind. The fact that I’m even analyzing this….I really don’t know.

So intellectually I know that the way to be heard in a democracy is to go out and protest and be loud. Stand not only on metaphorical soapboxes but actually give the riveting speech you have composed in your head during showers and before sleeping. But I'm also very introverted and have social anxiety so.... I'm never gonna do that. And it's so frustrating.

both are interesting, can't decide 👀