The Consequences Of Fucking Up

The Consequences of Fucking Up

“Your break up was messy and painful. All you want to do is to forget about him. His friends, who ever since you ended it with Yoongi see you as their bullying target, make sure that the memory of him stays fresh in your mind however, haunting you day by fucking day. While Yoongi makes it seem as if he gives no fuck about your situation. Until one night he is in front of your door. Drunk and fucking regretful.”

♥️ Requested by anonie ♥️

Pairing: Gangster!Yoongi x f.Reader

Genre: Exes!AU, Messy Break-Up!AU, Crime!AU, Cop!AU, Hurt and Comfort, Angst, Smut, a lil bit of Fluff

Wordcount: 15.9k

Warnings: lowkey they're bad for each other, but also somehow so right?, OC is such a people hater, I feel like she has mental health issues which are never addressed tbfh, she is quite the pessimist, unhealthy consumption of alcohol, smoking of cigarettes & weed (listen. i hate smoking and stand by that but it sadly fits their characters), Yoongi is kinda apathetic and cold, or is he??, IS HE???, implied violence and murder, corrupt cops & lawyers, policeman!Jungkook makes an appearance and he stole my heart tbfh :(, he is so cute that i almost sobbed, drugdealer!Hoseok makes an appearance too, there is also detective!Namjoon and smuggler!Taehyung because I love this vibe :); abuse of power, fuck Yoongi just fuck he is so ngngn, slightly protective & possessive!Yoongi, intoxicated sex, desperate!Yoongi, no foreplay, but she is not uncomfortable, choking (m.receiving), rough desperate sex, position change from sex against a sofa to missionary on said sofa, a lil bit of strength kink hihi, he cums too soon, dirty talk, tears :'), he is actually so emotional during the sex, the ending is so cheesy and cute <3, Spoiler: he is willing to change!! and he is a cutie actually, jsjsjsj sorry but i love yoongi a lot :(

Disclaimer: This is purely fiction and isn't like my usual stories. It does not portray how the boys actually are and it is not how I see them. This is a work of fiction with no correlation to real life. The type of relationships depicted in this story are far from how I normally portray my relationships and I do not advertise for such relationhips or staying in such relationships. This story is supposed to be twisted and dark & so are the relationships in it, as well as the characters. You have been warned. If you decide to continue reading, then it is out of your own free will.

a/n: now that the disclaimer is out of the way i can officially bark because woof woof fuckkcc anonie thank you so much for this idea. i had the worst and best time writing this story like nfnfnf her mental state was definitely very difficult to write, but their tension just got to me. i made the ending as cute and fluffy as possible just as you wanted hihi <3 also i love villian characters who would set the whole world on fire just to prove their dedication :) i hope this is what you imagined, because i kinda made it longer and with more plot than i planned to at first sjjsjs i couldn't be stopped jsjsj ALSO this is giving me the perfect opportunity to finally write a Kook request I got years ago ohoho

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes. 

Three months prior

“So you’re breaking up with me?” he asks, gawking at you with widened eyes. He looks more surprised than he does hurt. Probably because it hasn’t actually sunk in yet.

“I am.”

“No, you’re not.” He laughs because he never takes anything seriously.

“Yes. I am.”

“Too bad, I won’t act like it.”

“Yeah, you will.”

He laughs, “you’ve had better jokes, but I still admire the commitment.”

“You see. That’s the problem with you. Everything’s a fucking joke to you.”

He is smiling. It reaches his eyes.

“Your job, your men. Me. Everything’s a fucking joke to you. If you would have taken Sukuna’s thread seriously, Soojin would still be alive. If you didn’t fucking insult Miss Mei, you wouldn’t have lost twenty thousand in drugs and you wouldn’t have to fucking kiss asses like a beggar.”

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore.

“If you would have put any kind of effort into me, I wouldn’t be leaving now. You take everything as a joke, while in reality you are the biggest joke here.”

His smile falls. You stood up and that actually scared him. 

“Wait baby, wait. Princess, we can talk about this”, he argues, closing the distance with his arms stretched open. “I’ll fix the issue with Miss Mei, I promise.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m done talking. Soojin died because of your recklessness.” 

Yoongi touches your hands. He holds them, clutches them. You have never felt such a touch from him before. As if he actually loved you. 

“What can I do? Tell me and I’ll do it”, he offers, caressing your knuckles. 

This is what you craved for months. Affection. Attention. You were always a passing thought to him. Something to fuck and possess. Something low maintenance like all his other shit. His current touch almost makes you want to stay because for the briefest moment, your breaking heart wants to believe that he finally changed. 

But you know better. He doesn’t take you seriously and if you stay, you will one day end up like Soojin. Metaphorically or not, you will end up dead because of him. 

“There is nothing you can do. Sorry.”

You slip out of his touch.

“Baby”, Yoongi follows you with panicked eyes, trying to touch you again.

“Goodbye, Min Yoongi.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

You close the door and run, finally letting the tears escape. 

You love him.

You always have and perhaps always will. 

You don’t want to leave, but know that staying will kill you. 

One week passes. You spent it holed up in your small, shitty apartment, crying your heart out. Yoongi was the best and worst thing that ever happened to you and you miss him. You hate that you miss him. Because he was way worse than he was good. 

He was never abusive. He was a violent man to anyone but you. You, he always touched with utmost care. At you, he never screamed. But he was still not good. He was cold and apathetic at times, then terribly affectionate at others, only to become cold again. And you couldn’t take it anymore. 

You wouldn’t have left your apartment today if your fridge hadn’t been empty. It wasn’t always empty, but sadly enough, groceries don’t magically appear. Not even for an outlaw such as yourself.

The city is busy. The smell of street food, smog and body odor poisons the air. The weather is hot these days and people started sweating more. You can’t stand people. You pull the mask tighter around your nose, hoping to shield the stench this way. 

You greet the clerk when you enter the shop, lowering your mask. It smells of grocery store in here. Fresh bread, produce and clean floors. It’s a welcome change to the rancid outside.

You spent fourty minutes in the shop and pay with cash. You never pay with card because it can be traced. Someone like you can’t risk being found. 

“See you”, you say your goodbyes and leave the store. You plan on coming back in three weeks. You can’t stand being outside often.

The door just about closed behind you and then someone jumps you. Three people to be more exact. Two hold your arms while one rips the bags out of your hands. 

“Let go! Hey, you fuckers!” you fight them off instantly, surprised at how easily it is to do. Way too easy. They let go of you as quickly as they grabbed you. At first you think that nothing happened, until you notice your grocery bags in one of the guys’ hands. They stole your stuff!

“You motherfuckers! Get back here! They’re mine!” 

They run away, flipping you off over their shoulders.

You sprint after them, but before you reach them, they jump onto a tuk tuk and drive off, finally showing you their faces. Those were some of Yoongi’s underlings.

“What the fuck?” You stumble back in disbelief. “Did they fucking steal my food? What the fuck’s happening?” 

It takes you a while before you finally come to the conclusion that you have to buy everything they stole a second time. And you do. And nobody jumps you. And you go home, make yourself shitty dinner and drink a bottle of soju all by yourself. It isn’t a good night. It’s a shit night. But then. All your nights have been shit for years.

You met Yoongi four years ago. It correlates with when your shit nights began. Okay, you are being unfair. The first two years with him were paradise and your nights were wonderful. You were an aspiring lawyer, while he was in the midst of getting a promotion to superintendent.  You supported each other’s dreams, motivated each other and celebrated when your goals were achieved. Then the truth spilled out. The man you knew to love turned out to be a lie. Why you never left, you do not know. He gave you the chance to leave, but you didn’t. You made yourself low maintenance to him and your nights became shit. He pretended to be a proper policeman by day while you pretended to be a proper lawyer and at night he became what he hunted by day while you tried to hide whatever evidence about him flooded into the offices. You hated it at first, then loved it, then lost your job because of it and became dependent on him and started to hate it again. Well, at least working for him. You liked everything else. Having to work in the system and seeing how corrupt even the most eligible politicians or CEOs truly are, made you realise that perhaps stealing from them isn’t as bad as it first sounded. You liked being on the dark side of the law because the bright side was just as twisted. You just simply started to hate that it means being close to Yoongi.

It took Soojin’s death to finally make you realise that staying with him will end in your death as well. And so you finally left.

You will start a new life, make up a new identity, move to a different country and forget about him. Maybe. Who knows. You haven’t decided yet.

A letter comes five days after the grocery store incident. It is stuffed into an unsealed envelope and clearly delivered by the person who wrote it. You open it, feeling shit instantly. Whoever wrote this letter is calling you the most hurtful of names, telling you personal stuff which truly hurts. You throw it away and go back inside, opening a bottle of soju. It wasn’t Yoongi’s handwriting, but somehow you still think that it is connected to him. You try not to let it get to you, but you still end up rotting away in your bed for the rest of the week only leaving it to piss, shit and eat. 

The next week your packages are missing. You never get them back. The culprit is never found. You curse the sky, knowing that it was fruitless. Yet again, you think that it was connected to him. To Yoongi, the man you wanted to forget, but who keeps haunting you day by day.

The city at night is a dangerous place. If you don’t know where to walk, you could find yourself in a rather messy situation. Especially as a woman. You are glad that most women are clever enough to stay at home once darkness greets the streets. Most women don’t know how to defend themselves though. Properly and without the law in mind. You killed before. Once. It was self defence. Yoongi took care of the body, you never found out what happened to it. He stayed with you the night it happened, even let you cry in his arms. He was gone the next day and never spoke of it again.

You clutch the big knife tightly in your bag, scanning the streets constantly. It isn’t far anymore until you are home. Hopefully the heavy rain clouds stay dry until you get there. You aren’t in the mood to get wet. Not tonight. You would have never left if you hadn’t ran out of fucking cigarettes. The kiosk was closed, so the journey was useless. Thunder announces that the clouds aren’t your friends. Mere seconds later, it starts pouring.

“Fucking shit, I hate this city.”

Rain in this city is always dirty and never really cold. You take it as a bad sign. Rain shouldn’t be warm. Not always, not constantly. Something’s wrong with this city. Something is rotting slowly until one day it will consume everything in its wake. You hope to have left before it can wake up.

The way home is too long for the amount of dirty rain it pours. You find refuge under a shop sign. There are no rooftops or canopies in sight and the only thing close to a safe place was the stupid restaurant sign. Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in bright red letters. The place is stuffed with people and the smell of beef broth mixes with the dirty scent of rain. You grind your teeth. What a shitty situation you find yourself in. You prefer being outside though. You know that once inside, the restaurant would be hot and stink of digested booze and body odor. You take getting wet over breathing in people’s air.

Except that you don’t really stay wet for long. The distinct sound of rain hitting an umbrella meets your ears. You look up. Black. You look to the side at the person holding it. Yoongi. Your stomach twists, your heart skips a beat. He is wearing a suit tonight. Black with a black tie. His hair is slicked back. He used makeup to  conceal the scar running all the way from his forehead over his eye and down half his cheek. This is his work outfit. His police chief outfit. Yes. He is a chief these days.

Your instincts tell you to leave without saying anything, but it’s been six weeks since the breakup and you still love him. You hate that you do, but can’t stop staring at his face. He has his brows raised in a nonchalant way as he inspects the heavy rain. He doesn’t grant you eye contact, but holds the umbrella in a way which lets you know that he came out here after seeing you. His left shoulder is getting wet, while you stay dry completely.

“What are you doing here?” you hear yourself ask him.

“Work dinner. I have to pay ‘cause I’m the boss and all that shit. They’re eating like greedy pigs”, he scoffs, “fucking assholes.”

“I see.”

“You?” 

“Buying smokes.”

He finally looks at you, studying from head to toe.

“The kiosk was closed”, you answer his question about your cigarettes’ whereabouts before he can ask it.

“I thought you quit.”

“Some things happened which made me start again.”

“Mhm”, he hums and takes out a packet of cigarettes from the inside of his suit jacket. He lights himself one and puts the packet away again, leaving you to stare at the smoke he blows out through his nose.

He isn’t actually serious, is he? It is like he is mocking you. It is already bad enough that he sends his stupid goons to terrorise you, now he is mocking you as well? You hate that you still love him.

You stay like this for a while. You staring at him while he holds the umbrella for you and smokes. You don’t know why you stay. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much.

Yoongi takes a long drag of the cigarette and exhales the smoke in an almost sigh-like breath. He lifts the cigarette, holding it closer to you.

“What?” you sound disbelieved, scandalised even.

He doesn’t say anything. He just shows you the cigarette as his eyes follow the endless rain. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much. But you still take the cigarette and put your lips right where he had his’ moments before. But you still smoke it as if it was the most normal thing to do. Because it once was. You and he shared many smokes in the past. It was once the most sensual, erotic thing to do between you and him. Barely clothed, intoxicated minds and high on the other, you often shared a joint as you got each other off. Fuck, it was always so fucking orgasmic to be with him that way.

“Wanna grab a bite?” he offers, pointing at the restaurant behind him, “one more mouth to feed isn’t gonna ruin me.”

You are hungry. You haven’t had a proper meal in weeks. Instant ramen, frozen food and snacks is all your body has to run on. You have no energy to cook and with how shitty you eat, it is a vicious cycle. Shitty food gives little energy, you already have low energy. The motivation to properly cook grows lower and lower each day. You dread the day you have only enough energy left to open a package of chips and eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

“I’m not hungry.”

He glances at you. He knows that you are lying. Your eyes have greyed in starvation. He almost rips the cigarette out of your fingers and smokes it angrily, huffing out the smoke. 

“I’m offering”, he hisses.

“And I’m declining. I can take care of myself”, you throw back and rip the cigarette from his grasp to smoke it angrily. 

You may be starving, but you will be damned if you make yourself dependent on him again. You left him to finally prove to yourself that you can take care of yourself. You don’t need his help. Not anymore. 

You take another deep drag, then hand the cigarette to him. He smokes it, glaring at you. You know that your stubbornness angers him.

“Tell your men to stop pestering me”, you say into the tense silence. 

He looks over his shoulder at his police team. They are too drunk and caught in conversation to pay their boss any mind.

“They’re inside”, he says.

“You know I don’t mean them. Tell your other men to stop annoying me.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes. You do.” It is your turn to smoke. “It all started when they stole my groceries, but it’s been getting childish. My packages keep getting stolen, my internet cuts off, I find letters in my mail. Letters saying awful things about me. It’s getting ridiculous. Tell your men to stop terrorising me.”

“Stolen packages?” He takes the cigarette from you, brushing his fingers against yours as he does. The touch feels like the sweetest poison on your skin. “This doesn’t sound like my problem to solve. Go to the police.”

“Are you serious?” 

He inhales, exhales the smoke into your face. You should be disgusted by it, but almost huff it in like an addict. Yoongi watches your lids lower and your chest raise in a greedy breath, finding it hard not to stare at your lips as he hands you the cigarette. You smoke it. His eyes are still on your lips, glued to the shape of them as his throat runs dry.

“Very serious”, he rasps.

“You are the police”, you throw back in disbelief, exhaling the smoke into his face that way.

“Mhm yeah, I guess I am.” He takes the cigarette, smoking it with half lidded eyes. He exhales, handing you the cigarette. “When are you going to come home again?” he asks, looking back at the rain.

You almost choke on the smoke, exhaling it in a cough. Yoongi glances at you from the corner of his eyes.

“Your farce is getting ridiculous”, he says coldly.

“My farce?”

This break up wasn’t the first break up you and he went through. You left many times before, always thinking that you were finally strong enough to forget him only to come crawling back again. You don’t blame him for doubting that this time will be different, but you still can’t stop yourself from getting angry.

“Did you even hear what I said?”

“I did. Go to the police. I have nothing to do with it.”

You drop the half-finished cigarette. It dies in the puddle on the ground.

“I was smoking this”, he says dryly, “besides, don’t litter.”

“Pick it up yourself if you care so much about these dirty ass streets”, you spit and turn to leave. You take getting wet over being with him any longer.

Yoongi watches you leave, shakes his head in disbelief and bends down to pick up the cigarette. He won’t run after you because you will come crawling back eventually. You always do.

“Sir?” 

He turns his head. One of his officers. He is young and with sparkles of big dreams in his eyes. Yoongi pities him. This city is going to chew him up until there is nothing left of him. He had the same dreams once and knows what the viper nest, which is the justice system, is going to do to him. 

“What do you want?” he asks him dryly, rolling the wet cigarette between his fingers.

“Who did you talk to right now?”

“Just someone important to me.”

“Shouldn’t we escort her home? It’s raining and there could be criminals on the streets. It’s too dangerous for a woman to be alone.”

“She’ll get home safely.”

“Are you sure, Sir? I stayed sober for cases like these. I could get the car right away.”

“You’re sober?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“But it’s a work dinner. You’ve been off work for hours.”

The young officer salutes, “I know, Sir but a policeman shouldn’t slack, Sir.”

Yoongi feels deep pity for the young man. He is so motivated, so proper and full of good spirit. Waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him.

He pats him on the shoulder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon”, he says and swerves past him to get back inside. 

The young officer follows him with pride glimmering in his innocent eyes. Yes, waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him. 

Yoongi wasn’t always living two lives. He was like his young officer once. Full of dreams and motivation. He dreamed of using his powers to do good, to help those who needed it most and then he woke up. He watched politicians and men in power ruin, rape and kill the powerless without ever getting punished for it. He felt helpless. If even someone in his position can’t change the world, then who will? His criminal work was honourable once. He slipped evidence money under the table to hand out to the powerless, he let proof disappear for people doing crimes out of desperation. One time he was supposed to put a starving mother behind bars because she stole diapers for her babies. Yoongi couldn’t do it and so he disobeyed the law for these kinds of people.

But then his criminal work became less about the powerless and more about him. Making money the illegal way was easy and it is fucking addicting. Especially when he could make sure that evidence about him never reached the higher ups. Yoongi fucking loved the sudden power he possessed and he was too blinded by it to see that he became exactly what drove him to criminality in the first place.

Yoongi tells his officer to check up on your place that night. The young officer rings the doorbell like he was told to do.

You open it, swaying from intoxication as you do. The stench of digested booze wafts off you. But you somehow seem to sober up when you see the police badges on his shirt.

“You’ve got the wrong person”, you tell him, trying to morph your face into an expression of sobriety.

“Don’t worry, Miss. I came here to check on you.”

“Check on me?”

“Yes, Miss.” He salutes you. “I have orders from my captain to make sure that you arrived home safely and that you received this”, he says with an innocent smile on his lips, presenting a plastic bag to you. 

Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in red letters and inside, three big takeout containers of food are waiting to be eaten. 

Everything clicks into place. This is one of Yoongi’s employees. Another young, hopeful spirit which will be crushed in the system. You pity the young officer. You had the same innocent sparkle in your eyes once.

Hesitantly, you accept the takeout food.

“Thanks”, you mumble.

“Any time, Miss.” He studies you for a moment. “Are you…are you okay, Miss?”

You bite back tears. His empathy is going to kill him one day. But it feels so good to receive. You haven’t been asked this question in so long.

You shake your head. He straightens up in worry. 

“Should I call help for you, Miss?”

You know what he indicates.

“Thank you, no. I’m just going through some shit. Sorry, I’m being sappy tonight.”

“You don’t have to go through it alone, Miss.”

“I know. I’m just… I’m seriously alright, I won’t do anything stupid. You don’t have to worry, officer.” 

“Yes, well I still see it as my duty to stay because you seem sad to me”, he says and tries to go inside your apartment. He still has a lot to learn. You know from his eyes that he has no bad intentions and that he truly wants to help, but you know how the city will treat such deeds. One day he will try to help the wrong person and end up with attempted sexual assault charges. And it will fucking destroy him because people like him only see the good in the world and can’t imagine that others would want to hurt people.

You stop him with a guiding hand on his chest.

“That isn’t necessary, really. My packages keep getting stolen and I guess it’s been annoying me.”

He pulls out a pen paper instantly, stepping closer to you without noticing, “your packages? Have you seen anyone suspicious? How many packages have gone missing? When did it start?”

“No, I… Thank you for your concern and the food, but I will get through the night safely.”

He steps back, cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

“Forgive me, I don’t know why I did that. My captain said that you were important to him and that I should make sure that you are well, so I wanted to do a good job at it.” He bows at you deeply. “Please forgive me, Miss.” 

“He said that?” you whisper.

He nods his head, “yes, Miss.”

“Oh. Uhm. ” You clear your throat. “Thank you, I, uhm, tell him that I’m good.” 

“I will, Miss. Here, my card. You can always call me when you need something” he hesitates, “or when you just need someone to talk to.” 

“Thank you. This is so kind.”

“You are never alone, Miss.”

“Thank you”, you say, bowing at him. He is so kind. God, you want to grab him and tell him to run before it’s too late.

He bows as well, “good night, Miss.”

“Good night.”

You watch him leave. He gives you one last look out of the police car and a kind wave, then drives off. 

You close the door with a curse. This just sobered you up. The young policeman’s kindness just sobered you up. You check his name on the card he handed you. Jeon Jungkook. Why someone like him? He never should have found his way into this field of work. 

You look at the takeout food next, feeling your stomach twist. You are important to Yoongi. Holy fuck.

It’s been eight weeks since you left him. You don’t feel better. The cigarette you shared was two weeks ago and yet you still feel as if it was sticking to your lungs. Each time you breathe out, you swear you can taste him. It almost suffocates you and keeps you from relaxing. So you leave your depressing place for a walk to the kiosk. You read somewhere that walks are good for one’s mental health. You can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are loud and fucking stink.

The vendor must be fucking with you. The day is bright, but the kiosk is closed again. You bang your fist against the closed door, cursing loudly. You want your fucking smokes is that too much to ask? This city is fucking shit.

You’ll just call someone who will always help. You saved him as Jay. His real name is Hoseok. You don’t say his real name in public. He doesn’t say yours. Yoongi sometimes called him his best friend, but what is such a title out of the mouth of the most apathetic man you know? You were his girlfriend too and look at where this has gotten you, living as an outlaw in the shit and dirt of this city.

Like always, Hoseok lets the phone ring four times then he picks up.

“Flames are hot”, he says.

“And the arsonist works hard”, you answer him.

“Hyacinth, it’s good to hear your voice”, there is finally a smile in his voice now that you answered the code correctly.

“The same goes for you, Jay.”

“What’s up? I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

“Nothing much. I’m out of smokes.”

“The corner in twenty?”

“Yeah.”

You and he end the call at the same time. Twenty minutes later you meet. He wears black overalls and smudged eyeliner. He says it keeps the char easier to hide. Like always, he greets you with a quick hug.

“What do you got?” you ask him.

“Whatever you want.” He opens his bag. “I’ve got cigarettes, but something stronger too”, he says, scurrying around the contents of the bag with his fingers. He always has burn marks on them, but somehow they are never dirty.

“What do fifty bucks buy?”

“For you? Two packs of cigarettes and two joints. That’s a steal.”

“Fuck dude, you’re getting expensive.”

“Yeah well, a man’s gotta eat.”

“Fine, I’ll take it.”

You and he exchange goods. He makes small talk.

“But why are you here with me? Did Suga run out of goods?”

Suga is Yoongi’s codename in public. The sound of it almost brings bile into your throat. You did such a good job in forgetting him and now the memory of him is as fresh as a new day. At least you like to pretend that you are doing a good job at forgetting him. Your heart knows better though.

“We, uhm…”

Hoseok exhales sharply, “again?”

You nod your head.

“When?”

“More than two months ago.”

“Damn, that’s long.”

“Yeah, I’m serious about it.”

He cocks his brow up.

“I am”, you insist just a little snappishly.

“Alright”, he closes his bag, “I gotta go now.”

“Already?”

He looks around nervously. Almost as if he didn’t want to be seen with you.

“Yup. Use the stuff wisely, I won’t have new stuff for a while.”

“Seriously?”

He nods his head and salutes you nonchalantly.

“See you around.”

“See…you?”

He turns his back to you and walks off quickly, soon disappearing into the busy crowd. Is this your fate? Even the people closest to you avoid you now that you aren’t Yoongi’s anymore? Were you truly only worth something as his little thing? You ball your hands into fists, bending the joints this way. You have to leave this fucking place. There is actually nothing holding you here anymore.

That night the phone terror starts. Numbers keep calling you over and over and over again. You pick up the first time, only to have to listen to the most hurtful things another human has ever said to you. The voice wasn’t Yoongi’s, but you still blame him. Now that you aren’t his thing anymore, you became free food to whoever had been waiting to make your life a living hell. You turn off your phone after an hour and go to sleep with the help of Hoseok’s joints.

The doorbell wakes you the next morning. You consider not answering because it’s probably just one of his goons wanting to terrorise you. But whoever is ringing the doorbell is stubborn, forcing you out of your bedroom. You look through the door cam first.

That young officer. He is in full uniform.

You open the door hesitantly.

“Good morning”, he greets you with a wave and a smile.

“Good morning”, you murmur. Your mouth is as dry as a fucking desert. You are also so hungry that you could throw up in his face right now.

“How are you feeling, Miss?”

“Good.”

“That’s good to hear.” He says and shows you a package which he kept hidden behind his back all this time. He smiles brightly and proudly. “Tada!”

“What’s that?”

“I caught the package thief, Miss.”

“Are you serious?” you gasp and your eyes instinctively drift to the car you have noticed parked outside your unit for days. The door is opened and someone is sitting in the backseat. He looked cuffed to the seat. You glance at the young officer and the shiteating, proud grin he is sporting. He has been watching you? Did Yoongi tell him to?

“Wait. You’re actually serious.”

“Very serious. For you, Miss”, he says and shoves the package into your face.

“Uhm, uh. Thanks”, you accept it, putting it under your arm. “Have you been watching me?”

“Did you notice the car? Sorry, I thought that I was better hidden. I’m still new to all of this. But I caught the thief, heh.” He points at himself with his thumbs. “That’s my first real arrest.”

He manages to drag an honest smile to your lips. He is kind of adorable in a way.

“That’s cool. Thank you for taking care of it. Now I’ve got nothing to worry about anymore.”

He grins and nods his head, studying your features afterwards. He opens his mouth.

“Jeon are you there? Over”, his walkie talkie interrupts whatever he wanted to ask you. He takes it off his chest harness.

“I’m here, Kim Sir. Over.”

“Come to the precinct. We need reinforcements. Over.”

“Coming right away, Sir. I caught a thief right now, Sir. Over.”

A pause where the higher officer is definitely baffled by his confession.

“Good job, Jeon. Over.”

The young officer giggles before he speaks again, doing so as seriously as possible.

“Thank you, Kim Sir. I am taking the criminal to the precinct. Over.”

“Understood. Over.”

He puts the walkie talkie back on its harness and gives you a sorry smile.

“That was my boss. My other boss, not your friend who is the boss of this boss. Anyways. I have to go now, duty calls. Are you going to be okay, Miss?”

“I am. Thank you for your kindness.”

“Anytime, Miss. Uhm, have a good day”, he says and leaves with a wave of his hand. He waves again as he drives off. You retort it, staring at his car until it disappears behind a corner. You sigh deeply. He is so nice. Why someone like him? Why does this life always find people like him?

It’s been ten weeks since you left him. You read somewhere that walks are good for your mental health. You still can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are still loud and still fucking stink. But it’s better than staying in your apartment. You’ve got new neighbours since Monday. They keep fucking like actual animals. They fucked when you left your place tonight. You were this close to kicking their door in and slaughtering them like pigs. You opted for a walk in the end.

You walk for a while then sit down by an empty bench next to the river. It is quiet. Nobody is really here. At least nobody important. A couple, how disgusting. A late night jogger, clearly a man. A homeless person, who uses another bench as their bed. You hate looking at homeless people because you feel helpless seeing them. You stopped being on the bright side of the law because of people like them. You thought that maybe if you stole from the corrupt men in power often enough, you would be able to help the ones who truly needed it. But you never managed to actually achieve anything. The homelessness in the city grows, while the pockets of the politicians become fatter and fatter in wealth. You fucking hate this city. It is rotten to the core.

“Look who we have here. If that isn’t our pretty little Hyacinth.”

You aren’t quick enough to get up to leave and then you already have two men throwing their arms over your shoulders while a third is grabbing the back of your head from behind. You try to reach for your knife but can’t. Their grip on you is too good.

“What are you doing here all alone?”

Their voices are familiar and one look at them confirms your suspicions. It’s them. The same three underlings who stole your groceries months ago.

“Leave me alone”, you tell them.

“Why should we? You are all alone. If the boss knew we’re leaving you alone, he’d grow angry.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Now, now don’t be like that. You’re just a girl and there are many dangerous men out there.”

You look to your side. One of them is licking their lips like a hungry animal.

“Yeah? And you’re being fucking inappropriate. Leave me alone”, you spit, shaking off their arms.

They let you. Just as they let you stand up and take your bag.

“Goodnight”, you tell them and leave. Quickly. You walk a good hundred feet until you finally dare to look over your shoulder only to realise in horror that they are following you. Quickly.

You can defend yourself. You know how to kill, but you also know when you are outnumbered. And three bigger men against a woman is sadly never going to end well for the woman. You hate this city and you hate this life. You know that their words were nothing but provocation. They know you aren’t with Yoongi anymore, that you aren’t under his protection anymore and that in some weird way, you sullied his honour. You also know how people who bring dishonour to the gangs of this city are punished. The men are murdered and the women, well, they are murdered too but not before being sullied themselves. You hate this city and you hate this life. This life which is going to fucking end for you soon.

You dare to look over your shoulder one more time. They are so close that you can see the hunger in their eyes. No. Nononononono. It can’t end like this. You were supposed to leave this city, start a new life, forget about Yoongi. You are not going to die here in this dirty, shitty park far away from your dream.

Thump.

You bounce back from the impact, letting out a blood curling scream. It was instinct. Just as it is instinct of the person you ran into to grasp you by your arms and pull you closer again.

“Let me go! Help! Help me!”

“Quiet”, the person hisses and shakes you. This voice sounded different. Familiar in an almost intimate way.

You dare to shift your eyes to them.

Yoongi.

“I, I, I”, you stutter, feeling delirious in both fear and shock. You grab his shirt, twisting it to get closer to him. The act is intimate and out-of-place but you are too frightened to think clearly. 

Yoongi brushes over the state of your glassy eyes to look over your shoulder. There are three men suddenly scurrying away, using the darkness to hide. He managed to get their faces.

He looks back at you. Your eyes meet. A little bit of clarity returns to you. What are you doing? Your fingers soften around his shirt. 

“I don’t…”

“Come on, we’re going home”, he say sternly and puts an arm around your waist, dragging you with him like this.

You follow him all the way to his car. You even let him sit you down on the passenger seat and you even stay seated when he rounds the car to get to the driver side. You think that you are in shock because you don’t protest when he starts the car, nor when he drives off. You simply stare outside with your knees turned to him because your body acts against your consciousness. The city passes you by in flashes of neon colours. His car smells like his cologne and leather. He has no music playing. 

Yoongi glances at your face. You have your head against the window, squeezing your hands between your thighs. The neon lights illuminate your features each time he passes by another light source. He can see that you are trying not to shake.

He takes a deep breath, shifting his eyes to the road. He has to grip the steering wheel, otherwise his hands would shake in anger.

“Should we get dinner?”

His voice rips you from whatever trance you were in. You sit up straight, looking at him. He is gripping the steering wheel to the point his knuckles pale. His long hair is hanging into his face tonight. A turquoise varsity jacket adorns him. His scar wasn’t hidden behind concealer. He wasn’t working his day job today. What was he doing at the park? Why was he there?

“Take me home”, you order him.

“I am.”

“No. Home. Not your place.”

“My place is your home”, he gets out through gritted teeth.

“No, it isn’t. Not anymore.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Did you see what they were doing to me?”

“No.”

You are lost for words for a moment. The tears come afterwards.

“Stop the car.”

Yoongi looks at you because your voice was shaking. He holds his breath at the sight of your tears.

“What?” he makes sure.

“Stop. The. Car. Now.”

He laughs and shakes his head.

You pull the knife out on him. He swerves to the side on instinct, fixing the mistake so vigorously, you and he shake in the small space. You don’t let it affect you, holding the knife against his skin.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he hisses.

“Stop the fucking car or I’ll kill us both”, you spit, holding the knife against his throat.

“Fuck”, he growls and hits the steering wheel. The car rolls to a stop.

“Get out”, you threaten.

“I am. Fuck.”

He follows your orders because you have his life at blade’s end. He still slams the door closed. You leave the car instantly.

“What the fuck were you thinking? You could have killed us both” he tries to scold you, but you silence him.

“I’m talking now”, you roar.

Yoongi closes his mouth because he has never heard you like this before.

“You are such an asshole! Each day I regret the moment I met you! You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!”

Yoongi gulps. 

“I had a life before you. I had dreams and ambitions and, and goals and…a chance. I could have had a good life. I was supposed to use my degree to help people but you ruined everything for me.”

He rounds the car in big steps, coming so close to you that you smell his breath. It smells like chewing gum. 

“You could have achieved something? What exactly did you achieve as a lawyer? Mhm, what did you achieve? This city is fucked.”

“Yes, because you fucked it!” you hit his chest. He doesn’t budge, but also doesn’t stop you. “You fucked it and you fucked me and I hate you for it!”

“Don’t blame me for your decisions. I gave you a chance to leave me back then. You were the one who stayed.”

You inch closer until your lips are almost touching. Yoongi exhales shakily, placing his hand on your hip. 

“And I will regret this decision till the day I die”, you whisper, breaking the closeness.

You slip out of his hold. He follows you in a small stumble and a trembling gasp. 

“I never want to see you again. Are we clear?” you hiss at him.

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous, you don’t want this”, he hisses back at you.

“You’re wrong, I don’t want you. I thought I still did, but I don’t. You don’t care about me, it’s finally so fucking obvious to me. You don’t fucking care.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“They are terrorising me, Yoongi!” You finally scream. “I wake up to people ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night, I have to keep my phone turned off because the phone calls don’t stop. I keep getting my stuff stolen and, and I thought I was going to be raped tonight! They are terrorising me and you called it not your problem!”

“No, you-”

“I’ve been living in constant fear, our friends don’t even look at me anymore, I haven’t eaten in days and I can’t-”, you stop yourself. He doesn’t even deserve your anger anymore. “-you know what? Fuck this and fuck you. I’m leaving.”

You turn your back to him and leave. 

He says your name and takes your hand. He pulls, tries to turn you to him. But you rip yourself free again.

“Don’t go”, he says.

You don’t listen.

“I’m ordering you to stay”, he sounds desperate, yelling your name, “I am ordering you!” 

He can yell as much as he wants to. You don’t listen to him anymore. The subway station isn’t far. You will make an exception and take it tonight. Even if you hate it. It stinks. Just like the rest of this shitty city.

You are going to leave. Once you are home, you are going to start packing and then you are going to leave. You will call V. You don’t know his real name, but he can change your identity as quickly as others change their socks. You will call V and tell him to have your passport ready the day after tomorrow. You will pay him with the money you have under your pillow and then leave for somewhere clean. Maybe somewhere with lots of mountains. You always heard that the air at these places is breathable.

You call V the same night. He tells you that two days is too short and to wait another week. So you wait. Your bags have been packed. You live out of them in your own place. You don’t leave it. You are scared. With how little Yoongi cared about your situation, you doubt that he told his men to stop. You are scared that if you left again, they would finally go through with what they couldn’t finish back then.

The doorbell rings during a rainy, dark night. You flinch awake to the point where you feel sick to the stomach. The lights are turned on instantly eventhough you know not to do that in such a situation. You can’t think clearly. You just want this to be over. All of it.

You run to the front door because you suddenly feared that it was unlocked. It isn’t, but you can watch someone push an envelope under your door. The shadow blocking the light outside leaves the moment the letter is inside your apartment.

You don’t want to open it at first, staring at it as if someone had planted a bomb in your apartment. Fuck it, if that is how you die then so be it, you think in the end and bend down to pick it up. It feels different in your fingers. Sophisticated. Intimate. The envelope is glued closed as if someone licked the glue stripe and the faint smell of well-known cologne lingers on the paper. You open it with shaky fingers.

A letter. It is heavy and folded once. You open it, gasping when three photographs fall out of it and onto the ground. You don’t know what is on them because they landed on their face side. So you read the letter first.

“It has always been mine as well.”

Written in black ink and a familiar handwriting. This is Yoongi’s writing.

With even shakier hands, you pick up the pictures. You feel sick for a moment, gawking at the cruel pictures with your hand thrown over your mouth. The three men who terrorised you. Their mutilated corpses look back at you. He tortured them to death.

You rip the door open, stumbling onto the balcony. You look down at what tripped you. Two bags of your favourite takeout food and a six pack of water. Both clearly fresh. So it was him. Yoongi must be here somewhere. You look into the distance. The night is loud and blurry in a thunderstorm. The streets are empty. The ghost of your past is gone again. You squint your eyes. A person.

“Yoongi!” you call out, unable to realise that you are smiling and waving your hand.

The person moves. Oh. It was just the shadow of a tree. For just a moment you had hoped that the dark shape was him waiting for you. It was just a tree…and you were happy that if could have been Yoongi. The realisation hurts.

“Fuck”, you press out, going back inside. The lump in your throat makes it hard to breathe. You stumble back to bed, halting for a moment when you pass your suitcases.

It has always been mine as well. His words repeat themselves in your head. All this time, you thought that he didn’t care. All this time, you thought that your terror left him cold. Your eyes drift over the empty takeout boxes from the noodle place. You still haven’t cleaned them up. He made sure that you were properly fed for days back then. A glance at the new stuff he got tonight. He is still making sure that you are. Your eyes drift over the package next. He made sure that they stopped getting stolen. You look at the pictures in your hands. He made sure that they would never hurt you again. All this time, you were so blinded by your own anger that you missed how he had always looked out for you. You missed his way of showing you that you were important to him.

It has always been his problem as well.

Something inside you breaks and you scream. You don’t know what you scream for, but you scream. It hurts so much. It hurts so much because you will still leave. He will hurt you again if you stay. All his efforts healed your heart and it hurts so much because you will still leave. You were meant to stay broken hearted. Leaving would have been so easy this way. Now it hurts like a bitch. But you can’t sway. You have to leave this place. It will chew up what little is left of you until you truly cease to exist.

V comes to your place the next day. He rings your doorbell. It wakes you from the uncomfortable sofa you fell asleep on last night. You groan as you sit up and you barely want to open your eyes as you stumble to the door.

You open it without checking the camera first.

“Took you long en- you?”

Jungkook, the young officer, greets you with a smile.

“I swear I’m not stalking you.”

You have a headache today, so it is difficult not to snap at him. He is also not the person you wanted in front of your door today.

“I’m starting to doubt that.”

He laughs, “it’s not that. I talked to my boss. Your friend, the boss of the other boss. Sorry, anyways. I need you to come to the precinct with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Okay so, this is actually so cool and I shouldn’t even be telling you this, but you’re my boss’ friend so I guess it’s okay”, he begins with sparkling eyes, “turns out that the package thief is actually a serial thief and you aren’t the first one he stole from. Isn’t that cool? It’s like in those movies. Those cool cop movies.”

“Really? He stole from more people?” You highly doubt that.

“Yeah”, he laughs as he answers you, nodding his head excitedly, “now we’re calling in everyone who he stole from so we can take their statements. My boss says that we can’t keep the thief locked up for long otherwise.”

You know that this wasn’t really how the law works. After all, you were once a lawyer who was fucking good at her job. Is Yoongi trying to drag you back to him? First he tries to change your mind by killing your bullies and now he is trying to do the final blow by abusing his power as police chief? You check the time. Couldn’t the young officer have come later? You could have had your passport already and be far, far away from this place.

“Can I just give it to you here?” you ask him.

“Mhm”, he tilts his head to the side, “no, I don’t think that it works like this. I’m sorry, Miss. The captain said that it’s important that all the victims come into the precinct.”

You have to give Yoongi that. He is real clever about it. That means however that you can’t escape this situation. Any more resistance from you would make you suspicious.

You give up with a sigh. “Can I just change into something different?”

“Of course, Miss.”

The young officer lets you sit in the passenger seat. He is so new at all of this. With such naivety he tells you his entire life story. That he was from the countryside and that his dream has always been to be a policeman in the city. That he studied hard for years and that he completed his enlistment with honour just so he could be a proper officer. He sounds so proud of himself that each second with him makes you hate his presence more and more. He is so fucking stupid and it angers you. Why would he throw away his life like that? Why someone like him?

You are led to one of the precinct’s interrogation rooms and are told to wait there. The table is decked with different foods.

“What’s all that?” you ask Jungkook.

“Breakfast, Miss.”

“Did your captain tell you to do that?”

“He said that wanted to make sure you get your breakfast because we called you in so early. The captain really cares for the citizens.”

You stifle a scoff. Sure he does.

“Mhm, I see.”

“Either way, it won’t take long”, the young officer bids his goodbyes and leaves you in the interrogation room.

His words were a lie. You wait and wait and wait, but nothing happens. There are no clocks in this godforsaken room, but you still know that it has to be hours. You didn’t want to eat the breakfast at first, glaring at the two-way mirror because in your mind, Yoongi was behind it, watching you and making sure that you ate. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction at first, but had to in the end. The body begins working against one’s will when it is starving and the breakfast looked way too good. You eat all of it, then glare at the mirror again. You are still left alone and more time passes. It is as if they are trying to wear you down, as if you were the criminal in this situation. Granted, you are a criminal, but only Yoongi knows that and right now you are a poor civilian having done nothing wrong. You know that it’s Yoongi’s doing. That he somehow wants to terrorise you.

So when the door finally opens and he walks into the room, you almost throw the empty bowl at his head.

“Forgive the wait, Miss but something came up”, he says nonchalantly, flicking through some papers.

His second in command Kim Namjoon and the young officer Jeon Jungkook are behind him, which is why he is putting up this act. You grind your teeth.

“I already started to wonder if I’m in danger here”, you say way too sweetly.

“That depends on how you are going to answer our questions”, he says and sits down on the chair in front of you.

Jungkook stays by the door while Kim Namjoon stands a little to your side.

You look around yourself. He is trying to intimidate you.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I thought that I’m here to give my statement because of my stolen packages.”

Yoongi glances up from the papers. This is the first time your eyes meet after your fight and he killed your bullies. If only the others in this room would know how much blood he has on his hands and to which length he is willing to go to protect you. There were times where you would have dragged him over the table and kissed him senseless, but not anymore. You are stronger than your urges, even if it hurts your heart. You can’t give in again. If you do, he will take you for granted again. You won’t be happy with him. You finally have to fucking understand that.

“You’re right. You are here because of that”, he says dryly.

“Good. It started on May sixteen. I came home at around seven ten and noticed that my packages were missing. Two were stolen back then, but in total he stole eight packages”, you say and proceed to tell him the exact dates with the time as well as what was stolen.  

“You seem to know how such hearings work”, he says after he wrote down what you said.

“I had a few hours to practice what I was going to say”, you say with a poisonous smile.

One Yoongi retorts with just as much poison and a deep hum.

“Apologies again.”

“Don’t worry, I know how hard the police works at keeping this honourable city safe.”

He tongues his cheek. You give him a victorious smirk. This cut. Good. He takes a deep breath and releases it through his nose, reaching into his suit pocket to pull out a cigarette. He gets as far as to put it to his lips and then Kim Namjoon already speaks up.

“Captain. Smoking is prohibited in this building.”

“Fuck”, Yoongi presses out and takes the cigarette between two fingers to tap it against the table instead.

“Smoking is bad for you either way”, you say.

He tongues his cheek again. You know that he wants to curse at you right now, but can’t. He has to put up a friendly act.

“I know, can’t shake the habit”, he says and studies your face, “so what now?”

“Sir?” Kim Namjoon is rightfully confused. Yoongi slipped up.

“I don’t know, I was never in such a place before. Do you still need to take my information?” you act oblivious.

“We already have everything.”

“Great. Then I can go?” you ask, fluttering your lashes innocently.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Sir?” “What? Why?”

Yoongi shifts in his chair until he manspreads like an idiot. He crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“What are you going to do now?” he asks you.

“Uhm…is this still part of my hearing?” you ask, glancing at Kim Namjoon.

“No of course not, Miss. Please, follow me.”

“Sit. Down.”

The room is silent for a moment. You glare at Yoongi while Namjoon and Jungkook gawk in complete confusion. Their captain acts out of character. There is no reason to keep the innocent lady here any longer. This isn’t like him at all. He has been fidgeting all day, barely drank his coffee, went for far too many smoke breaks and now this. The officers have no explanation for their captain’s sudden behaviour.

“What is the reason for this?” you ask him.

“Just safety precautions. We wouldn’t want our honest citizen to get into danger”, he says coldly, “now answer my question. What are your plans now, Miss?”

“I will go home.”

“Where is that home?”

“Sir, I don’t know if that is necessary.”

“Shut up, Kim.”

Namjoon gulps, exchanging a confused look with Jeon Jungkook. This is really not like their captain.

Yoongi straightens up and leans forward so he is closer to you.

“Where is that home, Miss?”

You lower your eyes in anger.

“I don’t know yet, I’m planning to leave this city.”

“What?” his voice shook as he spoke. His fingers close and break the cigarette that way. His eyes almost bore holes into yours from how deeply he stares into them.

“This city’s become too depressing for me. I plan on leaving it for good.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. There is nothing holding me here anymore.”

“Yes, there is.”

“No, there really isn’t. I will leave.”

Bang!

You flinched back. Namjoon and Jungkook tense up as well.

Yoongi slammed his hand on the table, jumping to his feet.

“No the fuck you won’t!” he yells.

“Sir? What are you doing?!”

“Excuse me? It’s my right as an honest citizen to move”, you act oblivious as well.

“Keep her here”, he talks to Jungkook, pointing at him, “lock her up and keep her here.”

“Under what pretence, Sir?” the young officer asks with widened eyes.

“I, I, I don’t know. Refusal to, to, to cooperate or some shit like that”, Yoongi never stutters and he never paces, but he is currently doing both of those things.

“Sir…is…this legal?” Jungkook asks shyly.

Yoongi is by Jungkook’s side within a few steps, grabbing him by the collar.

“Do as you are told, Jeon! Unless you want to lose this job!” Yoongi growls, making Jungkook whimper with fear.

“Captain Min, you are stepping out of place”, Kim Namjoon speaks up, dragging him away from Jungkook, “and get off this poor officer’s neck. He is just doing his job.”

Yoongi whips around, now targeting his anger at Namjoon.

“If he was doing his fucking job, he would lock her up”, he hisses, pointing at you.

“I need you to step out for a moment, Captain”, Namjoon says and gestures Jungkook to open the door. The young officer obeys, holding it open as Namjoon shoves a protesting Yoongi out of the room. He closes the door again, muting the vivid fighting Yoongi was doing with Namjoon outside.

He meets your eyes, smiling awkwardly.

“Please forgive the Captain, Miss. He is very concerned about his citizens’ safety.” He is a terrible liar, but you don’t blame him. If you were in his situation, you would have no idea how to explain such a situation to a supposed innocent citizen either.

“Don’t worry. I, I’m just wondering if maybe I can finally leave? I’m sorry, this just really scared me and I just want to lie down at home now”, you act shaken up, looking at the young officer with pleading eyes. 

“Of course, Miss. Our honest apologies again, Miss. Please follow me”, he says and leads you out of the room.

Yoongi and Namjoon are still arguing, but stop when they see you come out. You lock eyes with Yoongi for the briefest of moments. 

He closes the distance and grabs your wrist, dragging you with him with such vigour that nobody truly gets time to act. Not even you know what was happening to you until you find yourself in his office with the door slammed shut. 

“What are you doing?” you gasp.

“Shut the fuck up, you’re not the one asking this question right now!”

“Yoongi, lower your voice. This isn’t the place for screams.”

He steps closer to you, pointing at your face in warning.

“I have every fucking right to scream right now and you know that”, he presses out through gritted teeth.

“Why? Because I finally don’t need you anymore?”

“You can’t move. What the fuck are you thinking?”

“I’m-”

‘I'm not done”, he interrupts you, “I killed them for you. I did it. Just for you. Because your safety matters to me. I care.” He hits his own chest. “I showed you that I care and you’re gonna leave?”

You hate that you love him, but not for the usual reasons. You hate it because it hurts. You are going to leave despite not wanting to. You love him, perhaps you always will but you are also going to leave. 

You nod your head.

Yoongi exhales shakily, taking a stumbling step back. He stares at you as if you were the ghost whose haunting hurts him the most. He huffs out air, rubs his hand over his mouth, then runs it through his hair and down the side of his neck.

“I’ll kill the thief”, he says in the end.

“What?” 

“I'll make it seem like suicide. He’ll look like a pisser who couldn’t take prison and killed himself.”

“Are you out of your mind? He’s just a thief.”

“Well, what more do you need?!” he screams

“Nothing! I don’t need anything from you!”

“Why not? I can give you whatever you want!”

“Look at you. Now that you finally realised, I’m actually serious about the breakup, you wanna act like you care.”

“I care”, his voice broke, but you are both too angry to acknowledge it, “i-i-if I knew that you- I just-” He breathes in, breathes out, rubs his mouth, then his neck. “It can’t end like this. It can’t.”

“It can. I’m done begging you for everything.”

Yoongi steps closer.

“I can-”

“Sir? What is the meaning of this?” 

Kim Namjoon and Jeon Jungkook are in the office. The rest of the precinct gawks at you and Yoongi through the doorway. The latter lifts his hands and steps back. His fingers are shaking. 

“The captain just voiced his worries for my move. Don’t worry about it, Kim Sir”, you lie and turn to leave, “may I finally leave?”

Namjoon tells Jungkook to handle it with a nod of his head. The young officer points at the open door.

“Please after you, Miss.”

Yoongi says your name. 

You look at him over your shoulder, despite knowing you shouldn’t. He takes a step closer, lifting his brows in pleading. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. You ball your hands to fists and turn your back to him.

Yoongi tries your name again, hoping for another look. One which doesn’t come. 

“Come back”, he tries, but gets stopped by Namjoon.

You can hear them talk as you leave.

“What the fuck’s your issue, man? You’ve been weird all day and now you’re screaming at citizens?”

“Watch your tone.”

“Hyung, I’m not here as your colleague right now. I’m here as your friend.”

“She’s gonna leave, she can’t…”

Jungkook leads you away from the office before you can hear Yoongi’s full answer. 

“Are you crying, Miss??”

“Hm? Oh that, don’t mind them. It’s just…” Your heart is broken and you want to run back to Yoongi. “...forgive me, I’m just a little shaken from everything.”

“I’m sorry, Miss. The captain isn’t normally like this.”

“It’s alright. I know how Yoongi can be sometimes.”

“Yoongi?” Jungkook asks, glancing at the captain’s office. He wonders what kind of friends you and he are. Maybe Those kind of friends? Is that why you are important to the captain? 

“I mean…sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I just wish to go home now.”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Oh god, I don’t even have money for a bus ticket with me”, you murmur to yourself, looking for your wallet. This is all a scheme to get Jungkook to drive you home again. You are worried that if he didn’t, Yoongi would somehow get to you before you could reach the station.

“Don’t worry about it, Miss. As a policeman, it is my duty to make sure that you get home safely.”

“Really? I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

“Of course, Miss.”

And so he takes you home and you hate yourself because of it. So it began. You were the first person who used his kindness to her advantage. You were the drop beginning the inevitable filling of the tank until one day it will swap over. And once that happens, it is almost impossible to stop the leak. Fuck, you are just as terrible as everyone else in this city.

But the young officer is oblivious to what you just did, driving you home with a kind smile on his face. He even walks you to your door and stays as you unlock it. Your neighbours are fucking again. He glances at their door, then awkwardly at you.

“Yeah, I’ve got new neighbours. You can’t go over there and flash your badge and tell them to shut up, can you?”

“Of course I can, Miss. Just one mom-”

“No stop, I was joking”, you stop him, studying him with exhausted eyes. You are so sorry. You are so fucking sorry.

“Ah, okay. Please forgive me, I always take everything way too seriously”, he says, scratching his own neck shyly. He furrows his brows. “What’s the matter, Miss?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Run.”

“What?”

“Run back to your hometown. Run and never look back.”

“Excuse me?” he laughs in confusion, furrowing his brows harder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon Jungkook. This city will fucking ruin you.”

“I…uh…” He laughs nervously. “I don’t seem to follow, Miss. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to get it, just listen to me. Please.”

“O…kay? I uhm…”

“Thank you for driving me home. I’ll think of you sometimes in my new home.”

“Miss, are you okay?”

“I am. You don’t need to worry about me anymore. Just promise me to run.”

“I promise?”

“Good. Be happy, Jeon Jungkook.”

“Miss, I-”

You close the door on him and lock it. You don’t expect him to knock or ring the bell. He is too proper to annoy you this way. You check the camera. He stares at the closed door for a few moments longer, looking confused. He lifts his hand to knock, hesitates and turns his back to the door instead, leaving down the steps to drive off. You know that you confused him, but you had to. Please let it be enough to save him.

V arrives later that day. He is stressed and clearly in a hurry.

“What’s wrong? You look like you need to be somewhere or like you need to shit. Do you need to shit?”

“What? No”, he sounds out of breath as well as annoyed, “I’m risking my ass being here. I’ve got your stuff. It’s the only thing except mine that I managed to save. Give me the money, quick.”

“Save?” you probe, giving him the money.

He stuffs it into his boxers hastily, looking over his shoulder again.

“My place got raided by cops. I was at the market getting food, then came back to five cop cars in front of my place. I barely escaped. If I didn’t always carry my stuff with me, I’d have been fucked.”

“What?!”

“Sorry, Hyacinth. Gotta leave the city for a while. I wish you all the best.”

“V, what the fuck?”

“Here’s to never seeing each other again, aye?” he jokes, laughing nervously. It’s a good thing he said. Never seeing each other again meant that you and he managed to escape safely.

“Wait. Where will you go?”

“I can’t tell you. You know I can’t.”

“Yeah, just…be careful.”

“You too.”

He leaves and you know that he will be successful. If there is one person who won’t ever be found it is V. 

You are in a trance for the rest of the day. Yoongi raided V’s place. He went as far as to betray his own people just to make sure that you wouldn’t leave. Carrying your new passport feels like a trophy, as much as it feels like a curse. Leaving this city won’t be as easy anymore now that he knows. You are so fucking stupid for telling him, but you didn’t want to miss out on his reaction when he found out. The small moment of satisfaction seems skippable now that you know how far he is willing to go to keep you close. And because V came as late as he did, your means of escape don’t drive anymore either. You have to wait for the earliest bus if you wanted to or not. Fuck, you did this to yourself. You stupid fucking woman. Look at you. You have this big, honourable degree and still manage to get yourself into shitty situations over and over again.

You go to sleep with a gun under your pillow. You won’t risk anything.

You don’t get a lot of sleep and then a noise wakes you. You heard it as clear as day. Someone unlocked your front door. He sent men to get you. Now he’s gone too far. You jump out of bed and grab your loaded gun, tiptoeing to a spot from where you could observe the apartment. You have to be strategic about it. First count the men, then calculate the fastest way to shoot them, then act. The door closes and locks again. Clever bastards, they want to make sure that you don’t flee. Oh, you are going to have a blast killing them. One last little thing to leave Yoongi before you abandon him.

The automatic lights turn on. Got you, assholes.

The first enters your vision.

“Hm?”

Yoongi. Clearly drunk, he is dragging his feet over the floor, using the wall as support. No one else follows him. So he came here alone. 

Overtaken by anger, you jump out of hiding and at him.

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes. 

“I can’t believe you’re still hiding your keys under the flower pot. Don’t make me so worried, anyone could enter.”

“I’m gonna count to three and if you haven’t disappeared by then, I’ll shoot.”

“Can we talk?”

“One.”

“I know I fucked up. I can’t stop thinking about you. Please, can we try again?”

“Two.”

“I promise I changed. You were right, I was a joke. But I wanna do better now.”

“Three.” “I’m sorry!”

Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut. His death never comes. He peels his eyes open again.

You are staring, panting heavily. Tears are in your eyes.

“I’m sorry”, he whispers.

This is the first time he is the one to say these words first. It feels so good, but you can’t give in again. You made up your mind to leave…didn’t you? You study the state of him. He is heavily intoxicated. He looks the way and reeks of it.

“You’re drunk.” 

He nods his head, furrowing his brows. He touches your elbows, caressing them softly. Such touch you only get when he is drunk.

“I drank because of you. What you said today. I just…don’t move away, please”, he begs, eyes filling with tears.

“So now you care? I wasn’t important to you when I was with you and now that I’m leaving, I’m suddenly important?”

“You’ve always been important.”

“No, I haven’t. You took me for granted.”

“I did and I’m sorry. I never should have taken you for granted. I’ll do better now, please just give me a chance to prove it to you.”

“If I give you a chance again, you’ll just abuse it and hurt me.”

“No, I won’t. Please, I just.” He cups your face, running his thumbs under your eyes as gently as possible. “We were right once. We were so good together. We were a team and, and we had dreams and we made each other happy. I want this back, I wanna try to get this back again please.”

“I just want to be happy, Yoongi”, you press out.

“I’ll make you happy, baby. Please, I-I’ll make you happy again.”

“No, you’re drunk and talking fucking shit.”

“I’ll leave this city if you want me to.”

You falter. He would give up what he built just for you?

“You wouldn’t do that.”

“I would. For you I would. I’d set this whole city on fire and leave with you as it burns to fucking ashes behind us, please.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Please”, he whispers and drops his forehead against yours, “please, I want to make you happy again.”

You hate that you love him. You hate that he made you addicted to him. This is so awfully him. He gives you enough affection that you get addicted to it then takes it away again. And once he feeds it to you again, you drink it up like an alcoholic. It is always the same. 

“No, you won’t. You’re drunk.”

“Please.”

“Leave my place.”

He presses himself off the wall and grabs the nuzzle of the gun, guiding it right between his brows.

“You have to kill me if you want me gone.”

You gulp. He forces your finger to the trigger. Your airways close up.

“Kill me. Fucking kill me. I can’t live without you anyways.”

You could end it. You’ve got everything. Your suitcases, your papers, the keys of his car he drunkenly drove like an asshole. You’ve got everything you need to escape this place. You could end it, finally make sure that you have no temptation to return. You could end him and your addiction with it. He’s got your finger on the trigger, it needs just one flex and it would be over. But you never wanted him dead. No matter how much you wished for him to be gone, you never wanted him dead. Because in some fucked up way, all you really wanted was for him to put more effort into you.

“No”, you whimper, shaking your head. 

He rips the gun from your fingers and drops it on your dresser. 

“I don’t want to kill you”, you press out, sobbing softly. 

He cradles your face, wiping your tears. 

“I know”, he gets out, nodding his head, “I know you don’t, princess. I know.”

“Yoongi”, you squeak out, twisting his shirt. 

“I’m here, princess. I’m here.”

He pulls you closer until his kiss is just one breath away, feeding on the shaky breath you let ghost against his lips. His drunken eyes gaze at your mouth, his heart is racing in his chest.

“Push me away”, he tells you.

“I hate you.”

“And I love you.”

“Yoongi”, you whimper, finally touching his chest instead of his shirt. 

He moans and pulls you into a kiss. A deep, hungry kiss. 

You pull at his hair to get him off of you as much as you pull him closer, fighting for air. You hate that you love…do you really? Do you really fucking hate it? Do you really hate it when his kiss makes you feel alive again? You spent months feeling out of breath and now it’s gone. You can breathe again. At least metaphorically, physically he’s got you very close to passing out. You push at him to get distance. Air. He lets you breathe, but not escape. He pushes you to your sofa until your legs collide with the back of it. Your shaky breaths intermingle, your shared moans follow. His right hand slides to your ass, his knee lifts to your middle. 

You gasp, grinding down on him. You can’t protest because he kisses you so deeply it feels as if he wanted to consume your soul. He kisses and gropes, kisses and gropes until air is sparse. He gasps.

“Fuck. Fuck, I’m fucked”, he gets out and pulls your head back so he could drag his tongue up your throat. 

It should disgust you, but it doesn’t. You moan, running your nails down his chest and arching your back. He lifts his head, looking at you with drunken, crazed obsession. His fingers just can’t stay still on your body. It is as if he wanted to touch everywhere at all times. The attention makes you short of breath.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.”

You touch his cheek. He leans into your palm, closing his eyes when you trace his scar. You were with him when he got it. It was during a fight. He fought with his fists, his opponent chose the cowardly way and pulled a knife on him. He was lucky that he didn’t lose his eyesight. He hated it at first, but you made him feel handsome. You always looked out for him that way.

“Do you…do you think I’m handsome?” he asks. Such questions you only get when he’s drunk. 

“I do.”

His breath trembles as it leaves him. He drops his hand from your hips to take out his cock. He touches himself, gazing at you as if he needed the view of you to stay hard. And he does. He needs you. You are the only person who can turn him on.

You look at what his hand is doing, gulping heavily. He sighs, gazing at your face. You are as mesmerised by him as you were when everything was still good between you and him. His cock still has the same effect on you.

“Princess?” he tilts your head back up to meet your eyes, using only two fingers under your chin for it. 

You meet his eyes, heart racing unbearably.

“Yes?” One little lift of his brows and you give him the answer he craved. 

You part your legs, tilting your hips closer to him. You nod your head vigorously, gazing at his cock again.

He doesn’t bother to pull his pants down all the way, neither does he care about taking off your panties. He pushes them to the side and stuffs you full of him, gripping the edge of the couch and your right thigh as deep moans leave him. Your right leg is lifted like this, supported by him.

You gasp, tensing up. Your toes curl instantly, your fingers clutch his lower arms. His cock stretches you out and stuffs your walls. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is definitely intense. You gasp again, looking at him with widened eyes.

“I know baby, I know”, he breathes and bottoms out. “It’s been too long. Fuck.” 

He moves, chasing your warmth in drunk, sloppy thrusts. You writhe and gasp repeatedly, scratching the back of his neck. You want to hate that you love him. He should feel like an intruder. You should want to kick and scream for help. But you don’t want to. You feel whole again. No preparation, but he doesn’t hurt. His kiss and touch was enough. Your addiction to him runs so deep that his cock is pure heroin to you.

“Yoongi”, you get out, grabbing his throat. Your thumbs are on his Adam’s apple, threatening to press down.

He smiles, “I love you”, he gasps out and drops his head against yours. His long hair tickles your face, his drunken breath swirls over your skin. He gulps and moans under your fingers, pumping into you with no signs of slowing down. You start losing strength in your calf, standing like this is exhausting, but if you were being honest, you don’t want it to stop. 

“I hate you.”

“Fucking kill me then”, he rasps.

You close your fingers slightly.

“Harder. This isn’t gonna do it.”

“You first.”

“Fuck, baby”, he gets out and lifts you so he could round the sofa with you. He pins you down into the pillows, ripping the panties off of you and kicking his pants off. He pushes into you before you can truly realise what was happening, feeding you all of him until he can’t give any more. He twists the pillow next to your head as he takes on a punishing rhythm. His dark hair hangs into his face, his teeth are bared as he huffs like an angry animal.

“Yoon-”

“I know, baby I know. You already told me, baby. I know”, he whispers, wiping your cheek, “take me, I know you can. You’re my baby, you’re made for me.”

His praise is like medicine to you. This is all you needed. To know that he is still obsessed with you and that you still affect him. 

You close your legs around his hips, keeping him with you this way. You need him to always stay like this. He moans your name, slipping his fingers from your cheek to hold the pillow instead. You told him that you hated him, but your body betrays you. Your eyes betray you. You keep him close, gaze at him as if he was your everything. Yoongi’s head is turning. Not only from the alcohol, but also from being with you again. And from knowing that you still loved him.

Because he loves you so much. He hates himself for taking you for granted. He never should have. You are his everything. The fucking reason why he does all of this. The last three months were torture for him. He started smoking again, drank too much, slept too little, worked too many hours. And if he didn't distract himself with work, he tried thinking up ways of showing you that he was still there for you. He ordered his officers to look out for you, sent food deliveries to your place, parked in front of your place somewhere hidden to watch you smoke on the staircase. He also followed you sometimes after you confessed to him that some of his goons were terrorising you. And each time he followed you, he wished for you to notice him just so he could get a chance at talking to you again. But you never did and Yoongi thought that you will come back again soon. Then you told him that you would move and Yoongi finally broke. He was truly losing you. Three months of hell, of lonely nights and heartbreak and he was truly losing you. 

“I missed you”, he gets out, painting his name against your favourite spots. The eagerness with which you clasp him results in your hips to lift off the pillow, allowing your clit to grind against him each time he bottoms out. The necklaces he is wearing are tangling over your face. They were too long once, but Yoongi cut them to the perfect length so they wouldn't hit your face when you are underneath him. That was six months ago. During a time you thought he didn’t care anymore. You feel so stupid now. His way of showing you that he cared was always there. He was always looking out for you. You were just too blind to see. 

You gasp and whimper, mewl and keen, looking up at him with teary eyes and your fingers closing around nothing. You can’t tell him that you missed him too because you are too overwhelmed. 

“Did you miss me too?” but Yoongi is drunk tonight and when he is drunk he is needy for your affection. 

You nod your head. 

“Say it.”

“I missed you”, you get out, following it up with a sob. 

“Baby, I love you”, he croaks, wiping your tears before dropping his forehead against yours, “I love you, baby, I love you. Don’t leave me again, please.”

“You’re so drunk.”

“Yeah, drunk ‘cause of you. Thought I’ll lose you. Baby, I can’t lose you”, he croaks and shows you his honesty with passionate rolls of his hips. Somehow he goes even deeper than before, he hits your favourite spots even better. 

You arch your back and scream his name, throwing your head back as best as possible. This is electric. Holy shit, he makes you feel good. Your face scrunches up against your will, your feet shake on his back. 

Yoongi admires you with a pounding head and racing heart, repeating what he did before over and over and over again. You react in mewls and moans and screams and he can’t get enough of it. He wants for you to lose your fucking voice because you couldn’t stop screaming for him. Because if you sound like this for him, he makes you happy. It has been too long since you actually screamed this way, so Yoongi is especially affected by tonight.

He laces his fingers with yours – again, he is drunk – and squeezes them needily. He thinks that he is crying too. He watches pearls of something drip onto your face sometimes. His eyes also burn. He doesn’t want it to stop. He is willing to carry his emotions on his sleeve if it meant you were happy again.

“Is this what you needed? Does this finally make you fucking happy?” he gets out, chasing the ecstasy as much as he helps you with your own pleasure trip.

You squeeze his hands back, making him moan your name.

“Ye-yes.”

“Argh”, he growls, trying so much harder to fuck you right. It feels so good. He has to tell you. He stayed silent way too often in the past. You want his efforts and he wants to give them to you. “You feel so good.”

The first confession was hard because he isn’t used to sharing his feelings. It was hard, but it was also ecstatic because your sounds of pleasure became louder and you tightened around him, squeezing his hands happily. 

“You feel so good. You feel so fucking good. You feel so good, princess. You feel…so good”, he can’t stop now that he started, telling you over and over and over again how you make him feel. Good. So good. He feels so good when he is with you. “You are so good. Princess, fuck. I have to..I, I have to- ah!” 

You open your eyes in time with Yoongi collapsing on top of you. He whimpers into the crook of your neck, shaking almost pathetically.

There are two things you always believed to be true about Yoongi. First: When he fucks, his moans are always deep, raspy and growly. Second: He has perfect control over his orgasms. 

Both of these things are getting proven wrong to you right here and now as he whimpers and shakes and paints your walls with his unexpected orgasm. You want to blame the alcohol on it and maybe the months of abstinence, perhaps even the fear of losing you paired with the relief of having you again. Holy fuck, he actually loves you doesn’t he?

“I love you”,  he sobs, hugging you close. 

“Yoongi ah”, he breaks you with his confession and the tenderness with which he holds you. You swear that you can taste colours for a moment. You haven’t felt honestly good in your own skin in months. This right here is what feeling good is. This is it. 

You don’t know who comes down first. You think it is Yoongi, but even if he does, he doesn’t pull out. He lets you shake and throb and clench around him until your moment of peak pleasure is over as well. He holds you silently afterwards, catching his breath in the crook of your neck. He missed your scent like nothing else. Truly, it leaves him so drugged out that he actually finds himself drooling as he smiles like a giddy boy. 

You calm down with his weight atop your chest, his length still inside you and his hair between your fingers. It is still a little stiff and crusty from the variety of hair products he keeps in it during his day job. To think that mere hours ago, you were screaming at each other in his office. It feels so far away to you now. Like a memory of an unbelievable life.

You don’t hate that you love him. You really don’t. 

“How.” He clears his throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“Are you sore? Does anything hurt?”

“No, but I’m leaking.”

“Fuck”, he laughs into your shoulder, nibbling on it gently, “sorry, I just…am drunk and missed you.”

“You were pathetic doing that.”

He laughs harder. You and he have a peculiar sense of humour. He knows that you meant it fondly. You laugh as well. He lifts his head at the sound of it, cupping your cheek. 

“If it means you’re laughing, I can live with being pathetic.”

Your heart flutters.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Booze. Way too much booze.”

You laugh again. His eyes soften, he caresses your face. 

“Definitely too much booze, yeah”, you agree.

“Mhm, fuck.” He cuddles into your shoulder again. “I’m sleeping here.”

“And you think I’d let you?”

He nods his head.

“Fuck, you’re the worst.”

“Am I wrong?”

“No, you’re not.”

You wake up alone the next morning. It hurts. So nothing changed. He got what he wanted, made you addicted again only to leave. Like he always did. And you are left feeling dirty and used and fucking awful. 

You probably would have stayed in bed to cry the entire day if a very worrying noise hadn’t come from outside your door. Someone’s in your kitchen. You roll out of bed and leave the room. You don’t need weapons today. You are angry enough that you will probably be able to beat whoever is dumb enough to break in. 

You cross the corner and stop, lowering your fists.

Yoongi. 

He took a shower and tied all of his wet hair into a messy bun. He is shirtless, wearing a towel around his hips. Music is playing from his phone while on the stove, breakfast is sizzling. 

“You?”

He turns at the sound of your voice, face lighting up instantly. 

“Good morning, beautiful”, he says, closing the distance to take you into a hug. “Did you sleep well?”

You don’t answer him, you push at his chest so you could look at him. You can’t believe that he is still here and that he is making you breakfast.

“What’s the matter?” he asks. 

“Why the fuck are you still here?”

He furrows his brows, “why not?”

“I, I don’t know. I just, just. I thought that…huh? You didn’t leave?”

He frowns in regret for a moment, before leaning in to kiss your cheek. He gives your left buttock an almost playful squeeze afterwards, stepping back to return to the cooking.

“I’m making your favourite. I also cleaned. Your place was a shithole, honestly.”

Still flabbergasted beyond relief, you look around your small apartment. He didn’t just clean up the garbage and tidy, he fully wiped the place down. You check the clock next. It’s way past one at noon. You slept for more than twelve hours. Damn. You never even realised how much sleep these last three months took from you until you finally fell asleep in his arms again and actually stayed asleep. You feel refreshed and not uncomfortable in your own skin. 

Last, you look at Yoongi. He is humming to the music, switching between stirring the eggs in the pan and chopping up some pork belly. 

At first you don’t want to accept that this is actually happening to you, but then the desire to be close to him gets too grande to bear. You almost run to him, colliding with his back in a passionate hug. 

He stumbles and grunts, following it up with a fond chuckle and his big hands rubbing your lower arms. 

“Please don’t make me regret this again. Please.”

He turns in your arms, caressing your waist. He shakes his head, looking at you in ways he hasn’t looked at you in ages. As if he honestly loved you. 

“Can you promise me?”

“I promise you, baby”, he says in a soft voice and locks pinkies with you. 

The gesture is so cute and honest, that you have to stifle a giggle. Your heart hasn’t fluttered like this in ages.

“I have an idea. How about I’ll take next week off and we’re leaving this city for a while? Maybe the mountains? You’d like the air there”, he suggests. 

“Are you serious? Do you actually mean that?”

He nods his head. You and he began swaying to the music, looking at nothing else but the other. 

“But first I gotta sort out the mess I made when I busted V’s place”, he says.

“Yeah true.” You slap his chest. “Fuck you for that. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, I know. I acted irrationally, I admit. But I’m gonna fix this. You know how easily I can make stuff disappear. He’ll be able to return again in a week or so.”

“I hope you’ll fix this, you idiot you.”

“Mhm, I will and then I’m taking you on a long vacation”, he says, kissing your forehead before hugging you against his chest.

You close your eyes, melting into his chest. 

“And when we’re there, I’m gonna make you breakfast and make you cum and make you smile. Yeah?” he whispers.

“Yeah”, you snicker.

He smells like your shower gel today, but you don’t mind. He hasn’t shown such an actual desire to change in months and it feels so good to receive. You love that you love him. You really do. 

“I love you, Yoongi”, you whisper, feeling him squeeze you for just a moment as your confession overwhelms him. 

“I love you too, princess”, he tells you and he is sober for it because he swore to himself that he won’t need alcohol anymore to be able to show you his affection. 

He is willing to better himself, he truly is and a week later, you and he are in his car on your way to a long vacation in the mountains.

this christmas | myg

part of the happy ho-lidays collab with @floralseokjin​ @sugaurora​ @underthejoon​ @winetae​ @btssavedmylifeblr​ and @kpopfanfictrash​!

summary⇢ it’s been a while since you’ve been home for the holidays, but this year, you finally plan on rectifying that. things are going well for you—great job, great friends, and a new boyfriend who you have a pretty great feeling about—and it seems everything in your life is finally slotting into place. but, of course, the past is a relentless specter and the universe always has a way of humbling you. in a ridiculous twist of fate, you soon find yourself stuck in a car with the very reason you have avoided coming back in the first place. pairing⇢ yoongi/reader word count⇢ 30.1k 🥴😭   rating⇢ 18+ genre⇢ smut | exes!au | road trip!au warnings⇢ angst, sexual content, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, fingering, men being assholes, an instance of underage drinking, lots of passive aggressiveness, jimin meaning well, yoongi having absurd amounts of patience and thus being very on brand, phewww does oc really go through it 😭 a/n⇢ *casually strolls in months late, sipping on eggnog* HELLO, FRIENDS 🥴 yeah, so. in true ashley fashion, this fic exploded and sprinted wayyyy past what i thought the word count would be, so now here we are 😭 😭 decking the halls in black history month LMAO! this was truly a labor of love because y’all know i don’t have the patience to write things like this in one go. but here we are!! we made it!!! 😮‍💨 🎶AND THIS CHRISTMASSSSS…WILL BEEEEEE 🎶 🎄❄️✨ of course, the title of this fic is from this holiday classic, but i would say the mood is more this. thank you for being so patient and i hope you enjoy! 😊

Keep reading

Love As Soft As a Distant Star

Author: vyduan Pairing: Min Yoongi | Reader, Min Yoongi | Park Jimin Genre: one shot, witch au, arranged marriage au, slow burn, friends to lovers, angst Word Count: ~23.6k Rating: Explicit Warnings: swearing, legal consumption of alcohol, light mentions of domestic abuse, explicit descriptions of masturbation, use of sex toy in masturbation/sex, m/f oral sex (female receiving), explicit descriptions of consensual m/f sex, woman on top, light mentions of consensual mxm sex, discussions of difficulty achieving female orgasm, sex is considered a part of their duties (but is all consensual) AO3

Summary: You didn’t mean to fall in love with your husband and fellow Witches’ Councilmember Yoongi, but here you are: in love. (How gauche and not the thing. You’re co-workers, not lovers.) It’s particularly inconvenient since he is in love with someone else.

Notes: Written for the BTS Fantasy and Fangs Halloween collab for @colormepurplex2. I hope you like it!! Happy Halloween!!

World inspired in part by melodiousb's "Trust in the Weather."

Special thanks to @hamsterclaw, @sugalaritae2, @thatlongspringnight, @minisugakoobies, @booboobutt, supertaster, lawyerjin, and superstars for your handholding, encouragement, and quite frankly, for listening to me complain and cry and whine and just throw a tantrum every five minutes because this fic was supposed to be about 5k and here we are at almost 5x that. (This is actually the second fic I had started for this fic exchange. I had shelved my original idea because it would have been too long. The irony is annoying.)

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Love As Soft As a Distant Star

You awaken to the smell of eggs and bacon. The soft morning light filters through your sunshine yellow curtains and you hear the birds and burbling fountain outside your open window. You allow your awareness to sink back into your body and stretch. You had slept restlessly in the night and there is a crick in your neck and a twinge in your shoulder.

There is a tap at your door and you mumble a blurry, “I’m up.”

Your husband, colleague, and fellow witch opens the door just a tiny bit and peeks in, his button nose and dark eyes glittering underneath the black wave of his fringe. It’s too early for you to see him full in the face so you pull the gray and green checkered duvet over your head.

“I made breakfast,” Yoongi says, his voice a pleasant low burr. “Come down before it gets cold, Y/N.”

“Mmmph,” you grumble in reply. “You could just spell it so that it doesn’t.”

You sound whiny even to your own ears. You don’t know why you’re so grumpy except a sudden memory of Yoongi and Jimin’s desperate panting and grunting traveling through the open windows last night reminds you.

Even now, the mere recall of their fucking leaves you burning and breathless. It doesn’t help that Yoongi had been so out of his mind with pleasure that his control over your psychic link had slipped and his orgasm had reverberated through you, leaving you wanting and weeping. If that had been merely an echo of Yoongi’s release, you can only imagine how mind-blowing it had been in reality.

You feel an ache behind your eyes.

“You know if I did that, you’d stay in bed all day,” Yoongi reasons. “Come on, Y/N. Jimin wants to see you before he leaves.”

Your gut twists and you choose to blame it on needing to relieve yourself. “Gimme a few minutes,” you say carefully.

Yoongi chuckles. “Alright,” he says and shuts the door.

You hear him pad down the wooden hallway and thunk down the stairs. His footfalls are surprisingly heavy for such a slight man (although you suppose he isn’t as lean as he used to be — years of physical and magical labor have filled him out nicely). You throw your covers off yourself and reluctantly swing your legs off the edge of the mattress and set your feet on the carpeted floor.

You shiver even though it’s still the beginning of autumn. The morning carries a slight chill, but you know it will burn off by mid-afternoon once the shadow cast by the forest is behind your cottage rather than over it.

You quickly grab the burnt orange sweater you were wearing last night from its resting place over your wooden desk chair. You head to the bathroom and get yourself both physically and mentally ready for the day. You wonder how long you can delay, but then you remember how Yoongi will have no qualms about dragging you downstairs by the ear.

You remember how much you also love Jimin, that it is neither Yoongi nor Jimin’s fault that you had been foolish enough to fall in love with your husband.

You are once again grateful that early in your marriage, you’d mutually agreed to keep the boundaries of your psychic link tightly wrapped around yourselves. It allowed you to maintain the privacy of your feelings (both emotional and sensational) and only in moments of extreme duress would they leak through to the other person.

The two of you are only married because that is part of the job description as Tranquil Valley’s witch representatives to the Witches’ Council. Every town or village’s witch representatives are married regardless of gender or sex. Such unions are perfunctory and pragmatic. Like all coworking relationships, some matches are lucky enough to eventually fall in love, but they are few and far between. More often than not, councilmembers just take on lovers or companions. It is a much simpler solution (and one which Yoongi has clearly availed himself).

Sometimes, marriages have to be dissolved due to irreconcilable differences between two parties. (And sometimes, sometimes, they have to be dissolved due to abuse. The Witches’ Council tries to keep these cases hushed lest humans and regular witches lose the respect they feel is their due.)

(Jimin was one such case though he never spoke of it. His husband had been removed from the council and their marriage sundered years ago, though Jimin had refused to keep his seat. He’d balked at the inhumane requirements for him to be re-bound to another person almost immediately after in order to retain his position as witch representative. The council had wanted to save face and Jimin had unceremoniously told them all to fuck themselves. You had not blamed him.)

“Y/N! Sometime this century!” Yoongi calls from below, effectively pulling you out of your reminiscing. You’d taken too long.

You dash down the wooden stairs and sheepishly slide into your small kitchen. Jimin is already seated in the nook, happily occupying the sunny spot. The sunlight reflects off his cotton candy pink hair and though your heart is sore, your eyes drink him in anyway. You marvel at the sly curves of his lips, the round of his cheeks, the mischievous glint in his eyes.

Jimin is so, so beautiful.

“Take a picture. It lasts longer,” Yoongi teases in his gravelly voice from the wooden kitchen counter as Jimin preens and bats his dark lashes at you. “It’s not like we’re living in the olden days.”

You feel your face heat at being caught, but you push through it. “Pictures can never fully capture our Jiminie’s beauty,” you say as you slide into your seat at the table opposite of Jimin. There is, after all, no point in denying what you were doing. Jimin knows you appreciate his appearance. So does Yoongi. He’s found you looking at Jimin often enough in the past. (Jimin is looking especially fine and soft this morning in a fluffy sky blue sweater that allows peeks of his collarbones.)

“Hmmm,” muses Yoongi, “just so.” He hands you a cup of coffee (no sugar, a splash of oat milk), chopsticks, and a plate of eggs over medium, bacon, kimchi, sourdough toast with ample butter and jam, and a peeled tangerine. Despite how long you took upstairs, the food is still warm (except for the tangerine) and your coffee is still hot.

You thank him and wonder if Yoongi has ever discovered you looking at him, and if he would tell you to take a picture. If he knows you appreciate his looks. If it causes Yoongi to preen. (He is in an oversized black hoodie and low slung pajama pants and looks delectable.)

You mentally shake yourself off this line of thinking. What does it matter if you find your husband attractive? The two of you have a duty — and you do it.

You consummate your marriage during every harvest moon to honor the moon and as thanks for a bountiful year. You consummate your marriage on the winter solstice as prayer for the grounds that lay fallow and the grounds planted with winter crops. You consummate your marriage on the vernal equinox to symbolize the literal sowing of fields. You consummate your marriage on the summer solstice to honor the sun and its life-giving force.

You do your duty. You never shirk it (though you are not quite sure you ever enjoy it either).

(You tamp down the disappointment that Yoongi always enjoys it enough. You remind yourself that releasing his seed, too, is part of his duty.)

You wonder if Yoongi loves Jimin because consummation with him has nothing to do with duty and everything to do with pleasure. You wonder why you do not seek out the same for yourself, except the thought of consummation with someone you do not know down to the depth of your bones is repellant. That and it rarely ends in climax for you anyway so why bother?

You decide for the countless time this morning to divert your thinking. “You wanted to see me, Jimin?”

Jimin beams a smile at you, his crooked front tooth charming you as always. “Jungkook has been asking after you, Y/N,” he says.

Your stomach churns. Jungkook is pleasant enough, but his energy is too bold for you. He feels like a puppy and it makes you tired to be around him. “Oh?” you reply.

You can tell Jimin draws the incorrect conclusion from your muted response when his face morphs into delighted calculation. “Yes,” he says. You can practically see the glee vibrating off his compact form. “He was wondering if you were going to attend Namjoon’s councilmember ascension event next month.”

You grimaced. You had known Namjoon when you were both young witches and though you had ascended to your position with Yoongi at Tranquil Valley more than a decade ago, no township or village had ever fit Namjoon quite right. Though most of the witch population chooses to settle somewhere and become part of that community by marrying as humans did and starting families, he had become a traveling witch (much as Jimin was) and wandered from territory to territory, apprenticing himself to many different talented witches until he chose to move on again.

Jimin is friends with him through his wanderings so you know more than you care to about Namjoon and his eclectic tastes and penchant for absorbing as much magical lore as possible. You secretly contend that Namjoon is petty and tedious (though competent enough), and that’s why he is constantly passed over. Perhaps he’s finally found a place as tiresome as he is.

“I had no intention of doing so,” you say harsher than you had intended, “Yoongi already agreed to go. The event doesn’t require both of us to be there.”

Yoongi shoots you a puzzled look because you hadn’t yet told him of your intentions to stay home, but you ignore him. When Jimin quirks his head at Yoongi, your husband merely shrugs so slightly that you almost miss it were it not for the fact that you are always aware of him when in his presence. It was not always so, but ten plus years working and living with a person will do it to even the most self-absorbed (and you are not self-absorbed — or at least, no more than the average person).

But as much as Yoongi knows how to read you, he still doesn’t know all of your story — only the bare bones of it. You prefer it that way and had taken the position years ago as a chance to start over. You do not wish to be reminded of your past, let alone revisit someone you find obnoxious.

Besides, you also aren’t going because you can’t stand the idea of Yoongi leaving you alone in your shared quarters while he is off fucking (or being fucked by) Jimin. Though you know distance doesn’t mute your psychic link — what good would the link serve if that were the case — you hope being at home will distract you enough so that you won’t notice as much if Yoongi’s control slips again. It doesn’t happen often and for that, you are exceedingly grateful.

“Jungkook will be disappointed,” Jimin remarks, his expression sneakier than you like.

You wave him off as you take a sip of your coffee, grateful for something to occupy you before something uncharitable slips from your lips. “He’ll get over it,” you say after you get your mouth under control. “I’m sure there will be plenty of witches who will be willing to take his mind off of me when he’s at Namjoon’s ascension afterparty.”

“Oh, I’m sure, too,” agrees Jimin. “But they won’t be you.”

You sigh. “He’ll eventually figure out that I’m not interested,” you say and dig into your eggs with feigned gusto.

“Well, if it’s not Jungkook, do you have your eyes on anyone else?” asks Jimin. He leans in as if this crafted intimacy will divest you of your secrets.

You do not bother replying and Jimin wisely keeps any additional comments to himself (but not before shooting Yoongi another glance).

The three of you continue breakfast and Yoongi changes the subject to the library re-opening that he knows you won’t object to. You allow yourself to settle into the safety of town administration and Jimin pipes in occasionally with observations and advice of his own. You know your contribution to the discourse is half-hearted at best, but your thoughts are scattered and you want to sulk.

You do not understand why you want to sulk. You do not sulk; that is not a thing you do.

Soon enough, breakfast is over and you clear the dishes into your kitchen’s farmhouse sink as Jimin goes to gather his bags from Yoongi’s room.

You are staring at the mess debating whether you will do the dishes with your own two hands because you need something to do or if you will expend the requisite energy and magic to spell the dishes clean when Yoongi says, “You’re moody.”

“Am I?” you murmur distractedly. You turn on the water and pull on your teal dishwashing gloves. You need the meditative task today.

Yoongi ambles to your side and bumps your shoulder in a friendly gesture. “You’ve seemed moody a lot lately.”

You turn, startled to see him peering at you with such scrutiny. “Have I?”

“Yes. Have your courses been bothering you? I know some months the pain is considerable,” he continues, the picture of solicitousness. “Are you nearing the change? Or perhaps you are with child?”

You are surprised. Jimin is still here (though in another room) and Yoongi is casually discussing your work-related duties as if Jimin can’t just waltz back into the kitchen at any moment. As if he is also part of your marriage. It is inappropriate.

“That’s unlikely,” you glare at your husband.

“Just because it’s unlikely doesn’t mean you can’t be,” Yoongi says.

“As you know, our last consummation was mere days ago,” you reply coldly while you turn back to the task at hand, “and I was menstruating then. I doubt I am pregnant.” You scrub a plate with more force than necessary. “Also, I resent the insinuation that I’m anywhere near perimenopause let alone menopause.”

You know Yoongi thinks that should be the end of it, and you normally would stop, but a frisson of fury forces itself up, emerging from your normally impassive waters.

“This line of reasoning is outdated and sexist,” you continue. “Should I blame your intrusiveness on your testosterone rising thanks to an increased proximity to Jimin? Too much fucking is stirring up your baser emotions?”

Yoongi sucks in a breath, sharp and astonished. You know it’s out of character. The two of you were chosen for Tranquil Valley because of your temperaments: calm and steady, even-keeled. Though you are the grumpier of the two, no one would ever call you hot headed let alone spiteful.

Your last comment was spiteful.

Your day is doomed to be one unacceptable humiliation after another when you sense more than hear Jimin as he comes back into the kitchen and tries unsuccessfully to go back out.

“Jimin and I are concerned,” Yoongi continues. You can tell he is trying very hard to dredge up as much civility as he can.

You resist the overpowering need to smash the plate in your hand. Breaking dinnerware is only satisfying if you cannot magic it back together, the evidence of brokenness swept away and hidden by a neat party trick.

You do not wish your cracks to be temporal, tempered, or temperate.

“You’ve discussed me with Jimin?” You turn to face him in full.

“I’m worried about you,” insists Yoongi as if he’s in the right. “And of course we talk about you. You and I talk about Jimin all the time. You’re our friend.”

“But I’m your wife,” you hiss, your gloved hands dripping over the floor as you gesture between you. “Our marriage is none of his business. Tranquil Valley is not his town. He is not our superior. He isn’t even a councilmember anymore.”

Anger rushes across Yoongi’s face and his eyes dart to where you know Jimin is frozen by the kitchen entrance. Of course his primary concern is for Jimin’s feelings. You wonder if he even realizes you have any.

You feel strangely vulnerable, ashamed of the ugliness you never suspected was buried within you.

You don’t need to see the younger man to know you have breached trust. You know why Jimin is no longer on the council with you two anymore. You and Yoongi had been his staunchest advocates, documenting the abuse and providing refuge for your friend.

You are uncertain whether Jimin will still allow you to call him as such.

“I guess I should be grateful you chose to be nosey then, hmmm? I can’t imagine what would have become of me had everyone continued to mind their own fucking business.” Jimin’s voice drips with calm though you know he is not. He whips you with his dignified composure.

“That’s not what I mean, Jimin,” you protest, “of course we couldn’t allow that man to —”

“I know what that man did,” Jimin bites, cutting you off. The air cracks and shudders with Jimin’s magic. “I was there.”

Yoongi crosses the kitchen to Jimin’s side, leaving you to stand alone against the sink. He approaches slowly and fissures spread across your heart as you witness the way Yoongi asks and Jimin permits with just subtle inclines of their heads. Theirs is the language of lovers, the casual intimacy of people who know each other’s bodies thoroughly. Yoongi wraps his strong arms around Jimin, his forehead kissing Jimin’s forehead.

You cannot bear to look. You cannot bear to look away.

The electric hum recedes as Jimin allows Yoongi to soothe him. You watch as they hold each other with a devotion you never before begrudged but now find yourself doing so.

The water is still running and it is too loud, too alive, too clean.

You break your gaze and move to turn off the faucet. When you turn back around, Jimin is gone and Yoongi is alone.

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In the days following, you and Yoongi assiduously avoid one another. You hide in your workroom and Yoongi goes out in the field early and returns home late.

He no longer wakes you for breakfast, except when you finally go down after he heads into town, your food is always still warm and your coffee is always still hot.

It shames you.

Though you know you need to apologize to him, you cannot bring yourself to do so. (You can’t even bring yourself to think about Jimin.) You know if you do, your husband will try to get to the root of your outburst and you do not have the emotional wherewithal to discuss it at length with him.

You do not know if you will be able to keep your dignity intact, if your jealousy of Jimin will only spotlight the unfortunate happenstance of you being in love with Yoongi. It is embarrassing and gauche.

You presume Yoongi avoids you because he is angry on Jimin’s behalf (though he doesn’t take it out on you because that is not his way). He has every right to be, and for the first time since your ascension day, you are afraid.

What if Yoongi chooses Jimin and leaves you? What if he quits his position and you no longer have a husband or a friend and have to consummate quarterly with a new husband — one who would be a stranger? (You recoil at the thought.) Or worse yet — what if he reports you to the Witches’ Council and asks to have you removed?

(It is irrational. It is extremely difficult to depose a sitting councilmember. You know from seeing how they dragged their feet when Jimin was actively being harmed and controlled.)

You’d spent your childhood dreaming of being a councilmember, of working so hard to be at the top of your classes and excelling not only at spellwork and potion making, but also at management and administration. Namjoon had been your main rival for top marks, but he had never seemed to care for the trappings of success.

You’d had no choice but to be outstanding. Your family lacked the connections and wealth to influence the Witches’ Council into providing a position. (Unlike Namjoon, but you suppose if he had really wanted a seat, he could have prevailed upon his family to procure him a spot. You reluctantly allow for this point in his favor.)

When you and Yoongi had been selected for the sleepy town a few hours out from Tech City, you’d been so anxious, desperate to please both him and the councilmembers you would be replacing. It was rare for both councilmembers to be replaced at the same time, but Chirawan and Saanvi had served the town as wives for more than four decades and were waiting for Yoongi and you to finish your apprenticeship before retiring. The two witches had been kind and patient and you and your fiance had thrived under their tutelage.

Yoongi was the better people person and better at raw magic whereas you were the better administrator and loved intricate spellwork and practical potions. Chirawan helped Yoongi get to know the citizens of Tranquil Valley as he learned how to visualize what they needed (and wanted), and then used his raw magic to create it — sometimes in conjunction with local craftsmen, sometimes without.

The sheer power and magnitude of Yoongi’s abilities had always seemed more useful than your own, but Saanvi had helped you see the need for both of your talents. Your wards kept shops and streets safe from crime, your potions helped the local witches with supply issues during the heavy cold and flu season, and your knack for administration kept the town government in good working condition. Saanvi had even shown you how the townspeople liked you just fine (and they still do).

Though Yoongi had been a stranger to you at the start of the apprenticeship, by the time of your ascension day, you two had become good colleagues and friendly enough. You’d found him restful and hardworking, and he had not seemed to object to your company, even occasionally seeking it out during your downtime. Your practice consummations had been textbook (if not very exciting), and overall, Saanvi and Chirawan had assured you both that you would be fine.

Up until now, it has mostly been fine. The two of you, like all people, argue and differ in opinion, but eventually, you two usually come to some sort of accord.

This detente does not feel like one of those moments.

But when the days turn into weeks and your superiors have not fired you and you each have resumed speaking to one another (albeit stiltedly), you hope that perhaps given enough time, Yoongi will remember that you are not the monster you’d shown him. You hope he will remember that as much as he knows Jimin, he knows you, too. That there is also an intimacy between people who have steadily lived and worked together for over a decade with minimal friction.

You may not know Yoongi’s body like a second skin, but you know enough.

You know the slow, steady rhythm of his days, how he wakes before you and starts breakfast, does an immediate triage of any bureaucratic fires that have erupted overnight before leaving the long term solutions to you, and then heads out to make the public appearances and networking events around town he knows you hate.

You know his favorite stews and soups, how he takes his coffee and whisky, his favorite sweaters and slippers, his favorite playlists and sports teams, and most of what he is going to say before he says it (especially when it comes to the town and its residents).

You know the way his shoulder aches in the winter and the exact pressure points to push so his pain can ease. (It helps that you can feel an echo of the pain in your own body when he is too tired to shield you from it.)

You know the way he will hum under his breath as he prepares your cozy cottage for winter and the way he likes to peer into the forest behind you, smiling softly at the deer and tiny foxes that wander into the clearing around your home.

You know the way his weight settles over you during your consummation rituals, the way his eyebrows scrunch and his breath hitches right before he spills into you and onto the fertile soil below.

You know by the way he comes back from Namjoon’s ascension ceremony just as weighed down as before that he did not spend his nights with Jimin in heartfelt reconciliation and joyful celebration.

You know the way he will hover near the windows to check the road into town on days he anticipates Jimin making an appearance, even so.

You know the way Yoongi shrinks into himself as the days pile into weeks and then into months, and Jimin never appears.

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When Yoongi finally returns to his tiny cottage after a long day of clearing snow from blocked roads and parking lots, he is relieved to see the warm lights through the windows. He is exhausted, his left shoulder aches, and his magic needs replenishing with one of your reconstitution brews and hopefully, his mother’s kimchi jjigae that you learned to make years ago. Instead, he is met with an unfamiliar sand colored Toyota Highlander parked on the side of their driveway.

Yoongi sighs and checks his phone to see if you’d texted him about the guest and absent any, sighs again. Maybe it was a last minute drop-in from the locals (they try to discourage such drop-ins, but sometimes, it just can’t be helped). He hopes that whoever it is will take the hint and leave as soon as possible, but Yoongi isn’t confident.

He stomps into the mudroom, flops onto the simple wooden bench, and slips off his muddy boots, debating summoning the energy to spell them clean. He ultimately decides against it. After all, tomorrow will be more of the same shit. At least his thick woolen socks are dry. Not only are they made with some sort of fancy dry-weave sweat-wicking technology, you have painstakingly stitched in spells to make doubly sure his socks stay dry and always maintain his preferred temperature level.

Yoongi sheds his gloves, woolen beanie, checkered scarf, and his thick, shearling lined flannel jacket, hanging them from the wall hooks. He checks the convenient mirror you’d hung and ruffles his hair so it doesn’t look quite so matted down. His cheeks are ruddy and wind-chapped and his eyes are lined with weariness. Yoongi doesn’t bother to straighten his flannel shirt or the thermals underneath. If his guest is offended at his appearance, they shouldn’t have dropped by so late in the day.

He sucks in a cleansing breath, holds it a few seconds, and then whooshes it out his lungs. Though Yoongi does not mind dealing with people, he is still an introvert and he is all peopled out. That’s in great part why living with you used to be so soothing and comfortable. You, too, are an introvert and content to leave him to his own counsel.

Yoongi is sad as he realizes that you no longer seem to be his resting place. He doesn’t know why — has given you ample chances to open up and tell him, has even given you months of space — but you never say anything. That combined with Jimin refusing to answer his calls and texts has made this fall and winter season the worst he’s weathered in years. The lack of sun always makes him feel a little down, but he’s usually had you and Jimin to help him through.

Yoongi is worn out and he hates that he doesn’t even know how it happened.

He forces himself into the kitchen and is pleased to see kimchi jjigae simmering on the stove. He doesn’t know why he didn’t smell it when he got in. He idly wonders if he’s catching a cold and reminds himself to ask you for one of your immune boosting teas before he goes to bed.

Yoongi hears lowered voices and when he pops into the common room, is stunned to see Jimin — now with gunmetal gray hair — sitting on the couch in the arms of a beautiful man. Beautiful is an understatement. Yoongi thinks this might be the most arrestingly attractive man he’s ever seen — and he grew up with Seokjin Kim. The otherworldly man is saying something in a low baritone (which would be distracting enough) except he is also nuzzling Jimin’s face with his own and playing with Jimin’s tiny fingers.

The stranger’s dark brows are sensuous slashes above smoldering brown eyes, and they lift when Yoongi grumbles a greeting.

“Oh, Yoongi,” you say as you scoot over on the forest green loveseat to make room for him. It’s the first time in months he’s heard you address him with anything but passive politeness, and yet, he hadn’t even realized you were in the room until you’d spoken. “Jimin requested a last minute meeting and he brought a friend along. This is Taehyung Kim — they are old elementary school friends.”

Yoongi finally takes you in. You are in your favorite tangerine colored angora sweater and soft, gray lounge pants. Your face and body language are forcibly placid and he sees pity in your eyes. Suddenly, he hates you.

“Hello, Taehyung,” Yoongi says, remembering his manners. What he does not remember, however, is Jimin ever mentioning this Taehyung. “Sorry to keep everyone waiting,” he adds, though he had no idea to expect guests tonight. He used to consider Jimin family — but since his radio-silence and this surprise Taehyung, Yoongi doesn’t know what Jimin is to him anymore. “Clearing the smaller roads took longer than I thought.”

You make some small sound of commiseration and then pour him some tea from the tea service on the coffee table. Yoongi must be out of it if he didn’t even notice how you’d taken care to bring out his favorite tea set with the little cartoon cats. He can’t even smell what he’s sure must be his favorite valerian root tea and when he notices the beveled honey jar, he knows he is right. He must be coming down with something if he didn’t even smell the bitter, earthy tea.

Yoongi sits down on the loveseat and nods a thanks as you hand him a cup with a cat eating tangerines. He scoots as far from you as possible without it making it seem as if he’s doing so. He can tell from the way Taehyung’s eyes bore holes into him that he is unsuccessful.

“They showed up about fifteen minutes ago,” you say, acknowledging not giving him a head’s up. “Said it was urgent but wanted to wait for you before telling me. I had just started apologizing to Jimin right before you got home.”

Yoongi almost spills his cup of tea. He waits for you to say more, but you do not. He peers at you and Jimin but does not see any of the previous comfort and love you used to share. He only sees strain on both of your parts as Taehyung hugs Jimin tighter (if possible).

“Well, don’t let me stop you.”

He is gratified to see your grip on your teacup tighten just a fraction before you release it. He’s glad you haven’t apologized yet. He’s glad he gets to witness it. Yoongi doesn’t care if that means he’s a bitter, petty person. He is feeling bitter and petty.

You turn to face Jimin, your face contrite and nervous. “I’m sorry for throwing your status as a non-councilmember in your face, Jimin. It was not only classist and elitist, it was also cruel considering both your history and our friendship.”

Jimin considers you for a few long beats. “Is that how you really see me? As someone who doesn’t have a say in your life because of my status?” His face is strained, and Yoongi can tell he’s holding back his hurt.

“Oh, no, Jimin. I was just lashing out, and you were there.” Your face crumples. “Of course I value your opinion — both on my personal life and about our Tranquil Valley duties. I truly am so sorry.”

“Why were you lashing out?” Jimin asks, “and what’s to stop you from doing that again?”

Yoongi thinks he sees genuine pain and hurt in your eyes, but before he can wonder why you are hurt when it is Jimin and him who were the injured parties, you answer.

“I suppose that’s fair.” You seem distinctly more ill at ease, as if you’re trying to figure out what story to spin them to make this line of questioning go away as quickly as possible. “I — I was upset at the idea of you two discussing me. I know you were both concerned, but it felt — I don’t know how to explain it. It felt like I was on the outside, like you two were a team and I was not.”

“That’s stupid,” Yoongi says before he can stop himself.

Your head snaps up and he cannot decipher your expression. He suddenly realizes that as much as he knows you, there is still so much he does not.

“Well, sorry you have such a stupid wife,” you say so matter of factly that it takes Yoongi several beats before your sarcasm registers, “but that’s the reason, or as best as I can explain it.”

Jimin and Taehyung keep glancing back and forth between you and Yoongi. It is clear that there are also unresolved issues in his marriage and he is somewhat embarrassed that this is being carried out in front of a stranger. He wishes again that Jimin had come alone, and his gut tells him that Taehyung is here for more than just emotional support.

You refocus your attention on Jimin. “I’m sorry it’s not more specific. But truly, I love and care about you so much. I’m so sorry that I’ve hurt you and I understand if you can no longer trust me.” You pause and grimace as you look at Yoongi. “I’m also so sorry if what I said has ruptured your relationship with Yoongi.”

This time, Yoongi looks away. He does not want you to know just how angry he still is at you. Instead, he watches Jimin. He misses Jimin with his entire being.

Jimin does not move for several long moments and to your credit, you do not rush him or pressure him to accept your apology.

Yoongi hopes (even though he knows that perhaps he has none).

“I see,” Jimin finally says.

A look of regret flashes across his angelic face and Yoongi knows. He knows Jimin does not love him in the same way Yoongi does (and perhaps always will).

“Taehyung asked me to be his husband. I agreed.”

Yoongi hears himself gasp. You tentatively place your hand on his arm, but he shakes you off. He feels as if he’s underwater.

“I thought you said you’d never get married again,” Yoongi spits. He knows he is being ridiculous. Plenty of non-married councilmembers fuck each other. There is no rule that prohibits it. Except, some foolish part of him had hoped that perhaps one day, when Jimin wanted to settle down, he would settle with Yoongi and you. “Is this because of what Y/N said? Did you miss running a city that much? We could have made space for you here.”

Yoongi doesn’t turn to look at your face even though he can feel you freeze by his side.

He knows he has never discussed this with you — and truthfully, it’s not common for there to be triad representatives in a marriage, but it’s not unheard of either. Usually, triads and even quads are reserved for large, bustling metropolises, not sleepy little townships nestled in picturesque valleys.

Either way, the point is now moot. Jimin is marrying Taehyung.

“I realized recently that if I hate the council so much, I can change it,” Jimin says, his voice trembling with emotion, “but the only way to change it is from the inside.”

“So this is a political move?” Yoongi asks.

He asks because though Jimin has never said so, Yoongi has always hoped the wandering witch returned his feelings. He has always hoped that one day, when Jimin was ready, they could all settle down together in Tranquil Valley.

“It is political,” confirms Jimin as he straightens himself, as if his body could lend his voice resolution, “and it is also more. Taehyung loves me.”

Yoongi cannot bear it. “I love you,” he grates out, uncaring that you and Taehyung are witnessing the first outward confession of his heart.

Grief steals into Jimin’s eyes right before he glances away, refusing to meet Yoongi’s gaze. His Jimin, who when they’d made love, would force Yoongi to look him in the eyes as he came.

You and Taehyung avert your eyes, too. As if your not looking provides him the dignity he’s abandoned. As if your not looking makes the fact that Jimin does not want him anymore less true.

It is not enough.

“I know,” Jimin says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Yoongi tries to salvage the situation. Jimin has not said he loves Taehyung (though he also has not said he loves Yoongi). Perhaps, they can at least continue their arrangement.

“Where is Taehyung’s city?” Yoongi hates how his voice is so raw and hopeful.

Jimin winces. “It’s in the Southern Territories,” he says to the floor, “a 5 hour flight from Tech City. There are talks of the Witches’ Council forming a southern council and letting the Southern Territories self-govern.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Yoongi does not bother hiding the hurt in his voice. He is reeling and all he wants is to go back to thirty minutes prior when he was driving home, anticipating some kimchi jjigae and sinking into his mattress, lonely but still dreaming of companionship with Jimin. “I thought we were at least friends?”

“I — I’m telling you now.” Jimin stutters. Yoongi has never known the younger witch to stumble. Perhaps, this is affecting Jimin more than he is letting on. “I know it seems sudden, and I suppose it is,” he explains. “But after what Y/N said — how I wasn’t part of your Tranquil Valley, how I wasn’t even a councilmember anymore —”

Jimin cuts himself off and stares at his hands which are currently hidden in the frayed sleeves of his oversized hoodie. Yoongi vaguely registers that it’s one he gave Jimin years ago.

Taehyung leans in even closer to Jimin and whispers in his ear. Jimin’s dark lashes flutter and Yoongi feels twin daggers twist in his heart and gut. Jimin used to flutter his lashes for him, his cock heavy in Yoongi’s mouth, his hooded gaze pinning Yoongi down while he thrust. Yoongi hates how he remembers exactly how Jimin’s lush lips used to glisten, parted to pant his name or pinched between Jimin’s teeth.

A wave of despair crashes over Yoongi and he grits his teeth. He’s flustered and frustrated at his reaction. He is normally not so emotional. He knows that love is not usually in the cards for witch representatives, that the nature of their duties prevents them from what the rest of their world considers normal, healthy relationships.

Yoongi’s younger self had not cared, had been more than satisfied to run a town in his parents’ footsteps, to have meaning in his work, to have companionship with you and his carnal needs met by other people. He had thought Jimin would be a convenient melding of friendship and physicality. Yoongi had not expected to love him, had not expected for love to come in his thirties when Yoongi had never before loved anyone.

Yoongi did not love until he did and now that he does, he regrets. He thinks that perhaps you have the right of it, never attaching yourself to a particular person or even seeking a paramour.

He reels himself in, forcing himself to call upon over thirteen years of dealing with irate citizenry or pompous councilmembers trying to lure him into pissing contests. Yoongi forces himself to remember that it is not about him, that though his heart is breaking, it’s Jimin’s life, and ultimately, he wants Jimin to be happy.

He gentles his voice. “Jimin-ah, if you think this will make you happy, then I’m happy for you.” When Jimin lifts an eyebrow in disbelief, he adds, “I wish you had told me when you were considering this, but a lot of it is because I hate the idea of you struggling with this alone.”

“Taehyung helped,” Jimin says.

Yoongi pretends that it doesn’t cut deep. He can make it through the next few seconds, the next few minutes, the next few hours.

Taehyung has the grace to look embarrassed. “I didn’t do much,” he mumbles in a deliciously low voice. Yoongi hates that he can’t help but notice. “Whatever my family can do to help you in spearheading change, we will. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Your family?” you ask. “And who is your family?”

It is only when you speak that Yoongi recalls that you are still here. You have been so quiet, so still — almost as if you wanted to disappear and give him as much privacy as you could.

Taehyung’s honey-colored skin deepens. “Ah,” he says as he clears his throat. “I’m from the southern Kim clan.”

Your eyes widen. “As in Kim Magus Industries and Kim Thaumaturgical Enterprises?” Your face suddenly screws in suspicion and Yoongi cannot help but be grateful. “How did you end up at Jimin’s elementary school? He grew up in the Western Territories.”

Taehyung hesitates before deciding to share. “There were some succession issues when I was small,” he explains. “They sent me with my mother’s youngest sister to live somewhere far away to protect me.”

“Her youngest sister?” you scoff. “Sounds like they weren’t particularly concerned.”

“My imo is Seong-Min Chae.”

“Oh, shit,” you breathe, immediately recognizing the name of one of the most powerful elemental witches in modern times. “I stand corrected.” You sweep your eyes over Taehyung as if with renewed respect.

Yoongi takes this moment to more carefully look over Taehyung in his brown cabled sweater, maroon corduroys, and black woolen socks. His hair is a white blond with a centimeter of black roots. He doesn’t look like he’s from one of the richest and most powerful witch families of the last century.

“And is the succession issue adequately resolved? Will Jimin be in any danger?” you doggedly continue, as if trying to make up for your prior behavior.

Taehyung regards you approvingly even as Jimin rolls his eyes. Yoongi knows that Jimin is likely chafing at your protectiveness. Jimin hates being perceived as weak, hates showing any sort of weakness.

“You have my word that Jimin will be more than safe and secure with me. No one will dare fuck with the Kim heir and his husband,” Taehyung says, his soft tone belying the steel in his words. “My family would annihilate them.”

“That, um, seems adequate,” you choke and shake your head ruefully. You sigh. “Well, I did ask.”

Yoongi wants to hate Taehyung, but even he cannot deny that is more than Yoongi could ever hope to provide. And if Jimin truly wants to change the council from the inside, the Kim clan would be the muscle and money influencing decisions. Loath as Yoongi is to admit that outside powers have any sway over councilmembers, everyone knows that is patently untrue. The only reason you and Yoongi are generally unaffected is because Tranquil Valley is too small to be considered worth affecting.

“We’ll do whatever we can to help,” Yoongi finally offers, “but you have to tell us. No more shutting us out, Jimin.”

“He can shut us out if he wants to, Yoongi,” you interject softly. “We hope you don’t. We hope to be worthy of your trust, but I understand if there are times you cannot or choose not to. For all the changes you wish to push, you will have your own city to worry about and consider first.”

Yoongi wants to glare at you, to scowl and throw a tantrum like he did as a child. Except he knows you are right. He knows that once a witch ascends to the council, they are no longer their own. Their people, their land, their city — they all clamor for priority so much so that Yoongi sometimes forgets that he is his own person. It is a huge reason why he’d found such solace in Jimin.

Jimin had just been for him.

Jimin nods and accepts your offer graciously. “I will do my best.”

His face rifles through expressions so rapidly that Yoongi only recognizes them because he has spent so many hours studying Jimin’s ethereal face. Yoongi cannot decide if he prefers Jimin vulpine and predatory or tender and vulnerable. He is unsure if he has ever seen Jimin truly with his guard down and Yoongi’s heart pangs.

Jimin clears his throat. “We’ve taken enough of your time.” He picks up his neglected tea cup and gulps down a few tepid sips. “Thank you for your apology, Y/N,” he adds for your benefit and something in your posture loosens, sagging in relief. It is a small thing, but Yoongi notices. “And Yoongi,” Jimin starts before stopping, his tenor voice hitching with emotion.

You suddenly stand. “Taehyung, would you mind helping me clear the dishes?”

To Taehyung’s credit and Yoongi’s surprise, Taehyung unwraps his body from Jimin, collects a few cups and then follows you into the kitchen.

Yoongi shivers.

Jimin reaches across the coffee table for Yoongi’s hands and Yoongi lets him. He does not want to admit that he is busy memorizing the feel of Jimin’s smaller hands in his larger ones. He does not want to cling, to beg for one more night of mapping out Jimin’s body with his palms and tongue.

Yoongi is afraid to make eye contact, but he is more afraid to lose this chance to drink in Jimin’s warm, brown eyes. He wills himself not to tremble, to not reveal himself as he did so gracelessly before.

“Do you love him?” he inquires before he can stop himself. There goes Yoongi’s resolve to not reveal himself.

“I’m sorry, Yoongi,” Jimin says, all honey and regret. “I was a coward.” Yoongi notes that Jimin does not answer his question. “I was afraid you would talk me out of it.”

Yoongi flinches. He removes his hands even though he immediately wants Jimin to regrasp them. “Do you think me so selfish?”

Jimin shrugs. “I know how love goes,” he tosses carelessly.

“That man did not love you,” Yoongi snarls. At Jimin’s nonchalant waving off of his words, he feels a throbbing build at the base of his skull. He does not want to argue. (It is an old argument, at any rate.) “I’m sorry,” he utters, though he is not sure what exactly he is sorry for. “I’m sorry,” he repeats, and he means it.

Yoongi watches as Jimin gets up from the couch and settles next to Yoongi on the loveseat. Jimin wraps his arms around Yoongi and nestles his face in the curve where Yoongi’s neck meets his shoulder. Yoongi hates how weak he is. He hates how he cannot help but embrace Jimin, desperate to have the man he loves enfolded and clasped to his chest.

Yoongi breathes Jimin in, letting his scent of light gardenia and tuberose wash over him. He hates how even now, even knowing that you and Taehyung are in the next room over, Yoongi wants. He wants to run away and use his magic to construct a fortress or castle or both and sequester himself with Jimin to love and to fuck for the rest of his life.

For the first time he can recall, he despises their societal strictures. He hates how his foolish, younger self dismissed love out of hand, consigning it to lesser mortals who did not have his sense of duty (filial or otherwise). He does not think his parents ever loved each other, though they had seemed congenial enough. They have long since retired and gone their separate ways and Yoongi hates how what had seemed so normal to him at the time now strikes him as cruel.

He suddenly realizes he does not want the life his parents had and set as an example for him. Yoongi does not know what this means. He only knows that the love of his life is holding him (or is Yoongi holding Jimin) and the thought of living the rest of his life with you and no prospect of Jimin makes him want to scream.

Yoongi chokes back a sob and Jimin leans back to cup his face, using his thumbs to wipe at Yoongi’s cheeks. Yoongi had not even noticed that he’d been crying this whole time.

“If I could love, I would have liked to love you, Yoongi,” Jimin says.

It is cruel. It is merciful.

Yoongi does not think it is remotely true though perhaps Jimin doesn’t want to leave him with nothing. Perhaps this is the best Jimin can do.

“I’m glad Taehyung loves you,” Yoongi says, shocking himself even as he realizes it is true. “You deserve love, Jimin-ah,” he continues, “and I hope even if you don’t love him, that you can feel it deep in your bones. I’m glad he already told you and didn’t hide it like I did. You should be loved. You should know that you’re loved.”

Jimin huffs. “I never knew you were such a sentimental sap.” He aims for light and teasing except somehow, he misses the mark. Instead, Jimin sounds full of wonder and confusion.

“I guess that’s your effect on people.”

Yoongi wants to curl up and die. How can such ridiculous words flow from his mouth with all sincerity and no irony whatsoever?

Jimin lifts his hand and places a finger lightly on Yoongi’s lower lip. Yoongi resists the overwhelming urge to flick out his tongue and taste Jimin one last time. As if reading his mind, Jimin slowly cants forward and places a soft kiss over his own finger and Yoongi sighs at the slight contact on his mouth. Before he knows it, Jimin has slipped his finger away and deepened the kiss and Yoongi, greedy fool that he is, drinks Jimin in one last time.

All too soon, Jimin pulls away, his eyes glassy and hazy with want. Yoongi swallows and desperately wishes he could swallow Jimin and keep him for himself.

“Goodbye, Yoongi,” Jimin whispers and then heads to the kitchen.

Yoongi is alone.

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Yoongi moves as if in a stupor for the next few days. You don’t say anything and though he thinks he keeps his feelings tightly wrapped, thinks none of his devastation leaks down your psychic connection, there is one moment after he’s awakened from a particularly heartbreaking dream where he thinks he feels comfort and consolation pulse down to him. He immediately falls back asleep (though now that he thinks about it, that seems odd) and Yoongi later tucks that memory away to examine when he’s in a better headspace.

He struggles to get out of bed and he vaguely recalls you taking on all his in-person meetings and going into town on his behalf. It’s something you only do when he is too sick to meet safely with people, and because he is rarely sick thanks to your brews, you’ve rarely had to do so.

Yoongi is not sick now, but still, you go.

His meals magically appear (literally) and tisanes are pressed to his lips when he wakes, boneless and dried out from all his tears. And then on the fifth day, he wakes up right after sunrise, runs a steaming hot shower, and then plods downstairs to make you breakfast.

When you show up about ten minutes later, eyes half open and hair in a messy pile on your head, you pause in confusion. Your sleeping shirt is wrinkled and your flannel pajama pants are slouchy and clearly too long. (In fact, he suspects those are actually his missing ones. They look familiar.) You grunt something that resembles a garbled “morning,” plonk down at the nook and promptly cradle your head in your arms, closing your eyes as if you’re in pain.

Considering how much you hate mornings, Yoongi suspects that might actually be the case.

When he slides a plate of french toast, sausage links, and cut fresh fruit in front of you, you finally stir and show some signs of life. You prop your face up with a reluctant palm and your cheek is adorably squished. You groan and make grabby hands in his direction and Yoongi finds himself amused for the first time in days.

“Yes, yes, I’ve got your coffee,” he says agreeably and carefully sets a mug of your chosen poison (no sugar, a splash of oat milk) in your impatient hands.

He brings his own plate of food over along with his iced Americano (it doesn’t matter how cold the weather is, he always has his coffee cold and black) and sits in his regular seat across from you. It’s a bit jarring to have you with him in the morning, but he finds that he does not mind.

Yoongi has missed you.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he begins to say but is unable to continue when you grunt and grumble what he guesses is “Let’s never speak of this again,” and so he does not finish.

He smiles and eats in companionable silence with you.

When he gets up to clear the dishes, you wave him away with marginally more energy and remind him of the meeting he has with the Garcias in town. You hate the Garcias. (You find them way too pushy and entitled, but Yoongi just thinks they’re enthusiastic and invested. The truth is likely somewhere in between.)

He goes upstairs to his room, changes the sheets and then changes into his “town” uniform of thick lined jeans, heattech shirt, and a black and gray flannel shirt. He snorts when he realizes the ungodly amount of flannel he owns and then shrugs because it’s winter. Of course he has to wear flannel. He smiles when he pulls on a pair of socks and hears you in his mind griping about how he should wear socks first then pants.

His heart is still sore, but he remembers that he chose his life and when he’s not moping over Jimin, he actually likes it.

Yoongi fishes around for his favorite beanie and startles when he realizes you knit it for him years ago. If he looks carefully, he can see the warmth and dry spells you neatly stitched into the charcoal gray hat. Though you do not accompany him into town, you cover him all the same.

When he comes home late that night, covered bowls of galbi jjim, steamed rice, and various banchan are laid out on the kitchen table, spelled to stay at the right temperatures for him. He putters around and finds you in your workroom, bent over the heavy wooden work table, peering at some bit of machinery under a warm, yellow lamp.

“I know you already ate, but do you want to join me for dinner?” he asks from the doorway.

You blink owlishly when you look up, the magnifying loupes on your spectacles ballooning your eyes to cartooned proportions. Yoongi suddenly feels a rush of affection for you. He wonders why he had thought the two of you strained, but then he remembers and his smile falters.

Your eyes narrow and you remove your glasses quickly, settling them on your table, heedless of all the assorted gears and gadgets scattered on the surface. “Just gimme a sec to wash up,” you say, and Yoongi heads back to the kitchen to wait.

When you show up a few minutes later, you seem to debate whether or not to ask how he is doing. Yoongi knows you are curious, but he also knows that he can’t handle that sort of intimacy right now. You seem to read the sentiment on his face and ask instead how the meeting with the Garcias went and the tight knot in Yoongi’s stomach settles.

He tells you about how the Garcias want to close off one of the main streets and form a short promenade on weekend nights.

He eats the galbi jjim and slurps up the soup.

He is warm.

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When he shuffles downstairs the next morning, you are already there, glasses sitting crooked on your nose and doggedly trying not to yawn (but failing) as you make jook. Yoongi ambles to the family room, grabs his laptop, and brings it to the kitchen table, taking care of the more urgent emails before he puts it away and sets the table.

When he gets home later that evening, you have two servings of grilled cheese and tomato soup at the table.

He goes to your workroom and invites you to dinner.

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It goes like this for days until it is no longer out of the ordinary, until it is now the new way of things. Yoongi recalls how the two of you had spent the early years like this until it slowly hadn’t been. He muses you two must have been slowly but surely drifting away like this new routine is slowly but surely coming together. You’d likely slept in one morning and then, one morning became two and then became all of them. He’d likely come home late for dinner one night and then two nights, and then it was many of his nights.

It has worked fine until now. It likely still would have been fine had it continued (except Yoongi is glad that it has not).

Yoongi likes how the two of you have always been attuned, circling and touching each other at the edges of your daily living. Except now, now the two of you are recalibrating your schedules, attuning them to each other in the new normal.

He knows not everything is magically fixed. He knows that one day soon, you two should address what happened all those months ago, but he also knows that it is unlikely to happen. Whatever it was that had you so upset and emotional all those months prior seems to no longer be an issue.

He is not sure why his subconscious whispers for him to pay attention, but he once again shelves it for another day.

His subconscious still whispers too much at night. His dreams are still sad and he still wakes up with tears tracking down his face. He still falls back asleep with a strange sense of comfort that reaches through walls and the edge of consciousness.

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“Y/N, do you enjoy our consummations?” asks Yoongi one day as the two of you are cleaning up after dinner. It’s been at least half a year since Jimin’s left and he doesn’t know what has come over him.

That is not quite true. Yoongi knows.

Yoongi hasn’t had a truly good orgasm in almost a year and he’s going to go crazy.

It’s not for lack of trying. He knows he cleans up well, that men and women alike go sort of crazy when he pulls his long locks into a half ponytail. He knows that despite his soft and snuggly insides, he projects a sort of savagery that he doesn’t dispel when he is on the prowl. He leans heavy into his inner asshole and it’s like a beacon, drawing all sorts of options to him.

Except, well, it’s been thoroughly unsatisfactory.

Yoongi is desperate.

“What?” you query from your spot at the farmhouse sink. You are up to your elbows in suds and your spectacles are once again askew.

Yoongi wipes down the kitchen table and repeats himself. “Do you enjoy our consummations?”

“I mean, I guess?” you reply, quirking your head at him.

“If you don’t know, that means you do not.”

“I don’t not enjoy them,” you say after a few more moments of thought. “I’m not sure why that matters though. Unless there is new research that shows enjoyment makes for better harvests?”

Of course you would consider the harvest first and not your own pleasure. Yoongi isn’t sure if he’s proud of how responsible you are or aggravated that you don’t seem to care much for your own physical gratification. He briefly wonders if you perhaps have never had an orgasm and thus, it doesn’t matter because you don’t know what you’re missing. Then he rebukes himself. He knows sexuality is a spectrum and not everyone derives pleasure from the act. As long as he doesn’t hurt you during your quarterly consummations, he should be satisfied.

Except he finds that he is not. It seems criminal that you do not particularly enjoy having sex with him (though if he is honest, he doesn’t particularly enjoy having sex with you, either).

“No, there’s no research,” he acknowledges.

Yoongi wants to lie, but there are no new studies he can cite (at least none that he knows of). He’s not even sure if consummations are anything other than a holdover from the old ways. He is not convinced they make any difference to the harvest, but he is not bold enough to risk his town’s food supply on a hunch.

He decides to let the matter lie and gathers the broom to sweep the floor.

“Do — do you find our consummations enjoyable?” you ask hesitantly.

You seem concerned, and Yoongi feels somewhat ashamed for causing you to question your performance. He also cannot bring himself to lie. He is flummoxed.

“I find it enjoyable enough to complete the ritual,” he says.

You rinse off the remaining dishes and Yoongi thinks that’s the end of that. Your brow furrows. “That’s not quite the same as finding it pleasurable though, is it?”

Yoongi returns the broom to the mudroom attached to the kitchen. “No,” he says when he re-enters the kitchen. “No, it’s not.”

You shake water off the teal dishwashing gloves and slip them off, folding them over the lip of the sink. He watches as you wash your hands and dry them on the checkered dish towel. You shift to lean against the wooden counter as if you need to brace yourself.

“Is — is pleasure during the ritual so very important to you?”

Your face is carefully blank, and Yoongi realizes that you are hurt though he is not sure why. After all, he is not hurt by your lack of pleasure.

“It’s not a criticism,” he says quickly, but your face remains withdrawn. “Your performance is within our ritual parameters. I have no complaints.”

You chuckle mirthlessly. “Yes, I can see that.” You seem to shrink inside your peach colored sweatshirt and knee-length lounge pants and Yoongi’s heart contracts.

“I’ve hurt you,” he says. You do not react to his statement and Yoongi is unprepared for just how sorry he feels. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to.”

You turn your face so he can only rely on the way your back is ramrod straight to give you away. “You haven’t,” you say, except Yoongi knows you are lying.

You are quiet and Yoongi doesn’t know what to say and so he, too, remains quiet.

“Are you not receiving sufficient physical pleasure in your supplemental activities?” you finally ask, still not quite facing him. “Is this why you suddenly ask about my pleasure after almost fifteen years? Surely if it were that important to you, you would have mentioned it sooner?”

Yoongi is chastened.

“I’ve tried,” he says defeatedly, knowing he is caught. “But it’s — I can’t — I hate it.” He hangs his head and slumps into the kitchen nook. He resists the urge to sink his head into his awaiting palms. Instead, he swallows his pride and regards you with his dignity in tatters. “Do you think we could — that is, would you be willing to — maybe if I made it good for you —”

You flinch imperceptibly. “I’m sorry, Yoongi,” you say, cutting him off.

He is marginally grateful you do not allow him to finish his request. It is humiliating. He is not a man with so little self-control, but he’s also never had such difficulty slaking his needs.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer we keep our consummations as is,” you disclose. “You receive adequate satisfaction as is required, and I am satisfied when the ritual is performed correctly in accordance to our duties.”

You make to move closer to him but change your mind.

“I’m not Jimin, Yoongi,” you add, a tremor in your voice. “I can’t be Jimin even if I knew how.”

This time, it is Yoongi who flinches.

“You think I don’t know that?” he unintentionally snarls. It’s been so many months and yet, still, he is heartsore and heartsick. Your presence has helped, but you are right. You are no Jimin. Jimin is the blaze of a wildfire, an inferno that turns him into kindling. You are the muted warmth of a candle, a comfort in the dark. “You think I’m not trying to get over him?”

You sigh and cross the room to join him at the table. “It’s all my fault,” you confess faintly. “If I had not reached for more than was my allotment in life — if I had not coveted — if I had only been content with the status quo, this would have never happened.”

Your words tickle a memory but Yoongi can’t quite seem to place it.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he asks.

He takes a strange sort of satisfaction at seeing you visibly quail at his demand for clarification.

“Jimin was — is — the love of my life,” he states evenly though he wants to wail. He lets anger and frustration sink their hooks into him. “I deserve to know what you mean.”

You regard him, eyes veiled even as you meet his own. “Hasn’t this last year or so between us been nice?” you ask feebly. “I mean, other than the thing with Jimin.”

“You mean other than my heart breaking?” cries Yoongi. Confusion and hurt swirl in his chest, and the pressure makes his lungs feel too tight.

You remove your glasses and fiddle with them instead of looking at him. You take a deep, steadying breath. “I was jealous,” you finally divulge, and it is the last thing Yoongi expects to hear.

“You were jealous?” he repeats.

“And insecure,” you say. You flick your wary eyes to him. “I always feel that way around Jimin.”

That niggling feeling that he’s forgetting something is back, but Yoongi can’t think and listen at the same time. “But you love Jimin.”

“They’re not mutually exclusive.”

You pull the sleeves of your vermillion shirt down over your palms. It is not quite time for the harvest moon consummation, but there is already a slight chill on some nights and the kitchen window is open.

Yoongi gets up to shut the window. He leans against the sill instead of sitting back down.

“Why? What could you possibly have to feel insecure about? You’re an amazing witch,” he observes, genuinely puzzled.

You shiver despite the window being closed. “Because you love him.” Your voice comes out as a ragged whisper.

Yoongi cannot compute your words. He hears what you do not say, but his mind balks. “But we’re married.”

“Now you’re just being purposely obtuse. You know it’s not a choice I would make.” Your face is agony. “It is inconvenient at best. Ruinous at worst.”

“And so, what? I don’t love you like I love Jimin and you wanted to hurt me for it?” Yoongi is being unfair, but he seems to have temporarily lost control of his filter.

Your countenance shatters. “That’s not — I would never —” You pause.

He hates how you can rein your tongue now. Why could you not have done so that horrible, horrible day?

“It hurt, okay?” you spit out. “It was mortifying for me to hear you discussing my poorly hidden emotions about Jimin with Jimin and I lost it.” Your outburst fizzles out as quickly as it flares up. “I’m a person, too, okay?” you continue plaintively. “I have feelings and they’re messy and I didn’t want to hurt Jimin or you but it happened and I have to live with that.”

Yoongi feels sick. It’s as if you’ve suddenly snapped into focus, and the change in his emotional depth of field unseats him. You’ve tilted his world, and he can’t right himself quite just yet.

He rests his hands on the sill and grips them, the wood digging into his palms. The bite grounds him.

“I’m sorry I wrecked everything.” You sound and look miserable.

Yoongi is torn between wanting to comfort you and wanting you to suffer. He needs to get his shit together. “I think I need to process all of this and go to sleep. I need to help with the harvest again tomorrow,” he gruffs. “We can discuss it another time.” He pushes off the wooden sill and brushes imaginary lint off his heavy duty work pants (work pants you spelled with durability and stain resistance).

You nod, your face a grimace. “Ok,” you agree meekly.

It is your meekness that angers him the most.

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Tomorrow comes, but despite you waking up early to eat breakfast with Yoongi as you are now accustomed to doing, he has already left. You tell yourself that he just wants to get a jump on the day’s work, but you don’t believe it.

You stare at the bowl of grits, the two eggs over medium and sausage crumbles Yoongi had added on top along with some wilted greens. You stare at your coffee (no sugar, a splash of oat milk). You mechanically eat and drink your breakfast. It is warm and hot and though it is filling, you taste nothing.

You go about your daily tasks and prepare a large batch of bath bombs for Yoongi to use and soak his weary muscles. You brew restorative potions and prepare salves for his bad shoulder.

That night, you wait up for him and fall asleep at the kitchen table. When you wake up the next morning, your back aching and head all cottony, you see last night’s beef and Guinness stew, wild mushroom tartlet, and Yoongi’s tonic untouched before you.

It is still warm.

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On the morning of the harvest consummation, you drag yourself out of bed. The sun is already high in the sky and you would feel guilty, but there is no one to apologize to. There is no one waiting for you in the kitchen.

You only know that Yoongi will be home tonight because he has never been unable to fulfill his equinox and solstice duties.

You are busy with finalizing details for the upcoming harvest festival and tell yourself that once the busyness passes, you and Yoongi will return to normal. Not for the first time are you grateful that modern consummation rites do not require an audience of townspeople.

You would not be able to bear it.

By the time late evening rolls around, you have already gathered the offerings of grain, meat, fruit, and wine. You have purified your body in the ceremonial baths and have slathered all the sacred oils and emollients on your body. You have lined your eyes with kohl and slipped into the perfumed robes. You go to the back of your cottage near the holy copse of trees and light fires in the deep bronze bowls of the ceremonial fire pits.

You lay down a thick sheepskin on the grass in the center of the circle of braziers. On the ground by its side, you place a flask of clove oil, some small washcloths, and two bottles of water.

Yoongi is late.

You normally would not be worried except these past few weeks, you have barely seen him and when you did, he wouldn’t speak to you. It was worse than the cautious avoidance of last year. At least then he had been worried about you in addition to being angry.

This time, however. This time, it feels like hate. Or worse: indifference. It feels like neglect. It feels like dereliction of duty.

You wrack your brain for consummation protocols for instances of a lone witch representative. You know you and Yoongi have lucked out over your term, neither of you ever being too sick to perform. (You also know that you have somehow dodged pregnancy all these years and part of you is melancholy and part of you is relieved. You are not allowed to prevent conception during the rite. Its power stems from fertility, and so many councilmembers conceive during these quarterly congresses.)

You check your texts but Yoongi hasn’t sent you any.

The thought that he has abandoned you, has left his position to chase after Jimin, slides its way into your mind, oily and insidious. You don’t think that is the type of person Yoongi is, but you are admittedly not in the best frame of mind right now.

You order your brain to shut up and look up the consummation rituals for a solo witch, hoping desperately that it does not require you to find a partner. After some searching, you find that the main requirement in the ritual is an orgasm — and not even a male one (which makes sense when you think about it, otherwise, how did Chirawan and Saanvi manage all those years?).

You’d forgotten mostly because it’s incredibly difficult for you to climax, especially during penetrative sex. In fact, you’re not sure that you ever have. It is in great part why you don’t particularly care for sex and ultimately, why Yoongi’s orgasm has been your focus all these years. (And even then, you just assume Yoongi knows what to do and you are more of the receptacle than an active participant.)

When the reality of the situation hits you, you lowkey begin to panic. You rarely masturbate and even then, you don’t really see the point because you don’t come more often than you do. (And yes, you’ve tried all sorts of toys and watched all sorts of films. You’re just not wired that way. It normally doesn’t bother you.)

You glance at the time and it’s nearing the lunar culmination. It’s best practice to have the ritual complete as near as possible to when the moon reaches its apex position in the sky and you haven’t even thrown the offerings on the fire.

You run back into the cottage and up the stairs to your room. You rummage through your dresser drawer and finally find a tiny vibrator that you hope still has a remaining charge. You turn it on and the smooth machine quivers to life. You suppose it will have to do.

You go back outside and set the intimate massager on a washcloth. Then you take a few cleansing breaths and try to silence the worry coursing through your veins. It is only the psychic link that prevents you from complete panic. If Yoongi’d been harmed or injured — or worse yet, if he was no longer on this plane — you’d know. You’d feel it.

You offer the grain and throw it in the bowl over the designated fire pit. If Yoongi were here, he’d boost the fire and the grain would roast quickly. As he is not, you wait and when it is ready, you take a few grains in your mouth to eat and then leave the rest to burn.

Next, you place the meat on its designated fire pit and again, because Yoongi is not here to manipulate the fire and heat, you have to wait for the meat to cook naturally. When the steak is at about medium rare, you carefully slice a piece and slip it into your mouth. Again, you leave the rest to burn.

You slice a perfectly ripe pear and close your eyes as you consume it, letting its sandy sweetness wash over your tongue. You place the pear in another fire pit and watch the flames consume the fruit, the blaze flaring and sizzling when the juice evaporates.

Lastly, you pour a cup of pomegranate wine that you’d made from last year’s pomegranate crop. You down the whole thing and lick your lips. If Yoongi were here, he would sip the wine first, then take a mouthful and transfer it into yours. After you’d swallow, he would lick any wine that escaped down your chin or neck, and you would do the same for him. You surprise yourself by missing that part of the rite the most. You pour some of the wine into the fire, careful not to douse the flames. Then you pour the rest out onto the ground before the fire.

You look around your surroundings, hoping Yoongi has appeared since the start of the ceremony, but he has not. You walk to the sheepskin, remove the robe, laying it carefully on the grass. Your bare skin breaks out into goosebumps thanks to the chilly air. If Yoongi were here, he would physically warm the air so that neither of you would be cold, but alas, he is not, and so, you shiver.

Your belly churns with nerves, and you lie down on the sheepskin. You feel cold and exposed, and you hate it. You drizzle the clove oil on your fingers. It’s blessedly warm thanks to the spellwork you’d etched on the bottle. You tentatively stroke your belly and the insides of your thighs, working up the courage to touch your core.

Some time passes and you don’t feel any more relaxed or aroused. You are annoyed that you’d never thought to spell in more aphrodisiac-like properties into the oil, but you suppose Yoongi had never complained and you had never particularly seen the need for it.

You check the location of the moon in the sky above you and are dismayed to find that it has risen considerably. You need to get a move on, but you don’t feel any closer to a climax than you did when you’d started. In fact, it’s quite possible you are even less ready.

You reach for the vibrator and though it isn’t unpleasant, it’s not what you need to complete the ritual. The more you press, the more it starts to sting and hurt. You feel the edges of hysteria start and you turn the vibrator off, casting it aside in disgust.

You remind yourself that there is no actual deadline to your orgasm, that as long as someone climaxes, the ritual is complete.

You reach back into your memory for the calming exercises Saanvi had taught you all those years ago to prepare you for your initial consummation practices with Yoongi. You had been a virgin, having never cared to explore sex prior to your duties, and the prospect of your first time being with someone who you were just getting to know did not appeal at all.

You hear Saanvi’s soothing voice tell you to breathe, and so, you do. You inhale a deep breath, hold it for a count of five, and then let it go in a slow whoosh. You repeat the breathing exercise and again hear Saanvi telling you to notice the way your skin feels alive thanks to the cool air. You slowly run your fingers over your arms, your belly, and inner thighs, the light tickle teasing your senses alert.

The memory of Saanvi reminds you to sink into your sensations, to sit and receive versus chase. You lightly rub circles over your erect nipples, the cold already doing most of the work for you. You think of getting massages after a long day, of your muscles relaxing under Yoongi’s expert hands. Though those massages were strictly platonic, the pleasure of relieving tense muscles is still pleasure, and you grasp onto it.

You think of Yoongi’s hands, capable of great feats of elemental magic and yet so gentle, so nimble, so quick. Your thoughts inevitably slip to the rest of Yoongi. You remember his weight on you, how his black hair framed his kind face in artful waves when he fulfilled his duty and pumped into you. You remember the sounds of his and Jimin’s moans, the creaking of his bed and the smacking of lips and skin. You recall the echoes of his orgasm ripping through you, how you’d lain in your bed gasping and sweaty, burning with desire and need.

You reach for the vibrator again, but this time, instead of placing it directly on your clit, you first run the toy along your belly, your nipples, and your thighs. You add more clove oil and glide the vibrator along your folds, careful not to press too hard. You slowly drag the toy closer to your entrance and allow yourself to feel its vibrations deep in your body.

Slowly, ever so slowly, you begin to grind into the buzzing tool in your palm. You feel a tiny build up of discomfort in your gut, and you hope it is the stirrings of desire and not pain. You focus on the growing ache between your thighs and squirm, desperately wanting it to subside in a way that helps rather than hinders your plans.

The more you pay attention to your body’s pleasure, the more your pleasure builds. Your tentative touches become bolder, more assured, and your anticipation builds higher and more urgent. Eventually, you feel as if you are on the edge just waiting to tumble over, except no matter how hard you try, you can’t tip over.

You are so close, and just when you think you might weep from frustration, you feel a tantalizing breeze lick across your forehead, caress down your neck, swirl around your nipples, and then curl deliciously against your core like a breath.

Your eyes flash open and you see Yoongi kneeling on the edge of the sheepskin, sweaty and covered in grease. You open your mouth to protest when he admonishes, “Shhh, you’re doing so well, Y/N.” The gravel in his voice goes straight to your cunt, and you clench around emptiness.

“Yoongi,” you pant as you reach out to him, your hand clasping his thigh. “I can’t —”

“Let me help, Y/N,” he murmurs softly. “I can’t make the offering for us since I haven’t cleansed myself and we’re too close to the lunar peak, but I can help you. Will you let me help you?”

“Yes,” you breathe, “yes.”

Yoongi shifts so that he is sat directly behind where your head lies. He pours clove oil on his hands and before you know it, his rough fingers massage your temples, ears, and neck.

You melt.

He leans down and you smell sweat and engine oil. He kisses down your hairline and then your jawline and his hair tickles your face. Your vibrator is still working steadily near your core and his hands move down your body to massage the area above your breasts and then your actual breasts.

You arch up to proffer him more of you, and Yoongi takes.

He plants kisses down the curve of your belly and his shirt hangs low from the hem, allowing you to look up and see the flat rounds of his nipples and the dusting of dark hair trailing from his belly button into the heavy material of his work pants. When he travels further down your body and stops at your sex, your nose is level with the thick bulge in his pants.

Your mouth aches but you do not move. He has not given you permission to touch him, and so you close your eyes.

The memory of it all falls out of your brain anyway when Yoongi breathes a low breath over where your vibrator is buzzing and you cannot hold in a tremble. His hands slide under your ass and grab, bringing your cunt closer to his face. He mouths wet kisses over your fingers, your labia, and your toy and you cannot bear all the sensation washing over you.

“May I?” he mumbles into the heart of you and when you gasp your consent, he takes the vibrator from your hand and slowly dips it into your center. You arch again and his wet heat closes over your clit.

He is so warm and hot and wet. The busy throbbing of the toy works you open and you have a sudden craving for something thick and long. Your desire coils in your belly and the grunts and whines he pulls from you would be embarrassing except you are so full of feeling, you cannot think enough to be self-conscious.

Yoongi flutters his tongue over the center of your desire a few times before he sucks and slurps so loudly, so juicily, so steadily, that you finally, finally break. He eats you out through the tsunami of endorphins until you push him away, unable to handle any more stimulation.

He plants another kiss on the inside of your knee and rolls to the side. Your immediate instinct is to cover yourself and hide, but before you can, Yoongi wets and warms a washcloth. He gently wipes your thighs and abdomen before he hands it to you to finish cleaning yourself off.

“I’m sorry, I was late, Y/N,” he says hoarsely.

He grabs himself a washcloth and wipes you off his mouth and face.

You sit up and reach for your robe, wrapping it around you. “For a moment, I thought you didn’t want to be my husband anymore. That this was your way of telling me you were stepping down from your position on the council.”

You hear him suck in a breath. “Even if I were still upset, I would never do that to you,” he says quietly.

“I know,” you say sadly. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry I’ve made you doubt my commitment to you and this position. I know I’ve been distant lately,” he says. “At first, it was because I needed space, but then, the harvest and all the extra work our people needed me to help with used up all my energy.”

You pull your robe even tighter and the air around you warms even more. You want to tell Yoongi that it’s okay, that he can release some of his magic because he must be exhausted, but you are wrung out. You allow him to take care of you in this small way. You allow him to make up for his withdrawnness these past few weeks.

“Today’s been the worst day,” he explains even as he’s gotten up and starts clearing the burnt remains in the fire pits. “They needed me to stay late and harvest with magic when one of the combines broke down. Of course, by the time I realized how late it was, I discovered I’d left my phone at home! And then the truck got a bad flat on the way back and somehow, I also got stuck in a ditch and had to first push the blasted thing out.”

You listen, interjecting your small grunts and hums to acknowledge his words. You lean into the familiar rise and falls of his low drawl and somewhere in there, you make a mental note to figure out how to spell his tires without the spellwork fading due to regular wear and tear.

He eventually stops talking and when he does, he gently escorts you back into the cottage, up the stairs, and tucks you into your bed. Alone.

“I promise I’m committed to you, Y/N,” he says quietly. “I get where you were coming from, and I know it must have been so difficult. I’m sorry I couldn’t support you better.”

You can’t decide whether you feel relief or compounded mortification and don’t reply.

Yoongi slips out your door and closes it with a soft click.

It is finally silent, and your mind catches on to what you have done. What you had allowed Yoongi to do to you.

You only know that every consummation in the future will be a mockery. How can you go through the motions of them, lying there bored and focused on the solemnity of the event until Yoongi spills into you when you now know how it could be?

You feel betrayed by your body, this same form you’ve embodied and had never been able to coax into a climax remotely close to what Yoongi did tonight.

You feel robbed.

You are a husk. A hollowed out facsimile of who you used to be.

You pull your covers over your head, curl into yourself, and cry.

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Yoongi staggers to the bathroom and efficiently strips himself. He stares at the hard-on he’s had since the moment he stumbled upon you splayed out in the clearing, close to coming but not able to get there on your own. He gets under the stinging hot water and slides a palm around his length as he closes his eyes. All he can think of is how you tasted, the slight sting of the clove oil on his tongue. He strokes himself to the memory of your softness under him, of your wanton mewls, and the echo of your climax reverberating down your psychic link.

Yoongi comes in thick, white ropes. The water sluices his release down the drain, the only evidence of his orgasm residing in his muddled, pheromone-high brain.

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When Yoongi heads to his truck the next morning after a hurried breakfast, he finds you squatting by his spare tire. You are writing in a very tiny, careful script with a fine-point Sharpie pen.

“I’m just going to replace the tire when I get into town,” he says, amused.

Without skipping a beat, you say, “Then this will take you into town safely. You know spare tires are spindly and worthless little things.”

“Hmmm,” he hums, “just so.” His heart aches in a queer sort of way as he watches you finish up the spell, stand up, and dust off your bottom.

“All set,” you say.

He grumbles his thanks and hops in the cab, settles his bag on the passenger side of the bench, and drives off. He does not understand why he keeps glancing back in the rear view mirror until you finally make your way inside.

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The days pass quickly. Yoongi’s life is an endless cycle of sleeping, eating, and working. His body is spent and so is his magic. He makes marginally more effort to get home early or text you updates throughout the day, but mostly, his mind is consumed with the physical work of harvesting and storing crops.

When the harvest festival finally comes and goes, Yoongi sleeps for a week straight.

Again, he has bleary memories of food and drink magically appearing by his bedside and the emptied dishes magically disappearing when he’s done. He knows the magic is you.

Even in the haze of sleep and rest, his depleted brain tries very hard to make him realize that the quiet ways you care for him should have made your love for him obvious from the start. In his rare moments of lucidity, he wonders if the way he cares for you is also love — and if it is, if it’s the same sort.

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“Are you getting up today or do you need one more day of being completely unconscious?” you ask from Yoongi’s doorway.

“Why?” he croaks as he barely lifts his head from his pillow, “do you need me to open a jar for you or something?”

“As if I need your help for things,” you scoff and then immediately color.

“Hmmmm,” he hums thoughtfully. He thumps his face back on the bed. His mind flashes to that night, of your slick body spread underneath the moonlight, of your desperate need and his offer to help.

You seem acutely embarrassed. “That doesn’t count,” you sputter.

“Cute,” he replies, gently teasing.

Yoongi doesn’t know why he goads you except that your scowl is all the reason he needs.

You tug at the frayed edge of your old sweater, which now that he thinks about it, seems awfully familiar. He thinks it’s one of his that went missing last fall.

“Is that my sweater?” he asks.

“What?” you stammer. “No! This is mine!”

Yoongi sits up, his blankets a mess around him. He squints and peers closer. “No, I’m pretty sure that’s my sweater. I’ve been looking for it.”

You peek down and lift your arms to examine the sweater more closely. “Oh, I suppose it might have belonged to you at one point.” You shift cagily. “Weird.”

“What else of my clothing do you want to steal?” He grins lazily. “Don’t think that I don’t know you also have my favorite pair of flannel pajama pants.”

This time, your expression is absolutely one of guilt.

Yoongi has a flash of mischief. He stretches and doesn’t miss the way your eyes drink him in. Then he pulls off his sleep shirt and throws it at you. “This one’s for free,” he says as he gets out of bed and stalks toward you.

He’s not even a little bit ashamed when you bolt down the hall to your room and slam the door.

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Yoongi’s cackles follow you into your room even as you are desperately trying to banish the images of his bare chest, his strength rippling under his skin. He isn’t buff or hugely muscular by any means, but he is broad and strong and solid.

He is safe. He is secure.

He is a menace.

For a moment, you wonder if he’s mocking you for loving him and needing his help that night, except that seems completely out of character. Instead, you choose to believe that it is his way of signaling to you that your feelings are okay.

Yoongi may not return them, but he’s comfortable with it — and he wants you to be comfortable with it, too.

You sniff his shirt. It is still warm from his body and smells of sweat, earth, and whatever is ineffably Yoongi.

He is a gift.

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“I’m sorry about earlier, Y/N,” Yoongi says as he clomps down the stairs.

You look up from your book. You are sprawled over the couch in the family room, trying to grab the sunny spot before it disappears and you have to turn on a light.

“What exactly are you sorry for?” you ask as you arrange yourself in a less dissolute position.

Yoongi sits down next to you on the sage green sofa. “For teasing you, I guess. About, you know,” he falters.

Apparently he can pester you but he can’t talk about it straight on. Interesting. You decide that you can be an adult about it. Especially if it will make him squirm more than you expected.

“About being in love with you or about you giving me an assist during the harvest moon consummation?” You tamp down your own need to squirm. You don’t enjoy talking about this in the open, but perhaps if you act as if it’s no big deal, Yoongi won’t bring it up anymore.

Yoongi unexpectedly lowers his face into his palms like he is shy all of a sudden. “Um, the ‘in love’ bit,” he replies. “The other night was to help you fulfill our duties. It was my fault for being so late anyway. Truthfully, you were covering for me.”

“That is true,” you say as if you’re considering his point (and you are). “But you were also fulfilling your obligations,” you add charitably.

“Look, I know I reacted poorly at first,” Yoongi expresses, “but at the time, it was all mixed up with Jimin in my mind.”

To your surprise, Yoongi’s words no longer feel accusatory. You don’t know if that is growth on his part or yours. Maybe both.

“And now?”

Yoongi flashes a bashful smile — a heady contrast to his smirky, cocky confidence from before. “Now, well, now I think it’s sweet.” He pushes up the sleeves of his black long sleeve tee and you can’t help but admire his corded forearms. “I keep thinking how I would have wanted Jimin to react to my loving him, and I think even if he didn’t love me back, I would’ve wanted him to be a good sport about it.”

“Yes, that’s what we would all hope for, our beloved being a good sport,” you intone dryly.

Yoongi shoots you a pointed look. “Well, obviously, we want them to love us back, but we can’t control how people feel.”

You hear the dual apology and warning in his words. “Do you still love him?”

“Sometimes, I think I do.” Yoongi shifts in his seat. “And sometimes, I think I love a memory and not the reality of him. We don’t talk as much as we used to, and I know marriage with Taehyung has changed him.”

“He’s different, but he’s still our Jimin,” you say, trying to comfort Yoongi. “Maybe the core of who you love is still there, but he just manifests differently.”

Yoongi leans forward slightly and then crinkles his brow. “I suppose you’re right.” He stands and his sleeves fall past his wrists. You try not to watch as he combs his fingers through his hair. “At any rate, I know how precious loving someone can be. And telling them you love them is entrusting them with a part of your heart.”

You quirk your head. He is perplexing. “I’m not quite sure what you’re trying to say, Yoongi,” you admit.

Yoongi rakes his fingers through his hair again, a little frustrated and, you think, also a little sheepishly. “I just mean that it means something to me, that you love me. That you trusted me enough to tell me.”

“Oh.” You feel your cheeks heat. You want to look away even as you’re not sure if you can.

“I’ll try to be worthy of your love is all,” he mutters, “to not betray your trust.”

“That — that’s actually really sweet of you.”

He muffles a curse. “Jesus, I’m not a monster, Y/N,” he grumbles and then asks, “what are you in the mood for for dinner?” as if that’s the end of that. At your shrug, he merely mentions he’ll think of something, and then he disappears into the kitchen.

You try to resume your reading, but the sun has moved and you know you should get up to turn on a light. Instead, you shift to the window and look out, wondering what Yoongi thought of when he used to sit here waiting for Jimin.

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Yoongi has been incepted.

That’s the only explanation he can think of even though he knows his favorite movie is merely a work of fiction. Even if such a thing were possible via magic, it would go against so many ethical tenets about autonomy and agency that there is no way the Witches’ Council would ever approve of such a thing.

Nevertheless, he cannot think of another reason why he is suddenly obsessed with you. At first, he thinks it’s because he’s never had someone love him (shocking as that is — the world is full of people with exceedingly bad taste). Then, he thinks it’s because he’s just trying to figure out how to be mindful of your feelings with his actions (he has a lot to make up for). And now, well, now he thinks it’s because you’re adorable.

He’s not sure why he never noticed. Yoongi attributes it to the unfortunate byproduct of living and working together for so long. He has taken you for granted and stopped seeing you as you are. He wonders what else about your work and personal relationship he’s taken for granted (your choice to cede ritual completion to him, for instance).

He wonders if love can manifest differently, feel differently, inhabit his body differently depending on the person he loves. He does not know. He has only ever loved Jimin, but maybe, maybe he has loved you, too. Maybe it was too quiet and soft for him to notice, like the light of a distant star in the sky next to the full moon.

He decides that it’s time to see if a distant star can become his sun.

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“Hey, Y/N,” Yoongi says at dinner about a week before the winter solstice. “I want to try something new for the upcoming consummation.”

You look up from the gaeng ped gai faktong you’ve been shoveling into your mouth. After the day you’ve had, the hearty Thai red curry with chicken and pumpkin is perfect and comforting.

“What? Why?” as you continue eating.

If you’re honest, nothing is more boring than the quarterly consummation duties and other than your out of character breakdown right after the last one, you have given very little thought to it. (Mostly because you’ve been busy, and why brood over what you can’t have?)

Yoongi eats a spoonful of curry and rice and wiggles in happiness. “The last time made me realize that we need contingencies in place in case one of us is indisposed again.”

You level him a look. “Stop being oblique, Yoongi,” you say. You set down your spoon. “We both know that if I’m not available, you won’t have an issue.”

“Ok, fine,” Yoongi sighs. “You’re right. I most likely won’t.” He also sets his spoon down and props his chin on his palm. His fingers tap his cheek. “I just didn’t want you to feel singled out because even though it seems as if it’s your problem, it’s not. It’s our joint concern.”

You cock an eyebrow at him. “I don’t see how it can be anything other than my problem. I’m the one who has difficulty achieving orgasm.”

You are proud of yourself for how matter-of-fact you sound about this, but inside, you want to scream. You know Yoongi is not trying to humiliate you, and technically, this falls within the bounds of work-related performance. He is right to plan for the future in this manner. You just wish it doesn’t make you feel somewhat worthless when it generally doesn’t bother you at all.

“Well, we’ve always gone about it in a rather clinical sort of way,” Yoongi says reasonably. “I can’t imagine that to be very conducive to getting off.”

“You always seem to manage,” you grumble.

Yoongi winks at you. “I do have a rather vivid imagination,” he rejoins, “but it would be a lot easier even for me if we went about it differently.”

You feel awful. “I didn’t realize it was so terrible for you.”

Your husband reaches out and grabs your hand. “Y/N,” he intones gently, “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. It really isn’t your fault. Your body is your body and it responds the way it responds. I think most people wouldn’t enjoy our consummations much — and if they did, they would most certainly be the male.”

He squeezes your hand in comfort.

“Besides,” he continues, “how come you aren’t upset at me for not making the experience more pleasurable for you? Why are you only focusing on what you perceive as your body’s failure when it is equally mine for not helping?”

You are at a loss for words. “I — I don’t know,” you finally say. “I guess I never really gave it much thought. And since I’ve never particularly wanted to have consummations with other people, I figured it was me.”

“Well, you clearly are capable of being the one to complete the ritual. I think we just need to practice.”

Yoongi states this so nonchalantly that you almost agree. And then, you recall him begging to sleep with you because he’d had a string of unsatisfactory relations.

“Wait, this isn’t because your sexual activities have yielded less than favorable outcomes is it?” you probe.

Hurt flashes across Yoongi’s face. “Y/N, you told me you didn’t want to do that, and I respect your boundaries. I don’t need to trick you to sleep with me.” He withdraws his hand and yours now feels too empty. “I meant that we could try new approaches during our quarterly consummations.”

“Oh,” you reply. You don’t know why you are slightly disappointed, but you don’t stop to overanalyze it. “I suppose that would be alright, although we’ll have to do our best with the timing.”

“There is no restriction on how many orgasms we have, just that it’s better to culminate near the apex of the moon,” Yoongi reasons. “We’ll figure it out.”

You think Yoongi is a touch too optimistic, but you don’t mention it. He changes the subject to the winter festival you’re in the midst of planning (there really are too many festivals but you suppose celebrating and gratefulness are good for town morale), and you fall back into the rhythm of discussing less consummation-related aspects of your work.

Later, as the night winds down and you are both heading upstairs to your respective rooms, he says, “Oh, one more thing.”

“Hmmm?” you hum, mind only on taking a shower and then collapsing into bed. “What’s that?”

“We may want to consider letting our guards around our psychic link drop during the consummation,” he says. “I’ve read that it may help.”

Your mind harkens back to the times Yoongi has lost control — even for mere seconds — and how it left your body roaring with desire. You swallow. “Oh, sure,” you say, even though you feel vulnerable just thinking about it. “I guess we can do that.”

As if he can read your thoughts, he appends, “But only if you are comfortable doing so, Y/N.” He pauses by your door as you head into your room. “It can just be me opening the link, too, or neither of us.”

“How will you opening your link help me if you’re not really getting anything out of it?” you ask as you mindlessly fix your bed covers.

“Oh, trust me,” he chuckles from your doorway, and you can’t help but be drawn to him. “I’ll get plenty out of it.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so. Giving you pleasure will give me pleasure,” he says, laughter still laced in his tone. “Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

You mumble a “good night” and get ready to shower. Your skin tingles and feels hot, as does your heart. No matter that you are apprehensive, you cannot bring yourself to regret.

.

.

.

.

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When the day of winter consummation finally arrives, you wake up feeling out of sorts. Your tummy will not settle and you keep running to the bathroom to pee or poop. You are glad that Yoongi is out most of the morning and won’t return until the early afternoon for a late lunch.

You occupy yourself with administrative duties for the town and when that no longer effectively distracts you, you lock yourself in the workroom and decide to clean and calibrate all your spell-making tools. When that is done, you inventory your pantries to make sure you’re all stocked for both cooking and potion brewing.

And so, your day passes until your alarm sounds around 5pm. You swing by the kitchen to eat a light supper with Yoongi, and then, before you know it, it’s time to prepare.

“You ready, Y/N?” Yoongi asks after you’ve finished clearing and washing the dishes.

You swallow and nod. “Yeah.”

Yoongi smiles softly at you. “At any point you feel uncomfortable, we can stop. I can just finish the rite on my own like we discussed.”

“I know.” You shudder in a deep breath and then let it loose slowly. “I trust you.”

“This means a lot to me, you know,” he murmurs. He reaches a hand out to you, palm up, and you put your hand in his. “I’ve drawn the bath. Come.”

You follow him into the bathroom and though you’ve done the bathing and anointing by yourself for the last fifteen or so years, you are nervous. You are grateful that despite the cottage being small, the bathroom can comfortably accommodate you both. There is a double sink vanity with ample counter space by the door, a tiny shower stall with clear glass panels, a toilet in the corner, and a giant cast iron clawfoot tub taking pride of place.

Yoongi has already filled the old tub with hot water and the scents of sandalwood, geranium, and ylang ylang fill your nostrils. Your special robes are folded on a wooden stool nearby and freshly washed towels are stacked on another.

You are about to remove your clothing when Yoongi stops you and merely says, “Please. Let me.”

He enters your space and lightly brushes your hair from your forehead. He taps your chin so that you meet his gaze. He runs his fingers down then up your arms and back down your torso before hooking them under the hem of your favorite sweatshirt. He smirks when he realizes that this, too, used to be his.

(Very well, you may have a problem with stealing — though you prefer to see it as reappropriating. Yoongi has a shopping problem, and you are merely helping him keep his closet clutter-free.)

Yoongi begins to lift your sweatshirt and you raise your arms to assist him. What you don’t realize is that he has also pulled off the long sleeve tee you have on underneath it as well. You don’t know why the reality of you standing in a bra and leggings in front of your husband has you off-kilter.

“You okay?” he checks, and you assure him that you are fine.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before,” you insist.

“That’s true,” he replies, “but I don’t know that I’ve truly looked. You deserve someone to take you in with intention.”

You roll your eyes at the cheesiness of his line, but you also allow his words to seep into your heart just a tiny bit. (You would chastise yourself, except you tell yourself this is for your actual job.)

Yoongi leans slightly against the sinks and pulls you in closer between his legs. He reaches behind you, efficiently unhooking your bra. The straps slide down your arms and they tickle your skin as he pulls it down and places it on top of your discarded garments.

“Wait,” you say, and Yoongi’s fingers hover at your waist. “I want to see you, too.”

Yoongi’s mouth crooks in pleased confidence and spreads his arms, bracing them on the counter behind him. “Have at it then.”

You smooth your hand up his stomach and chest and begin to unbutton his yellow and black checkered flannel shirt. When you’re done, he shrugs out of the sleeves and tosses his shirt on top of your clothes. Yoongi’s white heattech undershirt hugs his torso tightly, the contours of his pecs and stomach filling it out nicely while you can just see a hint of the dark brown of his nipples through the material. You unceremoniously tug his undershirt up and pull it over his head.

“Oh,” you breathe even though this, too, is not the first time you’ve seen your husband naked. You cannot resist running your fingers lightly down the trail of fine, black hair down to the low-slung waistband of his joggers.

Yoongi draws in a sharp breath.

Your eyes flit to his. You have never seen his eyes quite so black or gaze so focused. You wonder if this is how he used to look at Jimin. You decide to ask.

“Is this how you used to look at Jimin?”

Yoongi places his large hands around your waist and strokes at your skin idly. “Oh, Y/N, I’m just getting started,” he rasps, both not answering and answering your question at the same time. “May I?” he asks as his fingers start dragging down your leggings.

“Please,” you reply evenly. (It takes great effort, but you manage.)

He first rolls your leggings and panties down your thighs and then kneels so he can finish taking them off. When he slips them off along with your socks (he really is very efficient at skipping steps), his face is level with your mound. His eyes flick first to your sex and then to your gaze. His tongue slips out and then slips back in. His lower lip is shiny with spit.

He slinks back up into a standing position and is about to pull his own joggers off when he instead quirks a brow at you. “Your turn,” he says, like a challenge.

The nerve.

You follow his example and drag down his joggers and black boxer briefs as you sink to your knees. You also pull them off along with his socks and when you dare to look up, you are confronted with his cock right at your face. He’s still mostly soft, but you suppose there is plenty of time before the ritual. You do not take it personally. You know you are nowhere near the main event yet.

You stand back up and make more room between you two so you can take in Yoongi in all his naked glory. His shoulders are broad, his arms are strong, his stomach is flat, and his legs are lean. Yoongi is also drinking you in, his gaze heavy and hot as it trails from your head down to your toes and back up again.

“Come,” he says again, grabbing your hand.

He lifts a leg and climbs into the tub. He settles in and steam rises from the water. He lifts both his hands and runs them through his long, dark locks. They leave his hair damp, and your belly stirs.

“Come on, Y/N,” he repeats, “the water is just right.”

You think this is a bit overdone, but you join him in the giant basin anyway. Your instinct is to sit on the opposite end and face him, but you soon realize that there isn’t a way to do that comfortably. You settle for using him as an armchair, unused to such closeness in such a tight confine.

Yoongi grabs a bathing sponge and squeezes warm water down the back of your neck. You feel your skin prinkle into goosebumps and resist the urge to shiver. He takes the cake of ceremonial soap and lathers the sponge then begins to gently and firmly rub the skin of your shoulders, arms, neck, and back.

You feel the skin of his chest and belly against your back as he leans forward and continues to slather soapy circles at your decolletage, on your stomach and around your breasts, lightly abrading your nipples. You don’t mean to gasp, but you do. Though you don’t hear him laugh, you can feel the light shake in his body and the smug content he allows to travel through your connection.

“Is this alright?” he asks, and you know he is not asking about the physical touch but the psychic one.

“It is,” you reply, the warmth of the bath and the heat radiating from Yoongi’s body putting you at ease.

His mouth is by your ear and pleasure slinks down your spine. “Good,” he murmurs. He adds more soap and then lowers his hands below the water line, softly scrubbing your thighs and only lightly brushing your sex.

You are shocked at the sudden thrill that shoots through your gut from that tiny contact alone.

“Shhhh,” Yoongi shushes, his wet mouth still at your neck, so close to your ear. The sensation is delicious and you draw up your legs to allow him easier access.

You get so lost in the sensations of him washing you that you lose track of time. The fact that Yoongi can keep the water at the same temperature with his magic contributes to that floating feeling. When he holds your hands in his to help wash himself, you are practically boneless. You are certain you’re not doing anything for Yoongi except the curling warmth of arousal pulsing down from Yoongi’s link tells you otherwise.

All too soon (or is it too long), Yoongi nudges you to stand up. The cool air hits your body and your skin awakens after being lulled to sleep. He holds out a fluffy gray towel, pats you dry, and then does the same for himself.

“Sit,” he says, indicating the wooden stool the towels were resting on and fetches the clary sage infused anointing oil.

You feel him drip the oil on your back and shoulders and are surprised when he massages it into your skin rather than just spreading it with his hands. When he is done, he stands naked in front of you, reverently drizzling the oil on your chest. You note that he is no longer quite so soft. You watch as his hands, so strong and veiny, caress your breasts, thumb your nipples, and smooth over your abdomen. You watch as he finishes applying the oil to your thighs, legs, and feet, and you realize that the curl of arousal in your gut is no longer just his.

Yoongi hands you the ginseng infused anointing oil to you and you try your best to mimic what he did earlier for you. His skin is smooth and hot under your palms. You wonder why you had never thought to touch him before during your consummations and think you can get used to this new way of doing things. His arms and legs are hard with muscle and you find yourself stunned that you find even the dark hair on his legs attractive.

When you’re done, you both don your robes and go downstairs to carry the previously set aside grain, meat, fruit, wine, and other ceremonial paraphernalia. You feel as if in a dream except even in your dreams, you have never imagined such a sensual evening.

Yoongi clears a path in the light snow to the ceremonial area. From the look of it, he had gone out earlier in the day to clean and arrange the fire pits in a circle. Yoongi flicks his hands and a low fire alights in the bronze bowls. He pauses at the edge of the circle and turns to you.

“Do you want the ground to be damp dirt or snow?” he asks. “I can make the dirt less wet, but it will take some time.”

You know from experience that though snow is easier for him now, the wetness will seep into the sheepskins much faster than the slightly wet earth. (You could spell the sheepskins, but tradition dictates that they are not. Something about being closer to nature or whatever nonsense.) “Dirt, please.”

“As you wish,” Yoongi says and turns back to the circle.

He focuses and with a few compact and purposeful gestures reminiscent of martial arts (though martial arts were initially derived from elemental witches), the snow in the center of the ring is cleared. You think he even removes some of the moisture from the top layer of earth, but it’s only a little bit.

He was always an overachiever.

You lay down multiple sheepskins and thick blankets. Even though Yoongi will likely warm some of the air around you, you try to make life a little bit easier for him if you can. You set down the washcloths, the warmed oil, the water, and Yoongi readies the offerings.

“Ready?” he asks, and you reply, “Yes.”

Yoongi offers the grain and then throws it into its designated fire pit. He warms the grain quickly and when it’s done roasting, he gathers a few grains in his hand and instead of eating it himself, he brings it to your lips.

“Open,” he suggests. In the low light of the fire, his eyes seem completely black.

You open and his fingers touch your lips as you eat the grain from his hand. He looks at you expectantly so you follow his lead, gather some grains and lift your hand to feed him. His lips part and when he mouths the offering from your fingertips, his lips are wet and you remember them on your cunt.

When he throws the rest of the grain on the brazier to be consumed, you are warm not only because of the flames.

The offering of the meat goes in much the same way. Yoongi sears the meat in the bronze bowl, slices the steak and feeds you by hand. When you return the offering to him, his tongue slips out to lick your fingers. You are so surprised, you almost drop the meat onto the ground. The self-satisfied grin he flashes you stokes the tiny fire that he’s lit in your depths. You will yourself not to look away.

You bring out the persimmons and though you personally prefer them when they’re crisp, Yoongi has chosen ones that are so ripe, the skin almost falls off. You presume he does so because they’re decadent and incredibly sweet. This time, you offer him a slice of persimmon first, the juice running down your fingers and wrist. You expect him to lick your fingers again, but you do not expect him to start licking from your wrist. He sucks the fleshy fruit from your fingers and a shot of desire flares from your cunt to your belly. Though you have not shared your link to him, Yoongi looks as if he knows.

He feeds you your portion and you are not nearly as shameless, but you want to be. You toss the rest of the persimmon into the fire and when Yoongi twirls his fingers to burn the offering faster, you think of his fingers inside you and you long for this part of the ceremony to be over.

Yoongi pours a chalice of ice wine and sips it, licking his lips. After he takes another mouthful, he pulls you in close and kisses you with an open mouth, pushing the wine into your mouth with his tongue. The fact that he thrusts his tongue into your awaiting mouth and doesn’t stop forces you to swallow around him. The guttural moan he makes combined with the flood of pleasure he sends down his connection to you drags a reciprocal moan from you.

Your senses are alight and though you know the air is cold, your body burns.

Yoongi pours some of the ice wine in the fire pit and then empties the bottle into the earth. When he is done, he reaches for your hand once again.

“Come, Y/N,” he says, his eyes intense, and for the first time, you are excited for what comes next.

He leads you to the pile of sheepskins and blankets and quirks his head as if asking permission to remove your robe. You assent and he does so, removing his own as well. You feel the air warm around you (but not before the first frisson of the winter air kisses your skin). He lowers you carefully onto the coverings. Through your shared connection, you feel his desire for you and though you also feel desire — feel it envelop you in its grip — you also feel wonder.

“Still okay with this?” he asks, his body and lips hovering over yours.

You reach for his face and cup his jaw in your hand. “I am,” you say.

You don’t know if you pull him towards you or if he lowers himself of his own accord, but the next thing you know, he is kissing you full on the mouth. His lips taste like sweet ice wine. You can’t recall the last time you were kissed let alone this hungrily. He nips, he soothes, he sucks and at his insistence, you open. He licks into your mouth, his tongue exploring the hidden hollows of your mouth. You think you could kiss him forever.

You feel one of his rough hands palm and knead your breasts, his thumb flicking your nipple lazily. He kisses up your jawline and licks into your ear, nibbles on your earlobe, and breathes hot and heavy at the curve of your neck.

“So sweet, Y/N,” he mouths, “you taste so sweet. Could taste you forever.”

Your first instinct is to retort that it’s the ice wine he’s tasting, except when he moves his hand to your neck — not to choke or hurt you — but to hold you still, to splay your throat beneath him, your brain can’t form words.

Yoongi prowls down your body, his mouth devouring your throat, your collarbones, your decolletage. Wherever you have skin, his mouth and tongue licks and kisses, leaving a trail of hot saliva that cools immediately. When he surrounds your breast with that same mouth and tongue, you arch more fully into him. He suckles you and when the ravening hunger comes down the link, you can’t believe it’s for you.

“Yoongi,” you gasp. You want. You grasp his head between your hands and press him lower, the memory of him suctioning on your heated core spurring you on.

You feel his amusement both through your connection and from the light shaking huffs of his body as he continues kissing down your torso, finally advancing to the heart of your need.

Just before he reaches your sex, Yoongi looks up. His eyes are so blown. “Is this where you wanted me?” he rasps. He flicks his tongue on your clit and your hips jerk. “Is this what you wanted?” He blows lightly over your heat and you almost cry.

“Yes,” you beg, “yes, Yoongi, yes.”

“You sure?”

You see him pull his mouth into a smug little half smile and suddenly, you are wild for him. You don’t know what comes over you, but you grab his hair and steer his face into your center. “Please,” you plead. “Please, Yoongi, please.”

You can tell by the quirk of his eyebrows that Yoongi is amused, but you don’t care. You let loose your guards, allowing your desperation to pulse through your being and into his. This time when Yoongi smiles, it is pure joy, stripped of swagger and stunting.

“As you command,” he croons and proceeds to swipe the flat of his tongue up over your slit.

Yoongi spreads you with his hands and eats you like the sweetest of peaches, like the ripest of papayas. His grunts and groans vibrate against your entrance and when he tongues you, all hot and slippery between your folds, you fist the blankets beneath you. He feasts and you writhe, eager and willing.

He delves his quick and clever tongue deep into you and noses your tight cluster of nerves until finally, your blood boils and you burst, Yoongi’s name tearing from your lips.

“Fuck,” Yoongi moans as he slurps up your release. “I’ve been dreaming about this since the harvest moon,” he says as he kisses back up your body.

You know better than to trust his words. You know he’s been on a mission to seduce you and wring pleasure from your body. “You don’t have to say that, Yoongi,” you say. “You’ve already gotten an orgasm from me — although the moon isn’t high enough yet. I suppose we started too early.”

“When have I ever said things just to say it, Y/N?” Yoongi peppers soft kisses along your face. “I said I’ve been thinking about how your pussy tastes for months, and I meant it.” His fingers smooth down your brows and the slope of your nose. He kisses you again and you taste yourself on him, slightly sharp but mostly neutral with a hint of metal.

“And now that you’ve had it again?” you can’t help but ask.

Yoongi sucks on your lower lip and spears his tongue into your mouth again. “Now that I’ve had a taste, I’m going to go crazy waiting until the next consummation.”

You giggle. “Surely it doesn’t always feel like that?”

Yoongi hums as he nuzzles and fondles your breasts. You can’t quite believe he’s still touching you, but you suppose he still has yet to find his release. There is still the ritual to complete and the moon is starting to close in on its highest position.

“Not always,” he replies, busying himself as if he wants to map all the hills and valleys of your body. “Sometimes it’s better. Sometimes, less so.” He nips the curve of your waist and you cry out in surprise. “That’s the fun of it. It’s different every time.”

“Is that why our consummations aren’t fun for you? They’re the same every time?”

Yoongi sits up and you mourn the loss of his physical attentions. He hands you a bottle of water, and you prop yourself up to drink it more easily.

“They weren’t fun because they felt so sterile,” Yoongi explains. “It was just another duty to perform, like filling out a form or attending a council meeting.”

“It sounds so antiseptic when you say that.”

“Isn’t it how we usually go about it?” he asks, his voice warm against your skin.

“What just happened doesn’t feel antiseptic,” you say with wonder. “It felt alive.” You swallow. “I felt alive.”

Yoongi smiles a true smile, gummy and adoring, and you feel such love and affection come through your link. You are momentarily nonplussed when you notice the love, but you think perhaps it’s the platonic sort.

“I think that’s how the ritual is supposed to feel,” he muses. “I used to think it was nothing but a tradition — that it’s just symbolic. But now, I hope I’m wrong. I hope that feeling of being alive transmutes the ritual into a deeper magic.”

Again, you feel that pulse of love travel down the link from Yoongi to you. You’re not sure if Yoongi realizes his guard is still down, except he’s a meticulous sort. He definitely knew what he was doing when he opened his connection to you. He is not the type to forget such an asset.

You decide to be brave and send out a pulse of your own. You are rewarded with another smile from Yoongi, all fond and tender at the edges.

“What changed?” you ask, knowing that Yoongi will know what you mean.

You suddenly feel shy and a retroactive solidarity with Yoongi about how bashful he’d seemed regarding your feelings for him. You realize he was right: someone loving you is a precious, fragile thing. You don’t know if you are worthy. You don’t know if you can satisfy him — and you really, really want to.

“I thought love was like a wildfire, hot and consuming everything in its path. Instead, it’s socks that stay warm and dry in the winter and my mother’s kimchi jjigae on the stove.”

You push him lightly on the shoulder. “Did you just compare our love to your socks?” You chuckle at his expense even though you know exactly what he means.

“I did,” he admits. “It’s not very romantic, is it?” Yoongi shakes his head ruefully. “Your love covers me wherever I go, Y/N. You’re the interstices of my life, like your spellwork and wards, protecting me and easing my life. Hidden until something breaks to expose its inner workings.”

Yoongi lies down beside you and pulls you into his arms. You go so easily.

“Our love is quiet. You and I are quiet,” he says, “and for the longest time, I couldn’t see it because I thought love was only loud. I thought it should disrupt my life — that love would shine so bright, I had to shield my eyes from the glare.”

You lean your head against his chest and listen to the steady beating of his heart. Yoongi is wrong. His love is so loud. It beats so strong, you can hear nothing else.

You suppose you can both be right.

“I love you, Yoongi,” you say softly.

“I know,” he replies. “I finally recognized it as a mirror of my own.”

“You can just say it, you know,” you grumble. “It doesn’t have to be all warm breakfasts and subtle gestures.”

He turns to face you. “I love you, Y/N,” Yoongi says, not quite looking you in the eye. He’s staring at a spot just to the left of your gaze, but you’ll forgive him. (It gives you something to tease him about later.)

You brush his black hair back from his forehead and kiss him. “It’s getting near the time for optimal ritual completion.”

Yoongi laughs. “If you want me to see if I can try for a second orgasm from you, just tell me.”

“That’s — that’s not what I meant!” you cry indignantly. “I’m not greedy.”

He shifts you so that you are now more on top of him than not. He pulls you towards him and kisses you. “Maybe you should be.”

Yoongi reaches for the clove oil and pours some on his hand and then yours. He brings your hand to his length, still so hard from before. You find it amazing that he has been unflagging this whole time.

“Maybe you should take me and take from me,” he husks, his voice straining as you inexpertly handle him.

His large hand guides your own and he shows you how tightly he wants you wrapped around him. Yoongi’s breathing gets harder even as his member does the same. Even as he’s guiding you, he doesn’t stop kissing you, his lips molding yours to his, as if you are his very food and breath.

You accidentally graze his balls as you’re stroking him and he jerks. “Shit” he hisses, “do that again.”

You fondle his balls again as he continues pumping into his own hand. Though all he is doing is kissing you, the feedback you’re getting from his side of the link is also stoking your own desires. And then, you realize you are getting wet again. It is as Yoongi said: pleasing him also pleases you.

“You up for riding me?” he entreats.

You straddle him and line him to your entrance in lieu of answering. Though you haven’t tried this position before, you find that your body knows what to do. You sink down on him slowly, not wanting to hurt him. In doing so, you feel the bulbous head of his cock nudge into you, stretching and sliding one delicious inch after another.

You feel so full, like he is deep in your guts.

Yoongi’s face is scrunched in concentration, tiny beads of sweat forming at his hairline. His lower lip is caught between his teeth, and for the first time, you realize how much power you have over him. All these years, you’d thought the rite was about him spilling his seed in you, like the farmer sowing the earth. When all this time, it was the earth actively receiving, cradling and nourishing what the farmer gave her.

“You all sorted?” he grits out through clenched teeth.

You laugh breathlessly. “Yeah, I’m sorted.”

“Thank fuck. Please, baby, I need you to move.”

And so you move. You hear the slick squelch of your bodies melding along with Yoongi’s pants and low curses. He has one hand on your waist guiding you and the other kneading your breast and twisting your nipple. His tongue peeks out of his mouth and every now and then, you hear him mutter, “like that” or “take it” as he thrusts up into you.

You think you’ve got the hang of it but you’re nowhere near an orgasm like you had been earlier. Some of your anxiety must leak through your connection because Yoongi moves his hand from your waist to where the two of you are joined. Slowly, his thumb presses low circles in conjunction with his other hand flicking your nipple.

“Look at me, baby,” he grunts. “Let me in.”

You open up your connection fully and not only do you feel your own growing arousal from how he’s playing you, you feel the sensations of your cunt sliding over his cock, the ache in his balls, the coil in his gut. You feel how Yoongi is steadily losing his control, how much he loves you and longs to please you, how wild and delectable you are riding him.

The more you feel your coupling from his point of view, the more you relax and lose yourself in the process. You undulate your hips in an instinctual rhythm and soon, you are close.

“Yoongi,” you implore, “Yoongi, please.”

He shifts his angle just a bit under you and plants both his feet on the ground behind you and thrusts with all his might. You feel every bit of his cock sliding in and then out, in and then out, deeper and deeper up into your cunt. His thumb swirls your mess around your throbbing clit and you brace your hands on his chest.

You want to burst from your skin — not only from your own senses but from his, too. By now, thanks to your link, you are not sure where you end and he begins, and it doesn’t matter because one of you — no, both of you — are coming. You hear the flames in the surrounding braziers blaze higher and crackle, the sudden flare heating the air around you. It is the crash of waves against a cliff, an onslaught of winds in a storm, the silence of deep night and the pounding of your pulse.

You sob his name and yours is a prayer on his tongue.

Yoongi kisses you as if you are the only person in the world and you relish his insistent tongue, his disrespectful teeth, his decadent lips. He kisses you until you both calm down, the first rush of oxytocin dissipating in your blood.

“See?” Yoongi chuckles as you slump over him. He kisses your temples and your hair and smoothes his hands down your sweaty back. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“I think I’ve been my own worst enemy all these years. I don’t know how you were able to get that out of me so easily,” you say.

“Shhhh,” he mutters even as he captures your lips with his own once more. You’re beginning to think sex for Yoongi isn’t even about physical pleasure so much as it is about an intimate connection. “Even if it takes longer or isn’t easy, your enjoyment is worth the time it takes. You are worth exploring.”

“What if this is not a replicable feat?” you ask, worry rushing back in now that the afterglow is starting to recede.

Yoongi captures your gaze. “Then it’s not a replicable feat,” he says seriously, “and I’ll do whatever I can to make it as gratifying for you as possible even then. You’re not a machine, to perform at whatever whims our job necessitates.”

“All the same, we should still practice outside of our duties — like we used to,” you say slyly.

Your husband grins, crooked and a bit too cocky for your taste, but you suppose he wears it well. “As you say, Y/N. As you say.”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Yoongi wakes up, his back aching and eyes squinting at how high the sun is now in the sky. You clearly have let him sleep in even though you, too, are likely exhausted from the harvest festival. You’ve begun to delegate even more aspects of the festivals to your staff, though still take lead on the majority of details for now. You reason that just as the two of you began contingency planning for your consummation rituals, your citizens should also have protections in place for them.

This last year’s fall harvest was more bountiful than Yoongi ever recalls in Tranquil Valley’s recent history. He wonders if it is merely coincidence or if the two of you have actually activated a deeper magic with your ritual consummations. He supposes it doesn’t much matter. Harvest or not, he will still ensure the two of you intimately connect until you both retire (and even after).

Though neither of you are particularly demonstrative in your love for each other, there is something about a clearly stipulated and understood state of affairs that makes your love more concrete. More discrete. More replete.

He pulls on some joggers and heads to the kitchen. Yoongi smiles though you are long vanished to your workroom, it being closer to lunch than breakfast. Despite the lateness of the hour, his morning repast of gyeran-mari and various banchan is laid out and awaiting him in the nook. His Americano is cold with just the right amount of ice, and his breakfast is warm.

~~~~~~~~~~~

For more of my fics, here is my Masterlist.

Loved it! Gives me such A Promising Young Woman vibes!!!!

entertainer | jjk (m)

Summary: Growing singer Jeon Jungkook is as charismatic as he is self-absored – that is, until he meets you. Caught in a web of secrets, he finds a riddle in you he urges to solve; even ready to turn the spotlight towards you until nothing remains… but regret.

➳ pairing: Jungkook x reader ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: strangers to lovers (or something); angst, bits of fluff, smut!! ➳ warnings: do not fall for this jk i repeat do not f– 🚨 he's kinda hot though; (not so) silent yearning, flirting, a shit ton of sexual tension, sexual fantasies, some jealousy from his side, he is very VERY attracted to her, mystery, oc is a big question mark, full jk pov!, difficult past(s), (mention of) sexual harassment, mentioned past death of a side character, crying, fear, manipulation, confrontation and fighting, aggression, cursing, cocky and selfish kook, overthinking, secrets and revelations, explicit sexual content: kissing, fingering, teasing, drunk shenanigans, sooo much lust, big dick jk, dom jk, oc is odd, oral (f. receiving), spit stuff, handjob, manhandling, orgasm delay, lip ring…, light choking, bit of hair pulling, a spank or two, coming on oc, some cum tasting mmmh, ass stuff, protected sex, rough sex, various positions, masturbation; as always THE ENDING!! lmk if i forgot something!! ➳ wc: 32.4k ➳ a/n: MHMMM, it's finally time!! i experimented with the trope a little; def not a professional when it comes to this genre, but i tried my best. both oc and jk are odd in this one, and you might be on either's side and hate either of them, i can't say :'D very curious tho, so come and drop a message to lmk what you think. let it aaaall out :P <3

➳ listen to the Entertainer playlist! 🖤   

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST | WIPs 

Jungkook has always wanted an audience to perceive him.

Not just to perceive him, in fact. To worship him.

Jungkook doesn’t consider himself a bad person. Spoiled, a little selfish, but not necessarily bad. He enjoys attention, no matter how temporary or who the giver of it. Feasts on it like an incubus.

What’s wrong with that? Nothing.

Or. 

Maybe there is. Maybe he’s coming on too strong.

Because you’re not part of his audience, sitting over there, middle row, middle spot, with your eyes lowered to the notebook. And when you do look up, there’s nothing but indifference in your eyes.

It irks him. Maybe he is a little narcissistic, and maybe he can’t quite deny it after all — but as part of his future team, you should at least fake a smile, right? Display a certain amount of enthusiasm, the joy of working with aspiring artists.

But no.

You’re occupied, scribbling into your notebook. Jungkook, cognisant of the fact that he hasn’t issued much of significance today, understands that you cannot be taking notes of his words. And he also understands that… if that is true…

You’re not granting him as much fascination as he’s used to.

General admiration thrown into the same bucket as his unwavering talent — that he’s well aware of — might just be the reason he climbed up so high in no time. Sometimes, gentle livestreams and vlogs do the trick — locals have found reasons to adore him already.

At times, a good song and strong vocals aren’t necessary to woo people.

Jungkook, however, is insatiable — that’s what keeps him pondering at times. That it’s just the locals, and on an international scale, there’s still much to achieve.

But he’s not a quitter, he’s a conqueror.

And he’ll reach that mind-boggling status of a well-known, global icon, name flowing as naturally through the seam of people’s lips as a still-lying, tranquil lake.

Jungkook knows it’s cocky of him to praise himself to the skies and to rely on his resolute hopes so much. He knows life backfires sometimes, and that endeavours don’t always pay off. He only started as an insignificant city boy, too.

Survived the cruelty of elementary and middle school; shared a room with his brother, relying on him until he grew and learned to finally rule over high school; every single soul at his beck and call. Then, trudged through college before any of where he’s standing even existed.

But he’s here now. And people acknowledge it.

Except you.

And it throws him off his balance. Which is probably why he shortens the end of his speech, close to slurring distracted syllables before he realises he’s forgotten a prepared sentence or two.

No matter; the relevant and main message should have been delivered by now.

So he leans back in a chair in the back, flashing a captivating smile and waits for the applause. Somewhat proud when the praise needs a moment to cease for his manager to reclaim the mic, freeing the metaphorical stage, much in the form of a simple pult, for the CEO of the company.

Taehyung is savvy of how to regain control over a stage; Jungkook doesn’t know whether he fucked up his final remarks, but Taehyung summarises his ideas well. But the clapping does say a lot.

And between those raising their hands to appreciate Jungkook’s speech, you were, too. He knows because he looked directly at you; still is. And when your eyes drift to his, the two of you hold each other’s gazes for at least a couple seconds longer than the others.

And your smile, while present, is somewhat tight-lipped, a bit awkward but confident, too. Odd, as well; hard to explain, but as though you know what you want. As though you have your priorities set straight and cannot be swayed by anything the world might throw at you.

He doesn’t have a word for it. Poised? Self-reliant? Fearless? Can a single look even say this much or is he being delusional?

But this can’t be true, honestly. Nobody is this unperturbed or passive. He’ll find out.

Your stare aligns with his a couple more times over the next minutes, staying there before continuing the journey over the crowd. Jungkook’s eyebrows twitch just a little whenever your eyes pierce into his, so tantalising and deep, big sweet ires, but so conniving at the same time.

He doesn’t know your name, but he’s sure that it defines intrigue. And maybe, just perhaps, it might serve as the synonym for drop fucking dead gorgeous, too.

When Taehyung leads you to Jungkook’s stuffy studio, the latter hears your voice through the open door several seconds before you come in. Or actually, it’s not quite his studio.

More like a collective office that a couple of the newcomers use. Jungkook has been part of this crew a little longer, but he needs the additional success, more prosperity; he’s been told to yield more results to earn his very own four walls. Carrying his signature flavour.

But it’s okay. For now, this suffices…

The stench of coffee and the sound of the AC. The pot and plants that always rest in some corner of the room, courtesy of Taehyung who insists on some colour in the grey-white, small room. Jungkook has gotten used to it all.

Which is why it’s strange, seeing your splendour enter the small space, delighted by whatever Taehyung might be explaining. Your grin is the widest Jungkook has seen since yesterday.

He didn’t get to meet you properly yet, so he can’t say where your humour lies. Nobody introduced you, despite your new position as his very own, personal work partner. A second manager, here to guide and aid him when Taehyung can’t; and apparently, you’ve found some charm in Taehyung that you didn’t see in Jungkook during the stupid meeting.

Not that Jungkook would ever dare to doubt his friend’s appeal, but you’ve stormed into his life like a present, and so silently, too; and he wanted to be the one to open it. To reveal it.

Not Taehyung. Even if it’s his job.

Okay. Calm down. Jungkook sighs. That again.

A motherly blanket of praises and fatherly pats of pride. That’s what’s gotten his head so riled up. He was coddled too much as a child. Made felt special. That’s over now, Jeon, you’re in an industry filled to the brim with competition.

Chill chill chill.

But now?

With that alluring smile staring up at Taehyung, only hints of it left when your eyes move to Jungkook. Fuck.

But Jungkook’s stance remains steadfast and self-assured when he greets, “Hi there. Welcome at last, huh?”

Jungkook notices when your mind snaps out of the conversation with Taehyung and into the one he started; a gentle hand frees your face off your hair to enable a proper view to it. The other is still dug deep in the pocket of your leather jacket, covering parts of the white top underneath.

Semi-long, silver earrings rest right below your ear, against your neck when you tilt your head a little; your expression so respectful and inviting when you smile. Jungkook inhales you in that one split moment, details stinging into the eye without much effort.

And perhaps he’d observe more, appreciate your stunning, obvious beauty and elegance further; but time passes as it does before you finally utter your very first sentence to him, “Hi. Didn’t think I’d ever be saying this, but… thank you for having me.”

That’s sweet.

Your words are reminiscent of the adoration his fans grant him, but your expression is as cool as a refreshing autumn wind. The perfect balance, possibly.

Jungkook gestures to a small couch in the back, right next to the door, but you raise a rejecting hand, claiming, “Been sitting all day observing Taehyung. Need to walk a bit.”

And you do. Deliver a last farewell nod to Taehyung who waves a little, gripping the handle and locking you in the room with the younger man nearly drooling over you.

The hand hidden in the jacket before has emerged, arms loosely folded as you take in the interior of the studio, allowing no more insight into your thoughts than, “Nice.”

Jungkook hums in distracted agreement, standing at the wall, watching you roam around the humble space in small steps. It’s odd, being in here with you; the atmosphere fizzles, a little less like electricity, just a bit more than carbonic acid.

But the moment was to arrive anyway; you’ll be a close link to Jungkook from now on. Of course you need to familiarise yourself with his space, too. So far, you seem to have an opinion on it already.

“Easy to trigger claustrophobia, but,” you walk through the open door to the darker recording room, tapping the mic for a moment, “cosy, too. Very cool equipment.”

“Yeah. I agree.” Pause, eyes dropping to your fingers grazing the stand of the mic. Then, “I would’ve come to you today… or yesterday for that matter, but things were so chaotic and—”

“Oh, don’t worry,” you assure, waving his concerns off, “I could see people rushing around and preparing the moment I got here. I’m probably not the main concern right now among everybody.”

“Nah, that’s not it. We have a great team here.” You step out again, hands folding behind your back until you’re leaning against the wall opposite of him, mirroring his stance. “I’m sorry you arrived at such a stressful time, though.”

“Not your fault. I decided so myself fully knowing you were in the middle of something.”

Ah. So you’ve seen his interviews, read the news. You came here with sufficient knowledge about him, alright.

“Really though,” you continue, blinking slowly, “I’m just glad to be here at all.”

Ah. Yes — about that.

“What brought you to our company anyway?” Jungkook asks, coating his voice in sugar to decrease the risk of unintentional and prying rudeness. “I mean — it’s been a while since somebody joined the main team, is all.”

“Oh. What brought me here…” You slide down the wall just a few inches, staring at your feet before you meet his eyes again. Something flashes in them for a miniscule second, albeit too brief to be caught and analysed. Then, you say, “Sentiments?”

Jungkook gathers words of confusion the moment you utter yours, a question already on his tongue. Has he been here long enough to evoke sentiments in his followers? Or do you veil a whole different connection to this company than he might understand?

Who knows. It doesn’t feel too deep, at least, when you speak again, elaborating when his eyes reveal his bedazzlement before he can, “I mean, I like your work.”

Okay. So much he interpreted; and he must admit — the feeling of pride is a thoroughly unique one.

“I think you’ve been deserving of your growth, and I just,” you speak, shrugging your shoulders, digging one heel into the solid ground, “I could never stop thinking of what I’d say or do if I was here or how I’d try to help, even though I’m not a true musical genius like you.”

This is so excitingly new.

How poised you remain as you talk about your fascination for him; how carefully you choose your words. He’s met fans before, but he doesn’t think any of them has ever practised such control over themselves.

And harbouring such emotions for a tiny little celebrity like him while simultaneously treating him like a human being is an art you’ve well mastered. Despite Jungkook’s urge to feel loved and worshipped to a dependent degree, you’re an incredibly attractive change in pace.

Ugh.

Dependent degree.

Although, he does wonder what you’d be like if you fawned over him.

Jungkook contains the fantasy; suppresses his sigh.

“So,” he starts, “you’re here because you’re a fan.”

“Mmmh. Kind of. My friends started it and then pulled me into this. Honestly, at first I couldn’t imagine ever getting into your stuff.”

Your gaze moved down to your trainers a mere moment ago; whether to hide your expression or give into a habit, Jungkook can’t say. But the honesty surprises him; even stings a little as he voices, “Oh?”

Your head shoots up, lips forming a circle before you imitate, “Oh. Wait. That was… pretty rude.” You seek confirmation or denial in Jungkook’s eyes, and when his slightly wrinkled forehead, tight-lipped smile reveals the answer, you immediately opt for an apology, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you mean it then?”

“Just that.” You fiddle in your position, bringing your digits to waist level. Then, you laugh; a rhythmic sound. “Okay, don’t hate me, but. I was one to judge a book by its cover, and you had this young adult too-confident-too-sly something about you. But your music’s surprisingly sentimental.”

Jungkook halts for a moment, moving his head to side-eye you; producing a hoarse Uhhh before he admits, “I’m not sure whether you’re complimenting me or fully destroying me.”

Another lovely laugh. “I am complimenting you. To be fully transparent, I was probably, uh, biased? Because my friend. They have a knack for usually pulling very questionable men, so I probably just didn’t entirely trust their intuition.”

“Fair enough. I guess?” Jungkook matches the softness of your giggle, nodding towards you, “And now you do?”

“Mmmh, well, we’ll see.”

Jungkook must be stupid. Of course you won’t be able to deduce much from the first meeting yet; perhaps the flirting needs to slow down for just now. You seem the patient kind; much like now, letting the quick silence prevail without much struggle.

No sign of awkwardness surrounds your aura; only a hint of… suspicion? Flashing into your eyes when you let them move through the room again, freezing right next to Jungkook’s head. You’re not looking at him, but at something past him; but you don’t question nor voice anything.

Merely return to his stare with a smile, and he uses the moment to pour some courteous manners into the mix, asking, “Do you want something to drink? Coffee, water? A Red Bull?”

But you immediately raise a hand, shaking your head, “Oh, it’s okay. I’ve already got caffeine flowing there instead of blood,” you slide a finger along your arm, indicating a vein under your layers, “I just mainly came to say hi and to introduce myself. And to ask if I can help anyhow.”

“Ah… well, uh,” Jungkook halts mid-sentence, throwing a look around as though he’s searching for something to appear before he concludes, “don’t think so. I was in the middle of some production work, but don’t think I need much.”

“I see. Okay! Then I’ll leave yo—”

“But,” Jungkook intervenes immediately, adamant on keeping you around. Maybe he can wrap up work earlier today? Bring you home? Probably not — not on Taehyung’s watch. “Maybe you can tell me what you think once I’m done?

“Of course. It’d be my pleasure.”

“Would have an excuse for your company, too, then.”

The laugh that follows is so subtle that Jungkook barely hears it. It doesn’t leave your throat, stuck in there, just a tiny sound reminiscent of amused bafflement. 

Jungkook knows his way around words — understands what his utterances and implications usually apply. But somehow, not too many people have been the calmer ones in the room; aside from his superiors at work, not having the upper hand is new to him. 

So you set a fuse loose in him; destroy a nerve in his brain, changing up his communication habits. Because he certainly did not mean to say this out loud. And not in such a sense either.

He adds quickly, “I mean, it gets lonely here.”

“Right…” you concur, albeit weakly and with somewhat… entertained mystery in your eyes? He can’t say. It’s as though you’re wearing your face as a mask, undecipherable. “I get it. Even though your studio is cosy enough to enjoy your own company at times, right?”

“Not mine. But we’ll work on that.”

He cards his fingers through his hair, aware that he is probably more than an open book right now; his usual perfect poker face does not work with you.

Why? 

Weird.

“Got a couple things here that are mine, though. Yoongi and the others allowed me,” he adds.

“Ah… Like…”

Surprisingly enough, you take another look through the tiny room, possibly trying to detect something you didn’t see before. Regarding details. Then, you settle next to his head once again… and once Jungkook moves his eyes off you for the first time since you came in, he sees what you see.

Which is to say, nothing much out of the ordinary. In fact, the most trivial thing in the room.

“Like that?” you voice, pushing yourself off the wall to near his relaxed body. The scent of your perfume wafts through the room before you’re close enough; tenderly grazing his senses. “What’s that?”

Focus.

Your finger points to the object next to him, hanging at a nail at the wall; dark blue with white letters on it. Pretty mundane, pretty basic design.

“Just… a cap I bought back in college.”

You read out the name, pronouncing it perfectly, yet slowing down as if you’re learning a new foreign term. The sudden inquiry is strange, too: you don’t seem as truly curious about it as your question did; perhaps you’re playing for some time with him, too?

He wouldn’t hate it if you did.

“Do you know that one?” he questions.

You nod; a main hint as to why you wanted to know, yet indicating that the knowledge wasn’t of much significance. You say, “Isn’t it a popular one? I had a few friends who went there.”

“Hm… yeah, I mean. I guess it’s a known one. I got a degree there in broadcasting and entertainment like… four years ago.”

You exhale a barely audible puff of air before you whisper-murmur the most infinitesimal, petite, “Damn,” underscored with one indecipherable tilt of your head. He can’t see your eyes too well, so the reaction remains as transparent as you have been thus far.

Until he raises a thick eyebrow, confusion hidden in a somewhat relaxed yet awkward smile as he wonders, “What?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing, just. It’s impressive how much you’ve achieved in just four years, right?”

“…Well. If you say it like that, it does sound pretty neat.”

The bubble of pride expands alongside his ego; right beneath his chest. Somehow, the feeling changes his posture, makes him feel bigger. 

Perhaps you notice what your praise elicits; perhaps you’ve already fathomed his persona that he usually doesn’t dare to reveal this fast. But whatever he conceals with his fans, lies in front of you with an open access.

You make it easy to feel comfortable; he doesn’t need to know you too long to acknowledge this much.

“I graduated not too long ago, too. Three years?”

“Oh… then look at you,” Jungkook compliments, using the moment as an excuse to examine you further; head to toe and back. Your legs are crossed, upper body and face confident, but the position somehow delicate. Hm. “You’re quite awesome, too, don’t you think?”

“I mean— took a while to get here.”

“Right. So what have you been doing during this time since graduation?”

Whatever distraction you have found in the cap seems to break as you silently forage your brain for a response; possibly attempting not to divulge too much. And your answer is accordingly hesitant, though never dubious.

“Saving up? Preparing for life, I guess. And waiting for a good opportunity.”

For what? Do you usually keep your statements in fragments?

He prods, “To do what?”

“Well, to do,” you gesture to the wall in front of you, albeit clearly hinting to the situation, “this. Hoping to change everyone’s lives around here.”

You smile wide, the joke obvious as can be, but Jungkook can’t help but think that you might not be too far off. Unique minds alter brain chemistries; there’s something unforgettable and magnetising about them, and Jungkook steadfastly believes his intuition that you might just be one of them.

For the first time ever, he murmurs your name, delighted by how easily it melts on his tongue. It falls out breathier than he intended to, but when you tilt your head, the intrigue in your pupils inexplicably matches his tone.

He adds to your name, eyelids drooping just a bit, “So… you’ll turn out a long awaited surprise, huh?”

And you, against all expectations, lean in for just a minimal, not too inconsequential moment, hands back in your jacket. It’s a playful, harmless motion as you move back on your heels, then steady yourself again, bodies and faces still far away. You could’ve just as well given him a pat on his shoulder.

But there’s something in the way you look at him, tempted and ominous at the same time. He can’t say what you’re thinking because every feature in your face implies something different.

Even more so confusing what methods for success you came into this company with when you finally say, no pretext or further clarifications, “I really do hope so.”

“Do you come here a lot?”

Everywhere he goes, the lights are bright.

The white walls in the rooms of the company building reflect the sun in the summer and maintain a sense of optimism in the winter. They’re what Jungkook imagines waiting halls before Heaven to look like.

Then the fluorescent vibrancy in his apartment. And the sunlit sky, albeit cold in this winter, giving way to the planetary system’s star through the floating, parting clouds.

Even this modern art museum with its complex design, winding staircases, glass walls and high ceiling. It lets through an abundance of light, unaware of the balance Jungkook usually craves.

Dark and light — a healthy mix.

It’s why he cherishes the comfort of the recording studio so much. Its dim walls and the silence, so unlike the hallways outside of it. Or why he prefers his apartment unlit, often merely allowing the few lava lamps to illuminate his rooms.

But again… it’s only a balance he usually craves.

Today, he doesn’t mind the brilliance.

Because you’re part of it.

Clad in a beige long-sleeved cotton top, slight turtleneck included. It doesn’t fully cover your neck, still revealing a mole similar to his. It’s tucked into your light brown skirt; your legs are covered in sheer tights, crossed. A gentle hand holds the strap of your bag. Light academia at its finest; somewhat soothing, and somewhat radiant.

You look at him with an initially neutral expression, surprised that someone spoke to you, but more relaxed when you realise it’s him.

“Oh,” you voice; the faintest autumn-tinted smile tugs at your lips. “Hey! I, uh…” Your gaze flits to the painting in front of you, then back to him. “Not at all actually. Which… surprising.”

You gesture towards him before you grant him more of your silky voice, asking, “Do you? Come here much?”

Your eyes are indecipherable to him, cheeks dusted in natural make up. All the damn time, you sport this relaxed, unbreakable mask, and he can’t quite guess what you might be thinking about.

It’s so easy with anyone else. You’re like a scene from BBC’s Sherlock, embodying Irene Adler’s mystery.

But maybe your guard can be broken, too.

“Not really,” he admits, “only when pretty people are around.”

A weak attempt, but it makes your eyebrow cock in amusement. He knows you are, because the hint of mischief that scurries over your face resembles his own.

“Ah, and you happen to know when pretty people are around. Or did you follow me here?” you, however, ask.

It’s an obvious inquiry, but weirdly enough, he didn’t expect it. You exhibit the first sign of a proper, humane emotion. Delivering three quick blinks, voice quiet, suspicion swims in your eyes, slightly irritated.

Or even… scared?

You can’t truly be.

So he backtracks, slightly angling his head. He sighs — hiding how much his lungs crave a breath of air. He doesn’t want to scare you off just yet.

“No,” he defends, “of course not. I was just joking.”

“So… I’m not pretty?”

Oh. Oh?

Perhaps he misinterpreted your expression. Perhaps you’re merely a good actress; messing with him as he is with you. The smirk suggests this much, at least.

Perplexed, he holds his breath before letting out a choked laugh; the head tilt and click of his tongue carry a sliver of scolding before he admits, “That’s pretty frustrating, I won’t lie.”

“I’m just kidding, too. It’s a big exhibition. I expected a familiar face here.”

Why is there something so devilish about you?

He can’t say; maybe he doesn’t need to. Maybe it’s enough to join the game, to be just as cocky and see how you react. 

Perhaps he’s being selfish and too certain of himself, and in the worst case, he might just be imagining the tension buzzing between you like sparks off an electric fence. But does he have anything to lose, really?

Barely ever.

“Then,” he begins, “is it a good face?”

“All the art around us and you want me to admire you, huh?”

“…The art won’t be mad if you do.”

Jungkook is bold, he’ll admit. He hasn’t always been — he remembers a time spent in the back of classes, preferring to eat lunch alone. Did college tug him out of his shell? Was it senior year?

Then again — did that one kill the timidness in his heart or rather the last shred of humanity?

Maybe his cold matches yours, too. Is that why he feels so drawn to you?

Because you’re as bold as him; you don’t sugarcoat words and thoughts. And Jungkook appreciates the honesty, the ingredient to actual success — even if it’s achingly direct.

Like now.

You uncross your legs; your hips move in an elegant curve, and Jungkook attempts his best to keep his eyes off the arcs of your body. Focuses as you say, “You shouldn’t be flirting with a coworker, Mister Jeon.”

“Wait. I thought we were warming up to each other. Don’t demote me from Jungkook to Mister Jeon now.” You chuckle; that’s something, right? “Besides, I was just conversing. We need to spend all our time together now, so better get along, right?”

Right. Right; of course he’s right.

But… what is that?

It lingers for the faintest of moments, just a glimpse of an unspoken feeling, gone with the next blink. In this crowd of unsuspecting visitors you’re the closest to him physically, but your thoughts are miles and centuries away.

“Maybe you’re right,” you still say, as if whooshing away all unwelcome sentiments, “then I should not… dodge your conversation, right?”

“Sure.”

“Behave, though.”

He’s so confused — but not deep in this enough to question it. So he merely shrugs his shoulder before he responds, “I have been. I can converse, alright.”

“Right.”

“Like… first of all,” he steps closer, raising a hand, gesturing for you to walk on as new admirers of the modern piece approach, “tell me, have we met before? Feels like I’ve seen you somewhere.”

You halt in your steps, but immediately resume to the stroll when a stranger nearly bumps into you. “You’re doing it again.”

He’s honestly not. The aura surrounding you like an ominous fog is omnipresent and eerie, yet… you carry a sense of familiarity. But you’re a presence too distinct to ever forget.

Which doesn’t help his case.

“Yeah,” he still agrees before potentially embarrassing himself, kissing his teeth, “sorry. I’ll stop.”

“Why are you the textbook definition of a fuckboy, honestly.”

“Fuckbo—”

“Nevermind.”

If he wasn’t well acquainted with this little game, he would’ve missed your subtle, nearly veiled intent to tease. But he’s done this a million times before — hence, catches the faint twitch of your gorgeous lips immediately.

You’re enjoying this. So he should join… right?

Yet.

You’re not being entirely insincere. In fact, he hates how he picks up on the note of truth in your velvety voice.

Trimmed nails scratch the back of his head, and he barely notices when the two of you halt in front of another piece. Distracted, he doesn’t bear the art any mind, instead asking, “You really think of me that way?”

You shrug a shoulder. Nonchalance a constant feature, but so natural, even somewhat gentle, that he can’t help but feel drawn to you. “A little.”

“Well, shit.”

“Don’t overthink it. Enjoy the art.”

“Sure.”

Reluctantly, he glances to the canvas. It’s a mess of hues; a random arrangement of spontaneous emotions. Resembles the masterpieces he used to create in Microsoft Paint, back when his legs would still dangle off the chair.

“Then,” he starts, nodding towards the painting, “what do you see in this?”

You hesitate. Or maybe it’s not hesitation — more like… a thinking pause. Sometimes, when Jungkook notices a whirring mind, he sees a steaming brain through a skull. Working at full blast.

But somehow, he only sees a calm ocean as he observes you gather your thoughts. Everything about you is gentle, but wrapped in dark mystery. How much mental training does it require to become this inscrutable?

When you finally speak, you’re saying similarly strange things.

“I see… colours.” Right. Stating the obvious. Jungkook chuckles, delivering a head tilt. “And am wondering how the painter got to create this at all. I mean, this looks so meaningless at first, doesn’t it?”

“And it’s not, yeah?”

“We’re fast to think that. Most of the time, there must have been a trigger, or a thought about something, no matter how small. Something might have been bothering him. This is—” A soft hand gestures towards the painting. “Such a chaotic mind.”

Interesting…

“Is this what you usually think about all day?” Jungkook wonders.

You scoff. “I’m just a person, too. I think about a lot of random things.”

“Ohhh. Like what?”

“Like… seeing all the green in this exhibit made me realise how this colour makes me cry.”

Jungkook takes a haphazard look around. Now that you say it — there’s no hint of a nature theme, but the abundance of green is striking now. It’s as calm as you. No wonder you’d immerse yourself in a showcase such as this.

You continue, as if tracing and reading his mind like an open novel, “It’s soothing, right? And unique. These earthly things sometimes make me feel like not all of us are deserving of seeing such beauty. Like it should be reserved for those who earn it.”

Earn it? How? 

Jungkook can’t see your thoughts as clearly as you’re apparently capable of doing, but he has an inkling of what you might mean. Truly dazzling souls merit the stunning bloom of the world, right?

And then…

If that’s what it is.

He wonders — do you think he deserves to see the colour green? Or is it already over if he has to ask? Perhaps, should he be perceiving it as grey right now? He doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know how you think of him — doesn’t know anything about you at all. You’re a tough nut to crack. 

“Hmm… that’s a way to think about it,” he says.

“Only because it’s the same for people. And I’ve had this thought about humans a lot… I…” You hesitate, blink, and then grant him your stare. “I knew someone who was the colour green. Not everyone deserved them, either.”

Poetic minds carry a certain pain in their eyes.

He’s been seeing it in yours. He just doesn’t know how to handle it. So he doesn’t.

Instead, he asks, “What else are you thinking about?”

“Uhmmm,” you voice, straightening your back a little, as if waking up from a dream — nightmare? “I’ve been thinking about trying that, too. Painting, I mean. It doesn’t have to mean anything or be good. Just a great way to capture something that resonates with what I feel.”

Every word you’ve uttered today was otherworldly. You didn’t talk like that when you were in his office, or at the meeting. Your soul is somewhat free-floating here, and he doesn’t understand why.

And it’s a behaviour he usually strays away from. The vulnerable ones can be dangerous.

But somehow… you’re too strong of a magnet.

One who shrugs all the mystery away — and he sighs in despair. Maybe it’s not time to find out what you feel just yet. What resonates with you — even though he’s dying to hear it.

He inquires, “Are you always this open?”

“No. Not at all.” Of course not. Rhetoric question — he knows this much. “But I like thinking out loud sometimes.”

“I’m glad to be a sounding board then.”

“Yeah. I was also thinking how I appreciate that I met you here.” Pause. Oh? What a surprise. Out of the blue, too. Strokes his ego, though. And then, unexpectedly again, “You wanna go to the museum restaurant?”

Jungkook has barely seen half of the exhibition yet. But just for today, he couldn’t care less.

Perhaps it’s enough for now, sitting in this overpriced restaurant, watching you from afar as you inspect your nails calmly. You’re not busy on your phone like the rest of the crowd — entertained by the same media that he’s part of.

Maybe he can be a bigger part of their lives one day — be the one flitting over their screens, the one they adore. The one they worship.

But you don’t seem to indulge in those mind-numbing devices for now. You might be an addition to his team, but privately, you float in your own world. Distracted by the thoughts you won’t disclose.

Your hands retreat, arms crossing on the table and lips curling into a smile once he strolls back to you. Satisfied, he informs you, “One cake with the coffee. As the lady suggested.”

“Oh,” you make, “don’t you want one?”

“I do.”

“So…” You stall, and he waits until it clicks, your head tilting in understanding. “Are we sharing?”

Jungkook lifts a thumb, pointing over his shoulder, back to the register, “Those chocolate cakes are sweet as heck. I’ve got a sweet tooth, but believe that it’ll be enough for the two of us.”

You laugh — a sweet, disarming chuckle before you breathe an, “Alright.”

Jungkook doesn’t know you well enough to feel any skip in his heart; yet, you stir something else in his mind. It’s always people like you who intrigue him the most — those who veil themselves in a coat of secrets.

He sighs.

“That was fast,” you note, eyes at a point behind him.

And he understands when the waitress arrives a couple moments later, two perfectly prepared lattes and a mouth-watering chocolate fudge slice. You thank her with a gentle smile, tuck a hair behind your ear, fingertips grazing the dangling earring.

And he watches.

Watches as you nod towards him, urging him, “Start then.”

Observes your smile as he signals you to start instead. And he gazes at you as your delicate digits reach for the fork, tearing off a piece, wrapping your lips around the utensil.

And then… God.

He feels his guts twist; hears all background noise fade; blood rushing away from his head, through his body as you slowly relish the sweetness and then drag your tongue over the fork. Licking away the leftover chocolate.

Jungkook swears it happens in slow motion. And witnessing your elegance at snail's pace… makes him sick.

When your eyelashes flutter, gape lifting to meet his, the sounds around him come alive again — as does he. He averts his stare from your mouth, covered in the same colour as the coffee, but you notice.

You see him looking. And it makes you… smile? Shit.

But you don’t boast your effect; only digress as you say, “Well… tastes as fancy as it looks. Try it.”

You’re as relaxed with him as you can be. But you always are; with everyone. He craves that bit that’s only reserved for him — then again, maybe he’s too zealous too fast. He hasn’t known you for long.

But making you smile must be an achievement. If only… you didn’t think of him like…

He nods, and then leans over the table ever-so-slightly. His knees brush against yours, a soft but deliberate move. He places an elbow on the table, grasping the fork, close to you. If he lifted his hand, he could touch your cheek.

He wishes he could.

His eyes meet yours through his bangs, the cake’s taste irrelevant to your presence. And when his ego doesn’t let him relax, he finally asks, almost as if insulted, “Do you actually perceive me as a fuckboy?”

The question catches you off guard. You hesitate, furrowing your eyebrows, and then giggle before questioning back, “Jungkook… it’s bothering you this much? Mmmh. How would you like to be perceived?”

“Just. As a decent guy who wants to get to know you. And I know you know.” You blink, but he doesn’t buy it. So he elaborates, “I’ve been trying to make clear that I find you lovely. And somewhat attractive.”

People usually display a flicker of glimmer in their eyes upon hearing such praise. But you don’t quite budge; in fact, your eyes remain the same, if not a little darker. Why?

Yet, you cock an eyebrow, sporting a teasing, playful tone, “Somewhat, hm?”

He shakes his head, clicks his tongue. “You’re pretty and I think you know,” he blurts, “and I don’t want to screw up right away.”

Is it the habit of never failing? The urge to solve an enigma? The chance to dive into you until you’re bared to him? Why are you so interesting to him?

You’re just a person.

Maybe it’s just the unsettling need to discover what you’re hiding — it won’t let him rest in peace. There’s something about you that screams to him to unravel. Makes him want you more.

He doesn’t know what it is. Doesn’t know if you’re even from the same world as him — even though you seem to have crossed his realm before. No matter what it is; Jungkook merely understands for now that he wants to take off your layers.

Wants to be the colour green for you. 

“Ah—” you voice.

“In fact, I’m not supposed to hang out here with you.”

“…How come?”

“I should be with Tae,” he admits. Maybe he’s revealing more to you than he should — maybe he should adjust to your level of secrecy and wait. But this is frustrating him. “He dragged me here, so I could get inspiration from all sides.”

You listen; perhaps not quite loving the idea of seeing him in such a way?

Fuck. Maybe it really was a mistake. No turning back now, though.

“He said artists find motivation in art, too, and I do like to paint, so…” He looks at his cup, still left to be tried from, and then stares up from the cream leaf that the barista formed in his coffee. “I didn’t wanna come here, though. I already have an idea of what I want to do.”

“And…” you start, still not addressing the issue on hand; choosing to talk about something else for now, “he doesn’t like what you’ve come up with?”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t know about it yet.”

You take a sip of your coffee, softly smacking your lips once to relish the taste. You’re living proof that subtle gestures can make a mind race. Then you say, “Maybe you should introduce it to him then.”

“I will. Just… mmh, need a better grasp on it.” He throws a nod towards you. “I can’t wait to show you either.”

Another sip of the seething liquid.

If the gentle hint of him being bent on your presence flatters you anyhow — stirs anything in you at all — you don’t let it show. Are you, by chance, used to being swarmed from all sides?

Are his advances kindergarten to you?

You don’t budge as he waits for you to respond, setting the cup back on your saucer before you inquire, “Where is Taehyung, anyway then?”

“Uh, I’m sure he’s going around admiring the art?” Jungkook guesses, head reflexively moving to the side, as if his friend and co-worker could materialise out of thin air. “He enjoys it even more than I do.”

“And you separated from him because…”

Because Jungkook ascended a spiral staircase. Because he turned right and halted in front of the second instead of the first room. Because he recognised the familiar curves and edges, as intriguing as ever, from this far distance.

And told Taehyung to continue without him; that Jungkook was going to explore a different corner of the museum.

He tilts his head; his left eyebrow raises just a twitch, fingertips tapping the hot surface of the coffee cup. And then, charisma gathered in the middle of his pupils, he tells you—

“Because I found you.”

There it is.

The slightest of reactions.

Your eyes widen barely an inch, but he sees it. How your lips part a bit, even though you should’ve expected his answer after the conversations hitherto shared. Hm…

“So you did follow me,” you say.

He can’t say if you’re joking or not. But all of a sudden, he wonders if he’s creeped you out. He opted for flirting so clearly, but… maybe you interpreted it vastly differently.

But he keeps himself relaxed; not faltering now when you aren’t either. Answers, “If you want to call it that. I call it finding you and then sticking with you. You’re interesting, Miss Manager.”

You smile.

Genuinely, thoroughly, wholeheartedly.

The beam reveals more than any word could’ve today — that humanity slumbers somewhere in the crevices of your heart. Your eyes suggest it as much as your stance on art did.

Whatever might have scarred you in life, behind all that ache, you hide a delicate soul.

Green, green, green.

And your cryptic worry, uttered a moment later, doesn’t bring him down from his sense of victory. No. Not now.

“Yeah?” You cross your legs, letting out a breathy sigh. “Then I sincerely hope that doesn’t change.”

[6:43PM] Jeon Jungkook: i’ve been thinking about something. and of you

For a bedroom as sparsely decorated and light-coloured as Jungkook’s, he should be surrounded by a brilliant glow. And usually, he is.

The windows occupy half of the wall, the bedsheets a perfect white; had he texted you a couple hours prior, he would’ve found himself in the gleam of a pale blue late winter sky. But if he’d tapped your name on his device earlier, he would’ve indulged in a whole different mood, too.

Wouldn’t have given into fatigued, delirious fantasies. Daydreaming about the curves of your lips and about the single strands of hair kissing your cheeks. Or the way you love exposing your neck, as if to taunt him.

It’s right there, but you can’t touch it, Jeon.

And…

And the mounds of your chest, slivers of it visible whenever you put on those heaven sent dresses. Their cuts are almost as deep as the ones damaging Jungkook’s brain. And not much for the sake of his sanity, the thirst isn’t quenched just yet.

Crossed legs badly hidden under your see-through tights. The movement of your hips when you walk into his studio, placing yet another gruesome schedule onto his desk. Your scent when you lean into him, pointing to another meeting he barely recalls.

You… you…

If Jungkook hadn’t already cleaned up the sloppy mess previously covering his knuckles, trickling down his thighs, he’d possibly give into the urge to sneak his fingers back to where he craves them to linger.

No, you made that mess.

Of his sheets, of him. And you never needed to be here in the first place.

Jungkook is no fool — unlike many of his friends, he doesn’t deny the way his body winds. He knows what he wants; and right now, he hungers for you. Wants you to eliminate the drought on his tongue; wants you to replace it with some taste instead.

“Fuuuuck.”

The word drags into the emptiness of the room, filling the silence that someone else should be lifting. But you’re not here, and you’re not answering. Not yet, at least. Has it been seconds or minutes?

Too long, is all he knows.

His digits are cleaned thoroughly, but he can’t shake the persisting feeling of sheer, dirty lust as they reach his phone again. Lighting up the screen, then curling inwards in frustration.

He repeats the desperate attempt of manifestation a couple times until he throws the device aside, nearly missing the mid-air vibrations, indicating the long-awaited message. Jungkook’s heart falls out of his ribcage and squeezes his guts; your name elicits far more than it should.

And he feels just a little guilty.

Because he doesn’t deny himself any pleasure — so he knows this isn’t love. This isn’t starving for emotionality. Not for sentiments. What you pull out might be his ugliest, beastliest side; his mind is filled with images of you that he shouldn’t be having.

You’re so respected. So tender and kind. Intriguing, a riddle, but inhabiting secrets probably far darker than his thoughts. So he feels odd about the wanton desire; feels guilty.

But just for a bit. Just a little.

The message you sent back is too humble, too innocent. Sometimes he reckons you’re aware of your power, and sometimes he assumes you think of yourself as… ordinary.

But you’re not. And he wants to show you.

Just one touch, please.

“Fuck, shut up, you creep,” Jungkook whispers to himself, scolding his treacherous mind before he reads again.

[6:52PM] You: Oh? Why would you be thinking about me? Of all people?

Should he wait? You did, too.

Or should he make as crystal clear as he can muster that he’s been waiting for you?

Screw it.

[6:53PM] Jeon Jungkook: what else should I be thinking of?

Your next response is immediate — you’re online. Waiting for him to answer.

Good.

[6:53PM] You: Your music?

[6:53PM] Jeon Jungkook: my music doesn’t talk to me as much as you do these days

He smirks. Keeps the beam plastered to his face until the waiting becomes a little too long. Message on read, you leave the chat room empty of you and full of a nervy Jungkook. He opts out of it the same second, keen on patience before it fades again, bit by bit.

Because then, the thoughts flood in.

Are you rolling your eyes? Throwing the phone into a corner of your couch? Has he fucked up before anything could start?

But it’s been going so well. You talk to him every single day. Ever since the museum, the two of you have been orbiting each other; partly due to work, partly because he’s caught you smiling, too.

Your words are too sickeningly often accompanied by a soft touch of yours against his shoulders; against his arms. Sometimes, you brush his back, his eyes wide awake, the smile timid yet crushingly losing against your confident gaze.

All this must mean something.

“Nah. Fuck it,” he mutters again, sighing over his own constant use of curses. “Come back.”

[6:55PM] Jeon Jungkook: actually… I did come up with one tune. It’s just a skeleton of a song tbh, but I need a sounding board.

It takes another one minute for you to come back, and Jungkook angles his legs, relying on the movements of his body to ease the impatience. But then—

[6:56PM] You: Oh, and? [6:56PM] You: Sorry, I had to step away for a sec

Sigh of relief. Even though embarrassment annoyingly adds itself to the mix, an uninvited guest.

[6:57PM] Jeon Jungkook: …do you wanna come to the studio?

[6:57PM] You: Right now? It’s like… [6:57PM] You: 7pm

Unconsciously, Jungkook shrugs his shoulders, unbothered to the bone, just craving, craving, craving…

[6:57PM] Jeon Jungkook: a true artist never rests. [6:57PM] Jeon Jungkook: and I’d rather die than stop hustling for my passion

As the next message appears at the bottom of the screen, Jungkook can’t help but bite into his lower lip with a certain pride. He nods as if he caught his prey, trapping it between his fangs.

[6:58PM] You: 😂LOL. now that, I admire, mister Jeon :) [6:58PM] You: I’ll finish my wine and be on my way

Oh.

Are you tipsy? Maybe he’s reading too much into it, but the emoji seems so unlike you; yet, you somehow manage to capture the core of what and who you are in the rest of the message. Six coherent words. That’s all it takes.

Goddamn.

You’re so thoroughly you.

[6:59PM] Jeon Jungkook: wait. really?

And that’s it. You disappear.

Perhaps you’re joking; perhaps you’re messing with him. The sun has already set; and he doesn’t think he’s ever stayed with you much longer than dusk before.

If he met you in the evening, or on other nights, would you make more sense than you usually do? Are you the type to unravel when the world quiets down? Or the one to blend with the darkness more, drawing back further?

If there’s pure truth in what you just said, devoid of all mockery you could revert to… he might find out. And it seems you’re in the right mood today, earnest with your intentions when he feels his phone vibrate against his thick thigh again, making him flinch.

[7:11PM] You: Yes? I’m already dressed. Get your ass up

Oh shit.

Despite your order, his limbs still shut down. His muscles and bones melt into the bed, a fleeting image of your sly smirk crossing his mind and an assured voice surrounding his eardrums.

And if he didn’t overthink each of your movements; didn’t fantasise about the possible rise and fall of your voice, he would’ve discarded his phone and gotten dressed a lot earlier.

How embarrassing.

The fact that his mind doesn’t want to categorise this as a crush, no matter how much he asks. That his body responds to you like that, superficial and intrigued.

Embarrassing. He should focus on more important things.

Yet, he can’t be bothered with the intruding sentiment, shame shoved aside and trampled under his feet as his car turns into a parking lot, perfectly in front of the building’s entrance. Your form is crystal clear in the dark; not even the shadows and lack of light can hide your silhouette.

The radar sensor beeps when he creeps too close to the hood of the car behind him, and he mumbles a curse, averting his eyes from your unmoving self to focus on proper parking. Letting the roaring engine die.

Your shoulders are slightly raised when he approaches you at the door. One hand is stuffed in the pocket of your thin, baby pink coat, the other curled into a fist, possibly resisting the urge to enter the building and combat the cold.

You could’ve waited inside, too. Unless…

Maybe you’re excited to see him, too.

You smile, lips reaching far up; he tries his hardest to believe he’s right. Takes the gesture as a good omen, and the hair pulled up in a loose bun as a sign of hurry. You look domestic, comfortable in your skin, no matter who’s around.

But somewhere between the comfort and the softness, there’s that everlingering intrigue, too. And… some timidness. Showing in the crossed legs his eyes drift over, up to the short skirt barely visible underneath the coat.

And your face… so natural. More than usual. Mascara only? He doesn’t know.

All he knows is that he needs to say something.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” you throw back, tilting your head in tease, “where were you? Took you long enough to get here.”

He steps closer; fiddling with his jacket’s pocket, fishing for the keys. And his proximity changes something about you so subtly, a miniscule movement. Hand digging deeper into your coat.

You’re on guard for some reason. And he can’t help but admit he’s on guard with you, too, albeit in a less physical and more mental way. The unfathomable, dichotomous sensation of wanting you near, wanting you far is killing him.

What are you hiding?

If he could, he’d speak it out loud.

“I had to freshen up,” he finally responds, “I honestly didn’t expect you to say yes.”

Your body might be in protection mode, but your voice is as composed, even somewhat amused, as always, “Well.” You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t see why. But I’m here now, and honestly… a little cold?” Nodding towards the door, “Should we go inside?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

He sniffles, fishing for the chip to unlock the door. For an ephemeral second right before walking inside, your breath lingers incredibly close to his own, grazing his lip ring. “Don’t forget to dress warm this season.”

Near enough for his fingers to succumb to the impulse and sidle to you, skimming your thigh so featherlightly. He thinks he hears the sharp inhale you suck in. His skin tickles, the shiver icy on his body. He watches you smirk, lowering your head; his fingertips insist on the vicinity just for the tiniest seconds before he says,

“Okay. Let's go inside before you catch a cold, silly.”

But the bitter frost permeates the hallways of the company in the same ruthless manner. Perhaps somebody’s still lingering around in the daunting dark. Revising steps in the mirrored practice rooms or hovering above lyrics and tunes, neck bent and back tired.

But the building isn’t heated; and it shows in your rather quick steps, an arm wrapped around your chest to rub the layers above your arm. The guarded demeanour doesn’t match your usual confidence; aside from the hollow hallways, it seems that you’re scared of more than just the cold.

He doesn’t point it out. And he doesn’t stare for too long.

If he did, you might realise.

Instead, he saunters to the elevator with you in tow, delighted about the light that never changes in the small rectangular space. You let your hand drop to your purse, lazily toying with its zip, and turn your head to observe the closing doors.

And Jungkook observes you. 

The glow of your cheeks in the bright beam, half of your face devoid of the hair tucked behind your ear. As you breathe in, your lips split a fraction, and their gentle, soft curves mesmerise him for a moment too long.

It’s difficult and cruel, being around you. Haunting, agonising, aggravating.

And when your eyes align with his again, sparkling a little in line with your tender smile, Jungkook realises that he’s been holding his breath. Because it escapes between the seam of his mouth in a sudden push, his knees nearly buckling.

He resists the urge to bite into his fist, instead disguising his thoughts when he covers his mouth, teeth digging into his plump, lower lips.

“So,” he quickly adds, leaving no space for you to question his eccentricity, but you initiate another convo in the same tiny second, “It’s…”

You pause, withholding your statement in order to listen to his. But he shakes his head, lifting a hand to sign for you to continue. So you say, “It’s a little scary here at night.”

Okay. Not that tough of a topic.

“Right?” he confirms. “I always imagine getting here and hearing a hum that’s not really there.”

“Uh…” You blink in disbelief, lifting your eyebrows, but when he shrugs your confusion away, your hesitation marker turns into a chuckle. “Why the hell would you say that?”

“It’s just something I imagine. It’s terrifying, but my mind goes places, and I never ask it to.”

“Well, it’s a mean thing of your mind to do.” The ding of the elevator distracts you, and when you step out, your thoughts remain at an afar spot. Kept inside your pretty little head until you whisper, “And? Have you ever heard it, then?”

“Hm? The hum?” You nod, and he suppresses the snicker your curious, cocked eyebrow nearly elicits. “No. Only myself. Humming helps me control my breathing, so I do it to practise.”

“Weird. It’s so different from how I’d imagine you.”

Huh. Seems he’s not the only one sketching your entire being to keep himself awake at night.

“How would you?” he asks.

“As a rockstar?”

“Oh?” That’s new. “As a future RnB slash pop sensation I find this officially peculiar. Why a rockstar?”

You cock an eyebrow; either digesting the confident prophecy or pondering his question. The crooked smile matches his own signature smirk a little, and you puff out a breath before your sombre yet sparkling eyes wander an inch further down, right to his mouth.

Your eyelashes are endless, on their way to brush those delicate apples of your cheeks — in reality, it’s an impossible fantasy written in novels and poems, but it’s exactly how it looks. Exactly how much your curious gaze drops.

Only, the tingling sensation in his chest soon subsides, freeing a path to the realisation that he’s yet again misunderstanding. Because you’re not drawn by his lips, but rather considering a response.

He sighs in subtle disappointment when you point to the shiny metal encircling his lower lip, telling him, “Gotta be the piercing.”

“Ah. Ahhh. Well. First off, this is a very stereotypical assumption.” You shrug your shoulders in amusement, watching him cram for his chip until he halts in front of his studio, keeping you in his vision. “And secondly.”

The lock of the door clicks as he swipes the chip across the reader, defined knuckles paling a bit when he pushes the handle down. He raises his chin by a fraction, pulling out the most-assured smile, and asks, “Do you like it?”

And you, composed as ever, respond, “It suits you. I always wonder how comfortable these are, though.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, like. Do they have a metal taste? Do you ever get hyper aware of them and then get annoyed and want them off? Are they… cold?”

He laughs. There’s something endearing about how your voice quietens further the more your curiosity grows. You’re not quite looking at him, pupils focused on a random spot, hands expressive as you vocalise your thoughts.

“Let’s see,” he mutters, jacket thrown over a chair, “sometimes and, again, sometimes. It feels a bit cold right now because it’s cold outside. I mean…”

He rubs the chill off his tattooed arm, fingers diving under the short sleeves of his white, oversized t-shirt. Attempts never faltering, he leans into you in intrigue, parting his lips before running his tongue over the jewellery.

“Do you just. Wanna touch it and find out for yourself?”

You blink, frozen in place.

The room isn’t too spacious; Jungkook will get his very own studio, name tag and all once he reaches a clear peak. For once, he’s glad about the crowded room, girded by a guitar on the wall, chairs standing side by side, a little couch leaning against the back of the wall.

As ever, he can’t decipher your mood; as ever, you’re still quick to answer, “I… no. It’s okay.”

Why don’t you want him?

Goddamn it.

“Okay,” he simply utters, shrugging his vexation away. “Let’s get started then.”

The excitement in his tone dips, seemingly aloof, but as he walks into the dark square of silence, reaching for the headphones he placed right here mere hours ago, wordless curses dangle off the tip of his tongue.

He makes sure you don’t see the clench of his jaw or the fast and steady fall of his ego, but you’re shoving back the chair and adjusting anyway. Crossing tight-clad legs as you place your coat on your lap, throwing your mane to one side to free that damned neck.

It must be on purpose.

He waits for you to settle, the headphones on the table in front of you enveloping your head. They look way too big on you, and Jungkook can’t decide whether to tut at his anguish or swoon at your stellar being.

Jungkook uses his headphones to communicate through the glass, raising a thumb to ask, “Ready?” You nod, matching his gestures with your own. “Be honest, how professional do I look?”

Carding the fine hair back, he pushes a hand into the pocket of his pants, taking a stand in front of the boom microphone. He mimes a typical grimace of an immersed artist, letting out an immediate, sweet chuckle that you chime in joyfully.

You lean in, long earrings brushing your jaw, pressing down the button for the talkback mic to assure through the intercom, “You look like a born star.”

He rolls his eyes, playfully clicking his tongue, “Ahhh, that’s a nice yet basic thing to say, but. I’ll take it.”

“Why did you go in there anyway? Weren’t you just going to show me a song?”

“Adlibs, baby. I’m still missing those.” He adjusts the headphones again, clearing his throat, almost in position. “But I didn’t warm up my voice, so I’ll need to re-record them anyway.”

“And still you’re straining your voice because…?”

“We’re here to impress you, so let me.”

Your finger lifts off the button, but the movement of your lips suggests to him undoubtedly what your teasing self might be mumbling.

Oh damn. Sorry then, boss.

You raise your hands in defeat until you detect his beguiled smile, raising your eyebrows in a clear question that he answers with two words; a simple title of a song, not as glorious as the tune itself but hopefully as memorable.

Eyes scurrying across the now opened laptop screen, you search for the instrumental until you stumble upon it. 3:54 minutes of what Jungkook prays to be blasted everywhere in a couple week’s time before the big concert, chiming in his ears.

The initial guitar riff drowns the room in a mixture of intriguing anticipation and uncurbed sentiments immediately. Jungkook’s eyes dart to your face, attempting to decode a reaction. And when you notice, hands on the headphones, you nod approvingly.

Most of his vocals are already recorded to perfection; a silky voice laments about a lost time with purity. Jungkook largely listens in, searching for wonky bits or moments to be re-tackled. Of course, he will need to discuss the details with Taehyung tomorrow, but whenever the passion burns the hottest, he can’t help but add an adlib here and there.

As he sings, his eyes reflexively close, and for a couple dozen seconds, the melodic current pulls him towards a bigger ocean; the sense of freedom and possibility is astonishing. There’s a certain ardour he feels towards music that nothing will ever be able to elicit.

Do you feel the same?

As somebody spending day in, day out surrounded by musicians, does that phenomenon make your heart surge, too?

Maybe.

When he looks at you again, it’s at least something fervent he detects in your gaze. A bit like the longing he feels. Intense fondness, or perhaps, even zoning out — until you’re barely blinking anymore.

Your features relax a little more as the song proceeds, bit by bit, the calmest when the ending notes arrive. Jungkook observes you; freezes at his spot. The change from the built-up chorus to the suddenly calm ending, instruments dying, are as forgotten as the last touches… because you, behind the glass, are much more interesting.

Just staring. Looking at the screen, its brightness reflecting in your pupils. When you blink again, most of the preceding smile is gone, something indecipherable in your eyes.

He doesn’t know whether you actually enjoyed the entire thing or became consumed by memories he doesn’t know of. Some the song might have drawn out but shouldn’t have. There’s… a past in your stare.

He knows because much like the vast existing humanity, he’s been tending to faraway memories for years, too.

And he wants to know about yours.

Gently, Jungkook grasps the headphones covering his ears, the mane victim to the impact before his fingers fix it again. He frees his eyes off his strands, never directing them away from you, and when he opens the door to the small room you drifted off in, you look up.

Your emerging smile is unsuspecting and polite as always, and you deliver a tilt of your head. Jungkook could sign the previous oddness off as just this, or a sinking into arts just as he does sometimes.

But what’s enough is enough; brushing questions off his mind has become tedious.

So he rolls back the second chair next to you to take a seat, placing his arm on the one of the furniture before folding his fingers; leaning in, asking, “You okay?”

You react with a soft nod, a tender hum, “Yeah! I was listening.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“You zoned out.”

“Which is a good thing, I promise.”

Jungkook looks for a moment. Waits for you to break or admit that the truth you display might not be as pure as you think; waits for his instinct to wind up correct.

But when you do nothing of that sort, eyes a resolute and solid statement, he sighs. Tongues at the lip ring for a moment before he clears his throat and questions, “Good thing, yeah? What else do you think?”

“It… goes deep,” you confess, an impressed declaration in your expressions, “what are you talking about in that one? I mean, I know, but… it sounds so personal.”

“More or less? I’ve spent most of the last few years dedicating myself to this job. The training, the late night sessions, the failure and lost time. I wanted to depict those hardships.” He nods, emphasising his points. “I want this song to help me look back one day…”

He shrugs his shoulders, thumbs slowly circling around each other, “And comfort my older self that despite the hectic life, things are okay.”

“I see.”

Your tone is neutral, but your chest rises and falls a little too slowly. Your sorrow is quiet. He closes the distance further, nudging your arm, “Hey. Did you not like it?”

“I did,” you defend, honesty and reassurance in your voice, “I do. You have an amazing voice, come on, what’s not to like. And the sound is incredible. Should you manage to release it, it will be celebrated a lot.”

“I will manage to release it,” he says with furrowed eyebrows, resisting the urge to touch your elbow again, but settling on simply calling your name instead, “you’re part of my team. Let’s be optimistic.”

“I am. Teamwork makes the dream work. Etcetera.”

“Right,” Jungkook breathes, word close to a yawn. He throws his body back in the cushioned chair, manspreading as much as the space allows; stretches his arms until his muscles crack. “Ahhh… I really want this to be good.”

His gaze falls to the darkening laptop, soon giving way to pitch darkness, potentially to some screensaver. The title of the song remains still in the opened audio file, and he smacks his lips, blinking only when you voice an approving, “Mhmmm.”

His head darts to you the moment you deliver a subtle nod towards the computer, deducting, “You really strive to be big.”

Well, yeah. That’s been the plan. Always, always.

“Shouldn’t I?” he argues. “It’s a dream.”

“It’s good to have dreams.”

“That’s right. Mine is to… Stand on a bigger stage. I think I’ve reached a solid group, but I think if I keep working hard and with the right team, I can make it?”

“This determined, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he responds with a hint of obvious self-evidence, slight confusion shadowing his mind — have you never wanted something so badly? “The audience’s eyes glued to me. Don’t you have a dream?”

Another deep inhale of air, chest working hard, as if you’re breathing out fatigue. He prepares for another vague answer that might leave him guessing; and albeit clearly seeing the usual curtain veiling your true thoughts, what you say next makes his ears perk up.

“Honestly. I’ll allow dreams again once I’ve moved on. That’s all I want.”

What?

Did you actually want to say that? Was it on purpose? A slip of the tongue?

Because it seems so unlike you. Reveals too much. He doesn’t think you’ve exposed your innermost thoughts like this before, even if still not quite transparent.

“…From what?” The previously relinquished distance dies when he inches closer again, digits sneaking close to your knee. A fingertip floats over your tights. “Hey. Is something bothering you?”

“Ugh,” you say; the sliver of sadness seamlessly transitions into an expression of nonchalance when you wave your concerns off so quickly. “Young adult stuff.”

Nevertheless, you speak on. The biggest development in this friendship between the two of you yet. “I once had a friend that moved away. We were pretty close, and now she’s far away. Which sucks.”

“I’m sorry.”

That’s it.

Jungkook offers to listen, but he doesn’t necessarily deem himself the most expressive guy when it comes to emotions like these; even if he so deeply wishes to read your thoughts. Music is different; speaking to an audience is, too. Articulating gratitude isn’t as difficult as extinguishing someone else’s grief.

And while not quite confronted with anguish, he houses demons that still haunt his nights; he can barely obliterate them.

Maybe he doesn’t need to.

Maybe he can comfort you in the only way he’s ever known. The stupid, selfish way; offering relief and distraction in the most sinful manner.

“Listen…” Jungkook starts, but in all honesty — there isn’t much to say.

Only to crave. To look.

At the curve of your lips. The distance between them. The bare wrist needing to be held, tired eyes wanting to replace the sorrow with something else.

Is he an asshole for wanting to annihilate your heavy breaths of dejection and replace them with sighs of his name instead?

He doesn’t know. He barely hears his thoughts. Only the blood rushing to his ears, and then away from his head, down his body.

Fuck.

The levitating finger drops an inch; you gasp almost inaudibly when the tip touches your knee, skin separated by the tights only. Jungkook loves fashion choices like these, but hates the hurdle right now.

His warm palm opens, placing right above your knee, approaching the meat of your thigh. He knows you’re not breathing because he can’t hear the exhales; and when his eyes, hooded and possibly insane, flit up to you, he recognises the change in your pupils.

You gulp; and then finally push out some air again. Your hand moves to his inked wrist, touching lightly, unsure what to do. But when you don’t resist, his other arm lifts, touch moving to your face, holding it.

The world spins, moving like an earthquake as his mouth draws nearer. You let out a miniscule sound that punches him in the guts; sweet and pure.

He wants to shatter and wreck you so bad; wants you to feel the same poison you’ve fed him. Irresistible, deadly.

But just as the metal of his jewellery grazes your lips, the softness and warmth radiating towards him, your breath shakes. Your face budges enough for his upper lip to feel a brush against yours, but that’s all he gets.

Because you retreat without giving in. And he doesn’t know why.

He clenches his jaw. God fucking hell. What’s your problem?

The sense of failure overwhelms him. Failure. Failure.

That’s not the term his mind should conjure. He knows the moral compass hides somewhere in his dark heart; he knows. Yet, he can never give into it. Is he a bad person? He doesn’t know.

Control was never his domain, after all.

But he keeps those intrusive thoughts inside, intending to not scare you off more than he already might have. So he accepts the dodging of the kiss, moving back, immediately leaving you safe from his touch.

And then, he says, “Uhm— I’m sorry.”

You don’t answer, still catching your breath, back to the heavy sighs that he was going to help shove back. Once again, he tries, “Honestly, I apologise, I just…”

“No, no. Please, don’t be sorry,” you reassure, slightly touching his shoulder. A wave of relief washes over him. “I’m just. Not in the right mindset for it yet. But I’m flattered, really.”

“Okay.” He nods. His eyes drop to his fingers; he still feels your heat on his skin, basks in it for a moment. But when the awkward silence lingers, he suggests, “Then. Let’s call it a night and I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sounds good. I’m definitely getting tired.”

“Me too.”

Jungkook rises from his seat, still unable to wrap his head around what happens — or almost happened. Maybe another time. Grabbing your coat from behind you, he helps you into it, avoiding your eyes, trying not to showcase his frustration.

Uncertain what to say, he reverts back to small talk, stating, “Thanks for still coming so late. You really do like the song, yeah?”

“Jungkook… it’s honestly very good.”

You smile; there’s something about your honesty. About the way you say his name. And how hopeful you truly seem for him. How much you seem to mean it when you say—

“If there’s anyone who can manage to wrap the world around their finger, it’ll be you, Jungkook.”

“Alright. I think I have an answer to your question now.”

You down the sip of red wine with a delicate smack of your lips, blinking at the change in topic. The evening has followed a pleasant pace so far, conversations well balanced; even though you still carry a sense of caution that Jungkook sees no reason behind.

Perhaps it’s the fact that after weeks of subtle, flirty undertones and advancing attempts you’ve taken the seat on his couch as he’s imagined for so long now. Maybe he still exudes something that screams for caution; maybe that’s just who you are.

Jungkook, for one, is just glad to receive any kind of recognition from you. But he’d be a fool to not insert all his effort into tonight, from the food to the type of drinks and conversations. He knows where he needs to be and he wants you to want it, too.

“What question?” you ask.

It’s just.

Despite the lightness with which you carry your talks, some of your movements feel off, detached from your body. Not quite matching the grace your face portrays; just that one hint. The one hiding in your fingers, tapping the dark screen of the phone resting on your thigh.

As if you’re waiting for a call or something to happen that Jungkook isn’t aware of. Who knows. Nothing has happened in the last hour, so this might be an unconscious gesture reasoned in nothing but an absent or distracted mind.

Yeah.

You’re probably not even aware of it and he’s just overthinking it.

He takes a breath, inhaling the aroma of the almost finished wine, “What I’d do if I could spend a day in a virtual reality.”

“Wait, does the Wembley Stadium doesn’t count anymore?”

Jungkook smirks, dismissing his own prior answer with a click of his tongue. “C’mon. Does it really? You can ask literally any artist ever and that’s what they’ll say.”

You ponder his response, pursing your lips in thought, and then shrug one shoulder. Nodding along, you acknowledge, “Right. So what is it then?”

“I’d just.” He sucks air through his teeth sharply, leaning back with a signature smack of his lips. “Get into a reality in which this damn song is already finished and mixed and ready to be released.”

This song referring to the concoction of sounds he showed you earlier, yet to be concretised and burnished to what he truly envisions. It’s the only song left that shackles him to the studio; at the upcoming concert, he’ll just sing the demo version as a sneak peak if needed. What a source of stress.

But you don’t see it as much of a struggle; you’ve told him a dozen times that hard work justifies a slip-up. That the progress on his album balances out the artist’s block.

Possibly why you laugh his worry off without mocking it, merely throwing back, “I’m disappointed.”

Oh?

“Why?”

“Just because — the Wembley answer was better.”

Unexpected and sudden — much like the snicker you elicit, throwing his head back just a little. Concurring, he sighs, “Okay, okay. What about you then?” He cocks an eyebrow. “You didn’t tell me what you’d do.”

“You didn’t ask,” you remind him, already slurring your speech a bit, though still remaining a stable and solid stance, “dunno. You want the sappy or the basic answer?”

“Is the sappy one a tear-jerker? Sounds like it.”

“For sure.”

“Then the basic one. Don’t dig being sad.”

“Thought so,” you answer, and Jungkook holds back from prodding again this time, despite wondering what image he gets across, “alright. I’d do things I’m unsure of in real life. Like bungee jumping.”

“Oh? Kinda did not expect this.”

“No?”

“Just having a hard time imagining somebody as calm as you jumping off a building. Or yelling.”

You roll your eyes. “Anyway. I’d love to go, but I’m too scared of the risks. Like, rope stuff. Don’t want to be jumping for the last time.”

“Okay, yeah, but,” Jungkook starts, hesitating, “I mean, you could say that about anything. You leave your apartment and get hit by a car and then you’d be going out for the last time.”

You begin shaking your head mid-sentence, already drawing a breath, ready to disagree. Then, “That’s a bad comparison. These things are a once in a lifetime experience.”

“I’m just saying! Why hold back from things that excite you.”

“…Maybe you’re right.”

Jungkook’s proud nod and hum are reciprocated with a soft smile, fleeting when you roll your eyes back to your phone briefly. Absent-mindedly, you drag a fingertip across the device’s side as Jungkook follows your movements.

Yet, unsure what you might be harbouring in this pretty head of yours, he doesn’t ponder but asks, “What was the sappy thing?”

It’s as if you live multiple lives, hiding them in your innermost parts; because once he finishes his question, your sparkle returns, and you smirk a little, suddenly leaning forward.

Wordlessly, you fish a tissue out of the square, wooden box, puzzling him for a second until he understands right before you clarify, “For the upcoming tears.”

His titter is immediate, a reflex. You might be relaxed as a calm river, but your humour does shine through among your other million traits. He shakes his head in rejection, smile still plastered to his lips, and watches you lean back again, clearing your throat.

“Mhh, I’d say,” you muse, “I’d try to get into a simulation of Heaven. Try to meet those I miss.”

“Oh… damn.”

“Yeah.”

“…I don’t know what to say.”

But despite the dumbstruck silence, his mind does conjure prompt associations. Like when the two of you sat in his studio just two weeks ago, you engrossed in his music yet somehow dissociated from reality.

You spoke about lost and faraway people back then, too. And he didn’t ask then, either.

In the depths of his mind, he wants to believe that you’re trying to lead him somewhere, fishing for his hand but never quite reaching it. Drawing back right before pleading for help; or perhaps wanting to make him understand a thought he can’t fathom in the way you form it.

The pattern is repetitive, loud — but he knows you’ll retract the moment he does lean into you, offering his ear to your worries and thoughts.

He can’t win.

“That’s okay,” you say, making up for his lack of proper empathy, and that’s where you leave it. Not hesitating, not indicating another hint to lead to your mind.

Yet, he clears his throat quietly, licking drying lips, and asks in attempt to grip the truth, your whatever-truth, “And, who’d be there? Do you want to talk about that?”

“Mmmmh,” you hum, pondering, before you treat him with the same disappointment he’s suffered throughout the last weeks, “no. I think I’m good.”

Unbelievable, and truthfully, frustrating.

Are you playing this side of yours? Is it an act? Are two sides of you fighting within you?

“Okay,” he simply responds, clearly agitated but unsure whether you notice. You’re looking at your phone again. He sighs. “And… Do you believe in that stuff? Heaven, Hell, stuff like that.”

You shrug a bare shoulder. “Dunno. I like to think there’s something, but then again I don’t.”

“How so?”

“The way I see it, it’s kinda simple,” you explain matter-of-factly, “some people are good enough to deserve a place in Heaven once they’re gone. And some people are terrible enough to burn for eternity.”

Coming from your sweet mouth, uttered in an equally soft tone, the sentence feels jarring. Jungkook has had these thoughts before; he’d be a hypocrite to judge you for yours, recalling moments when he wondered where he’s destined to land once he’s left this realm.

And somehow, it was never the prettier option.

Still, he utters, disguising his own past pondering, “Wow. That’s dark.”

“It’s true. There’s some serious crime in the world.”

Agreed. Perhaps, compared to the extreme sins, he can be forgiven. Right? Maybe…

“Yeah,” Jungkook accords, “then, why did you say that sometimes you don’t like believing in it?”

“I mean, if there’s actually something like Hell, and I happen to fuck up throughout life… I don’t wanna end up there.”

It’s like you’re mirroring his thoughts.

Even if he never quite thought about it to such an extent. Even though his idea of the afterlife built on what he’s already done, and not what he’s still going to do.

But your words give a subtle hope that redemption is possible. Who knows. Who really knows.

Perhaps it’s easiest to stray away from these thoughts and focus on you at this very moment. Even if it’s you triggering innermost fears; he doesn’t quite have a clue how you do it.

No matter. He’ll focus on you. Altruism might be the first step to vindication. Karma points. Karma points.

“Valid,” he says kindly, “can’t imagine you fucking up, though.”

“How would you know?”

“The company grapevine whispered a lil something about you.”

“Ahhh—”

“Good things! Other than that, I just think. Don’t know.” A small gap, well-hidden so far, grows in the back of his mind, tiptoeing to the very front of his mind. Before he’s thought it through, he blurts, “I’ll be honest with you.”

Your ears perk up, eyes suddenly wide.

What was that?

Okay. Whatever. Can’t stop his speech now, “Uhm, I’ll be honest and say that I’m not the best person I know. Like, I’m aware of that. It’s why sometimes, I don’t really understand how people can be as genuine as you.”

…Has he said too much? Or not enough? Because he could swear your face deflates, expression dimming, as if you expected something else.

And all you say is, “I understand.”

A flicker of slight panic creeps into his overthinking head, not usually a trademark of his personality. But you look dispirited, even if just for a second. He tries further.

“And from what I’ve seen, you go through life gently. The way you do anything is how you do everything, right?”

“Hmmm,” you voice again, pupils hidden until you look up. And when you do, he breathes a sigh of relief; deep and obvious, and he doesn’t care if you notice. Smiling sweetly, you tell him, “You said that really well.”

The way you say it is riddled with woe, but within a second, your eyebrows relax, mouth forming an authentic grin. Displaying real emotions suits you better than the mask of the frigid ice queen you keep plastered to your face; you look different right now.

Vulnerable.

And it makes him want you more.

Does it have something to do with the warm light he chose for this room? No. It doesn’t shine brightly enough to really illuminate your face that much. With the intensity lowered beforehand, some of your features hide in the dark when you lower your head a little.

And it’s not the decent amount of alcohol the two of you slurped.

It’s the usual, mysterious shimmer in your eyes, begging to take off more of your mental layers. The fragility behind the pretence of invincible strength. No doubt, you’re still a textbook definition of a femme fatale.

Still, there’s some sweet urge to surrender, visible in your stance. A fragrance luring him in. Warm skin close to his; calling for his fingers.

And he’s at your beck and call, ready and motivated; giving into your wanting eyes — or is that his own desire he’s confusing? — and leaning in. A little more with each tiny moment, advancing until the tips of your noses meet.

Your warmth consumes him; your breathing quickens, resulting in fitful exhales that he takes in with vigour, much drowning in his own head until you gasp and he realises—

“Sorry,” he mumbles, not yet retracting. His hand touches your knee, carefully but with intention. Waiting, he asks, “Is that okay for you?”

“…I’m not sure.”

Your answer takes a seat on his ego and weighs it down. Harsh, sudden, perhaps not unexpected but definitely breaking a string of patience within him. But consent is consent; he understands. He’s grown now.

Yet…

“Fuck,” he whispers under a faint sigh, dejected and confused.

And you hear it. Bambi-eyed, you ask, “What?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.”

He’d lie if he suppressed the disappointment. Working towards you for weeks was supposed to end in realising his fantasies into a palpable, actual feeling, with a side achievement of a deeper connection.

You don’t seem to want to provide it; he understands, but the agitation courses through him like a fire burning up a forest. The trees are his nerves; alight with different emotions. You’re fumbling with the soft cotton of your winter dress, and he averts his eyes.

Shutting them for a moment, he ponders his options; does he continue the awkward conversation? Or perhaps, ask you for your opinion straightforwardly? Maybe, after all this while, it wouldn’t be so stupid to swap a penny for your thoughts.

And his mouth opens, but it seems you’re faster. Crushing his questions and uncertainties when he hears you gulp, witness to another change of mind as your knee shifts forward. His eyes open rapidly, and when he looks at you again, you’ve moved closer.

Your leg touches his thigh; your eyelids half fallen, lips an inch apart and fingers hesitating, yet advancing towards him. Hope sparks and sparkles in him anew, and he suppresses the cheeky, triumphant smile.

He feels like an asshole. Oh, he feels so selfish — but he can’t be the only one. He cannot possibly be the first or last to give into deepest desires out of self-interest.

Carefully, he matches your pace, moving into your direction much like you are drawing into his. His hand lifts to your arm, and you suck in a breath as he touches your skin, your chest rising and falling deeply.

And his eyes observe. The motion drives him crazy. He wants to pilot his touch to this spot, wrap his palm around your mounds, desperate to feel your nipples perk up under his skin, your mouth fall wider.

Should he? Maybe, maybe—

Not yet.

Instead, he draws an invisible line with his fingertips, up your arm and to your shoulders until he reaches your neck. The sound you let out is so tiny he barely hears it, and you tilt your head to the other side, giving him free reign over your skin.

A spark lights up under his finger, as if he’s touched a defective bulb. He wonders if you feel the same flame when he charges for your jawline, tracing it for a moment before he moves to your seething hot cheek.

You’re burning up.

So he asks in a quiet, gravelly voice, somehow much lower than usual, “Are you okay?”

Your eyebrows are furrowed, and he starts to worry again; but maybe that’s just the same tension unleashing that he’s felt, too. The temptation runs deep; he could scream it out of his lungs and it wouldn’t be enough.

Relieved as you nod, he mimics the movement, whispering an, “Okay,” before he then dips forward, exhaling close to your neck hotly and… leaves a small kiss right there. He doesn’t know about you, but if you did that to him, he’d possibly faint.

One more kiss, and suddenly, your hand is on his knee. His head spins. Must be the alcohol. Must be you.

And you’re probably in no better state, judging the hot cheeks and the slight sway of your body. Must be the wine. Must be him.

And when his lips graze your jaw, your fingers curl in, clawing onto his knee, and his inner voice celebrates, “Jackpot.”

But not really. He’s going with the flow, exploring your preferences, but this needs to be the night of your life. His mind and ego want you to perceive it that way. So what should he do? What do you like?

Are you one to push him into the bed, holding his shoulders down? Straddling him keenly, pouncing on him, eyes rolled back?

Or do you give away all the power you usually emanate; hands bound with a tie, legs struggling between a rope, screams muffled under a gag? Do you wind and go crazy when somebody has their way with you, edging and then overstimulating, refusing a touch and then slapping your ass wound…

Should he let your siren eyes tempt him into submission or will you be the one drilled into his mattress with a hand around your neck and a trail of black mixed with tears under your eyes?

He doesn’t know. Because you’ve disguised all of you; hidden your mind behind a mask of absolute neutrality, hard to decipher. He can usually read women so easily. They lick their lower lips when they want him under them, and quiver when vice versa.

He’d oblige to either for you. So what does it matter in the end, anyway?

No, it doesn’t.

His tongue that lashes out, however, does matter. Tasting your skin as it drags over your chin and then to your mouth. Insane when he reaches your lower lip and you sigh, then back to your neck, blowing, teasing, still not kissing you… touching your thigh, moving inwards…

“What do you want me to do?” he asks.

And this time, while still a little quiet, you finally say, “More. You can do more.”

“Yeah?”

You nod as if starved, relieved when his hands leave your leg and venture further in. It’s hidden under your dress, but somehow, not seeing your full glory just yet, but observing your reactions to his movements, stirs his thoughts. If any were left, that is.

The touch to your panties is light, tender as he reaches the hem, driving a finger underneath it in exploration. You don’t say much, but he sees the zeal in your eyes, murmuring a little, “Mhm…”

And when he finally presses against the fabric slowly dampening, lightly as he rolls his digits right where your skin so incredibly softens… you moan. You moan.

It doesn’t sound the way he imagined. But it kind of does. He doesn’t remember what he imagined — doesn’t know much at all. Just that he wanted this sound to echo within his walls. For him to be the one to drag it out. Not for anybody else, but him.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Okay. What if he does… this…

Thought so.

Sometimes, human beings have a fantasy unmatched, don’t they? Able to form and reform expressions on people they know that they have never seen. For example, he can imagine what you look like when you cry. Or when you’re mad. Or…

He knew you’d press your lips together, along with your eyebrows, muffling your sound once he sought out your clit and pressed against it. And not because he’s seen other women contort their faces like this; no… it’s an entirely new sensation with you.

You don’t compare to anyone. Nobody compares to you. Nobody, ever.

Sick of watching the invisible movement under your dress, he lets his eyes wander to yours, and you notice, do as he does. Eyes hooded, staring at him as if drunk — possibly, probably drunk.

Just once, he gapes down again, trying to adjust without crushing your knees with his. Comes closer. Then looks back at you. Absolutely astonished by the coloured lips drying up. Seeing your tongue peak behind your upper teeth, pushing against them.

Then you’re blinking, several times, not rapidly, but enough to indicate that you’re losing yourself, too. And then there’s some melancholy behind your gaze; he can’t say where it derives from… you seem to be coming out of a room that you kept dark for long enough.

He can’t say whether he’s further dimming the light in that room or lightening it up — and as he advances, gauging your reactions, he inwardly hopes it’s the latter.

So inwardly. So desperately.

Patience only persists for a moment; Jungkook barely believes in it. People always break. And he does when you lean forward as he drags his finger between your pussy lips, still over the clothing. You balance your weight with your arms, holding yourself up.

And then…

You so tantalisingly, softly, quietly, whisper his name.

Okay.

The snap was expected. The sigh he lets out was expected. And the way his lips finally crash against yours, making you almost fall back onto the sofa was expected, too.

But your taste… Why did he know you’d be as sweet as a cliché, like a perfume made edible? Matches your mystery and your elegance.

And the mellow, yet wanting sounds fit every move he makes. Like the moan-sigh combination when his bold hand wraps around the bun you’ve arranged your hair into. How you breathe into the kiss when he tilts your head a little, and then proceeds to loosen up said bun.

Releases it. Lets your hair fall. Pulls you in, pausing the make-out in the process, and then diving back in with a greed he’s never been met with before.

And as he kisses you, his index finger still dips into the uncharted territory below, ruining your panties some more as he soaks them; fucking loving how you whimper as a result.

No… this is ruining him just as much.

So he draws back from your body, attempting and probably failing not to look at you like an animal glaring down at his prey, ready to devour. He’s never seen this expression himself, but one or two girls have uttered quiet, “Oh-oh,” in such moments before — do you see the danger, too?

Or is he being cocky? But it’s not his fault. You make him cocky because he can never fucking say what you think! Of course he’d need the mental praise to himself — your opinion on him is too difficult to decipher.

He’ll keep the energy up. Make you shrink in his hold.

Hands under your ass, he lifts your lower body a little, amused by your wide eyes and how you wonder, “What are you d—”

Silencing the moment he uses his palms’ position to grab the hem of your panties and pull them down your legs. Over them and then on the other side of the table. The two of you won’t need those tonight.

“What does it look like that I’m doing?” he teases, smirk effective and permanent.

He likes that about himself. Maybe you’ll do, too. If not, then you at least do like how his fingers, impatient, find their way back home again, not before lifting your dress to your hips until you’re bared to him the way he’s craved.

And he pauses.

Oh, this treasure…

“You…” he starts, moving two ring-clad fingers between your folds. Testing the waters. “I’m not letting you go anywhere tonight. You’re staying right here…” He leans forwards, body on body, whispering against your lips. “Trapped under me.”

You want to answer, he thinks. Your eyebrows relax for a second, an inebriated smile playing around your mouth. If he knows you well enough, he’d guess you’re urging to dive back into your witty remarks.

But none of it is possible just yet. Because when he caresses your pussy again, increasing the pace without being too unreasonably fast, you bite your lip. He urges you to release it with his tongue. And when you do, his finger plunges in; as deeply as it can. So easily, too.

He kisses your clavicles the moment your nails get ahold of his arms, wiggling underneath him, but still caged in. And he sees the built-up frustration; how you kept yourself at bay, but can barely do it now. How you yearn for just one or two more right touches here and there before…

But before he can, he stops. Immediately, unexpectedly for you. Once again, mean, but…

“You’ll thank me later,” he utters — and with those four measly words, something awakens in you that was hidden for just the last ten minutes.

“Oh? You… you’re confident like this.”

“Of course I am.”

“Jungkook…” you say in such frustration that he thinks you’ll beg some more. But you don’t. Instead, you shake your head and say. “Men rarely manage to…”

“This isn’t rare. I’m not giving you rare, ‘kay?”

“I…”

“How…” he readjusts your body, pulling you down the couch, shifting until his knee keeps your legs apart. “How fucking insulting.”

Do you hear any of this anymore? Because your eyes are closed again. Hands still holding on; and… and body winding in order for your cunt to shift closer to him, suddenly rubbing against his knee.

It’s all you can get at the moment since his hands are so far out of reach. And the satisfaction of knowing that you’ll strive for anything at all is cosmic.

“You’re ruining my jeans,” he mocks, clicking his tongue as if to reprimand.

“Then…” You hook a finger into one of his jeans’ loops, pulling and then releasing again. “Take them off, coward.”

You don’t have to tell him twice. They say that if you have waited for so long, what’s ten more minutes? But no more. Not another second.

So he obliges immediately as he mutters, “‘Kay,” offering a helping hand when you work on his shirt. Off and to the ground. Pants off and to the back of the couch. He already knows he’ll be finding them all scattered the next morning.

But that’s the problem of just that next-morning-self.

Boxers still on, he returns to give you another initial taste of what’s to explode. The dress moves up from your hip as he slides it over your skin, stopping right under the mounds he’s still so curious about.

He needs to keep this balanced. Rush as much as might be appropriate, but not too much to make things embarrassing. This… the way he leans down again, opening your legs, erection grinding against your pussy and offering the bare minimum… this is good enough for now…

Or maybe not. Because merely a couple seconds later, you halt mid-moan, letting out breathy words that he struggles to understand until you repeat, “Is that… all you’ll be doing tonight?”

“Hmmm, you want more?”

“I— I don’t know.” Pause, a gulp when he presses his clothed length between your cunt. “Are you going to tell me your secrets if I say yes?”

His secrets?

You must be kidding. He has been an open book to you, chasing you around; if anything, he needs to unravel your mind.

But for that, he needs to play along. So he feigns the same mystery you emanate, teasing, “What do you wanna know?”

And you don’t hesitate. “Everything.”

…Hmm…

You’ve never seemed as interested as you are now. Never dove into his thoughts and the dim heart like now. If he agreed now, would you blurt out something specific? Questions that you formed when he wasn’t paying attention?

No idea. Maybe that’s something to worry about later. Pillowtalk. The morning after talk. Just anything… just not now.

He removes the obstacles currently standing between the two of you. The cushion standing against the back of the couch, constantly falling into your face. He throws it on the ground, so you don’t have to keep swatting it away.

Then, the dress covering your body. He gives a sign of wanting to proceed, and you play along, lifting yourself, chasing his lips as your outfit follows the cushion. And then, the phone right underneath the small of your back, having snuck there, undetected until you yelp, “Oh!”

“What?”

“Cold. Don’t know how it got there.”

He fishes out the device, watching it light up, a notification at the top that he can’t decode and that he doesn’t pay any mind to. Puts it on the coffee table. Then… last but not least… the uncertain atmosphere.

He says, “You want to know everything? Then make a list. I’ll tell you if I feel like it… deal?”

“You’re so…”

“You gotta make me. No other way out, baby.”

An answer lies on your tongue, ready to disrupt the moment. He knows because you look distracted all of a sudden, possibly still thinking about the same thing you did before, dissociating as he sat next to you, wine in hand.

It’s probably about work. Or about Taehyung — God, nobody at work but Jungkook would know, but you mention that guy all the time.

But tonight is not the night to think of others. So he shakes your upcoming inquiries away, giving you no time to think about it further as he, thirsty and impatient, picks you up and off the couch.

Right into his lap. Right onto his cock.

Still a layer between the two of you, watching you grind immediately. For a moment, you put him under your spell, urging him to stay right there and not move away until he’s shot buckets of cum into his boxers.

But…

But he’d rather do it in you, with you, because of truly you.

So he wastes no second as he executes his former plan, large hands sprawling over your ass before he stands with willpower and strength. He throws you a couple inches into the air, making you adjust, and then moves.

Away from the couch, stepping onto the clothes on the floor, careful not to stumble and hurt the two of you. The way to the bedroom seems endless, and you so naked… so… so his for the night. Like what, he still needs to wait those couple square metres?

Fuck, how…

No. It must be a primal instinct that hankers him to give up already, having made it halfway through the room and almost to his bedroom when he suddenly stops. Pinning you against a random free spot at the wall, right under a silent clock.

“What are you…?”

Your voice is trembling, for some reason so incredibly small. For the first time since you lay beneath him on the couch, he sees your eyes properly, and they flit back to the couch as if you’re looking where you just departed from — and then back to him.

“What are you looking for?” he whispers. Tantalisingly, he brings his fingers to your chin, pinching it lightly as he raises your head. “Hm? I’m here. Do you want to go back? Missing the couch? Wall might not be as comfortable, huh…”

“No… that’s not a problem. I’m just… surprised by the change.”

You do look surprised. A little cheekier again as your tone rises, your head falling to the side, lips smiling as if to distract him from something bigger. As if there’s anything bigger in existence right now than you.

“It was just sudden,” you conclude.

“Is that bad?”

“Not at all. I’m just curious.”

He doesn’t need to ask what about. He sees it in this expecting gaze of yours that you want to read and decrypt his next steps. And you can have them.

Because he lets you go, making you fall silently on your feet, kissing you once before he falls to his knees. You groan when he grabs your leg, placing it on his shoulder, restless when his lips charge for your open folds.

He offers you, “Curious, huh? No need,” before kissing your clit, adding another, “Just indulge in it… no need to use your pretty brain today,” and then attaching his mouth and tongue to your dripping pussy.

Digging his large nose into you, tickling your nub, he swirls his tongue around, slurping you up like his favourite drink. Holy fuck, you taste good. He could eat you up, down you in one like a shot. Stay right here all night.

You get ahold of a patch of his hair, but don’t pull — somehow, he wishes you would. Instead, you seem to focus on your body, trying not to fall, keeping it upright. You’re winding, your leg moving, and he soon wraps an arm around your thigh to keep you from stirring too much.

And with the other, he targets your cunt, mouth moving up to make space for the digits to easily, effortlessly slide into you. You gasp, just a bit louder when the metal touches your hot sex, calling his name — and for possibly the first time, he hears you curse, “Fuck. Fuck, I’m— I’m going to pass out.”

Oh my God.

If he could lick you to unconsciousness, he’d feel shocked and proud at once. He wants to see you become weightless, wants to catch you in his arms, and then bring you to his bedroom, still delirious, and fuck your brain out of you.

He wants you so bad. He wants to fuck you so fucking badly. His cock aches, godfuckingdamn.

As he rolls his tongue, lips kissing yours, moving his head left and right as he makes out with your pussy, he almost pulls all the way through. Nearly gives into your body language, nose moving over your clit, fingers pumping in and out, breathing into your pussy hotly.

But he has other plans. He wants to see your damn tears; wants you to unleash all your desperation. So, just when your sounds change, less pauses between them, high-pitched, heavy breathing, he stops.

Draws back, watching you press your ass into the wall, head suddenly hanging low. You whisper, “No…” as he looks up in satisfaction, waiting for you to say more.

You’re out of breath, exhaling through half gritted teeth, a palm on his chest as he rises again. You declare, “I’m going to blueball you, too.”

But the adrenaline has poured buckets of confidence over Jungkook already, and he’s drenched in it as much as in your scent, cocking an eyebrow as he challenges, “You can try.”

“I’m gonna suck your dick so fucking slow.”

“Do it,” he keeps the mask up, wondering how much of the effect you saw upon gracing him with such a provocative image, “let’s see if you make it this far. Might just fuck you into space before that, you know?”

He lets out an unsteady breath, a strand of your hair swaying upon impact. His hand taps at your thigh, testing whether you’ve closed your legs again; and as he realises that you haven’t, much to his pleasure, he palms your pussy, heel of his hand pressing against your clit.

“You’re trying to set me off, because you know you can, right?” he questions, for a split moment distracted by the teeth gnawing at your lower lip. “Smart of you. You are truly smart, babe… but you’re also mine tonight. So don’t play games.”

A slap lands on your vulnerable pussy, and he understands your frustration as you open your mouth, the lower lip previously captive rolling back into place. Soft and gorgeous.

No matter the fading distance, there’s still something inexplicable in the air, as if he can’t really separate a dream from reality. As if he needs evidence that this isn’t yet another figment of his imagination; the ones he’s awoken from several times, underwear threatening to burst.

The hand just torturing your cunt wanders up your body and settles around your neck, like a chain or a necklace or a motherfucking leash. He feels home here, just like this. With your fingers on his wrist, gulping under his touch.

Pinned firmly against the wall, he looks down to where you’re dripping and he’s standing tall, gripping the ever-twitching length that is begging for more. Begging for relief. He’s doing this to himself — because his body is burning up, as if scorched by sun flares.

He’s doing this to the both of you.

The kiss underneath your ear as he leans in. And the still harmless yet sinful touch between his tip and your folds. How he holds the shaft firmly, leading the head between your pussy lips, teasing until just an inch intrudes your awaiting hole.

He moans the moment you do, moving, fucking just the first of the tip into you; scrambling his own thoughts as he says, “God, I could just slide in… you’re so, so wet.”

“What… why say this if you won’t do it?”

Guess you’ve figured him out well enough. Guess that’s the cockiness you implied when you called him a fuckboy in that stupid museum. Or how you kept a safe distance — because thinking about it, maybe Jungkook could be someone to break somebody’s heart.

No. He knows he is. But…

He shakes the thought off his brain, returning to this very moment where you’re waiting for his answer, a heart made of steel. You won’t let him hurt you; you know better than that. You could dodge him easily.

Mentally, at least. Physically, you’re under his mercy.

So he uses this weakness, muttering under his breath, “I will, I will… but not here. We can do better than here.”

Wasn’t this just a pit stop after all? What he’s seeking is still waiting in his bedroom, soft sheets spread over the cold mattress, waiting for a body to warm it up. Or two.

Already hot and bothered, Jungkook lets you go entirely; and the next minute happens in a blur, as though he’s struggling with recognising his own apartment. Suddenly self-conscious about everything and nothing at once.

With you in his grip, he walks along the dark, small corridor; then past the paintings, through the door, into a well-managed, tidy bedroom until he’s sat your ass down. It happens within the tiniest moment — he could narrate how you got here but he can barely recall it.

Dick at the same height as your mouth, he wraps his hand around it. You don’t initiate anything of what you promised, looking into his eyes with a question; he knows you want to avenge yourself and provide the same vanity, but you’d rather skip to the best part.

He wants to, too.

So he doesn’t ram his cock into your mouth, hitting the farthest spot until you gag. Instead, he relishes the image mentally and quietly, fantasising about the warmth of your spit, about the tongue swirling around.

And then… then he goes a step further and imagines the even extended pleasure if he dug into your pussy now, maximising whatever your mouth could make him feel.

Are his thoughts too straight-forward? If he spelled them out like this, one by one, would you find him weird? Too eager? Obsessed?

Maybe he should slow down. Just a bit.

Which is why he holds his shaft closer to you, still surprised when you don’t open up, hints of the past confusion alternating with your confident, mysterious, teasing self. It’s weird to witness. But your eyes are still hazy at least. You don’t seem to want to stop.

God. He can’t figure it out. Not figuring out is agitating even in this moment.

But… good energies. Good energies. All the pent-up frustration needs to be morphed into sheer craze. He can do that.

“Spit on it,” he orders.

You only hum. Something in your gaze changes again, eyelids fluttering, as if awoken from trance. But you’re willing. Immediately mimicking him as you bring a thumb to a mole on the protruding veins. Tracing them, all the way back to his balls until you touch them just lightly, but enough for him to nearly lose his shit.

“Fuck, I said,” he reprimands, though delighted by the sudden rapture, “spit on it.”

You nod as if carrying out a task given by your manager; perhaps used to the last days and weeks when he’d command you around. Ask for another meeting, or for your opinion on a song, or just to keep him company to keep him productive.

Or, to keep you close to him. Lost in thoughts. Many thoughts. And even though none of them became a reality in that room, none of the equipment shoved aside to sit you on the desk, this… this right here is more than enough.

You suck in your cheeks, collecting spit, and when you lean forward… you make such a mess. Spitting onto the tip, a string still connecting your lips and his dick, leftover saliva dripping down your chin and then on your tits.

The view is… worth diamonds.

Do you even know?

“Okay,” he utters, no real direction in his mind, no real sentence to utter. “Okay.”

But you’re equipped with ideas, immediately getting onto the trail you left, spreading the spit over his cock, down to the base. The tip and the slit glisten, traces of precum mixing with your drool, but it’s not enough to cover his length all over.

So he mutters a mental, “More,” to himself, tapping your lips until you open, sticking two of his fingers in and pressing against your tongue. Lubricating his digits, he rolls them over your tongue, far enough to nearly make you gag until he draws back.

Watching you work on him rolls a wave of satisfaction over him. He’s proud, enduring like this. Because judging from the creature you are, as if jumped out of dark mythology, he truly expected to give up way earlier.

But he remains steadfast; eager to not explode until he’s filled you up first. Drawn out your own highs.

“Sweetheart, aren’t you a good one?” Jungkook praises, helping you out with whatever his fingers gathered in your mouth. Then, grabs your wrist, pushing you away, hovering above you with a, “Turn around.”

You gulp again. Then shift back on his bed, sighing as you feel the soft silk underneath your skin, kissing and hugging your body. The sight is gorgeous, with you fleeing to the back of the mattress, obliging so easily. Prey.

And…

“Holy fuck.”

Holy fuck, how you look when you finally get into position. Ass up, upper body down. And the arms over your head? What in the world.

Okay… okay…

Wait. You’re saying something.

His knees dig into the mattress, hand unconsciously pumping his cock — he doesn’t even know when he started — as he moves closer, over your body. Kisses your shoulder, bringing his ear close to hear before, “Huh? What’d you say?”

“I’m already so spent.”

“Ah… do you want to stop?”

“No… you made me feel spent. But you’re not done, are you?”

Pause. Bright smirk. Then, “Of course not. Does it feel like it?” Another kiss to your shoulder, wet this time. “Condom or not?”

“Oh.” Seems you hadn’t even thought about this yet. Kind of nice. “I’m… I use an IUD. Have you… slept with many people lately?”

No answer yet. He thinks. Thinks back to the several weeks since he met you. Should he say it? Would you back away if he did? Years ago, there’d be no debate about it — he wouldn’t have told you. Kept it to himself.

Perhaps there’s still a part of him that’d dodge your question, but he somehow feels like you’d see through him. Hear the insincerity. 

Fuck, is that selfish? Maybe. Doesn’t he already know that he is? But he’s not bad; and people are selfish.

So a second later, he truthfully admits, “Once. Two or so weeks ago. Nothing special though, just dumb, drunk shit. Some girl from a club. And I tested after.”

As soon as the sentence finishes, he wonders if you deem yourself just another one of those. But… in all honesty. She was a one night stand whose sounds, name, dirty talk did nothing to him.

All he could imagine was you. Perhaps not out of loyalty, but surely out of curiosity.

He can’t fathom his thoughts into feelings yet; he still wouldn’t describe his attitude towards you as falling in love or anything. That’d be too far stretched. But he thought about it — that maybe he liked you too much.

Yet, his heart remained empty; but his body never did. He feels bad; and still, he won’t deny whatever his skin and mind whisper to him.

Other than that, he could probably declare with quite a firm certainty that you don’t feel any different about him. You can’t be.

So maybe this is good enough for now.

“But know what?” he says, voice lower, repeating his thoughts. “Could only imagine what it’d be like if it was you. This pussy,” strokes his cock along your cunt, “and this body,” touches the small of your back, “these thoughts got me going. And you’re so much better in reality.”

“Mmmh,” is all you utter, nearly hiding your face in the pillow before you say, “maybe… maybe we can still use a condom then.”

Shit. Expected it.

But okay. Okay.

Where are the condoms again… bedside table? No. He used the last one ages ago, before he knew you. He gets up; walks to the closet; somewhere near his socks, there must be a new pack. A moment to think.

For a second, he looks back at you. You’re still the same, only with the ass having dropped again, losing balance and energy. And maybe, you’re still drunk, too — probably, because even he still feels the world spin, careful not to close his eyes for too long.

Okay. One… no, two foils out. As he turns back to you, nearing you, his head is just a little calmer than a minute again, and he wonders… were all the thoughts his own? The past half an hour or however much passed, didn’t he spiral more and more?

Did you notice? He shakes his head. Who cares?

Not him, not right now. He keeps telling himself that with a goddess waiting in front of him on all fours, he probably doesn’t need to worry about anything unless there’s a reason to. You’ve been cooperative and the night has been successful, minus the strange gazes you keep throwing at him periodically.

“Alright, baby. Up you come,” he mumbles, bringing your ass back to his crotch. His hands are already trained and incredibly skilled; doing work on the condom doesn’t take him more than a couple seconds. “I should tell you now.”

You pause. Suck in some breath, as if expecting something in particular. You agree with an unmatched thirst for knowledge, “…Tell me.”

“I don’t tend to go easy. If you need me to be, you’ll have to tell me. ‘Kay?”

“I… I can take a lot more than you think.”

Fuck. He’ll wreck your shit. “Perfect. You’re honestly a good one, huh? Such a good girl for real, no— no, you’re the best.”

Is he just saying whatever now? Perhaps he should stop boring you and get to it. Right? Please, the goddamn, blood-filled tower down there is desperately imploring him to.

He collects spit like you did before, targeting your glinting pussy, one blob right onto it. Then, he brings his fingers back to where they love to be, distributing the filth between your folds. And then, two fingers into the tightening hole.

Right before moving north, between your ass cheeks, thumb rolling over your other clenching hole. 

And you tense immediately, without saying a word, taking it quietly. Then… then he finally starts.

Brings the annoying rubber to your soaked pussy, poking for a second before he gets serious and eventually dips in. The free hand raises your ass some more, and he shifts forwards, your butt backwards, helping him get in further.

He hears the reaction. Hears the almost-screech in a second, nails biting into the pillow over your head. You hold onto it for dear life as he slowly bottoms out, your sporadic breathing and high-pitched moans mingling with his own bursts of lust.

Deep creases appear between his eyebrows, lips bitten sore, and once his waist has finally connected with your ass, he takes a deep, long inhale. Watches your face disappear deeper into the pillow, sounds muffled.

Enjoys it for a moment before he starts moving slowly. Out, in. Concentrating before he might spill too early. Beads of sweat shimmer on his forehead, dampening the hanging strands of hair. You feel good. Too fucking good—

He wants to go off right away. But… focus.

“How’s that?” he asks.

“Stop… stop talking.”

Oh. Bold. But a good sign, isn’t it? If you wanted him to stop, you’d say it. So he keeps going… dares just a little more, courageous, encouraged by your cooperation. Explores your ass and what lies between the cheeks more, groaning before he says, “You stop that.”

His hand reaches for your wrists, keeping you from tearing his pillow and leading your fingers to where his touched your ass before. You keep your touch there, unmoving until he says, “Keep them apart.”

And you seem to understand. His thumb returns to your unoccupied hole as his cock impales your pussy whole, still going at a tormenting pace. Thick and soaked, he’s splitting you in two; maybe that’s why the slow plunges are such a plague. Because both of you know there could be more.

Pulling your ass cheeks apart, you remain with your face in the sheets, arms trembling as he circles your hole again. He doesn’t know if you’re into this; doesn’t know if you’ll protest. So far, he’s been pretty obvious with his intentions, and he’s sure you must understand this one, too.

And you’re not fearful; if something bothered you, you wouldn’t hesitate to voice your displeasure. So he spits one more time, right onto his thumb, using the lubrication to carefully, curiously dip the tip of his thumb into your ass.

You yelp immediately; as your hole tightens around the little bit of his thumb, your pussy narrows around his cock, too, and he nearly loses it. Nearly drools onto your back as his mouth drops open, blinking rapidly for a second.

God, your body reacts with such intensity. Still, he makes sure, “Too much?”

And you, candidly, reply, “I don’t know. I… think so.”

“Okay. Then I’ll sto—”

“No. No, wait… I want to— I want to know what it’s like.”

Thought so. He knew that underneath all the chic charade, you crave just as much as he does. And if it’s him that you long for, then what even stands between him and the rocket shooting his ego to the sky?

This feels good. Really good… not just physically. You lift his spirits.

Ready with an exhale, he dares his thumb deeper, letting more of it disappear in you. Out of all the women he’s ever been with, not more than a handful has been willing to venture into this part of sexual desire. Most of them can’t stand the discomfort, and some of them don’t feel any particular way about it.

But you lay open to him in every way possible. An open book for once; easy to read, as if calculating how you wind, planning how to sound, guiding him fearlessly.

Soon, he’s adjusting his thrusts to your moans, and you’re adjusting your moans to his thrusts. Synchronised, the two of you groan and cry out together, and he makes sure to keep you filled to the brim, reducing the pauses between the shoves bit by bit.

Until…

“Hey,” he whispers, waiting for you to react, but as he pumps into you, slowly yet balls-deep, you don’t do anything much but scream into the pillow. So he just continues, “How much do you think you can take, baby?”

“I… I’m—”

You’re attempting your best, but you’re tongue-tied. With each push, he catapults your body forwards, but your mind is long lost in the stratosphere. With gritted teeth and a rising, heavily breathing, golden chest, he leans in close to you, hand snaking under you and around your neck as he retries, “So?”

“I don’t know,” you blurt, and as you raise your head and look back at him, he sees a sight to behold — mascara underneath your eyes, lipstick smeared, a quivering chin. He’s fucking you so good; he must be, because you soon add, “Just do an—and I’ll let you know.”

“Good idea. Very good idea.”

He’s fucking you good. But it’s not all he’s got; not all he’s wanted for days and weeks.

No. If he unleashed all he’s been fabricating in his mind, he’d drench your cheeks in tears. And now that you permitted him to, he might just go ahead, right?

Right.

Which is why the next steps come easy to him, naturally, as if you pressed a button he’s been waiting to smash. A big, red one, like the ones in games urging you to not touch or you’d lose. But by God, right now, he’s not losing.

If he looked into his reflection in the dark window, he’d see a winner through and through.

A fiery rage courses through his burning veins. A face contorting when he lets you go, only to move his fingers back, wrapping them around the back of your neck. Shoving you into the mattress, ramming his cock into you, once more keeping the familiar pace and then—

And then he closes his eyes. Matches an expression to your yelps. Drives into your deepest core and picks up speed until, all of a sudden, it turns jarring.

Jungkook doesn’t get enough. He doesn’t know if he ever will; damn the approaching end of this. There shouldn’t be one; he should be capable of ruining you forever. Maybe he will be.

For now, he directs his thoughts fully on how you feel and how you sound, uncaring about the jagged breathing that burns up his chest. Leaning forward, he attempts twice until he catches your ears, nibbling at your earlobe.

At first, he doesn’t know if you register the touch, given that he’s occupying you with far crazier sensations. But then you reach out a hand, panting into the pillow, grabbing a patch of his hair. 

And he, fired up and insane, leans back, gripping your wrist, removing it from his mane and pinning it to your back instead. Your face moves to the side, not muffled by the pillow anymore, and you gasp for air before you beg, “Please, I’m about to—”

That’s all you get, because he soon interrupts with a cheeky, “You can hold on for a bit longer,” pausing on purpose. He wants to see you when you come. Wants to wipe more of your make up across your face. Wants to kiss the colour of your lipstick onto his own lips.

Letting your orgasm fade, he waits, just a couple seconds, allowing you to catch your breath until your eyebrows furrow. You blink repeatedly, then looking up into his eyes, and it’s all he needs to feel his patience dissipate again.

Jungkook gets into a new position, leaving one knee deep in the mattress while angling the other leg, planting its foot on the sheets. He keeps his cock from falling out, leading the tip and the shaft back in before he resumes to fuck you wound.

Your arm is still hostage to his grip, the nails of your other hand gripping the sheet for dear life. It’s gorgeous, the view from where Jungkook looks down at his meal. Crazy how you purr and whine when he leans in, touching your swollen clit, electrifying you. And he keeps looking at you.

At the upper body waving a white flag, too weak to keep yourself upright anymore. And then, the ass in the air staying firmly at its place, his dick aiding you, the flesh of your cheeks wobbling with each thrust, like an ocean wave. Whenever it collides with his hips, the slaps resound temptingly, and Jungkook soon mimics it by letting his hand fall hard on your ass.

You mewl, calling out his name twice, the second cry half uttered, half of the Jungkook omitted. And when you catch the tiniest of your breaths, still working with drying lungs, you say, “L-let me come, please—”

“Wait,” he says again, still sadistic, still masochistic, absolutely out of his mind before an idea lights up his mind. “This isn’t it yet.”

The finger working on your nub was an evil tactic, he’s got to admit. Perhaps he led you to believe something he’s not ready to give you yet, and once you seem to realise, you let out a sob.

And he’s positively delighted once he stops. Lowers his head to look at you. Sees the dark, smeared mascara on his pillow when he digs his fingers in your hair, pulling your head back as he says, “I know. You thought we were done, right? We’re not done, though.”

“Wha—”

He lets his body fall onto the mattress, right next to you, and pulls you in, back against his chest. Hand under your tits, pressing against them, moving them up and down before pinching your nipple once.

“I said,” he repeats, probably unnecessarily, because he doesn’t think you actually demand an answer, “I’m not done. Understand?”

And as expected, you don’t nod or answer. You only push your body further into his, and he reckons that’s a mighty sufficient implication already.

As you lay sideways with a breath as heavy as his, his exhales hot against your ear, you let out sounds reminiscent of marathon runners. You’re exhausted, sweaty, and so is he — but neither of you are finished, and he’d be damned if he permitted the night to end like this.

Diligently, he throws your quivering leg over his; your impish remarks have lessened since he took over, and in turn, his own insolent emotions are reigning supremely. He leads his submerged, rock-hard, twitching cock to your battered cunt, pushing in so easily he thinks he’s dreaming.

It’s like putting a key into its lock.

“Ahh, fuck.” It’s hard to fully bottom out in this position, but he can touch you so much better now. He lets his hands explore your bare body, fondling with your tits, kissing your ear and jaw. “Hold tight. You’re doing so good for me, sweetheart.”

It’s cruel, he knows; the gentle praises as he wreaks havoc down there. He crosses your wrists against your tummy, holding them tight, and you close to him. Fucks you dumb and stupid as you wail in his arms. Moves to your clit and gives it pleasant, gentle rubs, so opposite from the rest of his ministrations.

And the pressure builds. His balls, hard as steel, prepare to shoot their load into you, his cock impossibly stiff, but… but…

You haven’t come yet. And this position won’t do. Can’t do, won’t do, he needs to see you.

So he echoes, “Won’t do,” as he gets up again, keeping the previous position short lived. Doesn’t stay away for too long before he’s on his knees, pulling your legs apart, after the briefest interruptions deep inside again before he leans into you.

And then, everything happens crazy fast.

How he keeps you from wrapping your arms around him; instead, capturing your wrists once again, raising them next to your head. How he moves to kiss you for the first time after quite a while, intertwining your tongues, moaning hard as he feels his high approach.

The fast pace changes a little as he loses his mind and focus, one of the strokes stopping as he almost pulls out, and then plunges in again. Your fingers curl in, nails sharp enough to dig into the digits that hold you, and he cries out in delight, letting a breathy chuckle fall.

He says, “Alright, yeah. Next time… we’re tying you up. Love how you whine.” He lets one hand go, gripping your face again and you move your touch to his shoulder immediately, gasping. “You always p-play the mysterious girl, huh? But you’re so pathetic right now.”

The inhibitions are out the window. The overthinking, too. Whatever he thought might make you run away from him has long exited his mind, because he’s got you right here, under his control, nearing the end.

There’s no going back. No return to his yearning, because you’ve satisfied it so thoroughly.

Time to give it all back to you. One last time before he submerges himself in all his glorious egotism.

“There we go,” he says as he watches your expressions change. You open your mouth but don’t say anything. He doesn’t know what your orgasm feels like, but he knows you’re going through it. “Let it all out. Cream my cock, I fucking dare you.”

He’s saying whatever now, he knows. But he doesn’t have the capacity to think much as creases appear on your forehead and between your eyebrows, tongue mingling with his for a short moment when he goes in for another kiss, barely succeeding.

You’re trembling, lifting your hips as much as the weight above you allows, wanting more friction, more of a touch inside your pussy, on your clit, everywhere. And then, when you do come… when he brings the stars from the sky into your eyes…

Yours roll back into your head. Throwing it back, giving him access to your neck. Lips still apart, and he uses it to push a finger into your mouth, on top of your tongue. And fuck… how your pussy constricts. How it tightens so fucking much.

He’d be lying if he said it didn’t affect him.

So much so that his head spins; and as he feels himself getting dizzy, he buries his face in the pillow next to your head before moving it to kiss your shoulder. Barely looks at you anymore; doesn’t care, it’s his high now, he wants to fucking come, and that’s it.

Finally, finally he’s gotten to this point.

Will he hate himself for these thoughts later? Is this too over the top? He doesn’t know and he doesn’t care, doesn’t care.

His thoughts are occupied, alright, don’t need another string of questions to intervene. His attention remains resolutely on his movements, vigorous, rhythmic, your sounds perfectly matching each of his strokes.

And your hands, the poor little palms, unsure where to settle. This isn’t new; across this broad back of his, every girl’s touch wanders like this. Your nails scratch the small of his back, then up his spine, across the muscles of his shoulder blades.

The fact that you’re a goner as much as him, giving yourself to him is probably the last of reassurances he needs — as if any more were required. Because still panting into your skin, eyes shut tight, he works towards the peak of his sanity, exhausted but eager as he relishes the wet tightness of your pussy; surrounding him just right, still clenching, unclenching from your orgasm.

And then—

“Ohhh, fuck,” he whispers.

His voice is shaking uncontrollably; he barely recognises it. Which… must mean this is new, right? Experience be damned, apparently you spark off phenomena nobody has ever acquainted him with before.

And oh, how you make it worse once he finally emerges again, as if catching his breath after holding it underwater for too long. Your eyes are hooded as he gets on his knees over your body, caging your hips in between his legs. Gripping one of your tits, you nibble your lower lip for a second before letting out laboured breathing, nose flaring.

It’s all he needs. All that’s left when he rips off the condom and envelops his filthy cock with his veiny hand, stroking immediately and hard. Close to the end as he rushes to ask, “Where do you want it?”

You understand what he’s asking, and nod, back to yourself when you utter mysteriously, “Anywhere but inside…” Okay. No time to ask why not — but he wouldn’t have anyway. He obliges, giving his all, one more second left before you tell him just in time, “Here.”

Your palm rubs across your skin, moving over your tits and your stomach. So he’s quick to opt away from your face and redirect his aim to where you pointed, moaning out a couple last, broken vocals before he finally spills.

Milky white, multiple blotches scattered over your skin, like a modern art painting. He’d rather draw these all day than be stuck with you in a museum restaurant, staring from afar, wishing he could reach out under the goddamn public table.

Going until he’s empty, he senses a relief unknown to him thus far, mind suddenly vacant. Once again, the ocean; he feels like the ocean. Like the water as it stills and calms after a thunderous storm. You lifted the waves of his sea high above and have now turned him into a lazy, peaceful lake.

God, he should fuck you more often; you make him a poet.

Okay. Okay, where was he?

When did he unfocus? Dizzy all of a sudden. He puffs out a breath. Then takes another look at you. Watches as you spread the sticky substance over your mounds, touching your nipple, so indecently messy.

The smirk is unintentional but inevitable, reaching far as he shakes his head at you. You smile back wordlessly, and he lets his fingertip run over his cum, too, bringing it to your lips as he asks, “Taste?”

You don’t answer. Thinking for the barest second before you scoff, stretching out your tongue before he puts the finger on it; closing your eyes, sucking it clean. He groans at the feeling; luckily, he’ll be immobile for the foreseeable future, or he’d bend you over again.

“Okay. That should be enough for now,” he breathes, letting himself fall next to you. “I promise I’m a lot more energised on other days. But…” He turns towards you, pinching your chin, bringing your face close. “God, did you take me out there. I’m beat.”

He doesn’t kiss you; only drops back, still filling his lungs with new oxygen. Pity — he still wants you, but his muscles are aching. Eyes shutting.

Then opening again when he hears you laugh, right before you say, “You don’t need to prove your endurance to me. I’ve got a pretty good idea of it now. Besides— let’s be honest. I didn’t do much.”

“Oh, you did more than enough, sweetheart,” Jungkook retorts with a snicker, giving his eyes some relief. He sighs, and then adds, “Your existence did it for me already. Wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”

He shoves his arm under his head, the other untidily covering the two of you with the blanket; whatever. He’ll wash it tomorrow. For now, the two of you should probably get some rest. Although—

Did you say you wanted to stay? He didn’t catch it if you did. Perhaps he’s also just inattentive; suddenly remembers that he still has a long way to go socially, remembering that permission is courtesy. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

“Uhm,” he starts; this is awkward. He doesn’t do this often — not many stay overnight anyway. Strangely, he didn’t question it with you; maybe because he wants you to. “Do you want me to bring you home?”

“In all honesty, I… I don’t think you can drive tonight. We’re both not sober yet, so I’ll just leave in the morning. Need to be in the office by noon.”

“Ah? Why?”

“Meeting with Tae. I forgot that he wanted to go through a few organisational things for the upcoming concert.”

Concert preparations. Organisational things. The company.

Jungkook forgot about it all. Responsibilities still exist. Of course, he needs to be in the office tomorrow afternoon, too. This is his dream, his goal, everybody’s eyes on him, the biggest source of entertainment in the country.

Feels so stupid, forgetting you’ll leave at some point. That he can’t flip you over again all day tomorrow, that you’ll be occupied somewhere else, with someone else. Jungkook grits his teeth.

“You wanna come over again tomorrow night?” he asks.

And all of a sudden, despite the last hour, you seem lost in thoughts again. Probably tired, but he can’t help but overthink. You don’t answer immediately, keeping him on the edge, and as he thinks you’ve fallen asleep, he looks over, seeing your eyes open when you say, “Don’t know. Might have a couple things to tend to.”

Ah… okay. Sure.

Where’s your mind right now, he wonders?

Maybe circling around work. Maybe your urge to go is as little as his? All these things, they don’t sound too delightful right now, do they?

Concert preparations. Organisational things. The company. Tae.

When did you start using his nickname like this? Weird. Didn’t know the two of you were so close. Then again, does it matter? No. He shakes his head.

Shakes it slowly, making sure you don’t notice, sighing again before he breaks into a smile. It’s okay. You’re next to him. Not next to Taehyung. His friend. You’re covered in him. So he doesn’t let another’s name fog his brain, instead seeking peace and succeeding until—

“Don’t worry, another time,” you say, following up with a goosebump-inducing, “I’ll stick around until my feet tingle.”

Somewhere… at some point in his life… under probably not the best circumstances— 

Wait.

THE FIC ISN'T OVER YET!! PLS READ 👇🏼

as always, tumblr hates content creators and has a 1k block limit. which is why you can read the rest of the story in this reblog hehe we're almost at the end <3

Waited

Pairing: Min Yoongi x fem!reader

Genre: smut (18+)

warnings: mentions of mental health/poor self image, drug use (weed), alcohol consumption, cheating, violence (nothing explicit), oral, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk, degrading, spanking, marking, jealous Yoongi, rip Namjoon, bi Taehyung

Length: ~4.2k

Note: this originally was gonna be a short FWB smut but alas nothing turns out like i plan hahahahahahahahah shoot me thank you @the-boy-meets-evil and @onlyhuis for subjecting yourselves to this mess.

Summary: Best friends since childhood means you can tell each other anything. Right?

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This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked!

Yoongi enters your world three days before you turn six years old. His parents buy the house across the cul de sac that's sat empty for months and show up with a moving truck and their two sons. While they're unpacking your mom walks over to welcome them to the neighborhood and you hide behind her leg to stare at the boy with a choppy bowl cut who stares right back from behind his own mom’s leg.

You dub Yoongi your best friend in fourth grade. It’s a silent declaration but one he quickly falls in line with. He’d always been the smallest in class, easy cannon fodder for bullies that want to push around the quiet kid. One time too many people called him stupid under their breath and you snapped. After school detention for three weeks and a handwritten apology addressed to the boy with a broken nose is the price you pay but no one messes with him again after that. 

The first time you realize your best friend is handsome is senior year of high school. An hour before prom your date decided he wanted to go with someone else and Yoongi, who had zero interest in “cliche, organized humiliation rituals” trugged across the pavement to your house in a borrowed tux too big in the shoulders.

He posed for pictures while both your parents cooed, hands respectable at your waist as you both smiled through the awkwardness. His brother drops you both off and slips a contraband flask full of shitty alcohol in Yoongi’s hand before taking off. 

You pretended not to notice when Jisung and Yoongi both simultaneously disappeared, only to reappear twenty minutes later; Yoongi sporting bruised knuckles and the traces of what would become a black eye come the next morning along with a split lip. Instead, you take another sip of what must be gasoline and pull him to the dance floor. During the singular slow dance he allotted, with your head against his shoulder and the reak of his older brother’s after shave burning your nose, you realized you wouldn’t mind if he kissed you. 

The rest of the night is spent emptying your guts in Yoongi’s ensuite because your parents were so confident nothing would happen between the two of you that sleepovers at Yoongi’s were too common.

The first time you kiss Yoongi is also the night you lose your virginity. Your sophomore year boyfriend broke up with you two days before finals. Yoongi couldn’t stand Taehyung or the way you apparently believed he shit rainbows so you expected him to find nothing but joy in the news. 

But when you showed up outside his apartment, elephant tears streaking down your face as you gasped around an explanation, Yoongi said nothing. He simply walked into the kitchen, pulled out the bottle of liquor he saved for special occasions, and passed it to you along with a shot glass. 

He let your drunken sobs stain the collar of his shirt until you laughed yourself hysterical at the irony of it all. How Taehyung claimed he wasn’t ready for anything serious when he pursued you first, how he broke up with you after you told him you weren’t ready for anything physical. 

“Fuck him,” Yoongi grumbled, burrowed between the pillows of his bed.

Your head lulled onto his shoulder with a snort, “I think that was part of the problem.”

Then you kissed him and Yoongi kissed you back. And when you planted yourself in his lap and touched him, he took the chance to touch you too. At some point your clothes were gone, allowing your best friend to take as much liberty as he liked. But even though the details are fuzzy you know he was gentle and devout. Yoongi took all the time in the world, pushing and pushing until you almost broke and melted to the floor.

And after all was said and done you cried while Yoongi held you until your eyes swelled shut.

The next day Taehyung called and asked to work things out. Like a naive fool you agreed and then two years passed in a blink before you caught him fucking the doe eyed underclassmen from his fraternity the night of graduation. 

You wanted Yoongi but the last time you ran crying to him about Taehyung sat in the back of your mind. Since that day he’d taken a step back, missing your calls or dodging plans. Still your best friend but not present like before. Half your own fault because he warned you getting back with Taehyung was a bad idea but rather than listen, you told him to fuck off and mind his business. So he did and managed to get a girlfriend in the process.

But the universe has a weird way of shoving people together. Sipping from a bottle on the steps to the should-be-condemned house you rented with six other girls, eyes glassy and unfocused, you didn’t realize someone was calling your name until he sat down beside you. 

“I heard,” Yoongi says, snagging your drink and downing his own mouthful before going back for seconds.

Your lips bruise under your teeth, the pain barely managing to consume your focus away from the new wave of tears threatening to crop up. “That I’m an idiot?”

Cold hands find the blanket wrapped around your shoulders, pulling it back up in the places it's dropped before curling around your frame and wrangling you into the boney side of his. 

“That Taehyung is still an asshole.”

It's too familiar. Your hands tangled in the fabric of his shirt, his neck wet with your cries. Yoongi barely managed to get you upstairs and in bed without fuss, a plethora of pathetic cries none of your roommates are around to hear blurring your vision. 

“Where’s Tiffany?” You ask, fumbling into the mattress. You’ll ask him anything to get your mind of the hurt.

Yoongi fought to tuck you in, shoving you back into the pillows everytime you tried to get up and attempted to convince him to go to the bars where your classmates are currently celebrating. Where Taehyung is probably strung out across whoever will give him the time of day.

He lets you pull him into a hug when a new wave of sadness erupts. It’s the first time you get a good look at him in months despite the blur in your vision. Silver in the streetlights flooding through the slits of the blinds, the dark dye he used to appease his mom washing out at the fried tips of his hair. Any more to drink and you’d convince yourself this is all some cruel dream. A ghost of the past haunting you in misery. 

Yoongi might as well be. Nearly two years gone from the face of the Earth, only to be caught in short glimpses at parties or between class changes. Both of you spent the time reserved for each other with new people.

You missed him. 

He turns to leave too soon; already halfway to the door before you speak.

“Stay?” 

Even in your double vision you see the crack in Yoongi’s mask, the regret swelling to the surface. “She’s waiting back at my place.”

The summer comes with the suffocating muggy heat of your childhood home. Your parents fail to stifle their thrill Taehyung is out of the picture, more content to pretend he never existed in the first place. 

Everyday blurs together, a routine you’ve maintained since you can remember. Hot days by the pool in your parents backyard (without Yoongi hiding in the shade), dinner at the greasy restaurant by the river with friends (but not Yoongi), and packing your room one last time (which holds too many memories of Yoongi).

The news comes from your mom. 

She probes for information about the last time you heard from your neighbor turned friend turned stranger, complaining she misses having him around like when you were kids, asking what he’s been up to lately. It’s evident by your short response you haven’t heard yet.

He’s on the dilapidated swing set in his parents backyard when you find him. Shoulders slumped, toeing in the dirt, while he gazes beyond the treeline. 

Silently, you take a seat in the second swing, ignoring the way the wood creaks under your weight. Without a word he hands you his phone. The screen is bright with the last messages.

Tiffany: you just seem to have a lot going on…

Tiffany: i don’t know if I can handle all of it

You hand back the device. There's nothing to say. Cursing her till you’re blue in the face won’t make him feel better and neither will platitudes. Yoongi won’t believe anything contrary to what she said, at least not right now when he’s reeling from a blow to his most vulnerable parts.

So you sit in silence until the moon swells in the sky. He isn’t ready to talk about it when you both fumble down to his parents basement. Or when he hits the Rick and Morty bong Seokjin bought him for Secret Santa years ago. Definitely not when he tries to kiss you and you let him. And not when you end up in his lap, both naked and fighting to detach from what exists beyond the tattered upholstery of the couch. 

Yoongi finally speaks hours later, shoulder to shoulder in the comforting murky darkness of his room. You both still have the heated glow of bare skin sticking together where you touch but it turns clammy when he spills his guts.

He told her those three words after meeting her parents the week before. The first girl you’ve ever seen him be serious about. She said them back but Yoongi didn’t believe her. And the proof he was right sits immortalized in texts messages.

Each word cuts like a knife. Admitting his hurt, his vulnerabilities and weaknesses before shifting the focus to something safer like your break up from May and if Taehyung has tried anything.

He softens when your lips crest his shoulder. The lingering franticness fades with each peck as you move across his chest, then his throat, then his lips. Because you know Yoongi wants to talk about this once and never again. Needs to put it behind him before it becomes too real.

You leave for the city two weeks later and Yoongi follows after managing to snag a shitty IT job. He spends more time at your apartment than his own and when the girl you met through a roommate group moves out, Yoongi moves in.

Maybe it becomes too common of an occurrence. What was once reserved as an escape from the crushing weight of rejection, a way to find comfort in each other more than before, turned into a quick fix at the slightest annoyance. When you’re too pent up or Yoongi had a hard day. If you were feeling insecure after another failed date, or he simply wanted an easy lay with someone who knew how to get him off without the awkward pauses of learning.

Now, Yoongi bends you over the counter at three in the morning, lapping at your cunt like he didn’t have you sitting on his face before leaving for Namjoon's apartment to pre-game. The dig of the marble edge in your ribs is less alluring than the comfort of your bed; but what Yoongi wants he more often than not gets, so how do you refuse when he shuffles you into an Uber with hunger in his gaze and possessiveness in the grip on your thigh. 

“Yoongi,” you sigh. Reaching back, one of your hands anchors in the short tufts of his hair, pressing him firmer into the ache of your pussy. 

The tug of the cool counter top against your nipples works in his favor, leaving you desperate with a hitch in your throat each time you rock back into his waiting tongue. It dips into your opening, wedged between his fingers that dig into your walls just right after years of practice. Yoongi knows how to push all your buttons, he’s sewed half of them on. 

Your forehead meets the marble on the next swell of his tongue except this time is across your ass and punctuated with a bite you’ll feel next time you sit. A harsh clench around his fingers grants you sinful drag of his tongue across the hole only ever explored by him. 

“Fuc–Yoongi!” 

Sloppy kisses follow your spine until he’s at your ear with his cock resting against the meat of your ass. You're bent back at the waist once again so he can pluck at your nipples the way he likes, until you're shuddering away and pleading for mercy in a way meant to spur him further.

“Bet Namjoon wouldn’t do this,” Yoongi grunts with a tease of his cock inside, bare.

He’ll never let you forget the semester of freshman year you drooled for his friend's dick while Namjoon remained none the wiser. Every unconscious shut down sent Yoongi into a sadistic fit of laughter until you cut your losses and called it quits. 

You know why he’s bringing it up now. Namjoon looked good tonight. Newly single with a buzzcut that ruined most men’s allure. Maybe you contemplated re-igniting the old flame when he first showed up but now there's history and comradery that didn't exist in your younger days and it's too complicated just for the chance to satiate your curiosity. They’re all the same reasons you shouldn’t be fucking your best friend since grade school but none of it seems to have the same weight.

It didn’t matter what you decided because Yoongi saw enough temptation in your gaze to bring it up like he isn’t the one fucking you regularly.

Your pants fog across the marble. “Should we call and find out?” 

His palm stings into your ass, heating the skin on impact. The opportunity to neg him into another smack passes too quickly. You’re already at the mercy of Yoongi’s mouth on yours, the taste of whiskey, stale cigarettes, and your pussy less than appealing but his tongue is hot when he licks behind your teeth.

A hand takes up the work between your legs, rough and rushed as you trapeze down the hallway towards the bedroom. Yoongi thumbs at your clit with intent. You nearly collapse against the wall with buckled knees from the onslaught of too much stimulation.

Breaching the bedroom door proves too much a struggle. Yoongi bounces off the door jam from a rough grope against his zipper which leaves you flailing before catching in the corner of the mattress. His room is too damn small for the king bed he insisted on but it makes for a great backdrop to your fucking. Miles better than the more practical queen hidden in your room further down the hall.

You manage to push him off long enough to dig your knees into the sheets, crawling to the pillows with an arch you know he’ll rib you for later.

“Coming?” You ask over your shoulder, eyeing the flash of his boxers creeping through the opening of his zipper.

Flopping on your back, you splay across the over abundance of pillows like a queen while Yoongi works off his pants. His hair is a mess and a bruise the size of your mouth blooms high enough on his neck he’ll have to wear turtlenecks for the next two weeks. “Spread your legs.”

“Do you one better.” It's a goad in the most obvious sense. He likes to watch you huff, failing to get yourself off until he intervenes and gives exactly what you need. So you throw your legs wide, bent at the knees just to make it clearer in the faint light spilling from the window, and sink a hand down and play with the mess he caused. “Mmmm, Yoongi.” 

“Finger it for me,” he drawls.

Muscles melt at the first pass inside your already battered walls. Not as deft as his fingers but you won’t tell him that unprompted. Yoongi’s ego is big enough when it comes to your sex life, fueled by the knowledge he’s collected many of your firsts. But the way he palms over his underwear in mimic of your rhythm tempts you to break that rule.

“Come here.” 

Yoongi just smirks at the demand, pushing the mess of his pants off until he’s bare and the maroon head of his cock makes you drool.  “You come here.”

“I’m not playing naked chicken.” You growl. “Come fuck me before I get my vibrator.” 

Flipping on your front with your ass in the air, you drive a hard bargain Yoongi’s never been capable of saying no to. The bed dips behind you, knees between your own, shuffling them wider so he can stretch you until you’re pliant and aching.

His chest melts to your back, sticking uncomfortable but you don’t care because it feels good. Like he’s consuming you. “How bad do you want it?” Yoongi bites into your shoulder.

“Yoongi, fuck.” Your arms collapse under the first rush of his hips, spin dipping harshly to take every inch until he’s flat against your rear.

In a blink, you’re parallel to the mattress, pinned under his weight. It’s pathetic for so early in the game but Yoongi is the same man who gave you so many orgasms you’ve cried so it only stands to reason he crumbles your bravado like it's nothing. 

Sniffling in his hold, you turn to nose at his cheek over your shoulder. “Please, fuck me.” 

“Shit,” he spits with a harsh thrust. “You’re so fucking tight for me.” 

The next press of his hips leaves you heaving. Your hands scramble when he cants a bruising pace against your ass. Hard. All while every noise he tries to hide sings straight into your ear.

With immense effort, you wiggle onto your back. Yoongi meets you with a kiss, tongue to tongue while he works back inside where you both need him most.

The callous of his palm rakes against your throat, not squeezing, just a possessive firmness.

“H-harder,” you beg, nails leaving crescents in his shoulder.

Yoongi hitches your thigh over his; slowing so he can fuck you deeper, crushing every noise hiding in your gut out. 

Shocked from the sudden rush against your clit, your leg kicks out straight. It’ll leave you sore in the hips come morning but right now you don’t even register the discomfort. “Oh, oh, oh!” 

“Like that?” Somehow he manages to drag the head of his cock deeper from the praise.

“Just like that,” you pant into his mouth.

He leans back to watch your decay into desperation but stops when you tug him back by the sensitive roots of his hair. Cracking open your eyes, you find his brown ones inches away. Forehead to forehead while you both synthesize into a heap of flushed skin and need.

Fingers intertwined, Yoongi pins your hand on the pillow. Then he stares. Not at your face as you crest the first wave of an orgasm but your fingers curled between his. Like he’s never done it before, like he doesn’t know exactly how you two got in this position. 

“Oh my god, Yoongi.” 

You cum hard. Nearly managing to drive him out from the force to your insides. Every muscle twisting tighter and tighter until it breaks and when you pull his mouth back to yours all you can do is shake under his lips with cracked mewls.

Yoongi might be shaking too but he swells inside you with a groan, collapsing into your neck before your brain catches up to consider the idea.

Dodging an attempt at a final kiss, he favors his lips on your throat. Fleeting wet pecks that get you choking on air. Then your breasts where he takes up his abandoned work on your nipples, teeth flashing across the sensitive peaks until your shoulders cave and you're desperate for him again; grinding into the fingers he’s so readily supplies.

He’s fucked you like this before. When he has something to prove to the non-existent entity constantly creeping on his subconscious, when he feels he isn’t good enough in some intangible way. Asking him what's wrong won’t do anything. Yoongi will tell you when he’s ready; if he ever is. Years of friendship and the fear you’ll see a part of him capable of scaring you away still eats him alive. So you’ll give him whatever reassurance he needs this way and hope he understands.

Your second orgasm comes faster than the first. Trails of the previous pleasure pushing you swiftly along. Yoongi latches his lips around your clit and sucks until spots flash and your thighs nearly crush his head.

“Fuck, Yoongi. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You cry, threatening to fold in half under his fingers. “G-gonna cum again.”

Flares of lightning in your blood explode. Throat raw from wailing, Yoongi works you through until you dig your ankle into his ribs and kick him off.

The cold air in the room helps cool your feverish skin unlike the dark haired man flopping next to you. It’s quiet around two sets of gasping breaths and the rain tapping at the window.

Shoulder to shoulder, you calm in the drum of the overhead fan. Yoongi’s fingers tangling and untangling with your own confirms your suspicion. Whatever he needs to tell you bubbles below the surface, swirling until he finds the safest words to share his feelings. There's no point in guessing but it doesn’t stop you from spiraling through the possibilities.

The major suspects lack any clear indication. His date last weekend ended with mutual disinterest. Nothing concerning his job registers in your vague memory. Both your parents were fine the last time you visited months ago. Yoongi’s nephew is fine—

 “I told my mom you're my girlfriend.”

Well that's new. “Oh.”

“It was an accident but—”

“What’d she say?” You cut him off. 

Yoongi hesitates. Your voice doesn’t betray disdain or hope, only reluctant curiosity. If you set too many expectations he’ll clam up and avoid you for months like when he lost his virginity at a party freshman year. Yoongi shares on his terms and you listen.

“That it was about time I got my head out of my ass.”

You wait for him to continue but he doesn’t. Yoongi’s palm slick against your own betrays his nerves, the ghost of squeeze begs for some kind of reassurance he isn’t crazy. 

“Huh.” You exclaim to the ceiling. It’s not the worst idea. And its definitely not the first time you’ve entertained it.

He lets you go the second you tug on your connected hands, anticipating swift rejection that leaves you feeling sour. But you’re rolling into his chest, the now free hand protecting his sternum from the dig of your chin so you can stare him down until he finally blinks your way. You won’t let Yoongi wiggle away from this ten year overdue conversation.

“Is that what you want?”

The answer is clear in his eyes. Yoongi’s mouth rounds over the words to tell you, floundering silently because he’ll admit he isn’t good at things like this. But if it’s worth it to him then you need to hear him say it. 

Rising up, you sit bare in his lap while he works through his nerves. Finally, when your hand cups his cheek and his eyes sink closed, leaning into the warmth, he tells you.

“That’s what I want.”

Your nose wrinkles with a shy smile. “Kinda cliche.”

Yoongi snorts when you kiss him but melts the cold facade swiftly.

“Yeah well,” he huff. “So is losing your virginity to your prom date but let's not talk about that.” Yoongi may spit the words but his hands, gentle where they trace the curve of your sides, betray his euphoria.

“We can talk about that too if you want.” You whisper into his jaw, lips prickling from the shadow growing there. “Prom me probably would have let you fuck her.”

“Yeah?”

You choke on a laugh at the pleased shock on his face. “Yeah, but not after that black eye came in.”

“Cheap fucking shot.” He grumbles under his breath, but you’re already there kissing the words from his lips. Yoongi indulges, melting further into the bed when his tongue timidly slips along yours. After you dip away to press more languid pecks where his cheeks round, he speaks again.  “If I asked you out then what would you have said?”

“Well the only reason I said yes to whats-his-fuck was because someone else was too stubborn to ask me himself.” You hum in his ear. “Does that answer your question?” 

You're on your back in a flash, pinned under your boyfriend who smiles as you flounder and fail to push him off. 

“You need to be nicer to me,” he grunts when you knock out his arms and collapse his chest to yours.

“If you wanted someone nicer, then you had years to figure that out.”

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Paradise | JJK - Masterlist

LAST UPDATE: 2/3/24 - Chapter 15

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: smut, neighbors to lovers, slow burn, love triangle, Stripper!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Word Count: 117k+ so far

Summary: That sexy man on stage - the one currently giving your friend the lap dance of her LIFE - is your super shy neighbor, Jeon Jungkook?!

Teaser

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Extras:

Paradise Moodboards

Welcome to Paradise playlist

Paradise Drabbles - a series of drabbles featuring various characters

Take the Paradise Poll & let me know what you think!

Ask My Muse - questions answered by Paradise characters

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜 

© 2021-22-23 sunshinerainbowsbts/minisugakookies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.