C!phil Critical - Tumblr Posts
Reblogging cause important!
Apparently, Phil's character moment in Tommy's most recent streams was written or at least is CC!Tommy's idea. I'm saying this cause of the post I saw here about CC!Phil not writing this well, and some Twitter stuff of folks being legitimately harsh on him as a writer, which is... Unfair considering he didn't even wrote it :/
I dunno, it's good to be C!Phil critical but sometimes people are just mean.
Mm yeah, some people go a bit overboard
hello here’s another post about why c!phil sucks, but from a different perspective this time.
/dsmp /rp, all names refer to characters not content creators. tw for talk of suicide, self-harm and intrusive thoughts.
When Tommy opened up about his hesitation to sacrifice his discs for Tubbo, Phil immediately got pissed, yelled at him, burned the Rapple to teach him a lesson about materialism, and then made him do some exercise involving breaking a piece of stone over and over.
As someone with intrusive thoughts, I can say that that was about the worst thing he could’ve possibly done.
The thing about that hesitation is that Tommy knows he shouldn’t have hesitated. He’s aware that that was bad, and opened up to Phil about it because he felt guilty.
And that’s not uncommon, in fact, it’s expected. Intrusive thoughts are often horrific, and can cause extreme emotional responses like fear, anger and guilt, especially when they’re directed at other people.. This, paradoxically, will make the thoughts worse.
In my own experience, when I was a teenager I started getting strong thoughts of suicide. I wasn’t depressed, and I didn’t want to die, but oftentimes, I couldn’t think of anything other than ways to kill myself. I came home crying one day because I was so scared of my own thoughts, and I had a long talk with my dad about them, which honestly helped a ton, because my dad and I have a very good relationship and he never judged me for thinking about that kind of thing.
The thoughts didn’t go away. They still haven’t gone away. I don’t have them every day anymore, but that’s because I’ve learned to detach myself from them, avoid things that trigger them (i.e. staying away from ledges, not keeping scissors on my desk), and learned to reassure myself when I do get them. The urge is there, but I know I’d never act on it.
Having thoughts involving bringing harm to other people is something I’m not personally too familiar with, but I’ve seen others with those thoughts, and it’s even more emotionally taxing. Because adding to that fear is now a heaping of guilt, because now it feels like it’s not just your own welbeing that’s in jeopardy, but someone else’s too. Goes double if it’s a child, or someone you’re close to.
Point being, intrusive thoughts are difficult, and what someone who has them desperately needs is someone to reassure them that it’s okay. That their thoughts aren’t what make them who they are, and that their actions matter infinitely more.
What you DON’T do is yell at them. You do NOT validate that guilt and shame, you DON’T make them feel like their intrusive thoughts make them a danger or a bad person, and you sure as FUCK don’t destroy a keepsake of their dead friend to teach them a lesson.
Tommy already knows the idea of sacrificing Tubbo for the disc was terrible. Even if it wasn’t an intrusive thought in the literal sense, it was still a thought he never would’ve acted on. In fact, he even asked Tubbo what to do, and then ignored him and gave Dream the disc anyway after Tubbo said to take the disc and run. Scolding him and punishing him for thinking about it is useless, because he’s already learned the lesson Phil was trying to teach. Like, he KNOWS he shouldn’t prioritize his discs over his friends, he’s LEARNED that, you don’t need to destroy his things to hammer that in!!
The first thing people with intrusive thoughts need is compassion and understanding. They need to know that their thoughts don’t make them monsters, that it’s not who they are, and that their actions are what really matters. They do NOT need to be told that they’re awful people for thinking awful things, because we’re not always in control of our own thoughts.
It’s also pretty fuckign rich that Philza “I nuked L’Manburg because my friend asked me to and also the government sucks” Minecraft is having a go at Tommy for not valuing Tubbo’s life l m a o
would you mind elaborating a bit more on the c!phil and c!techno post? not saying you’re wrong in the least, it’s just an interesting opinion I haven’t seen before! I was curious about the reasons?
*waddles in* okay im finally back from class and have a real keyboard to use for this yeehaw
to keep my feelings brief cuz im aware im biased- inniter both proud and shameful ✊😔- there's a trend i've noticed about certain types of content recently that has some symmetry to what was going on at the beginning of the year. but unlike those few months ago, most people seem to be reacting positively to today's stuff
the bedrock bros arc in particular had a lot of discourse surrounding it, especially after the mutual betrayal. many c!tommy fans would rightfully point out how it was a lil eff'ed up that c!techno kind of sort of lied to c!tommy about his real intentions and was dodgy when c!tommy tried pointing out how that's not what he wanted to do ("we'll smooth out the finer details later" or w/e the quote was)
in response, it felt like a cacophony of people claimed how techno was his own character, that he didn't need to be some random kid's caretaker, to the point that the whole "characters shouldn't be judged by how they treat c!tommy" take was created
nowadays i'm seeing c!rivals duo material come out of the woodwork like a flood. a lot of people want c!dream to join the syndicate, have him heal out in the tundra with c!techno after the piglin breaks him out of pandora's vault and away from his torture
now, there are quite a few reasons why i and many others aren't a fan of this idea, but this post is about how c!techno shouldn't be reduced down to any character's therapist! he has his own plotlines with his own motivations, certainly, those same people will at least point out that c!dream fans want a similar story that c!tommy fans did back in december and january, right?
😐
then there's the man the myth the legend c!philza himself, coining the title schrodinger's father for a good few months. with the canonicity of the sbi family dynamic being somewhat wonky (not deconfirmed however), people split harshly into two categories: those who liked the idea of c!phil still being c!tommy's father, and those who very very very much did not
regardless of people's true opinions on the matter, c!tommy fans (fairly) pointed out that c!phil destroying the kid's home right in front of him was a little messed up. c!phil was canonically aware that c!dream was up to something funky, yet he still went through the idea of teaming up with him to raze l'manberg into the ground, which stung c!tommy enthusiasts a little. who wouldn't be just a smidge butthurt about something like that happening to their fave?
like clockwork, lots of people criticized and even outright bemoaned this train of thought. c!phil isn't even c!tommy's father who cares! he certainly doesn't need to, stop making everything about the kid! y'all just have daddy issues and are projecting tbh 🤪
now back to the prison arc, we yet again return to the potential plot of syndicate!dream, where he'll be best buddies with c!emerald duo and c!niki will spoonfeed him while he recovers (yes this is a /srs headcanon i saw) and c!ranboo will just have to "get over" his fear of c!dream to see they're actually best buds (another /srs comment someone made yes that is word-for-word what it said)
essentially, someone in discord shared a tweet that was basically talking about the idea of c!techno shoving c!dream into c!phil's lap saying "here, be a father whether you like it or not" and, well, i got somewhat peeved if that untagged post i made is anything to go by
it's starting to feel more and more like people didn't actually care that others were writing c!techno and c!phil in caretaker roles, they only cared that c!tommy was the one being taken care of. because c!tommy is apparently the literal spawn of satan and is the worst thing to happen to the dsmp and is super annoying and blah blah
but instead of, idk, admitting that c!tommy just wasn't their fave and moving on from content they didn't like, they needed to create these excuses about how it was actually super awful that these fans were doing things like this, that you should feel bad if you support this kind of content because you are ruining these characters and everything they stand for
nevermind that this kind of stuff has been a normal occurrence in fandoms since fandoms have been a definable thing, that while yes it gets annoying how certain characters are favored above all others literally all you're achieving by tearing down someone else's work is that same person either A.) making more of that stuff out of spite or B.) potentially quit making stuff for the fandom altogether
it's just... it sucks, that it feels like you can't want anything nice for c!tommy without it getting called "ooc" or being accused that you only watch his POV and make everything about him. maybe i'm sensitive, maybe im extrapolating, but i wouldn't be the only one who is, considering i've seen multiple others voice similar feelings regarding this situation
so there we have it i guess. my brief words that ended up not being brief at all (so sorry dear anon, i really did try to keep this down to one page at most :headinhands:) and i hope they make at least some partial sense, now i gotta go read even more random shit for my hw fsndkfjndf save me /lh
you ever notice how it’s Always Always “people over things” when characters don’t understand tommy or the discs or l’manberg, but it’s never “people over revenge.” it’s never “people over ideology.”
doomsday was not choosing people. you can frame it as a “lesson” all you want but at the end of the day it was only hurtful. nobody Learned a lesson because philza minecraft doesn’t know how to use his words. “the only universal language is violence” is bullshit because pain doesn’t tell you anything.
doomsday traumatized people, it Killed people, it took homes, it took hope, it took a community that was never given back.
why didn’t you teach from example phil? why didn’t you choose people?
phil insisting that tubbo was being selfish for exiling tommy when tubbo made that choice to protect everyone else in l’manberg (Including Phil) 🤝phil getting angry at tommy for “hesitating” when tommy and tubbo were going on a suicide mission to get the discs back from dream because dream presented the discs as his power over the entire server, meaning tommy was panicked because he thought he needed them to save the rest of the server from dream (Including Phil)
Sometimes you sit there with all the pieces and don't realize until you connect point A to point B
Because of wilbur's letters, by doomsday Phil didn't know that schlatt came into power, he thought wilbur had won the revolution and given it to tubbo. He didn't know what pogtopia was really for, he didn't know that wilbur and tommy had been exiled, he didn't know that tubbo was a spy, he didn't know that techno had killed him, he didn't know that schlatt abused everyone until they left.
He saw the state his son was in, he saw the paranoia seeping into the l'manberg cabinet, he saw tommy get exiled and the butcher army try and fail, and he assumed it was Government turning good people bad.
And it must have felt relieving at the time, to have an easy answer. To be able to say that he regret killing his son but that he'd done the right thing. It was government that'd made wilbur unsalvageable in his eyes and it was government that was ruining the people of l'manberg. If he just took the kids' toys away he could fix everything.
Meanwhile he was questioning Nothing. Paying no mind to the ramblings of a ghost or the library in his house, paying no mind to the people around him. He was supposed to be the cabinet's advisor and yet he didn't know dream had boxed them in and threatened them to exile tommy. He'd reconnected with fundy and yet had no idea about his life as a spy (a spy's diary sat untouched in his house). An ignorance that could've only come from refusing to ask.
And then wilbur's revival came and phil learned that he'd been wrong. The letters written to him were wrong. The assumptions he'd based his actions and justifications on were wrong. The lesson he'd tried to teach on doomsday was wrong.
I imagine that would be difficult to process for someone who already couldn't handle his guilt over his son's death. It meant that something had happened and he hadn't been there. It meant that the people of l'manberg had been through something that had effected their actions in a way he hadn't seen. He had potentially done more damage than good by trying to teach the wrong lesson the wrong way hand hurt people in the proce-
Wait.
Wait no. Phil just swapped out "government made l'manberg bad" with "items made l'manberg bad" and didn't ask any questions or examine his actions in any way For Months.
And not only did he jump from one justification to another without self reflecting or second guessing, he's pretending that he'd taught the same lesson all along.
To ghostbur on doomsday it was teaching them not to make governments. But a year later tommy was supposed to have learned a lesson about valuing people over items.
It must be really convenient to never be wrong
the most ridiculous way that people try to justify phil’s lesson for tommy is framing it like this is the Only Way That Tommy Is Going To Get Better. not because it’s actively hostile to Anyone’s mental health (which it is), and not because it’s actively hostile to the abuse that tommy specifically went through (which it is), but because from a purely practical level we Already Know that it’s just dead wrong.
no matter what your beliefs on mental health and growth are, “value people not things <3″ doesn’t do jack or shit when the mass murderer and abuser that just broke out of prison Fully And Completely has no qualms against using attachment to People against him.
at the disc war finale dream used the gambit with the fake discs (making tommy choose between them and tubbo) so he could find out which tommy would choose and use that attachment against him. tommy chose tubbo and so dream Almost Killed Tubbo. the attachments vault that dream made to control everyone on the server Included A Cage For Skeppy, because to dream People Are Exactly The Same As Items. what matters is the attachment to exploit.
and this is something that’s always been present. he specifically sought out a deal with eret instead of just blowing up l’manberg by himself because he wanted to use their attachment to eret against them. it hurt more because they’d trusted and cared about eret. and he’d tried to do the exact same thing with jack when he’d first joined the server, bribing jack to betray them after he’d been let into l’manberg (which he didn’t).
exile was nothing But using people’s attachments to each other against them, Especially for tommy. using isolation to hurt him, convincing him that the people he’d genuinely loved and cared about Didn’t love him and were better off without him, forcing tommy to grow attached to Him and using his friendship and kindness as a carrot on a stick to control tommy’s behavior and get his way, Etc.
likewise, he was using l’manberg’s attachment to Tommy as a way to control and hurt them. tubbo tolerated dream in part because dream was his lifeline to tommy, even though dream was actively lying to him about tommy. forcing tommy away made them unstable and antsy, which in turn lead them to making poor choices that made them more vulnerable when dream was ready to destroy them.
and who could forget “couldn’t you have just burned the discs? couldn’t you have just done it to me?” “oh this is much more fun.” dream’s involvement in doomsday was for his own fun. he knew technoblade was going to destroy it on his own anyways, he’d been specifically feeding into both sides of the conflict specifically Because he wanted that to happen. but tommy was going to be there, and watching his friends and home all burn and get hurt would be more painful for him than him experiencing those things himself. and isn’t that just so Fun.
we know the disc war finale, we know the attachments museum. but it’s also worth noting that when tommy was going to kill him dream First tried to use tommy’s attachment to him to stop him. and when that didn’t work he used tommy’s attachment to Wilbur.
and this behavior hasn’t stopped in the slightest since his imprisonment. trying to dig for techno’s attachments while they were in prison together, using sam’s attachment to tommy to try to convince sam to keep him alive, asking sapnap whose with him in kinoko kingdom and where it is while they were in a stand down. etc etc etc
tommy giving up his attachments, or picking and choosing his attachments wisely, or being ready to give up anything his has at a moments notice for the sake of things that are “more important” will not help keep him safe from dream and will not protect his friends from dream. it will make his friends the easier target when dream wants to find a way to hurt and control him. which phil Would Know if he paid attention to what happens on the server.
A Dismantling of c!Phil's "Advice" to c!Tommy (And Why It's Worse Than You Think)
Since Tommyinnit's last lore stream, I've seen a lot of discussion surrounding the (admittedly) short segment at the start between c!Phil and c!Tommy. The general consensus seems to be that the advice was... questionable, at best.
And while this is true for the most part, there are a few specific moments that are deeply concerning in their implications; especially for someone like c!Tommy to internalize.
I'll be explaining why, starting with the more minor, less destructive aspects of their interaction first before moving on.
(Note: All names mentioned will refer to the characters unless stated otherwise. I'll also be approaching this with a level of care for Phil's character. It's completely understandable why he believes certain things he does and I will be highlighting this later on in the post.)
Scolding and Judgement
Philza's first response to disagreement, "unfavorable" perspectives, or mistakes is usually to lecture the individual. It's a big part of his characterization. Chastising individuals for their actions can be reasonable, especially if he is also somewhat responsible for them (ie. the person scolded is his son, housemate, or subordinate.)
However, what is less reasonable is scolding someone for what they think, and not the actions they take.
This becomes especially troubling when the thoughts that Phil demeans come from an individual looking for reassurance. That's not to say that one isn't allowed to be criticized for their thoughts, but Tommy's specific scenario isn't regarding a flawed personal ideology or set of morals.
Tommy went to Phil and confided in him. He confessed to something he thought (and never acted on) and explained that he felt guilty for it; that he thought he was a bad friend. Not even for doing something wrong, but for hesitating, when made to act in an extremely stressful situation.
It's also important to note that Tommy is an unreliable narrator in this scene. The hesitation he mentions during the Final Disc Confrontation was caused by Tubbo explicitly telling Tommy to take the discs and run, something which Tommy considered briefly and almost immediately went against. Phil doesn't know this, thus, his perspective is skewed against Tommy, only working off his word.
Even still, Phil knows that Tommy was made to choose between the discs and Tubbo under a threat of death. This hesitation is extremely natural, but instead of showing compassion for why Tommy would react as he did, he immediately jumped to scolding him and insinuating that he was indeed a bad friend to Tubbo, just for expressing a single thought; a hesitation that he never acted on.
When an individual comes to someone with thoughts they've had that bring them shame or guilt, what they need is reassurance. They need to be told that it will always be their actions that define who they are, not what they consider and turn away from. They need to be told they were correct for making the right choice, especially if these thoughts were tempting or hard to refuse.
Tommy doesn't need to be told that these thoughts are wrong and that choosing the discs over Tubbo is bad. He knows this. That's why he feels guilty.
This guilt should never be validated, especially when it's not constructive or helpful. It's something Tommy's already aware of and has already fought against.
Thoughts are suggestions, not cementations of moral character. And many struggle with thoughts they cannot control or influence. They should never be made to feel guilty for the ideas that appear, which they refuse to entertain.
Repeated Lessons
After Phil learns of Tommy's hesitation, he insists that Tommy needs to learn his lesson; that the individual will always come before material possessions. Mind you, this entire lesson is based on a single moment of hesitation, after which Tommy put Tubbo first in the end.
This is not something Tommy needs to learn. He's already shown that he will always put individuals before possessions.
In fact, this is all Tommy has ever done. It was a big component to his first arc, as far back as early Season One, where he gave up his discs for L'Manburg's freedom. (Whoops, my hand slipped. Anyway, here's an entire compilation of Tommy giving up the things he cares about for the people he loves.)
Unfortunately, Tommy is an unreliable narrator yet again, as he insists he needs to finally learn to "not care as much about possessions." This guilt at keeping his possessions goes a bit deeper than just his relationship with Tubbo. He's been told repeatedly since the start of Season Two that he's selfish for loving things and wanting to keep them.
Finding a way to detach himself from his material items is also a strategy to keep Dream from using his attachments against him again. Now that he's been freed from prison, this fear is at an all-time high. He knows it's only a matter of time before the things he's been free to love are taken away. He's trying to find a way to keep himself safe, emotionally speaking.
Now, it's not exactly Phil's fault for not noticing this. He doesn't know the extent of exile and he doesn't know what Tommy's motives are for seeking this detachment. However, what is an issue is assuming that Tommy doesn't understand or that he still hasn't learned (even though he knows Tommy gave up his discs for Tubbo.)
Tommy also went into this conversation clearly expressing an understanding of the lesson before Phil even tries to teach it to him. It's frustrating not only from Tommy's perspective but from an audience perspective in turn. We as an audience know that Tommy has learned this lesson again and again and again, repeatedly.
We know he understands it and we as the audience understand the message just as much, if not more. So when Tommy is talked down to, we are talked down to as well.
That's not even mentioning Phil's repeated problem with "teaching" someone something and then, when asked about it, he almost outright refuses to say what that message is and how what he did reinforces that. With L'Manburg, he tells Ghostbur he'll "understand someday." With his lesson to Tommy at the furnace, he only says, "It'll come to you eventually."
Lecturing becomes hollow if the lecturer refuses to be understood and uses his teaching as an excuse to exert punishment, rather than to be constructive.
"Putting Up"
When Phil suggests taking down the walls he helped set up, Tommy explains that they keep him safe, remind him of L'Manburg, and bring him comfort.
To which Phil curtly replies and tells Tommy he was just pretending to go along with it and help because he thought it would make him happy. That he really thought the walls were useless and wouldn't do shit to stop Dream. That he was just "putting up with it" for Tommy. On the surface, this seems well-intentioned.
Phil did something to make Tommy happy and put his own thoughts to the side for him. However, by telling Tommy his true thoughts and revealing he was "putting up" with the situation, it has the opposite effect. This reveals to Tommy that Phil will actively lie to him to spare his feelings and isn't being his genuine self around him.
It tells Tommy that he doesn't value him enough to be truthful with him and can make him hesitant to speak with Phil about anything. He'll be stuck wondering what Phil really thinks about any situation, any thought, any plan. It also treats him as if he's not capable of handling rejection, disagreement, or negative feedback.
Not only that, but by telling Tommy what he originally thought anyway, he still revealed the very thing he expected to hurt Tommy. Of course, Phil had good intentions, but it's important to remember that just because someone claims to have done something out of goodness or to protect someone else, doesn't negate their hurtful words or actions.
Projective Presumption and Toxic Positivity
Tommy tells Phil that he misses L'Manburg. It's an off-hand comment he makes as he's doing the stone task Phil laid out for him. Phil then cuts in and says, "You know what you really miss about L'Manburg?" He then explains what he thinks Tommy is actually feeling and thinking, but frames it as if it's an obvious reality, not one based on his own flawed presumptions.
This practice is generally damaging, as it not only shuts Tommy out of the discussion of his own thoughts and feelings but leaves it up to Phil to explain to Tommy something about himself that may not even be true. It also assumes that Tommy isn't competent or self-aware enough to come to his own conclusions about his internal self. It also robs Tommy the opportunity to come to these conclusions himself, as Phil could've just asked Tommy what it was about L'Manburg that he missed.
It's important to mention that this too is also done out of good intentions. Phil is trying to make a connection with Tommy and figure out how he feels. It just isn't the greatest way to go about it.
Another damaging practice Phil employs is toxic positivity. However, this issue is more rooted in a flawed personal mindset, rather than a communication fault. He recommends Tommy take down his walls, take off his armor, and stop worrying so much; to focus more on bettering himself and growing as a person. He also says he knows Tommy is strong and more than capable of handling Dream in a fight.
This, unfortunately, is some of the worst advice Tommy could receive. Dream is dangerous and hyper-competent. Not only that, but he is currently hunting Tommy down in order to hurt him. He's actively trying to make Tommy think he's losing his mind.
Ignoring that the ability to grow or feel safe in this environment is impossible, Tommy following this advice not only endangers himself but it works to actively brush Tommy's concerns out the door. It's also worth mentioning that Phil most likely perceives Dream as a non-threat due to a lack of knowledge about exile, as well as not knowing about Punz's armor gift. He also comments about how he'd be able to take on Dream in a fight.
Even with this unknowing underestimation, Phil unintentionally sets Tommy up for failure. We as the audience know that Tommy is not capable of physically standing up to Dream. We know that if Tommy ever heeds this advice, he will try to fight Dream and lose.
It also, unfortunately, frames all of Tommy's previous failures to his abuser as Tommy simply... not being strong enough to withstand it.
At the end of the day, this advice is still non-constructive, disregarding its emotional and physical repercussions. Tommy is still in active danger, regardless of what he chooses to do. It doesn't matter what others recommend doing, Tommy is in a truly powerless situation that he has no way of changing.
The only thing he can do now is stick close to people he trusts and do everything he can to protect himself. Removing his walls and putting his guard down is the last thing he should be doing. Then there's the book Phil gave Tommy, in the hopes it would lift his spirits.
Its contents, while well-written and well-intentioned, are the hollow equivalent to a tacky 'Live, Laugh, Love' shelf accessory. Tommy appreciates it, of course, because the message is nice and Tommy desperately needs affirmation. However, it, like the above advice, is not constructive.
Offering positivity or recommending positive thinking, while stemming from goodness, often have the complete opposite effect on those who are struggling. It can lead the individual to feel guilty or confused about their negative emotions. It creates a disconnect between them and the people they're seeking comfort or validation from.
It can cause the individual to feel shameful when they fail to keep in line with positive thinking. It also encourages denial, stuffing, or bottling up emotions in favor of forcing positive thinking. Negative emotions need to be felt and worked through before actual positivity can be achieved.
Pushing them aside doesn't diminish or remove them; it hides them.
Minimization and Familiar Destruction
There's something very concerning about the ease it takes for Phil to destroy something of Tommy's. From his perspective, it makes sense. Phil has lived an immortal's life, watching civilizations and structures rise and fall throughout history.
The existence of something so meager is insignificant to him. He's trying to get Tommy to see the lesson he's teaching from his perspective and feel its insignificance with him. Unfortunately, Phil refuses to see how and why this hurts Tommy.
The item was given to Phil with confidence because Tommy felt safe enough to hand over something valuable. A safety that is instantly crushed once Phil destroys it. This destruction is almost entirely framed as a punishment (for Tommy's hesitation) and is used as an example for the coming lesson.
Destruction of property as punishments or 'teaching' examples is one of the most prominent and long-enduring patterns of abuse Tommy has experienced, especially during the Exile Arc. It was used as a method to control him, so seeing such a clear mirror of this behavior in Phil deeply affects him.
Regardless of Phil knowing nothing of exile, it is still a terrible thing to destroy the property of another person (even if the individual has no trauma associated with the destruction of property.) Especially something as significant as a gift from a deceased friend. Something that is also extremely useful, which could've been used to save his life.
Although to be fair to Phil again, he didn't know the significance of it. (But even if he did, I doubt it would change his willingness to destroy it. He did say it was "just an item" after all.)
After Philza destroys the object and Tommy understandably gets upset, he mocks him, "Oh no. You're okay. It's an item." He later also says, "Do you even care that the apple's gone now? . . . Do you even care? It's gone. Who cares. It's gone."
This tactic is called Minimization. As the name implies, the person using this will attempt to minimize their actions or another person's concerns in order to absolve themselves of responsibility or discomfort. Another popular example is telling someone, "Other people have it worse" when they bring up something they struggle with.
It's a worthless sentiment, usually derived when an individual either doesn't see the situation as important or doesn't want to deal with the fallout of a person's emotional response. It makes the person targeted with these responses feel like their issues are unimportant, their emotions are a burden to other people, or as if they're overreacting. None of these are true.
The best way to combat something like this is to either write down or state exactly what happened in the situation and exactly what's significant about it. The person minimizing doesn't need to know any of these details. Do not confront them; they are likely to minimize again.
The individual affected just needs to hold onto the reality they're experiencing or tell someone they trust. Sometimes it's extremely sobering to have your experiences or feelings corroborated by someone who refuses to distort reality.
The Attachment-Cutting Technique
(This specific moment was so shocking to me that it became the entire reason I wrote this essay. It is the most concerning aspect of Phil's advice and I needed to explain publicly why this bothers me so much.)
In order to 'help' Tommy overcome his attachment problem, Phil sets up an exercise where Tommy would break a slab of stone, turn it into cobblestone, heat it in a furnace until it returns to its base state, then repeat this process. Over and over and over, until it "becomes clear to him."
Whether intentional or not, Phil employs the same tactic Dream used in exile against Tommy, just on a much smaller scale and with a slightly different motive.
The technique is called Attachment-Cutting; where a third party makes an individual do a repeated task (either emotionally or laboriously taxing), in order to destroy that progress at the end of each session and repeat the task over again, without end. Its purpose is to force the target into a state of perpetual exhaustion. It removes emotional value from personal possessions and causes the individual to gradually view their efforts and creations as fundamentally worthless.
It destroys the person's individuality and robs them of a motivation to express themselves through their work. It's meant to make the affected individual reliant on the third party to tell them how and when to express themselves; to tell them where they should use their efforts (usually this third party's motive is to use these efforts selfishly, for their own causes.) It's a control tactic at its most basic level.
Dream wasn't forcing Tommy to create new tools, armor, and other important items just to destroy them (and force him to do it all again) for no reason. Its purpose was calculated, following the Attachment-Cutting abuse technique to a T.
Phil, on the other hand, isn't doing this maliciously, and certainly not at the same level Dream was. Tommy isn't being forced to do this. He can stop at any time. It was merely a suggestion after Tommy asked to become detached.
The actual issue with this is that Phil is unintentionally suggesting Tommy take up a self-destructive practice in order to learn his "lesson." (This lesson being... correcting Tommy's attachment to possessions because he hesitated. Which unfortunately insinuates that Phil... doesn't want him to hesitate. Even though an expectation like that isn't human. People hesitate, even when they've already made up their minds.)
Tommy is unknowingly echoing a practice his abuser forced him to do every single day in exile, with Phil's help. Needless to say, this tactic is not helpful and it certainly isn't healthy. I've seen it mentioned a few times before that Tommy needs to let go of his attachments in order to heal (as Phil was also suggesting.)
This is extremely wrong on many, many levels. It is in human nature to grow emotionally attached to physical possessions (especially if it's something you made. Even more so if it's creative or expressive.) Tommy is a naturally emotional and caring person.
His love for people, pets, items, and places is so deeply ingrained in his person that it is nothing short of cruel to expect him to uproot this part of himself. He is not selfish for wanting to keep something he made, something he earned, or something he's grown to love. This becomes even more important when you consider his position as a victim of abuse.
Keeping material items and possessions that make you happy is not only a completely harmless coping mechanism, it is also essential for healing. Victims of abuse who tend to have their possessions targeted with destruction will never heal from this specific trauma if they refuse to keep the things they care for.
In fact, forcing themselves to remove care for attachments is an example of an unhealthy coping mechanism (which Phil is unfortunately enabling in Tommy.) When an individual becomes a victim of abuse, it's common to find themselves bending to the will of their abuser. They will be forced to hide or give away the items they treasure because their abuser doesn't like them.
They will be unable to express themselves with the way they dress, the way they decorate their house, the way they create art. All of it will be disassembled or re-shaped to fit the whims of their abuser. It is essential, that after leaving this harmful environment, they reclaim this mode of expression.
That they dress how they want to, decorate how they want to, express themselves how they want to. They heal when they can reflect their inner-self outwardly; where the fear of having their expression destroyed becomes a distant memory.
Where the only person considered selfish is not the one who holds onto what they love, but the one who seeks to destroy it.
A Dismantling of c!Phil's "Advice" to c!Tommy (And Why It's Worse Than You Think)
Since Tommyinnit's last lore stream, I've seen a lot of discussion surrounding the (admittedly) short segment at the start between c!Phil and c!Tommy. The general consensus seems to be that the advice was... questionable, at best.
And while this is true for the most part, there are a few specific moments that are deeply concerning in their implications; especially for someone like c!Tommy to internalize.
I'll be explaining why, starting with the more minor, less destructive aspects of their interaction first before moving on.
(Note: All names mentioned will refer to the characters unless stated otherwise. I'll also be approaching this with a level of care for Phil's character. It's completely understandable why he believes certain things he does and I will be highlighting this later on in the post.)
Scolding and Judgement
Philza's first response to disagreement, "unfavorable" perspectives, or mistakes is usually to lecture the individual. It's a big part of his characterization. Chastising individuals for their actions can be reasonable, especially if he is also somewhat responsible for them (ie. the person scolded is his son, housemate, or subordinate.)
However, what is less reasonable is scolding someone for what they think, and not the actions they take.
This becomes especially troubling when the thoughts that Phil demeans come from an individual looking for reassurance. That's not to say that one isn't allowed to be criticized for their thoughts, but Tommy's specific scenario isn't regarding a flawed personal ideology or set of morals.
Tommy went to Phil and confided in him. He confessed to something he thought (and never acted on) and explained that he felt guilty for it; that he thought he was a bad friend. Not even for doing something wrong, but for hesitating, when made to act in an extremely stressful situation.
It's also important to note that Tommy is an unreliable narrator in this scene. The hesitation he mentions during the Final Disc Confrontation was caused by Tubbo explicitly telling Tommy to take the discs and run, something which Tommy considered briefly and almost immediately went against. Phil doesn't know this, thus, his perspective is skewed against Tommy, only working off his word.
Even still, Phil knows that Tommy was made to choose between the discs and Tubbo under a threat of death. This hesitation is extremely natural, but instead of showing compassion for why Tommy would react as he did, he immediately jumped to scolding him and insinuating that he was indeed a bad friend to Tubbo, just for expressing a single thought; a hesitation that he never acted on.
When an individual comes to someone with thoughts they've had that bring them shame or guilt, what they need is reassurance. They need to be told that it will always be their actions that define who they are, not what they consider and turn away from. They need to be told they were correct for making the right choice, especially if these thoughts were tempting or hard to refuse.
Tommy doesn't need to be told that these thoughts are wrong and that choosing the discs over Tubbo is bad. He knows this. That's why he feels guilty.
This guilt should never be validated, especially when it's not constructive or helpful. It's something Tommy's already aware of and has already fought against.
Thoughts are suggestions, not cementations of moral character. And many struggle with thoughts they cannot control or influence. They should never be made to feel guilty for the ideas that appear, which they refuse to entertain.
Repeated Lessons
After Phil learns of Tommy's hesitation, he insists that Tommy needs to learn his lesson; that the individual will always come before material possessions. Mind you, this entire lesson is based on a single moment of hesitation, after which Tommy put Tubbo first in the end.
This is not something Tommy needs to learn. He's already shown that he will always put individuals before possessions.
In fact, this is all Tommy has ever done. It was a big component to his first arc, as far back as early Season One, where he gave up his discs for L'Manburg's freedom. (Whoops, my hand slipped. Anyway, here's an entire compilation of Tommy giving up the things he cares about for the people he loves.)
Unfortunately, Tommy is an unreliable narrator yet again, as he insists he needs to finally learn to "not care as much about possessions." This guilt at keeping his possessions goes a bit deeper than just his relationship with Tubbo. He's been told repeatedly since the start of Season Two that he's selfish for loving things and wanting to keep them.
Finding a way to detach himself from his material items is also a strategy to keep Dream from using his attachments against him again. Now that he's been freed from prison, this fear is at an all-time high. He knows it's only a matter of time before the things he's been free to love are taken away. He's trying to find a way to keep himself safe, emotionally speaking.
Now, it's not exactly Phil's fault for not noticing this. He doesn't know the extent of exile and he doesn't know what Tommy's motives are for seeking this detachment. However, what is an issue is assuming that Tommy doesn't understand or that he still hasn't learned (even though he knows Tommy gave up his discs for Tubbo.)
Tommy also went into this conversation clearly expressing an understanding of the lesson before Phil even tries to teach it to him. It's frustrating not only from Tommy's perspective but from an audience perspective in turn. We as an audience know that Tommy has learned this lesson again and again and again, repeatedly.
We know he understands it and we as the audience understand the message just as much, if not more. So when Tommy is talked down to, we are talked down to as well.
That's not even mentioning Phil's repeated problem with "teaching" someone something and then, when asked about it, he almost outright refuses to say what that message is and how what he did reinforces that. With L'Manburg, he tells Ghostbur he'll "understand someday." With his lesson to Tommy at the furnace, he only says, "It'll come to you eventually."
Lecturing becomes hollow if the lecturer refuses to be understood and uses his teaching as an excuse to exert punishment, rather than to be constructive.
"Putting Up"
When Phil suggests taking down the walls he helped set up, Tommy explains that they keep him safe, remind him of L'Manburg, and bring him comfort.
To which Phil curtly replies and tells Tommy he was just pretending to go along with it and help because he thought it would make him happy. That he really thought the walls were useless and wouldn't do shit to stop Dream. That he was just "putting up with it" for Tommy. On the surface, this seems well-intentioned.
Phil did something to make Tommy happy and put his own thoughts to the side for him. However, by telling Tommy his true thoughts and revealing he was "putting up" with the situation, it has the opposite effect. This reveals to Tommy that Phil will actively lie to him to spare his feelings and isn't being his genuine self around him.
It tells Tommy that he doesn't value him enough to be truthful with him and can make him hesitant to speak with Phil about anything. He'll be stuck wondering what Phil really thinks about any situation, any thought, any plan. It also treats him as if he's not capable of handling rejection, disagreement, or negative feedback.
Not only that, but by telling Tommy what he originally thought anyway, he still revealed the very thing he expected to hurt Tommy. Of course, Phil had good intentions, but it's important to remember that just because someone claims to have done something out of goodness or to protect someone else, doesn't negate their hurtful words or actions.
Projective Presumption and Toxic Positivity
Tommy tells Phil that he misses L'Manburg. It's an off-hand comment he makes as he's doing the stone task Phil laid out for him. Phil then cuts in and says, "You know what you really miss about L'Manburg?" He then explains what he thinks Tommy is actually feeling and thinking, but frames it as if it's an obvious reality, not one based on his own flawed presumptions.
This practice is generally damaging, as it not only shuts Tommy out of the discussion of his own thoughts and feelings but leaves it up to Phil to explain to Tommy something about himself that may not even be true. It also assumes that Tommy isn't competent or self-aware enough to come to his own conclusions about his internal self. It also robs Tommy the opportunity to come to these conclusions himself, as Phil could've just asked Tommy what it was about L'Manburg that he missed.
It's important to mention that this too is also done out of good intentions. Phil is trying to make a connection with Tommy and figure out how he feels. It just isn't the greatest way to go about it.
Another damaging practice Phil employs is toxic positivity. However, this issue is more rooted in a flawed personal mindset, rather than a communication fault. He recommends Tommy take down his walls, take off his armor, and stop worrying so much; to focus more on bettering himself and growing as a person. He also says he knows Tommy is strong and more than capable of handling Dream in a fight.
This, unfortunately, is some of the worst advice Tommy could receive. Dream is dangerous and hyper-competent. Not only that, but he is currently hunting Tommy down in order to hurt him. He's actively trying to make Tommy think he's losing his mind.
Ignoring that the ability to grow or feel safe in this environment is impossible, Tommy following this advice not only endangers himself but it works to actively brush Tommy's concerns out the door. It's also worth mentioning that Phil most likely perceives Dream as a non-threat due to a lack of knowledge about exile, as well as not knowing about Punz's armor gift. He also comments about how he'd be able to take on Dream in a fight.
Even with this unknowing underestimation, Phil unintentionally sets Tommy up for failure. We as the audience know that Tommy is not capable of physically standing up to Dream. We know that if Tommy ever heeds this advice, he will try to fight Dream and lose.
It also, unfortunately, frames all of Tommy's previous failures to his abuser as Tommy simply... not being strong enough to withstand it.
At the end of the day, this advice is still non-constructive, disregarding its emotional and physical repercussions. Tommy is still in active danger, regardless of what he chooses to do. It doesn't matter what others recommend doing, Tommy is in a truly powerless situation that he has no way of changing.
The only thing he can do now is stick close to people he trusts and do everything he can to protect himself. Removing his walls and putting his guard down is the last thing he should be doing. Then there's the book Phil gave Tommy, in the hopes it would lift his spirits.
Its contents, while well-written and well-intentioned, are the hollow equivalent to a tacky 'Live, Laugh, Love' shelf accessory. Tommy appreciates it, of course, because the message is nice and Tommy desperately needs affirmation. However, it, like the above advice, is not constructive.
Offering positivity or recommending positive thinking, while stemming from goodness, often have the complete opposite effect on those who are struggling. It can lead the individual to feel guilty or confused about their negative emotions. It creates a disconnect between them and the people they're seeking comfort or validation from.
It can cause the individual to feel shameful when they fail to keep in line with positive thinking. It also encourages denial, stuffing, or bottling up emotions in favor of forcing positive thinking. Negative emotions need to be felt and worked through before actual positivity can be achieved.
Pushing them aside doesn't diminish or remove them; it hides them.
Minimization and Familiar Destruction
There's something very concerning about the ease it takes for Phil to destroy something of Tommy's. From his perspective, it makes sense. Phil has lived an immortal's life, watching civilizations and structures rise and fall throughout history.
The existence of something so meager is insignificant to him. He's trying to get Tommy to see the lesson he's teaching from his perspective and feel its insignificance with him. Unfortunately, Phil refuses to see how and why this hurts Tommy.
The item was given to Phil with confidence because Tommy felt safe enough to hand over something valuable. A safety that is instantly crushed once Phil destroys it. This destruction is almost entirely framed as a punishment (for Tommy's hesitation) and is used as an example for the coming lesson.
Destruction of property as punishments or 'teaching' examples is one of the most prominent and long-enduring patterns of abuse Tommy has experienced, especially during the Exile Arc. It was used as a method to control him, so seeing such a clear mirror of this behavior in Phil deeply affects him.
Regardless of Phil knowing nothing of exile, it is still a terrible thing to destroy the property of another person (even if the individual has no trauma associated with the destruction of property.) Especially something as significant as a gift from a deceased friend. Something that is also extremely useful, which could've been used to save his life.
Although to be fair to Phil again, he didn't know the significance of it. (But even if he did, I doubt it would change his willingness to destroy it. He did say it was "just an item" after all.)
After Philza destroys the object and Tommy understandably gets upset, he mocks him, "Oh no. You're okay. It's an item." He later also says, "Do you even care that the apple's gone now? . . . Do you even care? It's gone. Who cares. It's gone."
This tactic is called Minimization. As the name implies, the person using this will attempt to minimize their actions or another person's concerns in order to absolve themselves of responsibility or discomfort. Another popular example is telling someone, "Other people have it worse" when they bring up something they struggle with.
It's a worthless sentiment, usually derived when an individual either doesn't see the situation as important or doesn't want to deal with the fallout of a person's emotional response. It makes the person targeted with these responses feel like their issues are unimportant, their emotions are a burden to other people, or as if they're overreacting. None of these are true.
The best way to combat something like this is to either write down or state exactly what happened in the situation and exactly what's significant about it. The person minimizing doesn't need to know any of these details. Do not confront them; they are likely to minimize again.
The individual affected just needs to hold onto the reality they're experiencing or tell someone they trust. Sometimes it's extremely sobering to have your experiences or feelings corroborated by someone who refuses to distort reality.
The Attachment-Cutting Technique
(This specific moment was so shocking to me that it became the entire reason I wrote this essay. It is the most concerning aspect of Phil's advice and I needed to explain publicly why this bothers me so much.)
In order to 'help' Tommy overcome his attachment problem, Phil sets up an exercise where Tommy would break a slab of stone, turn it into cobblestone, heat it in a furnace until it returns to its base state, then repeat this process. Over and over and over, until it "becomes clear to him."
Whether intentional or not, Phil employs the same tactic Dream used in exile against Tommy, just on a much smaller scale and with a slightly different motive.
The technique is called Attachment-Cutting; where a third party makes an individual do a repeated task (either emotionally or laboriously taxing), in order to destroy that progress at the end of each session and repeat the task over again, without end. Its purpose is to force the target into a state of perpetual exhaustion. It removes emotional value from personal possessions and causes the individual to gradually view their efforts and creations as fundamentally worthless.
It destroys the person's individuality and robs them of a motivation to express themselves through their work. It's meant to make the affected individual reliant on the third party to tell them how and when to express themselves; to tell them where they should use their efforts (usually this third party's motive is to use these efforts selfishly, for their own causes.) It's a control tactic at its most basic level.
Dream wasn't forcing Tommy to create new tools, armor, and other important items just to destroy them (and force him to do it all again) for no reason. Its purpose was calculated, following the Attachment-Cutting abuse technique to a T.
Phil, on the other hand, isn't doing this maliciously, and certainly not at the same level Dream was. Tommy isn't being forced to do this. He can stop at any time. It was merely a suggestion after Tommy asked to become detached.
The actual issue with this is that Phil is unintentionally suggesting Tommy take up a self-destructive practice in order to learn his "lesson." (This lesson being... correcting Tommy's attachment to possessions because he hesitated. Which unfortunately insinuates that Phil... doesn't want him to hesitate. Even though an expectation like that isn't human. People hesitate, even when they've already made up their minds.)
Tommy is unknowingly echoing a practice his abuser forced him to do every single day in exile, with Phil's help. Needless to say, this tactic is not helpful and it certainly isn't healthy. I've seen it mentioned a few times before that Tommy needs to let go of his attachments in order to heal (as Phil was also suggesting.)
This is extremely wrong on many, many levels. It is in human nature to grow emotionally attached to physical possessions (especially if it's something you made. Even more so if it's creative or expressive.) Tommy is a naturally emotional and caring person.
His love for people, pets, items, and places is so deeply ingrained in his person that it is nothing short of cruel to expect him to uproot this part of himself. He is not selfish for wanting to keep something he made, something he earned, or something he's grown to love. This becomes even more important when you consider his position as a victim of abuse.
Keeping material items and possessions that make you happy is not only a completely harmless coping mechanism, it is also essential for healing. Victims of abuse who tend to have their possessions targeted with destruction will never heal from this specific trauma if they refuse to keep the things they care for.
In fact, forcing themselves to remove care for attachments is an example of an unhealthy coping mechanism (which Phil is unfortunately enabling in Tommy.) When an individual becomes a victim of abuse, it's common to find themselves bending to the will of their abuser. They will be forced to hide or give away the items they treasure because their abuser doesn't like them.
They will be unable to express themselves with the way they dress, the way they decorate their house, the way they create art. All of it will be disassembled or re-shaped to fit the whims of their abuser. It is essential, that after leaving this harmful environment, they reclaim this mode of expression.
That they dress how they want to, decorate how they want to, express themselves how they want to. They heal when they can reflect their inner-self outwardly; where the fear of having their expression destroyed becomes a distant memory.
Where the only person considered selfish is not the one who holds onto what they love, but the one who seeks to destroy it.
no because i’m still thinking of c!tommy telling c!phil, “you have a responsibility to do the right thing.” like, he knows what he’s saying. this is not something disc war c!tommy or even l’manberg c!tommy would say. we saw him grow into this person. this is coming from the person who chose to be a better person during his literal lowest point. in the ruin and wreckage of a place he was falsely accused of destroying, in the shadow of his abuser and best friend who he thought didn’t care about him and all his peers, in a space where most people there didn’t treat him with empathy and he had no reason to think they would. he looked around, heard himself, saw what he was doing, and went, “i’m not doing the right thing here.” he had maybe every reason to give up but didn’t. he fought to stay kind. he will always be my shining star for the community house scene. always.
i think the most frustrating thing about c!phil isn’t that he’s the only character that’s misinformed, but that he - along with c!techno - is the only character that’s misinformed and doesn’t seek out any knowledge, they just presume.
like with c!eryn and c!michael, they don’t know a lot about the server history, they don’t know a lot about the people, they don’t know what c!dream did which leads to them questioning why his punishment is so harsh. and the thing about these two is that they actively seek out people to ask about. they’re still, mostly, in the dark because the people on the server evade the questions or don’t know how to answer.
c!phil, though, thought he knew everything because of c!wilbur’s letters. he was then informed that the letters were fake, and he spent an hour seeking out the truth and then stopped. but he’s giving advice as if he knows everything, as if he is on a moral high ground others can only dream about.
he’s not frustrating as a character because he’s misinformed; he’s frustrating as a character because he knows he’s misinformed and yet he still believes he knows best.