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Don’t You Know (That I’m Yours) - Read and React Ch 2

Don’t You Know That I’m Yours By chaoticgoodlawyer @chaoticgoodlawyerwrites Read and React << Chapter 2 >>

He had done his best to ignore the stares and whispers from his fellow Peak Lords that kept turning to him despite the packed if tedious agenda for the day’s meeting. Then again, their attention may have repeatedly strayed back to him precisely because the meeting was so dull that they felt the need for a distraction and not everyone was as blessed as he to be able to secretly message a friend. It certainly didn’t help that the most interesting and scandalous part of the day happened first thing in the morning, giving people all day to ruminate on the revelations surrounding Shen Qingqiu.

😁 😁 Poor Shen Yuan... I bet that meeting was awful - but don’t worry! I’m sure that’s the worst Peak meeting you’ll ever go to! Right? XD

His lack of interest in the working women (and men) in the brothels and apparent virginity.

mm-hmm

A virginity that was lost after dual cultivation with a grown disciple.

mm-hmmm

A disciple that he had previously lived with and admittedly had feelings for.

mm-hmmmm!

Feelings that may or may not be connected to the fact he and Luo Binghe may be fated lovers.

mm-hmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!! -

Even Shen Qingqiu could only stay oblivious to his surroundings for so long.

Wait, really? XD -

To his surprise, the candles were already lit and the door was opening before he could touch it.

“Shizun?” Luo Binghe greeted him, big eyes blinking in concern at him like the white lotus he was, waiting to welcome him home like Shen Qingqiu half expected to never happen again.

awwwwwwwwwww <3333 Good little wifey, welcoming his Shizun home ^_^

- (This whole next section is heart full, head empty, no words-) -

He was sixteen; it would be wrong to rely on him like he had his counterpart.

But goddamn, Shen Qingqiu needed a hug.

💔 -

“…This Binghe knew that Shizun would likely be tired after his meeting and dinner and wanted to make himself available to assist Shizun however needed.” Luo Binghe said slowly, looking Shen Qingqiu over critically. Shen Qingqiu felt fragile, exposed, and so very lacking. He flinched when Luo Binghe’s gaze lingered on his shaking hands and hid them behind his sleeves.

😟 😟 -

Luo Binghe must have felt the change in air pressure or something because he stepped closer after Shen Qingqiu removed his shoes and walked the smallest of ways into the dwelling. “A-Yuan,” he started, voice low and soothing. “What wrong? Please, let this Binghe help.”

😟 ❤️ 😟 ❤️ 😟 -

Shen Qingqiu froze in his tracks, hand coming to his mouth to stifle the sudden sob that escaped his chest, loss and intense longing stabbing through him.

💔 💔 💔 💔 💔 -

“Binghe? Could I… Could I hug you?”

😭 😭 😭 💔 ❤️ ❤️ 💔

“Of course.” Luo Binghe was already opening his arms to him as he said the words and Shen Qingqiu didn’t quite fall into him, but it was a near thing. His knees collapsed but Binghe caught him, holding him close as Shen Qingqiu ended up sitting on his heels with Luo Binghe kneeing upright before him, face buried into a wide but still lean shoulder.

I’m not crying

Luo Binghe leaned back a little and Shen Qingqiu made an embarrassing sound of protest only to calm when pressure from his hair suddenly eased as Luo Binghe removed the ornamentation from it. His hair now free, Shen Qingqiu asked weakly, “Could Binghe hug me, too?”

I’M NOT CRYING

Luo Binghe’s arms came around his shoulders and held him tight. “For as long as A-Yuan wants. I’m here. I’m here.”

I’M NOT – I’M NOT BAWLING DEFINITELY NOT WIPING TEARS FROM MY EYES

Shen Qingqiu snuggled closer, breathing in his familiar scent as a hand stroked his hair, and the pain in his chest dulled to something manageable.

YOU’RE THE ONE CRYING, NOT ME!!!!

They stayed like that for a long while, Luo Binghe murmuring quiet assurances that he was there, that he wasn’t alone, that he was happy to be able to support him. After some time, Shen Qingqiu exhaled and so much of the tension that he held melted away.

Okay. Okay, not crying. This is good. ...

There was a light pressure on his head, almost as if Luo Binghe had kissed him, when his disciple said quietly, “That’s it, A-Yuan. You’re okay, you’re safe. Your Binghe has you.”

Damn it! Now I’m trying not to cry - again!!!! 😭 😭 😭

A tremor rocked through him and Shen Qingqiu had to fight tears as he thought, but you’re not my Binghe. Not yet, maybe not ever.

Yes!!! Yes, he is your Binghe!!!!!!! Now, and forever!!!!

He shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t be curled into his disciple like this, crying because Luo Binghe would probably never love him the way he wanted. He didn’t want the taste of another life the other had given him but this Binghe, who smiled at him and cooked for him and greeted him when he came home.

😭 😭 😭 STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY AGAINNNNNNN

The one who now all of Cang Qiong knew he had feelings for.

…whoops.

 …okay, taking a moment to breathe. ...Alright. I think I can continue. -

He had to tell him what he had said to Mu Qingfang tonight, before he could hear his confessions, somehow twisted by someone else.

^^;;; Yeahhhh… no clue how that could possibly be twisted…

But how could he? How could he bear for him to know how he felt when he was Luo Binghe, protagonist of this fucked up harem novel he had started reading as a teenager, number one eligible bachelor desired by so many and he was just… Shen Yuan?

WHEN YOU’RE JUST EXACTLY WHAT AND WHO HE WANTS 😭 😭 😭

But maybe that was a personal problem.

…Wow. That’s- actually some pretty good insight, right there. THIS is why, despite everything, they’re able to make this work – unlike his novel counterpart, this Shen Yuan is learning to give Luo Binghe agency, and not project his own expectations onto him!!! -

He should just enjoy what he had while he had it. And what he had right now was a disciple that cared far too much about him

💗 💗 💗 -

“A-Yuan.” Luo Binghe’s tone was serious again and Shen Qingqiu was startled by the hand gently but firmly guiding his face up until he met those fathomless black eyes. It was the same expression that had startled him the night before, though his mouth softened as a thumb brushed away some rogue tears. “Never apologize for your feelings to me. A-Yuan need only be himself around me and I would take all of him as he is. You spend so much of your time taking care of me; allow me to return the favor.”

I’M GOING TO START SOBBING AGAIN -

Luo Binghe looked at him for a long moment. “Does A-Yuan only care about me because he is supposed to?”

“No! Of course not!”

AHHHHHHHHH He’s just so instinctively indignant!!! Of course not, Binghe!!! How could you ever imagine that I, Shen Yuan, could do anything less than care about you because it’s you???? -

“Let this disciple take care of his Shizun, A-Yuan. Please.”

Shen Qingqiu unthinkingly raised his hands to cover Luo Binghe’s own and said, “Okay.”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH----

-----

The boy was still far from grown, but he deserved better than Shen Qingqiu going over his head and treating him like a child. If he was mature enough to support Shen Qingqiu like he had, then he was mature enough for this talk.

Or at least… an edited version of it. There was no need or desire for him to get specific about certain activities.

pffffft -

“Thank you for allowing me to help you,” he said shyly

😭 😭 😭 -

“I was only surprised. I like doing A-Yuan’s hair because it’s a way he relies on this Binghe and no other. He trusts me to see him undone the way he trusts no one else.

asdljhaskdjf awwwwwwwwww -

Shen Qingqiu frowned at his slip into more formal language and puzzled over it for a moment before dismissing the concern. “I didn’t think of it like that, but you’re right and I would probably only ever ask Binghe to help me with this.”

Luo Binghe drew in a sharp breath and paused before saying, “Hearing that makes this Binghe so happy. This Binghe would only ever want to help A-Yuan.”

ONLY EVER A-YUAN

Shen Qingqiu frowned in confusion. “Really? Are you sure—”

“Only A-Yuan.”

ahskfjhskd ONLY. EVER. A. YUAN. -

“Well then, I want to explain, Binghe.”

<333 -

But, despite what Luo Binghe said, he deserved to know and Shen Qingqiu did in fact owe it to him.

<3333333333 -

“The. The reason I was upset today was that many Peak Lords spent a lot of time today gossiping about this master. Specifically, t-the news of my poisoning being cured and the fact that, prior to that, I was. Entirely inexperienced.”

Awwww….. poor baby…. But, what a way to put it XD ”Entirely inexperienced” aka I only ever got off being mad at Airplane’s crappy writing until I met your unfairly sexy older self, who of course I had to be attracted to, given that he’s the most beautiful man ever, and more importantly, a grown-up and guilt-free version of you. Really, this master stood no chance, and of course my husband took the opportunity to educate me and relieve me of my inexperience...... XD Okay, I kind of ran away with it there ^^; -

How Binghe had suggested we are tied by fate, and how I. How I said it was special to me.

ashfashfkasjdhfksajdhfksjdhfksajdhf SPECIAL TO ME- -

“B-because it was my first time and that I acknowledged him as my husband. And how.” Shen Qingqiu gripped his robes tightly and barely managed to get out, “How I feel about Luo Binghe.”

ALKUDHALKDHSKLADHSKAJDSH HOW I FEEL ABOUT LUO BINGHE!!!!! -

Before Shen Qingqiu could blink, Luo Binghe had come around to his side, lifted his face up, and kissed him.

!!!!!!!!!

!

!!!!!!!!!

Shen Qingqiu didn’t even have time to process what was happening before Luo Binghe pulled away, glaring at him. Hand still on his face, he said, “Shen Yuan, this Binghe apologizes for kissing you and likely making you uncomfortable. I need you to understand something: I love you. When I told you I would not approach you as a disciple, that was for your comfort, not my own. If this Binghe had his way, he would never leave your side and we would bow to each other tomorrow. There is no one else for me, only you.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! -

I will do my best to respect your boundaries, but you must know that hearing you doubt my regard for you is probably the fastest way to make me lose control of myself. Even if you never believe me, please don’t say so in front of me.

awwwwwwwwwwwwww 😭 😭 😭

Shen Qingqiu blinked up at him, taken aback, lips tingling as if from an aftershock. “Oh.”

“Oh” indeed -

Luo Binghe hugged him. “Thank you, A-Yuan. Even if we never get around to dual cultivation, just being beside you and your most important person would make me the luckiest person in the world.”

Staunchly ignoring part of his statement, Shen Qingqiu lifted a hand and pet Luo Binghe’s hair. “This Shen Yuan would be the lucky one.”

DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO CRY NOPE -

“Apologies, A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe said, voice lower than Shen Qingqiu expected. “I felt the urge to kiss you again and had to move away.

Good Binghe – but also, poor, poor Binghe!!! All these feelings, and he doesn’t get to show them properly!!! But he’s respecting his Shizun and his boundaries!!! Ahhhhhh, I just love this Binghe so much!!! -

“But my fear is that, in retelling, the information I gave Mu Qingfang privately will twist. I don’t know exactly what he has written down and how it can be open to interpretation.”

What did he say – no, better question: what does Mu Qingfang’s notes say??? And what was going through his brain through that whole session?!?!?!??| -

It probably came from me describing how intimate everything felt and that I couldn’t imagine doing such a thing with anyone I trusted less than Binghe.”

sal;fj;aslfja;sldfjlsa;df my heart is melting -

He hadn’t put a lot of thought into his sexuality, really, outside of having to come to terms very quickly with his attraction to an adult Luo Binghe. But he was designed to be the most beautiful man in the world; what other choice did he have, really?

asjhfadf Ahhh, you’re too cute, Shen Yuan XD XD What possible choice did he have XD XD XD

“That’s okay, A-Yuan. I was just trying to understand. I think it’s okay not to know.”

It is okay to not know!!! -

“First round?”

Yes, this tea was delicious, the right blend of rosehips, chamomile, and passionflower. “Yes, since it only took one for the cure to go into effect.”

……….pfffffffffffffft -

“Um. The cure specifically requires a heavenly demon to… finish inside his partner.”

Shen Qingqiu’s face was on fire.

XDDDDDDD -

“As an adult, Binghe expends some energy to seem either fully human or fully demon at any given time. How could I claim to care for him and not take him as he is?”

awwwww -

Luo Binghe made a wounded noise and, before Shen Qingqiu could voice his concern he found himself in a tight hug from behind, his disciple’s face against his neck in a way that felt a little too close. He said, voice watery, “Thank you, A-Yuan. Thank you.”

awwwwwwwwwwwww

Shen Qingqiu pat his head, confused. “I didn’t do anything, Binghe.”

“You care; that’s enough. That’s everything.”

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

-----

On a scale of “small splinter” to “literal end of the world,” Luo Binghe would categorize the crisis he was having as a relatively mild “Liu Qingge is standing too close to his Shizun like a pet waiting to be praised.”

That was Luo Binghe’s position, thank you very much.

ashfaljsdhf I love it XD That’s his position -

It was late by the time he hugged Shen Yuan goodnight and left to let his future husband Shizun sleep.

asfasdjf -

Oh, Shen Yuan.

Oh, Shen Yuan, indeed ^^;; -

At a loss, with no one to rely on but himself, Luo Binghe headed back to his shared dorm room to meditate, hoping the exercises would help him clear his mind enough to actually think.

…good luck. You’ll need it. -

Because Shen Yuan already admitted to loving him, even if it wasn’t the way Luo Binghe loved him yet.

asdf <33333333 -

He hadn’t intended on being so blunt with his feelings so soon but seeing his Shen Yuan upset drove him to the edge of his control.

awwww, bby…. -

Now, now, he was nearly jogging in his haste to find a quiet place to calm down and not attempt murder on one of the many who dared make his A-Yuan cry. Either that or turn back around to the bamboo house and convince Shen Yuan that he wanted him more than his next breath. His beautiful, kind, brilliant A-Yuan, who could somehow not see Luo Binghe’s devotion after everything.

This… will not be changing anytime soon, poor baby… -

Luo Binghe needed to– …requires a heavenly demon to finish inside his partner. He needed– …I enjoyed it. He– How could I claim to care for him and not take him as he is? Gods, but Luo Binghe wanted nothing more than to–

 XD <3333333333333333333333 -

…oh, hi, Ming Fan. ‘sup. -

If he had learned anything over the past week, it was perspective. He knew now what it looked like when someone was jealous of his connection with Shen Qingqiu. While he doubted Ming Fan felt the desire to taste their Shizun’s moans that had seeped into Luo Binghe’s bones, he could tell the boy wished Shen Qingqiu relied on him more.

…wow -

While he would rather die than betray his A-Yuan’s trust, maybe some things could be shared. A common enemy or ten, for example.  

XD 👍 -

This lowly one does not know the details, but nearly every Peak Lord with the exceptions of Peak Lords Liu, Shang, and Mu… And Peak Lord Wei was especially vicious…”

TBH, the first time I read it, I got confused why Peak Lord Wei was on the list of exceptions 😅 I am not good at names, and that last ‘And’ tied Wei Qingwei in with the others in my mind. …not helped by the fact that I often listen to it while at work, rather than read it properly at  home ^^; -

“Well, Shizun is wise and above such petty squabbles, but this disciple is not.

asdhljk Bless you, Ming Fan

Yingying will…

A-ha! Caught that on a reread! 😏 I get what that’s referring to/implying now! -

With the other Peak Lords handled, Luo Binghe could dedicate himself to what really mattered.

Shen Yuan.

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww -----

Luo Binghe: WHO UPSET MY A-YUAN? I JUST WANNA TALK! (He did not, in fact, just want to talk.)

<333

This did not go the way I planned. I wanted MBJ and ZZL this chapter but I’m sad and wanted to post to feel a little less so. This was a struggle to get out with my computer crashing and me losing a good portion of the last bit.

: ( ooooof >_< I really feel your pain, there >__<

So, I think I can sum up this chapter by stating…

TOO MANY FEELS!!!!!!!!!

and – I have to admit that I tend to read and react to things… shallowly? I have to force myself to pause and consider things, and normally I’m to busy ravenously lunging for the next word, the next paragraph, the next page- So… when I miss things and misunderstand things, that’s really all on me ^_^;;;;;;;

That’s it for Chapter 2!! I’ll probably end up doing chapter 3 tomorrow,  around the same time!!!

Chapter 3!