Bldrdsh - Tumblr Posts

she tucks an errant strand of hair behind her ear before settling her hands back into her lap. where could she possibly begin? when she closes her eyes, her daughter's face burns into her mind — all that horror and fear, the tears brimming from eyes so much like james's.

❝ she wouldn't even look at me, ❞ she says after a heartbeat, her gaze affixed on the wall behind jamie. when her gaze finally flickers to him, pain fills her eyes. ❝ my being alive, it ... it hurt her. ❞

she knows she isn't catherine, at least not in the ways that count most. that doesn't change the way she aches to comfort her daughter, to make up for the thirty years lost to them.

❝ madison creating me was bad enough, but it was never supposed to harm eliana. i was never supposed to leave the institute. ❞

to simply cease to exist is not in catherine's nature. her mind, however splintered it may be, still possesses knowledge to help the wasteland. if she can use it without causing further harm ...

❝ chris said you would understand what it was like to wake up again, but i think what i really need from you is a purpose. you found one for madison, didn't you? let me help your mission. i know i'll never be her mother, but i can at least make this world a little better for eliana. ❞

@nuclearbinds said:

❛ I have questions. I have doubts. I don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore. ❜ - from catherine to jamie!!

He pauses briefly, eyes focused on what he'd been doing before turning his attention to her. He had been ASKED ( by Chris no less ) to speak with her. He hadn't really realized who she was until her name came up.

She's Eliana's Mother. Or rather...AN ECHO of her perhaps. She hadn't spoken about her mother much, and judging by what Jamie knew, she died giving birth to her, so it was HARDLY a surprise that she was a point of distress & tension.

Her being a synth certainly complicated matters further ( he'd be having a discussion with Dr. Li about this later ). When she'd entered she'd been SHEEPISH, almost unsure. According to Chris & June they'd found her and Eliana went into a near catatonic state, seemingly unable to respond at all.

He gestures, a seat before him on the other side of his desk, and when she finally finds it he begins. Hands fold first onto the desk as he speaks evenly.

"Yes. I imagine...I imagine you are feeling overwhelmed."

He could relate. He distinctly recalls his OWN experiences with...an afterlife and waking up immediately following it by being very much "alive". It was a point where it gave him CLARITY on how Danse felt when the revelation came out.

"Mr. Wells thought I might be able to give some...HELP on this matter considering I have an intimate understanding of what you might be going through. Now I am not one to mince words, nor am I especially apt on...this. But if you have any questions, this is a safe space."

❝ i'm dying to know -- what sort of brother is preston? he's so nice and serious, but he had to have played some pranks on you. something. ❞

her own younger brothers rejoiced to cause her annoyance and frustration, much to her chagrin. noah and daniel had been tornadoes in miniature.

❝ when i was 15, my brothers tried to flush my makeup down the toilet. ❞ never mind that it took her weeks at her summer job to afford such little luxuries. ❝ it clogged and our bathroom flooded. water was everywhere. i don't think i'd ever seen my pops that mad before. ❞ / @bldrdsh for penelope!

@bldrdsh said: “Let’s get you some food.” from marshal @ either kate or james :]

hands on her hips, kate lets her head hang, chin near bumping her chest as takes in a shaky breath. she should have left this to the minutemen. sanctuary hills had only been her home for a short time when the bombs fell, but that doesn't change a damn thing, because, here she is, turning her neighbors' lives to scrap, all while pretending her own home, dilapidated as it is, doesn't even exist.

she gives another glance from beneath her lashes at the family photo that elicted the reaction in the first place. she can't even remember the names of the smiling faces peering at her through broken glass and two centuries of dust.

all those people ... and not a soul to remember who they were.

marshall's voice startles her, and she stands ramrod straight. she hurriedly swipes away a few stray tears she hadn't known escaped her.

❝ lunch already? ❞ she asks with a weak smile. ❝ i was just finished here, anyway. ❞

@bldrdsh said: ❛ this day feels like it's never gonna end. ❜ penelope @ june

❝ all in a day's work, though, right? ❞ she says, forcing an exhausted smile. she takes a moment to lean against a barely standing fencepost, checking her weight against it before she relaxes completely. ❝ i haven't had a day like this in ages. in a way, it's kind of nice, being there for people again. ❞

june's smile brightens, more genuine this time as she gains a second ( or is it a third or fourth? ) wind. her hands fall against her thighs as she straightens back up. ❝ i think we've pretty well cleared this place, though. bye-bye raiders! ❞

she juts a thumb at a house down the street. ❝ i saw a few books and things i want to take back with us before the elements get them entirely. mind helping me carry them? ❞

@bldrdsh said: ❛ do you think we're gonna survive this? ❜ dorothy @ catherine

❝ yes, yes! of course, ❞ she says, reaching out to lay a reassuring hand on the young woman's forearm. ❝ this storm will pass us right by. we'll be fine. ❞ she gives her arm a gentle squeeze before releasing it, walking a few steps away to peer out into the street. any creature or human with any sense has stowed away like them, leaving an eerie silence and a rapidly darkening sky in their wake.

❝ don't worry your pretty little head, sweetheart, ❞ catherine continues, turning on her heel to go back to dorothy. ❝ you'll be home and safe with your family soon enough. ❞

@bldrdsh said: ❛  i didn't think you'd care so much.  ❜ from jamie @ james

❝ well, you know what they say about assumptions. ❞

he quirks a brow, expression guarded as he assesses jamie. maybe he doesn't totally blame him for thinking the worst. he can't say the wasteland brings out the best in him.

❝ danse and i might not be best buddies. ❞ an understatement. everything to do with the brotherhood makes his skin crawl. ❝ but i don't want the guy dead, for christ's sake. both of you are welcome here. anytime. for any reason. i just hope he checks all the brotherhood bullshit at the door. ❞

crossing his arms, his mouth twists into an uncertain frown. ❝ selling your soul to folks like that ... it doesn't end well. ever. ❞

❝ buddy, you are preaching to the choir right now. if i had a nickel for every time i've seen the military trick people into some bullshit in the name of the greater good, ❞ he snorts, upper lip pulling into a snarl. ❝ i'd have plenty of nickels. ❞

his own military service still eats away at him. all those lives lost, and this is what it got them: the same story, played out in different scenery. war never changes and all that nonsense.

he scratches at the stubble on his jaw.

❝ look, i just want them to take the hindenburg junior and get the hell out of the commonwealth. it's not my fault everyone else is out for blood. i'm just their desired weapon. a pawn like everybody else. ❞

he doesn't bother to hide the resentment in his voice. it doesn't escape his notice that every faction is clamoring for him to do their dirty work. not even the minutemen have escaped that entirely.

❝ a guy wakes up, dead wife and missing kid, and suddenly he's savior of the wasteland. standards aren't high out here. ❞

"Rest assured Paladin Danse's temperament is..."

HE TRAILS OFF, trying to figure out how best to phrase it without making him sound like a dog on a leash. Despite everything, the man had been beaten on enough by the circumstances he now faced.

"...a work in progress."

It's the best he can say. However when he continues speaking, the mention of the Brotherhood, there's something of a bit of frustration that hits him. Jamie had SOME of the same thoughts, but he had the full picture, JAMES DID NOT.

"I will see to it that his ramblings stay to himself, but to be clear; this is but ONE instance of the Brotherhood, it does not reflect on the whole organization. Despite the actions of the collective, there are plenty of people within it who are deserving of mercy."

her brow furrows, frustration etching itself into the faint lines of her forehead. it smooths as quickly as it appears, and catherine slumps in her seat.

❝ it used to be much easier, ❞ she says, letting out a humorless laugh. ❝ i had james and project purity, then eliana. i knew where i was needed. ❞ now, her baby is grown, her husband dead and the purifier up and running, all without her interference. ❝ but now, i'm not a wife, or a mother, or even a scientist. ❞

she thinks of madison, tries for the millionth time to reconcile her with the little girl she once knew and the ambitious woman she last recalls, prior to these last few months in the institute.

❝ i hope you won't be too hard on madison, ❞ she adds quietly. ❝ she was lonely, and, well, no one knew her like me, i suppose. ❞ in another life, it might make her chuckle, to think of the stoic dr. li foregoing all rationale to recreate her best friend. ❝ we grew up together, her and i. goodness, i don't know that we were ever apart until -- ❞

she catches herself reminiscing and flashes jamie an apologetic smile.

❝ it sounded as if you and eliana have known each other for some time, too. are you from the capital wasteland? ❞

It's hard for him to deny that this was all feeling INCREDIBLY familiar, especially considering the fact that beyond the simple fact that he had already lived through experience, this had more than a little rippling impact on everyone involved. Her very presence had sent Eliana into a practically catatonic state the moment the came face to face.

HE LISTENS, something he is typically much more sparing with, but as per the special request, he was treating this as what it was. A special edge case in an otherwise largely clear experiment of how to bounce back from the apocalypse.

"It...you, you're complicated for her. Though she never told me much, the information I did gather is something that would take a NORMAL circumstance years to untangle. I want to be clear, you are of no fault in this, and despite how she might act and how...EXTREME her reaction was, she is unlikely to hold any of this against you."

He clears his throat, trying to figure out how to navigate this fully. It's a hard situation to understand, especially considering the fact that she didn't have ANY CHOICE. One could be forgiven for thinking she was right to feel overwhelmed.

"That's different, Dr. Li's mind is brilliant, and despite her flaws I have always respected her for her pragmatism when it came to science. And while she had a lapse in judgment, you're not to blame for that."

BEFORE HE CAN CONTINUE, her response comes. Purpose. It's ironic to him that PURPOSE is what she seeks answers on, when in truth even he couldn't answer that for her. He pauses once again, hands folding before him before he exhales quietly.

"...I'm afraid I can't answer that for you."

a low rumble of thunder hums through the air. catherine swears she can feel the electricity, coiling like a snake, building around them. despite her own unease ( she never much liked storms herself, though they were few and far between in d.c. ), she keeps her expression cheerful.

❝ well, i'm no replacement for your dad, of course, but i'll sit with you, ❞ she says. ❝ you know what, how about a distraction to pass the time? why don't you tell me about yourself, rose? about your family? ❞

She pauses momentarily, glancing at the other woman as she tries to think quickly. Storms always made her so nervous, and while usually Rose was able to quell it, she'd been venturing forth further without the protective stance of her sister to make her feel more at ease.

She frowns a little, looking at the other woman for a moment before drawing in a quiet breath and rubbing the back of her neck.

"I know I know, I just...storms aren't really my favorite thing. Ever since I was a little girl, and normally my father will sit with me until I'm able to sleep properly."