Another Day Another Slay - Tumblr Posts
the gremlin of the devil butlers: Lamli Bennet and the one who deals with their craps; Nac Steon. The one watching is old man lucas-
he was SO real for this
Somethin’ ‘bout you
Makes me feel like a dangerous woman
SO MUCH GOOD NEWS TO HAVE BEFORE 2024!!! I'M WORKING ON REQUESTS, some more than others because im selective and i need motivation, DREAM IS INNOCENT AND ANYONE WHO WISHES HE WASN'T IS DISGUSTING BECAUSE the fact you're wishing someone had been gr00med is horrible and I HAVE COVID BUT WHO CARESSSSSS
✨Hopefully I stick to this, if not another crumbling dumpster fire held together with copious amounts of duck tap and a metric ton of super glue will be the vibe✨
☁️this year i will rest more
💭this year i will worry less
💅🏽this year i will set boundaries
🌿this year i will prioritize healing
💓this year i will love myself more
🧸this year i will prioritize self care
🩹this year i will prioritize my feelings
🪷this year i will be more kind to others
🌸this year i will be more kind to myself
🫧this year i will make time to enjoy myself
🧿this year i will remove toxic ppl from my life
🎀this year i will make my happiness my priority
Chasing Cars | ch 13.5 (jjk)
☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?
☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader
☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, this chapter sort of contains mature content)
☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff
☆warnings: curses, anxiety attacks, mentions of jungkook trying to unalive himself during the summer, mentions of therapy, explicit content: implied sex
☆word count: 4k
☆a/n: my baby jungkook realizing he was dumb not to tell OC about gabrielle :((( hope you guys enjoy this one!!
☆series masterpost
☆☆☆☆☆
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol
☆☆☆☆☆
Jungkook has been sitting in his car for thirty minutes, looking at the apartment where his love for you grew and died.
Though he’s been making progress with his therapist, seeing it feels like maybe he’s drowning, and he hasn’t been able to get out of the car despite the fact that he needs to go to the bathroom. He pulls at his piercings, thinking about you. Are you at home, or are you out and about? He thinks you’re probably working, as Taehyung mentioned in passing that you finish work late on Fridays, yet Jungkook isn’t able to move.
Especially not as every treacherous emotion he has for you comes back to haunt him, squeezing his heart in his chest.
He’s been doing better. He’s been trying to cut himself some slack, and to build a healthy distance between him and his family. Though it’s hard, Lisa has helped, and Jungkook will forever be thankful for her friendship.
For her being there on that July night when he almost ended things.
Jungkook sighs, running a hand through his hair. He knows he has to go in - he’d rather not stay in his car and let the engine run while being parked for any longer. Not that he can’t afford the gas - he just thinks it’s a waste and bad for the environment, so he forces himself to turn off the engine.
It takes him a few more minutes to gather the courage to go in, and he waits until he’s literally starting to sweat his ass off before finally opening the door and stepping out of the car. A warm breeze welcomes him, ruffling his hair, and he shuts the door behind him, locking the car over his shoulder as he walks towards the apartment.
He stops at the bottom of the stairs, taking a deep breath to calm down the anxiety that’s threatening to overtake him. He reminds himself that it’s just you - no matter the distance between the two of you, you’re the only person that he’s ever felt understood him like you did.
Not even Lisa gets him like you do.
Yet he doesn’t want the ache and the pain again, not when he’s barely made it out this summer. So climbing the stairs takes everything in him, as does opening the door. But then it’s like the apartment is a quiet haven, and he steps in, the cool air a stark relief from the summer heat outside. He shuts the door, cutting off the scream of a cicada in the distance, and then he’s back in the space where you fell in love, remembering every little moment he spent with you without knowing he was about to lose you.
He feels at peace. He doesn’t know why, or how, but he feels at peace for probably the first time this summer.
“Hello!”
The peace threatens to crumble, your voice echoing in Jungkook’s mind as a short silence follows. He holds on to the peace, refuses to let it go, and then you speak again.
“Do you need any help?”
He does. He needs you, again, always, yet he knows it’s over. Knows he has to prepare himself for your presence in his line of vision - you appear a few seconds later, stopping in the doorway to the kitchen.
You’re beautiful. Your hair is longer, your skin sun-kissed, and your cheeks have a slight pink dust to them that reminds him of how much he used to love teasing you, just so that he can see that blush. Your eyes widen, yet they aren’t as pained as they’d been the last time he’d seen you.
Like maybe the time apart has healed you, too.
Jungkook takes in the sight of you, lets his heart try to rise to panic in his chest. But he doesn’t listen to the panic, only breathes in and out until the wave has passed.
“Y/n,” he says, murmurs, and he hates that he wanted to call you peach, like your real name feels wrong in his mouth somehow.
“Jungkook,” you reply.
Your voice… His memory did not do it justice at all, and the pain comes crashing back, a tsunami that almost makes Jungkook stumble back. But he holds on strong, a rock against the wave.
He nods once, taking off his shoes if only so that you can’t see the pain in his eyes anymore. You don’t move, and he feels your gaze on him the whole time, so much so that, when he straightens, he can’t help but ask, “How are you?”
Your gaze widens a little more, if that’s possible. “I’m okay.” You nod once. “How are you?”
Good. Bad. Horrible. I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry.
All answers he can’t give you, so he settles on, “I’m chill.”
He needs to go. Needs to not be looking at you anymore lest he does something stupid, like run up to you and hold on to you. He’d never let you go, and the sadness that slowly invades your gaze breaks him too much, like suddenly the ending came back to your mind.
Came back to his too, and the guilt chokes his lungs, so much so that he starts walking to his room.
But then he stops, catching sight of something familiar on the kitchen table, and the pain recedes, replaced by the peace that welcomed him home.
You’re eating Buldak noodles. You, who couldn’t stand heat last semester, are eating the noodles he used to make for you. It warms his chest, reminds him that not everything ended then, and he smiles softly.
“Want something to eat?” you ask.
It hurts. Far more than it should - he doesn’t deserve your kindness. And even though he wants to, even though he wishes he could pick up the pieces of you and him, he forces himself to say, “Thanks, but I gotta unpack.”
And then he walks the rest of the way to his room, his heart rate skyrocketing in his chest - he thinks he might go into cardiac arrest. He turns the knob, pushes the door open, yet he can’t move. He’s frozen there, feeling your eyes on him, wishing he could turn around and tell you that he spent every day this summer wishing he could rewind time and save you both the heartbreak. But he’s a coward, and he can’t say it, so he finishes walking into his room and closes the door behind himself.
He leans against it as panic wins once again, and he slowly slides to the ground, trying to focus on his breathing. On the grounding techniques his therapist taught him, and a few minutes later, he’s able to dampen his panic, his anxiety, until he’s able to breathe normally again.
If that’s how this semester is going to be, he has no clue how he’ll survive.
*****
Jungkook is nervous. He doesn’t know why he suggested to hang out with Lisa while everyone is going to a party at some frat he does not care about.
Actually, he does know why. His therapist suggested that he should try talking to other people, and he hasn’t been able to approach anyone, his feelings for you still as strong as ever, so Lisa it is.
She’s sweet. She’s been there for him through hell this summer, and some part of him feels like he owes her something. So when she asked if that was a date, Jungkook said they could try this one time and see where it goes. Lisa seemed unsure - she’s started talking to Mingyu more, and though they haven’t hung out just the two of them yet, Jungkook thinks it might be coming soon.
So maybe that, more than anything, is the reason why he asked Lisa, and not someone else. Because he knows that, despite the fact that she used to have feelings for him, it’s been morphing into friendship more than anything now, so he doesn’t have to worry about it.
Still, he worries. Still, he’s nervous. Because it’s not you, and though Lisa is a good friend, he doesn’t feel like he can fully be himself when it comes to her. Not like he could be with you, and though his therapist said he shouldn’t compare, he can’t help himself.
No one is ever going to compare to you.
Jungkook breathes in and out, wipes his hands on his pants, and then Lisa is arriving, and he remembers that she’s just a friend. That he has nothing to worry about when it comes to her.
When she asks him if she can kiss him, Jungkook doesn’t find it in him to say no. She kisses him all wrong, yet it’s been months. It’s been months and he should be moving on - you clearly have been. Your absence in the apartment, in his life, is proof of it. So he kisses Lisa back, tries to tell himself that it makes his heart race in his chest like kissing you does.
He hasn’t had sex since you, and it shows. He’s messy, unpracticed, and halfway through he realizes that he wants you. He wants to be with you, wants to hold you. Lisa notices his unease, notices he can stay hard, and she cups his cheeks and says, “We can stop, JK.”
He could cry. He could cry as he pulls out, and says, “I’m sorry.”
She smiles gently. “It’s okay, Jungkook. Don’t apologize, I get it.”
She gets up, throws his t-shirt on and Jungkook hates the way that it looks on her - it looked a lot better on you. While she goes to the bathroom, he tries to keep his panic at bay, to remind himself that he did nothing wrong tonight.
That no matter how much he loves you, he has to at least try and move on.
But then the impossible happens. The front door opens, and before you even speak, Jungkook knows it’s you. He hates it - hates that you had to come here tonight, to witness his weakness, and he quickly puts a pair of grey sweatpants on before walking out of his room.
You’re out of breath, yet you’re as beautiful as ever. Even more so, if only because you’re here, in the apartment where you belong, so close to him he could touch you with just a few steps forward.
“Y/n?” Jungkook lets out.
You were bent over, and you straighten, trying to catch your breath. Your eyes are shining with emotion, and Jungkook breaks. He breaks again, always - he doesn’t deserve you looking at him like this right now.
“Jungkook,” you say in between two heaving breaths.
Frowning, Jungkook scans your features. He tries to understand why you’re here tonight, why you’re looking at him like maybe he hung the stars in your night sky. You’re smiling, and he looks at that too, lets it remind him of why he fell in love with you in the first place.
“Shit,” you let out. “Jungkook.”
“Yes?”
You start laughing, and Jungkook is far too confused. It’s like he stepped in an absurd movie, and he’s not in on the joke. Especially not as he knows Lisa is bound to step out of the bathroom eventually.
“She told me,” you say.
He cocks an eyebrow. “What?”
“Gabrielle told me everything.”
You’re blinking back tears, and Jungkook keeps on shattering. Because now that the truth is out you’re back, and he realizes maybe he should have listened to Gabrielle. Maybe he should have told you, if only for you not to be here tonight.
“Kook?”
It’s the heartbreak in the nickname. Jungkook’s heart stops beating in his chest, and he feels like someone’s banging on his skull, telling him how stupid he is.
“Y/n, I…” he trails off. “I wasn’t expecting this.”
He sees the moment you realize. You look down, see Lisa’s shoes, and you freeze. You fully freeze, and it looks like you’re not even breathing anymore. Lisa chooses this moment to step out of the bathroom, and it takes you a few seconds before glancing at her.
“Oh.”
There is so much pain in that word alone that Jungkook wants to die. He reckons, he should have died that night just so that he could avoid this heartbreak for you. And he hates himself so, so much for inviting Lisa over tonight. For not waiting just a little longer.
What would have happened if Lisa wasn’t here tonight?
“Hey, Y/n,” Lisa says awkwardly, her eyes darting to Jungkook. “I didn’t know you were here.”
For a moment, Jungkook wants to scream at her. To tell her that she should have just stayed in the bathroom, should have just climbed out the window. But he’s mute, unable to form a single syllable.
“I live here,” you reply.
Lisa senses the pain in your voice. She clearly does, because she looks uncomfortable as all hell, like she wants to disappear through the floor.
“I’m sorry, I…” she trails off. “I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight.”
There’s an awkward silence - Jungkook is convinced he can hear your heart breaking, though that might just be his. Then you say, “No worries.”
You take a deep breath, and Jungkook looks at your profile. Tries to commit you to memory, because he knows you’re going to leave again. He still can’t speak - he wants to beg you to stay, but there’s a lump in his throat and water in his lungs, and all he can do is watch you.
You pat your pockets, tears pooling in your gaze. “I think I forgot my keys at the party.”
When you meet Jungkook’s gaze, he sees a mirror in your eyes. Sees himself breaking, sees you breaking, and he wants it all to stop. He wants to forget the pain, wants to be able to tell you he loves you and that he’s sorry. But he feels like words wouldn’t be enough, not right now, and he remains silent.
Not that he could speak anyway.
“How did you…” Lisa trails off, but she doesn’t finish.
You turn around then, walking back outside and shutting the door carefully behind you. Jungkook just stays there, unable to move, not when he’s breaking all over again. He wants to run after you, but all he can do is take a shuddering breath in, right as a tear rolls down his cheek.
“Shit.”
Lisa crosses the space between the two of them. “Go sit on your bed.”
Jungkook tries to breathe, but his throat constricts, and black dots flash in his vision.
“Fuck.”
“Jungkook, deep breaths,” Lisa says, and she tugs on his hand to pull him to his bed.
“I can’t…” he trails, trying to breathe, but it’s like he’s breathing pure nitrogen. “I can’t breathe.”
He sits on his bed, and Lisa stands next to him. “What colour is the light?”
He doesn’t know. He doesn’t fucking know - did he truly lose you again? He’s dumb, stupid, foolish. An asshole and everything in between.
He’s a fucking coward.
“Jungkook, what colour is the light?” Lisa says again.
“I don’t know…”
“You do,” she insists, and the firm inflection of her tone makes Jungkook look up at her. “You do, Jungkook, just tell me.”
He glances at the ceiling. “Red.”
Lisa nods encouragingly. “Now, tell me one thing you can touch.”
He frowns, though his hands drop to the cover of his bed. “My bed.”
“Yes.” She glances around. “Something you can smell?”
The frown deepens. “I can’t really smell anything, my nose is blocked.”
She offers him a small smile, and Jungkook looks at it curiously. And then he realizes he can breathe again, and oxygen rushes to his lungs.
“Holy shit,” he curses. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it,” Lisa says. “I got you.”
She sits next to him, and there’s a silence while Jungkook contemplates his throbbing heart. He wonders if you’re aching too - he hopes you don’t have anxiety attacks like he does. Though, to be fair, this is the first he’s had in a few weeks.
He takes a deep breath, and then he glances at Lisa. “What am I supposed to do?”
Though the anxiety has passed, his eyes fill with tears, and Lisa watches him carefully for a few seconds. There’s a flash of hurt in her gaze, but Jungkook thinks he might have imagined it.
“Talk to her,” she says. “Text her that you want to talk to her.”
“She saw you…” Jungkook whispers.
Lisa sighs. “She did.”
“How am I supposed to justify that?”
Lisa doesn’t reply right away, and Jungkook holds her gaze. He sees it - the hurt flashes so bright he can’t say he imagines it, and he gulps.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” he apologizes.
“Listen, Jungkook,” Lisa carefully says. “I… I’m happy I’ve been there for you in the last few months. But tonight… I think we both agree it was a mistake. And I wish I could help you still, but I think right now I also need to think about myself.” She looks away, and silver lines her gaze. “I’ve always known we weren’t going to happen. You just took me by surprise by asking to hang out tonight. But I think it’s best if I take my distance from you.”
Guilt - new guilt - crushes Jungkook, and all he can do is nod his head. And he agrees with her anyway.
He wouldn’t be able to hang out with her anymore.
“So I don’t know how you can justify that to Y/n,” she adds. “I really don’t know, but I think you guys need to talk.” She meets Jungkook’s gaze, smiling sadly. “And I really hope things go well for the two of you.”
“Liz…”
She offers him a single, small nod. “It’s okay, JK. I just want you to be happy.” She chuckles, and then she wipes at her eyes. “I’m sorry I’m telling you this now.”
“No, don’t be,” Jungkook immediately reassures her. “I…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, not really knowing what he was going to say.
“We can still be friends,” she says. “I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
Jungkook nods. “Okay. Yes, of course we can still be friends.”
Lisa smiles again before looking down at herself. “Well, I better get dressed.”
All Jungkook can do is nod again, and he watches as she picks up her clothes and then heads to the bathroom.
In the meantime, Jungkook grabs his phone and goes to the messages. He finds your conversation, clicks on it, and prepares to type a message.
But he can’t figure out what to say. He just stares at his phone, panic threatening to overcome his senses again, and then he shuts it off, tossing it to the side as Lisa walks out of the bathroom.
Even a little later, when Lisa has left to head home, Jungkook still doesn’t know what to say. So he texts his therapist, asks if they can have an appointment tomorrow, and then he puts some anime on, hoping that it’ll chase the heartbreak from his chest.
It doesn’t, and he falls asleep to the sound of Tanjiro fighting a demon, only to be woken up when Ariane and Taehyung come back home in the middle of the night.
Read chapter 13 here!
☆☆☆☆☆
:((((( i promise the angst is slowly getting resolved! even if it doesn't seem like it rn :')
All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate
Inky winky skrunkle wunkle sweetie honeypie baby boy boo boo bear
If you're a black reader and/writer (even artist or cosplayers), please like or reblog this post.
Kris -> ACT ❤️
Theyre the worst and I love them 😌
How tf do you start writing fanfiction?? Like just write out a whole 15k word essay based on my nasty thoughts at 2.43 PM on a thursday? Damn.
But seriously pls help I also want to be one with the gang. Tips and tricks are appreciated bc I feel like there is more to it than what I wrote above:)
Living Dead Girl -
Whether in the manga, the OVAs or the abriged series, watching Seras going from fledgeling to full-blown badass vampire is just a treat.
Bitches be like:
let's randomly start writing a fanfiction that i don't know the ending of.Then bitches don't know how to continue writing anymore and have to come up with something.
It's me, i'm bitches
