Jimin Bio Part 4 - Tumblr Posts
Chameleon Park Jimin 4
Long but Last in Series
Jimin’s physical changes described in sections 1-3 were assigned or chosen, but were intentional for the most part. Along with the stress, public exposure, and expectations came related mental & emotional changes as well. Some were usual developments that occur as people normally mature, but others were byproducts of the conditions, situations, and choices occurring. The question is: Were the resulting changes managed well?
Mentally, Jimin has admitted to suffering from bouts of depression, frustration, and loneliness. The stress they all were carrying at such young ages had to have produced levels of anxiety and worry not normally experienced by the general public. Physically, Jimin began suffering as a result of injury and bodily deterioration from intense usage. These situations led to chronic pain issues in his neck, knee, and back (that we’re aware of). He had developed severe muscle cramping in his neck and back that would flare up off and on and would incapacitate him and require medical attention at times. He is still enduring this condition to the present day.
Some of Jimin's injuries were from the strenuous practicing and rigorous stage performances, but some were from the activities they filmed as games. (EXAMPLES: a possible diet-related fainting spell where Jimin fell off the stage during a game at a fan event; being hit on the head with a toy hammer causing pain and momentary medical distress.) Some were incidental work-related accidents. (EXAMPLES: JHope hitting Jimin with a pillow during a filmed pillow fight, which possibly tore his earring from his ear, Jin becoming startled from a stage blast on a show and hitting Jimin in the mouth with his microphone, (I feel) breaking 2 of his front teeth that still give him at the least visual problems to this day. (I have not confirmed my thoughts from the video. Jimin said he had broken his teeth from a microphone hitting it, but he didn’t blame Jin. Search for the footage.) Those are only a few injuries that we know about. Jimin likely danced and performed through a multitude of strains, breaks, and/or painful episodes that the audience will never know about - as I’m sure all of them did to varying degrees. [SUGGESTION: Look at Jimin’s photo cards from his first album, FACE, in order to see the actual thorns he stuck on specific body parts to indicate physical damage he’s experienced. Listen to the entire album to hear the “thorns” he explained in the songs to indicate the emotional damage he’s experienced.]
Finding ways to cope with the stress and pain likely becomes a survival necessity in situations like BTS was enduring. Their schedules were so hectic and busy that getting away to recharge was probably rarely possible, if at all. The company even built vacations and travel into filming events. I do appreciate all that the guys were able to see and experience due to the planned events. The guys enjoyed each other's company and enjoyed the adventures they were able to experience together. Several of them have said they would like to vacation together in the future because the experiences they shared during those travels were memorable and pleasurable.
Personal coping would be specific to each person, since only they really knew what was going on individually and internally. Some of the choices for relieving pressure were, of course, healthy, but as with all humanity, some were likely less than healthy, even if the choice worked for a while. Drinking alcohol, and somewhat excessively (from my perspective), is an accepted social activity in Korea. If handled properly and not used excessively or abusively, perhaps it could be a useful tool. However, Jimin expressed that for a time he had begun to use alcohol as a way to escape and be distracted from the problems and pains in a problematic way. He spoke of drinking alone in a small room and drinking so much he would black out. He said that he eventually realized that wasn’t a good use of alcohol and had solved that problem. However, it wouldn’t be the last time we’d hear of alcohol being used as Jimin’s chosen “medicine”.
Up to this point Jimin seemed very satisfied, appreciative, and affirmed by the success the group was achieving, not to mention the personal recognition he was receiving for his dance and improved vocal developments. (While his vocals were always good, they were becoming more reliable most often, which allowed his confidence for experimentation to soar as well.) The performance venues were getting bigger and bigger. The group was winning many awards, breaking records, and being given medals and certificates for their evergrowing accomplishments. They were about to embark on their biggest concert tour yet, which would be all stadium-sized venues. Until… the world at large was stopped in its track by the Covid 19 pandemic.
Literally, the entire globe shut down all at once. All around the world the global population was forced to social distance in a mandatory, medical quarantine. There was no travel, no public events, no activity. No one understood what was going on from one day to the next, and having never experienced anything like this before, the predictions of recovery were sketchy at best, nonexistent at worst. The information and outcomes changed by the day and instead of improving, conditions got worse and worse.
Finally, after repeated postponements, their tour was canceled. This occurred after a period of almost 2 years. Jimin, who had come to identify himself more as the dynamic performer on stage than the young guy from Busan, was devastated. Not only was he disappointed because all they had worked for was crashing down around them, but as he explained later, he felt his purpose for existing was disappearing. He became extremely distressed and lost the biggest distraction from his pain, working hard to prepare then to perform.
The love and approval Jimin got from audiences could not be experienced or felt within this isolation. Even though BTS kept working and producing and releasing quality content throughout that time period, video streaming and posting with fans virtually was not enough to satisfy the internal aches and pains Jimin was suffering from the loss. His internal pain had only been medicated over time but never addressed, so it was intensifying, or at least could no longer be pushed back or hidden away.
On the positive side, Jimin could have looked at the time as his now having the opportunity to rest and work on other projects and vocal practice as well as to focus on physical healing and/or strengthening. Also he could have considered how BTS’s popularity and success was spreading and growing bigger than it ever had prior to that forced pandemic hiatus, but instead Jimin was so frustrated, hurt, and saddened by the canceled plans, the lack of human interaction, as well as some additional personal events that occurred at that time, that he seemed to just want to escape and avoid thinking about - anything.
The reason we know about Jimin’s personal events and reactions that occurred during the global quarantine is because Jimin's entire first album was inspired by the events and documented his cataclysmic spiral that brought us to the current complaints about the Jimin we now see.
Prior to this time, Jimin had been “breaking his back” to work on the external parts of himself and his performance. During and after this time, Jimin’s work was on his internal parts that ultimately extended to his external side too. Some people are suggesting he should have remained as he was and that they miss the “old Jimin”. That disappoints me because in spite of the fact that things on his outside may look different than they did, he still looks great, but more importantly, he seems like he feels great too. He seems more relaxed and happier - more at peace.
When Jimin was at the peak of looking flashy and colorful, he, at times, looked miserable. RM once said in a Live alone with Jimin that Jimin was good at hiding his feelings (with a false expression), but I don’t feel that is exactly true. Jimin actually has said he doesn’t like acting fake, and I feel he has a hard time disguising genuine feelings. There were many times, if attention was paid, Jimin’s eyes or expression looked angry, annoyed, or sad. He didn’t earn the title “Sassy Jimin” for nothing. If RM was right, then imagine the level of true emotion hidden under the surface if only a small amount of it actually peeked through at those times.
Back to the pandemic, if you listen to Jimin’s album, FACE, from start to finish, you hear the journey Jimin took from hurt and angry to out of control avoidance to sadness and loneliness to triumph. A common thread that weaved its way throughout the entire story was alcohol. The use and abuse of this substance to medicate, distract from, and relieve pain helped to explain the mood of this difficult story. Jimin explained that this was exactly what happened in chronological order. The lyrics and story are open, honest, raw, and revealing. He was involved in every aspect of writing, performing and producing the album and associated music videos, and it was all stunning. Every song is high quality and creative. Clear emotions can be heard in the music and vocals. The performances were expressive and passionate. It was an impressive presentation of effort, work, and evolution.
When it was all said and done, during the promotion of the album and still now, Jimin has returned to brown hair and brown eyes. He also stopped wearing the styled, fitted outfits and began wearing baggier clothes that looked more comfortable and less time-intensive. He removed the dangling earrings and extra makeup, which made him look less effeminate to some. He looked more like that guy from Busan who had arrived 10+ years earlier.
In the final song of FACE, called Set Me Free, Part 2, Jimin said, “Raise your hand for the old me, and set me free.” He had explained in interviews that he realized that he was the only person who could actually set him free from the anguish, thoughts, and decisions that held him captive. He was saying that line to himself but also to those outside who expected him to remain in the same old place. He was done being bothered by external voices and expectations, and he wants to evolve.
The album is called FACE, not because of Jimin’s handsome face, but because he was forced to, and then chose to, face himself and all the issues and wounds that he had both inside and out. At the end he felt he had overcome that moment and had grown.
Does Jimin still have growing to do? Absolutely. In fact, he had lost a lot of weight for the promotions of this album. He looked too thin for his height and frame and didn't look physically strong to me (although he performed well regardless). So weight and eating issues are still a work in progress. Also by the end of his very short, jam-packed, rushed promotional period, he had overworked - as he does - and worn himself out. Nutrition may have played a part again, but also his perfectionist tendencies likely have some room to grow too. Still, he has come a long way. He has taken huge steps and has made a great deal of progress, more than we are probably aware.
Jimin's album has been extremely critically and publicly successful, breaking all kinds of records and garnering a great deal of outstanding reviews. Of his many accomplishments for FACE, Jimin became the very first Korean soloist to debut at and reach #1 on Billboard's Hot100 chart. While I don’t care much about that achievement, Korea does, BTS does, and the industry does. Congratulations to Jimin!
For the people still missing Jimin’s older style and appearance, look deeper. There is nothing wrong with preferring the previous styles or looks that anyone has, but life is a continuous, ongoing journey. Jimin is still evolving as he also must continue to grow and develop.
I’m certain those people are not wishing that he would still be unhappy, unstable, and unpeaceful, but they must understand that his internal journey has brought him here at this time. His style might, and likely will, change again, and they may end up liking the future styles and looks more than the past. (FOOD FOR THOUGHT: a) Jimin was so involved in the production and promotion of this first time album that he was exhausted and overwhelmed doing all that he had to do and learning all that he had to learn. He probably didn’t have a lot of energy left to care about his final appearance for each event moment by moment. b) He is being paid a lot of money to be an ambassador TEMPORARILY for 2 luxury companies, so he is not in full control of his style at the moment. c) It was later discovered that Jimin went to the hospital to receive treatment for the chronic muscle cramping while performing music shows during his promotions. He may not have had the energy or time to make hairstyles and makeup his top priorities at that time.) Anyway, I hope those people realize that the more important thing is to appreciate and hope for his mental and emotional self to be solid, so he can be comfortable in whatever style he chooses to rock.
How I know that he is still exploring and working on those next steps is because in a very recent Live he explained that he was going back to basics to build up himself and his skills from the beginning stages, in spite of the fact that we know he is already operating at exceptional levels. The experience, told about in FACE, allowed him to be able to face past shortcomings and future goals so much so that he is doing something about it. Never count out a focused Park Jimin. Look how high that brown-eyed, brown-haired, grounded - but determined - guy from Busan has risen so far. 🤩