Day One Of Smegtober 2024 - Tumblr Posts

Christ alive this writing! My heart!

Smegtober- Day 1 (Memory)

TW: Arnold Rimmer's Terrible Childhood

Rimmer stood at the railing of the observation deck, his eyes fixated on no particular point of the swell of inky darkness that painted the sky. The letter from his mother wasn't a shock; they're all dead, aren't they? Three million years had passed. Of course they would be. 

The news of his father's death, the letter in her rushed hand, lax and uncaring, reminded him of the way even tender and emotional moments were cut short; she had no time for fools. That's all Arnold was to her, wasn't he? A fool. A rather unfortunate mishap. 

On a good day, he was a stain on his mother's record; at least his brothers bore a resemblance to their father: intelligent, masculine, full of potential. Arnold was far from the standard of the boys that came before him. He was weak. 

Rimmer shuffled uncomfortably, the pressure on his hologramatic feet from the floor of the observation deck not quite right. He wasn't real anymore.

Looking out at the stars, every speckle of light gleaming, their beauty unreachable, untouchable, he knew they were also dead, like him, only they were something to behold. They were wondrous. 

He relished every second he spent with his telescope as a young child, the domes of lo separating him from the vastness of space. Nothing ever changed. He was still the dullest light in a sky full of potential. He would never escape who he was. Nothing. It was something he was unable to forget.

He hated his father, he hated his mother, his brothers; most of all, he hated how he still yearned for their approval and adoration. More than anything, he needed someone to tell him he was worth more than what he could give. 

He longed to devour love if anyone had ever been willing to offer; he clawed and spat, the bitterness dripping from his tongue, sharp and silver, warding off anyone who dared pry into the carcass of his soul. 

Lister prodded; he pried and poked at Rimmer's mind as if he was a sleeping bear, luring him into sharing his secrets with his honey brown eyes and sticky, sweet words that dripped from his lips. As sickly as they were, they made Rimmer feel weak. 

Even now, he was still chasing adoration.