I Wish My Brain Was Normal - Tumblr Posts

A CURSE

My mother was given the curse of a child like her. A stubborn, emotional, and thoughtful child came from her. You told me that I’m just like you, then go on in the same breath to tell me how bratty, sassy and how much flack you gave your parents. Pushing me into the narrative you have so desperately tried to escape. Im you. And when you wished upon me that I would have a daughter like me I hoped.

For maybe one day I’ll have a baby girl, she’ll be stubborn, strong and just like me when I was her age. Except instead of pointing out her flaws, instead of tearing her down to keep her humble I’ll build her up. I’ll teach her to love herself. Because maybe, maybe I can prove to myself that I am loveable. That somewhere, someone loves me. That I can be loved. With the right treatment, with the proper care this curse you have called upon me will become my own blessing. I will tell her stories of my childhood and remind her she is not me. That she will forge her own path in the world unlike any other.

I’ve been told having a daughter is a curse, you’ll get the sass and smack thrown right back at you. And I hope I do, because I want to treat her with love this time. I want her to know she is loved, she will always be loved. That she won’t be tossed away at the first sign of imperfection. I’ll tell her how proud I am of her. But most of all. I won’t tell her I was scared to have her, I won’t tell her I didn’t want her. I won’t make her regret her life like you did.

I’ll tell her she’s enough for me. Because you never did.