Jungkook:angst - Tumblr Posts

jeon jungkook fic rec list (Ⅸ)

hi everyone wow it's really been a while and i'm on list 9 already damnnn that's alot and list 10 is like half way complete already... soooo you might notice a change in the set up this time around i liked how it looked on my ao3 list so i added it here as well, i absolutely love this list like i've gone over this list a million times it's filled with alot of fics i was absolutely obsessed with, you know how attached i get to the characters and this list holds quite a few of them too so i hope you enjoy reading them as much as i did and you fall for them too... remember to give lots of love to the authors of these fics they are absolute geniuses and deserve all the respect and love in this world for creating these beautiful fics and sharing it with us so be sure to give them a follow, like and reblog or even leave a little comment i'm 100% percent sure it would mean alot to them 🥺🖤 also as these fics contain smut no under minors allowed/interact... if you would like to share some of your favourites or just wanna ramble about fics you love send me an ask i love hearing from you guys and happy reading everyone till next time ✨🖤

a- angst s- smut f-fluff

series

dreamcatchers by @ggukcangetit f a

↬  DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.  

block party by @minlucent f s a

↬ moving into your new apartment brings back memories of your biggest mistake. neighbours au e2l

a little bit of your heart by @yoongiofmine f s a ft. myg

↬ you had everything you could ever dream of; the career of your dreams as a music producer, the best friends you could ever wish for, and a exes-turned-friends-turned-fuck-buddies relationship with min yoongi. you knew you and yoongi would never move past that and you were okay with it. Until a friend from your past comes back into your life, offering to give you everything you deserve, everything yoongi couldn’t. Will jungkook show you what you’ve been missing? Or will the new guy threaten yoongi enough to do something about it? 

lost stars by @/yoongiofmine f s a

↬ Jungkook was lost. He didn’t know who he was anymore, so he decided to leave and find himself. But he wasn’t expecting to find you along the way, an island girl who has no idea who he is. Jungkook has a secret. But so do you. idol au s2l

secrets we keep by @/yoongiofmine f s a

↬ Being a camgirl was never your main goal in life, but when the pandemic hit and you lost your job, you were desperate. Now, two years later, the world is back to normal and  you are one of the top creators of OnlyChingu; the South Korean version of OnlyFans. A website where idols hide behind anonymous profiles in search of that connection they lost during lockdown. Jungkook was never into this type of stuff. Until he ran into you. He knows you’re his perfect girl, his ideal type. Will he be able to put his own insecurities aside when chasing you? Or will you let the secrets you keep ruin you? idol au

i hate you, i love you by @jungblue s a

↬ You hated him at seven, warmed up to him at twelve, and liked him at fifteen. Now the two of you are twenty years old and inseparable best friends… and you’re absolutely in love with him; he’s in love too—just not with you. 

fatal attraction by @jungcock s a ft. kth

↬ your dangerous ex-boyfriend comes back to haunt you in more ways than one. exes au serial killer thriller

pub golf by @taleasnewastime f s

↬ One night. One stupidly hot man, who just keeps appearing in every pub you go to. Six friends. Nine pubs. Nine drinks. Ten million stupid rules. Let the chaos begin. s2l

animal by @cutaepatootie f s a

↬ boxer jungkook au ANGST

things you don't know by @btsgotjams27 a

↬ It’s been seven years since you last saw the boy that broke your heart. After moving back home, you try everything you can to avoid seeing him around town, but destiny has a wicked way of doing the opposite.

entangled by @caelesjjk f s a ft. kth

↬ Jeon Jungkook is Spider-Man. He saved your life twice. But he’s also been your sweet lab partner in college for the past two years and now someone who is more than just a friend. You care about him…maybe even love him. But something tells you that you aren’t quite sure what love even is. How could you when you have feelings for someone else as well? Kim Taehyung is the handsome stranger you’ve seen around campus and somehow ended up dancing with at Club Onyx. You were upset that Jungkook had stood you up once again and Taehyung made you feel like you were on top of the world. What you didn’t know that night, is the dark secret Taehyung is trying desperately to hide, but the closer the two of you get the more difficult that becomes.

when the end comes by @oddinary4bts f s a

↬ Seven years after you've started dating Jungkook, long distance creates a wedge in your relationship. When the only solution seems to be breaking up, you go your separate ways even though love still lives in the two of you. Will you find a way back together, or has the end come for you and Jeon Jungkook?

new girl by @jjkeverlast f s a

↬ after finding out your boyfriend of 6 years cheated on you, you find yourself moving in with three guys in a loft. what could possibly go wrong?

horizon by @/sokooks f s a

↬ The way you approached life had started to break down Jungkook's emotional barriers. Jungkook couldn't deny that he was drawn to you in a way that was entirely new and unfamiliar. You had become more than just an assignment; you had become someone he genuinely cared about. It was the way you made him feel. With you, he felt more human than he had in a long time. Despite his best efforts to remain detached, his heart had other plans. angel au

searching for nirvana by @/sokooks f s a

↬ he shouldn't be here. he shouldn't be touching you the way he was- but he was here before him. he was your friend, not him. he knew your body, not him. he wanted to be the only one to touch you the way you liked. he he wanted you to remember that. despite the fact that he already had someone waiting for him. best friends au cheating au.

twelve hours by @whatifyoulivelikethat s a

↬ you have twelve hours to make jeon jungkook fall in love with you. he's about to get married. you're the entertainment at his bachelor party - a burlesque dancer. long ago, he used to be the class representative and you used to be the class delinquent. nothing has changed and, yet, everything has.

when it all... by @7deadlysinsfics f a

↬ what’s there to do when your husband says he thinks he doesn’t love you anymore? you pick up the broken pieces the best you can and try to move on

better than me ? by @/7deadlysinsfics f s a

↬ jungkook is clear on what you both are to each other. still, he doesn’t want you to think anyone else is better than him

our first and our last by @thedefinitionofbts f a ft ot7

↬ The first time you met Jeon Jungkook was on your tenth birthday. On that day, he was nothing more than the strange man who jumped into a dark portal that suddenly opened in the middle of the park. The ten year old you just stood in the grass, strands of hair ruffling from the calm breeze that swooped by; head slightly tilted, bright, innocent eyes wide open and staring at him with wonder and disbelief. There was a certain amount of confusion, but your young mind was too naïve to question his actions or what they entailed. soulmate au

dancer in the dark by @gwoongi f s a

↬ Money can’t buy you happiness. Jeongguk, for the longest time, thinks he’s happy. Truthfully, Jeongguk doesn’t know what happiness is until you find him. rockstar au

together by @httpjeon f s a ft.pjm

↬domestic!au, couple!au, stoner!au, gamer!au

hot bot by @/httpjeon f s

↬ purchasing a Hot Bot wasn’t exactly something you ever really planned on. when you do, however, it sends your life down a path of convoluted government schemes and dark secrets.

stardust by @iamtaekooked f

↬ You didn’t believe in soulmates until you lay your eyes on Jeon Jeongguk, the younger brother of your best friend’s husband. That is when you see the red string beginning encircled around your pinky and ending in his

serendipity by @rohobi f s a

↬ After you reveal your inexperienced sexual status to your best friend, Jungkook grapples with the news, startled by the idea that the girl he always thought could get anyone, is a virgin. After finding his porn at 3AM, you decide that maybe it’s about time to stain the white sheets of your world with the colors of a forbidden fruit Jungkook seems to have in the palm of his hands.

chasing shadows by @colormepurplex2 s a

↬ Your job gets you into trouble sometimes. Who would have thought crime journalism would put so many targets on your back? But, it’s happening again, someone’s threatening you. Only, this time, it’s not just you that’s in the crosshairs. Your best friend, Enola, is out on assignment and can’t help like she usually does. So, what does she do instead? She sends her brother, Jungkook, armed with a magic bag, a charming smile, and deductive reasoning skills that prove his worth as one of the best PI’s around.

I gasp once, and in that breath, I accept you in by @inkofyoonkoo f s a

↬ In which Jungkook arrives to your small town to spend the holidays, and you slowly let go of all the ghosts of your past. s2l fwb au

sweet nothing by @adonis-koo f s a

↬ Being a guest at the Jeon Estate after a mishap of being kidnapped and dragged into your brothers affairs isn’t all that bad. Truth be told it brings you a lot closer to the mobster and owner of the estate Jeon Jungkook himself. His two rules are simple, don’t cause trouble and don’t give him a hard time. Somehow you manage to constantly do both in the most endearing way despite being pregnant and waddling around most of the time.

three's a crowd by @/adonis-koo s a ft. jimin

↬ When your mom’s fairytale life begins to bleed over into your world you’re suddenly caught between two men and one big secret, what was supposed to be a relaxing trip soon begins to spiral out of control. All you wanted was a free vacation… ceo au

sleepwalking by @taexual f s a

↬ due to unfortunate circumstances, you ended up managing your ex-boyfriend’s band. you thought you’ve both made peace with it, but suddenly he’s very eager to prove to you that first love never dies.

empty space by @ahundredtimesover f s a

↬ It started as friendship, turned to a casual fuck, then ended in heartbreak. Turns out, he wasn’t who he said he was, and years later he enters your life again, forcing you to face all the emotions you’d been trying to bury. 

OR Officer Jeon looks really hot in his uniform and you wish you didn’t hate him as much as you do.

as the world burns around us by @today-we-will-survive a

↬ You haven’t seen the sun in two years. The Virus wiped out a good three quarters of the world’s population and then the wars that followed wiped out half of that. After everything happened, it was only a matter of time before the different countries started blaming each other and emptied their nuclear arsenals. You’re still surprised Seoul survived – if you can call what it has become “surviving”

hotter than hell by @chateautae f s a

↬ jungkook, lucifer and king of hell, has been cast out of the crimson underworld for a reason he’s unsure of. embarking on his journey for the answer should’ve been easy, if it weren’t for you, the human that nurses his wounded body in her home, and accidentally witnesses the truth of his identity. kickstarting a hellish adventure with the devil himself, you discover lucifer is the most infuriating company ever; and jungkook finds out that maybe his answer to returning home lies within his annoying human confidant.

to turn a bad thing good by @/chateautae f s a

↬ jungkook’s drunken one night stand goes awry when he comes to learn not only is he being forced into an arranged marriage, but it’s to the very girl he abandoned that night—and things get a lot more complicated when you’re the best hookup he’s ever had.

J’aime by @baepop f s a

↬ You’re the newest hire at a local café and head barista Jeon Jungkook takes you under his wing.

Written in the Stars by @/baepop f s a ft. kth

↬ You’re the girl of Jungkook’s dreams, literally. The only problem: you’re taken by his best friend

make me forget by @roseannekook f s a

↬ You are the lead vocalist and main dancer of your company’s first girl group, but on the fourth promotion of your debut song things don’t go as planned. At the brink of an uprising scandal, you seek refuge in the bathroom stalls…and find it in the arms of no one else but BTS’ golden maknae Jeon Jungkook.

one of your girls by @ggukiepie s a ft. pjm

↬ fwb au college au fuck boy au inspired by the song

boy in luv by @/ggukiepie f s a

↬ just two idiot best friends in l*ve college!au, bff!jk, athlete!jk, student council president oc, cheerleader!oc

the boy who left by @/gujoonim a

↬ As your eyes staring deeply into your possible client-to-be’s eyes, something crossed your mind, it was that pair of eyes that you were looking for when you being abandoned at the aisle on your wedding day. ceo au

love sewn by @jvnghxope s a

↬ You’ve never cared about the thin-as-paper walls of your beloved apartment until Jeon Jungkook moved next door. You could hear everything –from his late-night parties on Saturday, to the quality time he spent with his girlfriend in the intimacy of his bedroom. One day, everything ceases. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and you find yourself knocking his door before you can think it twice.

not yet by f s @bratkook f s a

↬ jungkook feels the pang of guilt in his gut when you spot your recent ex out with his new girl, and what better way to make the jerk hurt than to have him believe you were now dating him, the neighbor he had been insecure about your whole relationship.

one shot

blazes of deceit by @periminkle f a

↬ when the opportunity to finally venture past the stone walls you’ve grown up in presents itself, you jump at the chance to discover the origin of those mysterious lights—even if the trip comes with a harsh truth and a suspicious, yet undoubtedly attractive, tour guide. tangled au disney au

southpaw by @starshapedkookie f s a

↬ Knowing Jeon Jungkook for the better part of your life, you thought you knew everything about him. Well, that was before you two disappeared from each other’s lives at least. When Jungkook suddenly finds himself buying you a coffee to rekindle your friendship, it leads to much more than you bargained for.

house of cards by @jeonggukingdom s a

↬ What does safe mean when you are chased by zombies, when every corner you turn could be the last one for you? What do words like home and future mean when you’re always on the run and every moment could be your last? They mean nothing and everything at the same time and Jeongguk is all of the above. He is your safe haven, he is your home and he is your future. But things like that crumble easily in your world.

enouement by @littlemisskookie s a

↬ War is Hell, but it’s what you had to do to take your brother’s place. Of course, between the days of Hell are little slices of Heaven you’d call your Captain, Jeon Jungkook. mulan au disney au

miss taken by @junghelioseok f s

↬you pride yourself on being a professional, but sometimes your students' parents really test your patience. single parent dilfjk jk e2l

the ex text by @shadowkoo f s a

↬ The 2 AM texts have started again. It’s a bittersweet familiarity that you can’t run away from, and despite wishing to forget him: no one will ever measure up to the exceptional standard set by your ex, and you’ll never have anyone as good as him either. Like a permanent mark on your heart, Jungkook’s presence has become an insatiable craving, an addiction you'll never outgrow or cast aside.

the proposal by @hansolmates f s a

↬Jeon’s the editor-in-chief for Big Hit Publishings, a closet romantic with a penchant for antagonizing his assistant on the reg. When his work visa is in the process of being renewed and he takes a trip to Norway, his eligibility to stay in America is on the line. However Jeon Jungkook doesn’t go without a fight, and in order to save his job he offers you a proposal you can't refuse. based on the movie the proposal e2l

red and gold by @/thedefinitionofbts f s

↬It’s no secret that genius, billionaire, international playboy, and philanthropist- Jeon Jungkook, better known as the CEO of Jeon Industries-and even better known as Iron Man, is one of the most intelligent, wealthy, and powerful men in the world. There’s nothing that can get to him or his ego, that is, until you happen to show up and give him a run for his money. 

burning bright by @snackhobi s

↬there are no secrets in the drift. if jungkook were to see the mess inside your head and heart, laid utterly bare, he’d turn away from you. based on the movie pacific rim

but we loved young by @jl-micasea-fics s a

↬Jungkook is everything you’re not, the ying to your yang. Your tight knit friendship nurtured from childhood survived the major life events that most don’t, and to that end, you suppose you’re fated to be together, until unrequited longing is eventually noticed, and boundaries are forever crossed.

the shoulder on which you cry by @lemonjoonah f s a ft. knj

↬ after moving away from your hometown five years ago, you’ve struggled on every return. each trip back being made out of haste due to an unfortunate event in your life. namjoon has always been there to help you through those moments. but when he can’t be there to support you during your current trip home, jungkook offers to stay by your side and be the comfort you need. 

illusion of choice by @hobibliophile f s a

↬ You’ve grown up with the Jeons, Jungmin and Jungkook, for as long as you can remember, your parents being very close. But little did you know that this is because you are in fact arranged to be married to the Jeon heir, Jungmin. However, a tragedy causes Jungkook to take up his brother’s mantle, and that includes becoming your fiancé.

the blue princess and her red rose by @/cutaepatootie f s a

↬ After all, he was her red rose, while she was just another one of the many blue roses that grew in the dying gardens of Greyria. princess au

rigor mortis by @readyplayerhobi f s a

↬ A night out at a bar results in you going home with a young and attractive police officer. But if you think the night was something to remember, that’s nothing compared to waking up to find a zombie outbreak in the city. A chance encounter with Officer Jeon leads to him helping you escape from the plague infested city.

lowkey by @joonbird s

↬ Jungkook is the nude model for your art school’s life drawing class.

part-time lover by @sketchguk f s a

↬there is no crime more perfect than marrying jeon jeongguk. your relationship is nothing more than a ruse - while your friends pester you for being perpetually single, jeongguk desperately needs a wife to complete the pristine image of a family, fooling his way through the parent interview at the nation’s most prestigious private school. only time will tell how deep your lies will run as you find home in one another’s minds. because untangled in the moonlight, he is but a spy, exposing a secret world of corruption, and you, an assassin, ridding the streets of danger one hit at a time. 

sweet apple biscuits by @rosaetae a

↬ a story about someone who receives letters from themselves ten years in the future and asks them to fix all their regrets and save a particular boy. inspired by the anime 'orange'

i'll be home by @wwilloww f s a ft.knj

↬ When your first love, Jungkook, disappeared from your village five years ago, no one thought he would return, let alone on the night of your betrothal to another man. 

white lies by @noteguk f s a

↬ in which Jungkook lies his way out of and into trouble. But he can’t tell white lies when it comes to you. 

yes coach by @/taleanewastime s

↬ You play in a local netball team and as a new season starts you have a new coach. Enter Jungkook, he may look soft, but he turns out to be a hard taskmaster, one who ruffles your feathers when he makes some changes to the team. Tensions grow between you through the weeks, until they finally reach breaking point.

spf 50 by @gimmeyoon f s

 ↬ If you have to spend your summer home from college working a job you hate, it might as well include sitting by the pool with Jungkook. Now if only kids could stop vomiting in it.

fifth wish by @jiminrings f a

↬ jeon jungkook, world-class socialite and nepotism baby, should be out every night to celebrate while he’s at his prime. why should he fake-date his bodyguard instead? alternatively, jungkook regularly throws coins to wishing wells with only one desire in mind — to get rid of you.

blacklisted by @/httpjeon s a ft. kth

↬after departing from your dom, you’re assigned to two incredibly powerful men.

↬looking for other jjk fics or the other members check out my library

 jeon jungkook fic rec list (Ⅴ)

here’s a list of my favourite jungkook fics, please show lots of love and support to these wonderful authors and their blogs, some of these fics contain smut so no minors allowed ♡

a- angst s- smut f- fluff

series

love to hate by @kpopfanfictrash f s a (enemies to lovers friends with benefits)

crybaby (2) (3) by @lavishedinjimin f s

monster by @btssmutgalore s a (frat boy bad boy jk college au)

bunny by @btssmutgalore s a (friends to lovers camboy jk)

desperado by @chocominnie f s a (mafia au)

redemption by @chocominnie f s a (sequel to desperado mafia au)

bands by @xpeachesncream f s a (idol au stripper au strangers to lovers au)

stockholm syndrome by @taleasnewastime f s a (mafia/gang au strangers to lovers)

birds by @missbickerbocker f s a (strangers to lovers doctor jk)

wanderlust with you by @amourtae f s (dilf jk married couple established relationship)

paddle with me by @yoongsgguktae s (enemies to lovers au camp counselor au)

f is for by @1kook s (fuck boy and fuck girl drabbles)

born sinner by @1kook s (virgin jk)

to build a home by @soft4gguk f s a (nanny au dilf jk ceo au)

stoic by @blue-jade s a (ceo au cheater jk)

↬ redemption s a (exes au part 2 of stoic)

like you used to by @bratkook

↬like you never did (part 2) s a (ex boyfriend jk toxic exes

deep six by @bratkook s a (infidelity au biker gang au)

bad for you by @yoonia s a (stripper au)

for me by @personasintro f s a (dilf jk neighbours au)

long way home by @sparklingchim f a (dilf jk friends to lovers)

ever ever after by @hansolmates f s a (dilf jk disney au fantasy au)

slow dancing by @yoonia s a (soulmate au) ft. Namjoon

graduation by @shina913 f s a (best friends to lovers slow burn)

one-shot

how long will we fall by @jiminrings f a (soulmate au unrequited love au friends to lovers au)

fuck me forever by @bangtangalicious s (friends with benefits au)

fuck me better by @bangtangalicious s ft.Taehyung

touch me wherever by @bangtangalicious s (innocent jk and reader loss of innocence au)

pour it up by @jungkxook s (fuckboys threesome) ft. Taehyung

just for tonight by @jungkxook f s (strangers to lovers)

my fault by @krreader a

catharsis by @junghelioseok s (college au friends with benefits au) ft. Jimin

waking up in vegas by @ppersonna f s (brother’s best friend accidental marriage)

the lighthouse by @rubycoast f a (mutual pinning strangers to lovers)

forever heart by @sparklingchim s a (exes au first love)

champagne problems by @smoochkooks f s a (friends with benefits kinda sugar daddy au)

christmas cream(pie) by @smoochkooks f s (established relationship au)

ready or not? by @chateautae s (college au)

slip'n slide by @sugasbabiie f s a (exes to lovers)

the lonely hearts club by @vantaenims f a (college au friends to lovers)

brother’s best friend by @bts-hyperfixation

hate sex by @yeoreos s (friends with benefits)

milestone by @1kook s (first time brother’s best friend)

it takes two by @junghelioseok s (roommate au fake dating au)

studio sessions by @writtenwhalien f s (brother’s best friend friends with benefits to lovers)

finishing line by @kooksbliss f s (strangers to lovers street racer au)

the art of war more by @kpopfanfictrash s a (jock jk enemies to lovers college au)

the maid of honor misadventures by @jjkthclub f s (maid of honor au one night stand au)

young god by @njssi s (brother’s best friend)

chasing butterflies by @ddaenggtan f s (college au nerd jk idiots to lovers)

an abundance of peaches by @yoongphoria f s a (best friends to lovers frat boy au)

↬looking for other jjk fics or the other members check out my library

You’ve Got Mail: Jungkook One Shot

Request: Hi! I really love your writings! If your requests are still open, can you pls write a Jungkook story? Ex-lovers in high school where he broke up with her because he got bored or something like that. Then they met again in university and wants her back again. (Angst but happy ending pls). Thank you!

Description: After a messy breakup with high school heartthrob Jeon Jungkook, you swore off dating once you got into college. Even though it left you lonely, it was easier than being hurt. But one fateful blind date changes everything for you, and you realize that maybe isolation isn’t the answer either.

Word Count: 12.9k

Pairing: Jungkook x (gender neutral) Reader

Tags: Barista!Reader, Graphic Design Student!Jungkook, Non-Idol!Au, Ex-Lovers to Enemies to Lovers (? I guess? Haha)

Genre: Whole lotta angst, fluffy ending

Warnings: None!

A/N: It’s been two weeks since I’ve posted wtf!! But I’m back and less than a week away from the Rose Bowl concert, holy cow. This ask has been in my inbox for MONTHS, so I need to say thank you to the anon who sent it for waiting so long! I really enjoyed this request, so I hope you guys like it too!

Also, if you want to follow me on Twitter please do so! My handle is @/plzpunchmebts. I would post a link, but rumor has it Tumblr killed links and I’m not taking any chances. I’ll be posting concert videos and pics there, so please give it a follow if you’d like to see that!

- Mercury

You were never too keen on blind dates. Everything about them felt…artificial. It wasn’t that you were a romantic, not especially, but you had to admit that being forced on a date by meddlesome friends took some of the magic out of dating. When Sua had mentioned a cute new boy in her class who was too busy studying to date, you had to admit the red flags began waving in your mind. Of course, you could relate. College was taxing and it was difficult to find time to even eat three meals, let alone date. Perhaps if things had cropped up organically, you’d have been more excited. But the forced union was a little cumbersome.

The nerves and the insecurity and the fear, none of it was especially fun. But Sua had been adamant that the two of you would hit it off, and with her eyes round and expectant, her brows raised, and her lips pouted, you really didn’t have any room to deny her. You figured one night of discomfort was better than months of guilt, and even though you figured things wouldn’t work out with this mystery man, you’d humor your friend. After all, making friends in college wasn’t easy.

Making friends in general wasn’t easy.

Keep reading

 jeon jungkook fic rec list (Ⅴ)

here’s a list of my favourite jungkook fics, please show lots of love and support to these wonderful authors and their blogs, some of these fics contain smut so no minors allowed ♡

a- angst s- smut f- fluff

series

love to hate by @kpopfanfictrash f s a (enemies to lovers friends with benefits)

crybaby (2) (3) by @lavishedinjimin f s

monster by @btssmutgalore s a (frat boy bad boy jk college au)

bunny by @btssmutgalore s a (friends to lovers camboy jk)

desperado by @chocominnie f s a (mafia au)

redemption by @chocominnie f s a (sequel to desperado mafia au)

bands by @xpeachesncream f s a (idol au stripper au strangers to lovers au)

stockholm syndrome by @taleasnewastime f s a (mafia/gang au strangers to lovers)

birds by @missbickerbocker f s a (strangers to lovers doctor jk)

wanderlust with you by @amourtae f s (dilf jk married couple established relationship)

paddle with me by @yoongsgguktae s (enemies to lovers au camp counselor au)

f is for by @1kook s (fuck boy and fuck girl drabbles)

born sinner by @1kook s (virgin jk)

to build a home by @soft4gguk f s a (nanny au dilf jk ceo au)

stoic by @blue-jade s a (ceo au cheater jk)

↬ redemption s a (exes au part 2 of stoic)

like you used to by @bratkook

↬like you never did (part 2) s a (ex boyfriend jk toxic exes

deep six by @bratkook s a (infidelity au biker gang au)

bad for you by @yoonia s a (stripper au)

for me by @personasintro f s a (dilf jk neighbours au)

long way home by @sparklingchim f a (dilf jk friends to lovers)

ever ever after by @hansolmates f s a (dilf jk disney au fantasy au)

slow dancing by @yoonia s a (soulmate au) ft. Namjoon

graduation by @shina913 f s a (best friends to lovers slow burn)

one-shot

how long will we fall by @jiminrings f a (soulmate au unrequited love au friends to lovers au)

fuck me forever by @bangtangalicious s (friends with benefits au)

fuck me better by @bangtangalicious s ft.Taehyung

touch me wherever by @bangtangalicious s (innocent jk and reader loss of innocence au)

pour it up by @jungkxook s (fuckboys threesome) ft. Taehyung

just for tonight by @jungkxook f s (strangers to lovers)

my fault by @krreader a

catharsis by @junghelioseok s (college au friends with benefits au) ft. Jimin

waking up in vegas by @ppersonna f s (brother’s best friend accidental marriage)

the lighthouse by @rubycoast f a (mutual pinning strangers to lovers)

forever heart by @sparklingchim s a (exes au first love)

champagne problems by @smoochkooks f s a (friends with benefits kinda sugar daddy au)

christmas cream(pie) by @smoochkooks f s (established relationship au)

ready or not? by @chateautae s (college au)

slip'n slide by @sugasbabiie f s a (exes to lovers)

the lonely hearts club by @vantaenims f a (college au friends to lovers)

brother’s best friend by @bts-hyperfixation

hate sex by @yeoreos s (friends with benefits)

milestone by @1kook s (first time brother’s best friend)

it takes two by @junghelioseok s (roommate au fake dating au)

studio sessions by @writtenwhalien f s (brother’s best friend friends with benefits to lovers)

finishing line by @kooksbliss f s (strangers to lovers street racer au)

the art of war more by @kpopfanfictrash s a (jock jk enemies to lovers college au)

the maid of honor misadventures by @jjkthclub f s (maid of honor au one night stand au)

young god by @njssi s (brother’s best friend)

chasing butterflies by @ddaenggtan f s (college au nerd jk idiots to lovers)

an abundance of peaches by @yoongphoria f s a (best friends to lovers frat boy au)

↬looking for other jjk fics or the other members check out my library

new fic?

HI EVERYONE!! It’s been a hot minute since I posted, right? Sorry, school’s been out for my ass :( However, it is winter break and I finally have the time to start writing again. I am currently almost done writing a ~3k-4k one-shot. It’s a jungkook x reader classic fluff/angst. I am planning on releasing it by the end of this week (thursday or friday). Please keep an eye out and give it lots of love. I worked really hard on it and I hope you will enjoy reading it <3333

always you 𓆩❤︎𓆪

~ pairing: non-idol jungkook x oc (y/n)

~ w.c: approx 4k :)

~ genre: fluff + angst

~ au: established relationship!jk x y/n, jk has trust issues but is the best boyfriend ever, oc is a tad bit dense, oc’s ex is annoying 

~ trope: miscommunication (but happy ending I promise <3)

~ warnings: none in particular, minor use of profanity, talk of insecurities and toxic relationships, implied sexual innuendos

~ tags: @mwitsmejk

~ summary: You don’t communicate and Jungkook doesn’t pry. Put those two together and throw in some insecurities with an annoying ex who doesn’t want to take a hint, you get miscommunication with a side of tooth-rottingly cute fluff. 

꒰◍ॢ•ᴗ•◍ॢ꒱

    Your eyes opened slowly, taking in the darkness of your room. A warm weight was pressed into the curve of your hips and soft snores could be heard near the base of your neck. 

You craned your head to get a glimpse of the sleeping figure behind you. Jungkook, your boyfriend of almost 2 years, slept peacefully. 

Shifting slowly, you turned around and lightly traced the strong lines of his jaw. He twitched at the your feather-light touches but remained deep in sleep. 

You smiled at the pure domesticity of your current position. It was a Sunday morning and the both of you had a rare off day. 

As you stroked Jungkook’s dark hair, you heard your phone chime from across the room.

You moved to detangle your legs from his. He groaned in protest and pulled your waist closer to his body. 

“Babyyy”, Jungkook whined, his raspy morning voice sent shivers down your spine. 

“I’m sorry, love. I just need to grab my phone. I’ll come right back, I promise”, you whisper into the crook of his neck. 

He gives a noncommittal sound but lightly released his iron grip on your waist. 

As you slowly and groggily made your way to your continuously buzzing phone, your boyfriend let out an irritated groan. 

“Good god, who the fuck won’t stop texting you?”, Jungkook sighed as he slowly positioned himself up into a sitting position. 

5 NEW MESSAGES FROM *DO NOT ENGAGE* [10:22 AM] 

Your eyes widened. What did he want? Is he back? 

“Baby?”, Jungkook asked curiously whilst wiping tiredness from his eyes, his observant eyes picking up on your mannerisms, “Is everything alright?” 

“Y-y-yeah”, you manage to stutter. “I’m going to the washroom” 

You quickly grab your phone and run to the washroom. 

Jungkook eyes narrow, as the gears in his mind started to turn. Something was wrong, who was texting you and why were you so spooked by them? 

Whilst Jungkook pondered about who texted you, you were practically on the verge of tears reading the text messages from your ex. 

- I miss you, y/n

- I know that you hate me but please meet with me one last time. 

- I’m going back home in a week and I want to clear everything up with you. 

- Please y/n, if you ever loved me, let me try to make things right. 

- I know you’re reading this. Meet me at Marie’s Bakery across the street from our old apartment at 3:00 PM on Saturday, i’ll wait for you. 

Bile started to form at the base of your throat and your heart started thumping violently. All the memories of you and Suho from back then came flooding into your mind. 

All the nights that the two of you spent dancing and all the morning that you two laid wrapped up in each other’s arms. 

However, the sweet memories lasted for a brief moment until all the sour and bitter moments started to flow in as well. 

Those nights where he would drink mindlessly, yelling and throwing everything in his sight. The days where he would ignore you because he saw you ‘whoring yourself out’ when you engaged in an conversation with a male colleague. 

More than anything, you remember how he ruined you; your pride, your confidence and your independence as a woman. And, how Jungkook had been the one who helped pick up the pieces of your soul that Suho mindlessly broke.

Suddenly, just the mere thought of Jungkook’s name woke you up from your trance, almost as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped on you. 

You looked in the mirror, frantically fixing your messy hair and trying to wash out the redness in the rims of your eyes. 

You took one deep breath and placed a smile on your face, walking out of the washroom. 

Jungkook still sat upright on the bed, shirtless. He was leant against the headboard of the bedframe and stared out the large window. 

Morning sunlight fell on his features, accentuating his doe eyes and his heart-shaped lips.  

It was a beautiful sight, almost picturesque. However, the expression on his face was what ruined the masterpiece. 

He looked anguished, almost on the verge of tears. His breathing was uneven and he seemed so hurt. 

He was so engaged in his thoughts that he didn’t even hear you crawl into the bed next to him. 

However, when you pressed your head into the crook of his neck and slid your cool hands across his torso, he jolted. 

He looked down at you, his eyes searching your face frantically, almost as if he were looking for something. 

“Baby...”, he started, taking your face in between his hands.

“I’m fine, my love. Don’t worry so much, okay?”, you whispered, kissing the tips of his calloused fingers. 

Jungkook opened his mouth, on the verge of asking all the horrible questions that had been brewing his head whilst you were gone but he decided against it. 

After all, he was the one who held you in his arms not anybody else, right?

The day passed by, with the two of you cuddled up against each other. You sat in his lap, a random TV show playing in the background. 

You felt a pair of strong hands move towards your waist, as you felt him pull you closer into his broad chest. 

Jungkook nuzzled into your hair and sighed. “I love you Y/N”, he said, dazedly. 

“I love you more Kook. You-”, you replied before bursting into a fit of loud giggles as Jungkook started tickling you. 

Everything was so blissful and happy. Until, you heard your phone ring. 

Jungkook’s eyes met yours, as you begrudgingly got up. He watched your timid form pick up the phone. 

Your breath quickened once you read the name of the caller, it was Suho. You quickly declined the call and slammed the phone down. 

You walked back to Jungkook and pulled him into your chest. Turning up the TV volume, you ignored the look of concern and worry that he sent you. 

By some cruel turn of fate, your voice messaging system must have been connected to one of the speaker’s in your home. Not even a minute had passed, until you heard the slurred words of your ex-boyfriend echo through your and Jungkook’s home. 

“Y/NNNN.. you didn’t respond to my texts. That offended me babyyy... I know you read my texts, how dare you not respond? I know how much you miss me baby. I miss you more. I saw you the other day, at the coffee shop that we used to go to all the time. You still wear the scarf that I gave you on our third anniversary, don’t you my love? That stupid buffoon of a boyfriend will never compare to me. Look, even now, 3 years after we broke up, you still have elements in your life that belong to me. Anyways, just wanted to let you know that I love you and I will make sure to remind you of how much better I am than your new boyfriend on Saturday”

Jungkook stiffened and his grip on you grew slack. His eyes frantically darted between your frame and the speaker. 

You refused to meet his eyes, as you felt tears start to pool. 

“Y/N?”, Jungkook’s wavering voice was the first one to break the almost pin-drop silence that enveloped your entire room, “What is he talking about?”

Your eyes widened. “Babe, Suho recently messaged me. He’s in town and wanted to meet up but I didn’t respond or anything”, you said quickly, reaching for his hand. 

He pulled his arm away as if you had burned him. He quickly stood up, his eyes flared with anger. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that he texted you?”, he asked with an accusing tone. 

“Excuse me? Jungkook, please baby... This is nothing, I didn’t tell you because this wasn’t important”, you tried to reason. 

“Not important?!”, he asked incredulously, “Your ex-boyfriend of almost 3 years, asks you on a date and you don’t tell shit to your current boyfriend?”

“Kook, please.. You’re overreacting babe” 

“Overreacting? God Y/N! Were you ever going to tell me that he texted? Or where you going to keep hiding shit from me? I bet you were gonna meet him on Saturday, I should’ve known that you still loved him. What was I thinking, of course you’d pick him over me”, he rambled. 

You got up from the couch in an attempt to reach for him. 

“Stop it Y/N! I swear you always leave me in the dark. Answer my questions, if I hadn’t heard this message, were you going to tell me that Suho texted? Were you going to meet him?”, he asked. 

You couldn’t meet his eyes as you felt your throat dry. 

His usually bright doe-eyes brimmed with tears at the lack of your answer. Loud sobs racked through his body, as he quivered. 

You wanted to comfort him, you wanted to wrap him in your arms and wipe his tears away. But you knew that you were the reason behind his tears and that hurt more than anything in the world, knowing that you were the reason why the man you loved was in pain. 

He looked up at the ceiling, taking deep breaths as he wiped away his tears. He started to grab his belonging and pack them into his backpack. 

His actions awoke you from your dazed trance. “Baby, please...”, you pleaded, “Let’s talk” 

“Y/N. I can’t even look at you, without hating you. I love you too much to be here right now. I don’t want to say something that I will regret. I think we both need time apart to realize what we want from each other”, he said in a stern tone, with his back to you. 

“Kook, all I want is you”, you cried harder, feeling wet streams of tears fall down your face. 

He stopped packing momentarily, recognizing your crying voice. He hated when you cried, because it made him feel like he was hurt too. 

He took a deep breath and slung his backpack over his shoulder. He briskly walked towards the door, not looking back once. 

As he opened the door, he stopped. 

“I love you, Y/N. I want you more than anything in the world. But I want you to choose what you want. If you want us to be together, you have to be all-in. You know what So-hee did to me, you know how much I hate deceit and lies. Until, you realize what you want, let’s not see each other. Please Y/N, we’re both hurting”, he said softly, “I hope to see you again, okay? As selfish and pathetic as it sounds, I want you to truely choose me”

You stayed silent, watching his retreating frame. 

You sniffed whilst wiping your eyes, it hurt your heart to let him leave. 

This couldn’t be the end, right?

As you trudged back into your and Jungkook’s shared bedroom, your mind kept wandering back to everything Jungkook had said earlier. 

Flashback (Start):

So-hee...

You remember So-hee and how much she hurt Jungkook. 

You and Jungkook used to be class-mates, sharing a single 8 am class. It was a stupid mistake on your behalf to take such an early morning class but you had forgotten to log on the portal earlier, thus leaving you with no choice but to take such an early class. 

So every morning at 8 am, you showed up to class looking like a total zombie. Coincidentally, next to you, was bright-eyed Jungkook, who happened to be an early bird. 

Taking pity on you, he brought you a coffee every morning and shared his notes with you. These little acts were the foundation of your friendship. 

Soon after, the two of you became close friends, with you beginning to develop a secret crush. 

However, this crush was suddenly halted when Jungkook introduced you to So-hee, his new girlfriend. 

So-hee was a beautiful woman, a year older than both of you and an active member of a sorority. She had voluminous caramel hair and plump lips that were always slathered in gloss. 

However, her external beauty did not match her personality, as her personality was shittier than a garbage truck. 

She was a literal bitch. 

She had a nasty attitude and shit-talked everybody, especially you. 

Obviously, poor oblivious Jungkook was too in love to realize how she was using him. 

Jungkook was so blinded by his love for So-hee, that when you confronted him about his girlfriend’s bitchy personality, he defended her. Thus, resulting in a halt in your friendship. 

During this time, you met Suho. Suho reminded you a lot of Jungkook; and being heartbroken and lonely, you did the only thing you could think of, sleep with him. 

Somehow, Suho charmed your broken heart and made you feel special. 

You blocked Jungkook on every app and pretended you didn’t know him out in public. You know that he tried contacting you and how he tried to apologize but was unsuccessful everytime 

For example, at a bar downtown, you and Suho had gone to party. Jungkook happened to be there with So-hee. Once he saw you, his eyes lit up. He tried to move through the crowd to get to you as you sat at the bar alone. Maybe it was fate, but the exact moment that he was about to tap your shoulder, you were whisked away towards the dance floor by Suho. 

Jungkook felt his heart clench as he watched you and Suho laugh together. Suho held you close to him, with his hands placed possessively over the handles of your hips. Whilst you draped your arms around his neck, bringing him down to your level. The two of you made out the entire night without realizing that Jungkook was watching with tears in his eyes.  

Jungkook heeded his defeat and stayed away from you. 

To this day, he will always say that this was his greatest mistake. Knowing that he loved you but not mustering up the courage to tell you. If only he was brave enough to tell the truth, he could’ve saved both you and him from a life-time worth of pain. 

Years went by, Suho became the only man in your life and all the empty spots left by Jungkook were filled up by Suho. You and Suho were like a dream, however, you eventually realized that all that glittered was not gold. 

Suho started to show his true colors; the possessive, manipulative and plain toxic version of himself. 

But by this time, you were in too deep. You loved him too much and you were too blinded. 

Maybe Suho’s behavior is what brought you closer to Jungkook. Because when you and Jungkook coincidentally met at Roma Café, you didn’t run away from him nor did you pretend that you didn’t know him.

You and him sat down and talked about life. Even though years went by since you two last talked, you told him all about Suho and the darkness that clouded your relationship. 

Jungkook eyes widened with pity, as he tried to tell you that this wasn’t love. But funnily enough, the tables turned and this time you were too blinded by love to realize that he was right. 

However, Jungkook loved you enough to stay by your side regardless of how much it hurt to see in such a toxic relationship with Suho. 

Within weeks after reconciling, Jungkook opened up his heart to you as well. Telling you about So-hee and how he found out that she had been actively cheating on him throughout their entire relationship. 

As he sobbed into your chest, you comforted him. You stroked his hair and whispered sweet nothings. Without even realizing it, you desperately wished that instead of returning home to Suho, you would return to Jungkook. 

These late nights with Jungkook did not go unnoticed by Suho. He grew angrier and angrier, day by day. Slut-shaming you, belittling you and even threatening you out of anger and spite. 

This was when you drew the line. One night after he finished his routine of calling you a ‘whore’ and storming out of the house, you packed up your stuff and left. 

You went to the only place you could and that was Jungkook’s apartment. 

When you showed up, rain soaked with 2 full suitcases, Jungkook said nothing and only opened his door wider to let you in. He wrapped you in his arms, the second you entered the threshold of his home, not caring that you were soaking his shirt. 

He comforted you, the same way you had done to him. He stroked your hair and whispered sweet nothings. He let you sleep in his bed and he pulled up the covers for you. He cooked warm meals for you and sat by you while you ate, encouraging you to eat more. He showered you in daily compliments and praises and urged you to block Suho on everything. And little by little with Jungkook’s support, you got over Suho and fell back in love with Jungkook. 

Flashback (End):

Your heart felt heavy. All you wanted right now, was to bury your head into Jungkook’s neck and cry. 

And that’s when it hit you, all you wanted right now was Jungkook. Not Suho, not anyone else, just Jungkook. 

You jumped out of bed and quickly grabbed a random hoodie from your closet (which happened to belong to Jungkook). 

You ran out of your apartment, heaving by the time you got to the entrance of the building. It was pouring and the sky was inky black. 

You didn’t know where he would go but you went with your gut. So within 7 minutes of sprinting in the rain, you arrived in front of Jimin’s house. 

You pressed the doorbell of his house, panting. Jimin opened the door cautiously, but upon seeing you and the state of your body, he quickly let you in. 

“Oh my god, Y/N! You’re drenched. Do you know what time it is?! It’s dangerous to be running outside so late at night. Take a seat and I’ll bring you a towel”, Jimin started, moving towards the bathroom to get you a towel. 

“Jimin, where is he?”, you muster out, voice cracking. 

“Y/N, please just dry off and I’ll tell you”, he says exasperatedly, “He’ll kill me if you get sick”

Within seconds, you dry off. Your mind was moving a mile a minute and the adrenaline from running was wearing off, leaving you sore, tired and cold.  

Jimin finally returned with a cup of steaming hot tea. He placed the mug on the table in front of you and took a seat opposite of you. 

“Jimin, please...”, you whispered. 

Jimin nodded, sighing deeply. 

“He’s in the room down the hall. Walk in quietly though, he probably fell asleep. Don’t mess up again, it took a lot of effort to get that big man-baby to stop crying. He loves you a lot, and I know you love him so please sort this out. I swear, I’m such an amazing friend to both of you. I deserve a raise, so you two better pay me back later”, Jimin said with a big teasing smile. 

You pushed his shoulder playfully and walked towards the door for Jungkook’s room. 

You took a deep breath and tried to calm your nerves, as you stood in front of the door. You contemplated on whether or not this was a good idea. However, the thought of seeing Jungkook again gave you the courage to finally twist the handle and walk into the room. 

The bedroom was dark and nothing felt familiar, other than the faint smell of Jungkook. 

The faint smell of familiar soap, was one that you automatically associated with Jungkook because it was a cologne that you bought him. He used it religiously, making your entire apartment smell like him and you came to the realization of how empty the apartment felt without Jungkook. 

As you stood at the doorway with a bated breathe, Jungkook stirred. You realized that you left the door open, the light from the hallway filtered into the dark room. You lightly shut the door when you heard Jungkook’s voice. 

“Y/N?”, he called out, groggily. 

Your eyes watered as you made your way to the edge of his bed. You kneeled near the head of his bed and clasped his hand in yours. You brought his hand up to your cheek and sobbed. 

“God, I’m so sorry. Jungkook. Baby, I love you so much and I am so sorry that I was stupid”, you choked out, your words were border-line incoherent. 

Upon hearing your sobs, Jungkook immediately broke out of his sleepy daze. He sat up and pulled into his lap, patting your back comfortingly. 

Your shoulders shook from the extent of your sobs as you buried your head into the crook of his neck, but your cries started to quiet as Jungkook soothed you. The simple action of being able to hold him close to you was enough to calm you down completely. 

Once you stopped crying, you moved up from his neck. You cupped his face in your hands and stared into his bright eyes. His hands firmly gripped your hips, as if he was scared you were going to run away. 

When he smiled his bunny-like smile at you, you smiled back. Overcome with nothing but hopeful bliss, you brought his lips up to yours and placed a sweet kiss on his lips. He responded immediately, kissing you back passionately. 

You kissed until you had to pull away to breathe. As you refilled you lungs with air, you caressed his jaw. Pushing away awry strands of hair, you giggle again. 

“I missed you, baby”, Jungkook whispers. 

“I missed you more. I’m sorry about what happened today. I should’ve told you about Suho but honestly I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to stress you out. I was just going to meet him to get closure. I want to cut him out of my life for good, Kook. I love you and only you, I want him out my life so I can love you more freely”, you explained. 

Jungkook nodded, “I understand, baby. I was in the wrong too. I should’ve trusted you and let you explain. But Y/N, you can tell me about these things, okay? I’m your boyfriend, and I want to know about these things in your life”

You smiled and pecked his lips as a sign of understanding. 

He smiled and pulled your head down to kiss you again. He rested his forehead against yours and sighed. “I was worried that you wouldn’t come. I couldn’t stop crying, I probably cried myself to sleep. I missed you so much, you know?”, Jungkook whispered, “I’m glad you’re here now though. Actually, hang on a second, how did you get here?” 

You laughed nervously and rubbed the back of your neck, “Uh- I ran here...” 

“In the rain?!”, Jungkook asked, “Baby, it’s pouring outside! Don’t tell me you got soaked in the rain” 

You laughed and pecked his nose, before attempting to slide off of him. 

“Nooo, babyyy. Stay on top of me. I missed you too much to let you go”, he whined childishly. 

“Kook, I’m not leaving. Just wanted to cuddle next to you, I’m too heavy for you, you’ll lose circulation to your thighs”, you laughed. 

“No, I won’t babe. I’ve been working out my thighs so that I can keep you on top of me forever” 

You laughed but still slid off of him and lay down on the pillow next to him. 

You felt him turn to you and wrap his arms around your waist, his face buried into your neck. 

He sighed happily. “I love you, baby”, he whispered drowsily. 

“I love you more, Kook”, you whispered back, listening to his breathes even out, a clear indication that he had fallen asleep. 

You sighed happily, tightening your hold on Jungkook’s hand and fell into deep slumber, wrapped in the embrace of a man who you loved more than anything in the world. 

------------------------------------------------------

A/N: WOW!! Congrats if you read all of that!! Thank you for taking the time to read my work. This fic is something that I had in my drafts for a while but due to school, I wasn’t able to work on. But thankfully, winter break is doing me a solid and giving me time to write. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. Please make sure to leave a like, comment and let me know your thoughts. I’m trying to segue way back into writing again, so feel free to reblog and share this story with others (with proper credits ofc). Once again, I love you all and thank you so much for you support <333333 

- iris ♡

 jeon jungkook fic rec list (Ⅴ)

here’s a list of my favourite jungkook fics, please show lots of love and support to these wonderful authors and their blogs, some of these fics contain smut so no minors allowed ♡

a- angst s- smut f- fluff

series

love to hate by @kpopfanfictrash f s a (enemies to lovers friends with benefits)

crybaby (2) (3) by @lavishedinjimin f s

monster by @btssmutgalore s a (frat boy bad boy jk college au)

bunny by @btssmutgalore s a (friends to lovers camboy jk)

desperado by @chocominnie f s a (mafia au)

redemption by @chocominnie f s a (sequel to desperado mafia au)

bands by @xpeachesncream f s a (idol au stripper au strangers to lovers au)

stockholm syndrome by @taleasnewastime f s a (mafia/gang au strangers to lovers)

birds by @missbickerbocker f s a (strangers to lovers doctor jk)

wanderlust with you by @amourtae f s (dilf jk married couple established relationship)

paddle with me by @yoongsgguktae s (enemies to lovers au camp counselor au)

f is for by @1kook s (fuck boy and fuck girl drabbles)

born sinner by @1kook s (virgin jk)

to build a home by @soft4gguk f s a (nanny au dilf jk ceo au)

stoic by @blue-jade s a (ceo au cheater jk)

↬ redemption s a (exes au part 2 of stoic)

like you used to by @bratkook

↬like you never did (part 2) s a (ex boyfriend jk toxic exes

deep six by @bratkook s a (infidelity au biker gang au)

bad for you by @yoonia s a (stripper au)

for me by @personasintro f s a (dilf jk neighbours au)

long way home by @sparklingchim f a (dilf jk friends to lovers)

ever ever after by @hansolmates f s a (dilf jk disney au fantasy au)

slow dancing by @yoonia s a (soulmate au) ft. Namjoon

graduation by @shina913 f s a (best friends to lovers slow burn)

one-shot

how long will we fall by @jiminrings f a (soulmate au unrequited love au friends to lovers au)

fuck me forever by @bangtangalicious s (friends with benefits au)

fuck me better by @bangtangalicious s ft.Taehyung

touch me wherever by @bangtangalicious s (innocent jk and reader loss of innocence au)

pour it up by @jungkxook s (fuckboys threesome) ft. Taehyung

just for tonight by @jungkxook f s (strangers to lovers)

my fault by @krreader a

catharsis by @junghelioseok s (college au friends with benefits au) ft. Jimin

waking up in vegas by @ppersonna f s (brother’s best friend accidental marriage)

the lighthouse by @rubycoast f a (mutual pinning strangers to lovers)

forever heart by @sparklingchim s a (exes au first love)

champagne problems by @smoochkooks f s a (friends with benefits kinda sugar daddy au)

christmas cream(pie) by @smoochkooks f s (established relationship au)

ready or not? by @chateautae s (college au)

slip'n slide by @sugasbabiie f s a (exes to lovers)

the lonely hearts club by @vantaenims f a (college au friends to lovers)

brother’s best friend by @bts-hyperfixation

hate sex by @yeoreos s (friends with benefits)

milestone by @1kook s (first time brother’s best friend)

it takes two by @junghelioseok s (roommate au fake dating au)

studio sessions by @writtenwhalien f s (brother’s best friend friends with benefits to lovers)

finishing line by @kooksbliss f s (strangers to lovers street racer au)

the art of war more by @kpopfanfictrash s a (jock jk enemies to lovers college au)

the maid of honor misadventures by @jjkthclub f s (maid of honor au one night stand au)

young god by @njssi s (brother’s best friend)

chasing butterflies by @ddaenggtan f s (college au nerd jk idiots to lovers)

an abundance of peaches by @yoongphoria f s a (best friends to lovers frat boy au)

↬looking for other jjk fics or the other members check out my library

When She Loved Me

[Summary]: How does one live when life is bound to end? 

[Theme]: Terminally Ill Reader, Non Idol AU, CEO Jungkook AU, Engaged AU, Married AU

[Rating]: 18+ for sexual themes and innuendoes, a truly heart wrenching piece. Please read with caution and with full intent to break your own heart. 

[Word Count]: 11,265

[A/N]: I truly broke my soul with this one. If you really want to cry, listen to my muse for this piece: “When She Loved Me” by Sarah McClain (yes, the one from Toy Story) or "Stuff We Did" by Michael Gaicchino (from UP)

[Materialist]

It’s spring — your favorite time of year. The air is brisk, but the sun warms his skin despite the chill in the air.

He watches the cherry blossoms fall dramatically as the wind pushes through the branches of the trees. They flow through his hair, catching on his clothes and his skin. 

He thinks about you as they whirl around the city, wondering if you’re able to see the blossoms through your window.

Jungkook doesn’t have to check into the hospital anymore. He’s become a regular there. In fact, he’s come so often, he knows the names of all the nurses on your floor. Jungkook is a friendly guy, and he’s come to know each nurse quite well.

Your personal nurse, Nurse Sandy, greets him as he makes an appearance on the 4th floor. Jungkook gently wraps his hand around the knob to your room, just about to push it open until she speaks.

“You won’t find her in there, love,” she smiles. She finishes cleaning up an area on a movable cart before she officially turns his way. “She’s up on the roof,” she points to the door at the end of the hallway.

“Ah,” Jungkook shyly bows in thanks. His hand comes up to rub the hairs at the back of his neck. There’s a sense of slight slight awkwardness in the air from his mistake. 

“She’s been up there for a while,” she explains.

Jungkook simply nods before telling her that he’s going to join you. She lets him go, watching the grown man make his way towards you.

He catches you leaning against the metal bars encasing the rooftop. Your arms are folded against the railing, and your leg is crossed over the other as you stare out into the openness of the city. He can imagine your face — eyes closed and a content smile on your lips — as the breeze takes over your body.

You’re beautiful, even standing with your back faced to him; even with a cart of fluids attached to one side of your body, and an oxygen tank placed on the other. Nothing can take away from you.

“You can say something, you know,” you break the silence.

Jungkook feels his heart nearly leap out of his body. He didn’t know how long he had been standing there. Or how long you knew he was standing there. Embarrassment floods his cheeks as he clears his throat.

“S-Sorry,” he laughs. Jungkook makes his way over to you, leaning his arms against the metal just as you are.

“The weather is perfect, Kook,” you sigh in content. When he looks to you, his imagination is confirmed reality: your eyes are closed and your lips are lips pulled up in the most delicate way. A clear tube stretches across your cheeks, but it doesn’t take away from your beauty. You’re you, and he finds himself staring in admiration as the cherry blossoms flow around your delicate frame. It’s like they’re pulling you into the spring.

“Your cheeks are cold,” he observes. The redness of your nose and the red skin at the corners of your eye do little to hide from how the weather effects you body.

“Are they?” He watches you open your eyes, gently touching your cheeks with your fingertips. “Oh—I guess they are. I hadn’t noticed,” you smile. “Winter is still in the air, but I couldn’t just sit in that room and watch the blossoms fall from the window.”

“I got a scarf if you want,” he suggests.

You attempt to refuse, but he’s already pulling it out of his bag and gently wrapping it around your neck and shoulders. He’s careful with the cords, not wanting to damage or ruin anything as he wraps you in his clothes.

Once he has situated the scarf a few more times, he’s looking at you, a content smile on his face. He loves moments when you let him do this—when you let him engulf you with his warmth. It makes him feel special.

You’re leaning against his chest in the next few moments, wrapping your arms around his waist and sighing against his chest. You missed him. Even though you he visits you everyday, you miss him in every moment he is gone.

Jungkook rubs your back, one of his hands pressing your head into his chest as he places a kiss on top of your scalp.

“How long have you been out here?” He asks you.

“Since this morning.” His chest rises from your words. You stop him with your own, knowing what he was about to reprimand you for. Don’t worry, I ate,” you chuckle, poking his chest. You knew that was going to be his next question. “Nurse Sandy has been out here with me for most of the day, waiting for you to come and give her a break.”

Jungkook chuckles, holding you closer against him when a strong breeze blows against the two of you. He protects you from it, turning you gently so his back shields your body from the wind.

“I hate being in there,” you mumble. He almost doesn’t here it, but if it wasn’t for the small break in the wind he probably wouldn’t have. “I wish I could sleep next to you again.”

“I know,” he kisses your head again. “You’ll get out of here soon. I know it.”

You don’t say anything. Instead, you rest your chin on his chest, staring up at him with curious eyes.

“What?” He laughs, tucking your hair behind your ear. It’s become thin, the nutrients it had just a couple years ago has been completely sucked out. But Jungkook doesn’t mind. As long as you don’t mind, he’s alright. Everything about you is beautiful. You could be bald or patching or have the worst allergic reaction on your skin from some of the medications you take, but he wouldn’t care. Behind all that is you, and he loves your soul with all of his.

“Nothing,” you give a small smile. It seems forced, but Jungkook pays no mind. He knows not to expect too much—your mind has been haywire lately, thinking and thinking and thinking. He knows you’re stressed and exhausted.

It’s been two years since you got sick. He’s been there the entire way, watching you change and get angry at the world and try your best to just suck it up and wait to get better. But he knows how hard you’re trying to be positive. He knows it’s the hardest thing to harbor when you’ve been waiting so long for just some good news.

But he also knows you need a rock to lean on; hell, he’d turn into one physically if that’s really what you needed. He’s been there for you as a shoulder, as a weight to keep you grounded. Though you might have a hard time seeing any positive in the world, he would always see something positive in you.

“You wanna watch that new anime?” Jungkook breaks the silence. “The one on Netflix you saw the last time we were browsing through shows?”

“Yes!” You exclaim. “I’m so glad you brought that up because it’s taco night in the cafeteria and I was so excited to bring back an old tradition.”

You’re referring to your taco and Netflix nights a while back before all this happened. It used to be your thing to do with him. Your “date night”, one could say. It’s been hard to get permission to bring in outside food from the hospital, though. So you were nearly jumping out of your bones, your heart monitor going crazy, when Nurse Sandy told you about taco night.

“They’re probably not going to be ‘Maria’s Flaming Taco’s’ good, because it’s crappy hospital food, but I don’t even care,” you explain. “I just want to be with you.”

Jungkook smiles at your reaction, the butterflies in his tummy doing nothing to hide the way your happiness fuels his affection for you. 

“It’s a date, then,”  he nudges his nose against yours. He plants a small kiss on your lips afterwards, allowing himself to feel you on his skin.

A part of his head tells him to savor it, because he never knows when the last time might be that he gets to kiss you so. But the largest part of him, the part that’s been keeping him together during all of this, tells him that moments like this will come again. That hope is in the air as spring brings about new life.

You’re going to be alright. Everything is going to be alright.

__________________

“How’s about this one?” Jungkook points to the shiny diamond below the clear casing. There’s a a collection of earrings, necklaces, and bracelets surrounding the specific jewel he points out.

“Hmm,” you hum, tucking your hair behind your ear as you stare down at the diamond. It’s huge — extremely dramatic in size and way too detailed. “I don’t think it represents us that well,” you candor.

“You’re right,” Jungkook sighs. He runs his hands though his hair in slight frustration.“I feel like we’ve been looking at these for forever.”

“I told you: I’m fine without an engagement ring, baby,” you coo. Your arms come to wrap around his own, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I know,” he groans. “But I wanted to do it properly. With a ring. On one knee. All that traditional sappy stuff.”

“Hey, I liked how you proposed,” you pout. “It was romantic.”

“We were in the shower, babe. I was like…2 seconds away from shoving my dick in you,” you fiancé mumbles the last part.

You laugh at that, softly clutching his arm before a certain ring catches your eye.

“Kook,” you gasp, pointing your finger at the gem. “Look at that one.”

Before he has time to respond, you’re already pulling him toward the ring. You point at it through the glass, gasping in awe at its beauty.

The ring represents your relationship with Jungkook perfectly. A small, plain band with a giant emerald-cut diamond paced at the center. It doesn’t have any of that extra stuff to it. Just a classic diamond on a classic band: a timeless ring that incorporates a little bit of you and a little bit of him.

“Are you looking to buy?” The clerk on the other side of the case asks.

Jungkook looks down to you, asking you with his eyes if you’re sure this is the one. You simply nod your head, a smile forming on your lips.

“Can we try it on?” He asks the clerk.

“Of course!”

The man unlocks the case, gently pulling the ring out onto the table.

“It’s a 4.20 carat,” he starts, pulling the diamond from the velvet floor it was ground to. “It comes in a range of 2 carat to 5 carat in case this one is a little high, or a little low for your intentions. Feel free to try it on and see what you think.”

Jungkook gently handles the diamond, putting his other hand out asking for your own. You place your fingertips on his, and your fiancé slides the diamond on your ring finger slowly.

He observes the ring on your hand. It’s a perfect look. Everything he was looking for and everything you wanted — a perfect mixture of the two of you in one object.

Jungkook nods, a small chuckle falling out of his lips when you shimmy the diamond around, catching the light as the diamond reflects it.

“Do I look like your fiancé?” You ask, intertwining your fingers with his.

“Fuck, yeah you do,” he laughs. “It’s perfect, Y/n.” Jungkook let’s go of your hand, instead choosing to hold your ring finger, examining it before he turns to the clerk. “We’ll take it.”

“Congratulations!” He exclaims. “Would you like this size? We can talk prices over here. Are you paying, sir?”

“We both—” you start. But Jungkook is quick to interrupt.

“I am, yes,” he says.

“Kook,” you scold him in a whisper. This ring is set at 65,000 dollars. There’s no way you’re letting him take care of this on his own.

“It’s alright,” he smiles down at you. “This was how it was supposed to go anyways. I buy the ring, you have no idea, then I propose, then you’re like: ‘Omg Kook! I can’t believe you chose such a beautiful amazing ring! You’re my hero!’,” he changes his voice to what you’d guess is a mocking of yours.

“Shut up,” you laugh at his interpretation.

“Seriously babe, I got it,” he kisses your forehead. “You’re marrying the CEO of the biggest software company in Korea. I got the extra cash.”

“Prick,” you pinch him. “Go talk sales. I’m gonna look around.”

Jungkook nods, letting you detach yourself from him as he follows the clerk behind the counter and into one of the rooms.

A very long a boring conversation goes on with the clerk for a while. Pamphlets and ordering arrangements, ring cases and polishes are given to Jungkook to choose from. He’s confident enough to make final decisions on it all. You already said yes, so he’s content in knowing that you’d definitely say yes when he does it all over again.

He’s inserted his blackcard into the machine when he hears sudden gasps and a yell for help from one of the employees outside of the room. 

“Oh no. A robbery?” The clerk looks out the door. He shakes his head in disappointment until someone shouts ‘call an ambulance’. 

Both the men are out of their seats and making their way to the main room in haste, eager to see what could be going wrong.

Jungkook looks for your face, and a panic settles in his stomach when he can’t find you. Quickly, he paces to the crowd, pushing through the people until he’s met face to face with yours on the ground, unconscious.

There’s blood leaking from your nostrils and one of your ears, the liquid dashing across your face as it continues to leak out of your body.

This can’t be happening. No way. Nooo way. You were just here, clutching onto his arm and laughing with him. What wen’t wrong?

“Get out!” He nearly screams at the people to move. The crowd moves, recognizing him as the man that was just with you a few minutes ago. Jungkook crouches next to you, placing a hand under your neck and another on your pulse.

“Y-Y/n, baby, can you hear me?” He asks.

Luckily, your heartbeat is there, but it’s very weak. Confusion and fearful adrenaline pumps through his veins when you don’t answer, just the dead weight of your head lulling while he gently holds it in his hand.

Before he can do anything else, there’s a paramedic crouching on the other side of you.

“Don’t worry,” she assures him. “We got her.”

There’s little time for him to respond, because two other paramedics push him out of the way, lifting your body as if it had no weight onto a movable bed. He follows after you and panics by your side until you’ve finally awoken in room 456 of the nearest hospital.

__________________

“Jungkook,” you whisper to him. It’s dark in your room. The sun has set and the lights were turned off long ago when Nurse Sandy brought in the projector for you two to use. You want to say your tacos were finished nearly two hours ago.

Now, your boyfriend rests, cuddled to your side on your small hospital bed, arms wrapped around you and head placed on your chest.

You two have been at it, watching “Way of the House Husband” since this afternoon. You’re almost certain he’s fallen asleep a few times, this being one of them.

“Love,” you gently shake him.

Jungkook stirs, his eyebrows crinkling and his hand clutching yours a little tighter.

“You have to wake up, Kook,” you kiss his head. “You’re not supposed to be here past 12.”

“Don’t care,” he mumbles against your skin. “I want to sleep next to you.”

“I want that, too,” you sigh. “But you know we can’t. I have treatment at 5am.”

At that, Jungkook sits up sleepily, crossing his legs on the spot he was laying. “They’re too harsh on you,” he says.

“What would you know, Dr. Jeon?” you laugh, poking his chest.

“5am is too early for chemicals and medicine and radiation and—”

“It’s okay,” you stop him. “I asked for that time slot, anyways. Get’s it done and over with so I can leave the rest of the day to spend with you.”

Jungkook smiles at that, but there’s a certain pang in his heart he doesn’t understand why he feels. His eye catches sight of your engagement ring on your finger, gulping at the memory as he holds it in his hand.

“Y/n,” he whispers your name, moving his thumb over your ring finger.

“Hm,” you hum.

“Do you think,” he starts. But the words are hard to get out. He doesn’t like flaunting his insecurities like this to you, especially about this matter. He should be strong, should be unwavering. But he can’t help it. “Do you think we’ll be able to live together again? To go back to it all. Like how it was before.”

You gulp at his words. You were worried about this question. Mainly because you don’t know the answer yourself. It’s something that pushes you forward everyday, something that gets you though the pain. Going back to your old life, marrying your best friend, starting a family and living life together. It’s everything you need to imagine to push yourself harder. To get better.

But recently, you haven’t been showing any progress. Your sickness is getting worse, and it’s something you refuse to tell Jungkook. Something that you’re hiding from him in hopes that if you keep it low, it will eventually smoothen out on its own. You’re just impatiently waiting for the day it does.

“I don’t know,” you candor. “But it’s all I think about. Memories of us before all this play in my mind constantly. I imagine our future all the time,” you squeeze his hand. “The both of us healthy and back to life.”

“I imagine it, too,” he sends a soft laugh. “I miss you, Y/n.”

There’s a lump in your throat at his confession.

It’s hard to live like this. So unbelievably hard.

Yes, you’re sick. And yes, it’s painful to go through the treatment process. But all of that is second to the pain your feel when you realize what you’ve done to him and all you s put him through.

You’re thankful your fiancé has made it nearly everyday to come to you while you stay cooped up in here. But you can’t help but feel selfish about it all. There have been times when you almost called off your relationship, the pain too much to imagine if he were to watch you pass or to watch you deteriorate until you do. How you know it would destroy him, how you know it already is.

It’s painful to see him clutch onto hope, to look at you as if it’s the last time he ever will. Though he thinks you cannot see it, you can. That look he gives you every once in a while, taking in your face, memorizing it when he thinks you’re not looking. It’s so hard to watch him go through all of this. He shouldn’t have to.

But Jungkook is relentless. He’s scared out of his wits about the possibilities of the future. But he knows you are, too. And he can’t leave you alone in your fear. He can’t abandon his love just because some pesky illness decided to create a little bump in the road.

“We should get married,” you confess.

“We are getting married,” Jungkook says.

“No, now. We should get married now, Jungkook,” you squeeze his hand again. This time, Jungkook looks at you differently. The soft glow of the moonlight shows your features to him, caressing your face with the light.

“I thought you wanted to wait until you got better,” he recalls.

“I don’t want to wait anymore, Kook. It’s been two years,” you gulp. “I want you as my husband.”

There’s a quiver in your lip when you utter the last sentence. The tears flood your eyes, and Jungkook is quick to pull you into his embrace.

“I want to be your wife, Jungkook,” you cry into his chest. “Before it’s too late.”

“No,” he sternly holds your shoulder. “Don’t say that, Y/n.”

“I’m scared,” you confess in a mutter.

Jungkook feels a soft drop from his own eye fall down his cheek. Fuck, if he wasn’t just as scared as you are. He’s terrified. But to hear you say it, he wants to protect you. He’d gladly take more fear, more terror and fright, if it meant you felt safe. If it meant you felt like everything was going to be okay.

“I know, baby,” he kisses your scalp. “But I’ve got you.”

__________________

“Ms. Y/l/n,” the doctor walks in.

Your mother is by your side, sitting on the chair. Jungkook is on the other, clutching your hand in his own at the sound of the doctor’s voice.

The doctor looks over at your mom, and then to Jungkook.

“Excuse me,” he starts, gently smiling at your fiancé. “This conversation has to be confined to family members. Please understand. It’s just conduct of the hospital.”

You gulp, looking up at Jungkook with a fear in your eyes. He gently smiles at you, though. Telling you it’s going to be okay, even without him there.

“I’ll be right out side,” he kisses your head. “Not going anywhere.”

“Okay,” you let out a shaky breath. Jungkook lets go of your hand, making his way out of the room. Your hand feels cold now that he’s gone, and you find yourself staring at the way he anxiously runs his hands through his hair when he exists the room.

He stands awkwardly as he waits for the conversation to be over. It’s been almost an hour of him pacing and sitting, and looking on his phone as thoughts consume his mind.

Everything happened so fast and so unexpectedly. What was just a happy day, the day you choose what form his promise would represent in a ring, turned unto a night full of fear. Not in a million years did he think the next few hours would be spent pacing, just as he is now, outside of a hospital room.

The door to your room opens, and the doctor steps out. The man gives Jungkook a tense smile before motioning his hand toward the room, telling him it’s okay to enter. Jungkook takes a deep breath, sitting up from his spot and appearing in the doorway.

He watches you from the door. Your mother has you in her embrace, her eyes closed as she holds you tight. He’s unable to make out her expression.

You’re muttering something to her, and she opens her eyes to meet with his. Your mom send a small smile his way until she’s back on you, telling you that he’s waiting for you.

You clear your throat, wiping at your face before you take a deep breath. You tell your mom it’s okay to let him in, and your mother nods at Jungkook, telling him he’s welcome.

“Is everything okay?” he asks you, gently sitting at the end of the bed.

Your eyes are red at the corners, and you lips are puffy in the way they always are when you cry. He feels a pang in his heart at your face. He’s never seen you in a state like this. It tempts him to let his own emotions flow, but this is not his time. You’re hurt, and he needs to be there for you.

“Yeah,” you nod, a small chuckle escaping your lips. “I’m just gonna have to stay here for a bit.”

Jungkook gulps at your words, trying to shoot the fear down.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

“I’m just a little sick, is all,” you grab his hand, playing with his fingers. “I’ll be alright.”

“H-how sick?” he dares to ask. It’s a small question, but one that felt so heavy to say aloud.

“Sick enough to say that this room might be my home for a little while.”

__________________

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Nurse Sandy shakes her head. “But you have been cleared.”

“Really?!” you exclaim, nearly hopping out of your hospital bed. The IV in your arm prevents you from leaping into the woman’s arms, and you’re stuck to squealing on your mattress.

“Just for two months,” she says. “And you still have to carry your oxygen tank and do your treatments in the morning and make sure that you’re coming in for check-ups.”

“I will! I promise I will—oh my god,” you gasp. Your hands come to cover your mouth as you think about what these next two months hold for you. “How am I going to tell Jungkook?”

“Maybe you can start by meeting him at home?” Nurse Sandy suggests. “Make it a little surprise.”

“That’s perfect!” you say, taking the IV out of your arm and tearing the sheets off your body. “Oh god, I’m so excited. Do you have a change of clothes?”

“Of course,” she laughs.

Nurse Sandy turns away, probably going to where the spare clothes are. Meanwhile, you’re left alone in your room, a racing heart and a mind imagining just how you’re going to surprise your fiancé. You know you’re still not doing well, but you’ve asked the doctor, surgeons, and nurses if you could just have a month or two to get married. Just a month or two to be outside of here while you tie the knot with your best friend. Honestly, you didn’t think you’d get any approval at all. You’ve already started planning a hospital wedding. But today’s news shocked you. You’re beyond ecstatic. You don’t even know where to begin.

“Put these on and meet me downstairs. We’ve got a schedule for you and an entire two months of supplies for you to take home. Plus an on-call personal nurse you can call at any time you need one at home,” Nurse Sandy says. She hands you a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that feel way too thin and large to keep any warmth in. But you’re happy to take them and get out of this stupid hospital gown for once.

“Okay,” you beam.

Nurse Sandy makes her way out, but you stop her before she has the chance to close the door.

“Nurse Sandy?” you call.

“Yes?” she stops, looking back at you from the doorway.

“Thank you,”

She gives you a smile, happy to see you cheer up.

“Of course,” she nods. “Next time I’ll see you, you’ll be Mrs. Jeon.”

You blush at the title.

“Hell yeah, I will.”

__________________

You feel the nerves shoot through your system when the hospital’s driver arrives at your apartment complex. It’s been two years since you’ve ventured in here. You wonder how much your home has changed. You wonder how Jungkook has been living in it all by himself.

It’s during the daytime, so Jungkook has probably left for work already. You feel excitement thinking about him again. You can’t wait to see his reaction.

The driver stops in front of the entrance, telling you that you’ve reached your destination. He comes around, pulling the door open for you and helping you pull out your oxygen tank.

“I’ll get the stuff in the back,” he says. You nod to him, your thumb harshly smoothing over the key fob Jungkook gave you about five years ago to his apartment.

With shaky hands, you press it to the inner door to the complex, and you sigh in relief when a positive beeping noise and the sound of doors unlocking rings in your ears. You press the handicapped button to the door for the driver, who carries a few extra oxygen tanks and bags of prescription medicines and other things you may need during your much needed time with your fiancé.

The driver thanks you, and you reply back to him before showing him the way to the elevator.

It’s a long ride up. 38 floors of apartments make the wait in the elevator all the more anticipating. You can’t wait to smell home again.

“It’s this one,” you say, nodding to room 3860 at the end of the hallway. Jungkook has a corner apartment, which mean’s it’s the biggest on the floor. You press the key fob to the lock, and it flashes a green light at you, telling you it’s been accepted.

The smell of home engulfs you. It’s just as you left it — everything organized and clean, the furniture and floors clear of clutter. There’s personal items on a few of the standing drawers, the ones you and Jungkook picked out together on vacations. You almost cry at the nostalgia. It’s hard to come here when it used to be so second nature to you.

You place your keys on your designated spot on the key holder on the wall. It’s right next to your fiancé’s name, and you smile thinking about him seeing your keys on your holder once again.

“You can just set them in this closet,” you point to the one near the door. It’s your’s and Jungkook’s coat closet. But given it’s late spring, you guess it hasn’t been put to much use lately.

The man leaves and makes his way out, telling you to be careful. You nod and tell him to thank Nurse Sandy one more time, to which he laughs and agrees.

The rest of the evening is spent exploring your home. It’s like you’re walking into one of your friend’s parents bedrooms when you were young. It feels like it’s wrong, feels weird because you’ve never explored that part of your friend’s home before. But there’s a familiarity to it anyways.

You sit on his side of the bed in your shared bedroom. You laugh because it appears as if he hasn’t touched your side at all. It’s made and the pillows are organized perfectly. The sheets are tucked in and the bedding is smoothed out as he’s been keeping it neat since the day you last ventured in here.

His side of the bed is unmade. The sheets are pulled from when he got up this morning, and the decorative pillows for his side are scattered on the floor.  

You take it all in, breathing in the smell of him that overpowers your bedroom. You miss this—waking up to hold him and going to sleep cuddled together. You wonder how he’s been going to sleep these days.

Your body starts to feel tired when you close your eyes, and Jungkook’s scent does nothing to help your weak body from falling into the depths of sleep. The bed has always been so comfortable, especially Jungkook’s side. It’s warm and curves into your body as you lay against the sheets. The smell of him wafting into your nostrils as you lay your head on his pillow.

It wasn’t you intention to fall asleep. No, you wanted to bake something sweet for him, put up some decorations or do something to make it special. But Nurse Sandy warned you about the effects of not being on IV constantly. Your body isn’t getting everything it needs to stay awake for long periods of time. But you were given a long list of to-do’s in order to keep your energy up. For right now, though, you forgo the list until you’re able to look it over and figure it all out with your fiancé.

__________________

Jungkook’s exhausted. He’s beat and he totally would have gone straight to you after work had he not been feeling completely gross. The plan is still to see you. But right now, he needs a shower.

His body is aching when he walks down the hallway to the 38th floor. All day he spent sitting in his desk, listening to sales pitches and hiring a few more people who he honestly could care less about. Needless to say, he needs a hot shower, a cup of coffee, and a dose of you in order to make his day feel right.

He takes a deep breath when he presses the key fob against the door. The briefcase in his hand swings when he pushes it open, immediately setting it down in the dip in the doorway. He almost closes his eyes when he enters his apartment, the darkness of the home from the set sun doing nothing to hide his need for sleep. But his heart leaps out of his chest when he sees a pair of familiar grey sneakers tucked in the corner of the entryway. His eyebrows knot together at the sight, his heart beating rapidly in his chest when he looks up to the key holder on the wall. There they are — your keys, placed simply on the hook with your name on it.

“Y/n?” he whispers. There’s a panic in his heart when he turns on the light. Why were you here? Is everything okay?

“Y/n?” he shouts. But there’s no answer.

Jungkook quickly rips off his jacket, his shoes messily thrown in the entry way as he runs into the kitchen. He shouts your name again, but there’s no answer.

Jungkook’s chest heaves, the silence and the lack of you anywhere makes his brain think of the worst possible outcome. Did you come here against the will of the doctor? Did you give up? Did you come here to greet him and it all go wrong? Did you collapse? Are you okay?

Jungkook pants heavily as he rips open the door to his bedroom. The lights are off and the lack of sunlight coming through his window makes things hard to make out. However, he quickly turns on the light, his lungs relaxing immediately when he sees your body softly tucked into his sheets.

“Y/n, baby,” he calls out your name softly. Jungkook kneels by his side of the bed, gently moving your tank in the process. He shakes you gently, and you stir at the feeling of his touch.

“Kook?” you groggily moan. Your eyes open in sight of him, a wave of disappointment flooding through you. “Fuck—I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep.”

“Are you okay? What’s going on? Why are you here?” he helps you sit up, his own body sitting next to your legs on the mattress.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” you groan, your head falling into your palms.

“What surprise?” he tucks a chunk of your hair behind your ear. Your skin is hot, and he wonders if he should get the thermometer or take you right back to the hospital.

“Nurse Sandy let me go,” you explain.

“What?!” he gasps. “Why would she do that?”

“No,” you chuckle at his misunderstanding. “She let me go for two months. To be with you. To get married.”

“O-Oh,” he gulps. He can’t help the pulse in his heart that leaps at your words.

Fuck, is this a dream? Never in a million years did he think he’d get the chance to have you during your treatment. Hell, they’ve kept you under extremely strict rules for the past two years.

“I wanted to make it a surprise,” you whine. “But I came home and I smelled you and I just—I passed out. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook shakes his head, smiling at you while you groan in your mistake. He honestly is still processing it all. He wants to ask you to pinch him, to make sure this is actually happening before he wakes up from his dream and becomes upset.

“It’s okay, my love,” he kisses your forehead. “I’m honestly a little struck right now. Is this really happening?”

You nod your head, a content smile showing on your face as you speak. “I was just as shocked as you are. I mean, I’ve been asking for just a week or two to be out of there so that we can get married. But they’ve just given me the same answer every time, telling me that they’ll ‘see’ or that they’re not sure that it’s gonna be a possibility,” you hold his hand. “But when Nurse Sandy told me two whole months was approved…I knew I had to make it a surprise. It kinda backfired on me, though. Nurse Sandy told me I was going to be much more fatigued off IV, but I kinda took her words for granted. I was just so excited.”

“It’s okay,” he smiles, adjusting the clear tube across your cheeks. “We’ll take it slow.”

Jungkook holds your cheek, and you lean against at the feeling of his touch on your skin. 

You feel a little emotional. None of this was supposed to happen. Your sickness, the wait to get married, the pause in life. Everything was supposed to be normal, but now you find it all to be complicated and oh-so painful. You shouldn’t have to live like this. He shouldn’t have to live like this.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he whispers. Jungkook’s thumb wipes at the tear that dares to fall from your eye. You hold his hand to your cheek, keeping his touch against you.

“We were so regular,” you laugh. “Just two normal people,” a few more tears stream from your eyes, and Jungkook pulls you into his chest, shielding you from the pain. “But now this happened. And you have to go to bed alone every night. You have to come home to emptiness. Have to make trips just to see me. To deal with all my bad days; days when I can barely talk to you because it hurts.”

“Stop it, Y/n,” he whispers into your hair. “I’d do it for the rest of my life if it means I still get to have you.”

“It shouldn’t have to be this way,” you sob. Jungkook rocks you in his hold, his arms tightening around your gentle body as you cry.

“But it is,” he says. “This is life. It’s just a bump in the road. A big bump, but thank god I’ve got a bunch of different cars to test out which one makes it over first.”

You laugh at his comment. You want to stab his ego a little, but his comment warms you to the extent to where you don’t think you have it in you to do so. 

“I’m gonna take care of you, Y/n,” he simmers. “In sickness and in health, no?”

“Till death do us part.”

__________________

“It’s terminal,” the doctor says.

He watches your mom shake her head, her pearl earrings whipping against her cheeks at his words.

“It can’t be,” she says. “She’s never had something like this in her life! We don’t even have a genetic history—”

“It happens to the best of us, unfortunately,” he interrupts her. You’re sure he hears things like this from mother’s all the time. But you don’t care. It’s true. You’ve been living your life healthy for as long as you remembered. You exercise, eat healthy foods, train your brain…you even have an air purifier in every room of your home. How can this happen?

“Your sickness is in it’s second stage. It’s a 50/50 chance it will get worse or better within the next few months. But regardless, I will just lay the facts out to you. The illness will more than likely be the cause of your death. However, given that it is in its second stage, we are able to slow it down and give you a few extra years,” the doctor explains. “We can put you on the transplant list, but unfortunately, since you are in the second stage, it puts you down as less of a priority compared to those who have a worse illness or who need it immediately.”

Your mother scoffs, her eyes wallowing with tears at the doctors information.

Meanwhile, all you can think about is Jungkook. How the hell are you going to tell him? Would it even be fair to tell him? You don’t want him to be any more worried than he already is. Not to mention how it would absolutely kill you if he were to look at you everyday not knowing if it would be the last.

The doctor’s words are drowned out as you think of how you want to go about this. There’s scenarios playing out in your head. The thought of dying does not even matter to you. All you can think about is how you’re going to protect your love from reality.

“Can we not tell anyone?” you ask your mother quietly.

“What?!” she exclaims. “Y/n, we need to raise awareness or something,” she holds your hand. “Don’t you want to at least tell Jungkook?”

“No,” you say sternly. “I can’t do that to him. I love him too much to destroy him like that.”

“Well,” your mom lets out a shaky breath. A part of you feels bad that you couldn’t shield her from it, either. But someone has to know. And you’re strict on only allowing her to. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll play along.”

A small tear falls from your eye, and your mother wipes them off your cheeks. She coos you, telling you that it’s okay. But her words mean nothing. How is this okay when you will be gone quicker than you thought you would be? When your time with Jungkook has been given a limit?

“Just don’t tell him, alright?” you cry. “Don’t destroy him like this.”

The doctor clears his throat, telling him he is going to leave the room. He asks you if it’s okay to let your fiancé in, and you nod, quickly wiping your tears.

Jungkook makes his way in the door way, his chest tightening at the sight of your mom holding you tight.

“Is everything okay?” he asks you, gently sitting at the end of the bed.

Your eyes are red at the corners, and you lips are puffy in the way they always are when you cry. He feels a pang in his heart at your face. He’s never seen you in a state like this. It tempts him to let his own emotions flow, but this is not his time. You’re hurt, and he needs to be there for you.

“Yeah,” you nod, a small chuckle escaping your lips.

__________________

Your wedding was beautiful.

It was everything you could want and more. Family and friends, the venue you wanted, the color scheme perfect for the summertime. It wasn’t too hot, either. Perfect weather for early August.

Originally, neither of you wanted a summer wedding. But you had to make do with the time you had, and it turned out to be everything you weren’t expecting, in all the right ways.

You even got to walk down the aisle without your tank. Just your face and you in your dress, walking to your man with the biggest smile. Yes, it was a tough walk. But the minute Jungkook took your hand, you felt strength.

You married Jungkook. It was the most rewarding feeling to have him as yours. To slip on his ring and him slip on yours. It felt right. You felt at peace. For the first time in two years, you didn’t think about your diagnosis. Your mind and heart was full of you and him, and that is all.

Your first dance with him as his wife was filled with emotion. Yes, you had to take it slow—the effects of your sickness made it hard to do anything exuberant. But Jungkook let you rest your head on his shoulder. He held your hand and your waist, guiding you through it all as your husband. He held you as the song played in your ears, memories of graduating college, your first date, the first word you spoke to him, the day he asked you to move in with him, the day he proposed. Everything came to you, and you held him tightly as he danced with you in the memories.

The ride home was filled with tiredness. Truthfully, all you had planned was to eat tacos and watch Netflix. But as you sat next to your husband on the ride home, you realized you wanted to do more. Memories of when you two used to be spicy, when you used to have sex nearly everyday, come back to you. How much that has changed. The two of you have become nearly entirely different people. But you want to try tonight. You want to feel him again, no matter the strain. No matter what might happen. You want to hold your husband.

“I feel wrong doing this,” Jungkook rambles below you. You’re sitting on his lap, both of you in pajamas as some anime show plays in the background. “You sure you can breathe okay? Is this too much?”

“Jungkook,” you let out a frustrated sigh. “We’ve only been kissing for two minutes.”

“I know, but I—”

“If you don’t feel right, then we don’t have to,” you cut him off.

“No—I. That’s not what I meant,” he re-quips. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not, Kook,” you stop. A big part of you feels embarrassed. Has this really become an entirely new experience? You’re frustrated and you feel a blush on your cheeks for even trying. Maybe he doesn’t want this. “Look, if you don’t want to have sex with me, that’s fine. But tell me now, because I’m not about to put my all into it if you’re just going to be worried the whole time.”

“Y/n,” he groans. Your husband runs his hand through his hair. Fuck, if he didn’t want to have sex with you. It’s be two years since he felt you like that. He misses holding you, feeling you around him as he makes love to you. But hell, he’s worried out of his wits. You can’t breathe like you used to. Not to mention the fragility of your body. What if he hurts you? He can’t imagine how bad he’d feel.

You let out a disappointed sigh. His expression telling you that he’s still considering it.

You begin to hop off his lap when his hands grip your hips, forcing you to stay.

“Y-You,” he starts, his thumbs rubbing circles on the skin of your hips. “You have to tell me if it’s too much. I’m being serious, Y/n. I’m worried and nothing is going to change that. But I want you...I miss you so much.”

You nod your head, a breath of relief flooding your lungs when he comes to kiss you again.

He’s gentle with his kisses, although much more sure than what it was just a few minutes ago. He holds your waist while his body gently falls forward. Your back hits the softness of the mattress, Jungkook’s body falling between your legs. You open them, inviting him in. 

He presses soft kisses on your cheek, trailing them down to your neck where he buries his head in the crevice of your skin. Hot hands push up your body. They take your shirt with it, his fingertips gently cascading over the swell of your breasts. You lift your chest up, allowing him to toss the fabric up over your head and onto the floor.

Jungkook’s breath stops in his chest. It’s been a long while since he’s seen you naked like this in front of him. Yes, he’s seen you naked countless times before, but he’s never seen you this thin. He’s never seen your skin so rough and patchy before. Thinking of all your hard times in the hospital, all the pain you went through, he kisses your skin with love as he admires you. 

Nothing could take away from how you make him feel. Not the redness of your irritated skin, not your ribs that poke out a little from the lack of nutrients, not the clear tubs that ties just below your chin and falls on your clavicle. No, you’re still you, and he holds you with care remembering just how much you’ve suffered. He wants to make you forget all of it.

Your cold hands startle him when they begin to push his own shirt up. Jungkook smiles down at you, giving you a kiss before he takes it off. Your eyes memorize his body, feeling his skin just as it was the last time you touched him like this. You sigh at the memories, how every one of them failed to recall just how it felt to touch him in real life. Nothing can compare to actually feeling him. Nothing can do justice to the velvet of his skin on your fingertips.

Jungkook gently leans himself back on his calves, sitting more upright as his fingers hook around the band of your pajama pants. He looks at you with permission, and you nod, giving it to him. 

The man slowly allows them to fall off your body, his eyes eating you up as you shiver from the cold.

He’s quick to warm you, though. After sliding off his own pants, he’s on top of you again, his arms holding you to his chest as he kisses the sweet spot on your neck.

“J-Jungkook,” you moan. Your husband simply hums at your arousal, his hips softly grinding onto yours when you wrap your legs around his hips. He still has his boxers on, the length of his cock straining against the fabric. It’s been too long since he’s felt you. Been too long since he’s made love to you. His dick is begging him to feel you again. 

“I need you,” you cry beneath him. 

Jungkook lifts his head from your neck, his forehead gently falling on yours while his lips cascade over your own. Your hands come to his jaw, holding him to your face as he closes his eyes. 

He’s memorizing your touch, memorizing how you feel and how you hold him. He’s memorizing the sound of your breath, low long you take between each one to inhale and exhale. The sound of your heartbeat and the sound of your fingers sliding over his skin. He takes you in as his heart wrenches in his chest.

Jungkook opens his eyes to be met with yours. They’re red around the edges and water begs to fall from your eyelids, but he kisses your cheek in attempt to tell you that he needs you, too.

He shimmy’s off his boxers, his cock springing free against his lower abdomen as he does so. It’s quick, and he’s back to your side the minute the fabric falls on the ground.

“I love you,” he whispers against your lips. “So much.”

You bite your lip, struggling to keep the tears in. He looks at you with so much love, so much adoration. You remind yourself that he is your husband, and a tear falls from your eye.

“Don’t cry,” he gulps. “I’ve got you.”

You nod against the palm that holds your jaw. He kisses your tear before he lines himself up with your entrance. You lock your arms around his neck, pulling him close to you as he slides himself in.

A gasp leaves your lips as he enters you. Although he’s slow, it’s been a long while since you felt the length of him. Your muscles aren’t like how they used to be, and you find it somewhat painful, even though he’s being gentle.

“Are you okay? I’m not hurting you, am I?” he pants in worry. You feel so good, so fucking tight, but that gasp you let out washed away any feeling he had down there for a second.

“Hurts a little, but I’ll be okay,” you smile. “J-Just—slow.”

Jungkook nods, the knob in this throat bobbing when he takes the base of his cock and guides it into you. He’s slow, just like you asked, and the slick of your arousal does a lot to make the second pump go much smoother.

“I-Is this a good pace?” he asks you once he delivers the fourth pump into you.

You sigh, your eyes closing as your head falls back. “Yes,” you pant. This is what you missed. You forgot how good it felt to have him inside you like this.

Jungkook nods before towering back over you. His forearms rest near your head as your legs wrap around his waist. He’s not harsh with you, just a medium pace and gentle thrusts in and out. The old him would have complained, would have needed something faster and more intense in order to get off. But the times have changed. It’s been so long, he honestly feels he could cum right now despite the low intensity. 

Jungkook rests his cheek against yours, his head leaning against your skin as he makes love to you. He feels overwhelmed, and his heart races at the thought of you. 

A tear falls from his eye when you run your hands through his hair, the hope in his heart nowhere to be seen when he feels the gentleness of your touch rake through his body. He sobs above you, that wall broken when you kiss his shoulder.

“Jungkook, baby,” you coo. “What’s wrong?”

Jungkook shakes his head, his arms closing in on your figure while his head buries itself in your neck. He thinks about you, about the first time he felt your touch, wondering if this is the last time he ever will. He lets the tears drop as his hand comes to hold the back of your head, the other sliding underneath your neck. He holds you close against his body, squeezing you tight in case you might escape if he didn’t hold you like this. 

The feeling of his dick in you does little as his heart breaks little by little at the thought of the worst. At the thought of this being the last time.

“I can’t lose you,” he croaks, his voice muffled between your skin and the sheets. “I love you too much to let you go.”

Your lips press together, that lump in your throat begging to rise.

“Come here,” you ask him softly. Jungkook slowly raises his head, his nose pressing against yours per your request.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you press a hand to his heart. “I’m gonna be here.”

Jungkook’s tears flow onto your face, and he can’t help but let out another whimper at the message you tell him. He wants to pretend you didn’t just say that. He wants to pretend you told him that you’re all better, that you’re not sick anymore. But he can’t help but clutch the hand that touches the skin over his heart.

“Y/n,” he breathes, his lips red and wet from all the emotion. “Let me see you, just for a little while.”

He refers to your tube, asking if he can take it off.

You nod to him, and Jungkook gently takes it off your face. The choked sob he lets loose at the sight of you breaks your heart. His lip quivers and his nose starts to run as he looks at you with pain in his eyes. He looks at you, memorizing you again and again. He looks at you as his wife, who has been there for him through everything, who has loved him through every stage of his life. He holds your cheeks, his head resting against your forehead as he rocks into you.

“I’ve got you,” you hold him.

Jungkook exhales, his nose rubbing against yours when you tell him so.

“I love you, Jungkook,” you promise. “You’re going to be okay.”

__________________

You passed in the spring.

The season took you in all its blossoms, engulfing your death with new life.

There were cherry blossoms at your funeral.

Nothing but trees and flowers engulfing the outdoors as he stood at the back of the ceremony. Nurse Sandy was there. He hated the way she looked at him as if she knew he would never be the same. 

He couldn’t bring himself to look at you. Not when you couldn’t flash him a smile. Not when you wouldn’t wrap him in your warmth and tell him you love him. He couldn’t look at you with the hope he harbored throughout the entirety of your sickness. It was no longer here. You were no longer here. 

He took a trip not too long after. The new life of spring was too much for him to handle.

You were no longer there with him. That house he spent two years building in hope that you would one day move into it with him as his wife was too silent for him to stay in.

Every inch of him yearned for you. He went through every grieving stage with the roughest of emotions. Clutching the necklace that held a small amount of your ashes around his neck, his heart suffering in agony, his mind playing memories of you over and over and over again.

His pain went over what his body could handle, causing him to turn into someone he didn’t know.

He stayed in upper Russia for a while, embracing the cold. Then moved to Aruba in search for the summer.

Only on your birthday three years later did he return home.

He could almost smell you off the plane, the familiarity of home raking through his lungs violently.

The place he once had made for you has now been occupied by a family in their mid 40s — a couple with two children and a grandmother living together. He smiles, glad that the house has been to some use.

He’s been paying rent on his apartment since he left. You’re still in there, all your belongings and all of your scent still lives within the comfort of his old home. Everything you organized — from the way you folded the laundry to the way you placed the trinkets on your desk — was all still there.

Your smell is gone when he enters his home. It’s dusty and dark. All but welcoming when he enters. There’s a spot with your name on the key holder plastered against the wall, and he tries his best to ignore the way your keys hang there when he places his keys in his own slot.

He’s made plans to sell the apartment by the time of his next trip. You’re not here anymore, and he’s starting to find it difficult to pay rent when he’s spending so much on living as a non-citizen in another country.

He unfolds the cardboard moving boxes in his kitchen, using the masking tape to seal the ends before he starts going through it all.

He starts with the kitchen first.

He sifts through all the shelves and cabinets, placing spices and expired noodles and sugar and flour in the trash. He cleans the sink and counters before he moves onto the dinnerware. The box beside him labeled “Jungkook and Y/n” stares at him with grief when his hands touch the delicate wood of your shared cabinet.

The fine china dinnerware you got as a wedding gift, the “Spider-Man” “Spider-Woman” mugs, the shot glasses with “bride” and “groom”,  your favorite spoon he never understood why it was your favorite when it looked only slightly different than the rest, all go into the box.

The living room is next.

Blankets and cup holders and remotes all go into a different box. He’s got movers taking the couches and coffee table tomorrow, so he tries to clean them off the best he can before he sells them in an auction. Pictures of you and him scatter the walls, small trinkets and souvenirs he got with you or gave you as a gift all go into the box.

His fingers tremble when he realizes what is next: the bedroom. You two shared it, but from what he remembers, you completely took it over. Finishing touches and decorations and picture frames. All of it you insisted would add “hominess” to his rather plain apartment. And he finds that you’re correct when he enters it and turns on the lights.

It’s dusty, and the lights flicker a little when he turns them on. But there it is. Your side of the bed hitting him right in the face.

He gently walks over to it, his fingers brushing over the duvet where you used to lay. He imagines you’re still here with him, ready to burst through those doors and tell him that you’re here with tacos and a new Netflix series to watch. He imagines what you’d say, where you’d touch him, how gentle your embrace would be.

When it comes to be too much, he turns away, focusing his attention on your bedside table.

A picture of you and him flashes back at him, and he feels a pulse in his throat when his finger slowly brushes the dust off the glass surrounding your face. You’re in your graduation gown, hair falling over your shoulders as you’re jumping onto his back. Nothing but smiles and happiness on your face. He remembers this day like the back of his hand. University graduation — one of the happiest days of yours and his life’s—before everything happened.

This is how he remembers you. Sweet and healthy. Nothing but confidence and laughs as you slowly took his heart into your hands.

He places it in his own box, choosing to keep it close to him as he travels around the world. There’s a few digital things and a lamp he stores away before he’s opening your drawer.

He expects to find nothing, but instead sees a stack of cards, all a little dusty, wrapped in a blue ribbon.

When he pulls it out, he turns the stack around and sees that they’re all addressed to him.

Jungkook stops his rummaging, a heart beat in his his chest as he sits down on the bed, examining the large stack of envelopes in his hand.

He reads his name in your handwriting, a thumb gently tracing over the ink before it softly unties the blue ribbon holding them together. He stares at the first one labled: “The first: to Jungkook”. He tears the seal. The envelope reveals a small page filled with your writing. He takes a deep breath.

My husband,

Jungkook pauses, the back of his hand coming to his mouth as the heaviness in his heart sinks all the way down to his feet. 

I wondered when a day would come where I could give this to you. But the more life goes on, I’ve realized these words would be of most meaning when I am gone.

I’ve known for a while I would not continue living life with you. My sickness gets worse with every passing minute, and I’ve since found myself on borrowed time. However, I am so beyond thankful.

All I wanted out of life was spend it with you. Being with you has been the best blessing I’ve received since the day I was born. Marrying you was more than I asked for, and I can go on with no regrets knowing that I get to die with your promise to me.

To say I have no sadness is a hard lie to tell. The thing that consumes my mind the most these days is how you will be when I am gone. How you will come home and how you will continue to live.

You have always loved with everything you had. I felt it with every word you spoke, every breath you took, and every touch you gave. I can only hope you will continue to do so as you did for me since the day we met. That you will find it within you to return.

I don’t know how long it’s been since I have passed when you’ve decided to read this. But for all the things I will not have the chance to say during every hard time in your life, during every morning and every evening, during every achievement and every failure, I want to say them to you now. I want you to come back and read this when you need me. When you need what you know I’d say. What you know is true:

I love you.

I love you and will always continue to do so. My body may be gone, but my soul still holds yours. It holds yours with every stage of my life, with every stage we went through. It holds you knowing that you were there holding mine. I’ve come to return your favor. 

Your hope you gave to me I now give to you. 

I know you will strengthen. I know you will live and you will live with everything you have, just like you always did. You’re my Jungkook. My husband. And I can only hope you feel me walking next to you as you continue to live.

I lived loving you, and i died loving you.

I will always love you. No matter what form my soul takes, it will be there to walk next to yours, to hold it and love it until we meet again.

The paper is crumpled in his hand, clutched against his heart and necklace as he screams into the air. The tears follow in transit, curling his body as he holds your words to his heart. He’s hysterical, the dustiness in the room filling his lungs as he sobs on your side of the bed.

Three years of holding it in, three years of pretending you were still here with him, pretending that it was all just a dream, release out of him in a painful wail. He’s remembering you, your voice playing in his head as he reads your letter. He can hear you telling him.

He remembers that morning. The last one before it happened. How you clutched onto his arm, smiling at him as you picked out a ring. He remembers holding you on the rooftop of the hospital, going through every season with you as he protected you from the wind. He remembers how you held him when he made love to you on your wedding night, how you said “I do” at your wedding. He can see your smile, the sound of your laugh. All of it he can feel.

The stack of envelopes nearly falls out of his lap, but in his fit of sobs, he is able to hold them close. He sifts through them, trying to wipe his tears in order to read them. But his heart only shatters to dust when he reads that they’re all addressed to him, one for each year, for each anniversary, until the 70th one. A part of him laughs, unsure if he will even make it another 70 years as a 34 year old.

Regardless, he runs his finger over the one that stares up at him, and he feels himself begin to heal when he reads:

“Our first Anniversary: to my Jungkook.”

__________________

[End. Do not copy. Original work of @jungkookstatts , 2023]