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“Has it been really lonely?” you ask, compassion leaking through the crack in your voice.
The pause is answer enough. And you expected it. What you didn’t expect, though, was his reply, “I have you now.”
Debs!!! Hello again you amazing and gorgeous human being. Honestly, I’m so glad to have taken the time to read this chapter because it’s been a while and school has left little to no free time for me. So the second I got an inch of freedom, I took it, and now I’m here.
First, I would like to say that I really missed this world as well as your own writing. It feels so light and free, and I feel comforted every time I read one of your works, so thank you for being here and continuing to share your own creations. I don’t deserve you, but I’m grateful for you.
I really loved the set up of this chapter. I mean, from the beginning you can see how the main character is trying to keep things in equilibrium on shaky ground, but once she found her footing, things just kind of took off and left little control. The repetition that was weaved throughout, all of the "You're over it" “You will not break. You’re over him.” You're over Namjoon", to show her increasing desperation to not let underlying feelings overtake her was really something beautiful. And you know that if those emotions do take over, it could mean possibly reopening the wound of what broke them apart the first time, so it’s more like a defense mechanism. A mantra to protect her and her heart. And it seemed to be working fine until this part:
“I mean, I imagined being undressed in your bed again, but I definitely didn’t think it would be like this.”
Record scratch. Freeze frame. Sir!!!! I honestly had to take a minute and pull away from my phone because I definitely was not expecting that at all. But it would be a lie if I said that it wasn’t welcomed.
It’d occurred to you once that the fates had a sense of humor, and now you’re quickly realizing that tormenting you is their favorite brand of humor.
Once I read this I was like “Alright SAMEEE!!!” It’s okay mc, we’re in this together babe.
Also, the part that details Namjoon’s loneliness really made my heart reach out for him. Maybe it’s because during the first few chapters we see everything from the main character’s point of view and seeing her hang out with her friends and family, and we’re not really taking into account how Namjoon feels. But just reading that part made my heart yearn for him, and so did the main character’s because slowly you begin to see her submit to her inner feelings. Begin to see that she might not be as over him as she may have believed. (Okay, but pulling the 'Joonie' card and the hand on the thigh was low so I'm lowkey side-eying Yeri for now).
And then this jaw-dropper:
You’re definitely not over him.
Even though a part of me knew that this is what it would come to, it still surprised me to see it and actually have it set in stone. Now I’m curious as to how everything else will unfold between her and Namjoon and Yeri because I’m guessing she’s catching feelings for him too.
I was actually going to send my thoughts last night but my body was just so fatigued and I was mentally drained, but now that I've had some time to sleep and spend more time thinking about it, I'm just like WOW!! You really wrote this Debs! And I can’t believe that it’s taken me such a long time to get to it because it’s so beautiful.
Thank you so much Debs! You continually amaze me each and every time you write and I’m so proud to know you and read your works. I adore you and I’m sending in my love.💕💕💕
sincerely, but no longer yours | chapter 4
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sincerely, but no longer yours | ex!kim namjoon x reader
genre | angst, exes au
summary | It started as a coping mechanism as getting the words out provided a form of catharsis. But now you can’t stop writing these love letters, even with the knowledge that they’ll never get sent. After all, who writes love letters to their ex?
word count | 4.2k
chapter rating | PG-13
warnings | none
a/n | IM SO SORRY this is late 😔😔 skldjflkj i was trying to get this out for namjoon’s bday butttt i failed HAHAH sighz life just threw consecutive curveballs my way ok but here we go!!!! part foouuuurrrr
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“It’s not every day a man comes home to see the woman he’s been missing like crazy for months only to find out that she’s carrying his baby,”
Hi Dia! It’s been a while, but I hope that you’ve been doing well. I’m actually really glad that I took a few minutes for myself and read this beautiful piece because...wow. I didn’t realize how much I missed this universe until I was a few paragraphs in and all of the feelings surrounding this series came rushing back. It was so beautiful to go back in time for a bit and see another moment of their relationship and their life surrounding this pregnancy, even more so when you learn that Namjoon doesn’t want the main character to do this alone and that he’ll be with her along the way.
We. He said ‘we’. Insinuating that he is in this with you. Thinking about it makes you feel warm in the chest. Perhaps if you haven’t been crying all night, you would feel it burning in your eyes too, but the hope blooming within you is stopping you from shedding more tears.
This part made my heart melt. I was excited with her even though I already know what’s going to happen later on, but it was a blissful moment and one that should be treasured. But then when you added:
Hope blooms together with relief after hearing what he just said to you. After knowing that he truly cares. But once again, you refuse to let it bloom into something else. You refuse to let yourself dream to have more.
Because dreams are the things that hurt you the most.
It felt like my heart shattered into a million pieces on the floor beneath me. I felt that deeply, and as I continued to read on and see her thoughts, it was a bittersweet moment that you depicted so wonderfully.
Thank you Dia for making my very long day. This is exactly what I needed and I’m so grateful for you. I’m sending you my love💕💕💕
The Stand-In | #002.1 - Delicate Blooms
➬ Title | #002.1 - Delicate Blooms
➬ Summary | The secret is out, but how would he react to it? Keeping this secret for months has been hard enough for you to do. You had never thought that confessing to your baby’s daddy would be even harder.
↳ Pairings | Namjoon x reader
↳ Genre | Friends to Lovers!au, Failed Marriage!au, Post Divorce!au, Expecting Parents!au
↳ Ratings | PG-13
↳ Word count | 4k words
↳ Fic Index | The Stand-In
Author’s Note | Written as a commission for @saving_gracie who had requested for a specific scene that we passed on during the reveal of our OC’s pregnancy. This scene takes place after drabble #002 with a part of drabble #003, after the surprise homecoming Namjoon had set up to reunite with his little Peach.
The house has never felt so quiet.
It had never felt this way on those nights you had spent time here while Namjoon was away. Even if you had been here with no other companion but silence, at least it had felt more comforting than it is now.
The quiet between you feels deafening. All of a sudden, the house feels cold. He feels cold.
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Yet, it’s the way you look at him afterwards, a deliriousness swimming in your eyes that makes Namjoon want to keep you in his bed forever. Fuck you until you can’t walk without feeling him deep inside of you. Paint your skin so that everyone knows who you belong to.
It’s not a secret that the BB! Series is one of my favorites of all time, but if you didn’t know then surprise! But honestly, anything and everything that you have written thus far has captured my heart. It shouldn’t be surprising that your words have an impact on me, but they do. And each and every time I come onto your page to read something, that constant feeling of wonder and fascination and just plain adornment continues to get stronger.
Your writing feels like the epitome of soft white fluffy clouds in a light blue sky that sparkle with glitter and gold: soft, but so vivid and dreamy, but enough to make you feel as though you're right there with the characters. As if this barrier of a screen is worthless when it comes to your writing. And I feel like the beginning of each and every one of your stories is so powerful. I mean, you are the epitome of poetic writing. Just from the intro alone, you had lines like:
It’s bent with the remembrance of his fingers, sepia-toned dogged-ear pages staring at the ceiling of his dorm room.
~~~
For now, you swallow it down. Suffocate that longing until the embers burning within you smother to ashes
~~~
The words don’t sink in though, sitting on your skull before hastily floating away.
~~~
Your attention span is incredibly short — Namjoon knows this. It ricochets off the walls even when you’re sitting still.
~~~
And so many more that have made me wonder: what is going on in that beautiful mind of yours? How are you able to capture scenery and emotions and turn them into pure liquid gold? A priceless entity that you have stored in your heart and mind and fingers, as if it had always been there, and you’re sharing it with us. For free!
As I continued reading, it felt easy to submerge myself into their little bubble. Know the ins and outs of their relationships. Learn about the things that make them tick, but also the things that make them laugh. The moments that have made me laugh.
“I’m ovulating, Namjoon,” you retort instead.
“And you’re also on birth control,” he rebuttals. “PEMDAS or whatever. It cancels out the baby option, right?”
I chuckled when I got to this part because it seemed so out there, but god did this strike perfectly with how you have already built up their relationship. Especially when it came to moments when you realize that the main character hasn’t said those three little words yet, but you know that she wants to. Even though it’s a moment that kind of tears you out of their haze because you know that’s its lingering on her lips, its beautiful in a way for her to just want to say them, you know? But I think that that particular phrase is immensely paralleled to the way that they feel for each other. Like this part:
The tent in his loose shorts hurts. There’s a part of him that’s mortified — how could he get hard just from the thought of you when you’re sitting right there on his bed? Perhaps it’s proof that you’ve invaded everything he is. His space, his heart, his mind.
And most definitely this:
His gaze is so intense you instinctively want to clamp your legs shut, shy away from how seen you feel under his eyes. Yes, technically you were naked in his bed but there’s something else that he draws out just from looking at you. Something that makes you nervous because you like it so much.
“Don’t hide from me.” It’s whispered in the heat of the air, Namjoon picking up on how your legs drift together. He’s got them pressed apart a second later, grip firm but gentle, and your stomach does a swoop so dangerous you’re left violently reeling, the ceiling above you spinning. “Don’t do that, angel. Too pretty to hide from me. I want to see all of you.”
Like, it feels as though there is so much more to them here. They’re so raw, so full-hearted, and there’s so much depth behind their actions and the words that they want to say but are still a little bit hesitant to say them, and I believe that that is the most priceless thing about this part. It’s an occasion where they’ve not quite tethered over the edge, but they’re getting there. And the journey, at least in my eyes, is always a bit more interesting than the final destination. Of course, there are the succeeding drabbles in this series that have made my heart leap beyond galaxies, but for them and during this moment in time, everything that you wrote just felt so right. The emotions they had for each other were not too much, but also not too slight and you were able to envoke them so perfectly and easily here.
Thank you so much Fina. This was getting rather long, so I forced myself to stop before I rambled even more, but this just really made my night. I hope you’ve been doing well, and thank you for all of the beautiful pieces you have written. They, and you of course, will always have a home in my heart. Thank you again!! I’m sending lots of cyber hugs and kisses💕💕💕
→ bad behaviour 03 — a namjoon scenario
member: kim namjoon
word count: 7.5k
rating: 18+
genre: established relationship + smut + college!au
warnings: we’re ovulating!!! / introduction to the breeding kink that will plague this couple forever / was meant 2 be a drabble?? im incapable we know that / eh big joon!!!! / manhandling kink / pet names used a lot / joon thinks he’s gf is dumb and wants to breed her idk man / size kink / crying when cumming / oc shy for once / discussion of twitter porn / creampie / oc is on birth control (obvs dont do this if u dont want a kid but this is a fanfic u know) / mentions of fisting porn / cock warming!! / if u see a typo no u dont
soundtracks: more than enough + morroco, alina baraz
prompt: “don’t you think there is always something unspoken between two people?” (Something Unspoken, Tennessee Williams).
It’s a rather serene Thursday afternoon, the late autumn breeze sweeping through the campus air. The stillness was ideal for studying, alluding to assignment deadlines creeping round the corner. Which was why your butt is firmly parked in the mess of Kim Namjoon’s sheets.
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A finger tips your chin up from the sight you were fixated on.
“Eyes on me.”
Hi Debs!
To be honest, I had to spend a few minutes just mulling over how I wanted to start this, but there is absolutely no perfect way to explain what I’m feeling right now, so I guess I have to settle for this until better words come around.
This chapter was so filling, so emotional and raw, and dare I say a bit empting too (in a good way) because of the emotions felt at the end? The way you started this part, a continuation of the last chapter and the main character just trying to reflect and manage her emotions, was so satisfying. I mean, you see her trying to act “normal”, but the constant contemplations that are circling throughout her mind are deafening. Enough so to make her write another letter to find some sense of direction. And when you think back to the first letter that she wrote to Namjoon, it felt final and filled with relief because of the thoughts that she wanted to release were on the page, but this time, it felt so turbulent. Like she didn’t know what direction to carry her letter because of her thoughts and lingering feelings toward Namjoon. Maybe it was the denial holding her back from feeling some sort of relief because maybe she does want Namjoon back in her life in the way it was before, but she’s too scared that things are going to mess up again. I just thought that scene was very well done and it makes my stomach fill with butterflies whenever I think about it.
The smut scene and the way you depicted the emotions following it were done so well! You could tell immediately when the reality hit and guilt started to form, and I felt really sad for the main character because I know just how hard she was beating herself up for her actions.
Thank you so Debs for this part. I always enjoy reading your works. They have made my night so much better, so thank you again! I can’t wait to see what happens next. Sending you lots of love💕💕💕
P.S- I really liked this part and I wanted to add it in before I forget: As it is right now, your thoughts are like nodes floating in a decontextualized void, the web still unformed because you haven’t had the time to grapple with everything yet.
I just forgot to talk about it earlier, but its so poetic and beautiful and I found myself returning to that one sentence even after I was finished reading. I enjoyed that section very much, and thank you again!!
sincerely, but no longer yours | chapter 5
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sincerely, but no longer yours | ex!kim namjoon x reader
genre | angst, smut, exes au
summary | It started as a coping mechanism as getting the words out provided a form of catharsis. But now you can’t stop writing these love letters, even with the knowledge that they’ll never get sent. After all, who writes love letters to their ex?
word count | 5.2k
chapter rating | 18+
warnings | angst, smut (but it’s angsty smut lksjdflk help), nipple play, dry humping, alcohol consumption, someee intense jealousy
a/n | FIRST OF ALL im so sorry this is so incredibly late lskjdflkjs life has been extremely busy for me 😪 but it’s here!!!! thank you to everybuddy who’s been waiting patiently for this 🤧🤧 but i think this is one of the most angsty chapters of the series soooo 🙃
Namjoon’s an expert at avoiding uncomfortable topics, even if they’re massively serious. It’s something you absolutely hated and it was the cause of many arguments in your previous relationship, and perhaps was even the ultimate cause of your breakup.
But right now, you’re really beginning to understand the appeal.
The first time he swung by the museum for lunch after his birthday celebration - a paper bag in hand filled with bagels still warm and toasty from the store on the corner that you adore - you were caught entirely off guard.
Your mind jumps to the unread messages sitting in your texts and you regret ignoring them. Not because the guilt had hit you, but because maybe if you had been contactable, you would have received a heads-up that he was coming by.
Some might call it selfish, but you prefer to call it self-preservation.
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“Seriously, dude it is not fucking worth it. I don’t care how good the sex was. Trust me when I tell you to leave that alone.”
Okay so this was just a thought that I had before I went to bed because I knew that I would probably miss the release of the second part of this series, but there's a trailer of a Masterclass with Margaret Atwood that I watched about a year ago and within the first ten seconds, she switches the beginning of the classic tale of Little Red Riding Hood by starting off with, "It was dark inside of the wolf". When I first listened to this, I immediately got chills because who would've ever thought to think of something darker than what was already told by this story? Who would've ever thought to already take such a classic tale and change only the most minuscule of words to make it that much different yet so much more sinister? And I think that brings me to what I'm trying to say here. There are so many stories about friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, ones about sports, ones using particular universes. And I think it's the fact that no matter how similar each one may seem from the outside, it's the writer that makes each story told within unique and special. There will be no other story like Little Red Riding Hood or the Great Gatsby or Moby Dick, Frankenstein, etc., just like how there will be no other story like this one. And I know that we spoke a little bit about this, but I hope you are proud of each part you release and that your worries are minimal. I'm so proud of you even though this is only the second part, but I'm faithfully looking forward to seeing what happens next, seeing if my mind map is somewhat correct, but most of all, coming along and enjoying the journey you have planned.
I also just realized that I have said nothing about this part in particular, but the ending really captured my attention because it’s like, let’s say hypothetically Jungkook does come out on top, what will be the cost? His place on the team? His friendships? I’m really curious about that. I also liked how you said that the main character doesn’t need saving and that she's her own person, and I think that's something to be kept in mind throughout this entire series, so thank you Fal!! I’m sending you lots of love and I can’t wait to see what happens next.💕
Face-Off (Chapter Two)
Pairing: Jungkook x Female Reader x Namjoon
Summary: a collection of drabbles. a complicated situation is exacerbated when the team’s newest transfer comes to town.
Series Genre/AU/Warnings: angst. smut. fluff. college au. hockey players. love triangle. established relationship (?) unconventional relationship. jealousy & pining. lots of hook ups. tbh one or both love interests might hook up with other characters that aren’t the reader and if you don’t like that, don’t read. no infidelity but the relationship dynamics are complicated. lots of insecurities and clashing male egos. sex is at times weaponized/used as retaliation for hurt feelings. there are nice things too I promise.
Chapter Warnings: brief voyeurism, explicit sexual content, language, excessive drinking.
A/N: collegiate hockey season doesn’t usually start until October but for the purposes of this fic, the season starts soon after the beginning of the Fall semester. Also, a duster is a player who rides the bench, a puck bunny is a a hockey groupie.
Series Masterlist
Tonight had been a little weird. Fun, yes, but definitely weird. Jungkook was under the impression you’d be with him tonight. He texted you earlier to confirm your attendance and when he offered to send you the address, you responded to let him know you already had it. Weird, he thought but then again you’re not the new one at this school. Maybe you’ve partied at the captain’s place before.
Then he saw you, fleetingly amidst the other partygoers. You hadn’t texted him that you’d arrived. In fact, it didn’t even really seem like you were looking for him. Weird again, but Jungkook had hope in his heart that by the end of the night, he’d have the entirety of your attention. Really, he was more than confident that you’d both end back up in his bed. So if you wanted to play cat and mouse in the meantime, he’d acquiesce.
With a smug smile on his lips, he busied himself with making conversation elsewhere. Time went on though. Time went on and soon Jungkook lost sight of your smiling face. This wasn’t part of the game he was hoping to play. He figured you would have at least acknowledged the text he shot off earlier from across the room. Surely you would have come to find him when you saw the complimentary, yet playful message. But still, there was radio silence. Weird.
It was then, he supposed, he’d take matters into his own hands.
‘Don’t go looking for trouble’ was not what Jungkook expected to hear when inquiring about your whereabouts. And yet, like a liquored up fool, he decided that Seokjin must have been joking. From the little he knew about the Defenseman and co-host of tonight’s party, he loved messing around with the younger teammates. Jungkook, new as he may be, was no exception. So, rosy cheeked and more than a little tipsy, he laughed it off as a jestful jab and made the trek through the apartment to find you. And find you, he did.
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It doesn’t have to be so scary to let him in.
Hi Fal!
I really enjoyed this part, even though this was a punch to the gut. I honestly wasn't expecting the angst train to come so soon, not that I mind at all, but I guess it's expected for a story like this one. Though this also means that I have to be more cautious so that I don't get my heart ripped out of my chest, sliced in half by skates, and then shot into a net later on.
I feel for the main character. She was beginning to build slow acceptance/consideration into trusting Namjoon and then THAT happens, and all of her trust shatters.
(This is just an aside, but I think that it's amazing in general how one small act of events can turn things completely around. It makes me wonder if that message was never sent or if the main character never saw it what her outlook might've been later on (but then again, the truth always comes out, right?))
I also really liked this part:
"Namjoon may have his selfish tendencies, but in between these sheets, he is wholly selfless and he is yours."
It's kind of ironic because after rereading this, it makes you question with everything going on, "is he really? He loves her...right???" And those photos were sort of the icing on the cake for that. And I also like this part as well because of that:
It is in these moments, between the pauses in pleasure and the gruffness of his whispered encouragements, that you’re able to see the Namjoon no one else sees.
I also really liked this part:
What if he's brought other people between those sheets, you know? What if the girl who sent those pics is a close second? Even though there's this pettiness now with their relationship situation (situationship?), I don't want to make any calls yet. Who knows? We haven't seen things from Namjoon's pov yet so I'm awfully curious to see if these things reign true. Maybe things aren't what they seem to be? Perhaps I'm being too optimistic and hoping that maybe there's something unshown, but I do think that this part was a pretty precise stab to the heart.
Because if there’s one thing you won’t give Namjoon again, it’s your tears. You won’t let him see you crumble like you did before. You won’t let him see that he still holds that power over you. But what you will show him is that two can play this game and that you can play it better.
Idk why when it's filled with hurt and anger and pettiness but there's a hidden beauty behind it (maybe strength?) that I wish I could explain rn but I cannot. Especially not before I've had any caffeine in my body to wake me up😂
Sorry for rambling! Thank you for listening/reading my thoughts Fal!! I can't wait to read more. Sending you lots and lots and lots and lots of love💕 *plays safety net and leave me lonely by ariana grande on the way out*
Face-Off (Chapter Three)
Pairing: Jungkook x Female Reader x Namjoon
Summary: a collection of drabbles. a complicated situation is exacerbated when the team’s newest transfer comes to town. (POV shifts depending on the chapter.)
Series Genre/AU/Warnings: angst. smut. fluff. college au. hockey players. love triangle. established relationship (?) unconventional relationship. jealousy & pining. lots of hook ups. tbh one or both love interests might hook up with other characters that aren’t the reader and if you don’t like that, don’t read. no infidelity but the relationship dynamics are complicated. lots of insecurities and clashing male egos. sex is at times weaponized/used as retaliation for hurt feelings. there are nice things too I promise.
Chapter Warnings: oral sex (f receiving) mentions of explicit photos. glimpses into namjoon and reader’s weird situation - this one hurts a little.
A/N: a special thanks to @hobi-gif for beta-ing for me and for yelling at me to finish when I needed a kick in the ass 😂
Series Masterlist
There are certain moments with Namjoon that feel entirely too wonderful to be real. Waking up in his bed with nothing between you but skin make up most of them. And this morning is no different as he greets you with soft kisses on your thighs and an eager tongue in your cunt.
He loves to wake you this way. He loves how you watch him with tired, pleading eyes. He loves the way you moan in the morning, soft, sleepy and solely for him. Namjoon may have his selfish tendencies, but in between these sheets, he is wholly selfless and he is yours.
It is in these moments, between the pauses in pleasure and the gruffness of his whispered encouragements that you’re able to see the Namjoon no one else sees.
You catch yourself counting the ways he takes care of you. It is easier to appreciate how he shows his love for you and makes you question why you’ve kept your walls up so long. It is in these moments, you want to give him everything.
Maybe it doesn’t have to be so hard, you think. Maybe it could all work out. Namjoon loves you; he wants you so much that he can hardly wait for you to wake to show you. It doesn’t have to be so scary to let him in.
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