Love Story - Adam Stanheight / Reader

Love Story - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N Taylor Swift's Love Story inspired this one, clearly. LOL.

Adam Stanheight pulled you in, and you rested the back of your head on his shoulder, looking at the image in front of you. In the photo the sun was setting, you were in your prettiest dress, and Adam was in a tux. You both were hugging each other tightly. “You remember?” Adam asked in your ear.

“How the fuck would I forget?” You answered bluntly. “On the count of three, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“One, two, three.” You closed your eyes, and so did Adam. A younger version of yourself came into your mind.

You could still feel the wind on your skin, as you stood on the balcony in summer air. You were overlooking a raging party, the lights were dim, and everyone was dressed in ball gowns. In the back you could see Adam Faulkner walking towards you. “Hello,” he whispered.

“Hi.” You gazed up at him in awe. Adam was a nice guy, but sometimes he came off on the wrong foot. Your parents weren’t sure about him. Your father didn’t want you near him and he made that clear to Adam. “Stay away from Y/N.”

This was so disheartening to you that you started crying on the stairs, grabbing Adam’s hands and jeans, and begging him not to leave. You needed him in your life. “Please don’t go!”

Adam kissed you casually. He was so nonchalant. You wondered how he could be so calm all the time. “I’m not gonna leave you,” he assured you and tipped his head to the side. “Why would I do that?”

You stood up and pulled Adam closer. “Adam, take me somewhere we can be alone. I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run. You’ll be the prince, and I’ll be the princess.”

Adam smiled in amusement. “It’s a love story. Baby just say ‘yes’,” he finished and you melted. Your parents were still watching from the side, glares on their faces. Then Adam pulled away. You were forced to watch him leave afterwards. Your heart hurt and it drove you mad.

But you were not easily deterred. You wouldn’t give up Adam for the world. Your mom and dad didn’t have to know what you got up to when you went on long walks. They’d never know you were still seeing him. You snuck out the very next night, and met Adam in the garden. Your heart fluttered when you touched his hands. He was so perfect standing there, with the moonlight behind him. In whispered tones you expressed how much you loved one another, and proceeded to walk delicately around the rose bushes and the petunias and the sunflowers. Your conversations were hushed, as you tried to keep quiet. You both would be so dead if your parents knew about this. But lucky for you, that wouldn’t happen. You were way too cool for this shit.

You came up behind Adam, and covered his eyes. “Close your eyes,”

It was time to escape this town for a little while.

Adam raised his hands up to yours. “Hmmm,” he hummed. “Y/N.” He leaned into you.

You kissed him on the head as Adam pulled your hands back down to his sides. “How are you tonight?” You wondered aloud.

“Brilliant,” Adam answered. “You?”

“Same.”

“Come out so I can see you.”

You felt suddenly self conscious. You had dressed up for this event. It was the same outfit you wore on your first date with Adam. Slowly, you moved out from behind Faulkner, and stood in front of him timidly. “Hi,” you murmured.

Adam gaped at you, then let out a low wolf whistle. His eyes traveled all the way down your body and then came back up to meet your gaze. “I like it.”

You smiled, a light blush tinting your cheeks. “Oh…” You found yourself unable to look at Adam. He took advantage of your shyness, and kissed you.

“Cause you were Adam,” you mumbled around his lips. “I was a scarlet letter.”

The door to the garden was flung open then. Apparently, your quietness hadn’t lasted. “How many times have I told you?” You recognized the voice of your dad again, and you frowned miserably. “Stay away from my child! Stay away from F/N L/N!”

Adam backed away, but he wasn’t daunted. “Sure.” He said with a shrug, and saluted you. You stared at him in disbelief, and then grabbed his shoulders. He was everything to you! “Please don’t go!” You gasped.

Adam kissed you roughly. “I’m not gonna leave you.” He smirked at you. “Why would I do that?” There was a knowing glint in his eyes. Your heart softened into hot wax. He was so perfect. So casual. How did he do that? How did he make you want him even more? How did he stay so relaxed, even though you were being torn apart from him?

You blinked up at him in amazement. “Adam… please…”

Adam winked at you, and glanced you up and down once more. “You look gorgeous in that, baby.”

You watched him sadly as he disappeared into the shadows, and retreated back into the trees. “Adam, take me somewhere we can be alone,” You muttered under your breath. “I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run. You’ll be the prince, and I’ll be the princess…” You trailed off out of habit, allowing Adam to finish it. You were greeted with silence. It was so deafening, you almost flinched physically. You forced yourself to continue. “It’s a love story. Baby just say ‘yes’.”

Your father spoke up from behind you after a while. “How long?”

“How long?” you asked him.

“How long have you been seeing him behind our backs?”

You shook your head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Y/N, listen to me. I don’t know what you see in him. All the good guys turn out to be bad people in the end. You need to let him go. He’s not good for you.”

“I love him!” You yelled abruptly. “Stop trying to convince me that he’s not worth it. You haven’t even met him, you don’t even know him. Get to know him first!”

“You should drop him,” your dad grumbled.

You stormed past him in a huff and went to your bedroom, where you were hoping to get some sleep - but you doubted that you would.

The next day you found Adam waiting in the garden for you. You gave him a reluctant smile when you saw him. You didn’t know what he was doing here, and for the first time you weren’t glad to see him. This was not a safe place for him, why did he come back here?

You threw on a coat, and went to greet him. Your feet brushed over the cool grass as you trudged over to him. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“How are you?” Adam asked calmly.

“Could be better. Adam, they’re trying to tell me how to feel. This love is difficult.”

“But it’s real,” Adam replied smoothly. “Don’t doubt that, F/N L/N.”

You huffed out dubiously. “How can you say that after last night?”

Adam only said, “Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess. It’s a love story. Baby just say ‘yes’.” He brushed out your jacket. “Please.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Days went by after that. You didn’t see Adam for a long time. You wondered what was happening. Why wasn’t he answering your calls? Why wasn’t he showing up anymore? Maybe your dad had been right from the beginning? You didn’t want to think that, but life was getting lonely. Speaking of your dad, you hadn’t seen much of him lately either. He hadn’t spoken much to you at all. You walked aimlessly around the garden, your heart heavy.

What the hell?

You didn’t want to feel hopeless, but there was an empty setting in your stomach. It worried you, it upset you, it frightened you. You decided to go for a walk. A long walk. You needed out of here! Some place to clear your head. Some time to get away from the memories.

When you reached the outskirts of your small town, you stopped walking. You didn’t know what you were doing here, but you knew you should return home. It probably wasn’t safe here by the road when it was getting dark. You turned around, and found someone you were not expecting.

Adam Stanheight was watching you from afar. A smile was on his face. You stared at him halfheartedly. “What? Are you here to break my heart?”

Faulkner shifted his weight from foot to foot, but didn’t say anything to you, which made you feel even more dismayed. His eyes shone with some kind of deviance, and playfulness, and… knowledge that you were unaware of.

“What? Are you going to talk to me?”

Still, silence.

“Well I have some things to say to you.”

Adam shrugged. “By all means.” He was way too damn relaxed!

“Adam, save me! I’ve been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you, but you never come!”

“Let’s change that,” Adam said in a quiet tone. Kneeling to the ground, he pulled out a ring. “Marry me, Y/N. You’ll never have to be alone. I love you, and that’s all I really know. I talked to your dad-”

“How the hell did you talk to my dad?” You interrupted.

Adam tilted his head to the side. “You said something that changed his mind.”

You glared at the ground. “No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did,” Adam insisted. “He got to know me a little. He said he was sorry for jumping to conclusions. Said you were right the whole time, and that maybe not everyone’s life will be the same. He said he gives us his blessing.”

You stared at him. “What?”

“Just pick out a white dress, okay. It’s a love story. Baby just say ‘yes’.” Adam put a lot of emphasis on the last word.

Your heart was almost literally jumping out of your throat. “Oh my god. Yes. I will. I want this.”

Adam pulled you down and kissed you. “Don’t be so negative, princess. I didn’t give up on us. Why should you?”

You buried your face in his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Adam.”

Adam hugged you close. “Stay with me.” And you kissed him in response.

Slowly, cautiously, you opened your eyes again. Adam was holding you close to him. “Adam,” you whispered.

“We were both young when I first saw you,” he said softly.

You clung to him. “We’re still married after all this time,” you said distantly.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Adam remarked.

You pressed close to him. “Me neither.”

He kissed you, and pushed you to the floor. You let out a moan of surprise, which Adam seemed to take delight in, and he started caressing you. You allowed him to touch you. “It’s been awhile,” you commented.

“Shh. Just relax.”

You leaned your head back. “Sure.” You whispered, as Adam started pulling off your clothes. And that’s exactly what you did. But the sun was setting out the window and the windows were closed and shuttered, and the neighbors were all asleep. But Adam was calm and collected - as ever. The duo would follow the sun tonight and take things all the more slowly. It was vital for the first year anniversary. It was the newly made tradition.

And it wasn't about to change.

Go to Sleep - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N This one was inspired by Melanie Martinez’s song ‘A thousand Words’. Some parts of the song really made me relate to Adam, so… I know I said I would post it at night but I have high confidence right now. Enjoy!

Nothing had been normal after Adam’s passing. You had never felt so cold before in your life. You hadn’t eaten a full meal for the last two weeks, but… you weren’t hungry. The crackers and the coffee were enough to get you through the day. It was nearing the end of the cold season, you and Adam had made plans for April but it looked like they wouldn’t be happening anymore. You didn’t know how to feel. All you knew was that you missed the one person that you desired. Adam Stanheight. But he was never coming back to you.

It was dark outside, eleven’o’clock at night on a Friday. It was unusual to see the bed empty even though it had been so long since Adam’s death. You couldn’t get your mind around that concept. He had his whole life in front of him, how had it been taken away from him so quickly?

You grasped the bedsheets miserably, trying to go back to sleep. You were tired, but your mind was active; you didn’t want to go to sleep. The bed was cold, and you were not used to it anymore. You missed how it felt when he was with you. You remembered his hands on your skin, his lips on your mouth, and his voice in your ears. But mostly you could still see his face in your eyes. It strangled you, defeated you, and corrupted you. Desperately, you wanted to reach into that image and be WITH Adam. Be with him one more time. But that could never happen, and it never would.

Your ears rang with the sound of your crying, your voice was sore, and your brain was fried. The phantom feeling of Adam’s arms around you, caressing you, drove you mad.

“I miss you,” you whispered to the empty room. “I had so many things to show you. So many things to do with you. So many things to say to you; so many things to talk about! And you were plucked right away from me like the last berry on the vine. Nothing more than a berry on the vine. That’s all. That’s all you are. That’s all you were.”

You closed your eyes, rolling your head to the side.

What happened to us? You wondered. We were young and healthy.

You let out a couple of strangled sobs, before getting up and walking over to the camera resting on the dresser. It had been two weeks since you had picked it up, but now you couldn’t stop yourself. You missed Adam, and all your memories were inside his most prized possession - his camera.

Well, that would have been his second most prized possession, because first place always went to one person: me.

You took the camera in your hands. It was cold and dusty, but still had its shine and its worth. You studied it for a short moment, then delicately pressed the power button on the top. It flickered on with a bright, white, light. It blinded you for a few seconds, but you recovered swiftly, eagerly.

You looked over the first couple of pictures plainly, not feeling anything - or at least trying not to. But when you skipped to the end you found the most recent pictures of Adam. Your heart collapsed into a bunch of glass shards. You flipped through the photos continuously, gradually getting faster and faster with every passing second. Taking in every detail of every photo, you crumpled to the floor, trying not to howl; your neighbors were all asleep at the moment.

Adam had given his heart to you, and it had been ripped out of your hands so mercilessly. You gathered yourself up, and shoved the camera onto the dresser again. Clearly, you were not ready to look at these quite yet. As you got to your feet, you could see out the window that was positioned up above the headboard. Dawn was peeking through the shutters, light blue creeping into the apartment, and purple streaks painting the sky; the sun was coming up. Hastily, you snatched up the camera and raced for the front door. These were the mornings that you and Adam would pose for pictures and take photoshoots of the sky. You weren’t about to lose this opportunity; you’d perform anything to make Adam's spirit last longer.

You knelt on the ground, the doorstep was cold, and raised the camera to your eyes. You snapped a picture of the sky, nostalgia eating you alive. You could almost feel Adam’s warm body pressing up against you from behind, and his soft hands casually placing themselves around yours so as to adjust your grip on the camera.

How did you do it again? Was it like this? You took another picture, and another, and another. Adam’s advice and instructions were coming to you naturally now. You could do it all on your own.

You took several more photos until you didn’t know what to do with yourself, and then you sat down on the stairs and looked through them. Everything was perfect! They all looked exactly the way Adam would have taken them. All the angels were correct, as were the shadows and the lighting. You started humming sadly.

“Our love’s a postcard on it’s way, heading toward no destiny.”

Adam’s words still whispered in your ears and you shook your head, trying to clear it before you gave way into fantasy. But you were not fortunate enough for that. You ended up falling asleep on the pavement, lucky for you it wasn’t supposed to start raining until tomorrow evening.

"I had a thousand words to say."

Your eyes fluttered shut as you drifted off to sleep, but Adam was still engraved into your vision. His dark eyes, his dark hair, his smile, his face, his clothes… He was the last thing that you were thinking about.

"You gave me your heart, then took it back from me."

Somewhere deep inside your dreams you dreamed about him, about Adam, and it nearly killed you all the while. It was like Adam was really with you in that moment. You could hear his voice like it was physically in the room with you, lulling you to sleep.

“This isn’t real, is it?” you muttered, interrupting yourself form your singing.

And the response was so actual, you almost woke up. “How would you know, baby?”

You gazed around, trying to find where the source was coming from. “Because the mind can work itself into seeing and hearing the things that it longs to.”

A hand traveled down your back. “Hm. I think when you wake up, you will know the answer to that question.”

You shivered. “Adam,” you murmured.

“Sleep well, my love. I know you need it.”

“Wait, don’t go,” you feebly choked out.

“I don’t think I have a choice,” there was a hint of amusement in Adam’s tone - if it even was Adam talking to you. It was hard to tell, between the dreaming and waking worlds.

One last time you finished singing the last part of the song. "Close my eyes and got to sleep. You're the last thing, the last thing that I see."

The pavement was digging into your thighs and feet painfully, and the cool wind blew into your face, and the approaching thunder disappeared into the background. The position in which you slept was nothing if not uncomfortable, but this was still the best sleep you had ever had in a long, long, time. Your heart was heavy, and your mind was blank, but just like every night, as you bowed your head and closed your eyes, Adam Stanheight was the last thing that you saw, and just like every morning, he was the first thing that you thought of.

Stained - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N I had inspiration from Staind's songs, Something to Remind You and Right Here. So, the songs might not be about what I wrote, but this is what I had thought every time I heard them. I hope you enjoy it. (lol, I know naming the story after the artist is cliche and pathetic but I didn't know what else.)

You had a fever of one hundred and six degrees. You could barely feel or see anything. All of it was just a blur, the noise was muffled in the background, and the lights over head gave you something to concentrate on. You were exhausted, and hot. No, blistering was a better word. You felt like you were literally on fire, but you doubted that was the case. If you were on fire, you would be in a lot more pain than you were in now, and not to mention you'd probably be dead.

People moved around you, voices spoke above you, and things flashed in front of your eyes. You couldn't keep track of it all, so you eventually rolled your head to the side and closed your eyes. Your whole body was hot, you were getting hot flashes and chills, you were sweating profusely. You had wet cloths on your skin. Pretty much every part of your body that wasn't covered by the hospital gown, was covered in a wet cloth. The cloths were slightly cold to the touch and you tried to shrink away from them, but someone held it there for you.

Shivering, you tried to sit up only to be shoved back down. Uneasily and a little bit scared, you stared dizzily at the ceiling as yellow, fluorescent, lights flashed past you. Horror filled you as you tried to breath. You thrashed and kicked trying to free yourself, but you only exhausted yourself out greatly. In a matter of seconds heat flashed over you and you passed out.

Adam paced back and forth anxiously. He was desperate to see his significant other wake up, but so far it wasn't like that would be happening any time soon. There was a doctor in the room, watching over Y/N to make sure everything went as planned. He had a grave expression on his face.

"How are they?" Adam demanded for the fourth time.

The doctor stared at him over the rim of his glasses, and said in a clipped tone, "We are working on it."

"Well, clearly you're not doing enough! You can't just let them die! They needs more help!"

The doctor's calm voice answered directly; he was not taking anyone's bullshit. "What Y/N needs is rest. We are trying our best to keep their fever down, but it... Well..." The doctor trailed off, then said, as delicately as possible, "The patient's condition is declining rapidly, you see. Our best efforts may not be enough to help. Y/N might have to fight this on their own."

Adam was thrown off his guard at this. He shook his head repeatedly, as if he was trying to shake honey out of his hair. "You must be dull," he said at last. His tone was cool. "MY partner won't be going ANYWHERE."

"The body won't..." Adam heard the doctor mutter to himself, shuffling through some papers and moving across the room.

Adam was disconcerted now, not to mention a little bit angry. Who was this doctor, thinking he could stroll in here and act like he owned the place? Y/N wasn't going to die! It was quite inconsiderate of him to pretend that they were. Adam wanted to do something, but nothing would come to his mind. As he started pacing again, the doctor said from the corner, "If you've nothing better to do, I suggest you go for a walk."

Adam glared at the doctor. "Who are you to tell me what to do?"

"I'm the person keeping you lover alive, I think I would know a thing or two about health. And staying in here, isn't going to help yours."

Adam stared at the man in reluctance. He felt slightly offended, but also embarrassed. Of course the doctor would want to help EVERYONE he could, which would include Adam himself. The audacity he had to tell Adam to leave while his partner died on a hospital bed was more or less insensitive, but the doctor just wanted to help. That's why he took this job, right? So, really, all in all, how cruel was he being?

It still doesn't matter, Adam thought to himself. He still told me to leave Y/N all alone while they died. That's so overpowering, I think it was just rude at this point.

"No," Adam said quietly, taking a seat next to you. "I'm not going to LEAVE them."

The doctor nodded curtly. "Suit yourself then."

You were in a deep sleep. The covers were all put away, due to the fact that you didn't need to be hotter. You were hyped up on medication all the time, Adam wasn't sure what it was they were using. A towel was on your forehead, you were dressed in pretty cool clothes, but you did have a thin blanket over your lithe body. Your temperature was... wavering, in all honestly. It looked like your fever wasn't even beginning to die down. Adam's heart sank into his stomach miserably.

But unbeknownst to Adam, or even the hostile companion that was the doctor, you were no longer asleep. You had overheard their conversation, but had been unable to speak up. You were tired and weak, but now that you were awake you didn't want to go back to sleep. In fact, you wanted to see Adam one more time before falling asleep again. You feared it would be the last time you would get to.

You started humming to yourself a little bit. You were unsure why that was your first response, but you thought it would be the best way to grab your boyfriend's attention. Subconsciously, you started singing the song that had been playing on your first date with Faulkner. Now that you thought about it, this choice was actually very depressing. In fact, having the song play on your first date had been a little ironic, seeing as a first date was happy and the supposed song was not so much.

The song you were humming was by the artist Staind. You had listened to their songs before, but it wasn't like you deliberately sought them out. This one had a place in your heart because it was the one on the radio during your first date with Adam. Your boyfriend still hadn't heard you singing, but that was alright. The windows were open, so the traffic was loud.

As you kept humming though, you started to have enough strength to say the words. Very carefully, you raised your voice. It was steady and brave, though sickness was evidently present. It dampened your ability to sing, and gave off an eerie feeling to the room, but you couldn't bring yourself to stop; Adam should hear this, you weren't sure how long you had left. "When the day comes... the sun won't touch my face. Tell the ones who cared enough... That I finally left this place-"

"-Y/N!?" Adam exclaimed, looking at you in alarm. His eyes were wide with horror. "Shh! D-Don't say anything, you'll hurt yourself."

But you didn't care about hurting yourself. You simply smiled at him in a soft amusement as you continued, "That's been so cold. Look at my face, all the stories it will tell I can't erase..."

"Y/N, what? That's... the song we heard on the radio-"

You raised a weak hand up to his mouth, and hushed him with your finger. This was something you would never do, but today was different. You needed Adam to listen to you. You traced you thumb down his cheek. "The road is long... just one more song, a little something..."

Adam seemed to understand then what you were tying to tell him, and he got to his knees. He bowed his head on the bed, grasping both of your hands above his head. "You don't know what you're talking about. S-Stop... You're gonna be okay, just... go back to sleep."

You gazed wistfully at Adam's bowed head. "To remind you..."

"Stop it." Adam's voice cracked, and he looked up then. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "Please."

"When..."

"Don't!" Desperation clawed into Adam's tone. "Don't say it."

"I'm..."

Adam looked at you in the eyes. They were red from crying, and his face was pale white from nerves. "Goddamn it, Y/N! Why are you singing this right now? Are you trying to hurt me?"

You stopped singing and gazed at him dolefully. "I love you, baby." Your voice trembled brokenly.

Adam frowned at you, seeming to come to the conclusion that there was no avoiding this. Not in the slightest. "No."

Smiling encouragingly at him, you felt the need to continue the song. It was only traditional. In a sweet voice you started to sing. You were able to grab some energy and put it into you voice and emotion. You were scared, but at peace, and you needed you Adam to understand that everything was okay; he was okay. The words came out purely, boldly, lovingly. You placed your hand on his face, and traced it weakly down his cheek. Calmly, you sang out, not once stopping, not once faltering, and kept your eyes solely on Adam's. "Something to remind you when I'm gone."

Adam gasped sharply at your words. "Fuck..." he murmured.

"Don't be afraid, Adam... I'll be with you... I promise."

Adam hung his head, as if unable to look at you while the life of his lover was deprived slowly out of their fragile body. You stared at him dishearteningly.

Reluctantly.

Miserably.

"I love you," you repeated.

Adam let out a choked sob. But the words were still mustered, "I love you, too."

You rolled your head to the side. You didn't want to leave him all alone, but there was nothing you could do. You wanted to stay with him and help him recover from this, but, you knew you couldn't do that either. You just had to sit it out, and it would be harder for him to accept your death than it would be for you to die. But the lights started to envelop your vision, they were bright and blinding, and the blistering temperature threatened to swallow you whole, while cold chills ran up and down your back and limbs. Your voice was sore, and your head throbbed painfully; You had to get out of here, it was too painful.

You forced yourself into the bed and tried not to thrash, your suffering ten times worse now. The light expanded and you were consumed entirely, leading you into a black well of dark. It was quiet here, and not so hot. Your cold flashes had stopped and you felt energized at last. As you gazed around the place you couldn't really see anything. However the song that was playing caught your attention. It was perfect, though, not the song you had been humming earlier. It was Staind again, and this song seemed to accompany the last one so well, it hurt. It was the ending of the song, and it just had to be this one that was playing. You listened closely, and realized the lyrics resonated within you strongly. You couldn't even believe how much you related to them. It was funny how once you had experienced the life lesson, how painstakingly obvious the truth hurt. You closed your eyes and listened. You knew this song as well.

But I always find a way, to keep you right here waiting.

I always find the words to say, to keep you right here waiting.

But you always find a way, to keep me right here waiting.

You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting.

If I chose to walk away, would you be right here waiting, searching for the things to say, to keep me right here waiting?

An emptiness filled you up. "I miss you already," you whispered aloud. It was cold - too cold - and you drifted back, feeling Adam's presence fading. Peace would find Adam eventually, even if it was only a phantom of a feeling; a stain of ruin splashed across the art. He would make it.

Yes, he would.

Happily Ever After - Adam Stanheight X Reader

It was your favorite month. The temperature was perfect, and the trees were beautiful. The sky was exactly the way you wanted, as you marched down the sidewalk. Your favorite shoes skidded across the pavement gently, barely making a sound. You stumbled along, a cool wind blowing at your clothes.

You had left your apartment not long ago to find Adam Stanheight, your boyfriend. He lived across the block from you. Your apartment was in much better shape than his, but considering his current circumstances, the reasons were valid.

Tripping a little bit over your own feet, you came to Adam’s apartment. He had given you a spare key a while back, so you could easily get inside. The only things that disconcerted you were the other people already in the building. They gave you nasty, judgmental, looks. It seemed they didn’t like you being there. This was nothing new, Adam’s neighbors had made it evidently clear that you did not belong here. They hardly let you pass by them without making sharp remarks. Adam was the reason they stopped. Self-consciously, you walked by and up the stairs, to Adam’s room. It was silent all the way there.

When you creaked the door open you were unsatisfied to find the lights turned off, the windows shuttered and Adam’s coat missing from the coat hanger, as well as his shoes missing from their place by the door. You clicked the door closed behind you, and ventured inside hesitantly. “Adam?” Your voice echoed lonely around the entire room. You flicked on the lights.

They buzzed dully, but you didn’t mind. Adam’s camera wasn’t on the coffee table. His ashtray hadn’t been emptied yet today. The smoke scent was strong, but you tried not to think about it.

You checked, halfheartedly, in the bedroom and the bathroom, and - of course - Adam’s dark room. Apparently, he wasn’t home. Where was he?

You had been with Adam for at least three years. You both thought it was best to take things slow for a while, whilst he recovered mentally from Jigsaw’s game. You were proud of him. He had come a long way from where he was before, though sometimes he would still have panic attacks, as was understandable.

Lately though, the two of you had been thinking about moving in together. It was Adam’s idea actually, and you had been surprised when he brought it up. Of course you could understand that his apartment might not be the healthiest place for Adam to be, but it was the only place that had a dark room available. It seemed Adam was ready to leave the trauma of the past behind completely now and start new. You would love to support him through that.

He had asked you to come over today, to maybe help with packing but maybe not; he hadn’t been precise about that. You wandered around for a couple minutes longer, and then figured you had no reason being here, and left.

Standing on the staircase in the wind, you tried to call your boyfriend, but he didn’t pick up his phone. This alarmed you because usually he was quick to answer his calls, especially if it was you calling. You called your best friend. Maybe they would know?

“Hello?”

Yes! You got an answer!

“Hi.”

“Y/N! Oh, W-What do you need?”

You noticed how your friend had stammered.

What the hell?

“Uh…” You said thoughtfully. “I was looking for Adam. Have you seen him?”

“No.” The response was too instantaneous for your liking.

“You haven’t seen him? Do you know where he is?”

Silence on the other end, then, “No.”

“ ‘No’?” You repeated skeptically.

“No,” your bff confirmed.

You frowned. “Well, will you call him for me? He won’t pick up. I tried calling him just now, but I also tried at my apartment.”

“Why don’t you wait? He’ll be back before long. Or are you paranoid that he’s seeing someone else?” There was a suspicious silence and then your friend burst out laughing. “Relax, I’m joking.”

“I am relaxed,” you said matter-of-factly. “You don’t have to tell me that he wouldn’t cheat on me. I know that, you idiot.”

“Awe. Did you hear that? Yeah? I know.”

Your friend was having a conversation with someone else, but you couldn’t hear who it was. You couldn’t hear them at all. “Who are you with?”

“One of the other friends. Now we will have juicy gossip for the group.”

“Right,” you sighed irritably. “Where is Adam? I thought we were going to pack some things so he could move in with me?”

“I don’t know,” your best friend sounded genuine. “Listen, Y/N, I don't know where he went, and I would love to help you but I’m busy right now. I’m sorry. Maybe just wait for him to get back. He’ll answer you when he returns to the apartment.”

“Okay, well, should I start packing up his things, or not?”

“It’s up to you.”

“I’m at his apartment right now.”

“Sure. I mean, he would probably appreciate the help.”

“Really, you’re sure you don’t know where he is?”

Your best friend only said, “I’m sorry, Y/N.” And hung up.

You scowled at the floor in annoyance. That had been uneventful… There was definitely something up with them though. That was some seriously strange behavior.

You gathered up your things once again, and went back inside. This time the hall was empty, no passersby to see you. You were mildly grateful for that.

You started in the living room, examining certain things and contemplating what to do with them. For now, you were just gonna leave everything in its place because you didn’t know how Adam wanted to situate his any of if for moving. You would just consider solutions and strategies and then consult your boyfriend when he got home. Whenever that would be.

Sitting on the couch to get comfortable while you waited, you pushed open the windows. While you tolerated the smoke smell for Adam, this was obnoxious. Why were the windows closed when the scent was so strong? You pushed a window open just as your phone lit up with a message.

You lunged for it, hoping it was Adam. You were disappointed to find that it was just a scam text asking you to click the link to some sketchy porn site. You made a face in disgust. That kind of thing did not hold your interest… Unless of course you were performing with Adam...

You tossed the phone next to you onto the couch, and went back to opening up windows, though your thoughts were now preoccupied about what kind of THINGS you might get up to with Adam, since you were on the subject already…

Unfortunately, you thought reluctantly. Adam isn’t here for me to ‘perform’ anything with.

You spent about fifteen minutes sitting on the couch, trying to figure out packing arrangements. There were already some things put in boxes and sealed away, but mostly everything was piled everywhere. You did notice though, Adam’s camera resting carefully and securely on the breakfast table. It was evident that Adam took more care of his very expensive camera than the rest of his belongings. This did not surprise you.

Absently, you picked it up in your delicate hands, and turned it over a few times. Adam would be panicking if he was here; he got way too anxious if the camera wasn’t in his own hands. But… he was not here… Which - you should have admitted to yourself first, but were too preoccupied with your discovery - this fact did not give you permission to go snooping through his privacy.

Hesitantly, you turned it on. It came on immediately, which only made you realize even more how good this camera was. This was like, top-notch perfect. No wonder it had been so expensive. No wonder Adam took such good care of it. No wonder he preserved it like it was the last one in existence. This was a damn good camera.

It felt cool on your fingers, and the buttons worked perfectly. None of them were sticky, or oversensitive. Just one gentle tap was enough to get the desired reaction.

And not to mention the photos inside. Adam had a talent for photography, that much was already apparent, but these were like… nothing you’d ever seen. They were clear, and straight on. Sometimes they were from angles so that the sun crossed right over the lens.

There were pictures of people, mostly you and sometimes Adam, but there were mostly pictures of the scenery. This must not have been his work camera, though even that one was just as expensive as this one.

Your breath had been taken from you, as you set his camera back on the table. The photos he’d taken of you were… amazing… Well, all his photos were amazing, but you hadn’t thought that you could be highlighted in such an incredible way. You hadn't even looked through all of them because you did feel guilty about prying. Adam would show you when he was ready to show you, and that’s what you were looking forward to.

You went back to the couch and peered out the window. There was traffic on this tiny road? Bizarre. Usually this street was empty. Police lights flashed passed and then the traffic cleared.

Frowning, you considered a fact about today. Today so far had been really, really, strange… You hadn’t found your boyfriend, even after a long time of searching, your bff seemed to be hiding something, and the events of the day were just weird; like for example a police car driving down the quietest street in your town.

For the first time you felt a little off, like you had teleported through another dimension and no one even knew who you were. It was an alarming feeling. You didn’t like it.

You stretched your legs out on the coffee table, wondering if Adam would mind if you turned on the TV. It seemed a little inappropriate to just… be at his house while he wasn’t there, but you were really freaked out, and… watching something to get your mind off it seemed like the best course of action. Or maybe you should just go home? That was a smart idea, right now you were essentially trespassing!

But… Adam would be home any second now, you were sure of it. Just a little longer… Just a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt anyone, and besides Adam wasn’t going to report his girlfriend for trespassing. He would understand.

Where is he? I haven’t seen him all day. I worry about him sometimes, does he know that?

After a moment’s hesitation, you took the TV remote into your hand. It was then that the door was pushed open wide, casting light into the dark room, and revealing a very tense Adam Faulkner Stanheight.

The remote slipped from your fingers dejectedly, hitting the floor with a quiet thud as you were no longer interested in it anymore. Running for your boyfriend, you called his name a couple times, apologizing for the unintended hangout at his place.

Adam smiled at you warmly, as he wrapped his arms around your waist and bent his head down to kiss you. You leaned into it willingly, moaning in surprise.

Adam pulled his head away again, and examined you. There was a gleam of adoration in his eyes. He shivered, and, without even looking away from you, said, “You opened the windows?”

You were flabbergasted. This man didn’t have to look to know you had opened them; he was so… amazing… “Yeah,” you whispered.

Adam raised a hand to your cheek, and held it for a moment, then brushed a strand of hair out of your face. His hand was warm and gentle. You pushed your head into his grasp. It was silent between you for a long time. Neither of you broke eye contact, or pulled away. This moment was perfect; exactly what you both needed.

“Adam?” You asked eventually.

Adam’s gaze flickered down your face for a moment, then back to your eyes. “Hmm?” He seemed so at peace, you didn’t want to bother him with the question.

“Where have you been?”

“ ‘Where have I been’?” Adam wondered aloud. “Well, let’s see…” He trailed off as your best friend walked into the room.

“I’mma watch the action’ah,” they popped their lips at the end.

You spun around to face them. “What are you doing? I thought you were with friends?”

“Adam’s my friend, isn’t he?”

You stared back at your bff, feeling slightly indignant, and jealous. “What the hell!?”

Your friend only nodded to Adam, a smile on their face. “Don’t jump to conclusions, baby.” There was sarcasm in their voice on the last word.

Flustered, you turned back around in a rush, not able to look at your friend anymore. You were sure it wasn’t what you thought it was, but why had they gone off to do something without you? Something wasn’t right about that.

You nearly fainted at what was in front of you.

On one knee, with his hands outstretched, was your boyfriend, looking rather smug with himself. A ring was placed in the middle of a tiny, black, box. “Will you marry me, F/N L/N?” He asked very bluntly.

Your heart seemed to stop beating. Your mind seemed to shut off. You were just… so stunned you were unemotional. All you could do was stare at Adam. “I-I-I-” You stopped talking at once.

The two others in the room were watching you intently, stiffly, apprehensively.

“I,” you found your voice finally. “Don't know what to say!”

Adam looked at you dumbly. “ ‘Yes’? ‘Yes’ would be preferable, please!”

And you realized that, in your current state of bliss, you had indeed forgotten to enlighten your boyfriend on your answer, which to yourself had been obvious - of course! You would spend everything to marry Adam! That’s what love was, right?

“Yes!” You exclaimed guiltily. “I’m so sorry, I was so shocked, you know? ‘Cause I wasn’t even thinking about the question, I was just thinking about the state of affairs, I can’t believe that this is happening right now, you know, I didn’t mean to leave you -” You said in a single breath. You were so busy you didn’t even notice when Adam stood up. In one fell swoop, Adam’s lips were back on yours, silencing you abruptly. You melted into his embrace, bringing your arms up around his neck, pushing into him, giving him all of yourself.

Your heart fluttered, your cheeks were hot, and your lips were tingling. Inside you felt a thousand things at once, but all of them were stemmed by one thing - joy. Adam pulled you closer to him, if that was even possible; you both were already practically standing on top of each other's feet. A couple of gasps and sighs were released but it was nothing that forced you to stop the make-out session. In fact, it only encouraged it more.

Somewhere behind you both, your friend arranged themself on the couch, tucking their feet under their butt, and staring, eyes wide, at the scene in front of them. If there was popcorn, they’d definitely be eating right now.

Adam let his hands trail your body, and you allowed him to feel you. He stopped kissing you to whisper in your ear, “I love you. I’m sorry I ditched you earlier, but… I do love you.”

“(bff’s name) was with you, buying the ring?”

Adam nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t want to get it wrong.”

“You wouldn’t have,” you whispered back, burying your face into his shoulder. “All that would matter was that you got me something beautiful. All gems are gorgeous, I think. Especially if they’re on a ring.”

Adam hadn’t gotten you something large, but you appreciated that, you had room to move your fingers. But it was still a very pretty color. Your favorite gemstone was in the middle, and the ring part was embedded with your birthstone. You couldn’t believe how pretty it looked altogether. “Adam,” you murmured desperately. Adam brushed his fingers through your hair. “I wouldn’t have made it this far without you, Y/N.”

“Don’t say that.”

“No,” Adam insisted. “You convinced me to keep up the photography. You convinced me to get therapy. You convinced me to… try to stop smoking…”

You laughed. “Yeah. The last one has yet to work. I don’t think I did very much convincing.”

“You convinced me to propose,” Adam admitted attentively.

You pulled back, smiling in amusement. “How so?”

“Well, last night, after -” he seemed to remember that there were more than TWO people in the room with you and started again. “What you said last night got me thinking about how much I love you.”

“Adam.” You shook your head dishearteningly. You hadn’t meant to pressure him. “I said ‘we have a unique relationship, I wonder where it will take us,’ not ‘I want you to propose to me tomorrow.’

“I do want this, though,” Adam continued hastily. “I was just nervous before. But what you said last night convinced me that I was ready to take things to a different level with you.”

“Well I’m glad you asked, because I want this, too. And the answer would have always been ‘yes’. And I’m glad that you want this. That’s what’s important.”

“It’s also important what you want,” Adam chimed in.

But I’M not the one with the trauma, you thought to yourself. You wouldn’t bring THAT up right now, but that was the reason why your relationship was moving slowly. You chuckled under your breath. Adam was way too wholesome for you.

“What?” Adam asked. “What did I say?”

You grit your teeth. “Nothing,” you told him firmly. “I’m just happy that you're happy.”

Adam smiled at you, then looked up at the third wheeler on the couch, who was leaning over their legs in utter astonishment. “Was that good?” He questioned.

“That was wonderful,” your friend exclaimed.

“Adam needed a pep talk? Really?”

“No, Adam needed confidence,” your bff retorted, then stretched and stood up lazily. “I think I’ll be leaving now. I don’t think I’m of any service here anymore.”

The couple didn’t object to the previously stated statement, in fact they were in full agreement. You watched your friend exit the apartment, and then close the door behind them. “So did you get any packing done?” Adam wondered hopefully. “You said you were going to.”

“I did some planning. But I wanted to confirm it with you first,” you confessed.

“Oh.” Adam shrugged. “I have no idea how to start! Anything works!”

“Nice!” You said, all your ideas coming to the front of your mind. “Let’s do it tomorrow, yeah? I’m tired. You know I was up late LAST NIGHT.”

Adam scoffed. “Baby, how could I forget LAST NIGHT?”

You walked into the bedroom, with Adam following closely - too closely. You got the sense that tonight and last night were going to be pretty similar. There was one key difference though. Could you guess it?

Of course.

You weren’t going to sleep next to your boyfriend anymore, you were going to sleep next to your fiance.

Now what did you think about that?

Tease - Adam Stanheight / Reader

It was midnight, in the middle of July. Long, dark, shadows stretched across the living room floor and into the kitchen. The atmosphere had a somber feeling to it, as everything around you was shrouded in mystery and blackness. You trudged delicately over the rug and wood, found yourself standing outside the apartment and stared around in awe. Your neighbors were all asleep, not one of them was making a peep. But outside, on the staircase, you could see the golden shine of the porch light, and the chilly mist swirling 'round and 'round; you knew that there was someone else awake. It was dark out here, but the little light you had from the porch was enough to guide your way. Down the hall, down the stairs, to the door... outside.

It was cool but not cold; summer was like that sometimes. The wind was icy, and the clouds carried the scent of rain. You shivered on the doorstep, you were only in thin pajama shorts and tank top; it didn't do much to cover you from the chill. Next to you was Adam. He was sitting on the last step, looking up at the sky. Of course, you were not surprised to see, the cigarette in the corner of his mouth. You took in his loose, white T-shirt, and blue jeans, as well as his dark hair, and the way the light reflected off it mildly. You stared at him for a long time, feeling content. You wondered how he could look so good without having to try. Adam though, would disagree with you in that regard.

You joined him on the bottom step and gazed up into the sky. You had been planning on keeping the silence, but Adam didn't take the hint. He looked at you and smiled, “Aren't you cold?”

You shrugged back, and hummed a quiet ‘Yes’.

Adam lifted his flannel up from his lap, and hung it around your shoulders. You put your arms through the sleeves gladly, and pulled it closer to you. It was slightly too big, but you liked the looseness of it. Adam wrapped an arm around your waist as you asked, “Aren’t you?”

Your boyfriend took a drag on his cigarette and then blew the smoke back out into the sky. “I think it feels nice. I’m actually kinda hot.”

You smirked, realizing the circumstances of your boyfriend. “You don’t need to convince me,” you replied hastily and leaned in. You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, and then returned your gaze to the night sky.

The stars twinkled - white and shiny - and accompanied the navy blue atmosphere. You could make out some of the constellations and you admired them with Adam for a long time until a low rumble rolled through the clouds. You brought your eyes back over to the grey clouds on the horizon and you narrowed your eyes at them. “Hmmm,” you muttered. “Thunderstorm?”

Adam leaned back on the stairs, adjusting his cigarette with his teeth. “Well damn. It’s such a perfect night.”

You gazed at him happily. You didn’t know how something as contagious as a cigarette could make someone look so much more attractive. You studied him for a long time, a finger messaging your lips and your other palm holding up your chin. Adam kept his face forward, the light shining on him magnificently, casually smoking from his cigarette. After a while, you couldn’t contain yourself. Adam was so perfect, so… kissable…

You kissed him promptly on the lips, and Adam fumbled with his cigarette clumsily as he tried not to interrupt you. You closed your eyes, to get a better experience. Adam took a final, quick, drag on his cigarette, and blew the smoke into your mouth. It was your fault of course, because you had kissed him when he least expected it, but still, he could have been a little more considerate.

Gagging, you pulled away, the taste of smoke filling you up and stinging the back of your throat. You swallowed a couple of times, trying to get the flavor out of your mouth. “Thanks…” You muttered sarcastically. “You should try putting the cigarette down sometimes.”

Adam inhaled on his cigarette a couple more times. “Hang on, baby… I need this.”

You sat back and watched him. By now it was probably three in the morning. Three hours had never flown by so fast ever before in your life. The clouds were still far off, but they had been steadily moving closer. The thunder had started picking up slowly, but it still wasn’t close enough to be bothersome.

“I’m sorry,” Adam choked. You could hear the effect of his smoking coming out in his voice and you shook your head in disapproval. “I couldn’t go to sleep.”

“Why?” You asked him. Adam looked at you, revealing his pale face. “Something’s wrong.”

Adam snuggled up against you. “Anxious.”

You put your chin on his head, and slid your arms under his own, and wrapped them around his stomach. “Don’t worry. I’m right here.”

Adam leaned onto you and you both continued to watch the sky. A long time passed before Adam eventually stubbed out his cigarette on the cement stairs. You rolled your eyes playfully - not that it mattered, Adam couldn’t see you anyway - and remarked sarcastically, “I get the sense you have more affection for your bad habit than you do for me.”

Adam turned a disgusted look on you, and raised his cigarette up to pretend to flick it at you. “That’s not true, you know that. I love you more than anything. Without you, I don’t think I would have made it this far.”

You raised your hands up to Adam’s face and combed your fingers through his hair. “I love you, too, baby.”

Adam kissed you unexpectedly. He was gentle but also assertive. You smiled against his lips, gasping, and tried to kiss back. Your lips would not match with Adam’s roughness though, and eventually he took dominance.

You relaxed into him, and clasped your hands with his hands. Adam’s flannel began to slip from your shoulder but you liked the way it felt. It caused the cool air to hit it constantly and sent chills up your arm all the way to your neck. You felt Adam’s warm hand slip from yours and go straight to your cheek, where it lingered for a long time. His hand was soft as it calmly caressed you. It left after a while to comb your hair, stroke your arm, and then pull his flannel back over your shoulder, never once taking his lips off of yours.

You let out a contented sigh in the middle, and grabbed his hands tighter. Adam pulled away and bit his lower lip nervously, seemingly satisfied with himself. Your lips still held a strange tingling from Adam’s kissing, and you struggled to keep yourself from pulling him in and kissing him again. You tried to look like you were okay with this.

Adam stood up and said softly, “I’m going to get rid of this,” he twisted the cigarette between his thumb and pointer finger. He patted you on the head, and disappeared inside.

You gritted your teeth frustratedly and stared after him miserably, somehow feeling like you hadn’t accomplished anything from that make-out session. Ruffled, you got to your feet, your clothes feeling extra tight. You huffed, and looked one last time out at the sky.

Dawn was breaking. Streaks of silver and rose-pink were starting to color the sky and cover up the gleaming stars. You wished the night wouldn’t end yet, but you knew that time would always move on and there was no point in dawdling.

As you climbed the stairs to your shared apartment with Adam, your body was still feeling the result of Adam’s kissing. You wished Adam hadn’t left so suddenly and that you both were still outside making-out.

Adam was waiting for you when you walked in, he had a knowing smile on his face, and he said smugly, “Took you long enough, especially for what I’ve done to you. Come on, I know you want me.”

You frowned at him in annoyance. “Damn you.”

Adam tipped his head. “What? Can’t handle the heat?” There was an underlying flirtiness to his voice. It excited you.

“You know all the right things to say,” you whimpered unhappily.

Adam gestured you over with his pointer finger. You approached willingly. “That’s better,” he said quietly as he dropped his mouth to yours. You lifted your head up to his, trying to close the gap between your mouths. Adam turned his head away. “Eager?”

You let out a huff. “No,” you lied. “Go on. Do what you will.” You were planning on NOT embarrassing yourself the next time.

Of course, Adam knew exactly what to do. He pushed you down to the couch and straddled you. “That was a lie,” he said authoritatively. “And yes. I will, thank you.” He kissed you, and you greeted him vehemently. You wanted more of this. This was perfect…

By now the room was entirely dark, no lights were there to cast shadows inside. The previous somber feeling was replaced with a fearful vibe, like some horror show might be lurking behind any corner, but for you there was another atmosphere - and you were enjoying it, definitely.

The night was nearly over, five forty-five, and the early-rising sun scared away any remaining stars in the world. The light was slowly becoming stronger and outside there were birds singing, but even so, night wouldn’t be over for a good long while yet.

Figmentary Feelings - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N Another one of Melanie Martinez’s songs, called Haunted, inspired this. Omg, I think I need help with this addiction.

Spirals spun in the walls, the air smelled smokey, the atmosphere was crisp, and the scenery was foggy. You sat in Adam’s apartment dazedly, not fully awake, and tried to solve the crossword puzzle that was displayed on your phone. You had found three words.

It had been a month since you had gotten proper sleep. Tiredness tugged at your eyes, but you kept them open. You didn’t want to sleep, but you were lucky; you couldn’t sleep - not anymore.

Adam Faulkner Stanheight was supposed to come home four weeks ago. The newspapers had announced him dead two weeks ago, but you didn’t want to believe it. Adam’s belongings were still situated in their proper places, it was as if he was still here. There couldn’t have been a way that he wasn’t ALIVE anymore. You refused to believe it.

But alas, four weeks was a long time. Adam still hadn’t come home, something that occurs when a person dies, the evidence couldn’t have been more clear.

You ignored the bright lights flashing in your eyes, or the ringing in your ears, and focused on finding the next word. It was ‘lightbulb,’ and you discovered this after about twenty failed attempts.

You put the phone in your pocket. You had a visitor coming over today. You didn’t know who it was, the landlady only said you had someone coming over. You wondered why the said ‘visitor’ hadn’t given you a heads up on their supposed arrival.

You got to your feet numbly. Immediately you spotted the black couch in the living room, and your heart sank low. You could remember when you would watch horror movies with Adam on Friday nights. You could remember when you would come home and find Adam smoking a cigarette after a shitty day ATTEMPTING to take good pictures of his clients but his camera’s lens had been dusty or misty, making it difficult. This was a common case.

There were also the moments when you would find yourselves laughing and joking with one another on the couch. Sometimes it would lead to tickling, other times it would lead to making-out. The mood decided it.

You turned harshly, hearing Adam’s voice in your ears. You flinched, but you could hear his words so clearly, so… real. You groaned in agony. “I love you.” But your words were met with silence.

You turned around and made for the kitchen, but this was also a bad idea. Adam’s presence was here, too. You could sense him standing by the oven, leaning on it with his back, and gazing at you while you tied an apron around your waist and walked over. There were many times when you would bake together. Adam had never liked cooking or baking but he seemed to have fun when he was with you.

Usually you made pies or cakes, but sometimes you would make dinner together. Those were the best nights. It was always inspired by the thought that you would play a game together. You had plenty of cards and boards in the gaming cabinet, it was more thrilling to cook dinner together first though. It helped to ripen the mood.

Right now you swore you could almost smell a baking pumpkin pie, but you knew that couldn’t be true. The oven was off, and you hadn’t gone to the store in at least two weeks.

You left the kitchen then, hurriedly, and headed for the bedroom. It was dark, and though most of your time spent here was sleeping, you still got a lot of memories. Memories you would have preferred to have left untouched. This was not because they were bad memories. In fact every memory you had with Adam was beautiful, even the bad ones, but that only spelled out the problem. You didn’t want to remember them because they were good, way too fucking good. And you couldn’t stand that.

The first thing that came to your mind was the time when you got locked out of the bedroom. The lights were off, and all you had was the sunlight shining in from the living room window. It was bright enough, but now that you thought of it, why hadn’t you turned on the lights? In the end, you ended up having to take the door off its hinges because you couldn’t find the key. But because neither of you could reach the last hinge on the top, you had to stand on Adam’s shoulders and use the screwdriver to undo it. You had felt really unsteady in that moment. The noise the door made when it fell to the floor was so loud, it was memorable. You shuttered.

You stumbled forward a little as a barrage of more images went through your mind. They were different from the last one. All of them were of Adam sitting patiently for you on the bed. Either he was sitting or laying but in some way or another there was something quite risque about his positioning. You grit your teeth hard, trying not to feel…

Well that was just it. You didn’t want to feel. You were trying not to. The statement was fine as it was, but… what you had been thinking was more like: ‘I don’t want to feel sad anymore.’

Both sentences were true.

Those weren’t the only things you recalled. You could still see Adam by the dresser as he picked out a dress for you to wear. And you could see him reaching for his camera on the bedside table.

He was staying up all night with you when you couldn’t sleep.

He was holding you tightly as you cried into his shoulder in the dark.

He was stroking your hair after a long, late, night.

He was pushing you to the mattress very dominantly - it wouldn’t have lasted very long though.

He was kissing you.

He was caressing you.

He was making you feel something, you know the kind.

And he was touching you, feeling you.

Your eyes stretched wide at the recollections. You backed away tensely, not even glancing at the master bathroom, and slammed the door closed. You were cursed to feel Adam’s hands and mouth on your body. Desperately, but failingly, you tried to ignore it.

You ran out the door, but it felt wrong. It was like Adam was still inside calling you to come back. And you clasped your hands together tightly. What the hell were you still doing here? You should have left long ago, like your therapist had told you.

You began to make moving plans. Hopefully you would be out of here by next week.

I’m sorry, Adam. I’m leaving you here. But just know that I will always love you. I would never stop. I just… need to get away from here, you thought miserably. It was about time you moved out anyway.

You got into the car and started driving. All you needed was some fresh air, and a long drive with the windows down. This was your escape.

When Adam had been with you he had always insisted on driving. But you hadn’t seen his car since he went missing. You only had yours now.

You connected your phone to the blue-tooth speaker. Your car speakers had died a long time ago, so you had bought a blue-tooth speaker. It worked well enough but it wasn’t like the car speakers, unfortunately.

You shuffled the playlist, and let it play. You didn’t have the energy to care about listening to your favorite songs first; whatever song played, played.

This was one of those times. The first song that played was a song you had forgotten about. It was Melanie Martinez’s song, “Haunted,” and you listened to it intently. Your heartbeat started hammering anxiously once you heard the lyrics again. It made you feel cold on the inside, and a little bit daunted by the real world. You wanted to crawl into your bed and feel nothing ever again.

This song was depressing! You realized it morbidly as the lyrics started.

“I could pull the sheets over my head and never get out of this bed. But what would that do?”

You rounded a corner quickly, but not too sharply.

“I avoid all mirrors ‘cause I’m scared to look into my eyes when I only see you.”

You inhaled painfully.

“It’s like you're always creeping on the walls and in my feelings. All those stories about ghosts are really true.”

You slammed on the brakes suddenly as the light changed red. You didn’t know where you were going.

“I put one foot in front of the other, in front of the other.”

You gazed around. There were people walking with their families on the sidewalks, there were cars with people laughing in them, there were stores with happy customers, there were children waiting at the bus stop together. But your life seemed so excruciatingly low right now, you didn’t even know how to comprehend it.

“Slowly, I turn every corner, turn every corner. Even when you’re nowhere in the room, I’m haunted by you.”

You tried not to relate, but the deeper meaning was too pressuring.

“I light all my candles, light all my candles. The darkness is too hard to handle, too hard to handle.”

You were losing your mind, listening to this. What the fuck, this song hit way too close to home, you needed out of here.

“Sleeping is just something I can’t do. I’m haunted by you.”

You were crying by the time the light turned green.

“I can hear your talking in the distance, your persistence is so cruel. And all your words pull at my feet and I fall back in love with you.”

Your hands trembling, you crashed them against the dashboard, thrashing and searching for the volume. You found it and twisted it violently to the right. The music got louder, and you screamed in shock. You could feel Adam’s arms around you still as you tried to breathe. Honking erupted from behind you, and other drivers started going around. You fumbled with the volume again, after your shock had worn away, and turned it off completely. That was enough for today. Now it was time to go home, and try to get some sleep.

You made a U-Turn at the intersection, and drove home in the silence. Your heart was the only sound you could hear, or even concentrate on. It was so loud you thought everyone could hear it.

Once safely inside the apartment, you grabbed a blanket, and a hot cider, and laid down on the couch. You had made it about a quarter of the way through your cider when you rested your head on the pillow. It was soft and squishy, and perfect. The spirals in your vision disappeared finally, and the atmosphere warmed up. Your mind was getting the sleep it needed at last.

Hopefully in the morning you’d be able to round the corner to the bathroom without getting lost in memory lane. That was something you had yet to accomplish, but right now you had achieved sleeping. Your therapist would be thrilled.