I Miss My Wings - Tumblr Posts

naw, cuz this is too real 😞

ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛʀᴇᴛᴄʜ ᴍʏ ᴡɪɴɢꜱ ꜱᴏ ʙᴀᴅ.. ⋟﹏⋞

Holy shit I just realized why I’m so scared of heights.

I’ve had this fear since I was little. I’ve been scared of tall things for ever, and the thing was, “what if I fall off?”

What if I fall? What I I fall off and end up back down there?

Holy shit, I’m so scared of height cause I’m a fallen angel. It remind me of when I fell, even just a little.

I’m scared to experience falling again. I can’t fly, my wings are torn, and I won’t be able to save myself. I can’t save myself.

I love down there, but I don’t want to experience falling again. Even if it’s not actually sending me down there, that fear still stays with me.

Falling left so many emotions I can’t process as I don’t have the proper memories, but the fear hasn’t left. I don’t think it ever will….

Dude-

Does anyone know of the Soarin' ride from Disney. Because of my fear of heights [in this life], I was scared for a while until it got to a point where you 'soar' over water and I calmed down at that point and for the rest of the ride, lol. Just a random little rant that does have to do with this post.

things you really want to do but didn't realise until now

- fly very close to water and skim the tips of your toes/talons/wings along the surface (yes like they do in movies shut up)

- dive from a high ledge and at the very last second flare your wings, catch the wind and soar off

- fly super fast towards a tight tunnel and only just make it through by tucking your wings close to you and nyooming through like an arrow

- getting jeered at then unfurling your wings in all their glory, looking the antagonist in the eyes and grinning menacingly, causing them to go white in fear and back away

- honestly just the thing where you run down a grassy hill and gradually unfurl your wings until you start to glide

- as well as standing at a cliffs edge and spreading your wings,, that’s just cool

I have been really going through it with bad memories from my life as Zuki lately, lol.

So, instead, I wanna share some good memories I have so I can balance out the bad.

Since I was like an older sibling to Izuku, I would let him help me preen my wings and shit, which is a thing for mostly family [and mates]. He was one of the only ones that I allowed to do this for a long time. Eventually, others from Class 1A got added to the list of people who were allowed to even touch my wings, let alone preen them. Hikari, my queer platonic partner, was the second person who I allowed to preen my wings [of my class], we may not have been romantic, but they were still my mate. Hitoshi was the third cause he was my little brother, legally this time, lol. Toshi was the least likely to ask to preen my wings though, even after getting permission to ask, I would usually have to ask him if he wanted to help for him to feel like he could, lol [it did come from his trauma though so it's ok, love you bro]. I allowed Denki to touch my wings and tail cause it would help with his ADHD sometimes, which mood I would play with my own tail to help my ADHD, lol. There are others, but these are the ones I feel like sharing rn.

Bro, I remember hanging out with the "girls" [I use quotes cause not everyone identified as a girl/woman]. We would have "girl's night," which once again not everyone identified with that gender but it's pretty much what we would call it, lol. It was fun. We would paint each other's nails. The ones who knew makeup and shit would help those who wanted to learn. And we would just talk about shit. I miss these "girl's nights" so much.

I miss the game nights we would have as a whole class. We had to ban some games cause of how people got, lol. Monopoly was the first one to be banned, lol. We would play Uno the most, even though people got very competitive [*cough* Bakugo and me mainly *cough*]. We also had to ban truth or dare, and I will not be explaining why, I think it's obvious why. Would you rather and never have I ever were allowed though, lol.

Dadzawa and Papamic would take me, Eri, and Toshi to do fun activities, such as arts and crafts, go trick or treating, and other fun shit, lol. I would usually end up carrying Eri at some point cause she loved to be carried, and it helped with my protective instincts, lol. I would usually wrap my wings around her while holding her, and she loved it. If someone who is good at art would draw that for me, I would love it [I don't have money rn so I'm not gonna commission anyone right now, but I might when I get enough money, lol].

I would never have described myself as good with kids, and I would say that I wasn't a lot. My friends and family tended to disagree with me there. They would bring up how good I was with Eri, Kota, and a kid who is not canon. But I would bring up in response that they were all traumatized kids that I latched onto in a sibling way mainly but also cause I saw bits of myself in them and didn't want them to not have someone. Other kids I was definitely not good with. I would say I'm not really good with kids in this life, even though at the church I am forced to go to, I help with the kids, lol. Kids are kinda weird.

I remember Remo, my service dog, and despite the fact that I had been so fucking upset that I needed another being/creature with me to function, I loved him. I remember when I would have him off duty and use my quirk to become a little wolfdog with wings spirit thing and play with him, lol. I also used that to play with Hikari, whose quirk let them become certain animals, lol. It was very fun to do these things and I miss being able to do that.

I really miss everyone. I miss my life as Zuki. I miss my pack. I miss my wings. I miss my tail. I miss my ears. I miss my sharp teeth. I miss my claws. I miss being Zuki physically.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/xe)

DUDE YES PREENING!!

I made a post about that a bit, lol. Yeah, it's very much a pack thing! At first, only very few people were allowed to touch my wings at all, lol. Eventually, more people were added to that list, but the list of people who could actually preen my wings was still pretty small (around 6-8 people I think), lol. It's a very intimate thing, it's a pack thing, it's special.

I really consider/considered my whole class as my pack, but not everyone was in the same "category" of what they could do, if you get what I mean. Like not everyone was given permission to preen my wings and not everyone could suprise me with hugs or any touches without getting bit or something [very, very few people were in this category, mostly cause I got used to the little noises and shit they would make/do when they were about to touch me, lol. So it wasn't fully a suprise and shit.]

Also yeah looking at the actual canon for MHA, it's pretty fucking bad for my pack. I mean, we all had trouble and shit in my canon, but considering my canon didn't have the actual war and shit, it wasn't as bad in some ways. So it's nice to know that I was there for my pack as they were there for me.

Dude, I miss being able to fly. I also have to have a fear of heights in this life, sadly.

I really didn't learn how to fly until after the dorms were made at UA, lol. To be fair, I didn't really have anyone to properly teach me about flying with my wings when I was younger. My older sibling would've had to be the one to do that, and they were busy a lot when it would've been the time to teach me really, and they had to learn on their own so they weren't thinking about having to teach me, lol. I was lucky that I had Hikari [another noncanon being] to help me cause they also had wings and shit. Though their wings were of a different type [my wings were that of like a crow, and I can't quite remember what type of bird their wings were like.] They were still one of the best in helping me with learning to fly.

I don't mention much about my quirk, except for my wings, ears, and tail, lol. But the other "part" of my quirk let me essentially become a spirit like thing, which with that my form was a wolfdog with wings, lol. I could fly just fine in that form, just not in my "normal" form for some reason. Idk why that is exactly, but whatever.

It's missing my pack hours, lol.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/ze) :3c

Edit: fixed a mistake/typo

Hello, I decided to come say hi and shit in an ask, lol.

I'm not good at starting conversations, but I would like to hear about any alterhuman or nonhuman experiences or memories or anything that'd you'd be willing to share!

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it) | a fellow noncanon MHA being/creature :3c

aaa hihi!! good to hear from you, i definitely feel you on the 'bad at starting conversations' lol!

the first thing that comes to mind a memory of playing video games with Tomura and Shuichi. I wasn't very good at it, but it was good bonding and i loved playing with them. I would only play the 'silly' games like Mario Kart or Smash Bros, they got too into the 'serious' ones for me. I finished in last place every time lmao, so i mostly spent my time teasing whoever was in second place. Dabi would sit with us too sometimes, either lazily scrolling on his phone or bothering the three of us, trying to help whoever would give him the most attention lol. The others joined in sometimes too, Himiko and Jin and rarely Sho and Toshi if they were hanging out. Himiko would shriek excitedly and bump us while Jin cheered her on and cursed her out. It was good.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to ramble lol!! Feel free to share any memories/thoughts you have :D