Figuring Things Out - Tumblr Posts

Loveeeee when my feelings align with the stars 💕♋️🌊🌱 respecting my grief and clearing the way, letting her go and thanking her for alllll of my lessons

preparing for my abundance on this glorious Jupiter full moon on this wonderful Jupiter day✨🪞

Just grieving for my past self, wishing I had poured better into me. Thankful for my compassion now. I know it was to make me who I am in this moment 🤞🏾💝

xoxo, SIS <3 =)

The Lovers frequency, it Loves me too

xoxo, SIS <3 =)

It wasn't often that Jet could sneak up on anyone on the Bebop. Between the metal of the vessel and his shit-stomping boots, normally everyone knew when he was approaching. Spike was especially hard to take off guard, which is why Jet was always rather proud - and amused - whenever he managed to startle his original partner.

"What are you watching?!" Jet boomed.

Spike jumped on the couch, twisting around to see Jet standing behind him, eyes fixed on the monitor screen. Color crept up Spike's neck and spilled into his cheeks. Oh ho! He was embarrassed!

But Spike had a method of dealing with embarrassment. Rather than becoming flustered and trying to divert attention elsewhere, he would just own up to whatever he was doing. Or in this case, watching.

Cheeks still pink, Spike turned back to the monitor and lazily waved for Jet to join him on the couch.

"Some rom-com," Spike said without a hint of shame. "Figured maybe I could get some ideas from this shit but... Ehh."

Jet's eyebrows shot up. "Ideas? You trying to be romantic?"

Spike scowled at him and crankily lit himself a cigarette. "It's not like I had a chance to do this kinda shit before. I didn't spend school years mooning over girls and trying to impress them on dates."

"What, you think I did?"

"You had a relationship once, buddy." Spike replied. "Not one you had to hide away and deny. You had a girl you could take out places and give presents to. If you weren't taking advantage of that, well, I could see why she'd tuck and run."

It was Jet's turn to scowl. "Get your shit straight, Spike-o. I was plenty romantic with Alisa. You don't know jack about the way things were with us so keep her name out of your mouth."

They stewed in silence for a bit. The rom-com playing in the background somehow slowly making the tension decrease. Jet knew there was no way Spike's pride would let him say another word on the matter after the way Jet had just bitten his nose off.

He sighed. "Look, this shit's not gonna help you. It's all for the humor and Faye won't get half the jokes. If anything you should be watching some teenager show or one of those will-they-or-won't-they partner shows. Alisa loved those. But I don't think you'll find your answers here." He gave Spike a considering look and lit his own cigarette. "You know the shit Faye likes. Just give her lotto tickets or take her out someplace fancy to show her off to the world."

"That's not really romantic." Spike muttered.

"You don't think she'll find it romantic that you wanna take her out someplace that'll make you broke before the dessert course?"

Spike sighed. "She'd love it but no, that doesn't say romance to me."

Jet shrugged. "You know her better than me, Spike. Why not ask Ed? She's probably got some crazy ideas you could implement."

Both men considered that notion for a moment and then shuddered.

"It's... What if she gets overwhelmed?" Spike was hesitant in voicing this concern and Jet figured he knew why.

Faye was reliable until things got good. She'd get spooked by complacency and bolt, even though she had nowhere to go and no one outside the Bebop to rely on. Neither man quite understood. She'd slink back unannounced or hail them when she wound up out of gas and out of food and adrift somewhere. She seemed to hate needing their help but she also reached out as soon as she was in need.

"She's got some...trust issues, I suppose. But, maybe that's where you can start with her. If she gets twitchy when you give her flowers, just remind her that her presence makes you happy and say something about hoping she won't go anywhere." Jet puffed thoughtfully on his cigarette while Spike crushed his butt into the ashtray on the table. "Or if she does cut and run... Don't give her shit about it when she comes back. Treat her like a feral cat - give her space to flee, offer her some treats to tempt her into staying, and be welcoming - don't hold a grudge against her if she leaves."

Spike let his head drop back into the couch. "A fucking feral cat?"

Laughing, Jet shrugged. "Hey I've seen the claw marks when you're working out. I don't think I'm too off base with that comparison."

"All right. Be sweet to her. Don't be sour even if she drags my heart around. Got it."

Jet stared at the monitor for a few minutes without really seeing the antics of the characters on the screen. Memories of Alisa danced in his mind.

"You can be the most romantic fool in the world, but if you don't give her room to be comfortable, she'll never be happy. Faye doesn't do well with emotional pressure. Just keep it light and I think you'll be fine. And... You know she wouldn't hurt you on purpose. But say she does. Hell, at some point it's inevitable that you'll hurt each other. You'll make each other mad or sad or both. Still, Spike ...some gals are worth a little pain. Faye's a freaking handful and I don't envy you figuring out her neuroses one bit, but if she makes you happy..."

"She makes me feel every emotion. Sometimes all at once." Spike looked distracted, a small smile played at his lips. "I thought I knew what it was to be alive but every day she shows me more and more."

Both men jumped when Faye abruptly launched over the back of the couch and plopped herself down onto the cushion between them. She had a smug look on her face.

"Fuck! Can't either of you make noise when you move?" Spike whined.

"How long were you lurking behind us?" Jet asked worriedly.

Faye took his cigarette, nearly spent and not worth fighting over, and smirked at him. "I'm a fucking handful, Jet? Like either of you can talk! Who gets all bent out of shape when I put the dishes away wrong? Who gets upset if I don't hang the towels in the proper order on the line outside? Who gets pissy if I change the station from blues because it's driving me to tears?!"

"There's a system to the laundry and if you don't put the dishes away right there isn't space for it all! We have limited cupboard capacity!"

Faye rolled her eyes, stubbed out the cigarette, and turned to Spike who had been quiet since his initial outburst after she startled them. She placed a hand familiarly on his leg, above his knee, and squeezed. To Jet's surprise, Spike jumped again. Wait ...was he ticklish?!

"C'mon, cowboy. I wanna show you more about living... really make you feel alive... Let's leave Jet to his rom-com guilty pleasures." She murmured enticingly.

"Hey!" Jet shouted as they got up from the couch. "I wasn't! This isn't my type of show!"

Faye, following Spike, grinned over her shoulder at him. "Yeah yeah yeah," She agreed, glancing back briefly at Spike who didn't notice because he was still walking away. "There's a good noir movie on 183. It's got your favorite actor as the honorable private eye. Bet it's barely twenty minutes in. You can probably catch the scene at the opium den still!" With a wink, she scurried away after Spike, immediately running her hands up his sides once she caught up.

Shaking his head at his oddball partners, Jet found the remote and flipped through to find the movie Faye had recommended. Mournful music played as a solitary figure in a sodden trenchcoat made his way down a dark alley. Ahh yes. This was much more to his liking. Faye was a lot of things but in some ways she sure did have their number.

He chuckled to himself. Spike's fears weren't unfounded but Jet had a feeling that Faye was gonna surprise him in the long run. Good for them both, honestly. Spike had a giving heart that he'd tried to bury for years, so it was healthy that he wanted to express his feelings now. And Faye had been let down or taken advantage of enough to be bitter and distrustful, but she was willing to put her heart on the line and Jet knew Spike wasn't about to play with that delicate organ.

Maybe one day he himself would find someone to love, to protect, to trust with his fears and his hopes and the painful pieces of his past. It wasn't a pressing concern. He planned to live a long, full life and there was plenty of time left to meet a little honey he could sweep off her feet and who'd make him feel alive.

All good things in time, after all. Or was it all things in good time?

Whatever.

Good things were worth the wait.

the urge to restart my wardrobe and finally commit to a style is getting stronger and stronger.

Ive changed since sorta figuring out my gender a lot of it just doesn't "fit" me any more style wise.