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ONLY 1 MORE DAY OF ARTFIGHT WOAHG
Attacks on @helldenizen, @/gertrudemcducko, @jovialodyssey and @wabbitears!!!!!!
whatever it takes. he suddenly realizes his regret: telling her those words. if not even for his jealousy, but for putting her in such a position. warming up to cresseida, shamelessly flirting just to keep her attention off of tarquin, had stirred such mixed feelings of guilt simmering in his gut. disgust, for himself. the lingering effects of amarantha, sickening him & haunting his dreams, to the point of another sleepless night. to think he'd put feyre in the same position ... it's enough to drown out his jealousy, wishing that maybe she weren't acting with tarquin. he was good, honest. ( not a man who will stop at no cost, destroying everything he cares about in the process. )
" i heard what you told him. that he would be easy to fall in love with. so yes, i was jealous of him. " air sucks in between his teeth, whatever remnants of his mask crumbling apart. he lays himself bare, vulnerable in a way he's not sure he's ever been in front of anyone before. yet his voice is dry, composed, unable to convey just how painful this is. " because i will never be that sort of person ... for anyone. i was jealous because it will always be easy for him. he will never know what it's like to look up at the night sky and wish. "
“ i was focused on the job you sent me here to do. ” too focused. like the traitor i was, it was almost too easy to poor my entire energy into cozying up to tarquin, in order to gain access to his more private suites and confidential hard drive. despite the guilt that gnawed at me, knowing i was actively betraying someone who offered me unconditional generosity and compassion, it was a welcome distraction from rhys and the way he fawned over cresseida. i had to shut him out, or instead risk becoming sick with resentment for them both. if my performance was enough to get under his skin, then i had played my part too well.
“ and you’re jealous? ” i scoffed incredulously, bewilderment overwhelming me as i soaked in the realization — the accusation absurd as i considered it aloud, though it explicitly mirrored the envy and bitter desire that plagued my own healing heart. the ease in which he confessed was damning, as he laid his truth out bare for me. i had been foolish enough to fall for the mask he had regretfully adorned and petty enough to throw it back in his face — his entertaining of cresseida merely some means to an end in his grand scheme of things. some part of me wondered if that’s all i was too in the end, but this divulgence conveyed another story entirely. one i was eager to stoke despite a paralyzing fear of playing with fire. “ when all of this was your idea. you told me to do whatever it takes. ”
My best friend and I were asked if we were a couple. We are not. But it is now a running joke that we are wives who were engaged to spread communism.