Killed Me W Another Cheol Content - Tumblr Posts

✧˖ ?! — I'M A GOD AWFUL GUILTY FOOL FOR YOU. - (ANGST / SUGGESTIVE)

— ‧₊˚ — 🌼: " why do you torture me like this ??"

summary. your sisters arranged husband being your long lived past fuck buddy was def. not on your bingo card- neither was him showing up at your apartment entrance every once in a while, begging to let him talk to you

notes. FOR THE CHEOL GIRLIES!!!!! and first slightly angsty work...what do we think??

warnings/includes. non idol! seungcheol x f! reader, forbbiden love kindaaa?? + fuck buddies if you squint, making out

"please leave" you shake your head, avoiding his eyes and body standing at the entrance of your apartment- no, you couldn't dare look into the eyes of the man your sister would soon marry- her fiance. granted, arranged marriage- yet nonetheless.

you look him in the eyes just once, "please leave" you repeated weakly once more, as if he didn't hear you first time.

he takes a step forward, the scent of his oh so familar cologne tickling the nerves in your nose, expression softening, "I can't," he murmured, his voice barely audible, "not without speaking to you first-"

"You have spoken to me enough and you know just how it always ends" you respond, gaze still avoiding his as you could hear him let out a little sigh like he was exhausted,  "then I will talk and you can ignore me" that tone practically pleading.

finally looking up to him, eyes begging "why do you always have to make it hard for me?"

"I could ask you the same"

truly you didn't knew how to respond, it was an endless cycle, one you falters comes to the others house in the middle of the night, you both fuck so roughly that you both can't forget about it though you know it's a mistake and the cycle repeats.

so you keep your mouth shut, walking away from the entrance door to your kitchen as he follows you like a dog and you pour yourself a scotch, though you never usually used to drink.

he stood against the kitchen counter, observing you, his eyes trailing to you as you poured the liquid into the glass, he watched without judgement while you took a longgg sip.

this cycle had gone on for months fuck maybe years now. you can't remember, you can't keep track all you know is that each time it happens- it's like something primal takes over. your anger and guilt are stripped away and you crave him so bad that nothing matters.

you shook your head to forget about all the memories, all the nights - silently pouring scotch into a second glass, again without any eye contact swiping it over the desk to him.

cheol took it instantly like he could def. take some alcohol rn and took a sip, it tasted as good as always, he always liked the specific scotch you always had in the kitchen. "it's my favorite, you know that right?"

"i know" your voice almost uncounciously empathized the 'i' which stung considering that his fiance probably didn't.

his grip tightened around the glass, he didn't want to admit it but your voice almost made him want to drop the glass onto the ground. he sighed, staring at the scotch, "why do you torture me like this?"

"fuck," you mutter under your breath, covering your face with your hands, rubbing over it shortly like trying to wash it till your eyes finally meet his and your tone becomes louder in frustration: "better question: why do you always show up? why are you always there in the right moment at the right time to find a weak unstable me? damn it, why do you always have to look like that?"

and though cheol was pleading with his eyes earlier for you to look at him now that you finally did- he looked away, shame painted his features and you hated the fact that your heart grew tighter.

for a moment he couldn't form a word or respond in any way, guilt hitting him as his silence stretched out. he closed his eyes, the truth of your question hitting him hard. "I'm a fool" he said simply after a moment

and you hated the fact that you wanted to hug him till you couldn't breathe, you hated the fact that you wanted to bury your face in the crotch of his neck, you hated the fact that you wanted to kiss him till your lips were numb.

he swallowed hard and opened his eyes, looking at you again, but only for a second before looking away once more. it was clear he couldn't hold eye contact without thinking of all the times you've done this, the guilt now growing stronger, "I'll leave" he said simply, almost monotone.

you felt like you struggled to breathe, sighing strongly, this is what had to be done- this is what you wanted but no- this was not at all what you wanted. And watching him go, would be even more painful then waking up next to him in his bed, but again you couldn't say no as this is what you've been practically begging him to do for the past seven minutes.

he stepped away from the counter, ready to make his leave. he didn't dare look at you again, he couldn't. but as he walked toward the front door your voice stopped him at the last moment. "cheol...wait" your voice was soft, barerly audible.

you couldn't help the way you leaned forward arms instantly wrapped around his buff body, the way your face burried in his chest.

holding you like that for quite a while, pulling back ever so slightly, only to have you wrap your arms around his neck. he smiled down at you as his hands gripped your cheeks, "I don't understand you" he muttered in-between kisses. "you're so unpredictable, I try so hard not to show up, and yet you still pull me back in".

"If you weren't here in-" broken of by a messy kiss, "the time i wouldn't even have- fuck" again broken off by his greedy lips.

his kisses were messy, sloppy even- he kissed you the same way you could imagine a starving person drinking water after a day long hike. he was so desperate, a deep hunger behind each kiss. after every kiss he leaned his head back away from yours as he took a breath, his hands traveling up your back, your body tightly pressing into his, "please don't stop" he muttered between panting.

"please never leav-" practically groaning as you're cut of once more

"say it again" he muttered hoarsely, as if the words would turn him to dust if you didn't repeat them again.

"never leave," you added, "never leave again"