I Miss Jin - Tumblr Posts
Not Warriors
[seokjin x reader] [1.4k+ lovers to strangers; breakup!au; angst, smut]
There's nothing left to miss Except the shots I take and phone calls from you
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You have been glued to your bed, watching reruns of FRIENDS and overstuffing your face with low-fat soy ice cream. You were allowed to wallow, but you had a red carpet to attend in a couple of weeks.
You feel miserable, but you can't look it, so says your manager. She already had a fit when she saw the dark circles under your eyes—courtesy of losing sleep at night and crying like a river by day.
And so, you make amends by finally doing something active. Walking on the treadmill, your hand balances a pint of ice cream and the other finally turns on your phone.
It's been a week since you've turned off your phone, two since your bar brawl scandal blew up on social media, and three since you and Seokjin broke up.
The first thing you see is the bold 23 encircled in glaring red on the message bubble icon. Thinking nothing of it, probably spam messages, you open the app only to be greeted by messages from close friends and families—all with the same question, but in different tones: are you okay?
You almost burst into tears again.
You didn't think this would be you—a living cliché of a heartbroken woman in her late 20s, cutting people off all because of one guy.
But Seokjin isn't some guy.
For a time, you believed he was the one. Despite hiding from the spotlight and keeping your relationship on the down-low, the moments you shared together were genuine and wholly yours.
Until they weren't, of course.
Stardom had its price. One canceled dinner turned to two until it wasn't just dinner he was missing, but special shared occasions you once celebrated were forgotten, too.
As he gained attention, more people wanted his company. You were no longer a priority and you never dared to use that against him. Hard as it was, you understood that his time wasn't entirely yours. Hell, he missed lunch dates with his mother, too. But what broke your heart was finding out it wasn't just his time you shared with other people, but his devotion, too.
Your phone ringing breaks you out of your stupor. Blinking your tears away, you see Seokjin's name on your screen.
You freeze. And so do your legs that were walking on autopilot. The next thing you feel is your body hitting your gym floor—phone screen cracked and the pint of ice cream rolling beside you.
-
This is bad. Oh, so bad.
You'll surely get in trouble if your manager finds out where you are.
And who you are waiting for.
You were supposed to visit your doctor after falling ungracefully from the treadmill earlier, instead you rushed to buy a new phone and waited for Seokjin to ring again.
The familiarity makes you sad and laugh in pity. You waited for Seokjin a lot. When you were in a relationship—you waited for the perfect time to reveal you guys are dating, waited for him to remember your date and come home, and waited for him as he lived out his celebrity life with the hope he would remember the life he has with you.
You had a reason to wait for him then. Yet, here you are again. Waiting.
You hear a patterned knock—one that you know so well. It's something you and Seokjin came up with when one of you would sneakily visit the other.
A rush of nostalgia tugs at your heart. You wish you were meeting as lovers. Just like old times. But no, this isn't like before, is it?
You ponder on not opening the door. All it takes is a few steps back before you can sit yourself down and wait for him to leave. But before you could convince your feet to move, you heard your name called behind the door.
It sounded like a plea.
Seokjin was always compelling. You always, somehow, gravitated towards him. You think that was what lasted you to stay with him for a long time, despite the love and trust fading away with the years. You hesitantly open the door halfway, eyes downcast and you mumble his name, ready to make your own plea—please leave. If he truly loves you, he has to let you go. He already walked away from you countless times, now would be the one time you would be thankful if he does it again.
But he doesn't.
Seokjin pushes the door to fully open before he quickly enters the room. As soon as the lock clicks, Seokjin pulls you in for a kiss.
His lips invade yours—tongue dipping in the caverns of your mouth, teeth clashing and you eventually return his kisses. Lust clouds the room, eclipsing your rationality.
The hundreds of reasons you shouldn't be here with Jin aren't lost on you. Your friends and manager drilled those in your head and it made sense. But something about Seokjin and his hands pulling at your clothes was simultaneously tearing down those walls of reasons.
Seokjin's hard body collides with yours on the bed as soft as his lips that were now making its way down to your core. You grip his hair and push his head to rush him. The sound of him chuckling comes first, followed by a wet lick to your pussy.
You stutter out his name, back arching as your grip on him tightens. In return, he grabs your thighs and pulls your hips even closer to him. His face swallowed by your core and his fluffy bangs tickle your pubic.
"M-missed you," his words came out garbled. His mouth busy sucking your clit, as he works his tongue inside your pussy.
You missed him, too. Still do. Even though you've got your eyes on him, in the same room as him, and parts of your bodies so close, not even air could pass through, you still miss him.
"Ride m-my face," he commands, words squeezing out of his mouth between hungry laps at your core.
Everything that follows is muscle memory. You gyrate your hips, smearing Seokjin with your spurting arousal and you feel the vibrations from his moans. Arms still holding your leg in a lock, your lover of the night sits up and tugs at his damp brief. You drool at the sight of his long hard thick cock springing free.
However this night ends, you would relish the feeling of having him inside you again.
Seokjin plunges his dick until his balls hit your ass. He was quick to silence your moans with his lips, hotel sheets cloaking the skin slapping against skin, the only thing giving you away was the loud thuds against the wall at the same rhythm Seokjin thrusts his cock into your pussy.
You cry out his name and a series of love confessions follows, "I still love you, Jinnie," you cry out. He thrusts harder and faster with replies of ‘I know's’.
But does he really, you wonder. You note the lack of alike sentiments—no, I love you, too's, like he would respond before.
Stuck in the haze, you let the uncertainty linger. You take it as he fucks you like he still loves you, too.
Arms in a tight embrace and lips glued to each other's necks and breathing each other in.
-
You're awakened with a tickling feeling on your cheeks—like a quick peck, a morning kiss, much like the smooches Seokjin showers you with in the morning.
With eyes still closed, you blissfully hum as your arm stretches across the bed. Your hands expecting to reach a warm body hang in the air as you open your eyes to peek. Your arms drop limp and as quickly as your heart does.
A dejected sigh is all you could let out. You think you've been dried out from weeks of crying.
This is pathetic, really. You feel pathetic and start to pity yourself. You don't know why you could still believe he called to get back together. If there was one thing you learned from the recent months you and Seokjin spent, leading to your fallout, you'd know he's no longer the person you fell in love with.
Your friends were right. By the end of it, you turned to just another body who warmed his bed.
And so you make a decision. You're not sure if you're strong enough to follow through with this. All you know is, right now, as a start, you will yourself to remember Seokjin as the man who shattered your dreams and left you with shards to pick up.
The next time your phone rings and Seokjin's caller ID pops on your screen, you deliberately miss his call.
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High
[seokjin x reader] [1.3k+ angst, smut; male masturbation, ‼️ allusions of addiction]
Now That We Don't Talk | Not In The Same Way | Not Warriors
I hope you think of me highly When you're with someone else
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Seokjin didn't mean to be so invested in the news. He only turned the television on as background noise in his eerily silent apartment.
But seeing your live interview aired on the channel has him sitting on the couch, listening intently to every word you say; waiting for the cameras to pan on your face.
You were always beautiful, but lately, you've been radiant.
He wonders if it has anything to do with your new relationship.
Or maybe just being finally rid of him.
He knows the last months of your relationship weren't smooth-sailing. Truth is, he was lost during those times—often blacked out. He was living high on the celebrity life. He faked his confidence during parties until he no longer had to—of course, with the aid of alcohol and something more.
If only he stayed with you on those nights and rejected the invites when he knew it was getting too much, too fast.
But everything was so new and captivating to him. And he was still an impressionable human being, he wouldn't deny that. Always curious and goes out of his way to dissolve the tension—in the end, everything backfired.
In the worst possible way.
Seokjin's ears perk up at the mention of his name. The host referencing your humble beginnings.
'Oh. Seokjin-ssi and I are pursuing different roles in the industry, I believe. But yes, if a project with him is offered, I would love to work with him. I'm always in awe of his films and regard him highly as an actor.'
At this, his head hangs low and lets out a bitter smile.
He hopes you were telling the truth. He hopes you truly and still think of him highly. Though he's sure if you meet again, he wouldn't be greeted with eyes staring back at him with glimmer and hope, like he could hang the moon if you asked him to. He hopes you remember him when he was at his best and not the Seokjin you left.
And if he happens to be the topic of discussion between you and your lover, he hopes you talk about him like a fond memory.
Moreso, he hopes you still defend him to your friends. They didn't exactly hide how they feel towards him the last time they met at a red carpet event. It was just days after your breakup.
He knew he still had you then. It was because he still had you wrapped around his finger that he thought he would never lose you despite him falling off the wagon again and again and again.
He remembers the spiteful words hurled at him as they tore a tipsy you from his arms. Their words fell on his deaf ears back then and now he gives himself a hard time for not listening. He remains guilty over a lot of things that happened that night. But he will never regret the brief moment he shared with you.
You two are sneaking off from the show like old times, escaping to a room booked under a made-up person, and just spending the remainder of the night in each other's company.
Seokjin slowly palms himself as he closes his eyes at the vivid memory. Every skin he kissed and nipped was so soft—your fragrance so intoxicating, but he thinks that could've just been your pheromones. You were always sweet. He licks his lips at the remembrance of your arousal flowing into his tongue. His wet tongue prodding your warm tight walls.
He wouldn't admit it out loud, but you were the reason he always bought cranberry juice—the taste is likened to your clit.
Throwing his head back in the headrest with a groan, Seokjin pulls his sweatpants down to his pants to free his touch-starved cock. He spits on his palm and strokes his member up and down, up and down, all while thinking how you felt that night.
He almost goes soft at the thought that another man held you now; another man feeling you up, making love to you, whispering sweet nothings as you both reach ecstasy.
Does your new lover know how feral you go with a soft nip to your clit? Or how you want your thighs spanked when you're nearing your climax? Can your boyfriend make you cum twice with just his fingers? And when you release, does he know when to pull you in for a kiss—swallowing your whimpers and in return, his tongue would deliver whispered declarations of love.
Seokjin sighs out your name and speeds up his hands on his dick. In a lustful haze, he thinks he can almost taste you. He must be going crazy because he also thinks he heard you whisper in his ear.
I love you, Jin
And that unravels him—toes curling and hips bucking upwards. His cock spurts out strings of cum that landed on his fist and pubic. If you were here, you would lick him clean as if his arousal tasted like your favorite ice cream.
He closes his eyes and imagines you—kneeled infront of him, tongue out and flat for him to clean his cock on. He continues to tug at his cock, milking himself dry.
Fuck. He feels like a pervert fantasizing about an ex girlfriend. Seokjin hadn't been in relationships a lot, but you remain to be the only one who reverts him to his hormonal teenage boy phase. He truly lucked out on you.
Clearing out his lewd thoughts, he thanks whatever god or spirit exists that allows him to keep his thoughts to himself.
-
This is the fourth time his call goes straight to your voicemail.
He wonders if you ever listen to the messages he left. It was probably for the best if you ignored it. Most messages were drunken pleas and booty calls. But this time, he's not calling to bother you, he swears.
Out of all the people who got hurt from his carelessness, you were the one who shouldn’t have and yet came out crushed and wounded.
Seokjin stands in the empty complex—what used to be filled with love and the epitome of home is now barren and cold. He almost cries again at the thought that the next time he comes back here, you won't be welcoming him home. Hell, even the scent on your pillow had faded away. You made sure to clear out all of your things from what once was your shared home, obliterating any shred of evidence that you lived together.
There was a time he gave in to his weakness—he bought a bottle of your perfume and sprayed it in every room. Sadly, it never smelled the same. It lacked you. He baked the same cookies you fed him on your free days, but it never tasted as sweet as yours.
In the middle of the room, Seokjin wades in his sea of regret.
His grip on the phone tightens. He rings you again. One last time, he bargains. Please answer just this once.
It goes to your voicemail.
Clearing his throat, Seokjin wonders how to fit his words within a 30-second recording. This is the last time he could call you in a long time. So, he tries.
"Y/N, it's J-ji-. It's Seokjin. I just really needed you to know that I'm sorry," he chokes. He quickly breathes air into his lungs so as not to lose a second. "I'm going to be away for a while. My agency's putting me in a care center. A-and I want to do this, too. I'm going to get better, I promise. Y/N, you know I still lo-"
Beep
Seokjin swallows the remaining words. It's probably for the best that he was cut off. You were already with someone else.
He can't help feeling bitter and jealous. But he also knows he gave up his right to do something about it the moment he walked away, and you were a saint to tolerate him for so long.
Resignation is the least he could do.
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omg u guys i suck at keeping my words … work’s been keeping me so busy i will TRY to get part two out as soon as possible <33333
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