And I Really Think She Tried To Make Geto Feel Better - Tumblr Posts

What's breaking my heart over and over again is that, during Geto's conversation with Yuki, the sound of applause creeps back to haunt him right the instant Yuki unknowingly feeds the worst part of him, encouraging his darkest thoughts.

But then it stops -- when Yuki reminds him of his humanity. When she reminds him that it's the thoughts that we choose to act upon which define us. That indecision and doubt are sometimes a sign of self struggling against outside forces. That nobody is without dark things, both emotions and thoughts, but it's a part of what makes us human. That, in the end, he has not made his decision yet.

Wasn't it a relief, even if a fleeting, temporary one? To be reminded that he is not the hatred and confusion and resentment festering inside him. That, even though his whole world is faltering, his not that long ago unwavering beliefs are now withering away day by day, he is still in control of himself and his fate. That he is yet to decide what will define him, and it's his and his alone choice to make.

This, after Geto's implying that he's not good enough a person for Haibara to sit next to him.

I keep thinking about how, despite Geto's self isolation, despite his feeling that he's lost and alone in all of this, there were people around him and they were there for him. Yuki, who in her own manner tries to cheer him up and guide him through his desperation (and look, there's only that much she could do). Haibara, who still looks up to him, who asks what Geto wants him to bring for him and who manages to make him laugh a little. Gojo, he does see that Geto is struggling and forsaking taking proper care of himself and does make an attempt to get through to him as best as he can.

But sometimes there are things that cannot be helped. Geto cut himself off from everyone because he convinced himself that he wouldn't be understood. Did he really try to talk to anyone about what's on his mind? Anyone who knows him well enough to also know how to help him? Isn't it why he ends up oversharing to a complete stranger -- because there is no other outlet for his despair? Or no one he allowed himself to see?

It's ever more devastating to watch him spiral and cross the Rubicon after seeing those tiny glimpses of fragile hope for him.