How Have Humans Even Made It This Far? - Tumblr Posts
Language and Possible Trigger Warning...
This will sound overdramatic, but... sometimes I don't even know why I bother to hope. This month has been bad day after bad day ever since the 1st, no exaggeration.
The record of days that haven't devolved is FOUR. FUCKING FOUR DAYS OF A BREAK BEFORE EVERYTHING WENT TO HELL AGAIN.
AND AFTER THAT? FUCKING ONE!!
I'm so done right now. This family problems I've been dealing with have been at their worst! I just. Can't. TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
It feels like it's just going to be day after day of misery and anger and confusion! I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT'S WRONG, THIS TIME! THIS IS THE FIRST DAY THAT I'VE BEEN ALONE WITH THIS FAMILY MEMBER AND THEY SEEMED FINE YESTERDAY! WEAK, BUT FINE!!
I can't believe it took me THIS long to start crying. REALLY crying. I want to scream and throw things and just jump OUT A GODDAMN WINDOW!
I've been trying SO HARD to get into mermay and I have some ideas, but writing is exhausting and I just can't do it! This could've been the first time I ever took part in something like this, but HELL IS HERE AND IT ISN'T GOING AWAY!
This family member was going on vacation with their spouse during the first week of June and I'd FINALLY have a break and the house to myself.
Ha.
Like THAT'S actually going to happen.
It's too good to happen. It WON'T happen, simple as that. I'm not even going to hope for anything better.
It's ironic to me that the year 2020 was the year my family suffered the least, but all of 2021 and 2022 had been pain and anxiety over family members. I wanted SO BAD for this year to not be worse. These family members are just dying of old age! It's made me realize just how SHIT our country treats older people. Bodies failing, dementia, FUCK THAT! THEY CAN'T LEAVE WHEN THEY WANT BY ASKING TO BE EUTHANIZED IN A HOSPITAL AND DIE WITH DIGNITY AND AS THEMSELVES! THEY HAVE TO FUCKING SUFFER PAIN AND HUMILIATION UNTIL THEY DIE AS SHELL OF THEIR FORMER SELVES, AND EVERYONE THEY LOVE HAS TO SUFFER AND STRUGGLE AND FALL BACK INTO AWFUL HABITS AND DISEASES AND IT JUST DOESN'T END!
FUCK PEOPLE!
I just... I can't handle this anymore. I'm not going to kill myself or anything; even if I wanted to it'd be the worse thing I can do to my family. They don't need or deserve that on top of everything else.
I just want to hide and hibernate until all this pain is over. I just want to wrap myself in a blanket cocoon and sleep until everything is less shit in the world.
The person I trusted most, the one I was closest to in the entire world, is figuratively dead.