Best Friend!jaemin - Tumblr Posts

[3:02] "Stop being cheesy in front of me," you glare at your best friend and sister as they steal kisses and candies from each other. You huff, focusing back on the video game and violently hitting Jaemin's character instead of killing the enemy, leading to your defeat.

Game over.

You groan, "Freaking lovebirds bring me bad luck!"

They haven't said a word, not even daring to bite back at your playful remark, just looking at each other. You shake your head and smile fondly. You stood up, moving to the kitchen, where you take a glass of water and clutch on your heart.

It feels strange.

They didn't even notice you leaving.

Jaemin looked beautiful when he's with your sister. Honestly, he looks beautiful even when he's not, but... well, there's something else. He looks happier. Livelier. As if he wants to live for an eternity no matter how cruel the world is.

As children, it was the two of you against the world. It was you he played games with, stared at, smiled at. Only you. It was your name written on his wrist by glittery pink ink. It was his doing that your parents always scolded you both for wrapping your pinky fingers in red ribbons, saying you're both too young for such things. Things didn't change much even as you grew up.

Or, at least, until your sister came back home from a faraway land unfamiliar to you.

Maybe it's not jealousy in your heart. Maybe it's actually envy. It might not be 'why is it her?' and rather, 'why is it not me instead?'

Because yes, you'll admit, you love him. Your best friend who you love with more than a best friend would. You love him, but you don't say, you never will. You're in love with him, but it's nothing enough to change fate, alter the world. You see in his eyes, the same ones you fell into, that he could never look at you the same way.

He'd never love you. Not the same way you loved him.

But her... well, she put stars in his eyes. She hangs the moon in his night sky, lifts the sun to rise in his world. She was new. She didn't know him at all, hasn't been there in his ups and downs. She wasn't there for him when you were and she didn't comfort him like you did. It wasn't fair!

It wasn't fair...

But it made him happy.

And when it made Jaemin happy, why would it matter if was fair at all?

You take deep breathes, soft against the rim of the glass. It must be suffocating, the grip you have on it. A little stronger and it'll break under your fingers. Water drips down your neck, and it's not spilling from your lips because of the water you just drank.

You're crying. Were you happy? Were you sad? Or, were you tired of having to be both, happy for them and sad for yourself?

You would always be the best friend and her the girlfriend. He put a ribbon on your finger and a ring on hers. He promised to be by your side forever, and he promised to live with her for the rest of his eternity. No matter how you look at it, it didn't matter that he knew you deeper, longer. You're the best friend.

The girl he went to school with everyday, the girl he exchanged presents with every holiday. The first girl to tell him he's beautiful and it's fine to love flowers and the color pink. The first girl he brought home, introduced to his family. The first girl to know about his parents' divorce, the first one to comfort him, from then even until the funeral of his father and more times aside from that. The first girl who let him know it was okay to cry, to be sad.

And, years down the line, he'd realize that you're the first girl he's ever truly fell in love with. Rose petals scatter the red carpet, youthful whites against passionate red. He's come to regret the years he wasted looking at you like anything else but a woman, scared that if he saw you in any light other than his best friend, he'd fall irrevocably in love. Love scared him. Though, he realizes just then, loss scared him more. Loss of you. Loss of the chance to love you. To have you. To kiss you. To hold you.

To have forever with you.

Just then. He realizes just then.

As you walk down the aisle, a flower path leading to a man that's not him.