"Alfred Is So Good At Cooking!" "No One Can Out Cook Alfred"

"Alfred is so good at cooking!" "No one can out cook Alfred"

You fool. He is old. He is British. He is white. That is three things against him.

Bruce likes his cooking because he's very precise and gets all necessary ingredients in. Everyone else? Hates it but thinks they're the only one and that they are crazy.

Dick, trying to not get thrown back into the system: Yummy :)

Jason, a street kid who doesn't regain proper tastes until the Pit: So good.

Tim Drake, scared of being in the way: Love it :)

Damian, who knows the values of nutrients and respecting elder: Good.

In sports, when a teammate talks back to coach, shows up late, or makes a stupid mistake, everyone is punished, normally through conditioning. Sometimes, the teammate who made the mistake is the only one to sit out so that the team is even more mad at them and they feel guilty; it is better incentive to stop the behavior than if only you were being punished.

Everytime the Justice League does any of the aforementioned bad behaviors (which are a little higher risk when superhero-ing), the entire team has to fight Batman without powers. You REALLY don't want to make stupid mistakes in the Justice League because no one wants both Wonder Woman and Superman annoyed at you.

Metropolis: This is our super hero! He's very fast :) very strong :) he can fly :) and he can shoot lazers out of his eyes :) and he can breathe ice :) and he's very nice :) we love him very much :) he talks to kids and saves kitties, we love him!!!! <3 <3 ^_^ :) :)

Gotham: Our superhero is a normal dude dressed like a bat, who utilizes the darkness to beat up the sick and depraved villains of Gotham. I've never actually seen or met him. I would kill a man for him.

Damian, preparing to stab one of his siblings: >:)

Bruce, not even looking up from his newspaper: *Grabs a near by water spritzer and sprays* No, Damian

Damian: *angry and betrayed cat noises*

My therapist: Are you ready to talk about how your dad's love was more conditional for the last few years before his death and, now that he's been dead for the last 6 months, you desperately miss what your relationship was and what it could've become.

Me, hyper focusing on Batman and making him an idealized father figure in my blog: No, thank you :)

Bruce Wayne, sobbing on his knees while clutching his parents grave during a thunderstorm and screaming at the universe: Can I be happy?!?

The universe, throwing a brick with a sticky note on it at the back of his head: No <3