Friendship Trauma - Tumblr Posts

Me: Once these friends stop loving me, I can never love again.

My logic: What? They still love you tho?? Why are you saying that, they've given no indication that they're gonna stop.

Me: This is it. I will never use my heart again.

Logic: Literally nothing is happening????

Me: Cruel world, I shame you for hurting me. Tears, I loathe that I need you. Love, I wish I never knew you.

Logic: LITERALLY SHUT UP, YOU'RE FINE??????????

I realised the reason I love reading those romantic xReaders so much is because my fear of always being left behind runs deep enough that it bleeds into fiction. I assume everyone is going to leave me once they get a crush and/or fall in love, so especially when I'm reading xReaders, I have to be reading the romantic ones, because I know that as long as the characters like me romantically, they'll never leave me. I realised this when I read a completely platonic one, and I was uncomfortable. I was complaining to myself that I much preferred the romantic ones, which were much more fun and interesting. But when I got to the end, I thought about how if I had that friendship in real life, I would have felt so fulfilled! So I reread it, and it was so cute and fluffy and wholesome and I loved it! But I wondered what the character would do if he ever fell in love with someone else. And then it hit me.

I fear even a fictional character, in a fictional scenario that I can control just by thinking about it, leaving me for a romantic entanglement.

I am not okay.