Changbin Fics - Tumblr Posts

• friend Stray Kids saving you (or being saved by you) from a bad date | Changbin x reader

Chan , Minho, Hyunjin, Jisung , Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin.

genre: exes to friends to lovers, angst, happy ending

warnings: smut, mention and vague description of depression.

a/n: I tried something different for Changbin's part of the series and i don't think it's how I wanted it to be, but this is the best i can come up with rn. So here's almost 4k of smut and angst and angsty smut.

Your dress is too tight and your shoes are killing you, and this is all your fault. There’s a guy sitting on the other side of the table and he’s polite, he’s good looking, he has a good job and he is a nice guy all around. But he’s not… he’s not for you. No one is for you, you’re destined to be alone and, since you broke up with Changbin, over a year ago, the world has been sending you clues that confirm this theory.

Not that you’re an expert in relationships: in your first relationship your boyfriend cheated on you, and your last (number 2 out of 2, if we want to be precise) ended up with two broken hearts and a lack of hope about love.

The story goes like that: you met Changbin in college and you were suddenly drawn towards him, his sunny disposition, his loud laugh and his gorgeous smile. You didn’t share any classes, but you had a couple of common friends of friends, so it wasn’t too far-fetched hoping to meet him at a party, and you did. You danced so close to each other you can still taste his cologne on your tongue, his strong hands on your hips and you hoped they would leave marks on you. He walked you to your dorm and asked permission to kiss you, asked you out the next day, asked you to be his girlfriend the next week. It was all perfect, he was perfect, and you were so happy your first real love was him. You knew he loved you by the way he would touch you anytime he made love to you, and you knew you loved him. So you told him you loved him, and he complained he wanted to be the first one to say it. He kissed and bought you flowers on the way to the restaurant. On his weekly call with his parents he talked about you, told them he wanted to bring you home, that you were the one he would marry, and wanted them to consider you a daughter. And you loved every single word that left his mouth, wanting the same things.

And when you won a scholarship for a two year abroad program, he promised he would call every day, he would save money so he could come visit you. And he did, he called everyday, he wrote constantly, he would order flowers and have them delivered to you, he came to you when you felt homesick just a month after having left.

But it broke you. The constant loneliness, the distance, the lack of physical reassurance you were used to having from him, the absence of his smell in your nose, the absence of him was too much. He tried to comfort you, he doubled his calls and messages, he surprised you again outside your last class on a Friday, he held you closer to him, whispering how much you meant to him, how proud he was of you, how he was gonna marry you, how happy you were making him. He never wavered, never doubted your love, never complained, never broke his promises, never even considered putting an end to it. But you did.

You broke up with him. Constant images of him falling in love with some other girl he met in college, images of him being happy without you, being happy with his friends, carefree and not tied to someone too far to be relevant; it was too much, and you did what you did trying to protect yourself from even more suffering. You broke up with him and asked him to please stay your friend. In hindsight, you know it was wrong. You did him a disservice even just thinking he would cheat or forget about you just because you were physically distant, but emotions are not something you can easily reason with.

In hindsight you know you hurt him in ways he didn’t deserve, but it’s easy to say it now. Now that you’re friends again, with shared friends and enough emotional distance to be able to see each other without wanting to rip your hearts from your chests. Now you can joke about daily stuff, tease each other and eat together, knowing each other and being happy you’re still part of the other’s life. Now you’re friends and he’ll always be the only man you loved, cause you are never going to fall in love again. You’re never letting yourself be vulnerable, you’re never getting into a situation that can lead to a broken heart. Your heart broke when you broke Changbin’s and you left pieces of it in memories of your love for him, in the memories of him looking at you like you hung the moon. But how can you repair a broken heart, when you don’t trust the glue to hold? How can you repair it when you don’t trust yourself not to break it into pieces again?

You can’t. So you keep yourself at a distance from emotions. You have friends, a cat, a nice job. You don’t need anything else. The date is not a bad one, but it’s not what you want. You want a distraction, you want someone who gets you without having to explain yourself, you want someone you can keep at a distance. You’re planning your exit when your phone vibrates and a new excuse comes up in your mind. 

While texting with Changbin, you apologize with your date, saying there is an emergency and you have to leave and you’re sorry and the old trite excuses. You can see Changbin shaking his head while staring at this phone, so you press him for a rescue. He finally decides to enter and approach the table.

“Sorry to bother you, I’m agent Seo and I have to ask you a couple of questions.” He says in a deep voice, one you can recognize from years of bad jokes and mocking Felix.

“An agent?” Asks the other guy, in part suspicious and in part surprised.

You lightly punch Changbin and turn to your date. “Don’t mind him, please. He was born dumb. As I was saying, there's an emergency with a friend and we must go help him out.” There’s a fake expression of contrite on your face, but you don’t want the man to think it’s his fault this date is ending so fast. 

You manage to leave the restaurant quickly, and the warm spring hair is better than you were hoping.

“What were you doing, by the way?” You’re walking at a leisure speed in a tiny alley you both know it’s gonna bring you to the river. This time of the year is the perfect moment to walk along the river, the only downside is the amount of couples walking like you’re going to do.

“I’m trying to work on a song but nothing works. I’m stuck.”

“The great Seo Changbin? The mighty SpearB is stuck?” This, the teasing, the talking, the walking close towards a destination, is familiar like coming home after a long vacation. Everything is sort of weird, like you need to make everything real again, but it’s also exactly like you left it. Everything is still there, waiting for you to come home.

Without noticing it, you walk and chat for hours and it’s too late to be still today but too early to call it tomorrow. It’s the best moment of the night, a moment in which the city is sleeping and magic is possible, it’s a moment outside of time. A liminal time belonging to neither today nor tomorrow. And maybe exactly because of this, when Changbin stops outside your building’s door, wishing you goodnight, you don’t let him go. You hold his hand in yours and ask him not to leave you alone, to come up to your place, to keep you company.

He knows this is gonna break up his heart again, a knife digging deeper on a still open wound, but he can’t say no. He doesn’t know how to. And he knows you don’t mean it as anything more than just sex and the comfort of someone knowing you, knowing how to make you moan and make you cum, but he takes it anyway. He’ll take anything that comes from you. 

Because when you swore you’re never going to have your heart broken, he realized he was never going to get his heart to heal. Because the one he’s sure is the love of his life, doesn’t want love from him.

Just like he accepted it the first time, heart hurting and tears falling from his eyes until he got into Chan’s arms, where he collapsed and mourned your story, he accepts now. A tiny nod and he’s following you into the elevator.

He knows this is gonna hurt, but it’s not new, just different. He hurts when you say you’re not gonna let anyone get close to you. He hurts when you wear something he gifted you. He hurts when his mom asks about you, about how you’re doing. He hurts when Chan begs him to move on, to stop feeling so deep it’s slowly killing him. He hurts because you don’t know any of this, and he hurts fearing the day you might find out. He hurts, so might as well make it hurt for something he craves.

He knows what it is that you want, and he wastes no time kissing you, his lips soft yet demanding over yours, stealing your breath. His tongue is mapping your mouth, but it’s more like an expert of the zone. He spent months, years, worshiping every spot of your body, and he didn’t forget anything. His hands aren’t cautious on your body, either. Pushing and pulling. The green dress is quickly discarded on the floor and so is his shirt and trousers. His eyes might be the same, his voice too, but his body is different. That’s what happens when you try to bury the grief under hours in the gym. His shoulders are bigger, stronger, more defined, and you bite them, leaving marks as you go. Down to his chest and his tummy, luckily still covered by a layer of fat, until you’re on your knees, mouthing at his hard cock still covered by his underwear. If you were honest with yourself, you’d admit you missed this: his eyes filled with lust, the way he tastes, the way you can smell him from this position. But it’d be too much, too raw, so you set honestly aside and try to barricade your heart like you did for the past months.

From your positions you look up to him, eyes pleading with him to let you take what you want, and he’s a weak weak man, and all it takes is a nod from him and you’re finally getting him completely naked. Muscle memory takes the lead, and you’re licking at the head of his cock, humming around it just to hear him moan. You spit on it and use your fingers to help you make his shaft wet, easing the glide. His moans are beautiful, always so vocal and communicative. Changbin’s hands wrap around your head, holding you by your hair, and he fucks his thick cock into your mouth. “You’ve always been so good at this. Your mouth… fuck, your mouth.” His voice is deep and raspy and you’re aching between your legs, wet and neglected. You press your fingers down on your wet cunt, directly on your clit and thrust against them to relieve some of the need. “Please, Bin.” You lick a fat stripe from the base to the head of his cock. He can’t resist your begging, and it takes you both just a moment to fall in bed. Changbin’s on his back, his hands on your hips and you guide his length into your sopping hole. The stretch is a bit on the painful side, but it’s so exhilarating to feel it. Changbin watches you, still, except for his heaving chest and his hands squeezing at your hips, waiting for you to start. Waiting for you to dig the knife a little deeper. With your hands on his chest, you ride him fast and dirty. The room is filled with moans and groans and the squelching sounds you make anytime you move on top of him and the slaps of your ass against his bare sweaty thighs. It’s the most sensual music you’ve heard in ages. “You feel so good, always so good inside me” you praise him and it’s too much for him. Changbin plants his feet on the mattress and moves you: down against his cock and up, and down again. You forgot how addictive the drag of his cock against your walls felt. “It’s because I was made to fuck your pussy, nothing else can compare.” You tell yourself it is just something in the heat of the moment, it means nothing, right?

But it’s just a second later when he’s pulling you closer, strong arms crossed behind your back to keep you pushed against his chest. He’s fucking you fast and deep and it feels so good, he’s always known how to make you cum fast. You’re about to ask for something not even you know what it is, but he knows before you do. Changbin slaps your ass open handed and the sharp pain makes you cry in pleasure and pain mixed. You’re so close already, needing something, anything, and he delivers. He takes hold of your hips again and pushes you down on his cock, your clit pressing against his pubic bone and forces you to grind on him, making you shake, making you cum in an instant. You cry his name when you cum, and for a few moments he’s the only thing filling your mind. Changbin knows overstimulation is welcomed, so he keeps thrusting his hips against you and, without even asking, he pushes as deep as he can inside you and cums. You trust him like you’ve never trusted anyone else, so you can focus on the feeling of being filled, shaking and panting on his chest. You kiss his neck and bite lightly at his collarbone. “Fuck, this was so good…” you whisper. You dismount him but stay close to him, your head close to his on the pillow. Changbin’s heaving chest is glistening under the artificial lights that seep through the window, and you just want to draw indefinite shapes on his skin with your fingers. Changbin’s breath slows down and has an indecipherable smile on his lips. “What?” you ask. He turns his body towards you and for a long moment the only noise you can hear are the noises of the city filtered by the walls and the rustling of the sheets under your bodies. “This was good, you’re right. We should do it again”. You’re not sure that’s a good idea, and your expression tells him without you having to talk. His hand is on your cheek now, slowly sliding down on your neck and stopping there, fingers moving slowly and looking for your pulse point. “You should use me like this again.”

“Changbin…” you lift yourself on an elbow, a frown deep between your eyebrows. He can’t be doing this right now, he knows you. “I know,” he interrupts before you even form a sentence in your mind. “I’m not asking you to get back together. But we’re good at this. So let’s not stop. Use me anytime you want to, I’ll never say no to you.” His fingers keep slowly moving on your neck, your collarbones, your shoulders, and something in your stomach wants to escape, wants to scream and trash your body.

“Why?”

“I told you, we’re goo-”

“Is it just that? You want us to be… what? Friends with benefits?”

“Call it whatever you want.” He knows you too much for your own good, that’s why he keeps distracting you with his fingers and now with his lips on your shoulder, your upper arm, the swell of your still naked breast. You bury a hand in his unruly hair, undecided if you want to pull him in or push him away. Changbin’s tongue is playing with your nipple, wet and warm and so perfect, so skilled. “I don’t…” a breathy moan interrupts your words. “Don’t think it’s a good idea.” Almost as a punishment for your words, he nips at your nipple and tugs at it, still clamped between his teeth. He releases it and licks it, maybe an apology, maybe he’s just enjoying the noises you’re making. “Let me at least have this. I won’t ask for more.” He looks up at you, and there’s something in his eyes that makes you want to cry. Why are you feeling guilty? Why do you feel like you’re breaking his heart once again? “I know you don’t want a relationship, but if this is all I can have, I’m gonna take it.” Guilt gnaws at your stomach. Changbin kisses your sternum, your breast again, and hides in the crook of your neck. “You deserve better than…this.” Better than me.

“Maybe. But I want this. I’ll be glad for whatever you’ll let me have. Are you going to deny it to me?” Are you? With your hand still in his hair you push him away from your neck and kiss him on the side of his lips. “Let me think about it, uh? Let’s sleep for now”.

As soon as his breathing slows down, you slip off the bed to go clean yourself and wash your face. You look at yourself in the mirror, and you hate your reflection. With just a few requests, he made months of walls crumble like a house of cards under a storm. How can you stop the flood of feelings, now that the dam has shattered? And just like your feelings, tears are now cascading down your cheeks and a sob threatens to escape, too loud for the quiet hours. You calm yourself and, once back into the bedroom, you stop to look at Changbin’s sleeping form. He still looks so young, like nothing has changed in the last years, like you didn’t break his heart because you were too scared to suffer. And yet you made him suffer. This beautiful, sweet man who presented you the world into his hands and gifted it to you, who never once addressed to you in a mean way, not even when he had all the reasons to. This amazing man who’s ready to be hurt again just for some crumbles, and who deserves so much more.

You lie in bed again, covering both of you with the light duvet, and trace his facial features with a light touch. Now that you can’t lie to yourself anymore, you admit you missed this. Not just the sex, but the intimacy, hearing his soft snoring at night, feeling his ruffled hair under your fingers, simply just him. You fall asleep with a hand on his chest, counting his heart’s beats.

Hours later, you feel him stir under your arms. During the night you migrated towards him and hugged him. You’re not ready to let him go, physically and figuratively, so you strengthen your hold around his waist and place a delicate kiss behind his neck. “If you don’t have somewhere to go, would you stay?” 

“Ready for round two?” He rebuts, but you could feel the way his breath hitched. “No, maybe later. I was just thinking we could talk.”

“A simple ‘no’ would do just fine.” There’s fake humor in his tone, but he’s not fooling you. Not now that you’re letting yourself notice things again. “Binnie, would you consider dating me again?” 

Changbin’s strong, so it doesn’t really take effort to escape from your hold to sit on the bed and look at you suspiciously and with anger in his eyes. “Don’t be cruel.”

“That’s not-” You sit and rub your face with your hands in frustration. But he deserves patience. “Binnie, I’ve tried to barricade myself from feeling, and I managed pretty well until now. But the thing is… I know I made a mistake breaking up with you, and I know you didn’t deserve it then and you don’t deserve it now, but I'm still so in love with you…” He wipes a tear away from your face but says nothing, so you keep talking. “For so long I couldn't imagine myself with someone at my side, but I'm now realizing it’s because it’s you or no one. And I know I don’t deserve a second chance-”

“Answer one question.” You nod and once again you say a silent thank you to whoever decided to put you in the path of this amazing man. “Why did you break things off?”

“Because I was scared you’d leave me. I convinced myself you would find someone better and set me aside like I never mattered.”

“Did I ever do something to make you feel like that?” You shake your head, hating yourself. “Never, Bin. I was not expecting to miss you so much, and I think I spiraled and I didn’t accept your help. I think I was…”

You can’t say it, but he does it for you. “Depressed.” You sob again, but you’re not alone anymore. Changbin hugs you and throws the covers on both of you, holding and rocking you slowly, remembering it used to bring you comfort. 

“I never stopped loving you.” Hearing your confession is what finally makes him cry. 

It takes a while, but three months later you’re out on a date. You’re happy, holding hands and eating ice cream while watching the Han river’s rapid course and the reflection of the sun on it. Changbin laughs at the ice cream melting down your fingers and, uncaringly of the people surrounding you, he licks it. 

That’s the best thing of being in love with your soulmate, no matter what, you’re gonna end up together.