Hitch - Tumblr Posts

Hitch: money can't buy happiness but it can buy amazing suits

Ruby: and.. Suits make you happy?

Hitch: no but they mask my inner emotional turmoil

Ruby: ...

Hitch: in an incredibly stylish way

Hitch: I just want to hear those three little words

Ruby: I love you

Hitch: try again

Ruby, grumbling: I will behave

Ruby: At my funeral, please make sure everyone wears bright colors. No sad, dark colors, please

Hitch: Bold of you to assume I’m going to let you die

Hitch: no, Ruby, the tinsel is for the tree, to decorate it

Ruby, completely wrapped in tinsel from head to toe: I can be the tree

Hitch, crying: please Ruby, for once in your life just eat a vegetable

Ruby, drizzling chocolate syrup over tater tots: what is this 'vegetable' you speak of???

Ruby: truth or dare?

Hitch: truth.

Ruby: how many hours have you slept this week?

Hitch: dare.

Ruby: go to sleep.

Hitch: I don't like this game.

Blacker: are you wearing makeup?

Froghorn: oh, it's just eyeliner. Do you like it?

Blacker: looks OK, I guess

* later *

Blacker, sobbing into Hitch's shoulder: it looked so good.

Hitch: I know.

Blacker: I'm so gay.

Hitch: I know.

You guys have been really sweet about my really dorky Ruby Redfort posts recently so I thought I’d put in some work and get as much information as I can about everyone’s favourite code cracking, messy, doughnut eating Spectrum worker!

(Note: I am missing books 2 & 3 because I refuse to buy anything but hardback RR books, and there are other requirements because I’m a picky girl… so could someone else check those???)

Anyway, let’s begin today’s episode of Information about Blacker! Spoilers, maybe? Err on the side of caution!

Keep reading

Okay it’s unnecessary but I want to explain my alignment chart for Spectrum so here it goes

Gay:

- Distinguished: Sam Colt has never been caught tripping when it comes to romantic interests. He had a great long term relationship with this one guy, but they broke it off when their careers went in really different paths. Since then, he’s been happily single, although he’s dated occasionally.

- Functional: Blacker may be a mess when it comes to clothes, keeping tidy or eating doughnuts, but he’s actually pretty functional when it comes to dating. He’s completely oblivious when people like him, and you kinda have to spell it out for the poor guy, but he’s open to being in a relationship. He’s also a surprisingly good cook, so husband material right there, guys.

- Disaster: Miles Froghorn has the world’s biggest crush on his supervisor, Blacker, and everyone knows except Blacker. He has had reoccurring nightmares of accidentally calling Blacker ‘honey’ and has had to destroy notes when he realised he’s started doodling hearts in the margin while Blackers talking. The boy is a gay mess and LB is thinking of threatening to fire him unless he confesses to Blacker because she’s ‘sick of all the pining in this office, Miles.’

Bi

- Distinguished: LB has had a few girlfriends before she got together with Bradley, and is completely open about her past with him. She’s a pretty good judge of character so she’s never had a crazy ex and she was known for keeping a little bi flag on her desk when she wore colour. Ruby refuses to believe this and wants photographic proof, which she never gets, but she does receive the shock of her life when she sees LB wearing a bi flag as a cape during Spectrum’s annual pride week.

- Functional: Bradley’s had his share of bi freak outs but he’s generally good at getting himself back on track afterwards. However, he did have an embarrassing crush on Sam Colt after he was resuscitated by him, and sometimes gets teased about it. He and LB were very comfortable with each other’s bi-ness so they often liked to point out people on tv the other would find attractive.

- Disaster: Everyone thinks Hitch knows what he’s doing, but quite frankly the man is a catastrophe. He’s perfectly fine if he’s only casually into a person or not actually into them, but when he likes them he falls to pieces. Unfortunately, he also chooses people who don’t like him back. He’s also a mess in general, like when he cried for 7 hours when he found out Zuko had a girlfriend, or how he continually refuses to admit to LB that he blushed when he first saw Valerie Capaldi with dyed hair when they were 25 and she hadn’t yet committed homicide.

Lesbian

- Distinguished: Buzz is actually very smooth when she’s not wearing beige. She knocks it out the park in a blue dress and she’s known for stealing the hearts of Twinford’s wlw, although none of her colleagues know that at all. She is also unfortunately fending off a few male suitors but they’ll get the hint, one way or another.

- Functional: SJ is lowest brand of functional there is. She’s not the disaster lesbian because Ruby exists, but she’s one for dorky science based gifts to people she has crushes on, and cried because she thought that Margo Bardem was just that beautiful. She has a huge crush on a pretty single mother who visits her local grocery store, who is unbeknownst to her, Sadie Monroe.

- Disaster: Clancy cannot count on two hands and feet the amount of times Ruby talked about how she’s so gay. He’s had many conversations about Ruby’s crush on Del Lascoe and she won’t admit it, but she often watches terrible horror films because she’s into the final girl. She’s sometimes found herself minorly into guys, but it’s basically negligible and she now openly identifies as ‘most definitely’ a lesbian ever since meeting Bailey Roach. Sabina will not stop asking if she’s found a girlfriend yet, honey, you’d look so cute with Del! while Brant just casually mentions how proud he is of his lesbian daughter at work, and ignores the stares. She’s a lucky kid.

LB: what’s wrong with the way I dress?

Bradley: some people might say that all the black leather kind of makes you look like an evil villain.

Bradley: Uh, not me though, I think you look like a sexy motorcycle.

Hitch: Bradley... pull it together.

Hitch: what are you doing!?

Ruby, spreading toothpaste on toast: multi-tasking

Ruby, sliding a photo across the table: I want you to shoot this person in the leg

Hitch: ...........this is a photo of you

Ruby: elliot and mouse want me to try zumba

Hitch: LB where are you going?

LB: to seek the company of the only person around here who has any amount of sense

Blacker: and who's that?

LB: myself

Ruby: I have good news and bad news, which do you want to hear first?

Hitch: ... The good?

Ruby: it is highly unlikely that I will EVER do it again

(ruby and clancy walk into the kitchen)

Hitch: I thought you were sleeping in the tree house tonight?

Ruby: *grabbing knives* Treehouse is haunted.

Hitch: what?

Clancy: *grabbing more knives* Treehouse is haunted.

Ruby: *eyes lighting up* on a scale from 1 to 10 how bad do you think it'd be if-

Hitch: at least a 20

LB: when was the last time you slept?

Hitch: *downing 6th Cup of coffee* no

Clancy: ARE YOU -

Del: fucking

Clancy: - KIDDING ME?!

Hitch: ...what?

Del: he's not allowed to swear at public events, so I've volunteered to help him out

Ruby: I think you just really like saying fuck for no reason

Del: that does not diminish the importance of my job

Hitch: OK so that's the plan, any questions?

Ruby: who would win in a race between a snail and a worm?

Hitch: I meant questions about -

Hitch:

Hitch, sighing: the worm

Froghorn, confused: So, how many kids do you have??

Hitch: do you mean biologically, legally or emotionally.