Tw Disordered Eating - Tumblr Posts
am i the only one who has a full blown meltdown when i someone's meal is smaller than mine??
idc if it has way more calories than my meal or if i ate less than half their intake that day if their meal is significantly smaller i go crazy...
this is a reminder for myself that maintaining is better than gaining.
maintaining is better than gaining.
as someone with an ed i subconsciously became so aware of other people's eating habits
i notice when they just push around their food around their plate or when they eat smaller portions than normal and wonder are they a picky eater or have an ed?
or when they go to the bathroom soon after a meal and i wonder are they throwing up or just have to use the bathroom?
and when they eat so much food in one sitting and i wonder are they just hungry and have a fast metabolism or did they binge eat?
and i feel so guilty all the time because one of the first things that always pops into my mind is that...
"i can't let them be better/thinner than me."
starving on your period makes you feel a different type of rage
as much as a love visiting my sister's house, it's always so horrible because they always try to feed me😭
like i know it's their love language but goddammit it's my hate language or whatever cus i keep thinking they're trying to get me fat or something💀
no kidding they pile food onto my plate and get kinda offended if i can't finish
my sister keeps making backhanded comments about my eating habits and it's so annoying like bro it's not like i ever went "oh here comes our organic cutting board!!" everytime she enters a room🙄
im just trying to ignore her cus we'll see who's laughing when i get to my ugw...
yo the stuffing food into your tumbler/bottle and throwing it away later is actually genius😩 i hate wasting food but sometimes ppl just won't get off my back bro
idk why i try so hard to hide my ed at this point. i mean i still live with my family but im almost 20 and technically they can't force me into inpatient or smth.
the only thing stopping me is not wanting to further traumatise my younger siblings. they deserve a better sister than me.
does anyone have a decent excuse as to why i would be measuring my meals on a scale??
i don't want my fam to be suspicious or think i am obsessed with food/cals (i 100% am lmfao)
going to the mall is one of my biggest triggers istg cus everybody be skinny but me rn for some reason
does anyone know why i can't purge?? like i try but nothing comes out except clear liquid... also how do you purge quietly??? im fighting for my life trying to be quiet even with the shower runningㅠㅠ
is it a psychological thing since i kinda have emetophobia?
ofc he'd check her out. how could he not when she's so perfect and tiny and you're flawed and huge.
Day 1:
Height: 161 cm
HW: 109 kgs
LW: 57 kgs
GW 1: 77 kgs
GW 2: 66 kgs
GW 3: 55 kgs
UGW: 44 kgs
CW: 85 kgs
Day 2.
I'm 5 feet 3 inches tall.
I like my height.
Me checking the calories on every food wrapper:
All I want is to be loved [and to be underweight]
does anyone else feel like they're shit at having an eating disorder?
Like manifesting this
an0rexic autumn bitch 🍂🗝️☕️🕰️📜
⤷ like & repost = skinny fall ᯓ ᡣ𐭩
✦•┈๑⋅••⋅๑┈•✦
"You lost so much weight!"
When anyone else says it: (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡
When my mom says it: (;;;・_・)
23/2/2024 & 24/2/2024 log
Cal goal
800 (771 food - 260 exercise) 🩷
Grow With Jo Abs Challenge
Walk the Weight Off (20 min) 🩷
Emo 21 Day Leg Transform
Inner + Outer Thighs & Calves (15 min) 🩷
Slim Your Calves (10 min) 🩷
🩷 Bonus - 20 min Para Para dancing
🩷Bonus - 17 hour fast
Overall, I'm pretty happy with yesterday. I choose challenges with workouts I already know and like, which makes it a lot easier.
I also fasted for last 17 hours, because I'm grilling with my friends today and I know I'm not strong enough for this. Allegedly, I lost 1 kg during this. Since I have been working out for past 7 days and my body needs to regenerate, I will also take a rest day today so yeah.
Already not proud, but I'm looking forward seeing my friends.