Im Shattered - Tumblr Posts

For the truly broken hearted. There is no closure. You can accept and understand. But, it doesn’t mean you are ever ok with how it turned out. There is no acceptance in grief.

Paul's body language listening to Beautiful Boy and what I think is Paul's greatest tragedy

I had to capture Paul's body language while listening to Beautiful Boy as one of his choices on Desert Island Discs in 1982. He says the song is 'very moving' for him—you can listen to the whole thing here and watch the actual video captured in these gifs here.

Desert Island Discs is a radio programme, so I wonder if Paul wasn’t expecting cameras, or perhaps he knew there would be one but wasn’t prepared for his own emotional response once the song started playing. His body language is incredibly poignant to watch, and while I'm no expert, this feels like the rawest I've ever seen him captured on film, even more so than the most difficult parts of Get Back/Let It Be.

It starts when the songs starts playing: his eyes are everywhere, and he puffs his cheeks and bites his lips. He clearly knows the lyrics, you can tell througout this video that he does, but he keeps himself from singing along out loud.

Then, when John sings, “And your daddy’s here,” he puffs his cheeks again and fully turns his back to the camera to gather himself, flicking his hair, and starts rocking back and forth.

His eye are EVERYWHERE at that point, with some more hair flicks. Also, you can't hear in the gif, but there's a second or two of him tapping along with his hands on a table or his thighs, perhaps in discomfort or a nervious tick, and then he stops.

And just when you think he’s composed himself, he turns his back to the camera again and stays like that for a good while. To clarify, the show’s host is sitting right next to him, shoulder-to-shoulder and elbow-to-elbow on Paul’s right, but Paul is clearly avoiding eye contact and communication altogether.

This continues for several more seconds until John sings, “It’s getting better and better.” That's a hint to Paul's own line from Sgt. Pepper, I think we can all agree to that. Then, the camera operator—perhaps taking pity or simply doing their job well—pans the camera and focuses on something even more telling; after tapping along and swiveling, he's now hugging himself.

And that's when the camera cuts, thankfully. I can imagine this is exactly how he must have spent hours in the early eighties, listening to Double Fantasy and the Real Love/Free as a Bird/Now and Then demos and taking it all in.

And herein lies what I think is Paul's greatest tragedy: if, as he's claimed for decades, they were never knowingly or consciously romantically or physically involved while John was alive, I wonder if the understanding of what they actually had crept up on him after John's death, especially in moments like these. It could be argued that it's reflected in songs and lyrics throughout his solo career—a progression of moments, memories, and conversations, all deciphered and processed in a new light.

How heartbreaking.