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Day 4 of @traumas-tmntober-2024 Desperation

When in Doubt, Hug a Mikey

Raph didn't understand Donnie and as the oldest, his little brother's not functioning is his failure. Raph can't handle failure so he lashes out. It's not a recipe to repeat.

OR

ROTT kids (9, 8, 8, and 7) don't yet quite grasp Donnie's autism and Raph ends up shouting at him at the worst time possible and he runs off. Raph then has to navigate the sewers as guilt weighs over him to find his brothers.

Word Count: 1614

Raph was fine, he thought, his tail scratching against the concrete, his teeth chattering nervously when they didn't catch his lip. He didn't like being alone and it was just dangerous to leave Mikey behind as he searched for the twins. Mike was tucked in his shell and dozing in Raph's arms, squished as close as plastron on plastron could get.

His breath fogged in a thick cloud. The cold of the sewers seeped into his bones and the walls surrounding him seemed like they were closing in. Every echo only cemented just how lost he was. Even the scratching of Raph's scales on Mikey's carapace as he rubbed it to keep his baby brother warm sounded ominous and unfamiliar.

The guilt gnawed at him. He could still hear his own voice from hours ago, cutting through the air like a blade.

Thoughts flooded him from just before sundown where Donnie had refused to come and eat the food Dad had left out. Raph had taken it upon himself to make Don come and eat his food. He hadn't known how bad of a day he was already having and had only made it worse.

Donnie had sat hunched in the corner, hands pressed tightly over his ears, his glasses discarded and broken on the floor. He had retreated into his shell—both figuratively and, to some extent, literally. His breath was ragged, as if the weight of the world was pressing down on him.

Raph paced in front of him, his fists clenched at his sides. His voice was already raised, trembling with frustration and hurt.

"Donnie, stop acting like this! You think ignoring us is gonna make anything better? You think hiding away is the answer?" Raph’s tail thumped against the ground with every step, a physical manifestation of his barely controlled rage.

Donnie didn’t respond. He only tightened his grip over his ears, shutting everything out, his eyes squeezed shut as if trying to block out the world.

Before Raph could shout again, Leo stepped in, his hand on Raph’s shoulder.

“Raph,” Leo said quietly, his voice calm but firm. "That’s enough."

Raph jerked away from Leo’s touch, turning on him with blazing eyes. "Stay out of this, Leo. You don’t get it!"

"I do get it," Leo replied, his voice unwavering, but there was a softness in his little brother's eyes. "You're angry because you're scared. You're scared for him. But yelling at him isn’t going to help."

Raph’s chest heaved, his fists still clenched at his sides, trembling with the effort of holding back. "You don’t know how hard it is, Leo! Donnie won’t listen, he won’t talk to us, and I—" His voice broke for a second, raw emotion spilling through the cracks. "I don’t know how to help him."

Leo’s gaze softened further. "I know you’re trying, Raph. We all are. But this isn’t about you. Donnie’s not shutting us out because he wants to hurt you."

"I know that!" Raph snapped, but it sounded hollow, almost like he was trying to convince himself. "But what am I supposed to do? Just not help him? He won't eat, Leo!"

Leo took a step closer, his voice dropping to something more understanding. "You don’t have to do nothin’. You just have to stop trying to fix everything with your fists and anger." He glanced at Donnie, who was still curled up, barely holding himself together. "Right now, he needs us to just be there. Not to force him to do anything."

Raph growled in frustration, running a hand over his face. "Really? That’s your answer? That’s all you’ve got?" He turned away, pacing again, his anger bubbling up, but now it was directed inward as much as outward. "I’m supposed to just sit back and let him fall apart?"

Leo’s voice remained calm, but there was an edge to it now. "Raph, he’s already struggling. You can’t fight that for him. It can't be yelled at or beaten up. What you can do is be there when he’s ready."

Raph stopped in his tracks, his shoulders tense. His eyes flicked to Donnie, then back to Leo. His voice came out low, dangerous. "You think I haven’t tried that? I’m always there. But every time I reach out, he pulls away. He acts like he doesn’t need us. Like he doesn’t need me."

Leo's expression shifted slightly, a hint of sympathy deepening in his eyes. He understood now what Raph wasn’t saying directly. This wasn’t just about Donnie shutting down. It was about Raph feeling helpless, useless even, in the face of something he couldn’t control or fix.

"You’re not the problem, Raph," Leo said gently, "And you’re not useless. Donnie’s always done stuff we don’t fully understand. But pushing him harder only makes him withdraw more. Remember?"

Raph opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it, biting down on his lip, his snaggletooth almost cutting in. His eyes flicked again to Donnie, who still hadn’t moved. The sight of his brother, so small and broken, made something twist painfully in his chest. He was scared. t

Terrified, even. And he hated how small he felt even when he was the biggest and strongest. But the more he pushed, the more it felt like Donnie was slipping away.

Leo watched him, his voice softening even further. "We can’t force him to open up, Raph. He’ll.. snap out of it when he’s ready. But right now, you need to give him space. We're practically smothering him with togetherness right now." He joked poorly.

Raph’s breath hitched, his voice dropping to almost a whisper. "What if he doesn’t come back? What if we lose him?"

Leo’s face softened but he remained calm. "We won’t lose him. We just have to trust him to find his way through this, and be there when he does."

Raph looked at Leo, his eyes searching for some kind of answer, something that would make all of this make sense. But there wasn’t anything, only the uncertainty that came with watching someone you love struggle, knowing you couldn’t fight the battle for them. Couldn't shield them: take the punches. Just forced to wait.

Before Raph could say anything more, there was a sudden movement from Donnie. He stood up abruptly, his hands still covering his ears, his eyes wide and unfocused. Without warning, he bolted toward the door, stumbling in his panic, barely able to see without his glasses.

"Donnie, wait!" Raph shouted, his heart leaping into his throat. But Donnie was already gone, the door slamming behind him.

Leo reacted immediately, sprinting after Donnie without hesitation. "Raph, stay with Mikey! I’ll find him!"

But Raph stood frozen for a moment, his heart racing, his mind spinning with guilt, fear, and frustration. His anger at Leo, at Donnie, at himself, all felt meaningless now.

When he finally scooped up Mikey, the weight of everything felt like it was crushing him. He had let his temper get the best of him, again. And Donnie was gone.

Now, as the slow hours of night stretched into dawn, Raph trudged through the sewers, his limbs heavy with fatigue and guilt. Every shadow felt like it could be Donnie or Leo, but they weren’t. He had been searching for what felt like an eternity.

The cold seeped into his bones, each breath a reminder of how long they’d been gone. He could only hope Leo had found Donnie by now, that maybe they were huddled up somewhere safe. But there was no sign. Only the occasional plip of water and his own heartbeat drumming in his ears.

He stopped to catch his breath, shifting Mikey slightly so he wasn’t as squished. He stared down the tunnel, difficult even with his enhanced vision.

“I’m sorry, Donnie,” Raph whispered, though no one could hear him. The weight of his own words felt like they might crush him. He hadn’t meant any of it. He was just scared. He didn’t know how to fix things. Donnie's the one who fixed things! For the most part.

Suddenly, a sound – a faint shuffle in the distance, barely audible over the drip of the sewers. Raph’s heart skipped a beat.

“Mikey,” he said, more to steady himself than to wake his brother, “I think we’re close.”

He trudged forward, muscles tense, his grip on Mikey’s shell tightening. He strained his ears, listening for any sign of life. It was hard to tell in the dark, but the movement grew louder, the sound of feet scuffling through water.

"Leo? Donnie?" His voice came out rough, desperate. He waited, holding his breath.

Then, a shadow appeared, moving toward him.

"Raph?" It was Leo’s voice, weary but unmistakable. Relief washed over him like a wave.

"Leo!" Raph’s legs moved on their own, carrying him toward the shadow. As he got closer, he could see Leo, soaked, exhausted, but standing upright. His face was a mask of determination, but beneath it, there was relief too.

And there, behind Leo, was Donnie, eyes red, trembling, but alive.

Raph nearly collapsed, his chest heaving with emotion. He wanted to say something, to apologise, but all that came out was a choked sob.

Leo was the first to speak, his voice soft. "We found him, Raph. He’s okay. Let’s all go home." His grin was clear even in the near pitch black tunnel. “Before Dad notices it's been too quiet.”

Donnie had given up fighting and in fact let Raph hold him gently, Leo now holding the still asleep Mikey. The blubbering was just starting to quiet down when Leo quipped. “What are you crying for? You know I always find my twin.”

Hiiii!! Thanks for reading this.

Today's prompt was difficult because I had so many half baked idead and couldn't commit to any one. I decided to do another Rise fic too even though most of the ideas ended up with 2012 like the desperation felt in the early s3 or with Mikey in Into Dimension X.

I decided I'd written a lot of hard hitting angst lately and wrote something eadier to figest with a much fluffier ending and giving Raph his much needed spotlight. He's underrated by the community!!!

I'd love comments both good and critical of my work. I struggle with dialogue and making the turtles sound the ages I've decided so any help on that front would be greatly appreciated!! Toodles!