Tw Self H4rm - Tumblr Posts

Lowkey just want to rant rn so you guys can ignore it

why (besides obvious reasons) are pr0shippers so damn weird because I saw a post that was talking about something serious but the dumbass(pr0shipper) in question was using typing quirks throughout the whole thing so, so I (like everyone in the retweets) was making fun of the weird use of the typing quirk and the fucker I kid you not sent me literally self harm pictures because of it💀💀

what makes it worst is that the person in question is a whole ass adult sending me this while I(who’s age is clearly in my bio) is a minor

another thing is that on their account they admitted to posting/retweeting s/h pictures to “piss off the antis” what the hell💀

Tw : Self h4rm, Ed, Svicid3 ideation

I keep getting panic attacks more and more often, to the point I got one from stressing out about loosing my phone ( I found it, it wasn’t even that hard ). I am so anxious it gets me paralysed sometimes. I almost fainted from a panic attack twice.

I feel numbed, cutting barely hurts anymore. I only do styros and if I fail to do one I cut myself even my afterwards because I don’t feel enough. I used to only cut during shower but now I can discreetly do it at anytime while closing the door of my room. I almost got caught once. I punch and slap myself when I don’t have access to blades.

As if it wasn’t enough, I’m developing an eating disorder. I skip meals and made myself throw up a few times. I have became used to hunger.

I just want to die. I tried but barely drew enough blood to even faint. I should jump off a roof, slit my throat, throw myself under a car… I did not consent to being born.

So is there a reason no one talks about the fact Pomme burns herself with a lighter she made to keep herself awake to ensure she can protect the people that she loves or was that too painful for us to process so we forgot about it

CW: Vent, Depictions Of Mutilation, Suicidal Ideation, Brief Mention Of SH, Brief Mentions Of SA, S1vt Shaming, Mentions Of A Past Unhealthy Relationship, Bad Grammmar

(Please Be Mindful Of Your Mental State Before You Hit Read More! Please!)

I Feeel So Sick Like I’m About To Fucking Pop I Can’y. Keeep Doing This.

I Was Friends With A Fucking Psychopath That Ruined My Fucking Life That Wanted Yo Rake Me Down With Them. They Were So Obsesssed With How I Was, But Kept Tricking Me Into Thinking That They’ve Moved On And Are Proud Of Me.

I Hate Them. I Hate Them I Hate Thaem.

Now If I Dare Try And Show Any Emotion Of Anger Or Burnout, I Immmediately Want To Hurt Myself Because That’s Not Who I’m Suppposed To Be!!! What I Want To Be!!!!! You Wouldn’t Want To Go Back To Being An Abusive Prick, Would You!?!!!?!!!!!

But Was I Ever An Abusive Prick In The First Place?

Almost Ever Freidn. I Never Had A Areal Friend Until Almost Two Years Ago.

I Was Just Used. For Something That I Was Tooo Young To Be Having Taken.

I Was Nothing But A BROTHEL TO THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS.

AND THEY WANTED ME TO BE A BROTHEL FOR THEM. FUCK THAT.

I Can’t Do This. I’m Trying Not To Cry At Work And Everything’s Settting Me Offf And I Feeel So FUCKING Miserable I Just Want To FUCKING Dive Offf A FUCKING CLIFFF.

I Want To TEAR MY BODY OPEN. I DON’T WANT TO BE IN MY SKIN. IT’S TOOO PAINFUL. FEEEL TRAPPPED.

I’m So Sorrry. But God I Can’t. I Don’t Know _Where_ I Can Properly Vent This Shit To. I Apologize.

Very sick and very sleepy but this is making me feel better -w- "He made the compelling argument of 'it's not like vampires can get lung cancer'" was way too funny to me for no reason lol. Also, I want to wrap Bright up in a warm blanket and give him tea my boi needs some rest from all this hurt ;-;

(And thank you so much for tagging me btw ^-^)

Ok just one more punk progeny won't hurt~

Chapter 4: the sun

TW: this Chapter contains purposefully induced PTSD flashbacks, self harm and smoking if any of these topics make you uncomfortable I recommend you scroll to below the red line, past this line is after the potentially uncomfortable situation ends.

Ftm trans Bright eyes (he/him pronouns)

Bright smoked as he sat on the roof of the solaire mansion.

Not so long ago he renounced smoking and demoted himself to vapeing but he made the compelling argument of 'its not like vampires can get lung cancer' besides, when he exhaled smoke protruded out of the bite holes in his neck and to him that was a compelling enough reason.

As he exhaled, the memories he'd made over the last few hours played in his head.

He did have a lot of fun with Vincent. It did feel good to hang out with another vampire that wasn't Sam, Fred or just some guy he met at a bar because his friends sucked.

So....why was he here?

He looked towards the horizon as he took a drag of the cigarette, in the direction of Wonder World.

The sun was creeping almost menacingly over the horizon but Bright had some time to kill before the sun came out of hiding.

He had a good day. He had found someone to talk to besides Tanker that truly understood him.

So why. Was. He. Here?

He asked himself again, eyes still attached to the horror movie set of a place he was made in.

Finally he closed his eyes, allowing the smoke to coil around him.

He remembered everything....he remembered everything as if it happened only yesterday.

The way the excitement melted away into dread and horror as the skull of Quinn's last victim rolled into view.

The way Fred ran, the way Bright lingered on a little longer than him.

Fred may have begun running before him but Bright was faster and it wasn't long before he overtook him.

Somewhere along the way Fred had fallen behind.

It was a good thing Fred told him to keep going because he probably would have kept running anyway and Fred would probably hate him even more than he already dose if that had been the case.

At least that's what Bright told himself.

Bright's heart rate began to increase so he instinctually took another drag.

He kept. On. Running.

Eventually the sound of his best friend's voice got quiet, whether or not it was due to distance or the fact that he was dead wouldn't be known until later on.

Because of this, Bright allowed himself to slow down. How many worst mistakes of your life can you make in one night?

Until eventually he heard a sound that could only be described as "woosh" and he was knocked to the ground along with his breath.

A low groan came from him before the ability to breathe was put into question.

Then HE appeared.

At first he was just a silhouette then his features became visible as he grabbed Bright's wrists and dropped his knees onto his stomach and chest.

He could still hear his voice...

"You should have listened to your friend little mouse~ didn't anybody tell you not to stay out late

On Halloween?~"

Bright scratched at his neck as if to swat him away, but he wasn't there.....all he did was reopen the wound.

The cigarette fell from his lips and onto the roof where he held his knees in his hands.

Nothing he did NOW would change what happened THEN so the memory played on.

He continued scratching at the bite mark as the situation played out in his head, desperately trying to get through the memory of the second most painful experience of his life.

Whether it was the blood loss or the sophistication, eventually everything just....stopped.

The pain....stopped.

Exept there was no breath left in him to let out a sigh of relief.

For what seemed like forever but upon looking back what was probably only a couple minutes, Bright just layed there, body numb from the feeling of nothing.

It felt....nice

Like he never had to feel any kind of pain ever again, physical or otherwise.

But then like a defibrillator to the neck, he was jolted back to semi consciousness.

He wouldn't describe himself as awake but he could see what was happening to him, his best friend, the one guy he least expected to hurt him in any way, in the same position as his killer,

Sucking at the bite mark left by him.

Bright felt himself wince as what was left of his bloody insides were slurped up into Fred.

When Fred's mouth left Bright's neck, Bright assumed it was over so he let himself go numb, which only made it sting more when Fred ripped his own neck wound and lowered himself so it flowed like a fountain into Bright's mouth.

At first he began spluttering and choking but then he gave up on struggling and allowed himself to drown.

He couldn't speak at the time, he knew that, but in his mind he heard himself screaming at Fred to stop and that he didn't understand what he was doing

But he knew he wanted him to stop.

But he did not waver till there was no more blood to give and when he drained himself dry he collapsed next to him.

They were both looking to the sky when they died together.

Bright's eyes jolted open as he began screaming in anger, agony and regret

The sun had finally made its way past the threshold of the horizon and the only thing protecting him from its burn was the shadow that the solaire mansion cast, so amongst the screaming that went unheard, he pulled back his sleeve and removed his glove that did its best to hide the battle scares from him and the sun's past encounters, and he shoved his arm into the light.

His screaming became more of a hiss as he felt his skin burn and sizzle

_________________________________________

He didn't know when he planned to stop

But luckily somone wasn't going to let him make that choice.

He felt himself being pulled backwards then he was swiftly turned around to face the figure that pulled him, however he wasn't able to see their face as his face was being held close to the chest of his saviour.

He could feel arms cover his body as if to shield him, he could hear a hiss come from the body that held him, almost to threaten the light that burned him.

Eventually the figure loosened their grip, allowing Bright to look up at them

It was William.

He didn't look angry, he just looked....protective...?

Like the sun had attempted to take somthing important from him.

After a moment of this, he no short of scooped Bright up and made a motion that could only be described as "wooshed" him down from the roof, sticking to the shadows.

Bright blinked and then he found himself in William's office again, still huddled in his arms.

William placed him onto the chair he sat in last time and looked him in the eyes.

"Were going to talk about what you were just doing, but before any of that I need to heal you, it will hurt more than it did last time, is that OK?"

Through tears that Bright couldn't prevent from falling, he nodded.

Before he began his work, William removed his belt and gave it to Bright

"You'll be needing this" Bright knew what to do.

He placed the flattened rope of leather into his mouth and felt his teeth press into it.

"Alright" William said to no one in particular.

The burn wound was very visible and within healing range but Bright was a very....skittish person so William wanted to be as careful as possible.

He slowly intertwined his fingers with Bright's and brought his arm up to him. He let go of Bright's hand and took his arm into both his hands to place it in front of him.

He looked at Bright one last time then began to work.

It was just like last time exept the feeling was throughout his whole arm, Bright tried his best to be still for him but he couldn't stop himself from kicking and squirming, he continued to bite into the belt he held in his mouth, tears now streaming down his face.

After healing his arm he moved onto his bite wound that now had a claw mark that was bound to scar.

After a good few minutes of that, William let go as fast as he could.

"There it's done"

Bright spat the belt out his mouth and a spluttering noise came from him as the tears continued.

After Bright had fully composed himself, he looked up at William who had a look of sympathy on his face, but not pity

Never pity.

"H-how did you know I was - that I would?-"

"Fred had told Sam that he could feel you feeling.....bad and that he worried you were going to 'do something stupid' Sam informed me of this and when I heard a scream come from the roof and given where the sun is currently, let's just say I put two and two together"

Looks like his literal cry for help didn't fall on deaf ears this time.

William looked Bright dead in the eyes, the look of sympathy still plastered on his face.

"I wouldn't describe what you just did as stupid, I'd describe it as....understandable but equally unfortunate"

Bright looked down

"Bright, I am older than you could ever imagine, I can recognise a cry for help when I see one"

At that, he picked the belt up from the floor and began to re applie it to his waist.

He then sat on the edge of his desk

"Talk"

This wasn't a command as much as it was an invitation but Bright still felt like he didn't want to know what would happen if he didn't do what he told him.

"W-well i-i" he took a moment to compose himself and breathed in

"I spent the day with Vincent"

"Oh?"

"Y-yeah, I had a lot of fun....it was nice"

"I'm glad"

"But i-i.....I don't deserve it....there is SO much I don't deserve...so i-i guess this was kinda like a...l-like a-"

"A punishment"

Bright looked up at him

"Y-yeah...I know it's stupid of me I just-"

"No it isn't. It's completely understandable, I mean since the very beginning of your vampire life everyone you have ever had to interact with has blamed you for what happened and since you agree with them, I can see why you wouldn't deem yourself worthy of happiness"

Bright was stunned, he knew he was old but he didn't exactly expect him to hit the nail on the head with this one.

"Y-Yeah..."

"Are you a man of faith Bright?"

Bright looked confused at the sudden seemingly off topic question.

"Why?"

"A few centuries ago there was a vampire I knew who was very religious and he believed himself to be worthy of hell, but since that was never going to be, he made sure his immortality, or what he called purgatory, would be filled with nothing but misery because he believed himself to be worthy of nothing but just that, misery."

William then got up and went rooting in one of his draws.

Giving Bright a minute to marinate on what he had been told.

William eventually pulled out a small piece of paper and then went over to Bright

"Here I want you to have this, but I want you to know that this dose not contribute to your decision, you may take this regardless of your decision"

Bright took the paper from him.

When he un-crumpled it he saw that it was a phone number and a name he couldn't pronounce but that didn't tell him much.

"What is this?"

"It's the phone number to the best therapist in the area, I'll pay for it however like I previously stated, I will do so regardless of whether or not you agree to be my progeny"

Bright's eyes became wide, he had wanted a therapist that actually knew what they were doing since before he died.

"Thank you"

He said breathlessly

"It's no trouble, I'll let you know when I inform him of the payment situation, now, it's time for you to sleep, I assume you've been having trouble with the sleeping situation so I recommend you start going to sleep at this time for now on"

"O-ok"

Bright had slept here many times before so he had no trouble finding his guest room but before he left, he thanked William one more time.

William nodded and smiled.

When Bright left William picked up his phone.

.........

"I trust you made it here safely then?~"

.........

"Good I'm glad to hear that, you're earlier than we agreed, miss your old home that much hmm?~"

..........

"Alright, Alright I won't jest, I suppose I just wanted to lighten the mood given the circumstances of your return"

..........

"Alright, oh! And there's somone I think you should meet, I think the two of you would get along very well~"

Taggs: @darlin-collins @anexistingexistence @you-think-i-care-mate

Listen up!

You see a post like this? Where OP might hurt/kill themselves? You hit that button that I circled

Hit that.

Click Suicide or Self-harm Concern

Yes.

Fill in the rest of it, and hit submit. The "content you reported" will fill itself in

Tumblr will follow up and help them.

Warning: this is only for mobile. If anyone knows how to do this for desktop, please add it!

This could SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.

YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO REBLOG THIS.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF IT DOESN'T GO WITH YOUR BLOG'S THEME.

And yes, REBLOG. Liking does no shit at all. This isn't ig.

You reblog, people see it. You don't, people don't see it. This shit's that simple.

This could save someone's life. It's not a joke.

My four main mood

Grumpy

Clingy and emotionally soft

Sleepy

V̷̨̡̢̭͖͈̦̼͉̥̰̬͓͇̜̥̫̳̺̗̪̼̬̜̠͖̘̪̬̼̗̱̯̹̘̽̍̀̏͊̉̔̕͝ͅͅͅ ̶̢̭̞̰̭͈͔̙̗̥̺̲̤͈̘̫͋͂̌͐̾̀̀͐͗̈́̓̅͐̆̂̅̀̾̃̈́̆͗̔͘̚͜Ơ̶̼̪̫̣͔͚͔̦̮̳̝̔͋̓̏̅̐̏̉̓̈́͊͒̌̚͘͝͝͠ ̴̨̧̨̧̡̢̧̝̩̫̝̩͉̣͎̞̱̗̥̻̞͔̥͚͖̰̗̟̳̳̟̱̯̗̯̥̦̬̫̳̑̔̾̊̇͂̒̋͜ͅĮ̸͙͕̗̭̩͚͎̝̺̬͓̝̮̦̲̩̪̖̦̜͔̗̹̭̙̰̰̓̀̓̽̚̚̕ͅ ̵̨̡̛̛̯̻̞͙̻̳͚̰͙̲̮̭̥͙̀͑̈̍̏̐͑̿͐̒̃̈́͗͋͐͊̕͝͝Ḓ̷̢̨̡̨̩̠̜̳̘̯͇̬̙̜̤͍̦̮͈̮̗̩̼̙̭̯̫̦̘̜̥̙͖͔̘̹͇͈̬͛̈͗̈̓̆̉͜͜͜ͅ

Today's the day :/

So it's officially been one year since I almost successfully k1lled my$3lf... I made it ig?

please please please, i am begging, please stop romantizing self harm (especially via cutting) and sharing images of it!!!!!

i could've sworn i had filtered every pro self mutilation tag i could find..but no, no, things keep slipping through, and what i saw tonight made me physically sick

I wish he would kiss my scars and then kiss me so that i know it will all be okay.

Like no shit its such a struggle to figure out witch one to do!!!

Sh, masturbate, or sleep? That’s what’s really about…..

Why Do you do it?

To feel alive, to know i am alive. To know that i am human. I have lost the feeling to be human. I hate myself so much i cant veiw myself as such. I want to know i can be punished and bleed just as much as a human can. To feel myself be alive. To remind myself I am as alive and human as my peers. I so despreatly need to be human.

This may differ between each person. Some people may $H for many diffrent reasons. This is just a big one for me. You never know why someone may do it. I use to do it for control, for control of my life. So dont judge someone for using what ever tool they can to survive. Its a methoud in our toolbox. Its not healthy but its sometimes one of our only tools to cope.

it do be like that though.

oops

FR FR

yes i am coping with memes

I’m actually going insane like this is the rough patch that k!lls me Istg I feel like I’m back in my mentally ill groove though so yay cutt!ng!

The anger was just boiling up. I didn't know what to do with the excess water. It was overflowing the styrofoam cup and I needed to put it somewhere. I needed to throw something. I had to punch someone so hard it hurt me more than it ever hurt them. I grabbed my scalding cup and poured. A whispering drizzle ran down the hill side drilling into the dirt digging at the rocks breaking the dam of soil to bring forth a rushing river. Hurt yourself. I pounded my fist into my thigh. Hurt yourself. I scratched at my arm as if it were a chalkboard. Hurt yourself. I didn't stop when I started bleeding. Hurt yourself. My skin was stuck under my nails. Hurt yourself. I was drowning head down in the deep waters so hot it was icy cold to the touch. Hurt yourself. I liked it. That hurt the most.

For I am become the great pretender betrayer of a youthful me

As I pretend not to be bothered by my bff who questions 'why wouldn't you want to be soldja boy?' a youthful me asks my mom for two halloween costumes since you're not allowed to be a bloody zombie little girl with a knife at school in the second grade

As I pretend my bff is right when she says we can't even at the bare minimum be mean girls since 'none of us are blonde' a youthful me describes to my dad the terrible tumble zombie Alice took not only down down the rabbit hole but down down a muddy cliff and that's the reason her hair is brown

As I pretend not to care when my bff calls my guy 'weird' a youthful me demands that if I must date a man he cannot be conventional in any manor

As I pretend to be unharmed by the unexplained absence of my bff at my clubs squid dissection a youthful me is ostracized and abandoned by her only friend

As I pretend the barber cut my hair wrong when my bff tells me 'it's really short' a youthful me wanted purple and blue died hair cut in a shaggy mullet

As I pretend I don't hate my new skin so much that I claw at it raw and bloody a youthful me swore it 'would only be once and I'd never do it again'

"..rise the Demon, Etrigan"

Vent (TW for mentions of self harm and binge eating)

Work was bad today. Really really bad. Physically painful bad. I feel so invisible and worthless. Not just by management. Of they don't care about any of us. But by my coworkers too. I know I'm different. I know I'm not like them. I feel like I'm their punching bag because I'm different. Then today my parents showed up at my job demanding to see me. I'm no contact with my parents. It was a hard decision to come to and they act like they don't know what "no contact" means. I was angry and scared. What if they forced their way into where I was? What if they caused a scene? I couldn't stop myself from shaking. Thankfully they left after being told twice. It made me worry that they would just wait for me at my house. At any time they could just show up as if I owe them my time. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I don't want to deal with this! I want to hurt myself. Instead I bought a bunch of food to binge. Neither option is good...I feel so out of control. I hate my life and I hate myself. I just want to escape somewhere I can be totally safe and happy. I knew that once I got home I was going to drown myself in Ewan McGregor content. It's the only thing right now that I can count on to be there for me. To fill me with happiness. I'm thankful for my mutuals on here and artists, writers, gif makers, and everything in between too. You're creativity and kindness provide the means for my escape from reality. I don't know how to end this. That's all.

Tw. Gore(?)

You know what would fix me? What would solve all my problems? What would cure my mental state?

I need to tear the skin off my face.

I can't explain it, but I often feel a HUGE urge to claw at my skin and peel it from my bones. I need to tear at my flesh until there is nothing but bone, then rip out my eyeballs and throw them away, then carve at my skull until my brain is exposed so I can tear that from it's base as well and crush it within my bare hands.

I need to bite at my arms and legs to tear off chunks of skin so I can feel the stinging pain while I drink my blood. I need to hurt in ways I get queasy even thinking about.

But sadly my weak, mortal flesh and mind prevent me from doing this. I am forced to keep living in this body, with all my flaws, failures, and anxieties. No matter what I do, I'll never be a different person and will be stuck in this same fucked up body for the rest of my pathetic life.

And I don't know why, but I really feel like peeling skin off my skull will help, at least a bit

PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who get this urge/feeling 😭😭