Food Issues - Tumblr Posts

Limited Food

CW: COVID-19, medical issues, mild mention of blood

What has probably been hardest on me in the last.. however long this has been, has been my dietary restrictions and not being able to abide by them. My main Dr. hasn't been able to pinpoint why I’m in so my pain in my abdomen, or why I sometimes pass blood. I have a gastroenterology appointment in June, but who knows if that will still happen. In the mean time, I’m avoiding anything that makes it worse.This includes, but is not limited to: meat, lactose, sugars, salts, and oils/grease. Being low income, no access to regularly available food banks, and limited cold storage, major depression after a family members death, and major body pain flares, I’ve mostly been living off school snack type food like granola bars. Which have not been kind to my system. I supplement with meal replacement when soy milk is available. I feel awful.  I really wish more help options were easily accessible 

I see posts like this and I remember how lucky I am to live in a mostly ND family and have ND friends. Most dinners my mom makes have elements of rice or noodles that I can eat. My brother is always free to make himself his safe foods. My best friend walks with me so I can make sure ey don't eat apples and other stuff and ey can make sure I don't eat tomatoes and other stuff. Yeah, it sucks when I'm invited to a party and I have to make up a cover story about why I can't drink soda other than ginger ale, or eat food other than pasta, or have to wait seven minutes before taking another sip of my drink, but mostly I'm in ok situations. Always have ND friends to support you. It helps so much.

autism allies (and even a substantial number of autistic people) when you tell them your autism-induced picky eating is not “picky eating” but is in fact an eating disorder that you can’t magically get over in the next 5 seconds:

Dick forgets to eat sometimes.

Jason can’t fathom it—the entire concept is foreign to him. For as long as he can remember, food’s always been on his mind. If he wasn’t digging through dumpsters for it, he was squirreling away whole pieces of fruit and unopened granola bars the kids at school carelessly left on their trays, picking up gigs babysitting the neighbor brats for the complimentary PB&Js, sitting through two-hour fire & brimstone church sermons daydreaming about the fried chicken and potato salad that would come after. Jason’s gone hungry more times than he can count, but never once has he simply forgotten to eat.

Bruce says it’s something with the way Dick’s brain is wired. It’s why he can’t sit still very long without his leg jittering, why he talks a mile a minute when he gets going on a topic, why his apartment always looks like a tornado went through it.

All Jason knows is that it’s five p.m. and he’s starving.

Except he isn’t—not really. He had a bowl of Cap’n Crunch in Dick’s kitchen just that morning, milk and all. Jason’s gone far longer on far less, so he doesn’t know why his stomach's complaining so much today, why his head feels achy and light, why that tiny biting pain in his middle won’t shut up. He’s been living at the Manor for four months now, and he’s already gone soft.

They’re walking through Bludhaven Shopping Centre, Dick babbling on about the last obstacle of the indoor minigolf course they just finished. Jason tries to listen, but his heart is beating strangely fast and the only thought pulsing through his mind is food, food, food—

And then abruptly, he notices that Dick’s stopped walking. He’s looking at Jason, brow furrowed and lips moving as if asking a question, but Jason isn’t hearing anything because his hands are shaking and his breaths are coming out quick and gaspy and even though he’d been looking forward to hanging out with Dick for weeks now he suddenly wants nothing more than to be back in the Manor where the pantry’s always stocked and the fridge is full and he can breathe.

And then he blinks and he’s sitting at a sticky food court table, and Dick’s got a hand on his back, saying “in and out, nice and slow, that’s it,” and Jason’s got tears welling up in his eyes, which pisses him off because that’s stupid, he’s being stupid, only cats and babies cry because they missed lunch, and—

And then there’s a soft pretzel in a paper wrapper being nudged into his hand by a guilty-faced Dick with a murmur of “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking” and it makes Jason want to crawl into a hole and die because he can’t just be fucking normal about this.

But there’s honey mustard sauce to dip it in, and a Chipotle bowl soon after, and tomorrow he and Dick both eat all three meals.

Horribly sick today. Unknown if it's only pots or pots plus a mild sickness combined.

It is 6pm and I just now physically was able to shower. I.... I don't have any memory of eating yet today.... I think???? Looking back I can't think of anything.

I am QUITE hungry, though.

Now, 1) do I have spoons to make/scavenge for food ~ And 2) does anything in my kitchen/pantry even sound worth it

I can never get my portions right. I ate half a bowl of chicken garlic/basil pasta and I'm full.

I absolutely hate the feeling of being full. Not even overly full or anything. Just full. It's an awful feeling to me.... and I can never get my portions right. I just want to vom.

I know so many say "You should be thankful you have enough food to feel full because there are others who don't"

And while I get that..... I am thankful....

It just...doesnt help. At all. So then I feel physically horrendous AND guilty.