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Phantom of the future

Hurt/comfort // word limit- 6.9k

That’s the thing about nostalgia, it leaves you empty somehow and when I know you are my forever nostalgia, how can I not be empty forever? 

With love comes pain and pain demands to be felt because love and pain are the two most surreal things in the world. You never know whether you may finally discover your true self or entirely lose oneself.  But with time we all wish once to turn back the time and live what we couldn’t live or undo those moments we all know what they are.  

2nd November’ 2000 

What if one of them had guts?

Their love, It was like a tell tale story. Nobody knows where it came from, nobody knows who wrote it, nobody knows the actual reality, nobody knows the missing lines, nobody knows the history, what we know is that it lives, it breathes. Their love was a tell tale story, untold to anyone. 

It was that day, that winter afternoon when the rain in its most substantial form was ready to pour down upon the world, crying if the cloud must in its own grief. Only that day the grief was to be shared by those 2 boys who knew so little of love and too much of pain. Those 2 boys who had been so well acquainted with grief that only one could fathom but the grief that was yet to be inflicted upon them would have changed the course of their lives.  

And Harry was so unaware of the change he was going to face when he was standing at that train station with the bags in his hand, ready to elope, from all of it to a place where they might belong, where they might be who they wanted to be. All was set, the place was awaiting for two young men in love, there was a suite awaiting with one bed, a reservation for a few days until they would run away again to a little town in the outskirts of Greece and live there until the time would have come for them to leave that little town too. All was ready, all was set, all was planned. He only had to come to the station. He only had to come. 

But three hours in the rain, with the station telephone running out of calls to make, with his hands hurting with the weight of the bags, with his heart that was so bruised and afraid and his eyes full of tears and his mind home to his worst fears. 3 hours in the rain, with all his clothes wet, his eager eyes growing more tired by every second and his legs eventually getting tired of the constant shaking, with his dying hope. The sky changed from amber to grey, from grey to darker, all trains left and yet there was no sign of him. 

And then came that black owl, finally in the darkness of the night, when everyone was asleep and no one could even figure out the secrecy of them. It came towards Harry and rested upon his knees. Harry slowly and carefully took off the letter tied to its little legs and opened it in the palm of his hand and watched the owl fly away all at the same time. 

2 words in the letter, no, it was a note. 

“I’m sorry ~ D.M.” 

And Harry knew that night that they both failed, that their future failed, their hope failed, their life failed, their love had failed. Nothing they ever hoped for, nothing they ever wished for, they were never going to get it and every living day after that he would have to live with the fact that they didn’t have the guts to fight. He knew that every living day after that was as hard as it was going to be and no matter how much that night he wished upon to be dead, no matter how much he wished upon to run to Draco and convince him to run away, no matter how much that night he wanted to change things, no matter what he wanted that night, it was never going to change the fact that their love story was nothing but an incomplete one and it will always be that way. 

Every living day after that was just a mere existence. 

7th May’ 2006 

“Harry, can you pass me the daily?” Ron asked, adding sugar to his coffee. 

Harry lazily picked the daily by his feet, resulting in it falling down to the ground. 

“Stop being so lazy. Just pick it up.” Ron rolled his eyes. 

Harry groaned and reached out to pick it up from the ground, only when he did that, his eyes fell upon the printed words on the cover page of the daily. 

“Malfoy heir engaged to Astoria Greengrass.” 

Harry’s eyes fixated on the article and even if he tried to stop himself from reading the article further on, he could not stop himself. 

“Sources close to the family have revealed that the engagement happened in a discreet, fashionable and typical Malfoy way inside the secrecy of their homes. The sources also reveal that the engagement had been the most awaited one in the family and one that was supposed to happen in December last year, nonetheless now the  wedding is set to happen on 2nd November of 2006. Rumours reveal that the booking for the venue of the same have already started and recently heard through workers in the industry reveal that the wedding might just be the grandest one in a decade-” 

“Harry, the daily.” Ron yelled again, startling Harry out of his reading trance. 

“Yeah.” he choked up and walked up to Ron. He handed him the newspaper and walked out of the apartment without even a little idea of where he was headed. Ron had tried to follow him but he had disapparated the moment he had walked out. 

That day the pain resurfaced itself, the one that he had buried for so long in the captivity of his chest, it resurfaced again and made him feel all those things he never wished upon feeling again but little could he help when he saw the news because how could he not feel sad about it, when the only man he ever loved was getting married. He was forced to think of those times when they had been together, he was forced to think of all those moments, all those days when love made sense, all those days of making plans to have a future they were supposed to have together, all those days when they were in love. He was cursed with the memories that lived in him, the memories he was sure he had not entirely moved on from, after all we never really move on, the light of that diminishes until its left with nothing more than a small burning flame of a candle. 

Somewhere we are all bound with the memories we take on as we move forward in our lives, whether it's a curse or not, that’s on the story of that lover. 

2nd November’ 2006 

“Nervous?” His friend chuckled behind him, forcing him to look up in the mirror. 

“I guess.” He replied. 

“Yeah, well, it's about to start. You have to be at the altar before Astoria reaches so you’re not the bride, she is. Don’t steal her limelight.” Blaise laughed off. 

“Sod off.” Draco chuckled. 

“If you must say so-oh- by the way, don’t forget your cufflinks. You have a ridiculously skinny wrist. And- I almost forgot, this came in your mail today.” Blaise threw the letter at Draco and took his leave almost as if he had other things to do. 

Draco picked up the letter from the ground and kept it beside the box of cufflinks, watching it curiously. 

Done with his cufflinks, he picked up and opened the letter. 

“Found your 5 leaf clover in a world of 3?” and it ended there with only a P.S. note “Congratulations.” 

And Draco knew very well where it came from. His choked heart saw the letter for long enough to come late to the aisle and hard enough to forget it was his wedding. 

“There’s a saying.” 

“I’m all ears.” 

Draco shifts closer so his head is laid over Harry’s lap more comfortably in the secrecy of the open tree house they made in the forbidden forest. He holds out the palm of his hand and show’s Harry a shamrock. 

“What’s that?” 

“A shamrock. 3 leaf clover.” 

“Why do you have it in your hand?” Harry asked. 

Draco shrugged, “I found it on my way here.” 

“Anyways, I was talking about the saying. You see this, this is a shamrock. But not every clover is a shamrock. These are 3 leaf clover, apparently it's said that if you find a 4 leaf clover, you are blessed with good luck but the possibility of finding a 4 leaf clover is 1 in 10,000 but I was doing some light reading and I came across the fact that the 5 leaf clover also exist and the possibility of finding it is 1 in 100,000 which is like really hard, which makes both 4 and 5 leaf clover really rare.” 

“Okay and why are you telling me this?” 

“Because finding those clovers are really rare. To find something that extraordinary is rare which is the same as finding someone you truly love. Someone you love in the purest form. That’s rare. So, I guess I'm saying that you are my 5 leaf clover in a world full of 3 leaf clovers and while everyone settles for searching for 4 leaf clovers, I already have both 4 and 5. So, I am indeed lucky.” Draco explained. Harry however didn’t reply which made Draco look up at him to find him so fondly smiling at himself that his heart skipped 100,00 beats at once. 

“You’re such a nerd.” Harry had laughed but Draco remembers the way Harry had kissed him that night. That kiss was a love confession that night. That kiss still lingers over his lips. 

“Draco?” 

He snapped out of his memory and stared at his soon to be wife standing in front of him looking at him with a suspicious glance. 

“Do you Draco Malfoy take Astoria Greengrass as your lawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health?” 

Draco breathed sharply and only for a moment stared out of the window behind Astoria and said, “I do.” 

7th June’ 2008 

“Are you coming to the party?” someone asked.

Draco frowned as he looked up and said “what party?” 

“The Potter- Weasley party? It was an open invite to everyone.” the man said. 

“Whatever for?” 

“Didn’t you hear?” 

“Hear what?” 

“Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter are getting married.” 

Saying his world crashed in front of him would mean that he still cared about Harry, but his world crashed in front of him. How could it not have? A world that was made up of glass was bound to fall down and shatter one day. 

He forced himself with a nod but when his friend had left the office, he had run to the long french open window and in the most toxic habit he had picked up, he lit a cigarette and smoked off. He picked the habit up in anxiety and almost 10 years later, it still sticks to him. He rubbed his hand against his chest as he fought for air and at the same time he smoked out another puff but it didn’t last long, neither the cigarette, nor the pack of it, nor the trying to reach for breath worked. He had ultimately sat down over the floor with his phone diary from when he was 18 and the dried up 4 leaf clover in his hand. He turned around the leaf in his hand and allowed himself to imagine what would have happened if he had really given Harry that leaf like he had wanted to. 

In the loneliness of the night, in the flickering burn of the old pain, he got drunk on the night and the memories of years ago and he only wondered one question. Is there a world where they go to Greece? 

8th August’ 2029 

“They got divorced.” Ginny said with almost shock.

“Who?” Harry asked as he flipped another set of pancakes on the pan. 

“At the age of 49.”

“Who got divorced?” Harry asked again. 

“Astoria and Draco Malfoy. Says here that she knew that he never really loved her and more often than not it seemed like a marriage in convenience. Also says, they were unhappy with their marriage for years but the pressure of the society made it almost unbearable for them to do anything else. Tragic, isn’t it?” She said, 

Harry nodded although partially distant in his thoughts. 

“If I have to be honest, I don’t blame them for getting a divorce. They were not happy with their marriage for a really long time.” Ginny added. 

“How do you know?” Harry asked. 

"Astoria worked for the pharmaceutical departments of the team, so I had talked with her for a really long time when I had injuries. Even back then she didn't like talking about Draco, I always assumed it was because she was a secretive person but now I get it."

"Could be that she really didn't like talking about it."

"Perhaps. Pity though. If you read the article further, it says that Draco remains silent about the whole divorce-"

"Can we not discuss their divorce? It's bad enough but we're just being gossipy about it and we don't like that." Harry interrupted.

"alright. Still though-"

"Ginny." Harry slurred off and took the newspapers away from her and read a few lines of the article and finally followed upon the image of Draco on the corner of the page.

“See, another one bites off to dust.” Draco had said. His hair shone with the faded red of the rising sun coming through the little peak of the window of the library. 

Harry took the Daily from Draco’s hand and read the headline of someone getting married. 

“What’s wrong with this?” 

Draco leaned forward as he crossed his legs, “whatever is not wrong with this? They’re getting married, that’s what's wrong.” 

“And why is that wrong?” Harry asked almost curiously. 

“Because it's a marriage. It's an establishment by society. Just another one of the elements to fit into a society and please others. Marriage is just a built up concept, a proof per say that you are bound to someone for life and statistically more often than not, people land up in marriage just for the sake of it which is just wrong.” He explained. 

“But isn’t marriage like the most sacred and strongest vow sort of thing in the world?” 

“That’s all just words of consolation, to state it in easier ways. I do not believe in marriage, probably never will.” 

“But it's marriage. It's a proclamation to your significant other in front of the whole world, It's promising someone that you want to grow old with them, it's a vow.”

“I believe if you really love someone, the only ones who need to know are you two. You don’t need to prove the whole world about your love. If you want to grow old together, do it, why label it with something the same people made who forbid us to get married too?” Draco shrugged, “It's just something I believe though but if you really believe in marriage then that’s your thing. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to and if somehow one day I do end up getting married, it’ll be some sort of a convenience.” 

“even if it's with someone you really love?” Harry asked, a flicker of pain passing through his heart. 

“I don’t need marriage to prove my love to someone. I’ll give that person much more than what marriage gives-” 

“What if it’s me?” Harry couldn’t hold back which left Draco more speechless. 

“What-” 

“What if it’s me? What if it’s us? Your opinion will not change then either? Of course, I’m not saying this to sound creepy but if we ever work out and we reach a point in our lives where we want to marry, you wouldn’t?” 

Draco couldn’t answer because Harry had never really talked about a plausible future before and as endearing as that thought seemed at that moment, it also seemed all the more scarier because of how serious their relationship had turned. 

“I- I don’t know. I mean, I still don’t believe in marriage but I can’t say anything about it. I can’t make that promise but if we’re to work out, we’ll go on forever but I wouldn’t want to settle with the norms of the same society that makes us keep us a secret, you know, that forces us to meet in the secrecy of forbidden rooms and in private before morning. How can I ever settle for a norm they created?” 

Harry wanted to say something to it, he really wanted to but he knew that Draco was strong headed about his opinions and no matter what, he wouldn’t be able to change his opinion, even if they seemed irrational. He was only left to not talk about it further ahead but it didn’t mean that he wasn’t almost hurt by his words. He wanted Draco, probably much more than anyone else but if being with him came with a cost, he chose to settle with that cost. 

Marriage in convenience, he knew it. He should’ve known it years ago too but when he had come ages from his young self, he couldn’t help but find himself almost in agreement of the thoughts they had shared in the library. Maybe, nobody ever remains happy in a marriage, maybe they all do it for the sake of it or maybe they do it because back then their love was strong but with years, that fades and what’s left in a marriage is responsibilities and the memories of being young in love. He looks at Ginny as he thinks so and realises he had burnt the pancake. 

19th September’ 2035 

“Holly herpies played bad, innit?” the man slurred in his british accent and Draco couldn’t help but overhear the conversation. 

“Of course they played badly this season, Ginny weasley retired as the captain after all.” the other man said. 

“Talking about Ginny Weasley, you heard their son got married last month?” 

“Albus?” 

“Uh huh- small wedding. Sources say Harry wasn’t happy with Albus’s choice.” 

“Why?” 

“Something about marrying too young. Think I heard somewhere that he knew what true love was and in the haste of wanting to get married, he didn’t see it in Albus’s life.” 

Draco shook his head as he read briefly through another line of the obituary, realising that more than half the people he used to look upto have died now. 

“Have you read his new biography? Talks about his questioning sexuality during his young years? The writer says that he was involved with someone back in his school years.” 

“Do you really think he might’ve been involved with someone back in school?” 

“Hardly. Public stunt I would say. It was a population of like 3000 students, at least one of them would have found out if the golden boy was dating someone. It’s not possible, nobody is that good enough to keep secrets.” 

Draco shook his head again with a low smile over his lips. His finished cup of coffee was already taken back to the counter and what sat in front of him was the bill of his coffee he was yet to pay. He noticed how the two men who were talking about Harry had walked out completely oblivious of the fact that Draco had heard the entire conversation. 

He wondered what those boys even knew of love, of secret love in fact or if they ever even understood the aspect of loving behind closed doors away from the world, then he realised perhaps they did not because not everyone gets the chance to be in secret love. What the world knew of the secret love was so little and what Draco knew was too much. He took out his wallet to keep the cash on the booklet when in hand came his phone diary which was over 30 years old and he carefully opened the diary to the 4 leaf clover. His face stretches into a frown and he grazes the brown leaf with soft hands and realises he had no purpose to carry that leaf around but he still does, maybe because it reminds him of Harry, maybe because it reminds me of the pain of love. But perhaps the purpose of his life died when he was too young, a mere boy of 19. He picks the leaf in his hand and almost leaves it there that day but he couldn’t do it because it was the only physical thing that reminded him of Harry. For the first time in 30 years, when his diary fell from his hand, a small page slid from between and he opened the note and found the note he wrote for Harry but never gave it to him like several other things in his life. 

“I love you beyond the letters written by every lover in the world. I love you more than all the sonnets in the world. I love you more than the stars there are in the sky and I love you more than my own existence. To quote, you are the first rays of sun for me and you are the last light of the moon for me.  I love you more than I admit and more than I allow myself to believe, you are it, you are the reason why I’m a mortal, to love you forever and die.” 

He runs his hand against the smudged ink around the corner of the page and remembers the touch of Harry’s skin after he had written it because when he had written the note, Harry was late to the tree house and Draco had chosen to write something for him but he could never give it to Harry. He was always too afraid, always. He always knew loving Harry was a losing game, one that would become an illusion one day, a long forgotten dream but he really wondered right now if it did become a dream because he doesn’t think so and if it did then perhaps it became the most surreal one. 

9th January’ 2039 

“Nice celebration, isn’t it?” Ginny asked as she came and stood next to Harry and slowly wrapped him in the warm embrace of the blanket she was in. 

Harry smiled, “It was.” 

“Still shocks me, you know, how they love each other so much.” She said. 

Harry nodded. 

“That’s Ron and Hermione, I guess. The most perfect couple there ever was.” 

“When I was a little girl, I used to read those fairy tales love stories and I always thought, that stupid fairy tale love stories would never be what I want.” 

“You’ve always been different like that. What did you want then? What kind of story?” Harry smiled at her. 

“Something that was more real. Like Ron and Hermione. What they have is real, true, beautiful.” She said, He noticed the way she kept staring up at the stars covering the sky like a heavy blanket. He noticed how she did not say that their kind of story was what she wanted because truly, this isn’t the kind of story either of them wanted. It was beautiful but a tragic one. It was one of those stories where love faded from that shade of red to the shade of pale rose, one that lived for years only to dimmer with every 365 days. Harry knew their love had vanished somewhere along the way. They stood under the same blanket like all those times they did, but she didn’t leave his heart racing anymore, she didn’t even calm his heart anymore, she didn’t gather all his attention when she walked into the room like she used to and she wasn’t the one he wanted to give all the paper rings to and he knew she didn’t feel all the same either. He wondered where they went wrong, how it happened but then he thinks time happened. Time made him love her and all the same made him forget what loving her felt like. He wanted to love her but loving her now only seemed like a safe play but maybe that’s what their love always was. Their love wasn’t reckless, it wasn’t carefree, it wasn’t unprecedented, it was always calculated, predicted and careful. All their love was a foundation to all the most perfect calculations but now when he stood here, he knew somewhere his calculations went wrong because in all his divisions, he needed a zero and what he was left with was a remainder 1 and that was Draco and even if he wished that it was Ginny, he knew that she wasn’t. He never loved her the way he was supposed to, he never did. He never loved her till the brim of the glass, he never did and she knew it. Another marriage turned into convenience. 

22nd April’ 2051 

“All these faces we haven’t seen in years, right?” 

They had gathered, all of them, at one place in the given time for one purpose, the funeral ceremony of Minerva McGonagall. A legend had died and all were here, even the broken lovers. Nobody wants a reunion in the graveyard but life is sometimes about meeting in the graveyard, living or dead. Funny, how we live our youth wasting away and old age counting every second. Time. It’s a constant reminder of choices we make, all our lives, who we love, who we don’t, who we leave, who we don’t, who we chose to spend our life with, who we don’t, who we make beautiful mistakes with, who we don’t. 

Harry walked around to look for the nearest bench to find some peace from all the stories he already knew and there was only one he found, at the entry of the ceremony garden, occupied by one other man. 

“Taken?” 

“By you.” Harry almost smiled, almost. The same effect even after years. 

“52 years has it been?”

“52.” 

They sighed in silence, both of them together. 

“What happened in 52 years?” Harry asked. 

Draco shook his head, bemused, “Life.” 

“You liked it?”

He didn’t answer. 

“What happened in your 52 years?” 

“Journey.” 

“You liked it?” 

Harry shrugged, “We never like all parts of a journey, do we?” 

“Alone?” Harry asked. 

“Always been.” 

“You chose it.” It was a statement, not a question but a statement that was more true than even Draco could’ve said. 

“I chose it.” He agreed. 

And the wind blew between them, few leaves twirling in front of them above the ground and the sun covered behind the clouds. 

“I wanted to come. To that station.” Draco finally said after a long pause of silence. 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Pain.” 

“Of what?” 

“Of Love.” He replied. 

“I pained you?” Harry asked. 

“No, loving you did. It took me 30 years to realise all of it and all 52 years spent in regret.” 

“Realise what?” He asked, turning to face Draco. They both were old enough but his mind only pictured his younger version, one he had always loved. 

“To realise that love was always supposed to be painful, I just had to be brave.” He said and for the first time in 52 years, his grey eyes met his green and it was just that, a moment locked in a memory of two old men who couldn’t even remember where they kept their glasses, but this, they’ll remember even in their deathbed. 

“Why weren’t you brave then?” 

“Loving you turned me into a coward.” 

Harry chuckled beside him, “You were always a coward.” 

“Or maybe I always loved you.” 

And followed silence. 

“Did you truly love me?” Harry couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t. 52 years of waiting for this answer and he needed it now. 

“More than myself.” 

“And yet you chose yourself?” 

“I chose not to lose you.” 

“But you did.” 

He did. In not wanting to lose him, he lost his everything and that cut a deeper scar because now he sits in front of him and yet all he knows is that he doesn’t have Harry. 

“I waited till the morning, hoping you’d come but you didn’t and I was left with a choice not my own to make, I left.” 

“I loved you, more than I ever allowed myself to admit, more than I ever allowed myself to even believe or even understand back then but I did but I was afraid. I am a coward, always will be but I didn't want to be someone who wanted to lose you by choice. If you think I didn't think of you in all these years, believe me, Harry, I thought of you more than I should've and it kills me to realise that I couldn't spend my life with you. I always feel foolish that I never came to the station but I could've never lived to see a day where I would have messed up and I'd have lost you forever. I couldn't do that."

"But you still lost me forever, didn’t you? You already did that. You lost me nonetheless and you lost me by choice and I lost you too, because of your choice,"

"I loved you too Draco, maybe more than I understood back then but I did and believe me when I say, not seeing you come to that station was the worst pain I ever felt in my life," Harry replied heavily.

"You really are a coward." He added.

"I wish I had the guts to love you."

"I wish it too." Harry sighed.

"If I could turn back time, I would." Draco said.

"Would it really help?"

"If I could go back in time, I'd choose you, over and over again. I wish I had realised sooner that you were worth all the risks, worth every chance, worth every day."

"And you think turning back time would help?"

"Maybe, maybe not but it would give me a chance to see my life with you." Draco shrugged.

Harry remained silent for a very long time, perhaps long enough that they forgot they were even talking but then Harry spoke up,

"Time is an illusion, a phantom."

"everything is."

"You can't turn back time."

"One can wish." One can truly wish.

"I don't want this to be the last time."

"But it is, isn't it?"

It was.

10th September' 2065

His hand shook as he brewed his last cup of tea and his knees hurt all the same but he walked towards the mail and sat them down next to his rocking chair. He took his tea and with a slight tremble in his body, he managed to sit down. Letters after letters he ignored until his trembling hands came upon the most familiar handwriting ever after years of forgetting a lot of things. He would forget what he wore last night or where he went to his last date or who he went on a last date with ages ago but that handwriting, he knew it so well. He tore the envelope and opened the letter. In a world of print, it was only he who would write a letter. 

It contained 2 pictures, a picture from 1999 and a picture from 2055, of the same place, the treehouse Harry and Draco built together. He flipped the images and saw the handwritten note, 

“2 April 1999- To our first home” “2 April 2055- To our forgotten home” 

Draco kept the pictures aside and opened the handwritten letter, 

“What if we had made it through? Through all of it? 

This is my last letter Draco, if you’ve received the letter then I’m no longer in this world but there were things I had wanted to say for a long time but have not been able to and I knew there was no better I wanted to say all these unsaid things than a letter. 

If I have to be honest, I knew you would not come that night, at that train station, I knew you wouldn’t, not because I didn’t have faith in you, or our love, I knew you would not come because I knew you. You were brave, you always have been but you were always scared when it came to me and I lose my mind every single time I even try to think of its answer. I knew that day that what we had ended way before I even reached the station but I kept giving myself the hope that for once, just once in your heart you’d find that courage to give us a chance. You were always so scared of loving and I can blame the whole world for making you not believe in the power of love but it took me a long time to realise that you were so scared of love that you ran away from love. You never wanted to love to begin with because you had seen so many love stories crumble before you like a piece of paper,  you never wanted to love because as endearing as that pleasure of being in love was, you were afraid of the pain it might cause you and you were not wrong to believe any of it. I think somewhere in your head you were so sure that we would never work out, maybe so was I but In all my life, Draco, you were and truly are the only one I wanted to give a chance to love. In the hopes of not wanting to live through the pain of loving, you let go of me completely that you lost me forever and I had to let you go because I had no choice. I could’ve fought for you, every single time but I suppose that was not what you wanted. But here’s a thing I learnt about pain and and love in all my life, they’re related, there can never be one without the other, no matter where we go in our life we are one step away from making a huge mistake and the best decision of our lives. You cannot love without pain and pain can never be pain if not because of love. We have to let ourselves delve into love, we have to play by chance, always because we are never certain of what may happen. You were so afraid that all we’d do would end up in vain but I can never bring myself to even believe that you would think that we’d not work out and say, we did not work out, would it had meant that what we had was not good enough because what I know, Draco, loving you was the best feeling I had ever known. I could not bring myself to not love you even a single day because this time I was afraid I’ll forget the best feeling in the world, of loving you. 

I wanted you to believe in us, that we could have made it through, I wanted you to give us a chance, if only one time and for the last time in your life, I wanted you to have all that you could have with me and the rest would’ve been history. I could’ve shown you the rainbow of love, I could’ve loved you in all the ways I wanted to, I would’ve shown you that us, we would always be worth it because there was no one else I wanted to show my love but to you. I wanted you to just take the courage of loving me and I would’ve loved you with everything in me, with all the love that there was in me, I would’ve fought battles for you, I would’ve led the armies into the battle for you, I would’ve loved you till the sun would have died, I would’ve loved you in the midnight conversations, I would’ve loved you in your morning mood, in all your flaws, in all our faults, in all our fights, I would’ve loved you through it all because my love for you  was never finite, never. You were the only man that no matter what, no matter when would have shown up at my doorstep and I would’ve accepted you with open arms because I loved you so much but I guess, that same love was not enough to make you believe in us but believe me, Draco, you are worth every chance, in every life. And I hoped that you would’ve given us a chance and I would’ve shown you that being in love with you, being together would never be a mistake, that we would’ve ended up together, always because You are it, you are the love of my life and will always be, even in hell or heaven. 

And you said that day that if you could turn back time and live through with me, you will. So, Draco, this is your time to take your chance. Do you have the guts?

Always yours, Harry Potter.” 

Draco read the letter over and over again, perhaps even 72 times and every time the words hit the same. The sun went down that day, with him, in that chair, re-reading it because he couldn’t bring himself to do anything, anything but read Harry for one last time and realise that the only time Draco has a chance is after Harry is dead. He realised that day how truly wrong he had been, how foolish he had been to believe that they would not have ended up together. He was mad at himself to believe that there was even a single way that he would give up on Harry when he knew how much he loved him. It felt ridiculous to him to look back at his life and realise, he had wasted away his life in nothing, in loving Harry throughout the years and in regret of ever leaving him. It hit him that day that Harry loved him too much to have let Draco let go, the only reason Harry ever let go of Draco was because he pushed him away when if Draco had just went to that station that day, his entire life would have been so different and at that point it didn’t matter if they would have ended up as endgame or not because Draco knew that he would have given his heart to Harry and allowed himself to love Harry in all the ways he wanted to, because he knew that he at least gave themselves a chance to make their own story, even if it would end as a tragic story, he would die in peace knowing he at least gave it a try.  

He opened another envelope that came with it and took that instrument in his hand and stared at it long enough to be ready. 

He was ready to turn back time. 

2nd November’ 2000 

He wiped his tears, pushed the quill away, tied the note to his owl’s leg and sent it away, with his heart breaking inside. He knew he should go, but he was afraid, he should but he knew that they would never work out. He rested his head against the table, sniffing when he suddenly felt the cold breeze run by and he saw the open window. He got up from his chair and shut off the window before his table, only to realise he had closed it before too but nonetheless he closed it again and this time he noticed the phone diary on his table that wasn’t there before. He took the diary to put it away in the drawer but only by chance he opened the diary and found that 4 leaf clover from nowhere and was instantly reminded of Harry. In that diary, there was that note too, one that he wrote not an year ago when Harry was a little late and Draco had a nice day and he wanted to tell him about his day while they cuddled in the night, it was then when he had realised how much he had truly loved Harry. And now when both of those things were there in front of Draco, he couldn’t help but wonder what if he gives both of those to Harry. He sat there thinking of it for a long, long time, almost the dusk settling in when he heard an unknown voice. He thinks he hallucinated that day because he hadn’t slept in hours but he thinks he had heard that voice, ‘Be Brave, go to him’  It could have also been his inner conscience but whatever it was, it made him rethink his decision. He looked at the note he wrote one last time and he whispered to himself, 

“What am I doing?” 

 He stared at the clock on the wall and calculated if he would make it on time.

 That was all it took for him to rewrite his story. That morning, he ran to the station and arrived just the moment Harry was about to leave and hugged him tighter than anything else in the world and that feeling of being at that station with him, it was the only thing he felt was the most right feeling in the world. They cried, Draco confessed his fears and Harry embraced him but they did not take the train to Greece. 

They rewrote their story. They stayed in london, they loved in secrecy and they became a tell tale story but a completed one, one that lived decades. 

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If, again, in future

She asked me who my type was.

We were half drunk, laughing and talking in my bedroom about the most absurd thing's ever but like the intoxication of alcohol buzzed in and we dimmed into cuddling next to one another staring up at my ceiling, she bought it up, carefully yet recklessly because we didn't talk about those things anymore. We stopped talking about it because she said it hurt both of us to talk about it, about what happened but that night she did, maybe because we were half drunk and I think both of our heart's would've allowed us to see through that pain or maybe it was just a reckless move because of that alcohol.

I looked at Pansy when she asked me who was my type and I shrugged.

"I can't be sure. I've never particularly thought about it."

But I think she figured I wasn't being completely honest.

The truth was Infact that I didn't know because I don't think I wanted to know. Knowing my type was scary because I was afraid that he was either too much of my type or not even close to my type. Or maybe I never even cared enough to know what my type was because it was all just a label for fantasies that hardly come true.

"But you must have a type? Even if in the most insignificant ways." She said.

I shrugged again and for the fun of it, I said, "I think guys with a good dressing sense."

We both laughed at it because it could've so easily been true, but then I added,

"I don't think I've ever thought about it that much you know. Liking girls made me have a type but being gay, I don't think I developed a type."

Then suddenly out of nowhere as if she could read my mind like an open book, she said, "Harry's your type, isn't he?"

I went silent, a small smile over my face, a sad small smile because she read it through me.

"Could be." I replied with a shrug again. Did I wanted to talk about it anymore, maybe but I didn't know how to without thinking that it'd hurt her talking about Harry with me.

"he is your only type, isn't he? Be honest."

I didn't deny. I nodded.

"I can't help the obvious truth, can I? He's all that I want, he's all that I look for, he's all that I think of. He's my type to the point that I even think I'm more Harry sexual than gay." I laughed towards the end and she gave me a smile.

"it hurts though, doesn't it?" She asked me.

I remained silent for a moment again and then I nodded, "I'm trying to move past it. That's all I can do."

She held my hand and caressed mine softly.

"If, again, in future."

That's all she said and I shrugged because I knew it was never going to happen, I didn't let the hope dwell anymore but I knew she was trying to console me, so I let her.

"I never gave much thought about men before Harry came along you know. Like I knew I was gay but when Harry came, I- just- knew, he was it." I said, maybe with a little tremor in my voice because she started holding my hand a little tighter.

"Oh, Draco- it'll be okay. One day."

I shrugged. I knew it but I never said it out loud to her that, that one day was what I was fearing more, the one day I would stop liking Harry Potter because perhaps liking him is all I've ever known in life and if I don't like him then maybe I'll forget who I was, what it was and maybe, somewhere I didn't want that. But I could not have said it out loud, I could not bore to see her face, or the way she would've held my hand and said all those things I already knew, all those beautiful things that would only make my heart yearn.

So instead,

"More?" I asked holding the bottle of alcohol and she nodded with a smile. And we got drunk again.

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Did I write it when I was half drunk? Yeah.

If, again, in future - Part 2

But I suppose it was always supposed to hurt. 

Knowing that I could not stop loving him, it was always supposed to hurt because it was a task to look at him and not smile. I swear I tried so hard every time he called me, every time he talked to me, every time he would just pass by me, it was impossible to refrain a smile and I only wondered if he knew he still had that effect on me. I hoped he did and I hoped that he did all the same too, I hoped that he too smiled after I crossed him in the hallway or that he smiled whenever I would just message him, or whenever I would call him, but somewhere in my undeserving heart, it felt like that he did not, he did not smile at the thought of me and I wanted to be okay with it. 

And I suppose I could have made peace with it that day if he had not stood at my doorway, with a cup of tea in his hand and my favorite biscuit too because he had remembered what day it was. I could have been okay or what my heart likes to believe but when that day my eyes matched his, I could not hold my smile. I had stood up and hugged him with everything I could gather in me and he had hugged me all the same and whispered that the day will pass because he was going to be there for me, always. 

And I being a fool in love had said I loved him even though I wasn’t supposed to love him anymore and I wished I could have taken back my words but I could not and maybe just for the sake of that day, he had said he loved me too but that was the last I ever heard him say it. I wished later that night that I should have told him I loved him much more than once because it felt as though that if it were the last day that I could say I loved him then I should have said times more than infinity, just so he knew that my heart was his. 

But then days go by and he doesn’t call me for a while or message me or pass by me because of his supposed work and then suddenly one night, at 1 am he rang my doorbell and I let him in, only he was intoxicated beyond his normal capacity. 

I had taken his bottle of booze away and made him comfortable on the couch, almost put him to sleep but he held my hand and made me lay down next to him. 

I remember how my heart raced and I thought more of my heart racing could not have been possible but then out of the blue, he linked our fingers together and let his drunk words flow. 

“Draco, have I ever told you that you’re the most magnificent person I’ve ever come across?” 

I chuckled, then shook my head, “That’s not true.”

“But it is. It’s just so easy- being with you, talking to you, to be in the awe of you, its so easy being with you.” He said, turning to face me. 

I turned myself so I was facing him, his face softer than usual and I looked at him straight in the eye hoping he would make the sentence from my eyes, one I did not say out loud anymore, one that I wasn’t supposed to. 

“Its easy being with you, too.” Instead I say. 

He shook his head and then bought our intertwined hands to my face and touched it, “You are- special with an E.” 

“With an E? Like especial? Why?” 

“Because I once heard that special with an E makes it more special. Special of special. And you’re just so special to me. You are more important to me than anyone else- and you- Draco- I-.” But he stopped right there for a while. I wish he had continued that sentence at that moment but he did not. 

“You’re special to me too, special with an E.” I smiled. 

He smiled at me and suddenly his face grew sadder. 

“I can’t do this.” 

“Do what?” I asked, more confused than I had ever been. 

“Not be brave enough to not love you. I can’t do it. You- you do something to my heart Draco, something even I can’t describe and some days I want it to stop but most days, I just- I like knowing that you do something to my heart.” He said and I think perhaps those were the few words I had waited long enough to hear but in that moment, I could not even shake my head because even if his drunk words were his most true words, I wanted to hear those words when he was sober. 

“You were the one to end everything, Harry. I never asked for any of it.” I had said and he nodded. 

“I know, but looking at you- every time- you’re just so surreal that I forget that I’m not supposed to love you.” He shrugged and I could not help a smile. 

“I can’t forget to love you, ever. I don’t think I even want to.” I confessed honestly. 

And he stayed silent after that for a really long time, just staring at me and I thought that maybe I had said something wrong, out of my turn but then suddenly he said the words that I never thought I would hear in this lifetime, because I had waited so long to hear those words, so long that I had lost all hopes but right now, he said those words, he did. 

“I want you. I want you. I want you, I want you- because I love you. I love you so much that I can’t move on, that I can’t do anything about it. You’re there in my head 25/8, and I don’t want to not love you because I want to love you so much, I love you so much but Draco, I want you. I know what I had said before this but I do want you, even if all of it comes with a cost.” 

I smiled politely at him and bought out intertwined hands to kiss his hand and said, “Harry, you’re drunk. Tomorrow morning, you’ll say that you don’t want me again and you know what happens next? The hope that I had gathered whole night, It breaks my heart and I pretend that I'm not hurt but I am, much more than I ever let myself express. It makes it hard for me to even look at you but then I know I can’t lose you and it becomes hard for me to not love you, again.” 

“No, I want you. I want you Draco, you are all I want. Don’t you get it? I- really want you that it hurts my heart. You don’t believe me but I want you, so much and it hurts wanting you so much, knowing that I don't have you.” Tears glimmered from the corner of his eyes and I did not think I could have seen him cry at that moment when my own heart was so faint, so I had leaned forward and kissed his lips. 

“I want you too, Harry. More than I’ve ever wanted anyone In my life. I get you-” 

“No, Draco- you don’t, I need you. So much. I was a fool to think I could have lived knowing that I loved you still, everyday. I was a fool, a stupid foolish man to believe that I could have lived knowing how much I loved you. I should have known 3 months ago when I was ending that I would come back because the truth is I need you in my life, as my boyfriend, as someone I can wake up next to, as someone I love and I’m ready to risk all of it because- you, make me happy, more than I have ever been, more than I can ever remember. What you make me feel, these feelings, I’ll never have it for anyone, and honestly I don’t even want to have it for anyone but you, because its you. It’s always been you. I want to risk it all, only for you.” 

“All of it?”

“All of it."

"why?" I had asked as my own eyes filled with tears, almost threatening to spill.

"because I know you are worth all the risks, all the chances in the world, but only if you’ll have me.” 

And then it was my turn to stay quiet and I did stay quiet long enough for all the memories to rush back to me and then my heart said, fuck it all, he’s saying he want me, then want him back but my sensibility kicked in and I said, 

“I’ll always want you, Harry- but I need you to say all this to me tomorrow morning,all of it because I don’t want my heart to break again, I can’t take any more of heart breaks. So, if in the morning, you say the same words and I’ll be there for you, I’ll be with you.” 

“You will?” 

“I will.” 

“And what if I don’t tomorrow morning?” 

Then I smiled and said, “Then we’ll do what we have been doing, loving each other in secret. Pretending that we don’t love one another.” 

But the next morning, he wanted me, he wanted me in his sober thoughts, he was scared, so was I but I wanted him too, so we took our chance, our only chance putting it on our destiny that this future we got, it doesn’t turn into another story where we wait for ‘that one day’. 

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If, again, in future

She asked me who my type was.

Keep reading

Freely, unconditionally, irresistibly

Angst dialogue prompt no. 9 "I'm only human."

He doesn't regret it, not even a little bit.

When Harry became friends with Draco, he had little expected of what their bond might turn into, neither one of them knew it because all they were doing were living in the moment, letting things go with the flow without caring for anything, only had they little know what would have happened, maybe one of them would have stopped.

Everyone knew Harry had a heart of gold, the way he loved, nobody else could love like him but perhaps that was the first turn he took that he should not have.

He should not have ignored the flutter that day, he should not have ignored the way that he smiled, he should not have ignored his fast heart beat, he should not have ignored all the signs but he did.

It happened late evening when Harry came back from work, so exhausted that all he ever wanted was to lay down in his bed and sleep in forever. He didn't want to talk to anyone, just for a few hours he wanted to ignore the world, he just wanted that but the moment he had closed his eyes for 1 second, his phone had rung loudly and despite his strong urge to ignore the call, he did not, only realising after picking up that it was Draco.

"Draco?" He asked, "You're calling pretty late? what happened?"

"Nothing, actually. I just finished reading a book and I really wanted to talk to someone about it. Are you free?" he asked from the opposite end.

That night, Harry should have said he was tired, that maybe they should talk in the morning, maybe they should discuss it later but he had found himself saying yes, leading to Draco's never ending theories about the book and he stayed up till 3 a.m. talking and listening to every word Draco had to say and he would never deny not loving the excitement in his voice. Harry was sure that he had only ever heard people get excited over little things as such but when he had actually seen Draco so happy about those little things, he found himself in all the ways that he should not have. He should not have ignored the way Draco's voice made him happy that night.

The next time he ignored all the signs was when he was at a party, the most important of them all, one where he had to do a speech but Draco had texted him in the middle and Harry could not find it in himself to ignore his message. He remembered smiling so much to all his messages that he was afraid people misunderstood him. It occurred to him that day that even the smallest of the message from Draco could make him smile that much but he still ignored all the signs. He ignored the warmth inside of him that he felt when he saw his message, he ignored the way he kept checking his cell over and over again for his message, he ignored the way he grew impatient when Draco would respond 2 minutes later. He ignored all those signs. 

Ron did not like any of it. He could see the way Harry was falling for Draco when even Harry didn’t know that he was but he wanted to be supportive of whatever he was doing because he knew Draco was making Harry happy and that was all he ever wanted for him but he could not refrain asking him questions the next time he saw Harry making efforts for Draco, 

“Didn’t you just come home and complained that you were very tired and now you’re leaving?” Ron asked. 

Harry wore his shoes with much groaning and shook his head, “Its important. Draco needs me. I will sleep later.” He dismissed him. 

“Harry- I know I should not be saying this but- please, just be careful.” 

“of what?” 

“You know exactly what.” Ron raised his eyebrows at Harry. 

He on the other hand sighed, “I’m not falling for him, don’t worry.” 

But it worried him because that night Harry returned home with the biggest smile on his face as if he was drunk on some sort of love potion. It worried him because he fell asleep on the couch, smiling and he almost never did that. 

The next time Harry ignored the signs was when he was in the middle of a meeting and Draco texted him that he needed his help. The way Harry had hurried and finished off his meeting just so he could see Draco, only he knew and the moment he met Draco, the surge of relief that just gushed through him, it made him feel all those things he didn’t know he could feel. 

“Why did you call me here?” 

“I didn’t disturb you, did I?” 

Harry should have said yes, he should’ve told him about all those pissed off faces he saw when he hurried the meeting but he chose not to. He denied instead and the smile he was greeted with, he knew it could light up a thousand miles. 

“Right, we’re going book shopping then. I have read everything on my list and I need more.” Draco announced and even if Harry chuckled, even if he joked, he knew how much he truly admired him at that moment, that out of everyone he knew, he chose Harry to go with. It made him feel things again. 

That night they came back very late and Draco offered Harry to stay at his place and even though Harry knew he had leave early morning because of work, he stayed, because Draco asked him to, because he asked him to... 

Harry was lying on the couch next to Draco, both too sleepy to even function anymore but neither one of them just wanted to sleep. Harry wanted to stay up all night and talk for hours because that night, those few hours were not enough for him. He felt as though, 24, 36 or even 48 hours or even more, none of them would be enough. He never wanted the night to end. 

But he said, “You should sleep. It’s been a tiring day.” 

“Says the one who came from his work.” Draco rolled his eyes. 

Harry smiled, shaking his head, “Just sleep, would you?” 

But at that moment when Draco looked, so sincerely, as if all the worlds ocean was right there in his eyes and he said, “If I sleep then I won’t be able to talk to you and there’s no way in hell I would want that. I want to talk to you, all night if even. Its either you or all the other things and there’s no way I’m not choosing you.” 

That was the moment Harry knew he’d never be the same. The moment when he knew that his heart has made space for Draco’s and as terrifying as that thought was, Harry knew that he would choose Draco over anything, anytime. 

“If I sleep, would you sleep?” 

“If you do, then I will.” 

“Okay. Let’s sleep then.” 

But Harry didn’t sleep at all. He spent his night staring at Draco’s face and wondering what it would be like to touch his face, hold his hand and even kiss his lips. He should not have thought all that, but he did. 

But when he stopped ignoring all those signs, when he accepted his fate of falling for Draco, he put no stop to his feelings. He did, he did and he did for Draco. He read lines and thought of Draco, he heard songs and thought of him, he read those books that Draco liked, he let him paint his nails, he let him call him bird nest when he didn’t let anyone call him by any other name than Harry, he let him read lines to him, he annotated quotations to Draco, he talked with all day and all night long, he did everything that made Draco happy because Draco made him happy too, he did all and he fell in love. His traitor heart could not stop itself from falling in love with the only man who ever truly made him happy. 

But not everytime loving is the most beautiful thing in the world. Sometimes loving turns into the most cruelest thing. It becomes a battle you can't return from.

We talk about those kind of love where your partner stays up late just to talk to you, the kind of love where your partner knows everything about you and does exactly what your desire most, the kind of love where you wake up and you think of your lover first, where they send you flowers, the kind of love where you think of them all day long, the kind of love where you give it all, all those beautiful love stories that work out but sometimes, not all love stories ends up with girl meets a boy, a boy meets a boy, girl meets a girl and they fell in love and have a happy life. 

He gave him all, he poured out his heart, his time, his soul, his everything for Draco, for tiny bits of his happiness, to see him smile but even if he did everything a lover does, even if he loved him unconditionally, even if he loved him more than anyone else in the world, he had to watch Draco falling for somebody else, because sometimes in some stories boy meets a boy, one falls in love and other does not and all there remains is one sided love. 

Harry never chose to be hurt, he never wanted to be. He fought with Ron so much because Ron warned him and Harry didn’t take his advice, they fought so much that one night he just blurted out, the words were on the edge. Ron was yelling, he was yelling and it became too much for him to go on.

“I’m only human, Ron. I too can love. Big deal, I fell in love, he did not. I can’t do anything if he goes on date with someone else than me, I can’t do anything if he reads books with him, if he goes on library dates with him or if he goes on drives with him or calls him with other names, I can’t do anything if he loves someone else and I love him. I can’t change anything, I fell in love and he did not. I’m only human, I- I’m just another stupid person who fell in love. The worst part is I can't even care if he doesn't love me back because I know that other guy makes him happy. What's worse is that perhaps somewhere I felt he liked me too but he did not, what's even worse is that I still can't stop loving him even when I know he's not mine to love.” 

The silence dragged on, the silence in which Harry breathed loudly. Silence in which he could hear his own heart beating. Silence in which he wanted to die.

Ron sighed and instead of swearing back at Harry, he hugged him,in is own vulnerability, “I care too much about that stupid heart of yours, Harry. What’s done is done- I wish I could make it easier for you, I really wish I could. I was so afraid of seeing you like this, I should've done something, to save you from this..I'm sorry, Harry. I'm sorry.” 

Harry’s voice slowly turned into sobs as he wept in the arms of his best friend for unrequited love. He wept in the love that he wanted to kill. He wept for all the pain his heart felt. He wept because he was helpless.

“I wish he loved me back.” He said in those raw, genuine, vulnerable words because even if Harry accepted that Draco was with someone else, the part that loved him wished that Draco was with him than somebody else.

“I know, I know, you'll find somebody else."

But he didn't want anyone else. He wanted Draco. All Harry ever wanted was to be loved back in the same way he loved Draco. All he wanted was to hold hands with, all he wanted was to travel the world with him, all he wanted was to go on dates with him, all he wanted was to love him freely, unconditionally, irresistibly.

But because he loved him perhaps that's why he had to suffer. He loved him so much that he even loved in share of Draco. He loved him enough to see him go on dates with someone else, he loved him enough to watch him hold hands with someone else, he loved him so much that he could watch him kiss someone else, he loved him enough to let him love someone else, he loved him enough to let him go. 

He gave his whole heart and that’s the hurtful form of loving he did. He didn’t expect to fall in love with, hell he didn’t even want to fall in love with him but how could he not when Draco made him happier than he had ever known, when he gave him a purpose at the end of everyday, when he made him feel things one only shows in the movies, when he made him feel warm, when he made him like a patch of sunlight in the winter mornings. How could not fall in love with someone like him? 

But he didn’t regret it, he didn’t regret loving him even a little bit because he was the best thing that happened to him, even if it never worked out. He didn’t regret it, not even a little bit because loving Draco was the most beautiful thing he had ever known and he knew he could love him his whole life. He loved him a little too much, but all that was his problem. He fell in love and he had to deal with it, even if it meant watching Draco be someone else’s. 

Because sometimes, love is painful. Love is terrifying. Love is taking a journey from which you may never come back. Because sometimes when you love someone, you look for a home but end up with storms. But Harry found his home, unfortunately it wasn't his to live in..

Tagging some people for the boost, please ignore <3

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This may have gotten personal... I want to cry how I don't like it anymore..

His lucky charm

YES, IT’S FLUFF Y’ALL.. FINALLY// also using this as an opportunity to flaunt my photography (the background is og)...

He searched and searched and searched. He literally flipped out his entire closet out to find that specific T-shirt, his Nirvana shirt that was his lucky charm, the one he wore on all the special occasions, he even wore it to his first date with Harry underneath his shirt. But right now for the life of him he couldn't find that specific T-shirt and he needed to leave in the next 15 minutes if he had to reach the portkey. It was a very important day for him and that job was once in a life time opportunity and he couldn't screw that up, he couldn't do it, he needed to get that job today but without his lucky t-shirt, he might never get that job. It was official that he was losing his mind.

He huffed as he put all the clothes back in his closet and resumed searching in Harry's closet to see if by mistake it has gotten in his closet but it wasn't there either. He groaned loudly and as a last resort went to search in the laundry if the t-shirt was there even though he knew that the last time he wore the shirt was 3 weeks ago and he vividly remembered keeping it in his closet. Unfortunately, it wasn't in the laundry either and he finally went to the bedroom again to ask Harry if he had seen his t-shirt.

"Harry." Draco called out and Harry groaned loudly, he was sleeping in late, again.

"Harry, just get up. I need your help, alright." Draco called out again and this time Harry groaned even more loudly.

"HARRY!" Draco called again and this time he took Harry's blanket away to get him out of the bed.

And.. There was his T-shirt.

"Will you just let me sleep. It's a fucking weekend, Draco." Harry loudly said as he rose up from the bed and collapsed back into the bed again, turning over.

"Harry, you're wearing my damning shirt." Draco pulled Harry up but Harry wrestled so Draco collapsed with him into the bed.

Harry wrapped his around Draco's waist and didn't let him get up, "a few more minutes babe." Harry softly said.

Draco rolled his eyes and tried to break free of his grip, "Harry, you're wearing my shirt and I need it."

"just wear another shirt." Harry mumbled.

"Harry, it's my lucky t-shirt-"

"I love this t-shirt, alright. Its comfortable. I'm not giving it back." Harry said opening his eyes and looking at Draco.

"But Harry-”

"Bullshit. I’m not giving it back. I’m already wearing it.” Harry groaned. 

“Harry, this shirt is important to me, please just give it back. Wear any other t-shirt of mine but just give this one back, it’s my lucky t-shirt. I won’t make it through the interview without it.” Draco explained turning so he was facing Harry. 

“You just think this shirt is your lucky charm when you don't even need any lucky shirt or any charm to get you through something-"

"No-"

"oh would you just- shush- you're the Lucky charm, baby. You don't need this shirt or a necklace or a watch to get your through anything. You are more than enough, Draco."

"But I do, I really do. Every time I’ve worn this shirt, I’ve never failed. I need it, Harry.” 

Harry huffed as he was fully awake now. He properly opened his eyes and saw Draco, 

“Okay, today what if, I give you this shirt and you wear it and you don’t make it through? What then? Would it turn into your unlucky t-shirt then?” 

Draco shrugged, “probably.” 

Harry rolled his eyes and got up, pulling Draco up too so they both were facing each other. He softly cupped Draco’s face and said, “You’re a dumbass to think all of that. Do you know how stupid you sound when you say something as insignificant as this t-shirt is your lucky charm? You are all the lucky charms you need, Draco. You are the luck you need. You are all you need to walk into that interview, impress the fuck out of them and get that damning job. This t-shirt might have made you believe that you got through because of this but the actual reason is you, the incredible, amazing, beautiful, talented you. Its the little things that are your lucky charms, like you are for me and you know why, because you’re my purpose. My main purpose. At the end of the day whatever I do is to spend more time with you, to make you happy and to be with you.. Like you are my lucky charm, Draco, you are also yours because you’re you and you don’t need anything else. You get me? I don’t care whatever you say but today you’re gonna go to that interview without this enormously comfortable t-shirt and still get that job because I know you will, because I have faith in you and you should have faith in yourself too. So, now you go and get that job and you make me proud while I finish my beauty sleep, okay?” 

Draco chuckled and in the moment’s of motivation he leaned forward and kissed Harry. He pressed his forehead against his own and said, “How the hell did I land up with someone as lazy and immensely incredible as you? What did I even do to deserve you?” 

“You are you. That’s made you have me, get me, deserve me, nothing less, nothing more and I am me, which is why I have you, which is why I deserve you.” Harry smiled. 

“For someone who haven’t had his morning coffee yet, you’re awfully positive.” Draco joked. 

“Oh trust me, honey, only for you, the rest of the world knows me as an asshole before coffee.” and they laughed. 

But when Draco did end up at that interview and when he absolutely nailed that interview, without the one thing he thought he needed, he was beyond proud of himself and extremely happy that he met Harry. 

When he came back home with all the baked cupcakes and saw Harry still sleeping in, he realised one thing, that t-shirt may have been his lucky charm in the past but now, the only lucky charm he needed was Harry. As long as he had Harry in his life, nothing could ever possibly go wrong because like Harry said, Draco gave him a purpose, Harry was Draco’s purpose. He was the reason that he woke up with a smile each morning and slept in the night, he was the reason he went to parks, he was the reason he loved people, he was the reason why all the air in the world seemed much better, he was the reason why the world seemed like a better place. 

So,as long as he had Harry in his life, nothing would ever go wrong and Draco had absolutely no plans on ever leaving Harry, ever. 

Tagging some people for the boost, please ignore <3

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Hiraeth

Mild hurt/comfort // word limit- 2.5k

Because Devil loves the angels and saint loves the sinners, I too love the poison, I too love the forbidden, and I too love the villain.  

"Let's begin, shall we Mr. Malfoy?" The lady in the grey suit asked.

Draco nodded despite that he was chipping his nail off while sitting in that comfortable chair in front of her.

"Are you sure? If you’re uncomfortable, do tell us."

Draco nodded again, "I'm good. This chair is awfully comfortable."

The lady smiled and then nodded.

The sound of reel being put into a camera and it being set up was heard quite clearly. He hated this place instantly. He hated this but he knew he had no other option.

"Can you sign this consent, it just includes that this meeting is recorded for safety purposes?"

Draco nodded and signed the consent.

"Then let's begin. You have known Mr.Potter for how long?" The lady asked.

Draco pulled himself inward and responded, "From as long as I can imagine. We first met at Hogwarts. We didn't get along throughout our school life but we did when we hinged back together while we started working, which was almost 2 years ago."

"That's quite a long time to know someone, don't you think so?"

Draco shrugged, "I don't think you can ever really truly know a person."

The lady nodded, perhaps agreeing or maybe acknowledging that Draco could've been right.

"Over the course of your friendship,you developed feelings for Mr. Potter, isn’t it so?” 

He nodded.

“So, when and how did you ever learn that you had feelings for him?"

Draco started to become a little more comfortable second and second and was starting to restore some confidence so that his voice didn't tremble anymore.

"I had pretty much always seen Harry as a friend, from the very moment we started working in the same office. It wasn't until we started working on Morgan's case that I realised that maybe I liked Harry more than just a friend, in a romantic way but I was never sure of how he felt about me, so I remained silent  and in denial for a long time. I think it was our 3rd week of working together on the case when I realised my feelings."

She nodded and noted down something in her note pad then asked again, "When did you finally accept that you wanted to be with him?"

"Maybe when I realised he saw us more than just friends. Back then we hadn't even confessed our feelings but we were dropping hints to one another and I caught on during that time that I accepted my feelings and wanted to be with him." Draco explained calmly.

"So, when that happened, when both of you confessed your feelings, what happened then?" She asked as though she was genuinely curious.

Draco's face lit up with a small smile as he remembered the early days, when there were all rainbows and daisies, when things were a lot less complex, "It was in the heat of the moment that it came up. We were having a random conversation at a party and I suddenly confessed, probably a little drunk but I did and so did he, but nothing really happened till after a week. We let things slide during that time."

"And what after that week?"

"He asked me out on a date. Maybe to get a rise out of him I had told him that I'm seeing someone that weekend though I was unsure and maybe it worked, so he asked me out on a date and I didn't deny but I told him the truth on the date." Draco shrugged.

“And how did that date go?” She asked. 

Draco smiled, “The best one I had ever been on.” 

“How was the beginning of your relationship with him?”

Draco looked at his feet for a while, his fingers twitching. He took a little pause, then replied, “As good as anything can be. It was like everything I could ever ask for. The beauty of being with him and then just knowing that I had him in my life. The beginning was the best part, in my opinion. We couldn’t get a hold off on each other and it was scary, the way that we fell in love so quickly but it was so beautiful. I never spoke out loud to Harry, not my fears for that matter but I always felt that everything was too good to be true back then. I had never met anyone like Harry, and I loved every second of it. It was- it was the best. I wouldn’t change anything about it.” 

She smiled, almost as if she knew what Draco was talking about. After all the beginnings are the most beautiful parts of the relationship. 

“How did he make you feel?” She asked, again. 

“I- He made me feel all the things I never knew I could feel,” Draco felt air choke in his lungs. It felt a little too much and his eyes cornered up with tears, 

“I was born and bought up to believe that love was for the weak, that love made you vulnerable but he- he made it feel like the strongest thing in the world. That if I loved him and he loved me back, I could win all the battles in the world,” he took a deep breath, a smile etching upon his face, “He made me feel beautiful, that I was worth something way more than the world saw me. That I had everything in my life, he made me feel, he made me happy like I was on top of the world and its funny to say but he made me feel as though I was better than everybody else because he was with me. He made me feel better. Being with him was like- being in a patch of sunlight on cold winter nights--, it felt like skating through ice, or sitting over a rainbow-, he made me feel like I was in some other world, the one I had always dreamed of. He made me, happy.” 

Draco chuckled as he felt tears prickle down his face.

“Tissue?” the lady offered and Draco took it and wiped those tears of. 

“We can take a short break if you want?” She asked with a low tilt of her head for emphasis. 

Draco shook his head, “I’m fine.” 

She nodded and continued, “Do you have any idea of how you made him feel?”

He shrugged, “I can’t be sure. It was what he felt right? How could I had possibly known? But I always wished that I made him feel the same way he made me feel, you know. That I made him happier, that I too made him feel loved, made him believe in love, made him feel worthy of all good things.” 

“Were there ever troubles in your relationship?” 

“Of course, we had fights every now and then-” 

“how did you overcome them?” 

“We used to talk about it. The problem was, I always felt as if I was the problem, so I used to constantly apologize. Maybe because I had fucked up so much in my past that I always felt that I would fuck it up and I did not want to lose him, at all but we still used to fight, mostly silly things. We only had one big fight, just once when I said things I didn’t mean and he did the same. We didn’t talk for a while but then we worked it out, I cried that day, so did he. We always worked things out. We believed in good communication.” Draco explained. 

She nodded and made a remark in her notepad once again, “Did you ever feel that he was growing distant at one point, that he ever pushed you away?”

Draco took a while to reply for that question. He nodded, “Only once. He had been working on some case and was returning home very late. I was starting to get worried and paranoid and he, I believe was maintaining a little space. It was in the beginning of the relationship.” 

“But you really loved Harry and do you think he loved you the same way? The same unconditional way that you did?” She asked, her voice more softer than before, as if it hurt her the same way. 

Draco smiled. He turned his head to see outside the window. It was a beautiful day outside, it was cold and foggy and it was raining but it was Draco’s favourite weather. He loved the rain, the pattering sound of water against the window, the earthly smell of mud, the petrichor, the sound of water hitting the road and the clouds tearing. He loved the rain. It made him feel calmer. 

“I think I loved him too much,” a pause, “I often find myself thinking that maybe I loved him more than I was supposed to, more than I let myself believe. I did love him unconditionally, a little too much but he was just that lovable. I gave him my all. But I think he loved me too, at least I think so. He said he did but I don’t know how much of it was true. Somewhere I hope he loved me the way he told me did.” 

“So, he made promises, a lot of them?” 

“No. I did not believe in promises,so, we never made any but it was all just words.” 

She took a little pause, drank a glass of water, offered Draco one too and then continued, “What's your fondest memory with him?” 

Draco smiled again, “Think you’re making me emotional on purpose.” 

The lady chuckled and shook her head. 

Draco nodded, “All of them, It sounds strange but all of them, from the first date to the last one, from first conversation as a couple to the last one, every single one of them. He’s the bane of many memories that I’ll cherish my whole life. I loved every single second I spent with him, every single one of them.” 

She smiled for a brief moment then perhaps as he profession has taught her, she turned serious and asked, “Would you had done anything in the world for him? Even if it was the most illegal thing in the world?”

The rain started pouring down more heavily after the thunder broke. The sound of the howling wind resonated the room and Draco despite that, found himself more calmer. 

He took a deep breath but did not break his gaze from watching the rain and finally said, “I’m afraid I might’ve. That’s what scares me, the love I had for him. If he had stood before me with a gun and asked me to kill someone for him, I fear I might’ve done it.” 

And even though the thought was scary, even though his answer was scary, they both knew Draco would’ve never done such a thing. 

But she didn’t feel disturbed at all, in fact she asked again, “Do you think Harry would've done anything for you In the world?” 

“I’m afraid so, yes.” 

“You said you had been with him for an year, how was that one year?” She asked as if taking the conversation to a lighter side again since it had turned dark too soon.

“It was- the best. What we had, what we turned into, I would never change any of it for the world. It was beautiful, waking up next to each other, going out together. Its funny to think of it but we never got bored of each other, its like I’d spend an entire day with him and the moment he’d leave, i’ll miss him immediately. It was all about the spark- the electricity-,” he took a pause, a knot forming in his throat, “but all of it, it seemed as if I had been with him forever. I’m sorry- I don’t mean to cry but it’s- I’m sorry.” he choked on his own tears. 

“We can come back to it later if you want?” 

Draco shook his head, he cleared his throat and spoke again, “No- it’s just a little overwhelming talking about Harry. He meant the world to me and now, I don’t know how to explain. It feels emptier without him and when I talk about him, it just rips something inside.” his tears didn’t stop even though he was trying to control it, he couldn’t stop it. Maybe it was all the memories rushing back to him or the emptiness, or his feelings for Harry which made it almost unbearable to breath. 

She nodded understandably and despite his denial, she gave him a little break. It was only moments later when Draco had calmed down further that she asked again, “Did you ever think about your future with him?” 

Draco nodded. 

“What did you see in your future?” 

He was fidgeting his fingers when he took a deep breath and finally looked up at her to respond, “It was never really clear, our future. Like I said, I somewhere always felt it was all too good to be true, so, I often felt like things would come to an end way before I would even realise it but I used to think of moving in with him one day and all these scenarios I had in my head with him, like how we’d get a dog together or how we’d go furniture shopping, or maybe one day we would just be celebrating us far away from everyone else. That image though, it was very vague. I could never fully imagine my future with him but I liked to think of being with him, a lot longer than I believed for.” 

“Do you think you would've eventually ended up being married to him? Did you ever think about it?“ 

Draco shook his head, “I never got that far, though I think I would’ve liked it one day.” 

“What's the one thing about him that you'll never forget?” she asked. 

Draco looked at the watch kept beside her on the table, it was ticking slowly or what seemed to him, or maybe it felt as though because this was the first time he was something so real in a really long time, or maybe it was entirely something else, he didn’t know. 

“What he gave me, what he taught me, his smile, his words, his love. I’ll never forget how I loved him, how he loved me but most of all how he made me feel because I don’t think anyone will ever make me feel the same way.” 

“why do you think so?” She asked as though that question wasn’t scripted, as if it had been her mere curiosity. 

Draco however shrugged, “I don’t know. I can never think of it. Its just something I know. Maybe- its because we all love differently and all my life I was searching for that kind of love, that I was searching for him and I didn’t even know and when I finally got it- when I got him, I feel as if, I’ll never be the same. I never quite understand the entire reason though.” 

“Did you ever think after a fight that you wanted to leave him alone and run away?” She asked, looking at her wrist watch. It was coming to a close. 

“Never.” 

“Why?” 

“You don’t runaway from Home, you never do unless it abandons you, and he felt like Home. No matter what happened, I still loved him more than anything and I could not imagine a life without him.” 

She finally took a deep breath, a long one and asked, “And did it feel real? Any of it?” 

Draco felt as though his entire world had crashed, stopped. That if his life was a continuum, but it stopped right there, in those differences, or in that space, in that time, in that room with that camera still video taping him. Did it feel real? Did Harry feel real? 

“It did. Even if it wasn’t all real, I know he could not have faked it all that much. You can’t fake that kind of love.” His eyes watered, his vision blurred and his voice trembled again. His hand shook. His legs shook and his brain as if slowed down. 

It was real. He told his own heart, It was real. It could not have been fake. It could not have been. Harry would not fake love.

And yet, he hoped... he hoped it was real because he wasn’t brave, he didn’t have faith in his own love to believe that it was all real. 

It felt real though, he couldn’t say it out loud. 

“That night, what changed?” She finally asked, her stare dead serious, unlike Draco’s. 

“Everything.”It came out as a low whisper. He wanted to run away now. He was done. He had answered enough. He wanted to go away. He knew what was coming, he knew what was next and he didn’t want to hear those words again, he didn’t want to. 

“How did you feel when you realised that Harry is a murderer?” 

And it stopped again, his world. 

She asked him again because perhaps she had asked him twice in 5 minutes and he had still not answered. He didn’t know how to. He didn’t believe it but the worst thing, he knew it was true. He knew it and that truth was bitter than all the poison in the world. 

That truth was poison itself and no bezoar could fix it. 

“My Harry could never be a murderer.” 

His Harry... 

This is also available on AO3.

Tagging some people for the boost, please ignore <3

@phoebe-delia @chinike @elenaxoxo22 @thecornerofbelu @nv-md @drarrywords @lilthislilthat @cissa-bee ​ @missdrarrydawn @harryandginnydeservesbetter @draco-lucious-potter ​ @ravena-wrote​ @textrovert-01​ @silver-de-vonne

Ps. writing this took me 4 hrs straight, don't let it go to waste <3

Risks involved

"what if it doesn't work out? What if one day she just realises she can do much better than me? What if one day she wakes up and realises she doesn't love me? And bigger what if she never loved me at all? What if at the end, all I'm left with is myself in a cheap motel with a small white dog, a few clothes and my car key, that's all? What if she says no? Merlin- I can't- I can't do this, Dad, I just know I can't. I should just get out of it before she does- it'll be much better--" and then it followed a bunch of gibberish words Albus kept talking to himself, maybe designing the future of what if.

Harry sighed as he saw his son frantically pacing the room. He had seen this so many times before but maybe this one felt more closer to home than the rest because it was family after all, tonight his life was going to change and somewhere Harry would always involved in that change but right now, he just wishes his son would just shut up for just one bloody second.

He saw Draco standing near the door, smiling at Harry with a thumbs up, teasing him just because he knew he could but when Draco left with a wink, Harry rolled his eyes knowing Draco wasn't going to come and help.

"Al- Son- Al, Al- ALBUS- shush-" Albus turned to face Harry, but his nails were in his mouth and he was continuously chewing his nails away like he did in nervousness and as distracting as it was, Harry let it slide for once and continued, "you're just nervous."

"But what if I'm right? What if I'm down on my knees and she makes a weird face and says no and it ends right there, whatever we have or what if she says yes but three days later she says no. What then? What if I'm right?" Albus was hyperventilating and Harry knew about it.

Harry shook his head and said, "and what if you're wrong? What if it's all in your head? No- shush- let me do the talking now. What if what you're left with is a yes when you're down on your knees and she says she wants to marry you and love you for all her life? What if she says she loves you and can't wait to marry you? What if at the end, it works out, all of it? What if it works out in the way that in the end you have a good wife, a nice family, a family dog, a house to grow old in, what if it all works out for the best and works out just the right way that the day you die, you know all your life was worth it? That you have no regrets by spending it with the one person you love the most in the whole goddamn world? What if in 40 years from now, it works out and you're sitting right where I'm sitting and saying this to your own child? That girl is out there, going through photo albums of yours that even we don't go through and pin pointing you in every picture, that girl is the same girl who got you a dragon plushie on your second date just because you said you had one just like that when you were a kid, it's the same girl who said I love you to you on your fifth date. She's in there for the long run, son and you gotta take your chance, take the risk because what if, it all works out? Then it would be wow, having everything you'd ever want, right there with you because you never know what a simple sentence can change. So tell me, do you want to get down on your knee and propose to the women you love or are you going to freak out like your daddy in the living room?"

"I do not just freak out in the living room, okay." Draco called out as he entered the living room where they both were.

"But if what I don't find what you guys have? You guys- just fit, you know and it works out for you, like it always have. What if I never find what you guys have?" Albus asked, his worries floating through the entirety of his being.

Harry chuckled looking at Draco, "Trust me Albus, I fought the entire world for this man and so can you. If you love her, if it's meant to work out then no matter what, no matter the consequences, you'll be together, forever even."

"He's not wrong you know. We may seem like we have it all together right now but there were so many risks involved, there was so much chaos, so much pressure, too much emotions attached. If only you had seen us fight literally everyone we knew just to have what if we have right now. Love is never supposed to be easy, but it's the person you're with who makes it easier and I'll bet a hundred galleons, she makes loving easier for you, too." Draco added as he came and stood behind Harry, his arms encircling his waist before he rested his chin over Harry's shoulder.

"but-"

"what if it works out Albus? You'll never know until you try. You took the risk to ask her out, you took the risk to fall in love, take this one too. Go out there, stop being so scared. It'll work out for you, believe me, it would. I know love when I see it and it is that." Harry reassured and in a few more seconds Albus nodded and started with his gibberish all over again before taking the white velvet box out of his pocket and smiled.

"I'm going to do it."

Harry and Draco smiled at him and encouraged him a little more before he went to the kitchen saying he needed a little water.

"He gets it from you, you know?" Harry said turning his head a little to see Draco.

Draco frowned as he turned Harry around, his hands still over his waist, "Get what from me?"

"The whole freaking out thing. This nervousness. He gets it from you. Remember how scared you were before proposing me that you almost collapsed on the floor when I was in shock." Harry teased.

"Yeah, well, you'd had been too when you're standing in front of the one you want everything with and that person is looking like he's solving Pythagoras theorem in his head."

And Harry let out a loud laugh because he knows he remembers the look on Draco's face when Harry was taking his time.

"But it doesn't matter you know?"

"Why?" Harry smiled.

"Because it worked out in the end. It worked in the way that I have someone I love, someone I will love for the rest of my life, someone I have a family with and have a family dog and cat with. It worked out in the end, after everything, every fight, every disaster, every risk, it all worked out and it makes me so happy that it all worked out with you." Draco smiled.

Harry nodded, smiling, "It was meant to work out. I'd had led into battles to have you, otherwise."

"Knowing you, you probably might've." Draco teased.

And they stared at each other for a while longer than 3 seconds and realised that even after years, they still saw each other as the young boys in love. To Harry, Draco would never be old, to him he would always be the 21 year Draco he fell hopelessly in love with and so did Draco. It's almost as if time never really moved, that all the time never really passed but all it ever did was pass, all the time had passed, all the years and yet they're still locked in time, in memory and in love.

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Mid summer in moonlit hours

This is my gift to @drarrywords. I just wanna say, thank you for sticking by, always and for being one of the best beta reader I could ever ask for. You’re a wonderful being, and I’m so glad we met even if sometimes I’m terrible at showing it. This is for you and I hope you like it. Happy birthday bestie, I love you.  

The first time it had came up in the conversation was when they were on a picnic in the park of Harry's neighborhood. They were only 3 months into dating then but Harry knew that it was everything he ever needed, it was those times when everything was just as perfect as it could ever. He had just returned with pretzels when he saw Draco playing with a dog. It wasn’t entirely a strange sight but it was definitely something new, it was sort of unlike Draco to him or maybe something along the lines that he didn't really expect Draco to be a dog person but he would've been a fool if he did not admit that seeing Draco with that dog was adorable.

As anyone would've done, Harry asked him if he ever have had a pet before and to his surprise Draco had said yes. 

“It was the cutest little thing. I still think about him a lot.” Draco had said with a smile, still playing with that dog. 

“Tell me more.” Harry had asked curiously with a smile. 

“Well, He never really stayed long enough for me to name him, say I was still trying to figure out what to call him because I just wanted it to be symbolic but unfortunately he didn’t stay with us long enough, he had to be sent away. But, you know, he was still one of the best things that ever happened to me. Its strange how it takes you months to get attached to a person and just few moments with puppies. Holding him in my arms for the first time, it just- felt like it was everything I ever wanted to hold and I never wanted to let go of him and oh- he was just so sweet. You know, he would just come up to me and lay in my lap whenever he’d want to get sleep and I’d sing to him and like the cutest little creature, he’d doze off, right in my arms. You know how they say that you get things in life right when you most need them, It was that time, having him was the best thing that happened to me during those times but saying goodbye, fuck you have no idea how hard it was, still makes me so sad to think of him and I just wish I wouldn’t but I tear up every time. He was like all the beautiful, bright things in this world, like the sunlight that melts the snow, like the warmth that wraps your heart in a cocoon and it just felt so safe, being with him even though he was literally defenseless,” Draco had chuckled, taking a small pause for a while, zoning out for mere seconds perhaps in the memory of him but then he came back and what he said next, just touched Harry more than he ever realised, “On the day that we had to send him back, he came to me, he curled in my lap and I had put everything aside, and I sang to him and for once, just that day he didn’t sleep, he just kept looking at me and with that look in his eyes, a part of me was just ripping apart but I didn’t want to stop singing. He just so sweetly pressed his nose into my hands when I was singing- I just- jeez, i’m sorry this got intense, I didn’t really mean to. I just really loved him.”

But to Harry it didn’t matter if it got intense or not, to him he could listen to Draco talk about that puppy forever and he couldn’t figure out why, but all he wanted was to bring back that puppy to him and make him happy again and he wanted to even hear Draco sing to the puppy. He could just picture him with that puppy and Harry loved that imagination. 

“It must’ve been so hard to let go.” Harry had finally said as he reached for his hand and rubbed little circles over it. 

Draco shook his head with a little smile,”Very hard.” 

Harry couldn’t help himself but kiss Draco’s hand as he held, he just wanted Draco to be alright, to be happy, again. 

“He’ll always be a part of you no matter what and you know what I think, I think you shouldn’t get sad thinking about him because he made you happy, right. And even if it does make you a little sad, he can still be all those things to you, the sunlight, the warmth, everything you ever said, you don’t have to let go of him because you only ever say goodbye to things you are going to forget but you are never going to forget him, so he’s just here, with you, always, in your heart besides I also think he wouldn’t really like to see you all sad over him, he’d want you to be happy.” Harry had tried to cheer up, but even he knew he was failing miserably at it. 

Draco however had chuckled, “That might be the most dorkiest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” 

“Well- I am a dork.” Harry shrugged. 

Draco fondly smiled at him and then finally said, “I don’t know, I think It’ll always feel a little sad just thinking about him but he makes me more nostalgic than anything else.” 

Harry had nodded, this time because he understood what Draco felt, even if he never really understood the intensity of it but he understood what letting go must’ve felt like, so, he finally said, kissing the inside of Draco’s palm, “I know.” 

But they never really talked about it after that, ever, and maybe it was better that way but ever since that day, thinking about that day was what Harry did more than often because that conversation had left him feeling nostalgic over what he never even had but mostly he wanted Draco to be with that dog again. He wanted something impossible but currently it was ages ago when they had that conversation. They were far ahead of only 3 months of dating, they had reached an entire year and it was Draco’s first birthday after they had moved in together and Harry had gotten him the best gift he could possibly think of. 

Harry had waited till the very end of the evening when everyone had left because he wanted it to be something just between him and Draco. So, then it happened, Harry bought his gift and presented it to Draco. 

“Now, before you open this, I just want to tell you, I love you okay and I just hope you like it.” 

And then Draco opened the soft unsealed box with a wooden basket and there laid that puppy Harry had bought him. 

“I know this isn’t anywhere close to the puppy you had but ever since that day, I just knew this is what I wanted to get you. I know it’s not the same but I hope you can love him as much as you loved your puppy.” 

“Harry-” Draco choked and he kept that basket aside for a single minute to hug Harry so tight that he was panting for breath once they broke apart, “I never thought you’d get me a puppy.” 

Harry shrugged but then he helped Draco to sit down on the couch and he knelt before him, taking his hands in his own and said, “Look, you know all those things you said about your puppy that day, how it made you feel warm, like sunlight and heart being wrapped in a cocoon and feeling safe, you make me feel those things too, in a totally different context and you can see i’m totally terrible at giving these speeches but- Draco- I just want you to know that I love you so much that I want you to feel those things again, with this one, with me by your side and I want you to sing that song to our puppy and I want to hear you sing, I want to watch you sing. I- I guess what I’m trying to say is somewhere along the lines that I want to look after this puppy with you, together and I want to see you happy with our it, too. Do you get what I mean? because I have no idea what I’m trying to-” 

“Shush- I love you too and I love this, okay?” Draco reassured Harry after cutting him off. Draco smiled at Harry and kissed his forehead because it was just hard not to at that moment. 

“I never thought you’d do this for me, but this gesture alone means a lot to me, like I can’t even explain. I love it so much, I wish I could truly explain but I’m so overwhelmed, I’m at loss of words, like really- Harry. I just wish I could explain-” 

“You don’t have to and you know what, we don’t even have to talk about it. Okay. Lets just- Do you want to just name him with me?” Harry asked as if it wasn’t a big deal but it was, it was a huge deal but the way Harry just asked made Draco chuckle. 

“Yes, I want to name him with you, Yes, yes, I do.” He said as though it was a proclamation to something and maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t but it didn’t matter because in that moment it made both of them so much more happier. 

“What should we name him then?” Draco asked. 

“Anything you want to call him.” Harry said with a smile. 

“Anything?” 

“Anything.” 

“Do you think he’s Louis?” Draco asked too innocently taking that puppy in his lap. 

Harry smiled with a nod, “He can be a Louis.” 

And then they called pet the puppy, they both called him Louis and like the sweetest little gesture the puppy nudged his nose into Draco’s palm. 

And It just fit, He was the most Louis he could ever be and it wasn’t just that, they all just fit in that small beautiful of a home, together, they all just fit.  

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Lily

Microfic word : Closet (request from Instagram)

"I've searched everywhere, okay. Under the table, under the couch, under the blankets, under the tables, every possible place. I can't find it." Harry sighed

Draco shook his head finally setting his book down, "did you check the closet?"

"how can it possibly be there?"

"I don't know. Does it make sense that it might be under the table, Harry." Draco raised his eyebrows at him.

Harry as usual, annoyed by his incredible husband rolled his eyes.

"would you just help me? I can't see shit."

Draco sighed and finally got up to help Harry look around or being the only one who could look around when in the middle of it all, Lily's door opened and she stumbled outside with her hair in a frenzy, her frock all coveted in paint and...

There it was. She was wearing Harry's specks.

"Think you missed a spot, Harry." Draco chuckled as he picked lily in his own arms and took off the glasses and gave them to Harry.

"Oh my eyes." Harry sighed in relief, walking away in glimmer of happiness of having his vision back.

"darling, whenever the next time you pull this trick, count me in on those plans. I love your daddy walking around like a blind cat in the house." Draco chuckled.

"can we do it tomorrow?"

Draco laughed and nodded his head.

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Till we crash and burn

For @drarrymicrofic : proof

We'll build the houses and we'll plant those trees, and we'll have that name plate with your and mine handprint like in your favourite movie, and we'll have your favourite stereo player, and we'll have your favourite crockery set, and we'll build that pillow fort and stay under the fairy lights, and we'll sit on our bed together and plan our trip together, and we'll do breakfast in bed and we'll take morning walks, and we'll make love in midnight summer. We'll do all of it, I'll do all of it as a proof of the love I have in me for you, I'll do all of it if I get to keep you with me in this life forever, and in the next and the next and the next... I'll do all of it if you never part from me and I never part from you, if we stay until the sun crashes and burns, if we stay until the moon collides.

Where you are, I am

Requested microfic word: pineapple

Their love isn't the "let's go on restaurant dates" or the "going on bed and breakfasts cafe" or the "sneaking in the middle of the night to meet each other" kinda love nor the "I wrote a song for you" kind of love or the "i wrote you a poem" type of love or the "let's meet up saturday" kind of love or the "i want to be together forever" kind of love or the "movie love" nor the "I'd take a bullet for you" kind of love.

No, that's not their love.

It's so much more, their love is "i wrote a letter for future us" kind of love, it's "I bought pineapple for you so we can make a juice because I know you like it" kind of love, it's the "let the song play on the radio, it's your favourite" kind of love, it's the "couldn't get the reservation, but I'll make food and it'll be so much more better than restaurants" kind of love, it's the "you see that constellation, yeah, me neither and laugh" kind of love, it's the "just hold my hand and we'll get out when you're mentally prepared to face people, okay" kind of love, its the "i fixed your cabinet screws because I know you wouldn't do it" kind of love, it's the "of course I have the shampoo you use, it's right by the cabinet" kind of love, its the "let's go shopping on Saturday, it's the only day in free" kind of love, it's the "you see that cat, i love it" kind of love, it's the "I want to walk down the isle with you" kind of love, it's the "I see us in the future" kind of love, it's the "well make it work" kind of love, it's the "let's just be in this place together, for however long this lasts" kind of love, it's the "let's define our always together" kind of love.

No, it's not a superficial, I'll do anything for you kind of love instead in a world of false promises, their love is the one they fight for everyday and make it work. Their love is the simple kind, with problems and fights. Their love is real. It's one where they stay, if forever be it.

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Reblogging this fic cause its already an year old 😭😭 (Seriously, i whole heartedly love this fic more than anything I've ever written in my whole life and your support just makes it all the more worth it).

I can't believe it's been an year to this fic 😭

31. Would you come back to me?

Prompt used- doing a pinky promise. This post have been inspired by one of @drarry-is-my-therapy recent reblog and one of @fqirycircle drawing, which is absolutely amazing. TW- ANGST | HURT/COMFORT | Harry’s heart had always belonged to the boy by the lake.

Keep reading

It's You

Microfic sentence : let the music guide us

Fluff (yes, fluff after a really long time)

"Exactly, so I told her that fairy tales aren't real. She was shocked but she caught on you know."

Draco chuckled lightly, "there goes her fantasies. Do you have any idea that you just ruined a child's childhood?"

"Oh, of course, but it was fun. You should've seen the reaction on her face- i must admit though that I feel guilty but come on, she's 9 years old and someone had to be that guy in her life who ruins stories for her. Though, I'm worried she's gonna be that person for teddy but we'll see about that- oh, and by the way, I have no idea what I'm doing, for all I know, I'm just sliding my feet." Harry explained trying his best to not entangle his legs with those of Draco's.

Draco in turn gave him a soft smile, the effortlessly beautiful smile Harry has fallen in love with infinite times, and charmed the stereo to play a slower song, "why are you so worried that you're dancing wrong?"

"Oh- let me guess, right, cause I'm dancing with the love of my life and I'm supposed to not embarrass him on the day of our wedding." Harry replied in a matter of fact voice.

Draco shook his head and bought them closer so they were inches away from each other and looked into his eyes. He rested his hand perfectly over Harry's waist and said, "So, big deal? You embarrass me for 5 minutes, everyone would forget it and funny of you to assume I don't have a backup option-"

"Hey- that's just mean." But Draco only laughed out loud and Harry himself couldn't hold back and laughed along with him.

"I hope you don't have a back up husband stored somewhere in the closet." Harry teased fixing the collar of Draco's shirt.

"Yeah- no, definitely not, but I would really suggest not opening the attic closet." Draco joked along.

"Funny- haha- sorry but I hear my heart shattering in that closet."

But Draco didn't say anything else, instead he pressed his forehead against Harry and that was all he needed, the reassurance in silence that Draco gave him. It was his way of saying "it's only you" without actually saying it, the few words that Harry needed to hear somedays but didn't want to seem needy of it.

They swayed for a while with their foreheads pressed together and fingers intertwined in between their torso's.

"You can never embarrass me, Harry."

"Really?"

"Never?"

"Never."

And Harry smiled and leaned in to kiss Draco.

"I'm the luckiest man alive." Harry finally said.

Draco's eyes glimmered for a second because he couldn't wrap his head around the surrealism of their whole story. They were getting married and he swore that his young self never saw it happening but it is and that's the most unbelievable thing that's ever happened to him and yet he wouldn't trade it for the world.

"Not luckier than me."

"Do you really have to be this cheesy?"

"Says who said it first." Draco emphasised by hitting Harry over his chest lightly but they so quickly shifted into laughing that forgot for minutes that music was even there and that they were on a rooftop of the hotel away from everyone else.

It was now Harry's turn to stare into Draco's eyes and feel grateful. Yep, definitely, the luckiest man alive.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"In this life and another."

"In this universe and all other."

And then they just stood there staring at each other with a heart full of warmth and love for one another. It was real, that night was real, this moment was real and tomorrow was going to be real too but to Harry the most real thing ever was his love for Draco, and Draco's for Harry. Everyone can talk about how they had the greatest love story ever, but this, goddamn, the most real thing and best ever.

Harry kept looking for a moment longer than one and then finally said, "okay, but seriously I don't want to be embarrassed, so show me."

Draco smiled at Harry, then slowly he readjusted Harry's hand and said, "eyes on me, move with me and the let the music guide us."

And then they tried again only for Harry to mess up again.

"Seriously, you are so going to need a backup dancer. I'm not even worried anymore, if I were you, I'd definitely get one." Harry sarcastically said shrugging.

Draco laughed and bought Harry's hand to his lips and kissed if softly, "I don't need any backup dancers or anyone, I want to dance with you and I will even if it means you trip and fall and take me down with you. I'll take that fall with you. I, Draco Malfoy take you in your terrible dancing, for my whole life."

Harry shook his head but this time out of fondness for the man he's gonna spend the rest of his life with, "good luck with that."

But Draco didn't need any good luck, he already had everything he ever wanted, right there in front of him and he was going to have it for the rest of his life, too and he could not be more happy.

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Come back home

He didn't intend on listening, that wasn't even on his list, nor was he eavesdropping but he was simply passing by like a usual passerby and he couldn't stop himself from listening to what the man inside the room was speaking. He recognized his voice at once, he had been so familiar with it from all those years ago and he swore that he would never be able to forget that voice, even in his dreams. You don’t forget people like him. 

What struck to him was how he found him after all those months from his reappearance. The last he had heard about him was when he was in Peru, backpacking in the foothills and that too he heard because he had managed to save someone from accidental magic and the words had spread like fire. He didn't know what he did after that, nor he thinks he knew what he was doing before the Peru incident and strangely he wishes he knew. Apparently, he was a mere shadow in almost everyone's life, mostly Draco’s own.

He opened the door softly and without much of a notice, he shifted towards the back seats of the room as silently as possible. He whispered to make some seat available for him and when finally sat, a relief ran through him that he was able to see his face, he didn’t know he longed to see his face. 

A hand raised in the crowd and Harry pointed towards the person to speak up. 

“Hi, I’m Riana. Since we were talking about main themes like love, I had something to share. I’m young, you see, so everyone fails to notice that I too can love, but I have fallen in love with someone, unfortunately one I should not love but I feel as if nobody would understand me and even if I do talk about it, I feel like I’m faulty, like I am making a big deal out of something I should never make. But why must it be that it’s me who is wrong to love and not him that I fell for? Why must it be that I still feel happy despite this pain that I feel? I don’t want to be wrong to love but I feel like I am, like I’ve been wrong my whole life.” 

Harry smiled softly sitting on his chair and shook his head, “Why must love have anything to do with age? Doesn’t a child love his or her mother from the moment it’s been put in her arms? Why do we have to define love as young or old, why do we need to define it. Love is love, regardless of age, sex, number, people, identity, nation. Its love. Riana, you love him and that’s neither here nor there that is wrong, it’s not your hearts fault to pursue love, it’s not himself that made you fall for him, that’s the thing about love, isn’t it, it just happens. I’m sure nobody in life ever asks to fall in love voluntarily, nobody who actually falls in love seeks love as an object, but we fall in love regardless. Love is without boundaries, it always has been, it’s we who make boundaries, our own fears, our own insecurities that forbid loving. We don’t decide who we fall for, we simply do, maybe for some beautiful grey eyes or someone’s beautiful hair, or smile or dimples. We don’t decide, we can never decide who we are going to meet, we just do and then, there goes our traitorous heart, seeking who wish we had never seek but who we love, despite what they do to us, makes us happy. That’s the most beautiful thing about love.” 

He glanced around the room for a brief moment and Draco ducked his head, not knowing why but he did, maybe because he felt illegal to be there but couldn’t exactly reason why. He knew he wasn't ready to face him in the crowd.

“We love unconditionally, we always have I believe. Why it hurts? Its because we love, and if we love, there will always be pain. Falling in love isn’t a mundane thing, we want it to work, we want to be liked, we wish to be wanted, it’s bigger than all of us combined, the difference is some gets to feel the intensity, some doesn’t. Lucky are those who gets to, unlucky are those who doesn’t get to, those who at the end of the day walk alone on their way to Eiffel tower but then you must ask me why is it so important that we love? Why is love such a big thing?” He smiled momentarily then spoke again, “Its because, since we learn the meaning of the word love, we look for it in things, in magic, in books, in flowers, in trees, in people and out of everything, only humans and animals loves us back and it hurts us when we don’t feel the returned love. I suppose loving should always be a choice, but most days its not, but never fear love, never look for faults in someone you love because maybe in years later, you’ll look in the mirror and their face would look back to you in reflection and then when you’d see them, you’d wonder, why was I so afraid to love? It was just love wasn’t it. As I see, I’ve sidelined from what we were actually talking about,” The crowd emerged in a soft laughter, so did Harry and Draco could find himself smiling. 

“Riana, this is for you, If you’ve loved him, love him entirely, It’ll hurt, it’ll make you want to kill, but if it doesn’t hurt, it’s not love and loving is rare. Believe me, not everyone can love and we cannot love everyone. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved if you must think, but expecting it to come back from the same person always, that’s a tragedy even Aristotle couldn’t talk about. So, I guess what I'm saying is don’t worry, your love would come to you, in the most unexpected ways possible.” And at the end Harry smiled. 

The convention eventually ended after that soon enough and no matter how much Draco had to fight his instincts, he couldn’t help and went upto Harry anyways. 

Harry had been collecting some sort of pamphlets and organising them on a stack on the table when Draco finally said something. 

“You make quite a speaker.” 

As Harry looked up, he was half shocked to find Draco there and half shocked to believe they met again after years at his own convention, “You gotta earn somehow.” 

Draco smiled, nodding his head along, “Yeah, Wizarding world is in debt anyhow,” 

“Really?” 

“No- I was only kidding.” Draco shook his head, playing off his joke. 

“Uhm, so what are you doing at this convention?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one to ask you that question? You’ve been in hiding for years now.” If Draco was trying to dig out some old bridges, Harry caught on. 

“If you want to call living my life my way hiding, then sure, I've been in hiding." Harry shrugged.

Draco sighed, helping Harry with a pamphlet that didn't need any help, "You know what I mean, Harry. You've been on a run, you ran away with so many questions unanswered."

Harry looked at Draco for a long moment before he could bring himself to say it, "I didn't run away from you if you think that's what I did,"

"But that's exactly what you did, you ran away from me, from Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Teddy.."

It struck Harry then maybe or maybe it was the guilt that ran as a glimpse in his eyes of what he had done or perhaps it was just a truth thrown at his face one more time. He stepped away from the table and collected his bag from the chair as if he was to depart very soon.

"Aren't you tired?"

Draco could only look at Harry's back but he knew what Harry wanted to say, he always knew, even back then.

"They all miss you, you know that right."

"And I don't?" Harry turned around.

Draco shrugged, "We don't run away from people we love, Harry, that's all I'm saying. I know you miss them too but why keep running away If you miss all of them!"

Harry sighed, shaking his head, "I've been running for a long time, Draco. I don't even know if I belong here anymore, If I belong with you people now."

"What are you talking about? You know you'll always belong here."

"They're all pissed. Don't you think I know them, I'm afraid to face them." Harry confessed.

"Harry, you'll be afraid of facing them for a minute, maybe a couple even but nobody would abandon you,"

"But what if they do?"

"You grew up with them, Harry. How can you not know this? They've always loved you, always will. Their anger is nothing but love for you. You don't see the way Ron still reads newspaper because of you and when that Peru thing happened, he took the next train there just to find you. Harry, they would never abandon you." Draco explained stepping closer to him.

Harry still shook his head unable to find anymore argument, "I guess you're right."

Draco nodded then as if he pretended to notice the time in his wrist he spoke up, "I should actually get going, I have to take the next train home."

Harry nodded understandably and nodded good-bye but perhaps that was not when he wanted to say goodbye, maybe there was something still left, so he asked as Draco was turning away, "Did you ever miss me?"

Draco turned around again to face Harry and shrugged his shoulders, "Every now and then."

But the truth was he missed him every living day, every breathing night, every sunrise, every sunset. He missed him, an awful lot but time had run out for him to admit that he missed someone he hadn't met in 4 years.

"I hope you know I never wanted to leave things the way I left."

Draco smiled, then nodded, "I know."

But even if he didn't, Draco understood. He didn't sleep many nights but he always knew that Harry Potter could hardly ever break his heart all that much. He always Harry had a reason, even before anyone else understood it.

"I wanted it, I really did but thing's.."

"There was never a moment I didn't know you didn't want it but I suppose something's were always much larger than the need to date someone. In any case even if all that wasn't clear before, I know it now, especially after listening to everything you said at the convention." Draco smiled.

Harry smiled back and nervously rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah- I don't forget things easily, you know that."

Draco nodded, implying he did know it.

"I should go." Draco said again and this time he was almost at the door when he had one last thing to say,

"Harry, come back home. You know right where it is."

Harry was stunned for what seemed like moments because he didn't expect Draco to remember it from all those years ago. It was him who used to say that home is people, it's never places and when you lose your way, you know right where your home is but along the lines Harry expected Draco to forget it, but he didn't and that hit him, that made him want to run miles for home.

"Do you think you'd want to go to that Bistro with me now? Down the alley?" Harry asked.

Draco was shook but his surprise quickly shifted to a smile and he shook his head, "That turned down last year but I do have a place in mind, if you want we can go there? This weekend works?"

"Sure."

Draco smiled, "It'll be nice to see you back."

And he left the room and for the last time he left the room without a worry if he'll say Harry again or not, he knew he would.

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Roads that lead back home

Microfic word: Always

No, he didn't expect he'd be here. This was the last place be expected himself to find but Harry had already fled off, left and the thing about Harry was, its that if he didn’t want people to find him, he’d do a great job at being lost, so, almost no one had his whereabouts and partially Draco thought it was better that way.

But it was one stupid drunk night where his system was intoxicated and he knew right now there was nothing more than wanting Harry back but he had no idea how to and if Harry would even want him back anymore.

But, there he was with a chance of hope or faith or anything for that matter, At Hermione's house, his last resort.

"Can I get you a cup of coffee?" Hermione asked as she peered through her kitchen window.

Draco softly shook his head, "Water is fine."

Hermione nodded instantly and fetched him just water.

As she gave him the water, she stood there for a few seconds, trying to muster the courage to ask him what's his reason, why after all this time he was here and why now.

"I made a mistake." Draco finally said, setting aside the glass of water while staring at the floor long enough that he could burn holes in it.

Hermione then found herself asking, "How do you know?"

"Because I've let the best thing that ever happened to me walk away without fight." Draco finally said raising his head to look up at Hermione.

She sighed and sat down on the couch on the opposite side, "Not going to sugarcoat but you may have."

"How could I let that happen?"

Hermione simply shrugged, "We as humans take things, people, time for granted."

"But I don't want to take him for granted. I never did but-I- I let him walk away." Draco's voice tremored, "I didn't want him to walk away from me, ever."

"Then why did you?" She asked as politely, as carefully as she could.

Draco shook his head, "I thought he deserved better.. I always thought he did but I let it get to me. Maybe there's always going to be someone better than me for him but I want to be with him, always. We didn't have an ordinary kind of love, we had something beautiful- and it was so much more better than I ever could have gotten but I had it, I really had it and it doesn't matter if I deserved it or not, I just want Harry to be happy, I want to make him happy."

"Then why are you here?" She asked.

Draco shook his head, "I think I'm afraid that he wouldn't want to listen to me."

"If you never tell him, he'd never know."

"but why would he even want to hear me out anymore?" He asked.

"Because I've seen Harry in love before," She took a pause to smile at Draco, then continued, "and as much as I hate to admit it, I've seen him the happiest with you, despite everything. Because I know he would want to hear you out and even if he doesn't, make him listen to you because he may not admit it but he wants to be with you too, always as you say it."

"You really think so?"

She nodded.

"where do I find him?"

"I think if anyone should know where he is, it should be you."

But that’s the thing, he didn’t know, he really didn’t. He wanted to place all his bets, all his options, all his thoughts into figuring out the place Harry might be at but he didn’t know. He knew Harry didn’t want to be found, so, how was he to know where he might be? 

“But I don’t.” 

Hermione smiled lightly at Draco and then said, “When you run out of all options, follow your heart, It’ll always lead you there. I know something that can help you, I can give you something that would lead you to him but he’s my best friend and if you really love him as much as you say you do, then the answer is right with you and you need not look anywhere but follow your heart.” 

Draco could bet a 100% she sounded like a riddle lady, maybe a couple of years earlier he’d have laughed at it and ridiculed about it but right now he couldn’t place one reason to think that Hermione was being tough at the moment. 

If anything, Draco knew he was alone, in all of this, he was alone. 

He left her house a couple of minutes later hoping he knew where to find Harry but he walked a couple miles in the September wind not knowing even for a split second where he should go. He thought maybe even giving up would be better but he knew better than to give up, he can’t and he doesn’t want to. He went around the edge of the road, tired out of his limbs, sat on one of the benches under the street light and breathed. He felt a freckle of cold air pass by and he felt colder than he did in that plain white shirt he wore so often. 

He sat there for a while, under the spotlight of the street light going through almost all the memories he had with Harry and trying to find the answer, trying to find a conversation where Harry might have ever mentioned going whenever he wanted to escape but maybe they never had that conversation, maybe they never talked about it. He felt lost but just then, right at that second, an ice cream vendor passed through the street with his cart saying “From the hills,” and even though it made no sense, it hit Draco and without even a moment’s hesitation he disapparated and Merlin, was he right. 

The lights on the top floor were flickering and Draco very well assumed Harry actually didn’t know about it because he could see the lights of the living room turned on. He cautiously went around the circle and saw that Harry was sitting on the arm chair in fact reading a book that Draco had multiple times suggested but had never read. 

It was in that moment Draco truly wondered if he should go in or walk away right now but walking away then meant to never have Harry again and not walking away meant facing a rejection from him that he was so sure of getting but he thought only of Hermione’s words and he took his shot and knocked on the door. 

It took him a while but the door opened with Harry holding up his wand as a matter of defense and Draco standing there, gazing at him as defenseless as possible. 

“You.” 

Draco couldn’t say anything, he just stood there, staring at Harry. 

“How did you know I was at the burrow?” 

“When nothing makes sense, home always does, right?” Harry had said that and Draco had forgotten about it until he had seen that ice cream vendor. There was only one home Harry had ever known and it was this. If Harry was impressed, shocked or surprised, Draco couldn’t tell but one thing was sure, him being here was unexpected for Harry. 

“Why are you here?” Harry finally asked.

“For you.” 

“Isn’t it a little late for that, Draco.” Harry narrowed his eyes at him for a moment then turned away to walk inside but it was as though Draco didn’t want to follow in. 

“You always said it’s never too late or was it just words?” 

Harry turned around immediately, almost agitated, “I don’t know, Draco. It was all just words to you when you gave up on us when you said you wouldn’t, when you broke the promises you said you wouldn’t break.” 

“But did I? Did I really give up on us? Did I really the break any promises, Harry? I’m standing here, in the middle of a random night, someone who gave up wouldn’t do this.” 

Harry shook his head, “No, but you gave up when it was most important for us to stick together. The bottom line is Draco, when we had to fight together, we fought against one another. That’s what someone who gave up does.” 

“But- Harry- you may have given up, I haven’t. I was lost, okay, I was lost for a while, I lost my ways, I lost the reasons to hold on, I lost my reasons to remember that it’s us against the world but I’m here right now.” 

“And suddenly you being here is going to fix everything?” 

Draco shook his head, “No, a hundred percent not. I’m not expecting you to forget about all of it and forgive me but I want you to hear me out,” 

“Hear out what, Draco? What’s there to say? We gave up, on each other.” 

“That I love you. Yes, Harry, I do love you still, always will and you know why? Its because you are the only person in my entire life who ever saw me for me, way before anyone else ever did." He took a pause and focused on the way Harry's expressions relaxed somehow and the way he seemed much welcoming than he did a moment ago.

"I know, Harry that I made it hard for you to believe that I still love you but I do. I never even stopped and the truth is I don't even want to stop because stopping loving you is having a future without you and damn me in hell, I don't even like the sound of that future. You are my past, present and I want you to be my future. I don't want to give up on us because Harry I want to wake up next to you, everyday and tell you that I love you and I want to sleep every night knowing I'm doing it in your arms, I want to bake cookies with you, I want to kiss you before I go and I want to come home to you, I want to travel the world with you, watch sunsets with you, I want to buy all my firsts with you. I want you, Harry, more than I've ever wanted anyone in my entire life. I would go hell and beyond to prove you how much I love you but I don't want to because I know our love is stronger than wanting to prove just how strong it is. You are the only real thing in my life, you're the only one who makes sense and I know I made mistakes, I know I gave up when I should not have but it was only because I thought you could do so much more better than me. I know you told me repeatedly but- Harry- it's easiest for me to imagine someone out there made much better for you, much better suited you.."

"But, Draco- I told you, I do want you. Always.-"

"I know, Harry. I get it now but even if I don't, I don't care if someone is better suited for you or not, I want you to be happy but I want to be the reason to make you happy, I want to be the reason you smile every day. I'm far from perfect and I know that but I want to the best of myself for you and it took me a while to get all of this but I understand it now. You can do better than me but I can't do better than you. I don't want anyone of us to have someone other than us." A tear slipped down Draco's eye's unconsciously. He had opened his wound, he had cut his own flesh again and he was bleeding and he was setting it in front of Harry to cure it, hoping he would fix his wounds.

Harry shook his head and walked toward Draco, "Draco, How many time have I told you that I want no one but you but you don't get it, do you? Fuck having better than you, you're the best I have. You're everything I've ever wanted, everything I need. I can't do any better than you because you are the best and I love you too, okay. Stop crying- gosh- we've only been away for a few weeks." But Harry didn't do much great at holding his tears back, his own voice was breaking, he himself was choking up and it would only take a blow for him to cry as well. He opened his arms and immediately wrapped it around Draco's body, embracing a shaking Draco and rubbing his back.

"But these weeks apart from you were hell. Being away from you was hell and I don't ever want to do that again, Harry, ever. It showed me how the rest of my life would look like and I don't want a life without you, Harry. I don't. You complete me."

Harry chuckled at Draco but he himself started crying soon because in all the days he spent away from Draco, he hated it with everything in him. He kept on constantly doing things, buying things that would remind him of Draco because he couldn't let go of Draco, he didn't even want to because in the short span of time they've been together, Draco has become his entire world and he really wouldn't have it any other way.

"Why couldn't you had realised all this weeks ago? We wouldn't have wasted so much time." Harry said at last.

"If I did, we wouldn't be here."

And it was true.

They finally separated from the hug but didn't move away at all. They openly stared at each other's faces, missing everything and embracing everything again.

"So, what now?" Draco asked.

Harry smiled at him and slowly kissed his forehead, "We figure it out."

"I like the sound of it." And he did.

And despite everything, Draco was glad to be home.

Tagging some of y'all for a boost, don't hesitate if you're uncomfortable with the tag <3

@phoebe-delia ​ @chinike @elenaxoxo22 ​ @thecornerofbelu @nv-md ​ @lilthislilthat ​ @cissa-bee @missdrarrydawn @harryandginnydeservesbetter @draco-lucious-potter ​ ​ @textrovert-01 @drarrywords

Blankets in living room

I know this isn't exactly the best of what I could write but I wrote this as a fast request for my dearest dumbass who got sick <3 (@drarrywords ) I hope you like it// fluff//

"hello?"

"Draco, can you do me a favour-"

"You're sick, aren't you?"

Harry huffed on the other end of the phone, he knew there was no way he could pretend to be fine and get away with it cause Draco already caught him in his act, he was going to anyways.

"Harry?"

"Yeah fine, I am. I caught a cold last weekend and now I just have fever."

Draco didn't say anything for a minute but Harry could bet 100 percent that it was because he was packing up everything at his office to come to him.

"Draco?"

"I'm coming over and don't you dare move from your bed. I have the spare key, I'll get in myself. Stay under blankets, wear something cozy, get comfortable. You better be under blankets when I come over, Harry."

Harry grinned on his side and simply replied, "Yes, sir."

"It's not funny, Harry. You don't realise how low regard you have of yourself." Draco huffed.

Harry heard the clinking of the keys on Draco's side which meant he was going to be there very soon.

"I never said it's funny and I do have regard for myself."

"You do not. Shush- I'm coming over."

And within minutes Draco was at his place and like he said, he entered with the spare key he had and the first thing he did was enter his bedroom and checked Harry's temperature.

"Hello to you too." Harry finally said.

Draco set the thermometer aside and said, "This is not good, Harry. Why didn't you tell me before that you didn't feel good enough? I would've bought you some soup and- gosh you went to work yesterday, right? When you knew you were about to get sick, why would you? You know what I actually should've known, you didn't even sound well last night on the call. Sometimes I swear Harry, you make the dumbest move and the worst part is you don't even care for your own self, you hardly ever do and I keep telling you to take care of yourself but no, you don't even want to listen to me. Happy now that you're sick and have to stay under this pile of blanket for 3 days?"

"3 days?"

"Do I look like someone who's gonna let you move from your bed until you're absolutely fine?" The fact that Draco had a deadpanned look on his face made it all the more funnier.

"Draco, you don't have to do this you know-"

"Are you really that dumb? Who's going to take care of you if I leave?"

"I can take care of myself."

Draco rolled his eyes and kissed his cheeks, "You really can't."

"I can."

Draco just shook his head and tucked Harry into the blankets, checked his socks and went outside the room leaving Harry be for some time and when he came back, he came back with a bowl of soup.

"You better finish all of this. I know you didn't eat well at all."

Draco helped Harry sit straighter, pushing pillows behind his back and he himself sat by his side.

"Draco?"

"Yeah?"

"You really don't have to do-"

"Soup." And he didn't let Harry talk anymore.

After drinking the entirety of soup and giving him his medicine, Draco tucked Harry back in again.

"Just rest now, I'll take care of the rest."

Harry smiled lightly at Draco because he knew exactly what Draco actually felt like. Despite that Draco was 100 percent pissed, annoyed even, there was not a single shred of him that didn't care for Harry with whole of his heart. This was just the way Draco showed how much he cared and this was something Harry only came to learn after a few months of dating when he got in an accident. The thing with Draco was, he would seem annoyed, angry even and probably say a bunch of things but what he truly ever meant was that he cared so much that seeing Harry being sick made him angry that it happened in the first place and right now wasn't much different. Draco was saying bunch of stuff, rambling even, annoyed that is only because he cared for Harry so much that he didn't even know how to express. Of course his love language was weird but that was Draco.

After that, Harry passed out for what seemed like hours and when he did finally wake up, he checked up on Draco first who was sitting outside on the couch, resting his eyes.

"Draco, you can go home."

Draco instantly looked up, "Harry, why are you outside your bed? You can't come out here, it's cold-"

But Harry came and sat down next to Draco, "You can relax. I feel much better now."

"Harry but still-"

"I'm tired of being in the bed and I want to be with you, of course I'm not getting close to you because you'll catch it too but I want to be around you and just please, you don't have act all mad because you and I both know you're not actually mad. It's okay, I got sick, I'll get better as well."

Draco stared at Harry for a moment before he dropped his whole act and moved closer to Harry and wrapped his arms around him.

"I'm just worried."

"I know."

"Draco- you'll catch it-"

"Shush."

And Harry laughed knowing he couldn't do anything else but to let Draco be there because he was just that stubborn.

"I'm not acting mad by the way, i really am mad. You have zero regard for your own self."

"Yeah, but then I have you to take care of me, right." Harry smiled.

Draco chuckled beside him and pulled him even closer as they got more comfortable on the couch, "You always do." And it was true, he always did.

They didn't speak anything after that but just stayed close to each other on the couch, holding close, knowing this is exactly what both of them needed before Harry tried to get distant again only for Draco to pull him back again.

"You really should stay away from me. You'll get sick."

"It'll be worth it."

"I love you."

"I love you too, dumbass."

Harry couldn't control his smile anymore, nor did he try to get anymore distant because it was absolutely useless and also because he loved this idiot more than he ever realised, more than he ever said. He just did.

And Draco did him.

Tagging some of y'all for a boost, don't hesitate if you're uncomfortable with the tag <3

@phoebe-delia ​ @chinike @elenaxoxo22 ​ @thecornerofbelu @nv-md ​ @lilthislilthat ​ @cissa-bee @missdrarrydawn @harryandginnydeservesbetter @draco-lucious-potter ​ ​ @textrovert-01 @dearly-devoted-dawdler

Devil wears Prada and wine?

Fluff // Because my sleep schedule is ruined within a week of staying at home and I told this dumbass I'd write for her, so here it is... (@drarrywords happy now?)

"Thank you guys for coming over, it was all really beautiful, I couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate it." Harry said as his friends started walking out of the door.

Yes, Harry got appointed as Head Auror, the post he's been trying to reach for weeks, month's even. This was his ultimate goal and only he knew how much he had to work his ass off for that one position and he celebrated that night with his friends with some champagne, wine and the best food in town and this was finally the time when all his friends left. He really couldn't have asked for better friends.

"We really went through 6 bottles of wine today." Finally Draco said as he cleaned up the table.

Harry sighed as he walked towards Draco and helped clear up the table as well, "Yeah, that's still less for a celebration. If this celebration was exhausting, imagine actually throwing a party with all the office peers. I'm dreading it already."

Draco chuckled coming out of the kitchen with napkins, "yeah, well sir you should, you're a big man now. These parties are going to be really frequent from now on."

Harry pulled a chair out of the dining table and said as he sat down, "no way out, huh?"

Draco shook his head with a smile, "not anymore."

"Do you think I made the wrong choice?" Harry asked suddenly.

Draco stopped wiping the table off for a moment and looked at Harry with a frown, "Wrong choice? Why would you say that?"

"I don't know, I never thought about it all that much but it's coming to me now that it's all going to be really exhausting, working on the field, then coming back and handling the office. Blaise even pointed out the other day that Bailey leaves his office at 7 in the evening, to think about it, Draco, imagine his life, no wonder he's so happy retiring now- I don't know, maybe, I'm just having second thoughts- maybe I won't be able to manage all of it and I only did it because I thought I could but it's all becoming real now." Harry shrugged. He'd be lying if he said these fears didn't linger in the back of his head but for the first time, he spoke these things out loud with the only man he ever trusted the most.

Draco frowned and sat down in the chair next to Harry's and asked, "I don't get it, you've never been afraid of responsibilities, why suddenly?"

"It's not responsibilities I'm afraid of, it's everything else, the expectations, the work and I didn't want to say it but I fear I won't have enough time for anything anymore, to go out on weekends with Ron, meet Teddy on Sunday brunch, spend time with you, I feel like it'll all slip away from my hands eventually and the more I think about it, the more I realise that it already is slipping away. I don't want to get into work and regret it." Harry shrugged as if it was very casual thing to say but even he knew he was very scared for all of it.

"Harry, you're just fearing change."

"very much."

Draco pulled his chair closer to Harry and took Harry's hand in his own and said, "I have known you for years and I know you fear that something might go wrong and you'll fuck up but you don't realise that you won't mess up. Messing up isn't your thing, Harry. I know you're scared of everything but it'll all be fine, you don't have to start thinking about things immediately, you just got the offer of being the Head Auror, Harry-"

"But-"

"No, be here, in the moment. You've wanted to do this ever since you were 15 and I can't imagine one person who knew what they wanted to do since they were 15, it's a big deal, you've always wanted this. You've always liked being an Auror, you've always loved being on the field, you've always loved being James bond and catching bad guys,"

Harry chuckled lightly and Draco smiled at him,

"I mean no way you're as cool as James Bond, but you're good enough." Harry hit him lightly on his arms and Draco let out a low chuckle.

"But what if I'm not cut out for this?" Harry asked after a while.

"It's fine if you're not. You have your whole life ahead of you, Harry. You can be anything you want to be. You don't always have to fit in, you don't always have to be the best guy or the guy who has it all figured out. So what, if in 2 month's you realise that being Head Auror isn't as appealing, you can always change your job, take up another post. You can't always know exactly what you want. You have endless possibilities and you are never going to run out of time, okay, not with people that you care about."

"okay, yes all that is fine, but what if I won't be able to manage giving time to people I actually care about?"

"If they all care about you as well, they'll understand. Look, we'll drive down every Saturday to meet Teddy, you can always meet Ron on Friday night's for the game, discuss how shitty both of your lives are. What I'm saying is, you'll just be fine. I know you're scared and worried but it's all going to be fine. You can enjoy the moment right now." Draco tried to reassure Harry as he ran circles on his palm with his thumb.

Harry sighed as he relaxed a little, "What if it doesn't work out the way I want it to?"

Draco shrugged then said, "We'll figure it out, together. No matter what, we'll figure out anything that comes in your way. It's okay to be scared, Harry but you're not alone, you have me, you have Ron, you have your other friends, we're all here. And I don't know why you're scared that you won't be able to give me time because I'm always going to be here, everyday you come back from work, I'll be right here because I'm not going anywhere, Harry, really. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Harry finally smiled for the first time after a while and relaxed further. He soon leaned forward and kissed Draco's cheeks, "What would I do without you?"

Draco snorted, "Die, obviously. You are a human cat, Harry. You need me."

Harry rolled his eyes while shaking his head but he was so sure that he could only ever do it fondly, "Idiot."

Draco smiled and said, "And you're a dumbass."

So, If in that moment Harry was scared for what might happen next or everything that may come his way or every change that would happen, he was sure of one thing and it was that, Draco was never going anywhere, he would always be there for him, always and he didn't know how he ever got that lucky but he did and he would never want anything or anyone else.

"Now, come on, we still have the living room to clean up and I am not going to miss out our re-watch on Devil wears Prada with wine." Draco said as he got up and quickly started cleaning up again.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head, he was in love with an idiot and he really wouldn't have it any other way.

Tagging some of y'all for a boost, don't hesitate if you're uncomfortable with the tag <3

@phoebe-delia ​ @chinike @elenaxoxo22 ​ @thecornerofbelu @nv-md ​ @lilthislilthat ​ @cissa-bee @missdrarrydawn @harryandginnydeservesbetter @draco-lucious-potter @textrovert-01 @dearly-devoted-dawdler

Promises on the Oak tree

"can you hold me?" He asked so simply, so calmly unlike what he truly felt.

They were sat on the bark of the Oak tree in the forbidden forest in the silence of the night after everyone had gone to sleep and they had managed to sneak past the doors to be with each other.

Draco nodded, "of course."

He brought his arms closer and wrapped them around Harry's body while Harry tried to hold onto him. He leaned his face over Draco's shoulder and stayed silent. Draco knew something was up, he had known it all day when he noticed Harry in the great hall in the morning barely speaking to anyone and spending most of his day away from any sort of company but unfortunately he had no idea what had actually happened and he was afraid that Harry would only want silence and peace that day.

They stayed silent for a really long time, long enough for Draco to cast a warming charm on both of them and for his mood to become more worrisome as to what had really happened until he finally decided one had to speak up and it had to be him.

"Harry? Are you okay?"

Harry only nodded but Draco knew after having been together long enough that he wasn't okay, there was something and Harry only wanted a little time and a little more comfort to finally talk about it.

"You know I love you, right?" Draco said suddenly.

Harry looked up at Draco almost confused.

"I don't know what happened but I'm here with you for whatever you want and I love you, I just want you to know that."

Harry shook his head suddenly, "It's just- Somedays are harder than the others."

Draco gently took hold of one of Harry's hands and intertwined their fingers together.

"I- I don't know what happened but I've just been strange all day and Ron and Hermione kept bothering me about it. You know those sort of days where you don't even know what's wrong but you're just- kind of thinking of every possible thing wrong about yourself?"

Draco frowned but Harry didn't look at him.

"I don't know what came over me but something just doesn't feel right.. it's almost like I don't even like myself anymore, that maybe I haven't for a while. These nightmares someday become too real that I start believing that i deserve it, that you-know-who is getting in my head and coming after me, that maybe I deserve it and everyone hates me at school, I deserve it. I know it's wrong but somedays are harder than the others and I forget the lines between what's real and what's not and I delve into that anxiety of never being good enough- and I don't know how to fix that. I've never known how to fix it."

Draco for the first time in their relationship ever wanted to throw Harry off a cliff for thinking he could ever deserve all those things. It made him so mad but he instantly became so upset because Harry was the most precious thing in the whole world and he deserved the absolute best and it was a shame that he couldn't make him believe that.

But Draco nodded, "Some days are worse than the others, I agree but we can't get hung up on those bad days, can we? If we keep falling into what we think we deserve and what we actually deserve, the world would fall into crisis. But we all have those days, you know. I have days myself when I feel so low that I just want to stay curled up in my bed all day and keep thinking over what people in the halls say about me but then I think about you and I realise that in every hall In the world you'll still love me same, my friends would still love me the same and probably my parent's too. The solution is not to sulk into those thoughts but to think of all the people who oppose our fears and I for one can tell you Harry Potter, you deserve the best in the whole universe."

"But how do you get out of that train of bad thoughts?" He asked.

Draco shrugged, "you gotta believe in the people who love you for a reason. Look, I know it's hard but there are people out there who love you for a reason and you have to believe their reasons and I know it's hard because believing the bad things is easier than the good things but we have to let our feelings slide and learn to love ourselves a little more."

"But what if I never learn how to love myself?"

Draco stared at Harry for long enough to feel water prickling at his eyes. How could an amazing person like him remotely even think about not being good enough?

"Then I'll do the loving on both our parts. I'll love you till you learn to love yourself, even if it rakes forever, I'll be here to show you exactly why you deserve all the love in the world."

And then Harry finally met his eyes and gave him a small smile, "I'll never understand why you love me but I'm glad you do."

"I'm glad you're glad I love you."

"you'll be here? For as long as it takes?"

"For as long as it takes."

"I love you, Draco."

And he loved him, too.

I know I'm updating after so long but today I finally had the time and the motivation to write and all I could do was putting first thing in my head in the prompt.

Tagging some of y'all for a boost, don't hesitate if you're uncomfortable with the tag <3

@phoebe-delia ​ @chinike @elenaxoxo22 ​ @thecornerofbelu @nv-md ​ ​ @cissa-bee @missdrarrydawn @harryandginnydeservesbetter @draco-lucious-potter @textrovert-01 @dearly-devoted-dawdler @drarrywords

Under the Christmas tree

Word 3: snow globe

"I'm sorry I'm late" Harry hurriedly said as he closed the door behind him, almost shivering and hanging his coat in the stand, "There was this huge truck that just wouldn't move."

Draco immediately helped Harry with the coat and took Harry's hands in his own and warmed them up.

Harry smiled but they both knew they didn't have a lot of time.

"You're not that late but we only have 5 minutes before he runs down the stairs and starts singing Feliz Navidad or Merry Christmas all over again." Draco kept his tone hushed.

"Did you get it?" Draco finally asked as they moved towards the living room.

Harry held out the package from the other hand and showed it to Draco who took it immediately and skimmed through the bag.

"Now all we have to do is set it under the tree." Draco said and they did exactly that.

And in 2 minutes Teddy came running down the stairs singing Merry Christmas while Harry and Draco pretended to be asleep in their room. So, when Teddy reached the tree, they both knew how excited he was but they said nothing until he came running into their room and started jumping on the bed.

"Teddy, what is it?" Harry asked as he shuffled through for his glasses, turning on the lamp along side.

"The gifts, Uncle Harry. See the gifts." Teddy excitedly sat down between the both of them and started showing his small hands full of gifts.

Draco got up from his fake sleep as well and pushed himself towards the head of the bed and took Teddy in his lap.

"Excited to see your gifts?" Draco smiled and teddy instantly nodded.

"Which one shall we open first?" Harry asked sweetly.

Teddy pointed out a random one and they opened that first, then they opened the next and next until only was left and they finally opened it as well.

It was a snow globe.

"My fourth snow globe. Santa remembered!" Teddy exclaimed as he got all the more excited by the second to take it into his hands.

"Be careful Teddy. It might break." Harry said as he carefully handed him the globe and Teddy took it as carefully as possible and watched it with so much endearment that it warmed both of their hearts.

It was the same gift they had put under the tree at the last minute because they knew how much these snow globes meant to Teddy.

It started out when Harry first came to pick up Teddy from his grandparents and noticed that the only thing Remus and Tonks left behind as a legacy was a snow globe, ever since that day Harry decided that every Christmas he'd buy Teddy a snow globe in return for Remus' and Tonks love he could never get as much.

"I'm going to go and put this on my shelf." Teddy said and immediately took it from Harry's hand and ran back upstairs leaving all the rest of the gifts behind.

It was beautiful to see that he only ever cared for the snow globe, that it was the only gift that held the most meaning even to a 4 year child.

Draco embraced Harry in that moment, bringing him closer in a cuddle and putting away the gifts aside and smiled at him.

"You do an awfully good job at giving Teddy everything he ever needs."

"That's what I'm supposed to do."

"Do you think Remus would be happy at the thought of us raising Teddy together?" Harry asked.

Draco thought for a while and then said, "I think he'd be incredibly proud of us pushing past our history and deciding to raise Teddy as our own."

Harry smiled, "I think he'd be proud of us too."

He kissed Draco one last time before he turned off the lights knowing exactly that he'd never find anyone better for raising Teddy with.

I know this isn't the best but bear with me😭

Tagging some of y'all for a boost, don't hesitate if you're uncomfortable with the tag <3

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The Last Coffee

"All packed and ready to go?" Harry asked as he knocked on Draco's bedroom door.

Draco turned around, taking a break from applying tape on one of the last cardboard boxes. He nodded his head with a soft smile, "All done. The driver will pick up these boxes by tomorrow morning, that's alright right?"

" Yeah, as long as that person doesn't disturb my sleep." Harry shrugged in a joke.

Draco shook his head with a chuckle, "Typical Harry of you."

Harry for that brief didn't know what else to say because he knew Draco was going to be thousand of miles apart in a matter of few hours when for the last 10 years of his life they have lived in the same place, whether it was school or this apartment.

"Last coffee before I leave?" Draco finally asked and Harry nodded.

They collected their coats and walked hand in hand to the coffee shop by the corner of the street for what was the last time.

"So, this is the last time we're going to hold hands?" Harry finally said.

Draco sighed.

"Come on, someone had to say it and I know there's a lot on your mind so just say whatever it is or you know you'll regret it." Harry said.

Draco looked at Harry for a brief moment knowing he was right.

Right after ordering their last cup of coffee's together Draco finally opened up,

"Are you sure you don't want to give long distance a try? We could make it work if we try."

Harry smiled, "We could try, we could even try if you lived on the opposite ends of the planet but we know how it's going to end. Our time zone's are not even going to be the same, let alone we won't have a proper communication about anything. It won't be the same."

Draco teared up a little because he was hoping with his whole heart that Harry might turn his thought around if even at the last moment but he was losing any kind of hope here.

Harry noticing his emotions took his hands in his own and caressed them softly.

"I know you think this is easy for me but it's killing me inside. I have loved you for years, we've lived in the same apartment for 4 years, we've been together almost all the time, how can it possibly be easy for me to not be around you anymore? I've loved you all this time and I can't tell you how much I really want to make it work but Draco I know the differences we'll have, you'll have a whole lot of different people there, you'll be required there so many more times. You will need so much time to adjust into a new environment and I'll start wondering how much efforts you're putting in and then I will get used to it and by the time you'll be done adjusting, I'll have a life of my own, we won't be able to make time for each other, we'll have more fights than conversation- "

"Harry, just stop," Draco cut him off taking his hands away from Harry's hold, "you have this whole thing planned out as if you're going to do it. How are you so sure that this is what's going to happen? What if it's the opposite?"

Harry gave him a soft smile, "I don't know half shit of how it's going to work or what may happen or what may not. To be very honest, I think i'm wrong but- there is a 5% chance in what i'm saying is true and that is why before I lose you to distance, I want to be prepared for losing you. At least, I know I am ending it and not you because of distance," he takes a pause and sighs, "I just don't want to be hurt and hurt you more than I have. I don't want to fight and give up on you-"

"and so you don't even want to try?"

Harry shook his head, "I want to. I want to be proven wrong but I know I won't be because one day I don't want to be on the end where you say I don't think this is working and have my heart shattered but knowing that it was happening all the time. You know how you always called me a saviour?"

Draco nods.

"This time the saviour wants to save himself. Sometimes that saviour has to make sacrifices and compromises so this time i'm choosing to protect myself because I don't think I'll ever be okay if this ends after trying. How can you get hurt when you never even tried?"

"By knowing you never even tried. You are giving up, Harry, you've never given up before." A tear dropped down from the corner of his eyes and Harry wiped it away.

"I'm not giving up. I love you, I have and I always will but I'm not the same person I used to be. I have been a lot hurt in my life Draco and you know it so well, this one time, just once I want to not be hurt later."

"So, you're hurting me instead?" Draco sobbed.

"I'm hurting both of us really but I know I am hurting you. I know and I wish I wasn't but this is for the better and you'll know with time. I am so sorry for all the pain but we are meant to be hurt, now or later. Impending doom."

"So, its a losing argument with you? You are not going to change your mind?" Draco asked.

Harry teared up and shook his head, "We're both losing. I am losing you, I am hurting you but I know it's for the better of both of us. I want to change my mind but I know I shouldn't. I want to protect both of us."

"I don't think you're protecting anyone." But Harry didn't know what else to say because he knew he wasn't going to change his mind, he wanted to but he knew he shouldn't.

Draco shook his head and after wiping away his tears gave a smile, "I suppose it was good while it lasted."

"The best I'll ever have. Only one i'll ever have."

"I love you."

"I love you."

They shared their one last cup of coffee after which Draco left for unknown amount of time. Harry didn't know if he made the best decision or not, he always hoped he did but he never wanted Draco to live with any regret of ending things between them. Maybe they were doomed, maybe they were not. Distance breaks many hearts and they knew they'd be one of them but Harry would rather lose Draco to himself than to distance.

One last cup of coffee, that was all that mattered at the end.

I should've been studying but this was meant to be written..

the last?

Tagging some of y'all for a boost, don't hesitate if you're uncomfortable with the tag <3

@phoebe-delia @chinike @thecornerofbelu @nv-md @cissa-bee @missdrarrydawn @littlebodybigheartttt @harryandginnydeservesbetter @draco-lucious-malfoy @textrovert-01 @inflation-of-mind @dearly-devoted-dawdler @loves-to-read-fanfic