Kai Fic - Tumblr Posts

ME AND YOU. HUENING KAI.

DATA. PG short scenario. established relationship. gender-neutral reader.

summary. the fear of not being loved back by the person you love the most slowly consumes you until you reach a breaking point.

— WARNINGS. mostly light angst only and insecurities with a cute ending for once (can you believe it? a happy ending finally).

A / N : i'm low on energy for multiple reasons but I got this idea out of nowhere and felt like writing it for the sake of it. I didn't proofread it because I'm pretty sure if I do I will end up changing everything lol but I hope you enjoy

feedbacks and reblogs are super appreciated !

Intimacy. 

What did intimacy implicate? Tangled limbs underneath the sheets or deeper connections besides carnal ones. 

You thought both could be considered valid answers. You could feel intimacy in every touch, every look, and moan, but also you craved the deepness between feelings that could be shared and reciprocated; the problem was you had a hard time asking for the latter option. 

More often than not, you found yourself stuck between the desire for connection and near obsession with your loved ones, and the superficial aspect of loving someone without needing to feel so attached to them, — and the thing is, love for you had no measure, but when Hueningkai was near, you limited your devotion, afraid it would be overwhelming. 

Having jumped into your first real relationship, many things had to be learned on the way and the lack of experience could be thrilling at times because everything could be felt for the first time. Still, the lack of knowledge sent you into a stupor quite frequently as well and you couldn’t bring yourself to discuss much deeper topics with Kai sometimes. 

It simply scared you to voice out what was going on through your heart and mind sometimes. You didn’t want to hear Kai just giggle and shy away from your confessions or simply blush. Sometimes you wanted sincerity and words, touches and softness. You wanted tenderness and profoundness. 

You wanted romance. 

Though your boyfriend wasn’t one too scarce on affection and puppy love, he tended to run away from deeper connections like his life depended on it. Even the simpler emotions sometimes could not be expressed by him properly. 

To the world, he was bright and sunny, like a good summer day. His persona was warm and welcoming, cheery, but he masked many things underneath and you wished you could uncover his true self sometimes. You knew he was more than sweet smiles and loud displays of affection. 

You wanted his love and you wanted his hate. You needed to know what he felt even if it was negative. You had to know if he loved you enough to press you closer and only look at you, or if he’d rather keep to himself and have you as a companion for certain things only because you wanted everything of him. 

‘Please let go,’ you used to think, ‘or let me go.’ You’d repeat before going to bed sometimes; with Kai’s arms wrapped around you for a late-night cuddle before dozing off, you’d feel okay but not complete. The confessing words you wanted to mutter jumping at the tip of your tongue and never coming out. 

You’d fail to express what you wanted and he’d never notice either. 

It was beginning to frustrate you to feel this way so one early morning you woke up a bit agitated. You had a vivid dream; You were wrapped in Kai’s embrace, rocking side to side slowly while standing up with him pressed so deeply into your soul that you felt him as an extension of yourself. He didn’t have to say much, the silence was speaking for him, and once you pressed your head against his chest, you could hear it…his heartbeat. 

His heartbeat, erratic as ever, bombed a mile per hour like a speeding car, and your loved one pressed you closer, as if saying “hear it, this is for you”, and it was enough. That was enough to make you mutter those damned words you wanted to say so much but were afraid to do so in real life. 

“I love you,” you whispered mainly to yourself after you had woken up and calmed down a bit. The confession bittersweet inside your mouth.

“Well, good morning to you too, baby,” Kai responded back in between laughs. He appeared to have woken up shortly before you, with his sleepy gaze still intact. “Do you want breakfast?” Your eyes start burning. For two or three seconds all you hear is your own heart beating alone and nothing else with Kai’s voice echoing in the background but never truly reaching you close enough to make any sense. Whatever gibberish he says after dismissing your accidental confession falls on deaf ears and you feel suffocated and alone so quickly that you choke out a sob, alerting him. “Baby? Oh my God, what’s going on?” He presses a hand to your cheek and you let the first tears fall. “Baby?” 

Nearly numb, you push yourself back into reality only partially and reach out for his hand, lowering it to your chest in pain. Your heart is beating so strongly it hurts yet he doesn’t understand. He does not hear.

“Why-why can’t you love me?” You babble dumbly and Kai’s eyebrows furrow. 

“What?” He questions dumbfounded. “Where is this coming from?” 

“I feel so alone.” 

“Baby, I’m right here —.” 

“Are you?” You let go of your firm grip on his hand and he slowly retreats. “Because I don’t feel you here.” 

“I don’t think I’m understanding…” He sits on the bed and looks down at you. “But I want to understand. What is going on?” 

 Your lower lip trembles before you speak. “Sometimes I just feel like I reach out and you are not there. I try to be sweet and get closer to you and all you do is back down and joke around. You can’t spare me one nice comment —.” 

“I compliment you every day.” 

“Not like that,” you reply nearly annoyed. Though, you aren’t sure if you are feeling this way because of him or yourself. “That’s not enough. You can say I look pretty any day and it would be nice, but it feels like a duty. When was the last time you truly showed me you loved me or wanted me to be with you? Everything is fun and games, but I don’t want to play. I just want my boyfriend to actually show me he cares, to make me feel like he loves me as much as I do. Even now I just confessed and you brushed me off. Why is it that whenever I try to dig deeper you get scared? If you aren’t ready to say you love me back I understand, but if you don’t feel anything at all then let me know because I can go.” 

Hueningkai drops his gaze to his palms and seals his lips on a thin line long enough to make you think you should truly get up and start packing your things. 

‘Let go of whatever is holding you back and love me. I will love you back.’ You nearly say on the brink of desperation, but his uncertainty speaks for itself to you and the moment you move the covers to the side, Kai snaps back into reality. “Stay,” he basically demands and you stop dead in your tracks. “I want to love you.” 

“You want?” You retort and move again but this time your boyfriend grabs your hand. “What?” 

“I want time to love you,” he admits. “I love you the way I can, but if I can show it more, then I want to. Give me enough time and I will love you the way I truly should and want. I don’t want to shy away anymore. I want you here with me.” 

“I need you to talk to me,” you whisper and he nods. 

His hand creeps up your arm and reaches for your cheek again. He moves forward resting his forehead against yours. “And I need you to talk to me too. I want you, I love you, I need you. I’m here with you. It’s you and me.” 

Before you can place any doubts or insecurities into his words, he brings you closer until you are sitting on his lap. He caresses your face softly, underlining your jaw, before tracing lower, stumbling on your beating heart. He can’t help but smile fondly, bringing your hand up to his chest and making you feel his heartbeat. 

Erratic. 

He beats erratically, the rhythm of his heart mimicking yours. 

“I love you. It’s me and you,” he repeats and you nod tongue-tied. “Say it back…” he whispers. “I want to hear it.” 

“I love you too. It’s me and you.” 

Intimacy. 

“Me and you.” 

“Me and you.” 

The act of loving him and being loved back to the point only you two exist in this world even for a fraction of a second. 

You Don’t Have To Be Alone

Description: Kai loved Mina, and Mina loved Kai; But sometimes love wasn't enough. Throughout their make ups and break ups, they always found their way back to each other. What happens when they've both finally had enough? What happens when they push each other to their limits and their relationship ultimately comes to an end? Can they find their way back to each other throughout all the hurt and the pain?

Genre: angst, fluff, romance

Word Count: 3,235

Pairing: Kim Jongin (Kai) x OC (Kwon Mina)

(A/N: This is my first fanfic! I hope you guys like it. Please let me know what you think!) 

“You know what? Fuck this Kai. I’m done.” 

Kai flinched at the mention of his name. She never called him by ‘Kai’, with her it was always Jongin. He knew instantly that she meant what she said. He swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“Fine. Leave then, get out here.” 

Mina laughed bitterly. “You don’t need to tell me twice.” 

She spun around and headed for their bedroom angrily, slamming the door open. 

Kai let out a ragged breath. ‘Fuck.’ He wanted to stop her, he knew he should stop her; but there was always one recurring issue for the two of them: their pride. 

Kai and Mina had been dating for 4 years. Things started off amazing for the two of them. Kai knew after he met her that he couldn’t leave her; it was as if he knew then and there that she was the one. 

Flashback

To say that Mina was exhausted was an understatement. It was almost the end of her 12 hour shift at the hospital and the Emergency Department was only getting busier. 

She glanced down at her watch: 6:30 PM. 

‘Ugh… 1 more hour. I can do this, I can overcome this.’ She rolled her neck from side to side, hearing the distinct crack. 

“Gross, you should really stop that!” 

She turned towards the voice and smiled at her best friend Lee Yejin. She turned from side to side, cracking her spine whilst smirking at her friend. 

“Yah! Mina I’m serious I hate that sound!” Mina swung her arm around her best friend and laughed. 

“Ah come on, you’re still not used to it after all these years?” 

Yejin rolled her eyes. “You’re disgusting. By the way, patient just came in in bed 5. I know you’re off right away so I gave you the easiest admission.” 

She bent down and kissed her friend’s cheek. “Lee Yejin you are a life saver! Saranghae!” 

She quickly pulled away from her, grabbed the patient’s chart and rushed towards Bed 5. S

he could hear her friend making gagging noises. 

“Aish! Mina you’re disgusting! We’re nurses, we need to be clean!” 

She couldn’t help but laugh at her best friend, after 4 years in nursing and 3 years working at the emergency department she was positive her friend had some form of OCD. She was very particular, that one.

 Mina paused by the nurses desk in front of Bed 5 and skimmed through the patient’s chart quickly. Kim Jongin, 25 year old male… query transverse tibial fracture to left foot.

‘Hm, sounds easy enough…’

She placed the chart down and walked towards the nearest vital signs machine. She sanitized her hands and rolled the machine towards his bed. Mina peered through the curtains and smiled. 

“Annyeong, my name is Mina. I’ll be your nurse today.” 

She surveyed the man before her, like she usually did with every patient. She had to admit… he was quite the looker. For the whole day she had been dealing with elderly patients, patients in their late 50’s, and some babies and toddlers. 

He was the first patient she had today that was her age. She observed his tanned skin, and his sharp jaw line. 

‘Damn… he’s a cutie’ she thought. 

She wasn’t the type to check her patient’s out, unless it was for assessments. She usually kept her work professional, but she couldn’t help it if the guy basically looked like a Greek god! Did she mention his hair? His hair just fell above his face perfectly and she was almost tempted to pull a Mean Girl’s and say: “Your hair looks sexy pushed back” 

‘Shit. Mina snap out of it, you’re at work!’ 

She focused her attention back on actually assessing him. He didn’t seem to be in too much pain but his eyebrows were furrowed. He was laying down on his bed with his left leg elevated on a pillow. He bowed his head towards her slowly. 

Kai did not expect her to look like that. To be frank, he was expecting a nurse somewhere in her late 40’s to be taking care of him today but he was not going to complain with the sight before him. She looked to be about 5’’5, her jet black hair was tied up in a high ponytail and although she was in mere scrubs, she could clearly see her figure. 

He could tell she was fit and if he wasn’t focused on the pain from his foot, he would definitely be distracted by her curves. He could easily see her cleavage peaking through her scrub top. 

‘Right... I should probably introduce myself.’ He coughed awkwardly, “I’m Kai.” 

She rolled the vital sign machine towards the left side of the bed. 

“Oh your chart says Jongin, did you prefer Kai?” 

He shrugged. “Either is fine actually, everyone just calls me Kai…” 

She smiled and he swore he probably would have been admitted for heart palpitations right then and there. Her smile was blinding, and her dimples ignited butterflies in his stomach. Since when the fuck did he get butterflies?

“Araso, I’ll call you Kai then. Do you mind if I check your ID band?” she gestured to his wrist. 

He shook his head. “Ani, go ahead…” She took his hand in hers and he felt a jolt of electricity run through his hands at the sudden contact. 

‘What the fuck is wrong with me…’ he thought. 

“Can you tell me your date of birth?” 

“January 14, 1994.” 

“Perfect. Sorry, it’s a standard procedure. Gotta make sure we have the right patient,” she winked at him. She fucking winked at him. He felt the wind get knocked right out of him. He forgot what he was even in for. 

He nodded. “Has that ever happened to you? Getting the wrong patient?”  

She laughed and nodded. 

Her laugh was like music to his ears. 

“Oh you wouldn’t believe some of the patient’s we get sometimes…” 

He smiled. “Chincha? Are they… not normal?” He didn’t know a better way of putting it. 

She laughed again. “Well, working at the emergency department really changes your definition of normal… but you’re definitely my type of normal!” 

He smirked. “I don’t know, I could be some kind of creepy psycho.” 

She gave him the up and down and chuckled. “I doubt you’re a psycho, you look too good to be some creepy ahjussi.” 

He smirked again. “Did you just say I looked good?” 

‘Shit, I just did… didn’t I? OK, play it off Kwon Mina! Play it off!’ She shrugged.

“I am a nurse, I kind of have to assess you. From my observation you seem like a fit individual. You’re not out of breath or breathing too hard from the pain or anything; Your chart says you have a possible fracture and for you to be acting as calm as you are, you must have a high pain tolerance. Which reminds me, on a scale from 0-10, zero being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you’ve ever felt, how’s your pain?” 

‘Damn, she got me there. I feel stupid now’ he thought. ‘Oh right she’s asking me a question’ 

He glanced down at his foot and shrugged. “A 5 maybe?” 

She nodded. “Does the pain radiate, or stay in one place? How would you describe the pain? I’m going to take your vitals by the way.”

He shook his head. “It’s just in one area, by my ankle. It’s just a sharp and constant pain.” 

Mina nodded. “I’m just going to take your blood pressure first, try to relax your arm as much as possible.” She took the blood pressure cuff from the vital sign machine and placed it over his bicep, her face hovering just inches away from his. 

He sucked in a breath from the sudden closeness. 

‘Wow, he is really fit… his biceps are sexy.’ She leaned back and pressed the button on the machine, then grabbed the thermometer. “I’ll just stick this under your tongue for a bit.” 

‘The things I could do to her with my tongue… wait holy fuck. I need to stop..’ thought Kai. He lifted his tongue up as she inserted the thermometer. 

As the machine beeped, she removed all instruments from his body. “Hmm, so your blood pressure is 143/95, pulse is at 89 and temperature is at 37.8. Which is normal! Your body is likely reacting to the trauma from your foot so these readings are within normal limits.” 

He wasn’t really paying attention. He could really only focus on her. 

Mina continued with the rest of her assessment until she was finished. She left the room briefly to call the doctor with her findings and returned shortly after.

“So doctor Hwang will be here shortly. I’ve communicated my findings with him but I suspect it’s just a transverse fracture. From here he’ll order an x-ray for you to confirm and you’ll most likely get a cast, nothing too invasive; he can do the procedure at the best side. Do you have any questions for me Kai-ssi? Anything else I can do for you?” 

Kai gulped. He was going to take the chance. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so shaken by a woman he had only met. He never felt such attraction for someone in ages and it was rare for him to react this way. He figured he would try and ask her out, something he had never done before.

‘Man the fuck up Kai, you can do this.’ 

“Uhm so how long will I be here for? Do I need to stay overnight?” 

Mina shook her head and smiled. “Nope! You should be out by tonight. My shift is almost over so you can ask the oncoming nurse to make a call for someone to pick you up. I highly oppose you driving in your condition.” 

‘Damn. She’s leaving soon, I really have to ask her out… or for her number or something!’ 

“So I won’t see you again?” ‘That was fucking smooth Kai, way to go...’ he thought dreadfully. 

“E-eh?” 

Kai swallowed hard. “I- I don’t know a better way to say this but I’m really attracted to you Ms. Kwon. I understand we didn’t really meet on the most ideal circumstances but I was wondering if I could have your number? M-maybe take you on a date?” he said nervously. He felt all the color drain from his face, he couldn’t believe he just did that. 

She looked at him surprisingly. Granted, he wasn’t the first person to ask her out but he certainly was the most attractive one. Still, rules are rules. 

“Sorry Mr. Kim, I don’t date patients” she smiled. 

He frowned. ‘So this is what crushing my hopes feels like’ 

Before he could retort, there was a knock on the door and in entered Doctor Hwang. He turned towards Mina and smiled. 

“Kamsahamnida Mina-ssi, I’ll take it from here,” he turned towards Kai and bowed. 

“Hi Mr. Kim, my name is Doctor Hwang, I’m sure Mina has explained to you your plan of care. Do you have any questions?” Kai couldn’t stop staring at Mina. He wished he had met her in different circumstances. 

Mina felt uncomfortable being in the same room as someone she just rejected; she bowed towards the two males. 

“Well I’ll take my leave then. I’ll see you around Doctor Hwang, please take care of Mr. Kim” She locked eyes with Kai and smiled sadly. “Take Care Kai-ssi.” 

With that, she turned around and left. Kai literally felt like he was just dumped.

Suddenly the pain in his foot was no more and he could only feel a sharp, aching pain in his chest. ‘I wish I wasn’t a fucking patient.’ 

But indeed, wishes do come true. 

2 months later, Kai was accompanying his friend Chanyeol to the same hospital. The rest of the guys were busy and Chanyeol was experiencing severe abdominal pain, he was the only one that could drive him. 

Kai walked towards the vending machine, in need of a drink. As he approached it, his breath stopped. He knew that figure, no one could look that good in a pair of scrubs. He walked to the vending machine slowly. Mina picked up her drink from the slot and turned around, only for her eyes to widen at the man before her. 

“Oh… Kai-ssi…” 

It was now or never. He wasn’t a patient and she was right there. He approached her until he was face to face with her. 

She blinked up, her lashes batting towards him. He forgot how plush her lips looked… 

“So. Ms. Kwon. I’m not a patient anymore… Can I please take you out?” 

Mina couldn’t help but smirk at him. She crossed her arms over her chest and laughed. “Persistent, are we?” 

Kai nodded. “I- I can’t figure it out. There was something about you.” 

She snorted. “Ah come on, it’s just cause I took care of you. That’s probably it.”

 He shook his head. “No, it’s not that...” 

She squinted towards him. “Do you have a nurse fetish?” 

Kai choked on his saliva, not expecting the bluntness of her comment. 

“N-no! I-“ 

She laughed. “I’m kidding! Relax..” 

He let out a deep breath. “I mean, I won’t deny. You’re really hot in those scrubs…” 

That peeked her interest. “Araso. I like your honesty, and I won’t lie either. You’re probably the most good looking patient I’ve had around here.” 

He couldn’t help but smirk. “Really now?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Hand me your phone.” 

He didn’t need to be told twice. He reached for his pocket and unlocked his phone, handing it towards her. She took the phone in her hands, and dialled her own number. She felt her phone vibrate from her scrub pocket and ended the call after a few rings, saving her number on his phone. 

“There. I’m warning you now though, I have crazy hours.” 

He shrugged. “You’re worth the time.” 

She smiled and shook her head. “Stubborn, aren’t you? Well, I have to get going, breaks almost over. I guess I’ll see you around?” 

Kai smiled at her in return. “Yes. You will.” 

She took the drink can from out of her pocket and waved towards him. 

Kai couldn’t help but watch her figure disappear. When she disappeared, he pumped his fists excitedly in the air. He felt like a stupid little school boy who just got confessed to by his crush. He settled down quickly and heard his phone ring, signalling a text. He opened up his phone and smiled silly. 

Sexy Nurse Mina: Glad you’re not my patient today. 

‘Holy fuck. She saved her name as Sexy Nurse… Oh my God. This girl will be the death of me…’ 

END OF FLASHBACK 

Kai fell for her instantly. She wasn’t like the other girls he had dated. She was independent, strong-willed but kind and caring. She wasn’t overly girly but she had a sense of maturity that was so sexy and captivating to him. Not to mention, his friends fell in love with her too. They were perfect for each other… or so they all thought. 

Everything was great, their first year together was practically flawless. They were so in love with each other it made everyone around them feel lonely, and jealous but you couldn’t help but admire their love for one another. 

Things started to go to shit when Mina got promoted to a nurse manager. Her schedule got busier, and although they lived together, they barely saw one another. Although Kai was understanding at first, he couldn’t help but become bitter and angry over their scarce encounters. Eventually, Kai started accusing of having affairs. 

He knew he was being unreasonable and he knew that Mina would never do that to him, but it was as if his mind spoke for himself. Needless to say, they broke up after that. The two proved that their love was strong enough when they got back together, they really couldn’t be away from one another. Kai managed to accept her busy schedule and they both made it work. 

Until Kai started going out too much. He would come home late with his friends, drunk out of his mind. Mina ignored it, thinking that he was just trying to occupy his time. Until one day after work, her and her colleagues decided to go out and unwind. That was when she caught him kissing some skinny bimbo. They broke up again after that. 

Mina moved out momentarily and to everyone’s surprise, she stayed with her ex-boyfriend: Kris Wu. Nothing happened between the two, aside from meaningless makeout-sessions to fill the void of being single and lonely. When Kai found out where she was staying he lost his shit. It took months for him to win her back and naturally, she took him back; she always took him back. 

They lost count of how many times they “took a break” or “broke up”. Mina could no longer trust Kai, but she still stuck around. Kai was too insecure and it reflected in the way he spoke to her and treated her. Their relationship was no longer perfect, but tainted with toxicity. 

Twenty agonizing minutes passed and Kai resisted every urge in his body to chase after Mina in their room and show how sorry he was. His pride and his ego was too important to him. He looked up towards her from the couch as she exited their room. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. 

‘I caused that…’ 

He glanced in her hand and saw a duffel bag. His stomach dropped and he felt his heart clench in his chest. He swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“Where are you going?” He managed to croak out. 

She glared in his direction. “Granting your wish. I’m leaving. I’ll pick up the rest of my shit while you’re out.” 

He felt like someone was slowly, agonizingly, stabbing him in the heart. She wouldn’t leave, would she? She promised that she wouldn’t leave him anymore… 

She walked towards the front door and to his dismay, she was already crouching down and putting on her shoes. ‘Just fucking stop her Kai... Tell her you’re sorry!’ He could only watch as she stood up from her crouched position and how she held the doorknob. Would she even look in his direction? Would she even say bye? Did he deserve that? 

Mina let out a shaky breath. She tried everything in her power not to breakdown in front of him. Why wasn’t he stopping her? Why couldn’t he just wrap his arms around her and apologize… just like he used to? 

‘Right. He’s changed. He’s not the Jongin I used to know, the Jongin I loved…’ 

She reached for the doorknob and opened it slowly, leaving enough room for her to slip outside. 

“Goodbye Kai.” 

Kai didn’t know how long he stared at the door, hoping it would all be some sort of cruel prank. Hoping she’d come back, hoping that maybe she forgot something and he could ask her to stay, to work things out… But he knew how badly he fucked up. Things were never going to be the same. 

His whole life, his world just walked out of the door and he did nothing to try and stop her.