Alfred Is A Badass - Tumblr Posts

Oh, oh... The one glorious moment when one of your "special interest" knowledges can be put to use!

*clears throat*

Alfred Thaddeus Crane Pennyworth, that is his full name for those that didn't know (which was originally Alfred Beagle), is not in fact a "frail and defenseless old man".

He has on numerous occasions donned the cowl so that Bruce could be seen in public as Bruce while Batman is sighted fighting crime. And I repeat, fighting crime. He doesn't just wear it to make a cameo. He responds to the Bat-signal. At one point he even distracted Lex Luthor in his Power Armor until Bruce could arrive.

The reason Bruce trusts him to do this is that Alfred is an ex-Special Operations Executive (SOE) operative of honor and ethics with connections within the intelligence community, he has been called "Batman's Batman". SOE was a British organisation formed in 1940 to conduct espionage, sabotage and reconnaissance in German-occupied Europe and to aid local resistance movements during World War II.

He was also an actor and make-up artist which is why he has disguise expertise and has used these skills to aid Batman in the field. One such skill is that he can impersonate Bruce's voice and has done so over the telephone.

His medical training from the Royal Air Force includes first aid, often suturing wounds and removing bullets, as well as occasional tactical support. The ability to perform arthroscopy, which is a minimally invasive surgical procedure on a joint performed using an arthroscope (an endoscope that is inserted into the joint through a small incision). Arthroscopic procedures diagnose and repair torn joint tissue, such as ligaments, including ACL reconstruction. And several other advanced medical procedures, all of which have severely reduced the number of times anyone in the Bat Family has needed professional medical help. The two times Bruce had to actually get hospital level treatment were when Bane broke his goddamned back and Hush caused his skull to fracture.

His martial arts knowledge includes karate, judo, and taekwondo. He has incorporated other styles over the years and in some stories was the one that trained Bruce before he sought out higher mastery.

Mr. Pennyworth is a man of many skills. In fact, this mo'fo's hobbies include horseback riding, training in sword fighting, archery, computer programming, computer, electrical, chemical and mechanical engineering, nanotechnology, biotechnology research and development which aids in the maintenance of Batman’s various gadgets, machines and experiments, and he likes to read fiction.

He's also a gardener, with a penchant for rose breeding. He's such an accomplished horticulturalist, that he even created his own breed of rose, the Pennyworth Blue.

He feeds the bats, and I didn't mean the ragtag crew of orphans and heroes. Along with cleaning the batcave, he also feeds the bats and has told Bruce they prefer free-range corn-fed chicken goujons, gently fried in olive oil, with chives.

Going back to his aforementioned badassery, he has been unsuccessfully kidnapped over 27 times. 27! All of which he got out of on his own, which at times required him to knock villains out.

And as mentioned above, thanks to his military training he's comfortable with a gun showing a preference for shotguns.

He is the one that repairs all the Bat Family costumes which makes him a master costumer/seamster.

None of the above mentions his actual butlery or that fact that he's been raising Bruce since he was 8, which included teaching him etiquette, ensuring he had a top-notch education so he could take over his father's business, and forcing him to actually live his life as Bruce.

He is also a gourmet chef with multiple culinary expertises. Look at the food Bruce eats, which Alfred often has to nag him to do because he's too distracted.

Regarding his butlery, due to the security risk of Bruce's identity being discovered, Alfred tends to the entirety of Wayne Manor by his damn self.

He also raised Dick by himself as Bruce was focused on being Batman and mainly taught him how to be a hero with rare moments of actual bonding and normal daily life experiences.

He does all of this and keeps his suit perfectly pressed in the process.

In the 60's Alfred was killed when he shoved Bruce and Dick out of the way of a falling boulder. He is then revived by the mad scientist Dr. Brandon Crawford. His regeneration machine had a few flaws in it, however, and Alfred came back different. His skin was pallid with circular markings, he had super strength, telekinesis, and oh yeah, was a supervillain. Yes, you read that correctly. Alfred was the supervillain known as the Outsider who was hellbent on destroying Batman and Robin by getting others to fight them during his elaborate plans. Bruce finally gets him exposed to radiation which resets his personality and takes his powers away.

This isn't the only time he has powers either. In the Injustice: Gods Among Us series, Batman and Superman are fighting because Kal has gotten it in his head that he has to take over the world for its own good. Supes breaks Batman's back during their fight and Alfred doesn't handle it so well. In response he takes a nanotech pill that gives him super-strength and invulnerability, which he then uses to beat the ever living $&@* out of Superman. He pummels him relentlessly then wipes himself clean, picks up Bruce, and gets Zatanna to teleport Bruce to another realm where Superman can't reach him. Go, go papa bear aggro.

*exhales* Thanks for coming to my ThadTalk.

I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch

Are the Batfam Skiers or Snowboarders

Bruce skis for sure. Idk he just gives me those vibes. He probably knows how to snowboard but just prefers skiing. He will attempt small tricks and can usually succeed but refuses to do anything more cause of his ‘old bones.’

He wears all black. Jason and Steph eventually got a jacket with the bat symbol on it and he now where’s that religiously. His skis are really nice and are black with white streaks. His helmet is black and has those attachable ears that make it look like a bat (gift from Dick ‘to complete the look).

Dick for sure skis. Mostly because when he first saw skiing, it was at the Olympics and the jumps reminded him of the trapeze. So he skis really well and can do jumps. Occasionally will fall and lay there, laughing. He only goes with his siblings (usually Jason) since it’s more fun that way.

He wears blue pants, silver boots, and a black coat with the blue Nightwing sunbird on his chest. His helmet is blue and black mixed. His skis are black and blue. He also has attachable ears he wears with Bruce ‘to match’.

Steph is a snowboarder, the chaotic energy with the disregard for safety is her. But she’s the kind of snowboarder that will stop and help people up when they fall and maybe teach kids a thing or two.

She wears purple, her jacket is a lighter purple. Her board has a white base, and purple/green flames on the edges with a skull in the middle. Her boots are black and her helmet is gold and purple (very deep almost black.)

Barbara is a skier, just cause I feel like that’s her. But she probably knows how to snowboard and does sometimes. She’s about 70/30 about it. After she’s shot, she can’t do either but everyone bought her a sled with skis on the bottom so she could still go down the runs if she wanted to.

She wears gold pants, black jacket with a bat on the back. Her helmet is all black. Her boots are black and her snowboard is all gold with bats all over it. Her sled is black (so people can easily see her) with a Giant bat on the front and and Damian painted on the flames.

Jason is both, equally, but he snowboards more since he likes to do jumps and tricks a LOT. He’s probably on par with Dick. He likes the technical challenge of skiing but the fun of snowboarding. (He also like snowboarding cause the boots. Btw, as a skier, I am eternally jealous of those boots they look so much more comfortable). He’ll just randomly meet kids on their first ever run and decide to go down with them to help, once he spent the day with a kid who was left alone by his friends, very fun.

He, of course, wears a red helmet. He wears black pants with a lot of pockets, and a plain brown jacket (he bought it for himself and still uses it but not often), currently a brown jacket with a red bat on the back (gift from Dick). His snowboard is black with a red skeleton on the side (it’s like pulling itself up) in a graveyard. He wanted to put his name on a grave but decided not to bc his family would be upset, (he does, it’s just hidden and very tiny).

Damian I feel like snowboards but knows how to ski. He probably snowboards more because he better at it and thinks it’s cooler (but would never say it). He tried to teach Jon but was terrible. Alfred ended up teaching him but they still had fun.

He wears a gray jacket with black sleeves, and black pants. His helmet is black but has those spikes on it (gift from Jon) that every kid has. His board is just plain black until Jason stole it and got it customized with a ninja on the bottom with a katana.

Tim snowboards, it fits him. He doesn’t know how to ski and refuses to learn. He just likes snowboarding better. If really pressed he’ll try skiing but would prefer to never do it. He feels like hes flying and he looks like he’s not even trying at all. Arms not moving, chill relaxed posture.

He wears a muted red jacket, black pants, and gold helmet. His board is is black and gold, it was stolen and returned with a Red Robin on the bottom about to fly.

Duke doesn’t know how to do either until Jason and Alfred teach him. He ends up liking both equally but snowboards more because it’s easier for him to do.

He wears all gold with black boots and a black bat on the jacket. His board is straight gold with a large black bat on the bottom and a kinda metal/tech look. He has the ears as well, in gold.

Cass skis, she likes the feeling of being more technically challenged. She wants to try snowboarding but hasn’t really found the time. If she did, she’d go with Steph and Jason. They’re good teachers and fun to be with.

She used to wear all black but changed the jacket out for one with a gold bat on the bat and gold in the tops of the shoulder and top of the sleeves. She has the ears but doesn’t always wear them bc she forgets to put them on.

Alfred does both extremely well. He prefers skiing but taught all of the Batfam. He was a spy of course he knows how to ski in a suit. He can do anything with doing either. He has all the gear, waxes, and boots in tip top shape. Despite what most would think, he loves to ski and goes the most often out of the family.

He is honestly the most difficult to do, he could ski in a suit and that would work. So, he wears a gray pants, a gray jacket the the top of shoulders and sleeves are black. His ski boots are black and his skis are somehow more expensive than Bruce’s. They were a gift but he won’t say who. His helmet is black. He does not wear the ears, but if with family, he will wear them so they can pick each other out of the crowd.