Kth X Reader - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 46 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 3.2k

warnings: none

Chapter 46: Lying To Yourself - Part 1

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

You stood there frozen, your feet rooted to the spot by the crushing weight of the revelation you held in your hand. From the bathroom came the unmistakable sound of Tae singing none other than ‘Sweet Night’, but you sadly found no comfort in the loving words he sang in his rich, baritone voice. Why? Because that same voice blatantly lied to you yesterday and probably last week too, you now realized. Although your mind was currently racing with a million unanswered questions, there was one that clearly stood out above all the rest:

Who was ‘J’?

The answer which immediately came to mind was the most heartbreaking one imaginable: that it was Jisoo. After all, she was the one who pointed out Tae’s ‘forgetfulness’ last week and who also, less than an hour ago, uttered those words which you once thought to be complete nonsense and now realized were frighteningly true:

He’s lying to you.

However, it occurred to you a second later that Tae already had her number saved in his phone under her full name. You had seen it yourself when he showed you his text conversation with her last Sunday. After quickly going back to the list of messages, you found the one with her name a few rows up. Tapping on it, you saw all of their most recent exchanges which were incredibly mundane and transactional.

‘I’m in the parking garage.’

‘Meet you at the café in 10.’

‘Heading to your studio now.’

You momentarily relaxed before it dawned on you that ‘J’ could still be Jisoo texting from another phone. That seemed a bit unbelievable, but up until five minutes ago the idea that Tae had lied about what he did yesterday would have seemed unbelievable too. The ease with which he had led you to believe he was going to the dorms to see the guys was alarming, as was how elaborate his cover up was. He had gone so far as to fabricate an entire conversation he had with them about why he had to leave before ‘dinner’ started.

It made you nauseous to know that you had sent those photos of yourself to him without knowing where he was or what he was doing. But, it made you absolutely sick that you had then allowed yourself to be so physically and emotionally vulnerable with him once he came home. Knowing he had lied and then been intimate with you like that just made you feel so betrayed.

Looking around the very room where you had done those intimate things together and shared those intimate words, you were suddenly overcome with an intense urge to flee, to get as far away from here and him as humanly possible.

So that’s what you did. You fled.

As you sprinted through the apartment, hastily throwing on the clothes you found strewn on the floor as you went, you tried to wrap your head around just how quickly everything had fallen apart. Ten minutes ago you were on top of the world after putting Jisoo in her place and now here you were utterly flailing, questioning everything that had once seemed so certain. You felt so embarrassed, truly mortified, to have put on that show for her only to discover now that she was right: Tae was lying to you.

What exactly he was lying about remained to be seen, but it was clear what Jisoo wanted you to think it was. She had not-so-subtly alluded to it last Friday. Over the weekend you had convinced yourself that she was full of shit, but those texts made it so much harder to continue believing that. You simply could not deny how your stomach churned every time you thought about the last message ‘J’ had sent.

Can’t wait to finish what we started 😉

The rest of their conversation had been very ordinary, almost business-like, but that message changed the tone entirely. It was so overtly suggestive that it was impossible to read those words and not imagine the worst. And that’s exactly what you were doing right now: imagining the worst.

Tae secretly going to her apartment yesterday afternoon. The two of them together on the couch, her straddling him and grinding against him as his hands wandered over her body and they devoured each other. How they might have been just moments away from moving to the bedroom when your texts interrupted them. How he would have sighed in frustration when he realized he’d have to go home and ‘take care of you’ so you wouldn’t be suspicious. How much he was probably looking forward to going back to her on Friday so they could ‘finish what they started’ and go all the way.

The thought of Tae cheating on you made your heart ache with such excruciating pain that by the time you reached the apartment door you were sobbing and hyperventilating. You didn’t know where you were going to go or what you were going to do. All you knew was that you needed to go somewhere, do something to make the hurting stop.

Your hand was literally on the doorknob, about to turn it so you could make your escape, when suddenly you felt your phone vibrate in your back pocket. Pulling it out, you realized that it actually wasn’t your phone, but Tae’s. In your haste to flee the apartment, you had accidentally taken it with you instead of your own. Unable to contain your curiosity, you glanced down at the screen through tear-filled eyes to find a new message from Jimin.

[Jimin 12:38 PM] Sounds good. Also, as soon as you get here I want to hear how yesterday went. You never texted me afterwards!

Upon reading those words, the vice that had been steadily tightening around your lungs and threatening to suffocate you loosened ever so slightly. Closing your eyes and relaxing your shoulders, you allowed yourself to breathe a tiny, hesitant sigh of relief. Jimin was one of the most kind, loyal, wonderful people you had ever met in your entire life. Tae loved and respected him more than anyone in the whole world. If Jimin knew what Tae was doing, and was asking about it all excitedly, then there was no way it involved Jisoo in an inappropriate way.

Right?

With this new piece of the puzzle in place, you began considering all new possibilities for what Tae might be doing and why he might not be telling you about it. Maybe it was something Jimin or one of the other guys asked him to keep private. Maybe it was something BTS-related that he wasn’t able to share with you yet. Maybe it was something about his upcoming mixtape. Maybe he wrote you another song that was meant to be a surprise. Maybe it was your Christmas present. Whatever it was, if Jimin was on board with it then it must be OK.

Right?

You were pulled from your thoughts when you heard the sound of little footsteps coming up behind you. Turning around, you were met with the sight of Tannie staring up at you with his adorably angry eyes. As you looked down at him, you had a flashback to the day you overheard Tae in the kitchen on the phone. You remembered how truly devastated he was when he realized you had allowed yourself to believe he was using you for sex. You remembered how broken he looked as he laid there beside you, the way his tears slowly trickled down his beautiful face. You remembered that you had almost ruined everything by accusing him of something without knowing all the facts.

Were you now about to make that exact same mistake? Were you jumping to conclusions, yet again, and letting your fears and Jisoo’s manipulative words cloud your judgement? Or, were your worries and suspicions valid? Should you tell Tae you went through his messages and confront him about what you discovered, a choice which would almost certainly reveal that you were questioning his faithfulness? Or, should you say nothing? Should you trust that whatever he was doing and whatever reasons he had for not telling you about it, he loved you unconditionally, was wholly committed to your relationship, and would never do anything to hurt you?

The weight of all of those unanswered questions was absolutely crushing. It was all just too much. You were so terribly confused, so painfully conflicted. Every choice you considered making somehow seemed to be the wrong one. No matter what you did, someone would get hurt. You just felt so trapped. Trapped by your contract and the forbidden nature of your relationship. Trapped by the fake dating cover and your dependency on Jisoo. Trapped by your own insecurity and inability to understand or communicate your thoughts and feelings.  

Slumping against the door and sliding down to the floor in a heap, you let out a strangled, frustrated sob. Tannie immediately picked up on your distress, climbed onto your lap, and began trying to comfort you with kisses.

“I don’t know what to do, Tannie,” you cried into his fur as you held him close. “I just don’t know what to do.”

After sitting there with him for a few more minutes, you ultimately came to the realization that you were not in the right state of mind to make any sort of decision about what to do moving forward. At the moment, you were totally overwhelmed and not thinking straight, still reeling from the roller coaster of emotions you’d experienced in the last hour. What you needed more than anything was to take a step back and get yourself together. You needed time and space to think through everything and figure out how you really felt before you said or did something you might one day regret.

Slowly, you got up off the floor and quietly crept back to the bedroom to find Tae miraculously still in the shower. You dropped his phone down onto the bed, grabbed your own, and then opened the bathroom door just a bit. Speaking through the crack so he couldn’t see your tear stained face, you told him Eunji had called saying Mrs. Choi was looking for you and that you needed to head back immediately. He bought your lie easily, saying it was actually a good idea for you to return at different times. You said goodbye, told him you loved him, and then left for Big Hit.

You spent the rest of the day on edge and in a daze, trying desperately to sort through the tangled mess inside your head. Tae was busy with meetings and rehearsal which you were so thankful for; there was absolutely no way you would be able to keep it together if he was there with you in the studio. Although you held back any tears that threatened to fall, you spent all afternoon teetering on the edge of a breakdown. Several times Mrs. Choi came over to you asking if everything was OK and each time you replied with the same, ‘I’m fine’. You got the sense she wasn’t buying it, but thankfully she did not press you further.

As the initial shock of discovering Tae’s deception began to slowly wear off, you found you were able to think more rationally about the situation. With every passing second, your belief that Jisoo was the true root of the problem grew stronger. While there was no way for her to have known you would stumble upon that text conversation, you had no doubt she was hoping you would catch Tae in a lie at some point and get the wrong idea. The fact that she knew he was working on something private and was manipulating the situation to make it seem like he was cheating was truly sickening. Her behavior demonstrated a whole new level of cruelty, one that was incredibly disturbing and honestly frightening.

There was a part of you that wanted to tell Tae about Jisoo’s scheming, but deep down you were still terrified that doing so might do more harm than good. Other than the night of your nightmare, Tae had never once acknowledged that anything he did as part of the fake dating cover could lead you to question his faithfulness. Did that not occur to him because the idea of cheating was something he couldn’t even fathom? Could he truly be so committed and devoted to you, so trusting in your love and the strength of your relationship, that it never even crossed his mind that you might have doubts? You wanted so desperately for that to be true and the more you thought about Tae’s genuine, innocent nature, the more convinced you were that it was.

It was for this very reason, though, that you were so weary of even hinting at this devastating accusation. If you leveled it against him, you could never take it back. There was not a doubt in your mind that it would crush him to know you’d had these terrible thoughts about him. Even if Jisoo was the one who put them there in the first place, you still feared he might never be able to look at you the same if you told him. You feared he would forever doubt your trust in him and that your relationship would never fully recover.

Despite all that, though, you could not ignore the flickers of doubt and fear that lingered all afternoon in the dark corners of your mind. They were there, threatening to derail your every thought, and you knew they would remain there until you spoke with Tae about what he was hiding. By the time you got home you had finally come to a decision about what to do. You would take the rest of the week to settle down and then confront him on Friday, the next time he went to meet with ‘J’. You wouldn’t mention Jisoo or the texts, you would just ask him point blank where he was really going, give him a chance to explain, and hope that the conversation that followed would put to rest any of your remaining worries.

All you needed to do was just stay calm and act natural until then. You needed to take time to think through what you wanted to say to Tae and how you wanted to say it. That way you could relay your thoughts and concerns without accusing him, hurting him, and making the situation worse. If you could just kept it together for the next few days and have a rational discussion with him on Friday, everything would be OK.

Sadly, though, you soon came to realize just how difficult a task that would prove to be. 

When Tae got home a little while later, you were in the bedroom about to change out of your work clothes. You were so lost in thought, once again pondering the days’ unsettling events, that you didn’t hear him come into the room. Before you even knew what was happening, he was wrapping his arms around you from behind in an intimate embrace.

“Is my muse ready?” he hummed in your ear before placing a little kiss on your neck.

The instant you felt his touch, you flinched. It wasn’t subtle either; your entire body violently recoiled. A second later, as your mind involuntarily filled with awful thoughts of where else his hands and lips might have been, you instinctively stepped forward and tore yourself away from him. For the next few moments you just stood there, eyes screwed shut as you tried to calm your racing heart. You truly had not meant to react that way, but you just couldn’t help it. The heartbreaking truth, a truth which was so hard to admit to yourself, but impossible to deny, was that the first thing you felt when he touched you like that was panic.

Your unease grew exponentially when you realized what he was referring to when he called you his ‘muse’: the photoshoot in your lingerie. Just this morning you had been as eager as he was to do it, but after everything that had happened today, and with all of the questions and doubts still swirling in your head, the idea of being that vulnerable with him was just unthinkable. What was even more distressing, though, was that the very thought of being intimate with him in any capacity made you unbearably uncomfortable.

Slowly turning to face him, you found him wearing a completely shocked and undeniably wounded expression. At the sight of him standing there, looking so broken, your heart plummeted in your chest. You hated yourself for hurting him, the man you loved and wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but the feelings inside you right now were so overwhelming they just couldn’t be ignored. There were no two ways around it; you didn’t trust him right now. Not fully, not like you once did, not enough to give yourself to him again.

“Jagi?” he asked quietly as he looked at you expectantly.

“I-I’m sorry,” you stammered out, praying he couldn’t tell how nervous you were right now. “You just surprised me.”

“And, I’m...I’m just not feeling that well right now,” you then added weakly.

It was a blatant lie, but you had no idea what else to say. You were confused and terrified by your own feelings, and were nowhere near ready to try and talk about them, but you needed some sort of explanation for what was happening.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” he asked tenderly, his expression instantly morphing to one of concern.

“I have a headache and I feel a little nauseous,” you said hesitantly, hating yourself more and more with every insincere word that left your lips.

“When did this start?” he then questioned, the worry now deeply etched on his face.

“This afternoon,” you replied as you averted your eyes from his intense gaze.

“I'll be fine,” you then added, trying to diffuse the situation. “I just need to rest a little.”

He was quiet for a few moments as he studied you rather intently, his dark eyes searching yours as a look of slight suspicion flashed across his face. For a split second you thought he was going to call you out and ask what was really wrong, but then his expression softened.

“OK, if you’re sure,” was all he finally said as he tentatively brought his hands up to rest on your upper arms.

It took an enormous amount of self control, but you didn’t shudder at his touch. As he began gently rubbing his thumbs back and forth, you tried to relax and allow yourself to be comforted by the gesture that you knew was meant to be soothing.

“Why don’t you put on some comfy clothes and get cozy on the couch?” he then suggested. “I’ll make you dinner and then we can cuddle and watch something?”

“OK,” you agreed with a tight-lipped smile. “That sounds good”.

He gave you a hesitant smile in return before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. Blinking back tears as you watched him then turn around and walk away, you tried to convince yourself that everything was going to be OK. These feelings you had towards him were just temporary. They were the lingering effects of your body’s earlier flight or fight response, but they would subside.

Right?

‘This is Tae, my Tae’, you told yourself as a single tear escaped and rolled down your cheek.

He loves me.

I love him.

We’ll be OK.

Right?

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan  @jesus-in-the-womb  @infernal-alpaca  @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94  @taeyohonic

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 47 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 5.8k

warnings: none

A/N: The long ass chapter was unanimously voted for so here it is! I hope you enjoy. Also, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear your thoughts and reactions and predictions :)

Chapter 47: Lying To Yourself - Part 2

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

There are moments in your life that you know without question you will never forget. They are indelible, monumental ones with profound and lasting effects, ones during which everything changes and after which you know you will never be the same.

The moment in your backyard when your mom told you her diagnosis was one.

The moment on the beach when Tae first called you his and kissed your temple was another.

The moment in your bedroom when you unconsciously recoiled from him was the most recent.

The panic and unease that you felt when he touched you subsided by the time he left the room, but by then the damage had already been done. The look on his face after you pulled away from him had caused a fracture somewhere deep down in your heart. From it emanated a dull, throbbing ache that reverberated throughout every corner of your body right down to the very core of your being. Tae was the love of your life. He was one day going to be your husband and father of your children. He was your home.

But you had let things get so bad, had kept so many secrets and let your mental health deteriorate to such an extent that, for the briefest of moments, you had been afraid of him.

Feelings of immense shame and deep regret began welling up inside you almost instantly and only intensified as the night progressed and Tae showered you with a level of love and attention that you felt wholly undeserving of.

He made one of his grandmother’s recipes for dinner, one he said she always made for him whenever he wasn’t feeling well. Once he was done, he didn’t call you into the kitchen, he brought a plate to you right there in the living room. After settling in behind you on the couch with your back to his chest, he proceeded to feed you with one hand and hold you close with the other. As if that wasn’t adorable enough, he spent the whole time saying sweet things like, ‘Have to take care of my Jagi’ and ‘Want my sweetheart to feel better’. Later on, after you had watched several episodes of your show and were starting to drift off, he carried you to bed and tucked you in.

The flood of guilt that poured down upon you that night as you tried and failed to fall asleep nearly drowned you. Tae had given you everything. Not just that night, but every night and every day since that moment on the beach. He had shown you over and over again how much he loved and respected and cherished you, but still you let in doubts about him, stomping all over his unwavering support and commitment with your unfounded mistrust and suspicion.

Yes, you were in a unique, complicated, and stressful situation by dating Tae in secret and having a fake dating cover. Yes, you were being harassed and manipulated by a selfish, conniving bitch who was clearly determined to ruin your relationship. But, at the end of the day, you were ultimately the one to blame for your life’s current state of disrepair.

You didn’t speak up.

You didn’t ask for help.

You didn’t take control of your own life.

As you laid there in Tae’s arms, the faint, but steady panging in your chest a cruel reminder of the hurt you had caused to you both, your mind latched onto a small flicker of hope.

It’s not too late to fix this.

Right?

~~~

Monday night you had lied when you said you didn’t feel well, but over the course of the next few days you found yourself feeling legitimately ill as you toiled over how to fix the mess you had created. Your head hurt all the time, no doubt from the turbulent thoughts that endlessly swirled through your mind. You felt nauseous when you remembered the awful things you’d allowed yourself to imagine or thought about how close you’d been to ruining everything. Your body ached from head to toe, though, nothing hurt quite as much as your heart. And, you were tired, so, very tired.

You knew these physical symptoms were psychosomatic, mere manifestations of the emotional stress you were experiencing, but Tae didn’t and immediately went into concerned, protective boyfriend mode. Whenever he asked what you thought might be wrong you said you just felt off and not like yourself which was technically the truth. You told him not to worry, though, and that you were sure you would feel better soon which was also the truth. At the end of the week, once you talked to him and made a plan for how to move forward together, you would feel better.

However, your reassurances unfortunately did nothing to quell his worries. He spent all week fretting about your health and doting on you, making sure you were comfortable and taken care of at all times. Around the apartment, he didn’t let you lift a finger. Despite your protests, he insisted on doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry. He was also extremely physically affectionate, giving you shoulder massages and endless forehead kisses and all the cuddles, but he thankfully didn’t push for any kind of intimacy. Although the thought of it no longer made you uncomfortable, you wanted to wait until after you talked to be with him again.

He kept pleading for you to stay home from work and rest and even began threatening to tell Mrs. Choi that you were pushing yourself through sickness. You assured him it wasn’t that serious and that you were fine to keep working, but made an appointment with your doctor for next week anyway to appease him. It had been your plan to eventually make one anyway to discuss birth control options so the timing worked out.

While at work he was more affectionate and protective than ever before. Every day, he left one of your favorite dark chocolate truffles on the counter next to the ‘Best Friend Tata’ along with a secret, sweet note. When Mrs. Choi asked you to bring up some boxes from the storage closet downstairs, he offered to go with you and then refused to let you take any, carrying all three up by himself. He reminded you to stay hydrated throughout the day and refilled your water bottle every time it was close to empty. He even once accidentally gave your back an affectionate rub after you casually mentioned it was sore which thankfully no one saw.

All week long Jisoo seemed to be an afterthought to him, that is, if he even remembered at all that they were supposed to ‘dating’. He skipped all his cafe lunches with her and instead opted to eat with you in the break room. Clearly not wanting to leave your side unless absolutely necessary, he never went over to her studio. The few times she came to visit your studio, he paid her little mind and instead kept his focus on you, periodically asking how you were feeling or if there was anything you needed.

Although your original plan of purposefully rubbing your relationship in Jisoo’s face had gone out the window after the whole ‘J’ text message discovery, you realized partway through the week that Tae was unintentionally doing it anyway. Her displeasure over his lack of attention to her was deliciously obvious to you and the fact that he didn’t notice whatsoever made it all the sweeter. If him skipping lunch with her to have sex with you was winning the battle, then him basically forgetting about her existence because he was so concerned for your well-being was definitely winning the war.

You felt somewhat guilty for not telling him the real reason why you weren’t feeling well and for keeping him at arm’s length, but the space you created for yourself by doing so gave you some much-needed perspective regarding your current situation and its implications for your future together. Originally, you just wanted to confront him about what it was that he was hiding, but it dawned on you Monday night that doing so would only be addressing the symptom of a greater problem: the lack of trust and stability in your relationship. As the week progressed, and you thought through all that had happened and everything you were feeling, you eventually came to several crucial, long-overdue realizations.

By Tuesday, you knew you needed to come clean about everything you had been bottling up this past month. You were concealing your true feelings so as not to hurt him, but concealing your true feelings was causing him pain anyway. The longer you went without sharing them, the more damage they would cause when they inevitably spilled out. It would be painful for you both to talk about your deep-seated insecurities and the ways in which he had inadvertently hurt you, but together you would heal and your relationship would be that much stronger.

By Wednesday, you knew you needed to put an end to the fake dating immediately. Tae was fake dating Jisoo to protect your relationship, but fake dating Jisoo was putting your relationship in even greater danger than before. She had proven she could not be trusted and that her intentions were purely selfish. She was a deadly, toxic leech and it was clear she would keep taking from you until there was nothing left if given the chance. If Bang PD or anyone else still had doubts after they broke up, so be it. That was a risk you were willing to take to get her out of your life and take away the power she currently had over you.

By Thursday, though, you had come to the biggest, most consequential realization of all. You were at your station getting ready to head home for the day when Eunji and Donghae came over. You assumed they were coming over to gossip or just say goodbye…until you noticed they were holding hands. In hindsight, you shouldn’t have been surprised to learn they were dating. There had always been a little spark between them. You had always felt ever-so-slightly like a third wheel when you were all together.

Truly, though, you couldn’t be happier for them; they made a great couple. The excitement radiating off of them was contagious, and you found your mood lifting instantly just seeing them beam at one another all sappily. However, it was something Eunji said that had the most profound effect on you.

‘It just feels so good to say it out loud and not have to hide it anymore.'

That was the precise moment when you finally accepted a truth you had been avoiding for days: you needed to leave Big Hit. You were keeping your relationship a secret so you could be together, but keeping your relationship a secret was tearing you apart. You had come to this conclusion once before only to have Tae then convince you otherwise. His heart was absolutely in the right place when he did so, and you did not fault him for trying to preserve what seemed to be the ideal situation, but you knew now that the dream of being with him at Big Hit and with him was just too good to be true.

Sneaking around, keeping secrets, lying to everyone. You simply could not keep living like that for the next five plus years. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t fair. The truth, you now realized, was that you needed more. You both deserved more. You didn't deserve to have to keep things hidden, to be made to feel like your love was shameful and what you were doing was wrong. You deserved to be in a relationship where you felt secure, one where you could openly give and receive all the love and support you needed.

You leaving Big Hit would certainly present new challenges to your relationship, but if Tae loved you like you thought he did, he would understand it was truly the right decision. If you wanted that beautiful future he told you about - the kids, the big house in the countryside, the happily ever after - then this was a sacrifice that needed to be made.

Coming to all of these realizations had been a difficult and emotionally draining process, but you knew that sharing them with Tae was going to be even harder. No matter how carefully you chose your words, no matter how calmly you spoke, he was going to get extremely upset. For that reason, you thought long and hard about when to have this big, life-changing conversation.

Originally, you had planned to talk to him tomorrow before he met up with ‘J’, but he had actually not yet mentioned that he was going anywhere. If he wasn’t going out after all, you thought it might be best to wait until after the Big Hit family photoshoot on Saturday; dropping this bomb the night before seemed rather cruel. However, when you remembered that Jisoo was going to be there, and that she was going to be putting on a big show with Tae for Bang PD, you knew you couldn’t wait. You had to talk to him tomorrow.

You were looking forward to relaxing and enjoying this last evening with him before everything changed, but as soon as you got home from work you noticed Tae was a little off. He was strangely quiet throughout all of dinner and then only grew more withdrawn once you started cuddling on the couch watching Netflix. You were just about to ask him what was wrong when he suddenly paused the episode you were watching.

For the next few minutes he didn’t say anything, but you swear you could just hear him thinking. Eventually, he gently turned you around in his arms so you were facing him. The way he was nervously biting his lips and fidgeting his hands on your waist instantly set off alarm bells in your head. He looked so scared right now and your immediate thought was that he somehow knew what you were planning to tell him tomorrow.

“Jagi, the reason why you aren’t feeling well...is it because...are you…,” he began apprehensively before his voice trailed off.

You waited anxiously for him to finish that sentence and admit he somehow knew you had spent all week having an existential crisis which ultimately resulted in your decision to leave Big Hit. Taking a slow, deep breath, he gave you one last searching look before continuing.

“A-Are you pregnant?” he finally asked in a shaky, breathy voice.

Upon hearing his words, your eyes went wide. That was the absolute last thing you thought he was going to ask you.

“It’s just...I know it can happen even when you use protection and you brought up birth control for the first time on Sunday and now you’re suddenly feeling nauseous and achy and exhausted without any other explanation,” he rushed out.

“I can’t help but wonder if you took a test after we talked and found out you are, but that you’re afraid to tell me because you think I’ll be upset and not want you to keep it,” he then added, the hurt in his voice unmistakable.

“I know it would be really overwhelming and even a little scary if you were, but it hurts me to think that you wouldn’t want to tell me,” he went on, now getting a bit emotional. “That you think I wouldn’t be supportive.”

“Because the truth is, if you told me right now that you were pregnant I would be the happiest man in the world,” he said softly.

“I always saw us starting our family in the next few years before I went into the military so if we unintentionally got a head start that would be perfectly OK,” he then admitted with a hesitant smile.

“I would take care of you, sweetheart,” he added earnestly as he cupped your cheek with his hand. “We would get married and I would take care of you and our baby and I would be so unbelievably happy.”

For a few moments you simply stared back at him in stunned silence. You didn’t know what shocked you more, that your behavior this week had led him to this conclusion or the fact that he wouldn’t be at all upset if you had accidentally gotten pregnant. In all honesty, you always thought it would be many years before he’d want to get married and then many more after that before he’d want to start a family. As much as he loved kids, you assumed he wouldn’t want to start having them at the height of his career with BTS.

His declaration that he wouldn’t just be there for you, but would be genuinely excited, was by far the sweetest, most romantic thing he’d ever said to you. In that moment, you knew with absolute certainty that you and him were going to be OK. The changes that were coming would be difficult, yes, but you would get through them together.

You had half a mind to tell him everything right then and there, but you soon found yourself overcome with emotion. You felt guilty that you’d caused him to worry like this. You felt relieved that you would still be able to tell him of your decision on your own terms tomorrow. But, mostly you just felt grateful. Grateful that he was yours. Grateful to have his love.

“Tae, I’m not pregnant,” was all you managed to get out before you buried your face in his neck and began crying happy tears.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” Tae quickly said as he hugged you tightly to his chest. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“I was just worried,” he then added before placing a tender kiss on your temple. “You’ve never gotten sick like this before and I was worried and then I started thinking about things and Googling your symptoms and that made me more worried but also kind of excited and I just wanted to make sure and-“

You stopped his adorable rambling by gently pressing your lips to his.

“Baby, I’m not upset,” you said softly. “These are good tears.”

“I just love you so much,” you then added as you kissed the tip of his nose.

“I love you too,” he replied, gazing at you with a look of such adoration it made your heart melt.

“When the time comes, I promise you’ll be the first to know,” you then said with a shy smile.

“OK, Jagi,” he said back, giving you a big, boxy smile as he brushed away a stray tear with his thumb.

The two of you then spent the rest of the night holding each other close, sharing tender, lingering kisses, and whispering sweet nothings. This time, as you laid there in his arms, you felt the ache in your heart fade and the flicker of hope grow with each passing second.

You wouldn’t just fix it, you would make it better than ever before.

~~~

The following morning when you woke up, you felt better than you had in a long time. You felt well-rested, having fallen asleep rather quickly and finally gotten a decent night’s sleep. More than that, though, you felt at peace. At peace with your decision and the new direction your life with Tae was going to take. You were certainly still a little anxious about actually having the conversation, but last night gave you all the reassurance you needed to know that he would understand and support you.

After enjoying some lazy morning snuggles with him which Tannie boldly intruded on, the two of you eventually got yourselves out of bed and dressed for work. A short while later you were in the kitchen sipping coffee and reading the news when Tae came in.

“Hey, I just realized that I forgot to tell you I’m going over to Jimin's tonight for dinner,” he said casually as he began making himself some tea. “We realized on Monday that we haven’t really hung out in a while.”

“He says he’s worried you’ve replaced him as my soulmate,” he went on with a laugh. “He’s absolutely right, but I can’t let him know that just yet.”

The laugh you let out in response was hearty and genuine. All week long you had been waiting for this moment, but now that it was here you realized you didn’t want to press him and force him to reveal the truth. You trusted Tae, wholly and unequivocally. Whatever he was doing, whatever project he was working on, you believed with all your heart that he had a perfectly valid reason for not telling you about it yet, that it had absolutely nothing to do with Jisoo, and that it wasn’t anything you needed to worry about. It would probably come up anyway when you talked about everything tonight; there was no need to interrogate him about it right now.

“I suppose I could share you for a little while,” you said back in an exaggeratedly disappointed voice.

“Will you be out late you think?” you then questioned lightly, hoping he wouldn’t because your talk would probably take a fair amount of time.

“No, definitely not,” he assured you with a smile. “Not with the shoot tomorrow.”

“Ok, I’ll wait up for you then,” you replied nonchalantly.

“I’d like that,” he said back shyly, turning to give you a little smile. “I don’t like to go to bed without saying goodnight to you.”

Blushing a bit at his sweet words, you gave him a bashful smile of your own as you felt yourself relax a tiny bit more.

Tonight is going to go just fine

The day went by incredibly quickly. There was so much you and the other stylists needed to do to prepare for the photoshoot that there was hardly time to even think about your impending talk with Tae. You did, however, schedule a meeting with Mrs. Choi for Monday morning. Assuming your talk tonight went well, you would need to let her know about your plans to leave Big Hit. You were thinking it would be best to leave just before the holidays and wanted to give her enough time to find a replacement before then.

You also needed to give yourself time to find another job. Where you wanted to work next was something you hadn’t figured out yet and obviously needed to talk over with Tae. Given your experience, it made sense to go work with another group at one of the other management companies, but part of you wondered if it would be best to leave the music industry altogether. Perhaps you could take Park Seo-joon up on his offer and get a job working on a TV show. It would be different, for sure, but maybe the change would be good and would make you miss Big Hit and Tae a little less.

You only saw him once during the day when he dropped by the studio to pick something up from the storage closet. As he walked by the table where you were ironing his outfit for tomorrow, he shot you a wink which immediately made your heart flutter. Biting back a smile, you quickly looked down and got back to work. You would definitely miss being able to enjoy little moments like this with him, but you knew that having a healthy, solid relationship would be infinitely more rewarding.

As you were packing up at the end of the day, grateful not to be getting out ridiculously late, you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket.

[Taehyung 5:03 PM] I’m heading off to Jimin’s now.

[Taehyung 5:03 PM] I’ll see you later tonight, sweetheart.

[Taehyung 5:04 PM] I love you so much 💜

[5:04 PM] Have fun!

[5:04 PM] I love you too 💜

During the drive home it finally hit you that tonight was the night that would change everything. You had managed to stay calm throughout the day, but you were officially starting to get nervous now. It’s not that you didn’t think your conversation would go well because you absolutely believed that it would. You just knew it was going to be a tough one, filled with many tears on both sides.

Once you got home you changed into pajamas, had some leftovers for dinner, and then sat on the couch with a glass of wine. You put on a show to try and distract yourself, but your mind was most definitely elsewhere. You were trying to decide where and how to start the conversation and whether or not you should have some kind of speech prepared. After an hour of contemplation, the only thing you knew for sure was that the first thing you would say was a simple, ‘I love you.’ From there, you would just speak from the heart and trust that the words would come to you.

As the night wore on, you found yourself growing a bit restless. Although you didn’t specifically ask Tae what time he would be home, when he said not too late you assumed that meant around 8 or 9:00 PM. It was nearly 10:00 PM, now, though, and you hadn’t heard anything from him. Over the next half hour you wrote and erased a dozen messages to him. You were getting slightly worried, but didn’t want to disturb him and come off as too clingy. Thankfully, before you let your mind fill with dark thoughts that involved Tae lying in a ditch somewhere, your phone buzzed on the couch beside you.

[Taehyung 10:34 PM] I’m actually going to be here a while longer.

[Taehyung 10:35 PM] You don’t need to wait up.

Staring down at the words on the screen, your heart sank. You really wanted to talk to him about everything tonight. While you could theoretically still talk in the morning, you knew you wouldn’t have a lot of time. You also knew he was going to be a wreck afterwards and didn’t want him to then have to go straight to the photoshoot. Briefly, you considered just telling him you needed to talk to him and asking if there was any way he could come home sooner, but that felt kind of desperate. You still didn’t know where he was or what he was doing and you felt guilty bothering him. Letting out a long sigh, you finally replied back.

[10:40 PM] OK. Drive safe.

You didn’t then say goodnight because you didn’t actually have any intention of going to bed. The fact of the matter was you needed to talk to him tonight, even if that meant you stayed up until 3 in the morning and then had to hide the little baggies under his eyes in the shoot tomorrow. You had waited long enough as it was and you honestly didn’t think you would be able to sleep if you didn’t get all of this off your chest. Placing your phone back down on the couch beside you, you wrapped a blanket around yourself, snuggled Tanju to your chest, and waited.

It was almost midnight by the time he finally came home. The moment you heard the apartment door open, your stomach filled with butterflies. ‘This is it’, you thought to yourself. After a month of keeping everything inside, you were finally going to let it all out. You were extremely nervous, but also excited. Tonight would mark the start of the next chapter of your life together.

“Hi, Tae,” you said softly as he rounded the corner and entered the living room.

Clearly not expecting you to be there, he literally jumped at the sound of your voice.

“Oh, you’re still up,” was all he said, looking at you with an unreadable expression.

It was just four words, just a simple sentence, but with it he still managed to completely level you. It wasn’t even what he said, but the way he said it. In his voice there wasn’t just surprise, but disappointment. You could see it too in the way his face had fallen the moment he saw you. It was almost as if he was hoping you would be asleep when he got home.

“Yea, I…I said I would wait up,” you replied back hesitantly, trying not to convey the hurt you felt at his reaction.

“Well, you didn’t have to,” he said flatly as he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.

A beat of uncomfortable silence then passed between you two as you tried to think of how to respond. Wherever he had been, whatever he had been doing, clearly something happened to make him upset. Standing up from the couch, you started walking towards him, hoping to comfort him with a hug, but the way he subtly stepped back and retreated from you had you stopping in your tracks.

“You should get to bed,” he said, his tone slightly clipped. “We have a long day tomorrow.”

As you looked him over, noting the way his hands were nervously fidgeting at his sides, the air between you grew heavy.

“Tae, is everything OK?” you asked after another few moments of awkward silence.

Your voice was now laden with concern and your expression one of genuine worry. Something was most definitely wrong right now.

“Everything is fine,” he replied, a hint of defensiveness in his voice.

“I just feel bad that you waited up,” he then added, his tone now suspiciously light and gentle. “I want to make sure you get a good night's sleep before the shoot tomorrow.”

The look he gave you then was much softer, but still reticent and with it you could just tell that he was silently pleading for you to stop asking questions. Whatever was bothering him, he didn’t want to talk about it right now. You didn’t want to press him on it if he wasn’t ready to share, but you did still want to have the conversation you had been preparing for all week long.

“I appreciate that,” you said cautiously.

“But I...I wanted to talk to you about something,” you then added hesitantly, trying to keep your voice even despite the fact that you were very much on edge at that moment.

In response, he let out a long, frustrated sigh.

“Look, I’m not really in the mood to talk right now,” he then replied irritatedly. “I’m tired and I just want to go to sleep.”

At the sound of his words, all of the courage you spent so long building up began draining out of you. Obviously, he didn’t know just how important the something you wanted to talk about was, but the fact that he just shut you down like that really stung. For a moment you thought about trying to explain to him that it really couldn’t wait, but one glance at the annoyed expression on his face immediately squashed that idea.

“OK,” you said quietly as you turned around and started towards the bedroom. “I’ll…I’ll head to bed then.”

Walking into the bedroom, you felt a heavy blanket of unease settle over you. You had never seen Tae act so strangely before, so distant and cagey and snippy. Last night he was so sweet and affectionate and caring, but right now he seemed like an entirely different person. Hoping that he was currently cooling off out in the living room, you slipped into bed and anxiously waited for him.

You waited for a long time, so long that you thought perhaps he fell asleep already out there on the couch, but eventually, sometime near 1:00 AM, he came into the room. From the way he trudged around, sighing deeply, you could tell he was still upset. When he finally climbed into bed, though, and laid down beside you but then didn’t put his arms around you like he usually did, you knew something was truly not OK.

“Tae, what’s wrong?” you whispered as you fought back tears. “Did I…did I do something to make you upset?”

From the way your words startled him, it was obvious he thought you were already asleep. Your heart plummeted in your chest when you realized he must have purposefully waited so long to come to bed in the hopes that you were no longer awake so he could avoid talking to you.

“No, sweetheart, you didn’t,” he quickly assured you as he wound his arms around you and pulled you close.

“I…I got into an argument with Jimin before I left his apartment,” he then said reluctantly. “I'm just upset about that.”

Obviously, you knew that wasn’t the truth, but you didn’t want to let him know you knew that since you hadn’t had a chance to talk to him about everything. Still, you wanted to try and understand what was wrong and why he was acting like this.

“Are you sure that’s it?” you asked in the smallest voice imaginable. “It just…it seemed like you weren’t happy to see me when you got home.”

“Jagi, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way,” he replied, the guilt in his voice evident. “You didn't do anything wrong.”

“I’m just stressed and frustrated with myself and I took it out on you,” he then added sadly. “I’m so sorry for doing that.”

For a few moments, you didn’t respond as you let his words wash over you. He did seem more flustered than angry right now, so perhaps whatever was bothering him truly wasn’t about you. Part of you still wanted to talk, but it was already so late and it just didn’t seem like the right time to get into everything. You were tired now, and still hurt from the way he had treated you, and no longer felt ready to share any of the important things you needed to tell him. With a heavy heart, you accept that it would just have to wait until tomorrow morning.

“It’s OK,” you finally said back.

“I’m sorry again, sweetheart,” he said back, sounding genuinely remorseful.

“It’s OK,” you repeated tiredly. “Let’s just get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, Tae,” you whispered.

“Goodnight, Jagi,” he said back before pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

As you laid there, trying to relax and get comfortable after the unexpectedly stressful events of the evening, you suddenly noticed something. You had been so relieved when Tae finally put his arms around you and snuggled you against his chest that it initially failed to catch your attention. For the first time since you had started dating, for the first time since he stayed with you the night of the Dynamite music video shoot, he was doing something that very well might have been a coincidence, but was extremely peculiar and ever-so-slightly unsettling nonetheless.

He was sleeping with a shirt on.

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan  @jesus-in-the-womb  @infernal-alpaca  @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94  @taeyohonic @afiaaaa19 @nooojaaam @ lucci-girl @2oct

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 48 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 7.0k

warnings: none

A/N: I am so sorry 💔

Chapter 48: Lying To Yourself - Part 3

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

You woke the following morning to an empty bed.

It was unusual for Tae to wake up before you because he was such a late and heavy sleeper and even more unusual for him to then leave the bed entirely. Usually when he woke up first he would gently rouse you with a series of feather-light kisses placed all over your face: your forehead, the tip of your nose, the apple of your cheek, your lips themselves. It was by far the best way to be woken up and oftentimes you would pretend to still be asleep just so he would keep spoiling you with kisses. Eventually, though, you would be unable to contain your smile any longer at which point he’d realize you were awake and say ‘Good morning, beautiful’.

Sadly, this morning you received no such sweet and tender awakening. Instead, you woke to the jarring blast of sound that was your alarm. You honestly couldn’t remember the last time you’d needed your alarm to wake up on time. Given that you were a true morning person, you typically woke up naturally hours before it even went off. Last night you’d gotten to bed rather late, though, and had then struggled to fall asleep. It wasn’t surprising that you slept so long and were still feeling exhausted.

As memories from last night began trickling back in, you felt that heavy blanket of unease once again envelope you. It had been a strange night, one that was perhaps as stressful as you imagined it would be, but for reasons you never would have predicted when you woke up yesterday. Although Tae had apologized for his behavior, and had assured you it had nothing to do with you, the night had still ended on a disquieting note. Him not being here when you woke up had you picking up right where you left off: in a state of confusion and worry.

Trying your best to remain calm, you turned over to grab your phone off the nightstand only to be met with a surprising sight: Tanju, propped up by a small vase filled with purple flowers, accompanied by a folded paper heart laid at his feet. You recognized the beautiful blossoms immediately; they were azaleas, the exact same shade as the ones that grew in the small indoor garden located in the apartment complex’s main lobby. A tiny smile crept onto your face as you picked up the paper heart and unfolded it to reveal a note written in a small, neat, familiar script.

Jagi,

I had to head out early today so I could talk to Jimin before the shoot starts. I wanted to let you sleep a little longer since I kept you up so late last night. You also just looked so pretty and peaceful while sleeping that I couldn’t bring myself to wake you.

I am so sorry for the way I acted when I got home last night. It was wrong of me to take my frustration out on you like that. I am ashamed to have hurt you and made you sad. I’m supposed to keep you safe and happy, but I did the complete opposite.

I promise I will work to become a better man for you, sweetheart. You deserve the world and I want to give it to you. I love you so much.

~ Tae

P.S. Tanju picked these flowers for you because they are beautiful just like you. I told him that the maintenance staff wasn’t going to be too happy with him, but he claims no one saw him do it.

By the time you were done reading, your tiny smile had morphed into a big, dopey grin. Tae must have picked the flowers after taking Tannie out for a walk earlier that morning. You could just picture him furtively glancing around the lobby before reaching into the garden to pluck out a couple and then casually walking away with them hidden under his jacket. It was such a silly, Tae-like thing to do, but it was an incredibly sweet gesture nonetheless.

The fact that he took the time to write out a sincere apology meant a lot to you. As you read through it once more, you felt the residual hurt and anxiety from last night fading away. Couples fight. People get upset and say and do things they don’t mean. It happens. There had certainly been more than a few times over the last two months where you’d snapped at Tae, whether because you were tired or hungry or just randomly in a bad mood.

You realized that the unique circumstances of the evening were making it seem worse than it really was. The truth was you were already on edge when he got home because you were planning to tell him your big news. The fact that he was off working on something that you didn’t fully understand yet also didn’t help. If it had been any other night and he came home in a bit of a surly mood, it wouldn’t have bothered you nearly as much. It was just bad timing.

Your fight aside, there was still the question of why Tae wore a shirt to bed. You had contemplated numerous possible reasons for this before sleep finally took you. They ranged from the completely innocent - he forgot to take it off - to the somewhat outlandish - he got a secret tattoo or piercing - all the way to the highly disconcerting - he was concealing injuries on his body from some kind of accident or physical altercation.

You had fallen asleep before you could settle on which seemed most plausible, but now that you were awake the most likely reason seemed fairly obvious: because it was unusually cold in the apartment at the moment. While you didn’t specifically remember it being cold last night, you didn’t remember it being warm either. You had also been drinking and had spent all night wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. Maybe the apartment was this cold last night and Tae decided to keep his shirt on to stay warm?

Whatever the reason for his unusual choice of sleepwear, you would find out about it when you and him finally talked which, you just realized, wasn’t going to be this morning. In all honesty, even if he was here right now you’re not sure you would even try to have the talk. There was just too much to say, too many bad feelings that needed to be worked through, and not enough time. There’s also no way either of you could have that conversation and then spend all day surrounded by tons of people trying to act totally normal.

It will just have to wait until tonight.

As you got up and began getting ready for the day, you realized that it was probably for the best that Tae was going to talk to Jimin right now. They might not have actually hung out last night, but Jimin did know what Tae was working on and would hopefully be able to help calm him down. You hated seeing him so upset, but until you two talked about everything there unfortunately wasn’t really anything you could do to help.

A half hour and several cups of coffee later, you were in the elevator heading down to the parking garage when you remembered you hadn’t texted Tae yet that morning. Not wanting him to think you missed his gifts or worse, saw them but didn’t care, you quickly pulled out your phone and sent him a message.

[8:34 AM] Thank you for the note and the flowers.

[8:34 AM] They were both beautiful.

[Taehyung 8:35 AM] You are beautiful.

[Taehyung 8:35 AM] And I love you.

[Taehyung 8:35 AM] And I’m sorry again.

[8:36 AM] I love you too.

[8:36 AM] And I forgive you.

[8:37 AM] Were you able to work things out with Jimin?

[Taehyung 8:38 AM] Yea we had a good talk this morning.

[8:38 AM] Good I’m glad 😊

[8:39 AM] But hey I just got into the car.

[Taehyung 8:39 AM] OK I’ll let you go.

[Taehyung 8:39 AM] No texting while driving!

[Taehyung 8:39 AM] And be sure to wear your seatbelt.

[Taehyung 8:40 AM] I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.

[8:40 AM] 💜

Smiling to yourself at his unnecessary, but adorable protectiveness, you put down your phone and put on your seatbelt like you were told and headed off towards Big Hit.

Twenty minutes later you were walking into the studio, feeling infinitely better than you had when you first woke up. You had spent the drive listening to a playlist Tae made for you which mostly consisted of sappy love songs. Several of them were ones he actually shared with ARMY during his TaeTae FM Vlives earlier in the year. At the time it broke your heart to hear him play those songs and realize he was obviously in love with someone, but little did you know that someone was you.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Mrs. Choi said with a warm smile as you set your bag down.

“Hi, Mrs. Choi,” you replied, returning the gesture. “How are you today?”

“Stressed,” she said with a laugh. “There’s just so many moving pieces when we do this shoot.”

“Yea, coordinating all the different groups and individuals is no small feat,” you agreed as you looked around the busy room.

“Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help,” you then added.

“There actually is something I wanted to ask you about,” she quickly replied.

You looked over at her with a curious expression as you waited for her to continue.

“One of the TXT stylists unfortunately isn't going to be able to make it here today,” she revealed. “They’ve suddenly fallen quite ill.”

“Another one of their stylists is also currently out on maternity leave,” she continued. “Their manager has been filling in for the last few weeks, but with a second stylist now out they are in a bit of a bind.”

“Would you be willing to transfer over there for today to help them out?” she asked tentatively.

“I would fill in for you here and work with Taehyung,” she then added.

If Mrs. Choi had asked you this a few months ago, you would have been absolutely convinced she was simply trying to get you out of her studio and out of her hair. However, as she stood there before you sporting a hesitant smile, you were certain that was not at all the case. Her asking you to join their team for the day was actually sort of flattering. It meant she was confident in your abilities and trusted you to represent the BTS team well. As much as you wanted to spend the day with Tae, you wanted to prove to her that you were worthy of her trust and confidence.

“I would be happy to help them out,” you replied honestly. “I’ll pack up my things now and head over there in a few minutes.”

“Thank you so much, Y/N,” she said brightly. “I know you will make me proud.”

The strange truth was that over the past month you and Mrs. Choi had grown significantly closer. Since that Friday when you almost had a panic attack during your conversation with Eunji and Donghae, she had been going out of her way to talk to you and check in with you to make sure you were doing alright. Her kindness and support had actually come to mean a great deal to you given how lonely and anxious you often felt at work these days.

She hadn’t specifically said anything, but you knew that she noticed the shift in your relationship with Tae. After years of scolding the two of you for being too loud and rowdy, the fact that you no longer talked much or joked around was surely obvious to her. You were also pretty sure she had correctly surmised that this was because Tae and Jisoo were now ‘together’.

She clearly did not like Jisoo; her vitriol for the young woman was stronger than it had been for you even at the worst of times. On more than one occasion she had come over and told Jisoo to stop disrupting everyone in her studio. One time she even straight up asked Jisoo to leave. Tae had also evidently fallen out of her good graces, no doubt because of who he now associated himself with. You felt guilty knowing her disappointment in Tae was misplaced, but you hoped she would come around once he ended his ‘relationship’ with Jisoo.

While you were loading up your carrying case with brushes and makeup pallets and anything else you thought you might need for the day, Tae suddenly walked into the room. For half a second he looked a little surprised to see you, but then his face broke out into a big, boxy smile. It instantly faltered, though, once he saw what you were doing.

“Why are you packing up?” he asked, giving you a curious and slightly concerned look.

“TXT is a little short-staffed today so I’m actually going to be working on their team for the shoot,” you said apologetically, hating the way his face fell as you spoke.

“You’re leaving me?” he said, giving you the most adorable pout you’d ever seen.

“Just for today,” you assured him. “I’ll be back on Monday.”

“But, why do you have to go?” he whined as he continued jutting out his lower lip. “Why can’t someone else go?”

“Because Mrs. Choi asked nicely and I wanted to help,” you replied in a hushed tone. “She likes me now, you know, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“So enough with the pouting,” you then scolded gently. “It’s just one photoshoot.”

“Still, I don’t like it,” he huffed out under his breath.

“They’re going to think you’re cute and fun and fall in love with you instantly and want to keep you,” he then said worriedly, keeping his voice down so no one else could hear.

“You make me sound like a lost puppy that was found on the street,” you said with a laugh.

Realizing that was exactly how he just described the situation, a silly grin replaced his pout and he started to laugh too.

“Ok, fine. You can abandon me for the day,” he then said with an exaggerated sigh. “I swear I won’t hold it against you for the rest of your life.”

“Just promise me you’ll come back, Jagi,” he then said softly, ironically giving you his puppy dog eyes.

“I promise,” you said back with a shy smile.

~~~

The TXT studio was on the same floor, but at the opposite end of the hallway. It was a little smaller than BTS’s, which made sense given that their group was smaller, but otherwise looked remarkably similar. You had been there a handful of times over the years, mostly to drop off something Mrs. Choi asked you to bring to their stylist’s manager, Baekhyun. Having mingled at enough company-wide functions, you were fairly well acquainted with him and the group’s stylists. They were all very friendly, but you were still a tad nervous to be joining their team on such short notice and for an event as big as this.

However, as soon as you stepped foot in the room your worries melted away. You were met with an incredibly warm welcome from both the staff as well as the members who all thanked you for coming to help out. After briefly meeting with Baekhyun, he brought you over to Beomgyu, the member who you would be working with for the day. You had met the young man on numerous occasions, but he was still adorably shy when you said hello. Tae was Beomgyu’s BTS bias, and the idol he looked up to most, so you wondered if that had anything to do with his nervousness around you.

Once you started getting him ready and he began to open up, you soon found that he actually reminded you a lot of Tae. He was extremely talkative and energetic, but also incredibly sweet. He had a very bright personality and seemed to simply radiate positive energy. He also just so happened to have an incredibly deep voice and be from Daegu. You had heard people make comparisons between him and Tae before and now that you were actually talking with him at length you understood why. Obviously, no one would ever replace Tae, but it was kind of nice to be spending the day with someone whose personality you knew yours meshed well with.

In all honesty, though, it would be hard not to get along with any of the guys. They were all so great, so kind and funny and outgoing. They were also all so young, most of them not even 20 and technically still teenagers, that at 26 you felt positively ancient. Their youthfulness made the environment in the room much more relaxed and playful than it was in your own studio which you loved. Given that you were used to being rowdy and silly with Tae, you felt like you fit right in.

Despite the fact that you were genuinely enjoying yourself, you did still miss him which is why you started smiling down at your phone like an idiot when he texted you.

[Taehyung 11:01 AM] How is my puppy doing?

[Taehyung 11:02 AM] Are you having fun in your new home?

[11:03 AM] They are such adorable little babies.

[11:03 AM] I am literally so soft right now 🥺

[Taehyung 11:04 AM] Haha I’m glad it’s going well.

[Taehyung 11:04 AM] Don’t get too comfortable, though.

[Taehyung 11:05 AM] I miss you and I want you back here with me.

[11:05 AM] You miss me, huh?

[Taehyung 11:05 AM] I do.

[Taehyung 11:06 AM] I miss the way you run your hands through my hair when you’re using the flat iron.

[Taehyung 11:06 AM] And the way you part your lips just a little bit when you’re putting on my makeup.

[Taehyung 11:07 AM] And the way you tilt your head to the side ever-so-slightly when you’re shamelessly checking me out 😉

[11:07 AM] You’re a little too cocky for your own good, you know that?

[11:08 AM] I think I’m going to ditch you and start secretly dating Beomgyu just to spite you.

[Taehyung 11:08 AM] Noooo don’t leave me, sweetheart.

[Taehyung 11:08 AM] 😭😭😭

[Taehyung 11:08 AM] I’ll be a good boy.

[11:09 AM] You promise?

[Taehyung 11:09 AM] I promise.

[Taehyung 11:09 AM] I won’t make any more jokes about how thirsty you are.

[11:10 AM] 😑

[11:10 AM] You’re dead to me, Kim Taehyung.

[Taehyung 11:10 AM] I’M SORRY.

[Taehyung 11:11 AM] I’m serious now. No more jokes.

[Taehyung 11:11 AM] How about I tell you how thirsty I am to make it up to you?

[Taehyung 11:11 AM] I’ll tell you all the filthy, unprofessional thoughts I had about you in the shower this morning...

[11:12 AM] …

[11:12 AM] You may proceed.

After Tae divulged his naughty shower fantasy in deliciously explicit detail, the two of you spent the rest of the day sending scandalous messages back and forth. It wasn’t full-on sexting, but it was still pretty risqué, especially considering you were not just working, but in the Big Hit building itself. The fact that you hadn’t been together in almost a week made it all the more exciting and had you absolutely itching to finally get your hands on him later that night.

You did feel slightly guilty reading and writing such filthy things while in the presence of your precious TXT babies, but you loved the idea of Tae doing so while he was with Jisoo. As you had predicted, she was all over him while everyone was together in the big room where the photos were being taken. After watching him basically ignore her all week, it was a little hard to watch him slip back into the role of her doting boyfriend while they were talking to Bang PD, but you knew he was just trying to put on a show and make it look convincing. Of course, it was actually no longer necessary for him to do that given that they would be ending their ‘relationship’ shortly and you would be leaving Big Hit not long after, but he unfortunately didn’t know that yet so you had no right to be frustrated.

Things were pretty hectic while the photos were being taken so you unfortunately didn’t get a chance to sneak back over to the BTS team and talk to Tae. However, you did shamelessly check him out from afar and decided, in your completely unbiased opinion, that he was hands down the most attractive Big Hit idol. He looked fantastic in the outfit you had picked out for him, but you chuckled to yourself when you saw that Mrs. Choi, who was quite conservative when it came to showing skin, had made him button his shirt up all the way. Usually you left at least one or two buttons undone, although lately he had been sneakily undoing a couple more. He claimed it was because he thought ARMY would like it, but you knew he just wanted to tease you with a full view of his chest when you leaned in to do his makeup.

By the end of the day you found yourself feeling quite exhausted, but overall really happy with how everything had gone. Spending the day with TXT had been a really great experience for you, both professionally and personally. As much as you hated not being with Tae, you realized partway through the day that it was probably a good thing that you had both gotten a taste of what it was going to be like once you left Big Hit in a little over a month.

In some ways, you felt like today’s change of plans was going to make this evening’s conversation go more smoothly. You had proven that you could both function totally fine at work without the one another and that you could successfully stay connected throughout the day. You hoped that this would be of reassurance to Tae when he undoubtedly got upset about the fact that you wouldn’t be together all the time anymore and started worrying that you wouldn’t be as close.

You were definitely still a little nervous about tonight, but that was to be expected before having an incredibly emotional, life-changing conversation. After what had happened last night, though, you were actually feeling more sure than ever that it was going to go well. Although unpleasant at the time, what the two of you went through had ended up giving you a great deal of confidence in your ability to tackle the upcoming challenges together. It showed you that as long as there was communication, honesty, and accountability in your relationship, everything would be OK.

~~~

Once the shoot was officially over, you found yourself back in the TXT studio helping to clean up and put away the guys’ outfits. You were hanging Beomgyu’s clothes on the rack in the corner when Baekhyun approached you.

“Thank you again for helping us out today,” he said sincerely. “We couldn’t have done it without you.”

“It was my pleasure,” you replied back happily. “I really enjoyed working with Beomgyu.”

“The feeling is mutual,” he said back smoothly, laughing a bit before he spoke again. “He was quite taken with you. I overheard him telling Soobin that he wished you could stay.”

You let out a little laugh in return, blushing slightly as you then diverted your attention back to the clothes in front of you. You were definitely going to enjoy telling Tae that little bit of information.

“I’m really glad Taehyung was able to help set this up,” Baekhyun then added.

You were smiling to yourself as he said that, imagining Tae getting all riled up and jealous at the thought of Beomgyu wanting to have you as his stylist, but his comment caught your attention and pulled you from your thoughts.

“What do you mean ‘help set this up’?” you asked curiously as you began buttoning up the shirt in your hands.

“Oh, I assumed he told you. I ran into him in the café this morning and we got talking about our situation,” Baekhyun said casually. “He’s the one who came up with the idea of you transferring over to help us out.”

Upon hearing his words, your hands immediately ceased their work, your fingers tightening around the topmost button like a vice.

It was Tae’s idea for you to transfer?

“He thought it would be fun for you to shake things up and spend a day with our boys,” he went on, blissfully unaware of the true impact of what he was saying.

“After he and I talked I reached out to Mrs. Choi and we made it happen,” he then continued as he made room on the rack and hung up Soobin’s outfit.

Momentarily stunned by this revelation, it took a few moments for you to remember that you needed to respond back to Baekhyun.

“Oh, right. Tae did mention that before I left this morning,” you lied, giving him a smile you hoped he couldn’t tell was completely fake.

“I must admit, I’m a little surprised he let you slip away,” he said with a chuckle before adding more seriously. “But, selfishly I’m glad he did because we truly needed the help.”

It looked like he was about to say something else, but just as he opened his mouth one of the other stylists suddenly called out to him from the other side of the room. He thanked you again for your help, shot you another smile, and then excused himself, leaving you alone with your now very tumultuous thoughts.

Staring down at the floor dejectedly, you felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you as you thought about everything Tae had said and done today. How surprised he seemed when you told him you’d be working with TXT for the day. How he said he wished you didn’t have to be the one to go. How he was worried about them liking you and wanting to keep you. How he spent all day saying that he missed you and couldn’t wait for you to come back. He did and said all of those things when all along he was the reason you were sent away in the first place.

You were hurt that he did that and didn’t tell you and even more hurt that he then put on that big performance when you left. At the time, him pouting and worrying about you leaving him even for a day made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but now it just made you feel humiliated. If he was the one to suggest that you be transferred, he obviously had no problem with you being away from him.

The fact that he then spent the rest of the day sending you flirty and suggestive text messages only made you feel worse. Just like last week when you realized he lied about where he was and then came home and slept with you, you felt betrayed and also used. Even if you hadn’t done anything physical today, you had still engaged in a form of intimacy. Knowing that you had said all those things to each other while he was being dishonest with you made you feel dirty and not in a good way.

What hurt the most, though, was the fact that he did all this after everything that happened last night. Just this morning he had written you what you thought was a sincere note apologizing for hurting you and promising to try and be a better man for you. For him to then turn around just a few hours later and lie to your face made all the beautiful words in that note seem hollow.

You just didn’t understand why he kept this from you or why he even did it in the first place. Your initial worry was that he was upset with you about something and wanted space, but that didn’t really make sense given he spent all day talking to you. With that in mind, you tried to think of some other reasons for why he might have acted this way. Maybe he threw out the suggestion not thinking they would actually follow through with it and then felt guilty once he realized they did and decided not to say anything? Maybe he was worried you were still secretly upset about last night and thought it would be best if you two didn’t work together today so things wouldn’t be awkward?

Whatever the reason, it was wrong for him to have lied, especially about something that involved your job. The two of you had always been careful not to let your relationship interfere with work, but today he had definitely crossed the line and that was not OK. With a heavy heart, you added this to the ever growing list of things you and him needed to talk about tonight. Less than an hour ago you were feeling more confident than ever that your relationship was solid and everything was going to be alright, but you couldn’t deny that this most recent discovery had shaken you. It just wasn’t like Tae to keep secrets from you.

At least, not until recently

As you collected your things, said goodbye to the remaining members of the TXT team, and started wandering down the hall towards the elevator, you texted Tae and tried to push that unnerving thought from your mind.

[4:55 PM] Are you heading home soon?

You hoped he was. Your anxiety regarding tonight’s conversation had skyrocketed during the last 10 minutes and you now felt an overwhelming urge to finally get everything out in the open. You had spent all week calming yourself down and trying to think rationally, and had even handled last night’s fight with a surprising amount of poise, but right now you felt yourself slowly slipping back into a state of panic. Something about the whole TXT transfer situation just felt so off.

As you stood there leaning against the wall by the elevator waiting for him to respond, you felt that now all-too familiar sense of unease creeping back in. You could see that he had read your message and the longer it took for those three dots to appear the worse you started to feel. It was a relatively simple question, one that shouldn’t take this long to answer. After waiting and waiting and waiting, you were just about to write something else when he finally responded.

[Taehyung 5:01 PM] Sweetheart, I’m so sorry but I just found out that me and the guys have to stay at the dorms for the rest of the weekend.

[Taehyung 5:02 PM] Things have been kind of tense between everyone lately and Jimin and I fighting last night sent Joon-hyung into a tailspin.

[Taehyung 5:02 PM] He wants us all to spend some time together so we can work things out before award show season starts.

[Taehyung 5:03 PM] I’ve got plenty of clothes and stuff there so I’m going to head straight there.

[Taehyung 5:03 PM] I’m sorry I won’t be there to snuggle with you tonight ☹️

[Taehyung 5:04 PM] Call me when you get home, OK? I miss you and I want to hear your voice.

An overwhelming and unbearable sadness came over you as you read and reread his messages. Thirty minutes ago you overheard Jin talking on the phone with who you could only assume was his fiancé. ‘That sounds great, darling. I’ll be home in an hour or so.’, you heard him say happily into the receiver. Namjoon had clearly not requested that everyone in the group stay at the dorms tonight.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you came to the heartbreaking realization that every single word Tae just wrote to you was a lie. He wasn’t going to the dorms because he had to, but because he wanted to, that is, if he was even going to the dorms at all. He wasn’t actually sorry that he wasn’t going to be able to snuggle with you tonight nor did he miss you or want to hear your voice. He just wanted you to think all of those things were true.

He was avoiding you, plain and simple. He didn’t want to see you last night. He didn’t want to see you this morning. He didn’t want to see you during the shoot. He didn’t want to see you now. He didn’t want to see you tomorrow. He just didn’t want to see you, period. This fear had crossed your mind the moment Baekhyun told you what Tae had done, but at the time you didn’t want to believe it. Now, though, this fact was just too glaringly and painfully obvious to ignore.

Your head was spinning as you stepped into the empty elevator. Slumping against the far wall, you felt truly overwhelmed by how rapidly everything was falling apart. From the very beginning this fake dating nightmare, and your relationship itself, you now realized, had been a house of cards waiting to collapse. One after another after another, the secrets had piled up on top of it and their staggering weight had finally become too much to bear.

Sadly, there was not a doubt in your mind which secret had been the breaking point.

Just yesterday afternoon you had believed with all your heart that whatever Tae was secretly doing, it wasn’t something that you had to worry about. You trusted that he had a totally valid reason for why he hadn’t told you about it and were convinced that he would explain everything when the time was right. But right now, after realizing he had spent all day telling you lies and pushing you away, the truth could no longer be ignored.

Whatever happened last night, Tae felt guilty about it. He felt guilty and was hiding from you because of it, physically hiding from you. The best case scenario was that he was only doing that because he didn’t think he could keep up the façade if he was with you in person, but the terrible, sinking feeling in your stomach told you that wasn’t true.

Just as the elevator doors closed, the first few tears started rolling down your cheeks as you recalled the way he had recoiled from you last night when you went to hug him and how he had been reticent to cuddle you and the fact that he wore a shirt to bed.

He didn’t want you near him.

He didn’t want you to touch him.

He didn’t want you to see him.

You knew at that moment that he wasn’t just hiding from you, but hiding something from you, something tangible and visible, something that would tell you exactly what he had been doing last night.

“It can't be...he wouldn't...,” you whispered to yourself as your head fell into your hands and you finally allowed your mind to wander to the darkest of places in search of an explanation.

A second later, the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Slowly raising your head, you looked up and saw none other than Jisoo standing before you. She was still in her photoshoot outfit which was a beautiful floor length halter dress in a deep shade of red. It was probably the most conservative dress you’d ever seen her wear, but she looked stunning nonetheless, elegant even.

After eyeing you up and down disdainfully, and obviously noticing your tear-stained cheeks, she stepped in beside you. The moment the doors closed and you were alone, she caught your gaze in the mirrored doors in front of you.

“You know, I was supposed to wear something else today, but I accidentally had a little too much fun last night,” she said smugly as she tugged the neckline of her dress to the side.

There, all over her chest, trailing from her collarbone down to the swell of her breasts and no doubt beyond, were a plethora of hickeys. The sight made your already queasy stomach churn, but it was her next words that truly sickened you.

“If you think these are bad, you should see the ones I left on him,” she cooed, feigning remorse as she threw the words you had spoken to her on Monday back in your face.

For a few heart stopping moments, your mind went completely blank as you struggled to comprehend what you were seeing and hearing, but as you gazed in horror at those red and purple bruises, the last piece of puzzle, the one that explained Tae’s evasive, mysterious behavior, finally fell into place.

Why he was upset that you were still awake last night.

Why he was so distant and cagey.

Why he wore a shirt to bed.

Why he left this morning before you could see him.

Why he didn’t want you to be his stylist today.

Why his shirt was buttoned all the way up during the shoot.

Why he said he needed to stay at the dorms.

Why he literally did everything and anything within his power today to make sure you did not see him.

It was all so heartbreakingly clear now: his chest was covered with hickeys.

He cheated on you last night with Jisoo, accidentally let her leave marks, and was now hiding from you until they went away. From the moment you realized Tae was wearing a shirt to bed last night, this terrifying explanation had begun lurking in the shadows of your mind, but you had simply refused to acknowledge it. When you woke up this morning and found his heartfelt apology, you accepted it without question because you were too scared to face the truth.

“I tried to tell you, but you didn’t listen,” she sneered, letting go of her dress and allowing it to conceal the evidence once more.

Every single word that left her lips was a dagger in your heart and the pain became all the more excruciating when you realized every single one was true. She did try to tell you, multiple times, and you didn’t listen. Instead, you kept blindly believing the man that you knew for a fact was lying to you.

“Do yourself a favor and take that last shred of dignity you have left and leave him,” she then added, now sounding deadly serious. “Leave him before you can embarrass yourself any further by continuing to desperately cling to someone who does. not. love. you. ”

With every terrible word she emphasized, your heart sank lower and lower until it was lying in a heap on the cold, lonely floor. You tried to think of something, anything to say in reply, but your mind was a dark, empty void. On Monday she had claimed he didn’t want you, but you proved her wrong by getting him to sleep with you. There was a world of difference, though, between wanting someone and truly loving them. What did you have to prove this new, far more devastating claim wrong?

His empty promises? His manipulative behavior? His blatant lies?

Nothing. You had nothing.

Because the way Tae treated you today is not the way you treat someone you love.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get home,” she said casually once the elevator stopped and the doors opened. “I’m expecting company this evening.”

And with that, she strolled out into the parking garage.

It was her final insinuation, that the place where he was going to hide the marks from you was the very place where he had received them, that caused the dam inside you to finally break. All at once great, heaving sobs began tearing through your chest, shattering your heart and grinding the broken shards into nothing but dust.

People talked all the time about the ‘Duality of Kim Taehyung’. They marveled at how quickly and easily he can go from being playful to serious, shy to outgoing, cute to sexy. What no one ever talked about, though, is how he can use this remarkable talent of his to manipulate those around him. One second he’s showering you with love and attention, making you swoon with his sweet words and affectionate gestures, but a second later he’s exploiting the trust you’ve given him so you’ll let your guard down long enough for him to use you and take from you until there is nothing left.

All day long he had manipulated you. He used flattery and gifts and grand declarations of love to distract you from his hurtful and suspicious behavior. He made you feel wanted and needed and desired so you wouldn’t realize he was secretly avoiding you and pushing you away. He was so affectionate and protective that you believed your safety and happiness were his priority when in reality he had a hidden, selfish agenda. He told you exactly what you wanted to hear to distract you from the awful, gut-wrenching truth.

That all that time you spent convincing yourself that he loved you and respected you and would never hurt you, you were only lying to yourself.

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan  @jesus-in-the-womb  @infernal-alpaca  @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94  @taeyohonic @afiaaaa19 @nooojaaam @ lucci-girl @2oct @foodwaterbangtansonyeondan  @vantedmp

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 49 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 6.3k

warnings: cursing

A/N: At last, the secret is revealed...!

Chapter 49: The Truth Untold

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Your first instinct was to do exactly what she’d suggested: leave.

Leave the city. Leave Bit Hit. Leave him.

Leave in the dead of night without saying a word.

You could go back to his apartment right now while he was with her, pack up all of your belongings, and leave nothing but your couple’s ring on the kitchen counter. Maybe you’d leave a note too, ‘Hope she was worth it.’, or something equally as cryptic and passive aggressive. You could even write it on the note he left you that morning just below his beautifully worded lies, anything to make it hurt that much more when he finally came home to an empty apartment.

You could stay at your apartment tonight and then drive home to Busan tomorrow. You could get a new phone number and block him on all other platforms. Monday morning you could call Mrs. Choi and resign, effective immediately. You could tell her a version of the truth, that you just couldn’t do it anymore, that the job had ended up taking more from you than you could bear to give. She could then be the one to break the news to Tae, inform him that you were gone and you weren’t coming back.

You could erase Kim Taehyung from your life entirely and pretend that the last three years, specifically the last three months, never even happened.

And yet, as much as you wanted to crush him, make him feel as abandoned and embarrassed and broken as he made you feel, you found yourself incapable of even taking the first step and leaving the elevator. It was holding you back, that invisible tether, the one which had bound you to him for years, stopping you time and again from moving on and carving out a life for yourself that didn’t revolve around him. Every time you tried to move, it tugged on your heart, reminding you that even now, in the wake of his devastation, the traitorous organ still belonged to him.

You stood there fighting against your heart’s restraint for so long that the doors eventually closed. Just like that, you were trapped. You obviously couldn’t go backwards and change the past, but you were somehow even less capable of moving forward and building a new future. He was such an integral part of your life, the foundation on which nearly everything was built, that the mere thought of extracting yourself from him was both exhausting and terrifying. What would even be left of you at the end of that excruciatingly painful process?

You didn’t want to know.

You weren’t ready to know.

All at once, the elevator felt unbearably small and hot and suffocating. It was like a cage, one in which, no matter where you looked, you were met with the same pitiful, heart-wrenching sight of your own reflection. In a desperate attempt to escape, you pressed the button for the top floor of the building. The ascent seemed to take forever, and the whole time it felt like the walls were closing in around you, but eventually the elevator stopped. The moment the doors opened you were hit with a blast of cold, refreshing November air.

At last you could breathe.

As you slowly made your way to the table on the far side of the rooftop deck, a strange sense of calm settled over you. It was like you had entered a state of suspended animation, one where time stopped and no one and nothing else existed. Up there, with nothing but the faint sound of the howling wind in the background, it was just you and your thoughts. After turning off your phone, you sat down on top of the table, hugged your knees up to your chest, and looked out over the Han River. As you took in the beautiful sight before you, you let your mind wander, trying to understand what led you to this fateful moment. Back through time you went, sifting through every memory you’d shared with Tae over the course of the last three years, until eventually you settled on the one that changed everything...

***

You were in the studio one Friday afternoon and were about to head home for the weekend when you heard your phone buzz on the counter in front of you. Glancing down at it, your heart started beating erratically in your chest when you saw that the message was from Tae.

[Taehyung 4:35 PM] Noona!

[Taehyung 4:35 PM] Meet me on the roof.

When you and him exchanged numbers back on your first day at Big Hit, you had put him into your phone as ‘Taehyung’. Over the next few days he asked you over and over again to please call him ‘Tae’. Eventually, you obliged, but you never got around to changing his contact name in your phone and ultimately decided to just leave it the way it was. ‘Taehyung’ was such a beautiful name and you honestly just loved the way it looked popping up on your screen.

In the month since you started at Big Hit, you had learned that Tae had a penchant for sending cryptic messages such as these. The majority of your text correspondence was work related - you reminding him to come back soon for hair and makeup when he wandered off on set, him sending you a photo of something from the Gucci website that he wanted to wear in an upcoming shoot - but every once in a while he would send texts like these. They made you embarrassingly giddy, but they also made you a little nervous; you just never knew what to expect when it came to Kim Taehyung.

[4:36 PM] OK!

Five minutes later the elevator doors were opening up to reveal the rooftop deck atop the Big Hit building. After tentatively stepping out, you glanced around and quickly found Tae sitting at the picnic table in the corner. You took a deep, steadying breath to try and calm your racing heart and then started making your way over to him. As soon as he heard you walk up behind him, he turned around and gave you the biggest, boxiest smile.

“Noona!” he said excitedly. “You’re here!”

“I am,” you said shyly, giving him a small smile.

“But, umm...what exactly are we doing up here?” you then asked, noting for the first time the Tupperware, paper plates, and forks on the table beside him.

“I want to celebrate,” he said happily.

“Celebrate what?” you asked back.

“Your Big Hit one month anniversary,” he replied simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh wow. That’s so nice of you” you said after a moment, feeling your cheeks heat up. “You really didn’t have to, though. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It is to me,” he said earnestly, giving you another bright smile.

“My last stylist noona only lasted three weeks,” he then admitted, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke.

“She put me in an outfit that ARMY hated for one of our shows and then ‘Cancel TaeTae’s Stylist Noona’ trended on Twitter,” he went on sheepishly. “She quit the next day.”

“Oh my god,” you said with a laugh. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“I didn’t want to scare you away!” he replied seriously before breaking out into a fit of giggles.

“But, you have nothing to worry about,” he soon assured you. “You’re doing an amazing job.”

“In fact, ARMY has been saying I look more handsome than ever since you started,” he then added cheekily, wiggling his eyebrows at you in that ridiculous way only he could pull off.

After rolling your eyes at him, you then quickly looked away so he wouldn’t see that you were blushing. He was always subtly teasing you like this. It had taken you by surprise the first couple times he did so, and foolishly made you feel a little special, but you soon realized that was just the way Tae was. He was a natural flirt, effortlessly captivating people with his dazzling good looks and boyish charm. Everyone he met was instantly taken with him, from fans to interviewers to other idols, and you had been no exception.  

From your very first day when he had personally given you a tour of Big Hit, you had been smitten with him. You hoped that your little crush was nothing more than a fleeting physical attraction, one that would fade away over time, but unfortunately it was not. The more time you spent getting to know him, the more you realized that, as stunningly beautiful as he was on the outside, he was even more breathtaking on the inside.

Kim Taehyung was like the sun. He radiated energy and warmth and simply being in his presence made you feel brighter and more alive. His smile was infectious, as was his laugh, and he offered both of them freely to anyone and everyone he met. He felt deeply and wore his heart on his sleeve; he was unashamedly honest and unapologetically himself. He was kind and thoughtful and loyal, creative and hardworking and passionate. He was, quite frankly, the most wonderful human being you’d ever met.

No matter how hard you tried to fight it, no matter how many times you reminded yourself of the crystal clear rules of your contract, your feelings for him only deepened. Every time he smiled at you or said something sweet, you felt yourself inching closer to the line you swore you would never cross. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month and now here you were, teetering on the edge of something you were all but certain you could never come back from.

“Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I’m really glad you’re still here,” he then said quietly, getting a little shy himself.

“I have so much fun working with you and I hope you know that I don’t just see you as my stylist, but also as my friend,” he then continued as he turned back towards you with a little smile.

“Thanks, Tae. It means so much to hear you say that,” you replied back, genuinely touched by his words.

”I definitely consider you a friend, too,” you then added before giving him a bashful smile in return.

For a few seconds, the two of you sat there in comfortable silence soaking in the sweet moment until eventually he reached for the Tupperware on the table.

“I just visited home this past weekend and my Mom made my favorite strawberry cake,” he explained as he opened the container to reveal the delicious treat. “I remember you said you loved strawberries so I brought you some.”

“I...I do love them,” you said softly, growing shy again upon realizing he had remembered you said that once.

“But, I feel bad having it if she made it especially for you,” you then added, giving him a little pout.

“Don’t feel bad. I’ve already eaten entirely too much of it,” he admitted as he started cutting two pieces and putting them on paper plates.

“Seriously, you’re going to have to let out all of my clothes,” he joked lightheartedly.

At that you couldn’t help but let out a loud, genuine laugh.

“Besides, she made extra just so I could bring you some,” he went on as he handed you a plate.

“Well, thank you,” you said, your heart fluttering wildly knowing he’d thought of you while he was away. “And, please tell your Mom I said thank you, too.”

Not wanting him to see the suspiciously strawberry-like hue that once again adorned your cheeks, you quickly turned your attention to your cake. You were just about to take your first bite when a strong gust of wind blew across the roof and caught the paper plate like a parachute. In slow motion, you watched as the plate and the cake flew backwards directly into your chest. For several moments, you sat there frozen, your eyes wide and your mouth agape. Eventually, you slowly looked down and pulled the plate away only to discover that most of the cake remained stuck to your shirt in a giant lump.

You were mortified. Truly the most embarrassed you had ever been in your entire life. You wished another huge gust of wind would blow you off the roof or that aliens would come and abduct you or that a portal to another world would open up beneath you and swallow you whole. Anything to save you from the sheer torture of sitting next to the man you were head over heels for while covered in cake, looking like the world’s biggest idiot.

You were legitimately on the verge of tears when suddenly Tae did the absolute last thing you could have imagined him doing at that moment: he smushed his cake against his own chest. Whipping your head around to look at him, you found him looking totally nonchalant as he dipped a finger into the sugary mess and then popped it into his mouth.

“Cake shirt,” he said casually. “The latest, greatest, and tastiest fashion trend.”

Two seconds later the two of you began laughing so loudly that you were positive all of Seoul heard you. You laughed so hard you cried and at some point tears of gratitude mixed in with the tears of laughter. What he had done was truly ridiculous, but also just so unbelievably selfless. He took what was a terribly embarrassing incident for you and turned it into a silly, wonderful moment for you both. It was honestly one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for you.

And just like that, you had fallen.

When you got home that night, though, and the weight of it all finally sank in, you laid on your bed and cried an ocean of tears for you knew without question that your love for Kim Taehyung would only ever lead to one thing: heartbreak...

***

You didn’t know how long you had been up there. All you knew was that the sunset had come and gone and the pale light of the moon was now reflected in the dark water below. Your back was stiff from sitting for so long, your stomach was growling because you hadn’t eaten dinner, and you were cold, so very cold.

At some point you had pulled your Clair de Lune music box from the hidden pocket of your bag. Over and over and over again you wound it up and let it go, letting the sad, but beautiful melody wash over you. The sound that flowed from the small, jeweled box both soothed and tormented you. This seemed only fitting given that the person who gave it to you was the very man you both loved and hated with every single piece of your shattered heart.

As the final notes of the little tune drifted off into the night, you were about to wind the crank for the umpteenth time when suddenly the rooftop door slammed open. You flinched at the loud, intrusive sound, and frowned momentarily at how it disturbed your melancholic peace, but quickly reverted back to your catatonic state.

“Jagi?” you heard Tae shouting from across the roof, the panic in his voice evident. “Sweetheart, are you out here?”

Of course he had found you.

You didn’t answer him, but it didn’t matter because a few seconds later he rushed over to the table where you were sitting.

“Thank god you’re alright,” he said breathlessly as he threw his arms around you.

Whether from numbness due to the cold or the fact that you had long ago resigned yourself to simply stop feeling anything at all, you didn’t know, but at his touch you didn’t even shudder. You just sat there motionless and stoic.

“Sweetheart, you’re freezing,” he added a second later, clearly alarmed as he immediately stripped off his jacket and draped it over your shoulders. “How long have you been out here?”

“Jagi, I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he went on when you didn’t respond. “I waited and waited for you to call or text when you got home, but you never did. When I called your phone it went straight to voicemail and that never happens. Eventually, I went home to make sure you were OK, but you weren’t there. I went to your old apartment and you weren’t there either. I called Jia, but she hadn't heard from you. I had Jimin text Eunji to see if the stylists went out for drinks or something, but that wasn’t it either. I finally just came back here hoping to get some idea as to where you went and then I saw your car was still here. I searched the whole building twice before I thought to come up here.”

“I was so worried,” he then said, his voice shaky and hoarse. “I was afraid something terrible happened to you, that you got into a car accident or some crazy sasaeng fan kidnapped you or worse.”

His words were sweet and laden with concern, the exact kind one would expect from a loving partner, but they had no effect on you whatsoever. For all you knew, absolutely none of them were true. Upon hearing them, you didn’t look up at him or even acknowledge that he was there.

“Jagi, what’s wrong? Why are you up here all alone in the cold?” he then questioned, now sounding incredibly nervous.

Again, you didn’t respond. You just kept staring blankly ahead off into the distance.

“Sweetheart, please talk to me,” he pleaded as he took your cold hands in his. “Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?”

Yes. You.

At that, you finally brought your gaze up to meet his. The cruel irony of his question caused something inside you to snap and you suddenly found yourself unable to hold it in any longer.

“Why did you lie and say Namjoon asked you to stay at the dorms?” you demanded sharply as you ripped your hands away from his.

“What?” he asked, clearly taken aback by the harshness of both your words and actions.

“Answer the question, Tae,” you ordered, glaring at him sternly. “Why did you lie to me?”

“Sweetheart, I-I’m...I just…,” he stammered before his voice trailed off.

He looked so confused and frightened right now, like he was in a state of legitimate shock, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care and just ploughed forward with your interrogation.

“Why did you lie about having me sent to TXT today?” you shot back heatedly.

Silence.

“Why did you lie about where you were last night?” you then spat out.

Crickets.

“Why do you keep lying to me?” you finally shouted, throwing your hands up in frustration.

“Jagi...I-I…It’s not…I can explain...,” he sputtered out before words seemed to once again fail him completely.

For what felt like an eternity you waited for that explanation, but when it didn’t come, and all he did was just stare at you with wide, horrified eyes, the dam inside you broke. In an instant, the blind rage you had been filled with vanished, leaving nothing but sheer desolation in its wake.

“If you can’t answer that question, then maybe you can answer this one,” you then said sadly as  tears welled up in your eyes. “How long have you been cheating on me with Jisoo?”

“W-What?” he whispered as his mouth went slack and the color completely drained from his face.

“Was last night the first time?” you asked, hating how broken and pathetic you sounded right now. “Or just the first time you accidentally let her leave marks?”

“That’s why you’re avoiding me, right? Why you kept your shirt on last night and why you didn't want me around you at the photoshoot today and why you wanted to stay at the dorms?” you added. “Because you don’t want me to see them?”

“She showed me the ones you left on her, the ones all over her chest,” you admitted tearfully as the terrible image appeared in your mind. “She showed me and then told me I should leave you because I was embarrassing myself by desperately clinging to someone who doesn’t love me.”

“She…she did...she said what?” he breathed out as he stood there aghast, seemingly unable to comprehend what you were saying.

“If you were tired of me you should have just broken up with me,” you then cried as a terrible sob left you. “You should have just told me that you didn’t love me anymore and left.”

“Instead you just kept lying to me, making promises you never intended to keep, all while seeing her behind my back,” you went on between shuddering breaths.

“She tried to tell me several times and I even saw your text messages with her under the secret contact ‘J’, but still I refused to believe it was true,” you continued bitterly. “That’s how pathetic I apparently am.”

“Oh my god...Jagi, no...it’s not...,” he began before you cut him off.

“My heart broke every single time I saw you hold her hand or kiss her cheek or call her Jagi, but I endured that heartache because I trusted that you were just pretending, that you only did it because you loved me,” you sobbed, your words almost incoherent.

“I trusted you, but all you did was lie to me and use me and hurt me,” you then said with a final whimper.

By the time you were done, your chest was heaving from the exertion of your outburst. You honestly thought for a second you might pass out, that’s how lightheaded and weary you felt, but after closing your eyes and taking several deep breaths the feeling eventually subsided. When you opened them again your gaze met Tae’s and the sadness you saw there in his big, brown eyes made your heart absolutely ache.

Speaking all of that into existence was supposed to make you feel lighter and freer. You were supposed to feel like a massive burden had been lifted off of your shoulders. But as you stood there watching his face start to crumple, saw his lower lip begin to tremble, the crushing weight you had been feeling all evening only grew heavier. As the tears began slowly trickling down his face, you tried to convince yourself they were tears of guilt, but with each passing second it became harder and harder to believe that.

Deep down in the pit of your stomach, a terrible, gnawing feeling began eating away at you from the inside out. You had imagined him reacting to this confrontation in a number of ways - getting defensive, looking guilty, becoming angry, evading your questions entirely - but you had not imagined this. The devastation you saw on his face was the same kind of devastation you had seen in your own reflection back in the elevator, the kind of devastation you only feel when the person you love most in the entire world absolutely shatters your heart.

“I-I’m not ch-,” he tried to say before his voice broke.

It looked like he was struggling to not just speak, but to simply breathe, and it took him several moments to regain his composure. Despite everything that had happened, how hurt and angry and scared you were, it still absolutely killed you to see him like this.

“I’m not cheating,” he finally managed to say, his voice shaky and strained, like it physically pained him to speak those words.

“I-I would never do that to you,” he went on as he wiped at his tears with the back of his hand. “I would never hurt you and betray you like that.”

“Then tell me what you’re hiding from me,” you quietly begged, afraid to let yourself believe he was telling the truth right now, but wishing desperately that he was.

“Please just tell me what was so important that you had to lie to me over and over again and physically hide from me,” you pleaded.

Slowly, wordlessly, he began unbuttoning his shirt, his tear-filled eyes never once leaving yours. Only once they were all undone and he had pulled back the two pieces of fabric did you tear your gaze away from his. Looking down at his exposed chest, you were met with a sight that instantly stole your breath:

Nothing.

There was nothing.

No bruises or bites or scratches. Not a single blemish on his smooth, honey skin.

However, it was not the absence of any signs of an intimate night that had stolen your breath, but the absence of something else.

Something beautiful and dazzling.

Something you had spent many hours gazing at and daydreaming about.

Something that Tae would use when he went to ask the most important question of his life.

“I’m getting my grandmother’s ring resized,” he whispered, “because I was going to propose.”

The moment those words left his lips, time itself came to a screeching halt. You felt suffocated, like a thousand pound weight had been dropped on your chest and you could not take even a single breath. For what might have been just seconds but felt like hours, neither of you spoke. You just stared into each other’s eyes, tears silently streaming down both your faces, until eventually he broke the agonizing silence.

“I’ve been secretly going to a jeweler's,” he said despondently, his voice wavering on every other word. “They’re the same ones who made the couple’s ring I gave you so I knew I could trust them to be discreet. I went there last Sunday so I could let them look at it and figure out how they were going to expand it. They said it wouldn’t be too difficult and that it shouldn’t take more than a few hours, but when I took it back last night everything went wrong. The band broke when they tried to stretch it and then the purple diamond fell out. They ended up having to keep it and told me to come back on Monday to pick it up.”

He then pulled out his phone and hastily navigated to his photos, swiping furiously until he stopped on one with a timestamp from last night and then handed the device to you. On the screen in front of you, against a backdrop of black velvet, was his grandmother’s ring, looking exactly as he’d just described. There was an obvious fracture in the silver band, the two disjointed ends thinned and misaligned. Next to the ring the purple diamond laid forlorn, having lost all its former luster and magnificence. The state of the ring mimicked your own with excruciating accuracy; it was utterly broken.

“I was so frustrated afterwards,” he went on, running his hands through his hair as fresh tears poured down his face. “Frustrated and scared because I didn’t want you to know that I didn’t have it. I’ve been talking so much lately about marrying you. I’ve been so excited that I’ve been talking about it too much . And, you’re so smart, Jagi. I knew you would realize right away that it wasn’t a coincidence if it just randomly went missing. You know I wear it constantly. When I sleep. When I shower. When we’re intimate. The only times I ever take it off are during performances when I’m afraid it will pop out and people will see and get the wrong idea. If you saw me without it you would have known something was up.”

“So I panicked and literally hid from you,” he continued, getting upset all over again as he got up and started frantically pacing back and forth. “I turned the thermostat down and wore a shirt to bed last night and hoped you would think I was just cold. I left early so you wouldn’t see me in the shower and so I could talk to Jimin and try to figure out a plan. I didn’t know what I was going to do since you obviously would have seen my chest while you were getting me ready, but then I bumped into Baekhyun and came up with the plan for you to help them.”

“And then I just had to go to the dorms for the rest of the weekend. I couldn’t be at home with you and keep hiding, not when all I wanted to do was be close to you. After how awful I was to you last night, I just wanted to take care of you and show you how sorry I am and how much I love you. I wanted to cuddle with you and make love to you and take a bubble bath together with that lavender oil that you love so much. But, if I did those things you would have seen my ring was gone and you would have known,” he said, sounding truly tormented.

“I felt terrible lying to you, but I didn’t know what else to do,” he then admitted, his voice thick with guilt and regret. “I’ve been planning this for months and dreaming about it for years. I didn't want to ruin the surprise. After everything that’s happened and how strong and patient and incredible you’ve been, I wanted this to be perfect for you, sweetheart. I wanted to give you the most romantic and special and memorable proposal because that’s what you deserve.”

For the briefest of moments, you saw the ghost of a smile on his lips, but in the blink of an eye it was gone as an awful realization seemed to sweep over him like a chilling breeze.

“And, Jisoo…she…she knew everything,” he then said in a hushed, almost frightened voice, teardrops glistening on his grief-stricken face. “Because I…I told her everything.”

At his words, the already throbbing ache in your chest intensified exponentially. The fact that she hadn’t secretly uncovered this precious information, but that he had willingly divulged it, made all of this that much more heartbreaking.

“When I first talked to your Dad he asked me what my intentions were and I told him right then that I wanted to marry you. That’s why we were on the phone for so long,” he confessed. “I was going to officially ask for his blessing at Christmas which meant the faking dating needed to be over by then. There was absolutely no way I was going to look your father in the eye and ask for your hand in marriage while even pretending to be involved with another woman.”

“But, the Sunday night when Jisoo and I talked on the phone she was adamant that we keep going until after New Year’s. I told her we had to stop long before then, but she was being stubborn and kept asking why and saying it would look suspicious to break up just before the holidays. Eventually, I left the room and told her what I was planning and why it was so important that we end everything sooner,” he admitted remorsefully.

“She was so understanding and supportive when I told her and after that she kept asking how the planning was going and offering advice and words of encouragement. That day in her recording lab I was telling her some of my proposal ideas and she was just so excited for us,” he explained, sounding so distressed, so betrayed.

“At least, she pretended to be excited,” he added quietly as his head fell into his hands. “Just like she pretended to be upset today when I told her what happened to the ring.”

“But, all along she...she was planning this,” he then whispered, his gaze fixed on the ground in a blank, lifeless stare as the realization of what she had done finally hit him.

The silence that then followed was deafening. Deafening and suffocating and truly unbearable. There were simply no words to describe all that you felt in that moment.

The shock.

The heartbreak.

The rage.

Jisoo had played you. Like a violin, she had played you both, masterfully orchestrating the intricate and deadly symphony that served as the soundtrack to the implosion of your relationship.

She knew. She fucking knew.

She knew the gravity of this precious secret, knew the extraordinary lengths he would go to in order to keep it, and cruelly exploited that to her advantage. She took Tae’s innocence and romanticism, twisted and distorted them into weapons, and forced him to unknowingly wield them against you.

This tactic of psychological warfare had never been more successfully and savagely put to use than it had been today. The way she manipulated the situation was ingenious. It was sadistic and selfish and truly unforgivable, but undeniably ingenious. She knew he was hiding from you and waited until the exact moment that you were most vulnerable to provide you with what seemed, at the time, to be the only logical explanation for Tae’s confusing and hurtful behavior.

The heartbreaking truth in all this was that you would have been suspicious if Tae’s ring went missing all of a sudden. Whenever he had his shirt off, it was the first thing that caught your eye. When you showered together, you liked to twist your fingers around the chain and gently tug him towards you with it. If you wore a tank top to sleep, the cool metal of the band sometimes tickled your back when he snuggled you against him. When he made love to you, it dangled down and brushed against your own chest. Any time you got him dressed for a shoot or interview or performance, you checked to make sure it was well hidden. You had been intrigued by it the very first time you saw it peeking out of his shirt all those years ago, but now that you knew it was one day destined for your finger it was even more mesmerizing.

The fact that Tae had been talking about marriage a lot lately would have only added to your suspicion. Since that day on the couch when he first told you he wanted to marry you, the topic had come up numerous times. You talked about it after he told you about his dream. He once casually asked you what time of year you thought would be best for a wedding. While you were watching a movie where someone proposed via a flash mob, he nonchalantly asked if you would like a grand gesture like that or want it to be more low key. One morning while you were snuggling in bed he even shyly referred to you as ‘future Mrs. Kim’.

Him saying Thursday night that he wanted to start a family in the next few years made you realize he was thinking of getting married much sooner than you initially thought. You didn’t know he was planning to propose this soon, but you did wonder if it might happen sometime in the next year. If he suddenly ‘lost’ his ring a day later, you definitely would have found that to be more than a little suspect, especially because you knew it needed to be resized before he proposed with it.

You knew this because you had asked Tae once if he ever put it on and he said no for two reasons: one, because it didn’t feel right to do so and two, because it wouldn’t fit anyway. Despite the fact that Tae had huge hands, his grandmother apparently had extremely tiny ones. He said the ring was so small that it wouldn’t even fit you. You involuntarily pouted a little after he said that as the idea of it perhaps not truly being meant for you crossed your mind, but he kissed your pouty lips, pulled back to give you a cheeky smile, and said, ‘it doesn’t fit you yet’.

The true gravity of the situation then hit you like a freight train. He was going to propose, was going to devote himself to you in the most meaningful and sacred of ways, and you just accused him of cheating, the most hurtful and disgraceful act one can commit against their partner. The irony was unbearably cruel. The whole situation was a complete and utter nightmare.

One which Jisoo had brought to life.

All at once, it was just too much. Too much information. Too many emotions. Too much to process and comprehend and accept. You just couldn’t handle it. You were so tired, so physically and mentally and emotionally drained. There was simply nothing left inside you.

The lightheadedness was back now, only this time it was infinitely worse. Your head began spinning and the ground beneath you started shifting and soon you were swaying on your feet. You felt nauseous too and suddenly so confused. You somehow couldn’t remember how or why you even ended up on the roof in the first place.

In a heartbeat Tae was in front of you, reaching up with both hands to gently cup your face. He was saying something, but you couldn’t make out the words. You couldn’t even hear him. It was like you were underwater, like everything was muted and heavy and happening in slow motion.

The world then started to fade away, the edges of your vision growing blurry until the only thing you could see was Tae, your Tae. The last thing you remember was the sound of his voice shouting your name and the feeling of his arms around you before everything went dark.

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan  @jesus-in-the-womb  @infernal-alpaca  @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94  @taeyohonic @afiaaaa19 @nooojaaam @ lucci-girl @2oct @foodwaterbangtansonyeondan  @vantedmp @roguesthetic

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 50 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 4.0k

warnings: none

A/N: Sorry for the delay on this one! It was my husband’s 30th birthday last week and I was a little swamped getting ready to have family over to celebrate :)

Chapter 50: I Promise

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

“Y/N. Can you hear me? Sweetheart, please wake up. Please come back to me…”

The words were faint at first, softer than a whisper, but they grew louder and louder until eventually you heard them clear as day and recognized the voice that was speaking. It was his voice, your favorite voice in the whole world, the one that whispered the sweetest nothings, sang the most beautiful songs, and spoke the most loving words.

“Tae?” you mumbled out, curling your fingers around the hand you hoped was his.

“She’s finally awake...yes, I will…OK, thank you,” you heard him quickly say to someone.

“I’m here, Jagi,” he then said tenderly as he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m here.”

Slowly opening your eyes, you found him kneeling over you, worry written all over his tear-stained face. When you glanced over his shoulder and saw the night sky, you realized you were laying on the ground. The next thing you noticed was that your feet were propped up underneath your bag and his jacket was draped over you. Confusion settled in as you tried to remember how you ended up in this position but couldn’t come up with any sort of explanation.

“Sweetheart, you fainted,” he told you, reading your bewildered expression. “You were unconscious for over a minute.”

“I kept calling your name, but you wouldn’t wake up,” he went on, looking at you with wide, terrified eyes.

“I-I’ve never been more scared in my entire life,” he then added, his voice breaking as he leaned down and kissed your forehead.

He kept his lips there for several seconds and when he pulled back to look at you his eyes were glistening. His grip on your hand tightened a bit as he looked away momentarily, taking a deep breath as if to collect himself. Even in your hazy state you could tell that he was shaken by what had happened and trying to be strong for you. The fear and helplessness he must have felt was something you could fully empathize with; you had watched him collapse backstage once after a particularly grueling string of performances and had nearly had a heart attack because you were so worried. Wanting to comfort him with a hug, you began trying to sit up, but he immediately stopped you.

“Don’t get up, Jagi,” he said, his voice laden with concern as he urged your shoulders back down. “It’s not safe yet.”

“You need to keep laying down,” he continued more softly as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “If you get up now you could get dizzy again.”

“I called 911 and they sent an ambulance,” he then told you hesitantly. “I just want you to rest until they get here, OK?”

“A-Ambulance?” you questioned nervously, a wave of anxiety coursing through you upon realizing where an ambulance would take you. “No, no, no.”

“I-I don’t want to go to the emergency room,” you said, panic rising in your voice as you shook your head and withdrew from him. “Call them back and tell them not to come.”

It was no secret to Tae that you were afraid of hospitals. After practically living in one all those months when your mom was sick and slowly fading away, you had developed a serious aversion to them. You were OK going to regular doctor’s appointments at outpatient clinics, but going to the hospital itself was a whole different story. Just seeing one on television or in a movie always brought you right back to those dark days, ones where all you ever got was bad news and all you ever felt was hopelessness. The idea of stepping foot in one had you filled with absolute dread, especially if you were going to be the patient.

“Jagi, you were unconscious for a long time,” he said worriedly as he caressed your hand to try and soothe your nerves. “You have to be seen by a doctor to make sure you’re OK.”

In the back of your mind you knew he was right. Usually when someone fainted they woke up after only a few seconds. Being out for more than a minute was definitely a red flag, one that didn’t necessarily mean anything was seriously wrong, but which indicated medical attention was recommended. Still, the idea of going to the emergency room, and being taken in an ambulance, no less, was absolutely terrifying.

What was most frightening, though, was the idea of being taken in an ambulance from Big Hit, the place around which all your lies and secrets revolved. Ambulances weren’t discreet. They didn’t arrive quietly and sneakily whisk you away. They showed up with loud sirens and flashing lights. They made a scene, one which everyone in the building, and anyone outside the building, for that matter, would be drawn to.

“B-But if an ambulance comes here p-people will see and then they’ll ask q-questions about us and why we’re up here together and why I fainted and…,” you stammered out before an awful realization suddenly hit you and your voice trailed off.

Your fight with Tae is why you fainted

Memories from before you fainted came flooding back to you like a torrential acid rain, seeping into every crevice of your mind and scorching your every thought. All the terrible things you said when you accused him of cheating. How completely devastated he looked afterwards. The truth about his grandmother's ring and his plan to propose. Jisoo’s betrayal and how you walked right into her trap. It was all such a mess, one you now couldn’t help but feel responsible for. Once again you had let your insecurities get the best of you, but this time you feared the damage you’d caused was simply beyond repair.

“Oh god, our fight,” you whispered as the guilt welled up inside you and your eyes filled with tears.

Reliving this awful moment, the one where you realized you made the biggest mistake of your life, was the cruelest form of torture. You felt like you had woken up from a bad dream only to discover that reality itself was the true nightmare. It made complete sense now why your body had simply given out when you finally learned the truth; the weight of this revelation was absolutely crushing. As the tears started pouring out, you felt your chest tightening and your throat closing. You were on the verge of losing it entirely when Tae reached out to you.

“Sweetheart, please don’t cry,” he pleaded, bringing his hands up to cup your cheeks. “It’s going to be alright. We’re going to be alright. I promise we’ll talk about everything and figure it all out soon, but right now I need you to calm down. Can you do that for me?”

Closing your eyes and focusing on just the feel of his warm hands cradling your face, you felt yourself slowly coming back from the edge.

“The only thing that matters right now is that you’re OK,”  he then said softly as he brushed away your tears with his thumbs.

“I know you’re nervous about the ambulance coming here and taking you to the hospital, but I’m going to be with you the whole time,” he assured you. “No matter what happens.”

“Y-You promise?” you asked between shuddered breaths.

“I promise,” he replied earnestly.

“Now let’s just rest until they get here, OK?” he then said as he laid down on his side next to you. “Can you come lay down with me?”

“OK,” you hiccupped.

You laid your head back down and closed your eyes. The ground was hard and cold, rather uncomfortable, but you tried your best to relax, taking slow, deep breaths of the crisp night air. While you were laying there, Tae began gently running his fingers through your hair and softly singing ‘Sweet Night’, two things he often did when you were feeling overwhelmed. In his touch and the sound of his voice you found comfort and by the time he finished the song you had finally started to calm down. For the first time since you woke up in a terrified daze, you felt like everything was going to be OK, but then the elevator suddenly opened up behind you.

In the blink of an eye, the safe, peaceful atmosphere Tae had created for you was shattered as the roof filled with people: two paramedics, Bang PD, Manager Sejin, Mrs. Choi, and a couple other administrative staff members. Tae pulled his hands away from you the moment he heard the doors open and scrambled to button up his shirt while getting to his feet, but it was clear from everyone’s curious expressions that they had seen him in that compromising position beside you.

The next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up onto a gurney. The jarring movement brought another wave of lightheadedness as well as some nausea and for a few moments you just laid there, eyes tightly screwed shut as you tried to get it together. The fact that everyone then started talking all at once only made things worse, but the paramedics quickly quieted everyone and began tending to you.

As they took your vitals, they asked you a flurry of questions about what happened, how you were feeling, your medical history, and so much more. It was incredibly overwhelming and you were grateful Tae was there helping you answer their questions since your memory was still fuzzy. It briefly registered with you that he probably shouldn’t be revealing that he knew things like the medications you took, but everything was happening so fast that you didn’t have time to warn him.

“Can you please explain to me again what happened,” one of the paramedics asked, directing the question to Tae.

“Y/N was sitting up here for a long time because she was upset about something. I don’t know how long, but I think at least a couple hours which means she didn’t have dinner. I went looking for her and when I found her we had an argument and she got really upset and afterwards she fainted,” he explained nervously.

“I caught her before she fell, laid her down and elevated her feet like you’re supposed to, and then called 911. They had me check her pulse and breathing which seemed normal, but when she still wasn’t awake after a minute they sent the ambulance. She finally woke up soon after that, but she was really confused at first and didn’t remember what happened,” he continued.

“Was this argument physical in any way?” the paramedic then asked, now looking at you.

His insinuation that Tae might have purposefully done something to hurt you made your insides churn. It simply couldn’t be further from the truth. He had spent all night looking out for you and taking care of you.

“No, of course not,” you said immediately.

“Tae would never hurt me,” you then added, your voice catching as tears pricked at your eyes.

Instinctively, Tae reached down and took your hand, carefully interlacing his fingers with yours. You knew he shouldn’t have done it with all these people around, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. In that moment, it was infinitely more important that he knew you trusted him wholeheartedly and didn’t blame him for what happened.

The whole time you were talking with the paramedics, Bang PD and Manager Sejin were anxiously waiting in the background, talking heatedly amongst themselves. You saw Bang PD receive several phone calls and each one seemed to make him more flustered than the last. The moment they heard the paramedic ask if the argument was physical, though, they rushed over.

“I’m sorry, miss. I didn’t mean to make you upset,” the paramedic then said gently. “We just have to ask in a situation like this.”

“It sounds like it was a simple faint triggered by a combination of low blood sugar and emotional distress,” he went on after a few moments. “You’re probably fine, but since you were unconscious for so long we need to take you to the hospital to rule out anything more serious.”

“O-OK,” you replied weakly.

“We’ll be leaving soon. I just need to speak with my partner first,” the paramedic then said before he turned and walked away.

You knew a trip to the emergency room was likely unavoidable, but having it confirmed still sent a wave of panic washing over you. Were it not for Tae gently rubbing your thumb with his to remind you that you weren’t alone and it was going to be alright, you might have started hyperventilating again. Looking up at him, you were met with the sight of an encouraging smile, but the comfort it brought you was unfortunately short-lived.

“Taehyung, what were you thinking?” Manager Sejin demanded the moment the paramedic was out of earshot.

“You had an altercation with a female staff member that has resulted in her needing to be hospitalized. Your 911 call was surely recorded and could get leaked. These paramedics have also seen you and know everything. A crowd has already gathered outside the building because of the ambulance. The press won’t stop calling and asking what’s happened and who’s hurt,” he added angrily. “Do you have any idea how all of this looks?”

Manager Sejin was usually very kind and soft-spoken so seeing him so upset was rather alarming. The last time you had seen him like this was the evening of The Late Late Show interview when Tae had slipped up and said ‘Jagi’ on live television. It had devastated Tae to know that someone he looked up to and respected so much had been so disappointed in him and one glance at his crestfallen expression told you he was once again feeling that shame.

“Tae didn’t do anything wrong,” you interjected hesitantly, trying to smooth things over. “It was an accident and he was only trying to help.”

“Y/N, please just stay out of this,” Manager Sejin replied curtly. “You’ve done enough already.”

Upon hearing those sharp words, you stiffened. You knew having an ambulance come here was going to create drama, but you were definitely not expecting this level of hostility. All at once, your hope that everything was going to be alright began to crumble.

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Tae said back, his words coming out surprisingly harsh, especially given he was talking to one of his elders. “None of this was her fault.”

By now Mrs. Choi had made her way over to the group. Standing beside the gurney you were laying on, she placed her hand on your shoulder in a way that felt somewhat protective.

“If she wasn’t up here in the first place none of this would have happened,” Manager Sejin argued as he peered down at you disdainfully.

“But, you should have contacted one of us before you called 911,” he then continued, looking back at Tae. “That way we could have handled this situation discreetly.”

“Please tell me you are not suggesting that the reputation of BTS is more important than the health of one of your employees,” Mrs. Choi suddenly said, her tone icy as she glared at the older man.

“Enough,” Bang PD hissed before anyone could say anything further. “We’re not having this conversation here.”

“Taehyung, go downstairs and wait for us in my office,” he then added sternly. “Once the ambulance leaves we can discuss what to say to the press and how to minimize your involvement in this situation.”

“No,” Tae immediately said. “I’m going to the hospital with Y/N.”

“Absolutely not,” Bang PD replied, his tone severe and unyielding. “This is already enough of a fiasco. If you go to the hospital someone will surely recognize you. It would be a PR nightmare, not to mention a huge security threat.”

“I’ll wear a mask and a hat and sunglasses,” Tae quickly offered. “I promise I’ll keep a low profile.”

“Taehyung,” the older man protested, clearly growing frustrated.

“Tae, it’s OK,” you murmured.

“No, it’s not OK,” he said quietly, looking down at you with a worried expression. “You’re hurt and it’s my fault and I have to be there to take care of you.”

Your heart simultaneously swelled and dropped at his words. The truth was you did want him there, needed him there, honestly, but the situation was quickly getting out of hand. The more he pushed to come with you, the worse everything would get. You gazed back at him with wide, searching eyes, silently begging him to back down, but he didn’t.

“I’m not letting her go to the hospital by herself,” Tae then said more forcefully as he turned back towards the group. “Being there makes her anxious because of everything that happened with her mom.”

“She won’t be by herself,” Mrs. Choi said, giving your shoulder an affectionate squeeze. “I’ll ride with her to the hospital.”

As much as you wanted Tae to be the one coming with you, you found yourself feeling genuinely comforted by the thought of Mrs. Choi accompanying you. That day you met with her in her office you had actually told her more than you initially intended to about your mom, more than you had even told many of your close friends. It had felt surprisingly natural to open up to her like that. She didn’t know everything that you went through, but she knew enough to understand that your apprehension about going to the hospital was very real.

“See? She won’t be alone,” Bang PD placated, jumping at the opportunity to hopefully end this once and for all. “And, I’m sure Mrs. Choi will keep you updated on how she’s doing.”

“You don’t understand,” Tae said, running his hair through his hair in frustration. “I have to be there. I promised I would be there.”

“Tae,” you breathed out as you tightly gripped his hand.

He had already been acting dangerously affectionate and protective, but right now he was being entirely too obvious. Any second now someone was going to start putting two and two together and you would both be screwed. Although you were planning to leave Big Hit soon and reveal your relationship, these were not the circumstances under which you envisioned doing so.

Honestly, you were going to suggest to Tae that the two of you wait until a couple months after you resigned to announce you had started dating. Sure, people might make assumptions that you had gotten together before you left, but at least then it would be too late for either of you to be disciplined. By that time you would also be settled into a new job and wouldn’t have to worry about a black mark on your record hindering your career.

“Taehyung, please be reasonable,” Bang PD implored, his patience beginning to grow thin. “It is not practical for you to go with her, nor is it appropriate. They’ll be running all sorts of tests and she’ll need privacy.”

“We’ll call her emergency contact and have them meet her there,” Manager Sejin then added, his tone ever so slightly biting. “They can take care of her.”

The undertone of hostility in those remarks did not go unnoticed by Tae and ultimately proved to be his undoing.

“Her emergency contact is me,” Tae shot back furiously, his composure finally snapping. “I’m the one who is supposed to take care of her and make sure she’s safe and healthy and happy.”

“I already failed her once,” he then admitted, his voice suddenly thick with emotion. “I let her get hurt. I let this happen. I-I have to make it right now.”

“I have to go with her to the hospital,” he declared. “I have to hold her hand when they draw her blood because she doesn't like needles. I have to help her explain her family medical history because it’s hard for her to talk about her mom without getting really upset. I’ll have to force her to eat the hospital food because she needs to regain her strength, but she’s such a picky eater. I’ll have to ask the nurse for an extra blanket because she’ll definitely get cold, but will be too shy to tell anyone. I’ll have to call her sister and tell her what happened because Y/N never wants anyone to worry and always tries to take care of herself without asking for help. I have to be there for her and make sure she’s OK because I would never forgive myself if anything ever happened to her.”

“So either you let me ride in that ambulance or I drive myself to the hospital, because I’m not breaking my promise to be there with her,” he then all but shouted.

For a few moments no one spoke as the weight of Tae’s outburst slowly sunk in. He might not have outright said it, but he had clearly said more than enough for them to put the pieces together. With bated breath, you watched as everyone’s eyes flickered back and forth between you and Tae and then down at your joined hands. Slowly but surely, you saw the realization dawn on each one of them.

“You’re not dating Jisoo,” Bang PD simply stated after what felt like an eternity.

“You’re pretending to date her,” he went on, his voice surprisingly even, “to hide your relationship with Y/N.”

Tae didn’t respond, but the guilty expression he wore was more than enough to let Bang PD and everyone else know that his assertions were correct. The two administrative staff members who had been listening in on the conversation let out audible gasps. Manager Sejin muttered something under his breath as he shook his head in disbelief. Mrs. Choi said nothing, but you felt her grip on your shoulder tighten ever-so-slightly. Bang PD just stared at Tae, an unreadable expression spread across his face. He didn’t look angry nor did he look all that surprised. Honestly, it was almost as if he looked a little relieved.

You laid there in stunned silence, still barely breathing as you clutched Tae’s hand like it was the only thing keeping you from floating away. After a few moments, when the initial shock finally began to wear off, you found a strange sense of calm settling over you. The truth was finally out. There would be consequences for sure, and you would obviously have to deal with them at some point, but right now the emotion you felt most strongly was relief: the crushing weight of all those secrets had finally been lifted. And, of all the ways for your big secret to ultimately be revealed, you supposed having Tae give an adorably flustered speech about all the ways he would take care of you was a pretty good one.

“You’re not going in the ambulance and you’re not driving yourself,” Bang PD finally said to break the silence.

“You will be taken by a company driver and will also be accompanied by Manager Sejin,” he then added after a moment of suspense.

“You will be dropped off at the back entrance of the hospital and then discreetly escorted to the private and secluded examination room Miss Y/L/N will be residing in,” he went on authoritatively, now speaking to the paramedic who had rejoined the group at some point amidst the chaos.

“Absolutely sir,” the paramedic replied. “I will call the hospital now and make arrangements.”

“Taehyung, if you would please now go to my office it would be greatly appreciated,” Bang PD then said calmly. “There are some things I’d like to discuss with you before you leave.”

“Yes sir,” Tae said respectfully, his expression of absolute astonishment mirroring your own.

Just before he turned to leave, he bent down, placed the tiniest kiss on your cheek, and then whispered in your ear, “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan  @jesus-in-the-womb  @infernal-alpaca  @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94  @taeyohonic @afiaaaa19 @nooojaaam @ lucci-girl @2oct @foodwaterbangtansonyeondan  @vantedmp @roguesthetic @ dreadity @belladaises

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 51 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 8.2k

warnings: none

Chapter 51: The Candle And The Sun

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

The moment the paramedics closed the ambulance doors, the gravity of the whole situation finally started sinking in. You had a terrible fight with Tae during which you accused him of cheating and still needed to have what would surely be a heart wrenching conversation with him about it. Your secret was out and you were going to be fired. And, you had fainted, been unconscious for over a minute, and were now headed to the hospital, one of your least favorite places on Earth.

Each one of those experiences was incredibly stressful in and of itself so the fact that they all occurred within the span of an hour was downright overwhelming. As the ambulance roared to life, you could feel the panic beginning to envelop you, but then suddenly Mrs. Choi reached over from where she was sitting beside you and took your hand. She didn’t say anything, just gave you a smile which you returned, but with that small, simple gesture you felt yourself instantly relax. You weren’t alone. It was going to be OK. Taking a deep, steadying breath, you pulled out your phone with your free hand and sent a few quick messages to Tae.

[Taehyung 7:52 PM] I know you’re busy meeting with Bang PD, but I just want to say I’m so sorry for everything.

[Taehyung 7:52 PM] Thank you for taking care of me and sticking up for me and coming with me.

[Taehyung 7:53 PM] I love you and I’ll see you soon.

The drive went by rather quickly and before you knew it, you were being wheeled into the emergency department at the Seoul National University Hospital. Bypassing the horde of people in the waiting room, you were immediately escorted to a private, secluded room just as Bang PD had requested. It looked a little on the nicer side compared to the other hospital rooms you’d had the misfortune of frequenting throughout your mom’s illness, but all in all it was about what you were expecting: cold, sterile, depressing. Thankfully you weren’t alone when the admissions nurse left the room; Mrs. Choi was there to help you get settled in and keep your nerves from running amuck. Even still, you were anxiously waiting for Tae to arrive.

[Taehyung 8:14 PM] Just got to the hospital.

[Taehyung 8:18 PM] I’m in room 304.

[Taehyung 8:20 PM] Mrs. Choi said she can meet you at the back entrance when you arrive and bring you here.

While you waited to hear back from Tae, Mrs. Choi and you made idle chit chat. To your surprise, she did not chastise you for your blatant disregard of the rules of your contract. In fact, she didn’t say anything at all about the massive revelation from the roof and the consequences you were surely going to suffer as a result. On the contrary, she was nothing but supportive, reassuring you numerous times that everything was going to be OK and urging you to rest. Her presence was extremely comforting and you found yourself feeling increasingly grateful that she had offered to come with you.

When the door to your room opened fifteen minutes later, your heart immediately leapt thinking Tae had finally made it, but it sunk back down just as quickly when you realized your visitor was just another nurse. After Mrs. Choi quietly excused herself to the waiting room to give you privacy, the nurse began doing an examination. She checked your vitals again and asked you some general questions about your health and medical history. Next, she had you go into the en-suite bathroom to provide a urine sample so they could run some tests. Finally, she drew some of your blood so even more tests could be done. Once you were done with all that, she let you know that a doctor would be in with you shortly and then exited the room, leaving you alone for the first time since everything happened.

[Taehyung 8:38 PM] They just took my blood and I didn’t even cry.

[Taehyung 8:38 PM] You would be so proud.

[Taehyung 8:39 PM] But, I still wish I could have held your hand.

[Taehyung 8:40 PM] Are you close?

[Taehyung 8:45 PM] Or at least only your way?

You couldn’t deny that you were beginning to get ever-so-slightly stressed that Tae hadn’t arrived yet or, at the very least, responded to your texts. Back on the roof, Bang PD had made it seem like their conversation would be brief, but it had now been over an hour since you left Big Hit. If the whole point of letting Tae come was so that he could be with you during the examinations and procedures and other things that frightened you, why was Bang PD keeping him this long?

When the door opened again a little while later and it once again wasn’t Tae, but rather your doctor, your heart plummeted even further. She was an older woman with a kind face and an even kinder voice, but her warm smile did nothing to calm your nerves. She agreed with the paramedic’s initial assessment, that you fainted due to a combination of low blood sugar from not having dinner and emotional distress from your fight. However, she did still order an electrocardiogram to check for any heart arrhythmias and said a technician would come by soon to administer the test. After telling you to just sit tight and giving you another encouraging smile, she then left the room.

[Taehyung 9:01 PM] They’re going to do an ECG to make sure my heart is OK.

[Taehyung 9:01 PM] I’m kind of nervous.

[Taehyung 9:02 PM] I hope you can get here soon.

As the seconds ticked by and still you received no response, your heart sank lower and lower and lower. You knew an ECG was a standard, completely harmless procedure, but you still wanted Tae there with you when it was performed. You wanted him to hold your hand and rub your thumb with his and remind you that everything was going to be OK. For twenty minutes you sat there staring at your phone, willing it to light up with a message notification, but sadly none ever came. When the door finally opened again and the ECG technician wheeled in the machine, your heart crashed down on the cold basement floor of your chest. Fighting back tears, you sent off a few more messages before putting your phone away so the test could begin.

[Taehyung 9:12 PM] Tae?

[Taehyung 9:12 PM] Is everything OK?

[Taehyung 9:13 PM] Are you still coming?

The second the tech left the room a half hour later, you glanced down at your phone only to be met with the same devastating sight as before: no new messages. Reading and rereading the unanswered string of evermore desperate-sounding ones you sent to Tae, a pit grew in your stomach as you began seriously considering the possibility that he wasn’t actually coming. You wondered if Bang PD changed his mind and decided not to let him come after all or worse, if he never intended for Tae to come in the first place and had only said that so he would leave the roof. You would be disappointed to learn that either of those things were true, but both of them were better than the other explanation swirling through your mind: that Tae had decided not to come.

He had been so affectionate and protective back on the roof, and had promised that the two of you would be OK, but what if that had just been a gut reaction? What if he had only acted that way because he felt guilty that you fainted? What if, now that the crisis was over and he’d had time to think through everything that happened, he was having second thoughts about you and your future together?

You knew it wasn’t productive or healthy to contemplate such things, but you couldn’t help it. You were alone and anxious, physically exhausted and emotionally unstable. The memory of Tae’s reaction to your accusation played on an endless loop in your mind, how his face had crumpled and his lower lip began to tremble before the first few tears slowly spilled out. He looked heartbroken, absolutely shattered, and it was all your fault. If he couldn’t forgive you for the hurt you’d caused and didn’t want to be with you anymore, could you even blame him?

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you tried to corral your toxic, wandering thoughts. He promised he would be there and he promised you two would be OK. He promised. He wouldn’t break that promise. He wouldn’t have said those words if he didn’t mean them.

Right?

In an attempt to calm yourself down, you started singing ‘Sweet Night’ in your head. You tried to imagine the way Tae had done it back on the roof, how soft and soothing his voice had been, but the melody running through your mind right now was the opposite of comforting. It was unmistakably sorrowful, but two lines in particular had your breath hitching and your heart leaping up into your throat.

Now my forever’s falling down Wondering if you’d want me now?

Tae told you once that he wrote ‘Sweet Night’ from the perspective of his future self. Years from now, once he left BTS and you left Big Hit and the rules of your contracts no longer applied, he would come find you and confess his love. The window that was your time spent as colleagues and friends would be closed, but the door to your future as so much more would be wide open. You would walk through it together and the sadness of having once been ‘ships in the night’ would be forgotten entirely.

Unfortunately, that beautiful, picture perfect scenario is not the one that ended up playing out. After slowly drifting towards one another for three years, you grew impatient. You blatantly disregarded the will of the tides and instead chose to force your way forward with reckless haste. But, when the vast expanse of space between you finally disappeared, you didn’t pass by each other as nature intended, you collided, the result of which was your improbable, forbidden, whirlwind romance. And now, rather than floating on in opposite directions, the door still open to one day meet again and move forward together, you were both sinking to the bottom of the sea.

Maybe this was what you deserved. You broke the rules and cheated the system. You tried to have your cake and eat it too, but your plan backfired horrendously and now you were in danger of losing everything. In one fell swoop, you could lose the love of your life, your best friend, and your job. It would be a terrible end to your journey, but you would really only have yourself to blame.

Tears welled up in your eyes as the harsh reality began setting in. It had been almost two hours since you left Big Hit. If Tae was coming, surely he would have arrived by now. While there could still be a valid reason for why he wasn’t with you, his silence warned you not to get your hopes up. At this point, you realized it would probably be best for you to just acknowledge that he wasn’t coming and maybe even tell him you were doing fine on your own. That way if he had chosen not to come he wouldn’t feel so guilty and you also wouldn’t look so pathetic.

With a trembling hand, you pulled out your phone and began typing the message, trying to strike the right balance of contrition and nonchalance. After writing and rewriting it countless times, you were finally about to press send when suddenly the door to your room opened yet again. There in the doorway was a hooded figure, wearing a black facemask and dark sunglasses. The disguise was excellent, the average person would have no idea who was hidden behind it, but you knew instantly who it was.

Tae

For a few moments he just stood there, taking in the sight of you curled up on the bed in a sad, lonely heap, but then he was quickly stepping into the room. The instant the door closed behind him you burst into tears. In a heartbeat, he crossed the room and climbed onto the bed beside you, ripping off the hood, mask, and glasses as he went. As he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest, you buried your face in the crook of his neck and sobbed, letting out everything you had been holding back since you woke up back on the roof in a terrified daze.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he said guiltily between kisses to your temple. “I’m sorry I’m so late.”

“I meant to be here hours ago, but my meeting with Bang PD ended up being so long and then the security team had concerns about me coming here,” he went on as he rubbed your back soothingly. “My phone was dead so I couldn’t text you and I didn’t realize until we left just how late it had gotten.”

“But, I…I should have found a way to let you know what was happening,” he then added quietly as you continued to weep, your frail body racking with sobs. “I should have had someone else text you or Mrs. Choi. God, Jagi. I’m so sorry. You…you must have been so worried.”

It took you several minutes to calm down enough so that you could actually speak. The emotion you were most overcome with was relief, but there was a small part of you that was frustrated with him. The last two hours of radio silence had been torture. Just the briefest of messages from him could have put you at ease and stopped you from spiraling.

“I was afraid you weren’t coming,” you finally confessed, your words shaky and muffled.

“I texted you a bunch of times, but you didn’t respond,” you went on. “I started worrying that something was wrong.”

“I-I thought maybe you changed your mind about us being OK,” you then added, your voice breaking at the end.

He hugged you to him even more tightly as he realized just how much worry he had caused you by leaving you all alone and in the dark for so long.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he replied back, his voice thick and strained, filled with such pain. “Of course you would worry like that after two hours without hearing from me. It was so careless of me to let that happen. I should have realized the meeting would be long and asked to use someone’s phone as soon as the lawyer got there.”

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated before pressing a long kiss to your forehead.

Any trace of frustration you felt over his lack of communication vanished that instant. You just couldn’t be upset with him. Not when he sounded so remorseful and you were just so happy that he was finally there. And, not when it seemed like he had a valid and highly disconcerting reason to have been too distracted to get in touch with you.

“Baby, it’s OK,” you assured him, pulling back to look at him. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

“But…why did you have to meet with a lawyer?” you then asked nervously. “Are we in that much trouble for breaking our contracts?”

“No, it’s not that,” he quickly replied, giving you a reassuring squeeze. “Honestly, we barely talked at all about our contracts and the fact that we broke them or how we’re going to be disciplined.”

Those words came as quite a bit of a shock, but it was his next ones that had your blood running cold.

“We actually spent the entire time talking about Jisoo,” he then said, his voice hushed.

At the mention of her name, a shiver went up your spine. So much had happened in the last few hours that you had almost forgotten what had been the ultimate catalyst for it all, but suddenly you were right back there with her in the elevator. Just remembering the smug smirk she had given you through the mirror as she flashed you those hickies was enough to make your insides churn.

“From the very beginning Bang PD was suspicious of my ‘relationship’ with her, not because he thought I was fake dating her to hide another relationship, but because he thought she might be blackmailing me,” Tae revealed with a shudder. “That’s obviously a serious accusation and he had no proof so he hadn’t said anything to me yet, but he’s been keeping an eye out for any signs that she was coercing me into being with her.”

“He had a meeting with her recently to discuss her contract renewal and the topic of our ‘relationship’ came up,” he went on. “She apparently made it seem like we were going to be together for a while, but did so in a way that felt strange and forced, like she knew for a fact that I wouldn’t be breaking up with her anytime soon. He said he just got a bad feeling from the conversation and that it reinforced his worry that something was wrong.”

“He was actually going to ask to meet with me next week to talk about it, but then everything happened tonight. When we met in his office, I told him the whole story about the fake dating cover, including that I was planning to propose and how she manipulated the situation and tried to break us up. He’s now more worried than ever that she might try something,” he then said nervously.

“Tae, what exactly do you mean by ‘try something’?” you questioned, fear evident in your shaky voice.

“He thinks that if I confront her and try to end the fake dating agreement, she’ll threaten to reveal our relationship to the public,” he admitted, looking and sounding deeply concerned.

“Which is why he called in one of the Big Hit lawyers so we could talk through our options and make a plan,” he then quickly explained. “They want me to meet with her and secretly record it so we can go to the police with hard evidence if she tries to threaten or blackmail me.”

Up until now, you hadn’t really even thought about what you and Tae were going to do with regard to Jisoo. You were so focused on the future of your own relationship that it hadn’t occurred to you that he needed to end the fake one he was in with her. As much as you wanted to believe that Bang PD and the lawyer were overreacting, that they were taking such measures out of an abundance of caution, you knew in your heart that their concerns were completely justified.

She had already done unspeakably terrible things and proven she was a cruel, sadist person who only cared about herself and couldn’t be trusted. The idea that she was going to let things between her and Tae end in a quiet, amicable manner was simply absurd. A wave of anxiety crashed over you upon realizing how much more pain she could cause you two with all the information she had about your relationship. She knew so much, enough to ruin Tae’s image and possibly even his entire career, enough to jeopardize not only your privacy and safety, but that of the other members and their partners

“Jagi, it’s going to be OK,” he assured you, noting your fearful expression. “We have help now. We don’t have to do this alone. For all we know she might not even try anything, but if she does Big Hit will protect us.”

“Before I meet with her, though, I need to know everything. What she said and when she said it. How she threatened you. How she was able to do this to us,” he then added, his tone somber.

“Can you tell me what happened, sweetheart?” he asked gently as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “I promise I’m not going to be mad and that we’re still going to be OK after you do.”

With a heavy heart, you nodded and then started recounting everything that had led you to this fateful moment. You admitted that the night she suggested they ‘up their game’ was when you began questioning her motives. You also confessed that was when you first wondered if he secretly enjoyed spending time with her. You explained how she then started taunting you the following Friday afternoon and how you initially just clapped back saying you didn’t care about them ‘playing pretend’. You told him about her insinuation that they had done something inappropriate in her recording studio and how you noted his cagey behavior when you asked him about it later that night.

One of the hardest things to tell him about was your elaborate plan to rub your relationship in her face. You confessed to purposefully getting him all worked up with the lingerie, sexting, and bondage last Sunday and by wearing his clothes, promising to do the photoshoot, and teasing him during the fitting the next day. You admitted that you’d made it obvious to her that you’d not only had sex the night before, but that the two of you were going home during lunch to have sex again. You told him about her chilling response of ‘He’s lying to you’ and how you saw the message from ‘J’ shortly after, but how seeing Jimin’s text convinced you everything was OK.

You told him about all the revelations you’d had this past week and how you planned to tell him everything last night, but that him coming home and acting so strange instantly set you back on edge. You explained how everything had continued to unravel throughout the day as you realized he was lying to you and avoiding you. And, finally, you recounted the awful encounter with her in the elevator which had proven to be your breaking point.

“I know I asked you to tell me, and I’m glad that you did, but it was still really hard to hear all that, '' he said quietly after you finished, the hurt deeply etched onto his face.

You could tell from the way he was nervously biting his lower lip that there was more he wanted to say, but that he was struggling to say it. After trying and failing several times to get the words out, he ultimately just closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against yours.

“You can tell me, Tae,” you gently encouraged him, despite how scared you were to hear the words that were causing him such angst. “Whatever it is, I-I want you to tell me.”

It took him another full minute to gather the courage to speak and when he did his voice was filled with such sadness that your eyes instantly filled with tears.

“I waited for you, Jagi,” he finally said. “I waited for you and then I gave myself to you because I love you with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Knowing that you allowed yourself to believe I was cheating on you makes me feel like you don’t respect that commitment that I made to you,” he then confessed.

“You know how meaningful intimacy is to me,” he went on after a few moments of heartbreaking silence. “It’s a way for me to be close to you and take care of you and show you how much I love you. Whether we’re just kissing or we're making love, it’s always special to me. It’s always something I cherish and never take for granted.”

“I know how awful Jisoo made you feel, and I know how guilty she made me look, but it still just hurts so much that you thought I could ever share that experience with someone else,” he admitted before his voice gave out and the quietest of cries left his lips.

His words cut you to the bone and rendered you absolutely speechless. You knew you had hurt him with your accusation, but the true depth of his sorrow was almost too unbearable to behold. As tears began silently streaming down your face, cold tendrils of self loathing slowly wrapped themselves around your mind. You did this. You caused this pain to the person you loved most in the whole world.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” you went on sadly, knowing your words would never be enough to convey all that you felt. “I’m sorry I believed her and didn’t trust you. I’m sorry I manipulated you to get back at her. I’m sorry I accused you of cheating. I’m sorry I messed up your proposal surprise. I’m sorry I got you in trouble with Big Hit.”

“I’m sorry I ruined everything,” you finally sobbed.

“Sweetheart, you didn’t ruin anything,” he said as he brought his hand up to cup your cheek. “I’m upset about what happened because we both got hurt, but I’m not angry at you and I certainly don’t blame you.”

“This was my fault,” he went on, sounding so unbelievably guilty. “I didn’t take care of you. I didn’t keep you safe.”

“I-I let this happen. I let her hurt you, hurt us,” he added as his voice broke.

“I never should have trusted her and put you through this in the first place,” he said regretfully, his own tears falling freely now. “She hurt us over the summer, almost ruined our relationship before it even started, and I still let her back into our lives. You told me that first night that you were afraid to trust her and tried to tell me again two weeks ago, but I didn’t listen.”

“I promised I wouldn’t let her hurt you, but I broke that promise,” he confessed quietly as he rubbed away your tears with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, Jagi,” he then whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Baby, you don’t need to apologize,” you replied guiltily, bringing your own hand up to cradle his face. “I’m the problem. You said I was strong, but I’m not. I’m broken.”

“Please don’t say that, sweetheart,” he pleaded as he took your hand in his and kissed your fingertips. “You’re not broken.”

“You were scared and overwhelmed because I put you in an awful situation,” he admitted, his voice thick with shame. “It was thoughtless of me to be keeping secrets and sneaking around while we were in the middle of this mess with Jisoo. Even if she wasn’t manipulating everything I said and did, I should have realized how hurtful it would be for me to act that way and how it might have looked.”

“But, I should have just talked to you,” you replied with a frustrated whimper, more tears now spilling out. “I should have been honest about how I was feeling all along and I should have told you when she began taunting me and I started having doubts.”

As you said those words, you collapsed back into his embrace, your head coming down to rest on his chest just over his heart. For several minutes he didn’t respond, he just held you close while he gently ran his fingers through your hair, periodically pressing little kisses to your forehead.

“Why didn’t you?” he finally asked with such sorrow in his voice that it made your heart ache. “Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you so much?”

It was the million dollar question. One you knew he would ask. One you had asked yourself countless times already over the last few hours. The most obvious answer was rather simple: you were insecure and terrible at communicating your feelings. However, as you thought back to what transpired on the roof, recalled the way Manager Sejin, and even Bang PD to some extent, had reacted to the situation, something finally dawned on you. Although you absolutely were insecure and terrible at communicating, you realized that there was another, far more complicated and rather heartbreaking reason for why you had been holding back all this time.

“Jagi, I can’t read your mind,” he then said sadly, like it was a personal failure that he did not possess this ability. “If we’re going to get married and you’re going to be my wife, you need to be able to tell me things, even things you think will be hard for me to hear.”

You knew he was right and decided it was time to tell him the full truth, even though you knew it was going to absolutely crush him. After spending several minutes in silence, nervously tracing patterns on his chest with your finger, you took a deep breath and then finally spoke.

“I don’t feel equal to you,” you confessed quietly.

“You’re Kim Taehyung, world-famous K-pop idol who is adored and respected by millions and who has all this wealth and influence and power, but I’m just... me,” you went on. “I’m just a lowly stylist that no one knows or cares about who is still paying off college loans and will never be anyone special or do anything significant.”

“You’re so successful and incredible and so many people would kill to be in my shoes that sometimes I feel like I should just be happy and grateful to be with you at all, even if it’s in a way that hurts me,” you admitted.

“And, being forced to hide and lie and keep everything a secret hurt me,” you then added, clutching his shirt tightly as fresh tears pricked at your eyes.

You took a few moments to collect yourself, taking several deep, steadying breaths. He gave you all the time you needed, affectionately rubbing your arm while he patiently waited for you to continue.

“When we came home from America I told you I wanted to tell the truth and leave Big Hit, but you convinced me to stay and keep lying. Then you made the decision to fake date Jisoo without talking to me first and just expected me to be OK with it,” you said next, your voice now beginning to tremble.

“I-I wasn’t OK with it, but I didn't know what to do. I felt trapped, Tae,” you said, pausing briefly to let that sink in and also gather yourself again. “You clearly thought it was a good idea and what was best for us so I just put on a brave face and tried to be strong for you. I didn’t want you to get in trouble. I didn’t want to make you feel guilty. I just wanted you to be safe and happy. Even once Jisoo started saying stuff and I realized you were lying to me, I was still just so afraid to confront you because I didn't want to hurt you or make you upset.”

The words were pouring out of you now and there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop them, but you didn’t want to stop them. After days and weeks and months of bottling everything up, you were suddenly desperate to let it all out.

“I didn’t tell you my feelings because they felt less important than yours,” you finally said, choking back a sob. “Because I felt less important than you.”

You hadn’t fully understood that this was how you felt until now, but the moment those words left your lips everything came into sharp focus.

“You’re the sun, Tae,” you told him, voice barely above a whisper. “You’re the sun and I am just this tiny, flickering candle.”

“Compared to you I just feel so inferior,” you then revealed as the tears began pouring out again. “Not even in terms of status or talent or wealth, but as a person. Part of it is definitely my own insecurity, but a lot of it is because that’s honestly how society views us. You are literally worth more than me - to Big Hit, to this country, to the world - and that fact has never been more painfully clear to me than tonight when Manager Sejin's first reaction to what happened was to be more concerned about your reputation than my wellbeing.”

“Up on the roof everyone was talking about me and making decisions that directly affected me, but I wasn’t even part of the conversation,” you continued dejectedly, remembering how powerless you felt at the time. “I was legitimately afraid to speak because I didn’t want to make someone upset or get you in trouble. The one time I tried to talk, I was literally told to ‘stay out of it’. I felt like my opinion and my feelings didn’t matter, so I stopped trying to share them and just stayed quiet.”  

“I know I can’t expect you to read my mind, but if we’re going to get married and you’re going to be my husband, you need to understand that because of your job and who you are I often feel like I have no voice,” you finally confessed.

Upon letting all of that out, you felt a massive weight lift off your chest, but the relief you felt was short lived when you saw the look of absolute devastation on Tae’s face. You had done exactly as he asked, told him something you knew would be hard for him to hear, and the result was just as excruciatingly painful as you feared it would be.

“Jagi, it breaks my heart that you feel this way because of me,” he said despondently, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Of course you're important and special. Of course your opinions and feelings matter,” he went on as a few drops began sliding down his cheeks.

“Y-You’re not a candle, sweetheart. You’re not even just the sun. You’re the entire universe,” he cried before he buried his face in your hair.

Every single one of his muffled sobs was like a knife in your heart and every time he said ‘I’m sorry’ the blade twisted. It killed you to know your confession had made him feel so terrible, but you kept reminding yourself that it was for the best. Keeping all that in for so long had only ended up causing more hurt to you both in the long run. The only way for things to get better was to have everything out in the open and move forward with no more secrets.

“Baby, look at me,” you said as you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head up so his gaze met yours. “You’re not the reason I feel like this. I know you don’t view me as less than you and you’ve certainly never treated me that way. Our relationship is just unique and complicated and a bit stressful sometimes. It has been challenging in ways that I wasn’t prepared for and didn’t fully understand until now, but I don’t want you to blame yourself.”

“I just need you to remember that it can be a little overwhelming and intimidating at times being with someone as famous as you,” you then said gently. “I’m going to go back to therapy so I can learn how to better deal with those feelings and also communicate them to you. I just want you to be aware that this is something I struggle with so you can help me work through it, OK?”

“OK,” he hiccupped, nodding his head in your hands. “I can do that.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” he said then softly, gazing into your eyes with a look of pure devotion. “I meant it this morning when I wrote that I want to be a better man for you. I promise I will be. I’m going to take care of you, Jagi. Now and always. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you or make you feel less than ever again. I’m going to make sure you always feel safe and respected and equal in our relationship.”

“Which is why I’m going to leave BTS,” he then stated without an ounce of hesitation in his voice.

For the second time that evening, time came to a screeching halt.

“What?” you breathed out, utterly shocked by that statement and convinced you had somehow heard him wrong.

“I’m going to leave BTS,” he repeated calmly, looking you in the eye as he spoke.

You stared back at him in stunned silence for several seconds, your eyes wide in disbelief upon realizing he had, in fact, said those words.

“Tae, no,” you protested. “Y-You can’t leave because of me, because I’m insecure and broken. I just need to get better. I need to be a better partner for you. And, I-I will be. I’m going to get help and work on myself so I can handle everything. You’re not the problem. BTS isn’t the problem. I’m the problem, but I promise I’m going to be better.”

“Sweetheart, you’re not broken and you’re not the problem,” he said, his tone unmistakably sad. “Please don’t say those things about yourself. It hurts me when you do.”

“I’m not leaving because of you, I’m leaving for you, for us,” he then added.

Your mind was absolutely spinning as you tried to comprehend what he was saying. Never in a million years did you think you would be having this conversation with him right now. This was not at all the outcome you were expecting or hoping for when you shared your feelings with him and you found yourself now regretting having said anything at all. You had clearly overwhelmed him by unloading all of that while he was already feeling stressed and guilty which was causing him to have these highly irrational thoughts.

“But, you’re…you’re still under contract for five more years,” you said back as the realization dawned on you. “You can’t just leave.”

“Actually, I can,” he replied, sounding almost nonchalant despite the gravity of his words. “I would have to pay a really big fine and give up my Big Hit stock, but I could afford it and it would be worth it.”

His calmness only made you all the more anxious. He was talking complete nonsense right now and didn’t even realize it.

“Tae, you’re upset right now and not thinking straight,” you said, trying desperately to reason with him. “It’s been an incredibly stressful night and you’ve been through so much. I know you feel guilty about what I said and are worried about what’s going to happen once I leave Big Hit, but you leaving too isn’t the answer.”

“Jagi, I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, long before all of this happened,” he revealed, his voice soft but resolute.

“You know I almost didn’t re-sign in 2018 and that I was struggling again earlier this year,” he then reminded you gently. “Everything that’s happened over the last few months, and everything you just told me now, has only reinforced the way I was already feeling.”

Upon hearing him say those words, you stopped panicking and looked at him, really looked at him, and couldn’t help but notice just how composed and confident he seemed right now.

“How have you been feeling?” you asked quietly.

“Like I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” he replied, suddenly sounding so very tired.

“I never wanted all this,” he then admitted. “I was literally going to be a farmer, which I was perfectly OK with, but then I auditioned at Big Hit essentially by accident and somehow got chosen and now here I am almost ten years later with this crazy life as a world-famous K-pop idol.”

“I don’t regret it,” he quickly added. “I love the guys and ARMY and I genuinely enjoy making music and performing. I’m grateful for our success and all the incredible opportunities I’ve been given and the fact that I can now take care of my family. And, most importantly, I’m grateful that I met you.”

The shy smile that crept onto his face as he said that last bit had your heart absolutely melting. As alarming as this conversation was, you couldn’t help but give him a bashful grin in return.

“I know things have been difficult for us at times, but the last two months have still been the happiest of my entire life. Being with you makes me feel so fulfilled and so excited and hopeful for the future. I can’t wait to marry you, my best friend and the love of my life, and raise a family together,” he confessed with such passion in his voice. “That’s what I’ve always wanted.”

“But, that’s why I need to leave,” he then said softly as his expression grew sad.

“I love BTS, but I love you more,” he admitted, gazing deeply into your eyes. “I don’t want to spend the next five years being on different schedules and hardly seeing each other, only for me to then go into the military and be away from you for another year and a half. How are we supposed to have a strong marriage and a happy family if that’s our life? How am I supposed to be a good husband and father if I’m never there?”

“I know we’ll never have a completely normal life because I’ll probably always be a public figure, but if I left BTS things would be so much easier for us,” he went on, sounding so serious and certain. “I could start acting. I’ve already gotten so many offers to be on shows and in movies. I could start working at a studio right here in Seoul. That way I wouldn’t have to travel all the time and be away from you. We could start our family right away and raise our children together as equal parents instead of you bearing so much more of the burden. I’d be there to support you and make sure you could continue pursuing your own career goals. We’d have more time to visit our parents and go on trips and do things together as a family.”

“It would be so much easier,” he repeated earnestly. “We could be so much happier.”

As terrified as you were hearing him talk like this and knowing the chaos that would ensue if he actually were to leave BTS, you could not deny how tempting all of that sounded. A life where you could actually be together the majority of the time would be so wonderful. One where there was stability and consistency, where he wouldn’t have to regularly leave for days and weeks and months on end. You believed with all your heart that Tae would be a great husband and father even if he stayed with BTS, but you knew he was right when he said things would be easier if he left.

And yet, you knew you needed to be the rational one right now. Although you believed him when he said he had been thinking about this for a while and that this wasn’t just a knee-jerk reaction, you knew that what had happened tonight and what you’d been through over the last few months was coloring his perspective. Keeping your relationship a secret had been a complicated and stressful situation, but it wasn’t indicative of what life was going to be like for you two going forward. Being apart so much would make things harder, especially once you started having kids, but not having to hide anymore would also make things easier. You were certain you two could make it work and that everything would be OK. You just needed to help Tae calm down long enough to realize this too.

“Tae, it means more to me than I can put into words that you would be willing to make a sacrifice like that for us,” you said as you leaned in and gave him a short, sweet kiss. “I can tell you have given this a lot of thought, and I admit you do make a lot of great points, but I don’t think now is the right time to make this kind of decision.”

“First things first, we need to get through everything with Jisoo. Then at some point I obviously need to meet with Bang PD and Big Hit HR. Hopefully they’ll just let me resign and not actually fire me. I think Mrs. Choi might still be willing to be a reference for me so that will help immensely in my search for a new job,” you continued.

“Can we please just wait before we make any big decisions?” you asked gently, giving him an encouraging smile. “I don’t want you to do something now that you’ll later regret. There’s no reason to rush. Let’s take our time and adjust to our new situation and see how things go.”

For several moments he didn’t respond, he just stared at you with an intent, slightly skeptical look as if searching for any hint of reluctance on your face. You just gazed back at him pleadingly, silently begging him to trust that this was truly how you felt, until eventually his features softened.

“Ok,” he finally conceded with a sigh. “We can wait and see.”

“But, if it’s not working, if we’re not happy and we feel like we’re drifting apart or you don’t feel supported and I feel like I’m missing out on things, I won’t hesitate to leave,” he then added sincerely. “You are the most precious thing in the world to me, sweetheart. I can always find another job, but I can never find another you.”

Grateful that he seemed to have backed away from the metaphorical edge, you were just about to breathe a small sigh of relief when the door to your room suddenly opened. You tensed up immediately because Tae didn’t have his mask or glasses on, but relaxed once you realized it was only Mrs. Choi.

“Sorry to disturb you, but Manager Sejin says there is a call for you, Taehyung,” she said softly as she tentatively poked her head into the room. “I believe it is Bang PD.”

“Shoot, I need to take this,” Tae said to you regretfully as he disentangled himself and stood up from the bed.

“I’ll be back soon, Jagi,” he then said before leaning down and kissing your forehead.

“Ok,” you said back with a shy smile.

He disguised himself once more and then walked out of the room, giving Mrs. Choi a quick nod as he passed by her. After he was gone, she lingered by the door for a few moments, seemingly wrestling with herself over something. She opened and closed her mouth several times before she finally spoke.

“You two make a lovely couple,” she said tenderly.

“Thank you,” you replied back, your voice catching a bit as you got ever-so-slightly choked up.

“For everything,” you then added after a moment.

“You’re welcome, dear,” she said back, giving you a genuine smile before excusing herself.

Once the door was closed, you laid back down, plopped your head onto the pillow, and gazed up at the ceiling in bewilderment. Of all the surprises tonight had brought, including your secret being revealed and Tae confessing he was both planning to propose and seriously considering leaving BTS, Mrs. Choi being supportive of your relationship might just be the most earth shattering. It was strange, but her approval actually meant a great deal to you. Over the last three years, she had probably spent more time together with you and Tae than anyone else. Her belief that you made a good couple was quite comforting and gave you so much confidence that everything would be OK.

And right now, after everything that you’d both been through and were still facing, you needed all the assurance you could get that you and Tae were going to be OK.

Five minutes later the door to your room opened again. You assumed it was Tae, back from his call with bang PD, but it was actually your doctor. As she walked in she was sporting another warm smile, but something about her was noticeably off.

“Y/N, how are you feeling?” she asked.

“I feel fine,” you answered honestly. “Not dizzy or nauseous or anything like that.”

“Good, good,” she replied easily as she made a few notes in your chart.

“So, your ECG results came back normal, but we’re going to keep you here a little longer for observation since you are a high-risk patient,” she then informed you.

“High-risk?” you questioned nervously, giving her a confused look. “What classifies me as high-risk?”

An apprehensive, slightly sheepish look flashed across her face before she uttered the absolute last words you were expecting to hear.

“That fact that you’re pregnant.”

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan  @jesus-in-the-womb  @infernal-alpaca  @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94  @taeyohonic @afiaaaa19 @nooojaaam @ lucci-girl @2oct @foodwaterbangtansonyeondan  @vantedmp @roguesthetic @ dreadity @belladaises @bangtannoonalvg

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 52 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 7.0k

warnings: a lethal amount of fluff

Chapter 52: I Carry Jagi

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

As you stared at your doctor with wide-eyes, mouth parted in absolute disbelief, your hands subconsciously came to rest on your abdomen.

“I’m pregnant?” you questioned in a small, breathy voice.

“You are,” she confirmed with a tentative smile. “Both the urine and blood tests came back positive.”

She then walked over to the bed, pulled a clear bag out of her pocket, and handed it to you. Inside was a little plastic cartridge with your name written on it. It didn’t look quite like the ones you’d buy at the pharmacy, but it was very clearly a pregnancy test.

A pregnancy test displaying a positive result.

One of the very first questions the nurse asked when she did your initial examination was if there was any chance you were pregnant. Like every other time you had been asked this question by a medical professional, you immediately and automatically replied ‘no’. She said they would still do the tests since it was standard procedure, but you truly thought nothing of it at the time. It wasn’t until she left the room that you remembered that Tae had also wondered if you might be pregnant just two days earlier, but even then you still didn’t consider it to be a legitimate possibility. You two had only been having sex for a little over a month and had used protection every single time. The idea that your protection had somehow failed and you then happened to convince during one of the first few times you had sex seemed downright preposterous.

Looking back now, you realized there were actually numerous indications that this idea was not that far-fetched. You had been convinced that the nausea and body aches and fatigue you experienced this past week were all psychosomatic symptoms of your mental distress, but you failed to note the fact that, even when your mental health was infinitely worse several years ago, it hadn’t physically manifested to anywhere near this extent. The overly-emotional state you’d recently been in was another sign you had clearly missed. Although you had always been a sensitive person, you typically internalized your feelings instead of letting them out. During the last month, though, you had shed more tears than ever before in your life, sometimes with good reason, but honestly, sometimes without.

However, upon hearing your doctor’s next question, you realized there was another, far clearer signal that you had somehow not seen amidst the chaos of the fake dating fiasco.

“Do you recall the date of your last period?” she asked gently. “That will tell us how far along you are.”

To be honest, you never really kept track of your period. It had always come pretty regularly and, at least until recently, you never had any reason to believe that would change. Racking your brain, you tried to think of the last time your life was inconvenienced by this oh-so-wonderful aspect of womanhood. With a blush, a memory suddenly came to mind: you gently stopping Tae’s hands when they began wandering during a heated make-out session and then sheepishly telling him that you had your period.

You were embarrassed because you had completely forgotten and then been the one to escalate things with your own teasing touches, but he didn’t bat an eye at your admission. Instead, he said with utter sincerity that it didn’t bother him at all and that he still wanted to make you feel good in whatever way you were comfortable with. You were so appreciative of his words, but also a bit taken aback by them, especially since your college boyfriend barely touched you when you had your period, something which always made you feel a bit ashamed.

After pressing your lips to his, you shyly suggested that the shower might be the best place for you two to continue. He gave you a small, slightly mischievous smile in response before scrambling off of the bed, scooping you up in his arms bridal style, and then carrying you to the bathroom. Under the stream of hot water, while he murmured sweet nothings and filthy praises between slow, sensual kisses, he used his long, lithe fingers to not only make you feel good, but to make you feel beautiful and perfect just the way you were.

That intimate experience had taken place in your hotel room in Los Angeles during the second half of your trip to America. You had shared similar ones in the days that followed, but none, you suddenly realized, since returning home.

“It was about six or seven weeks ago,” you admitted quietly, feeling positively mortified that you had not noticed your missed period and therefore understood its massive implications sooner.

“Many women don’t realize they are pregnant this early on, especially if they weren’t actively trying to conceive,” she replied, clearly noting your embarrassment and trying to make you feel better.

“And, based on your reaction, I’m guessing you weren’t actively trying?” she then gently offered, absolutely no hint of judgement in her voice.

“No, we weren’t,” you confessed sheepishly as your face flushed. “So this...this is a big surprise.”

Over the next ten or so minutes, your doctor shared with you a rather overwhelming amount of pregnancy-related information. She explained that this was likely one of the reasons why you fainted due to the fact that your blood pressure drops during pregnancy which can lead to dizziness and actual fainting spells in some instances. She mentioned that you needed to start taking prenatal vitamins immediately and also encouraged you to make an appointment with your OB-GYN as soon as possible. She also let you know that someone would be coming by in a little while to perform an ultrasound to check the health of the fetus.

As grateful as you were for her support and guidance, you couldn't deny that you were relieved when she finally excused herself and exited the room. You just needed a moment alone to catch your breath and begin trying to process everything. Laying back down on the bed, you took the pregnancy test out of the bag, held it up in front of you, and stared at the two tiny, pink, life-changing lines.

Pregnant.

You were pregnant.

The baby that you and Tae had somehow conceived despite always using protection was currently growing inside you, had actually been growing inside you for a month and a half, and would be born in approximately seven and a half months at which point you and Tae would become real life parents.

The thought was absolutely mind blowing.

And, given that today had already been one the most overwhelming and unpredictable days of your entire life, that was saying a lot.

An infinite number of possibilities and questions and worries began rushing through your mind, but before you had a chance to contemplate even a single one, the door suddenly opened again. You immediately stuffed the pregnancy test underneath the pillow behind you before Tae entered the room.

“I’m sorry I was gone for so long,” he said, closing the door and removing his disguise. “That was Bang PD. He wants us both to meet with him and the lawyer tomorrow morning before I meet with Jisoo later in the day. He thinks Namjoon-hyung should go with me, which I agree is probably a good idea.”

“He also thinks I should…,” he continued before he looked over at you and immediately went quiet.

You were staring at him, the father of the child you just discovered you were carrying, with big, searching eyes, your heart thrumming in your chest with nervous anticipation.

“Jagi, what’s wrong?” he asked, his voice laced with concern as he quickly came to sit down next to you on the side of the bed. “Did something happen while I was gone?”

You opened your mouth to say ‘Yes’, to tell him the news you had just received which would change both your lives forever, but the words would not come out. They were stuck there in your throat, thick and heavy, threatening to suffocate you.

“Sweetheart?” he questioned worriedly.

After trying and failing to speak for almost another full minute, you eventually decided to forgo words entirely. Instead, you reached underneath the pillow behind you and pulled out the pregnancy test. With a trembling hand, you held it out to Tae, your heart threatening to leap out of your chest as he carefully took it from you and looked down.

Witnessing the exact moment that Tae realized he was going to be a dad was a truly breathtaking experience, one that you knew would be forever etched into your memory. His initial expression was one of total shock, his eyes wide and his mouth agape, but when he looked up at you and saw you smiling shyly, it morphed into one of pure, unadulterated joy. When he gave you the biggest, brightest, boxiest smile you’d ever seen on his beautiful face, your mind cleared of all thoughts save one.

I hope our baby has his smile.

“Jagi, you’re pregnant?” he whispered, gazing at you in wonder and amazement.

You nodded your head as your smile grew.

“Our baby is right here?” he then asked as he gently placed his hand on your abdomen.

“It is,” you replied quietly, bringing your hand down beside his and carefully lacing your fingers.

He was silent for several moments as he looked once more at the pregnancy test, down at your joined hands resting on your abdomen, and finally back up at you. Bringing his free hand up to cup your cheek, he then leaned in to give you the sweetest of kisses. As his lips moved against yours, slowly and tenderly, like he was savoring every single second, his thumb gently caressed your cheek. When he finally broke this kiss and pulled back to look at you, his eyes were filled with tears.

“Sweetheart, this is the happiest moment of my entire life,” he confessed, his voice thick with emotion. “This is everything I’ve ever wanted - a family with you, my best friend, my beautiful Jagi.”

His words enveloped you like a warm, comforting embrace, one that made you feel safe and loved and cherished. As confident as you were that this was going to be his reaction, hearing him voice his feelings so passionately and sincerely meant the absolute world to you. Knowing that he wasn’t just supportive, but truly excited, allowed you to finally embrace your own feelings.

“This has been my dream for three years, Tae,” you confessed, gazing into his misty eyes, tears pooling in your own. “I love you with all my heart and I’m so excited to be starting a family with you.”

“I love you too, Jagi,” he replied, still tenderly stroking your cheek. “I love you and our baby so much. I’m going to take care of you both and be the best husband and father I can possibly be. I promise I’ll always be there for you and for our family.”

Husband

The instant that word left his lips, you froze as the cold, harsh reality of your situation came crashing down upon you, shattering the blissful state you had been in just seconds ago. While you deeply appreciated his beautiful promise for the future, it sadly did nothing to lessen the blow that he had unintentionally just dealt you. With his declaration, Tae had reminded you of a simple, but crucial fact, one whose gravity had truly not occurred to you until this very moment:

Tae wasn’t your husband, at least not yet.

And, more importantly, he wasn't your husband when your baby was conceived.

It was this sobering realization that caused the first few tears to begin sliding down your cheeks.

The sad truth was that the stigma around premarital pregnancy was still very strong. In the K-pop world specifically, where there was already so much drama regarding idol’s relationships, it was an even bigger issue. This fact was put on wide display earlier in the year when the lead vocalist from the group EXO, Chen, announced his engagement to his pregnant girlfriend. Many people in their fandom and elsewhere in the K-pop community were supportive, but a surprising number of people were not. They said terrible things about him and his fiancé, calling him selfish and reckless and accusing her of trapping him with the pregnancy. Some even went so far as to call for his immediate removal from the group.

If word ever got out that lovable, innocent BTS darling, Kim Taehyung, was having a baby out of wedlock, with his own stylist of all people, it would be a massive scandal. There was obviously so much more to the story than that, so much nuisance regarding the situation and your relationship as a whole, but all of that would surely be lost within the media frenzy. The public debate and backlash could spell the end of Tae’s career, jeopardize everything BTS has spent almost a decade building, and, worst of all, cause so much hurtful speculation about you, your relationship, and your baby.

Even if the truth was never revealed to the general public, you and Tae would certainly still face judgment. You trusted that your family, Tae’s family, and the rest of the guys would be supportive, but after that you honestly weren’t sure. It pained you to admit that many of your own relatives would no doubt find your situation to be rather shameful. Some of them were extremely conservative and believed you shouldn’t even have sex before marriage. They might never say anything directly to you, but you knew they would wonder and whisper and forever view you differently.

At Big Hit, the fallout would likely be even more extreme. Bang PD and the management team certainly weren’t going to be thrilled to learn of this scandalous surprise, especially since they were already worried Jisoo might divulge information about your relationship. Everyone else in the company would also surely have opinions on the matter. You and Tae being together was going to be enough of a controversy as it was and an unplanned pregnancy would only add more fuel to the fire. People like Eunji and Donghae might have your back, maybe even Mrs. Choi as well, but other staff members were absolutely going to gossip. You were leaving Big Hit soon, so you thankfully wouldn't have to deal with that for very long, but Tae would have to endure it for at least the next five years.

Complicating things further was the fact that many of the people in your life would not be allowed to know you were with Tae until after he left Big Hit. There weren’t hard and fast rules about who you could or couldn’t tell, but you were supposed to keep the circle of people as small as possible and everyone you told had to sign an NDA. People like distant relatives and casual friends were going to eventually find out that you were pregnant, but you wouldn’t even be able to fully explain why you had to keep your relationship with the father hidden which would only make things look that much more suspicious.

The unavoidable truth was that people were going to have questions regarding the nature of your relationship once they learned that you and Tae had gotten pregnant before you were even engaged, let alone married. Even if they someday came to accept that you were in love and happy to be raising a child together, they might always have lingering doubts about the true reason why you got married. Knowing that people might forever question the sincerity of your commitment to one another honestly just broke your heart.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Tae asked, his brow furrowing slightly as he studied your face. “Those don’t look like tears of joy.”

“Are you nervous about becoming a parent?” he offered when you didn't immediately reply. “If you are, that's perfectly OK. I’m nervous too, but it’s going to be alright. We’re going to figure everything out together. You're going to be an amazing mom. I just know it.”

“It’s n-not that,” you replied weakly, your heart melting upon hearing his sweet words of assurance.

For the second time that night, you took a deep, steadying breath and summoned the courage to tell Tae something that you knew would be extremely hard for him to hear.

“I’m afraid that people will judge us,” you whispered.

“I’m afraid that they will think you’re only marrying me because you got me pregnant”, you then admitted tearfully, glancing down at the ringless finger in your joined hands.

“That they’ll think we were just hooking up and being irresponsible and that our baby…,” you went on before your voice broke.

Looking back up at Tae, you found that the tender, loving expression he had worn since the moment you gave him the pregnancy test had vanished and in its place was one of unbearable sadness. You knew your next words would only amplify the anguish he already felt, but you just couldn’t hold them in. They were simply too great a burden to bear by yourself.

“That our baby was a mistake,” you finally confessed with a terrible sob.

Tears instantly welled up in his own eyes, but before you had a chance to see them fall he climbed onto the bed beside you and lifted you up onto his lap. Safely cradled in his arms, you began sobbing into his chest, holding absolutely nothing back as feelings of fear and sadness and guilt poured out of you. He was clearly trying to be strong for you, stroking your back soothingly and pressing endless kisses to your temple, but you could tell from the deep, shuddering breaths he took that he too was struggling to keep it together.

“T-That’s not going to happen,” he stammered out, his voice hoarse and strained, filled with such obvious pain. “I’m not going to let that happen.”

“I won’t let anyone think those awful things about us and our baby,” he then vowed as he lightly rocked you in his arms. “I won’t, Jagi. I won’t.”

“I have always wanted you to be my wife and always wanted to have a family with you,” he went on. “I’ll make sure everyone knows that.”

“I-I promise,” he added quietly, almost to himself rather than to you.

You desperately wanted to believe him, to dismiss your fears and trust that he could protect you both from this hurt, but you knew in your heart that this promise was one he could not keep. No matter what he said or did, the truth was people were going to think what they wanted to think. Some would take the time to understand and appreciate your long and complex and beautiful love story, but some unfortunately would not. Some would judge you and doubt you and accuse you and you would just have to learn how to live with that. When he said nothing more, just held you to him ever more tightly as a heartbreaking silence fell over the room, you knew he too had accepted this reality.

The two of you stayed there like that for a long time, Tae gently running his fingers through your hair while you absentmindedly traced patterns across his chest with your own. You felt incredibly guilty for ruining the joyous moment by sharing your fears, but you also knew it was for the best that you were both aware of what was likely to come. Sooner or later, people would find out about your situation and, when they did, they would inevitably begin asking questions and sharing their opinions. You two needed to be prepared for how you were going to respond and then cope with the pain that would undoubtedly be caused.

“Jagi,” Tae suddenly said to break the silence. “We can get married right away - tomorrow even, if I could meet with your dad first - but no one outside of our family and close friends needs to know that it happened after you got pregnant.”

It took you several moments to register the words he had spoken and their greater implications, but when you finally did you raised your head off of his shoulder to look at him.

“Are you…are you saying we should lie about when we got married?” you asked hesitantly.

“Sweetheart, what does being married mean to you?” he asked in reply, his tone warm and affectionate.

You were quiet for several moments while you considered his question. On the surface, marriage was a formal, legal union between two people, but its true meaning ran so much deeper than that. When you thought of marriage, the very first thing that came to mind was the one your parents had shared for twenty five years. You thought of all the ways, both big and small, that they showed their love for one another. You thought about how they wholly accepted one another, faults and all, and helped each other grow. You thought of all the compromises and sacrifices they made and how their relationship and your family was always their top priority. And, above all else, you thought of their unwavering commitment to each other right up until the very end.

“That you’re committed to spending your life with someone and to loving and supporting them no matter what,” you finally answered, your eyes shimmering from the remembrance of those sad, but beautiful memories.

“That is exactly how I feel,” he replied, wiping away your tears that had fallen. “And, in my eyes, we’ve already made that commitment.”

“We made and sealed it when I gave you this,” he then said softly as he took your hand and ran his thumb along your couple’s ring.

“This ring was a promise of marriage, sweetheart,” he confessed as he brought your hand to his lips and placed a little kiss to your ringed-finger. “A promise of forever.”

“You knew that, right?” he then asked, giving you a small, slightly bashful smile. “You knew then that I wanted to be your husband and for you to be my wife?”

As you laid there in his arms, gazing into his eyes and seeing nothing but love reflected in them, you thought back to that morning in your bedroom when he gave you the ring…

For a moment you were utterly speechless. You knew without question that it was not a coincidence that this ring matched the one he wore around his neck and the knowledge of that fact was overwhelming in the best way possible. The statement he was making by giving it to you was clear as day and had you falling impossibly deeper in love with him.

“Baby, it’s absolutely beautiful,” you said breathlessly as he gently took the ring from you and slipped it onto your finger. “Thank you so much.”

You then crawled out from under the covers and climbed onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck as he automatically snuck his around your waist. He was sporting the biggest, brightest smile, one you found yourself instantly mimicking due to the abundance of love and joy that was blooming in your chest.

“You’re beautiful,” he said shyly as he pulled you closer and brought his lips to yours for a slow, sweet kiss.

“I love you, Jagi,” he then said softly after breaking away and looking deeply into your eyes. “I know things are difficult right now, but if you’re ever feeling anxious or scared or are having doubts about anything I want you to look down at this ring and remember that I will always love you.”

At his words, happy tears instantly pooled at the corners of your eyes. He always knew just what you needed, always knew just what to say to reassure you.

“I’ll always love you, too,” you said quietly as you pressed your lips against his once more and took his hand, intertwining your fingers and bringing together the two rings you now wore to symbolize your commitment to one another.

In that moment you knew that all you needed to do was trust in him and the love you had for one another. If you did that, no matter what anyone else did or said, you two would surely be OK...

“I did,” you finally replied as a shy smile spread across your face. “As soon as I saw the purple color, I knew.”

“I was so excited because I wanted that too,” you then confessed, now beaming back at him. “More than anything.”

At the sound of your words, he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to your lips before pulling back to look at you with a soft smile and adoring eyes.

“Sweetheart, I consider that the day that our lifelong partnership truly began,” he then said sincerely. “We exchanged those rings and vowed to always love each other in our own little special commitment ceremony.”

“Tannie was the witness,” he then added cheekily. “In fact, he was the ring bearer.”

At that, you couldn't help but smile and let out a soft laugh.

“We’ve been living out that commitment since then, Jagi, and that's what's most important,” he went on, growing serious once more. “We’ve been through so much, but we haven't given up on each other or our future together. We’ve acknowledged our mistakes, apologized and offered forgiveness, and promised to work on ourselves so we can become better partners and have a stronger, healthier relationship. We’ve continued to love and support each other no matter what.”

"If anyone questions the timeline of everything we’ll say that we had a private ceremony, that you got pregnant shortly after and we couldn’t be happier about it, and that we plan to have a wedding reception next year to celebrate with our family and friends," he then continued, sounding so sure and confident. "But, the fact that we didn't legally get married on the day of that ceremony isn't anyone’s business but our own."

As you gazed up at him, taking in his soft, earnest expression and the warmth it radiated, all of the fear and doubt that had been lingering in your heart melted away. What he was proposing wasn’t about fudging dates or saving face or avoiding a scandal. It wasn’t about lying. It was about acknowledging and embracing and protecting the most important truth of all: that you and Tae were deeply in love and fully committed to each other and to spending your lives together when your baby was conceived.

You didn’t need a legal document to prove that. Anyone who thought you did didn’t understand the true meaning of marriage anyway and therefore didn’t deserve to be given an opportunity to pass judgement. You and Tae had every right to protect yourselves and your baby from those people and anyone else who might hurt you, intentionally or otherwise. If that meant not publicly disclosing the date on which you actually signed a marriage license, you were perfectly OK with that. In all honesty, that day would never feel like the true beginning of your life together anyway.

“Can we celebrate the day of our little special commitment ceremony as our anniversary?” you then asked hesitantly, looking up at him with big, pleading eyes.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” he replied, giving you an adorably shy smile.

After reaching up to brush away a loose strand of your hair, he cupped your cheek and pulled you in for the softest, sweetest, most loving kiss, one that somehow, after all this time, caused a million butterflies to begin fluttering in your chest.

“You know, you called me Tannie’s mommy for the first time when you had him bring me the ring that morning,” you reminded Tae once he finally released your lips. “I loved the way it sounded and couldn’t help but imagine you calling me that when we actually had children.”

“Mommy,” he said softly, rubbing his nose against yours. “You’re going to be a mommy very soon.”

“And, you’re going to be a daddy,” you replied back as you kissed the tip of his nose.

“I am,” he said excitedly as a giant grin spread across his face. “I can’t believe it. I’m going to be a dad. You’re going to be a mom. We’re going to have a baby!”

He bent down to give you another quick kiss before lifting you up off his lap and laying you down beside him. You assumed he was going to come lay next to you so you could cuddle, but then he scooted down towards the foot of the bed and laid by your legs instead. You were confused at first, but when he gently lifted your shirt up a little you finally realized what he was doing.

“Hi little one,” he whispered against your tummy before placing a kiss just below your belly button. “This is Daddy.”

“I can’t wait to meet you and give you all the snuggles and kisses,” he cooed. “I can’t wait to see you and Mommy together and hold you both in my arms. My sweetheart and our baby.”

“I already love you so much,” he went on. “I love you and Mommy both so much, more than anything else in the whole world.”

As you watched him pepper more kisses all over your tummy, each one punctuated with an adorably loud ‘mwah’, you thought for sure that your heart would burst. Since the day you watched Tae play peekaboo with Son Sung Deuk’s baby for ten straight minutes, you knew he would one day make a great dad, but not even that sweet interaction could have prepared you for this. It had only been twenty minutes, but dad-to-be Tae was already beyond anything you could have imagined in your wildest dreams. You truly could not have asked for a more loving, supportive, and wonderful partner to raise a child with.

“However, because I love you I feel obligated to inform you that you are our first baby and that we have absolutely no idea what we’re doing,” Tae suddenly admitted, which made you giggle. “We’re going to read all the parenting books and ask your grandparents for advice and try our very best every single day, but it might be a little rough in the beginning. It’s going to take Mommy and I a little while to become fluent in baby language so I apologize in advance for any miscommunication. Hopefully we can resolve any issues amicably over a bottle of warm milk, but if you have any major concerns you can file a formal complaint with our family’s HR manager, Tanju.”

You were cracking up now, not just because of what he said, but how he said it. He sounded so serious and professional and wore a completely straight face. It was honestly as if he was in some super important business meeting brokering a huge deal.

“Being the first baby will have its perks, though,” he went on, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he spoke. “We’ll love you longest out of all of our children so you can rub that in your future sibling’s faces if they’re ever mean to you. You’re going to be the first grandchild on either side too, so you know you’re going to get extra spoiled because of that. And, you’re also going to be the first BTS baby which is quite the honor. Everyone thought Joon-hyung and Aera or Jin-hyung and Yuri would be first, but Mommy and I swooped in and beat everyone. We honestly weren’t even trying to win the race, but our baby-making skills were apparently just that good.”

At this point, you were laughing so hard that you could barely breathe. How he had managed to come up with all of that off the top of his head was simply beyond you. Of all the reasons why you loved Tae, of which there were many, his imagination and sense of humor were two of the biggest. It was moments like these that made you realize just how lucky you were to be in love with your best friend. With him by your side, you knew there would never be a dull moment as long as you lived.

“Basically, what I’m trying to say is that Mommy and I are awesome, we love you so much, and everything is going to be alright,” he then said, his stoic expression finally slipping as he cracked a smile. “We can’t wait to meet you in a couple months and introduce you to everyone, but until then you just focus on growing big and strong and maybe trying not to make Mommy too sick if you can help it.”

After whispering one more ‘I love you’ and giving your stomach a final kiss, Tae crawled back up to lay beside you. As he wound his arms around you and pulled you close, you nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck. Laying there together like that, you felt truly and completely at peace.

“I’m going to tell you something, but you have to promise not to make fun of me,” Tae suddenly said a few minutes later, sounding rather serious.

“OK, I promise I won’t,” you replied back, lifting your head to glance at him.

He was quiet for a few moments, his hands nervously fidgeting at your sides as he looked anywhere but at you.

“I already have a list of like thirty potential baby names,” he finally admitted with a sheepish smile.

“You do?” you whispered, giving him major heart-eyes as a big, dopey grin spread across your face.

“I do,” he confirmed, blushing wildly as he grabbed his phone from the bedside table where it had been charging. “I randomly thought of some a few months ago and wrote them down so I wouldn’t forget. Since then I’ve been adding to the list whenever I think of another one.”

He navigated to his ‘Notes’ app, clicked on one plainly titled ‘Names’, and then handed his phone over to you. There were a bunch of names on the screen in front of you for both boys and girls, but it was the first one on the list that immediately drew your attention.

“Jimin is the first name you thought of?” you asked before you burst out laughing.

“It wasn’t the first one,” he defended with a pout. “I just put it at the top of the list when I added it.”

“He says we have to name one of our kids after him so he can nickname them ‘Mini-Min’,” Tae then told you with a silly smile.

“Jimin would request that we name a kid after him,” you said back, rolling your eyes teasingly.

“What if we name one Taemin?” you offered a moment later. “That way they’ll be sort of named after you, but can still have the nickname ‘Mini-min’.”

“That could be a good compromise,” he replied, nodding his head in agreement. “I’ll add it to the list and run it by Jimin.”

For the next half hour you sat there together in your hospital bed, him leaning against the wall with you between his legs, snuggled against his chest. With one hand he held you safely to him, his fingers rubbing back and forth in a gentle, soothing way across your tummy underneath your shirt. With his other hand he held his phone up in front of you both while he scrolled through endless lists of names as well as numerous articles about pregnancy and babies and parenthood. It was all a bit surreal, and a little overwhelming too, to be honest, but knowing that you would be tackling everything together comforted you and made you far more excited than you were nervous.

When the ultrasound technician arrived a short while later, Tae quickly put his disguise back on which honestly made you a bit emotional. Even if the ultrasound was only going to show fuzzy black and white images of a little bean, it was still your little bean that you would be seeing for the first time. He was going to be wearing the biggest smile, you just knew it, and it broke your heart a tiny bit to know that you wouldn’t get to see it. However, you understood that he needed to be careful, not just for his sake or your sake anymore, but for the sake of your baby.

The technician was incredibly friendly and thankfully didn’t make any sort of fuss over the fact that Tae was clearly wearing a disguise. She talked to you both normally, carefully explaining what she was going to be doing and answering any questions that either of you had before she got started. From how nervous yet excited you both were, she correctly guessed that this was your first baby and then assured you that everything you were feeling right now was completely normal.

Tae held your hand the whole time she prepped you, periodically giving it little squeezes while his thumb softly stroked yours. When it was just about time to begin, he brought your hand up to his lips and gave it a little kiss through his facemask. As your joined hands then came to rest on the bed beside you, the technician began reaching over to grab the ultrasound transducer before suddenly stopping and turning back to face you both.

“You can take your disguise off if you’d like, Mr. Kim,” she said quietly, giving Tae a small, hesitant smile. “I promise I’m not going to tell anyone that you and your partner are expecting...or that you’re in a relationship to begin with.”

“For starters, it would be medically unethical, but, regardless, I would never betray your trust or violate your privacy like that. I respect you and the rest of the members too much to ever do such a thing,” she then said, her tone unmistakably sincere.

As your mouth dropped open, you looked over at Tae to find that his eyebrows had shot up above his sunglasses in obvious surprise.

“How did you…,” he began, his grip on your hand tightening as he spoke.

“Your voice,” she confessed shyly. “And your bracelets...and the fact that your sunglasses are Gucci.”

“I’m sorry if it's weird that I recognized you and I’m sorry if I’m being too forward,” she then quickly added. “It’s just...you shouldn’t have to hide right now.”

“Yes, you are ‘V’, the K-pop idol for BTS, but you are, first and foremost, Kim Taehyung, the person,” she went on passionately. “You deserve to enjoy this experience openly and proudly like every other expecting father. The two of you make such a cute couple and I can tell that you love each other so much. You should be able to share this special moment together without anything taking away from it.”

For perhaps the hundredth time that evening, tears welled up in your eyes, only these ones were decidedly happy. Her little speech was wonderful and adorable and everything you wanted and needed to hear. It was like she had read your mind and vocalized all of the thoughts she found swirling in there. You could tell from how sincerely she had spoken that she was suggesting this not just so she could catch a glimpse of Tae, but because she truly cared. Even though you had only known her for ten minutes, and even though Tae technically wasn’t supposed to reveal himself to anyone, you felt in your heart that you could trust her. So, when Tae turned towards you, silently asking for your thoughts, you nodded your head.

“What’s your name?” he asked as he turned back to face her.

“Chaewon,” she replied, now looking slightly nervous.

“Thank you, Chaewon,” he then said as he removed his mask, sunglasses, and hood. “Thank you for the kindness and respect you’ve shown us. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”

“Yes, thank you so much,” you added, giving her an appreciative smile.

“You’re welcome,” she replied politely. “But, I’m really just doing my job.”

“As a medical professional and as an ARMY,” she then added with a little grin.

Tae gave her a big, boxy smile in return before turning back to look at you. He leaned down and gave you a kiss, told you again that he loved you so much, and then took your hand once more.

“OK,” he said, barely able to contain his excitement. “We’re ready to see our baby.”

~~~

It was almost 2:00 AM when the Big Hit company driver pulled up in front of the apartment complex. The trip home from the hospital had only taken twenty minutes, but that had apparently still been long enough for you to fall into a deep sleep. By the time you had fully woken up, you weren’t even in the car anymore, you were in Tae’s arms and he was already walking into the lobby.

“Tae,” you mumbled sleepily. “I can walk.”

“Nope,” he quickly replied. “Not allowed.”

“Jagi carries baby, I carry Jagi,” he then stated proudly.

Smiling to yourself at how unbelievably adorable he was, you didn’t protest again and instead just burrowed deeper into his warm, loving embrace, your hand resting over the front pocket of his shirt where the sonogram printout was safely tucked. You and Tae had both cried during the ultrasound, softly when the first image came up on the monitor, but in earnest when you saw your baby’s heartbeat. It was, without a doubt, the most incredible experience of your life. As he whisked you past the garden of beautiful purple flowers, humming happily to himself while he pressed little kisses to the top of your head, you felt more certain than ever that everything wouldn’t just be alright, it would be wonderful.

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan  @jesus-in-the-womb  @infernal-alpaca  @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94  @taeyohonic @afiaaaa19 @nooojaaam @ lucci-girl @2oct @foodwaterbangtansonyeondan  @vantedmp @roguesthetic @ dreadity @belladaises @bangtannoonalvg  @chickennoonasoup

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 53 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 7.0k

warnings: cursing, smut, blackmail

Chapter 53: Too Goo To Be True - Part 1

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

You woke to the feeling of soft lips lightly brushing against yours and the sound of even softer words whispered into the stillness of the morning.

Wake up, sleeping beauty.

I’ve just given you a true love’s kiss.

With all your might you tried not to react, tried to feign sleep in the hopes that Tae would continue spoiling you with tender kisses and sweet words as he attempted to rouse you, but you simply could not stop a tiny smile from spreading across your face.

“At last,” he then whispered excitedly. “She has awoken from her endless slumber.”

At that, your smile widened. This silly, sweet side of Tae was just so endearing. You’d been awake for less than a minute and already he had you swooning, your heart threatening to burst due to cuteness overload.

“Are you my Prince Charming?” you asked shyly, your eyes still closed as you snuggled against his bare chest.

“Yes,” he replied happily, smiling into the kiss he then pressed to your forehead. “And, you are my beautiful princess.”

You were smiling from ear to ear now, completely smitten with the man in whose arms you laid. Tae had this incredible ability to take any moment, however brief or ordinary, and make it feel special and memorable, truly magical. Being with him was honestly like living in a fairy tale, one that you had feared for so long was too good to be true, but now trusted and believed with all your heart was real.

After laying there for a few more minutes, basking in the warmth of both his love and his embrace, you finally opened your eyes and pulled back to find him gazing at you with a soft, intent expression. As he brushed away a wisp of your hair and then cradled your face in his hand, you felt that familiar fluttering in your chest. Yesterday he had said you were the most precious thing in the world to him and right now, with how lovingly he was looking at you and how tenderly he was holding you, you truly felt like you were.

“What are you thinking about?” you asked a moment later, having grown a bit shy under his gaze.

He didn’t respond right away and instead took his thumb and lightly ran it along your lower lip. As he did, a tiny shiver went up your spine as the atmosphere in the room shifted ever so slightly. The love was still clearly there in his eyes, but it was now accompanied by an unmistakable glint of lust.

“Last night,” he finally confessed, his sultry voice shooting right through you. “And how much I loved being with you like that.”

“Being so close to you,” he went on, your breath hitching as he leaned in and tilted your chin up with his finger. “Feeling all of you.”

“It was incredible,” he then murmured, his lips just a breath away from yours.

“It was,” you agreed quietly, feeling dizzy and lightheaded, utterly intoxicated by him.

The next thing you knew, he had closed the distance between you and captured your lips in a deep, sensual kiss that had memories from last night instantly flooding back to you.  

How it began with an innocent goodnight kiss that lingered on and on before eventually turning messy and desperate. The way his lips caressed the sensitive skin of your neck while he teased his fingers along the waistband of your shorts. The rush you felt when he whispered in your ear that he missed being inside you and hearing your pretty sounds and feeling you come around him. How he slowly removed your clothes and then licked and bit his lips as his gaze shamelessly roamed over you. The searing hot kisses he trailed all the way down your body, how he softly sucked and nipped as he went, and all the sinfully sweet words he murmured against your skin.

Want to take care of you

Make my sweetheart feel so good

Worship your beautiful body that’s carrying our baby

Show you just how much I love you, Jagi

How he then used his mouth to express that love, but didn’t use words. His insatiable hunger as he pleasured you until your body was trembling and your mind was devoid of all thoughts except him. Breathlessly telling him that you wanted and needed him. Him reaching over to the nightstand out of habit. You reminding him that you didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant when you were already pregnant. The adorably sheepish grin he then gave you. The passionate kiss you shared as he laid his body down on yours.

Making love without anything between you for the first time. How it felt so much more intimate and meaningful, every sensation heightened and the pleasure beyond anything you’d ever experienced before. The way he held you so close and gazed into your eyes as he slowly and deeply thrust into you. The physical and emotional bliss of coming together. How truly whole you felt afterwards, sharing languid kisses and confessing your love over and over again while your bodies remained intimately intertwined.

~~~

An hour later you were in the kitchen savoring the one cup of coffee you were now allowed to have every day and waiting for Tae to finish showering so you could hop in. He had pleaded for you to join him, promising with puppy dog eyes that he would be on his best behavior and that you two would only clean each other, but you knew better than to believe that. Even after last night’s three rounds and this morning’s two, it was clear that neither of you were satiated. His appetite was particularly ravenous, having admitted last night that you being pregnant with his child was something he found extremely sexy. If you had gotten in the shower with him just now he surely would have misbehaved, you obviously would have had to punish him, and you two definitely would have then missed the meeting with Bang PD and the lawyer that you needed to be at in forty-five minutes.

As you stood there leaning against the kitchen counter, mug in hand, your mind began wandering to all the questions that needed to be answered and decisions that needed to be made. If Jisoo would actually try to blackmail Tae and what would happen if she did. How to tell your families and close friends about the pregnancy. If they would be as supportive as you hoped. When to get legally married and when to have the wedding reception. How to begin telling other people about your relationship with Tae. If they would believe that your marriage was genuine and that your baby was truly wanted. What jobs you would apply for once you left Big Hit. When and if you would go back to work after you gave birth. If you would be a good mother.

However, there was one thought that weighed more heavily on your mind than all the rest combined: whether or not Tae would actually remain in BTS. Last night after your ultrasound, while you were laying with him and waiting to be released, you fell asleep for a little bit. When you woke up you found him on his phone scrolling through his contract. He said he was just glancing at it, but you knew there was more to it than that.

He had reluctantly agreed when you told him that you still wanted to wait before you made any decisions, but in the hours since then your own feelings had become muddled. As adamant as you had been back at the hospital that you two could make it work once you left Big Hit, you couldn’t deny the anxiety you now felt when you imagined what life was going to be like moving forward. You thought you were going to have time to adjust and gradually settle into your new routine, but that notion had gone out the window the moment you saw those two pink lines.

The truth was, you being pregnant changed everything. So many new and exciting, but also stressful things were about to happen and you honestly didn’t know if you could handle them all without Tae by your side. Given how inseparable you’d been for the last three years, the idea of being apart for even a little while made your heart legitimately ache. The hectic and unpredictable nature of his regular schedule would be hard enough to deal with, but sadly there would be a far greater challenge awaiting you both if he chose not to give up his idol life.

After not touring at all this year, BTS was set to embark on a massive world tour next year. Once they kicked things off in February with several shows in South Korea, they would spend almost two months in North America and then a month in Europe. At the end of May they would come home for Festa and Muster which would last most of June. They would then spend the rest of the summer touring Japan and Southeast Asia before the tour concluded with a big three-day finale back in Seoul at the end of September. Other than a couple weekends off here and there, and a two week break in mid-summer, they would be going nonstop for almost eight months.

And, you would be giving birth right in the middle of it all.

Putting down your suddenly tasteless coffee, you dropped your head into your hands and let out a long, frustrated sigh. The truth was undeniable: if Tae was considering leaving BTS before, he was surely now convinced that it was what he needed to do. There was just no way he was going to want to be away from you while you were pregnant, let alone once the baby was born.

This realization caused a flurry of conflicting emotions to well up inside you. You wanted more than anything to have him with you, to share all of the experiences of pregnancy and new parenthood together, but wanting that made you feel so guilty. To be with you he would need to make an enormous sacrifice, one that would undoubtedly cause confusion and hardship and heartbreak for so many people. Even if he said it's what he wanted, even if it was what was best for your family and relationship in the long run, allowing him to do it still just felt so selfish. Tae offered so much to the world as a member of BTS, so much love and joy and positivity, and also received so much in return.

Could you really allow him to give all that up?

The answer to that question was elusive, but just as you began to chase it around your mind, you heard a knock on the apartment door. It was soft, so soft that you thought for a moment that you had imagined the sound, but when you heard it again a few moments later, you realized that it was most definitely real.

As you walked down the hallway towards the foyer, you decided your visitor must be one of the guys. Tae had texted their group chat late last night and told them that you fainted while at Big Hit and were taken to the hospital, but that you were discharged and were doing alright. He mentioned that the situation involved Jisoo, and also let them know that Bang PD and several others now knew about your relationship, but didn’t go into much more detail since he wanted to talk to them about everything in person. He said nothing about the pregnancy, though, partly because it wasn’t something to be shared over text, but also because it was still a little early to tell people.

All of the guys had responded with concern and well-wishes and both Jimin and Namjoon had texted back separately asking if there was anything that the two of you needed. It honestly wouldn’t have surprised you at all if one of them decided to pop over just in case to make sure that everything truly was alright. However, after undoing the deadbolt and lock, you opened the door and were brought face to face with the absolute last person you were expecting.

Jisoo

The fact that she was standing in front of you was surprising enough, but it was the state of her appearance that was most shocking. In the year and a half that you had known her, you had never seen her look so unkempt. She was completely bare faced, having not even bothered to hide the dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was undone, piled in a messy heap atop her head. Her clothes were plain, a bit grungy, even: black leggings with scuffed white sneakers and a blue crew neck sweatshirt that was clearly distressed not by design, but by years of wear and tear. The color was faded and bleached in some spots, the ends of the sleeves frayed and covered with black smudges you had a sneaking suspicion were mascara. Her eyes were red and puffy, the unmistakable aftermath of fallen tears, and wide with fear and anticipation.

The sight before you was disarming, automatically eliciting emotions you never thought you could feel for the woman who stood before you. She looked broken, a mere shell of a human, and no matter how hard you tried to fight them, genuine feelings of concern and sympathy flickered inside you. Despite everything she had said and done to you and Tae, despite how much she had hurt you both, you simply could not find it within yourself to take pleasure in her own obvious pain.

The two of you spent what felt like hours staring at each other in complete silence. As you watched her gaze briefly travel over you, and saw it linger on all the skin exposed by Tae’s loose-fitting V-neck tee shirt, the irony of the situation sank in. You were the one now covered in marks, ones that had obviously been given to you by the man whose clothes you were wearing, the man that you still shared a home with and were clearly still dating. The dramatic reversal of your roles should have given you at least a small amount of satisfaction, but it didn’t. Instead, it caused a pit to form in the bottom of your stomach.

“I-I’m glad you’re still here,” she finally said, sounding slightly relieved, somewhat surprised, but mostly nervous.

“I was hoping to speak with you and Tae,” she went on, barely able to meet your eye.

Struggling to comprehend not only the words she was saying, but the entire situation, you continued gaping at her in disbelief. She wasn’t supposed to be here right now. She wasn’t supposed to have been the one to reach out. You and Tae hadn’t met with Bang PD and the lawyer yet. You hadn’t made a plan for how to handle everything. Namjoon wasn’t here and the conversation wasn’t being recorded. It was all wrong. The whole situation was all wrong.

And yet, something inside you was telling you that you should hear what she had to say.

Wordlessly, you stepped aside and ushered her through the door. After closing it, you turned and walked with her down the hallway towards the kitchen. When you got there, you gestured for her to take a seat at the island counter.

“I’m going to go get Tae,” you said after a moment of debating whether or not it was OK to leave her alone in the apartment. “Just...wait here.”

She nodded in reply and you turned to leave the room, but before you could even take a step, Tae’s voice rang out from within the apartment.

“Jagi, I had a thought in the shower,” he called from down the hall. “If we turn the office into the baby’s room, should we move our bedroom into the room next to it? I’m worried about it taking too long to get all the way across the apartment if the baby needs us in the middle of the night.”

You froze, your heart absolutely plummeting in your chest, as you realized what Tae had just inadvertently revealed to Jisoo. He had only been in the shower for a few minutes when she knocked and you thought for sure he would still be in there now. Obviously, though, you were wrong and now your precious secret was out.

“I'm also worried about not being able to hear when something is wrong,” he added, now sounding like he was getting closer. “I know we’ll have a baby monitor, but what if it doesn’t work for some reason? What if our baby spends the whole night crying all alone while we’re asleep? Just thinking about that makes me want to cry.”

“We definitely need to-,” he then began before abruptly stopping when he turned the corner and saw Jisoo.

For a few seconds he just stood there in stunned silence, staring at her with wide eyes, but as soon as he snapped out of it he was at your side, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to his chest in a protective embrace. You couldn’t see his face, but from the terrified look on Jisoo’s you knew he was giving her his most intimidating death glare.

“What are you doing here?” he spat, his voice cold and sharp as ice.

She flinched, physically recoiling from his verbal assault, but her gaze remained fixed on you.

“You’re pregnant?” she whispered.

Your first instinct was to deny it, but you realized a second later that it was pointless. There was honestly no other explanation for what she had just heard Tae say.

“I am,” you admitted sheepishly. “We found out last night after I went to the hospital.”

“You went to the hospital?” she breathed out, her eyes wide in shock.

“I fainted after Tae told me the truth about his grandmother’s ring,” you said hesitantly, Tae hugging you tighter as you spoke. “I hadn’t eaten in a while and my blood pressure was already low because I’m pregnant. When I got really overwhelmed my body just shut down.”

You truly hadn’t said that to guilt her, you’d just wanted to explain the situation, but the way her face somehow fell ever further upon hearing them made it crystal clear that the weight of your words was absolutely crushing. Against all reason, you felt your heart clench at the sight.

“Jisoo, why are you here?” Tae asked again, his tone now even more threatening.

She took a few moments before answering, looking down at the floor and taking a deep breath as she clearly tried to compose herself.

“I came to apologize,” she finally said, looking up at the two of you. “And to explain.”

Tae said nothing in reply, just stared back at her, his gaze piercing and his jaw tightly set. He was clearly skeptical of her intentions which was absolutely warranted given everything she had done. Your own reservations were swirling around inside you, but there too was that same voice from before, urging you to listen.

“I think you know already that what I said last night wasn’t the truth,” she began quietly, guilt written all over her face. “But, I just want to make it absolutely clear that nothing inappropriate ever happened between Tae and I.”

“It was so wrong of me to make it seem like something had,” she continued as her voice started to tremble. “I-I’m truly ashamed that I did that.”

“I’m so sorry,” she then confessed as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry for all of the terrible things I did and said. I’m sorry for lying and manipulating you and trying to come between you. I’m sorry for everything. If I could go back and undo it all, I would. I’m not asking for forgiveness because I know I don’t deserve it, but I just…I just need you to know that I’m so sorry.”

For the longest time, the room was dead silent save for the faint ticking from the clock on the nearby wall. Your head was swimming with an infinite number of indecipherable thoughts. To be honest, you hadn’t expected to ever receive an apology from Jisoo. She had acted so deliberately and with such calculated malice that it seemed unfathomable for her to actually feel guilt or remorse. The fact that she did, and had just expressed those feelings to you with what sounded to be true sincerity, left you completely at a loss.

“Why?” was all Tae finally said, his tone harsh and demanding. “Why did you do this to us?”

“I-I…It just…I was…,” she stammered before her voice trailed off and a few tears began trickling out.

“I trusted you,” he went on, his voice rising in frustration. “I trusted you and you betrayed me. You ruined what was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life. You jeopardized my entire future, everything I’ve spent years waiting and hoping for. You hurt me deeply, more than anyone else ever has and probably ever will, but far worse than that, you hurt Y/N. You hurt her and tried to drive her away, knowing how much I love her and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”  

“Why would you be so cruel?” he then shouted, now shaking with rage. “Why would you be so fucking selfish?”

At the sound of his words, something inside Jisoo seemed to snap. In an instant, the sad, shameful look she had worn since the moment you first laid eyes on her vanished and gave way to one of seething anger.

“Because someone was blackmailing me!” she yelled back at him.

“Someone who knew about your relationship was threatening me,” she continued, an unmistakable hint of fear now mixed in with her anger. “And I-I just panicked.”

Of all the reasons she could have given, that was the absolute last one you ever would have expected. As you and Tae wordlessly stood there, both of you too shocked to even attempt to respond, she pulled out her phone and navigated to her text messages. After scrolling for what felt like an eternity, she finally set her phone down on the counter and turned it around so you could see.

There on the screen was a photo of a beach with a beautiful sunset. On that beach, standing a couple feet into the water, was a man holding a barefoot woman in his arms. She was snuggled up against him, her head on his shoulder and arms wrapped around his neck, and his lips were pressed to her temple in a kiss.

The scene was so tender and intimate and romantic.

And so heart-stoppingly familiar.

You gasped, your hand flying up to cover your mouth, as Tae stiffened beside you, his grip on your waist tightening like a vice. The evidence was right there in front of you, clear as day, and yet you simply could not believe it. Your magical moment on the beach with Tae, the one that changed your life forever, had been secretly witnessed and photographed by someone.

As she swiped through several more photos, you saw Tae turning around and carrying you across the sand back towards the road. The quality of the photos was shockingly good and you could clearly tell it was him in most of them. Having nuzzled into his neck because you were feeling shy and nervous, your face was hidden in all of the photos except for the last. In that one, Tae had just reached the road and you had finally pulled back to look at him. It wasn’t the best angle, but anyone who knew you would be able to recognize you in a heartbeat.

“I was sent these photos one night three weeks ago by a random number,” Jisoo said to break the silence.

“It took me a few minutes to realize they had been taken at the Itaewon Class photoshoot,” she went on, her voice hushed and shaky. “As you know, I wasn’t there, but I remembered you saying that it took place at the beach and that Y/N went with you.”

“I was confused and nervous as to why someone was sending them to me,” she admitted, sounding genuinely fearful. “But, before I could reply, more messages came flooding in.”

The photos she showed you next were infinitely more disturbing than the ones from the beach and had you clutching Tae’s shirt in absolute horror. You and Tae loading things into your car outside of your old apartment. You and Tannie playing in what was supposed to be the private courtyard of the apartment complex. You driving through the gate and into the parking garage underneath the building. You walking out of the front doors of the Big Hit building. You shopping at the grocery store while wearing Tae’s gray sweatshirt. There were a bunch more of you out and about around Seoul, all of them taken at what appeared to be frighteningly close range, and then came the text messages.

[Unknown 8:44 PM] Who is this woman?

[Unknown 8:46 PM] She shouldn’t be touching Tae.

[Unknown 8:47 PM] She shouldn’t be in his home or playing with Tannie or wearing his clothes.

The next set of photos were no longer of you and Tae, but of Jisoo and Tae. They clearly weren’t taken by the sender and instead seemed to have been gathered from the internet. Most of them showed their interactions at various events they’d both attended, like her kissing him on the cheek at last year’s Golden Disc Awards. There were also a number of screenshots from the Instagram Lives they did over the summer when they were recording the song. A couple of them were even fan edits, ones you had previously seen circulated on Twitter by delusional TaeSoo shippers.

[Unknown 9:15 PM] Are you mad that he left you for her?

[Unknown 9:16 PM] You should be.

[Unknown 9:16 PM] She doesn’t deserve him.

[Unknown 9:17 PM] You don’t deserve him either.

[Unknown 9:20 PM] No one does.

“By this point, I was already so creeped out,” Jisoo said, sounding truly frightened. “This person was obviously a crazy sasaeng fan who was obsessed with Tae and had been stalking you both for months. I don’t think they knew about the fake dating cover, but they clearly thought Tae and I were actually dating at some point and figured out that you and him were currently together.”

“They were following you everywhere you went, Y/N,” she added as she looked at you with wide, terrified eyes. “Everywhere.”

You shuddered, the hairs on the back of your neck rising up as your stomach dropped. Someone had been following you and watching you and photographing you for months and you’d had absolutely no idea. As a tidal wave of fear and disgust and dread crashed over you, Tae drew you even closer, holding you in the tightest, most protective embrace as he pressed his cheek to your temple.

“I was going to tell you,” Jisoo then said, her voice laden with regret as fresh tears pooled in her eyes. “I was going to tell you so you could alert the police and get the Bit Hit security team involved. I was, I promise.”

“But, then they sent this,” she all but whispered as she scrolled down to reveal another set of messages and photos.

[Unknown 10:20 PM] She can’t be with him anymore.

[Unknown 10:22 PM] Make her go away.

[Unknown 10:23 PM] Do it or else.

Below those distressing, threatening messages was a photo of a girl sitting at a café, a drink in one hand, her phone in the other. She looked to be a bit younger than you, the presence of a backpack on the chair beside her indicating she was likely still in school. She had big, almond eyes, pink heart-shaped lips, and long, dark brown hair that cascaded down her back in gentle waves. Her beauty was striking. It was the kind you couldn’t help but notice and admire. The kind you would remember and recognize again if you ever saw it. The kind, you then realized, that was standing right in front of you.

“Jisoo, who is that?” you asked quietly.

Watching as the anguish spread across her face and her lower lip began to quiver, tears pricked at your own eyes as you realized you already knew the answer to that question.

“It’s my little sister, Hyejin,” she cried before a terrible sob tore through her and she completely lost it.

Without even thinking, you slipped out of Tae’s hold, strode over to Jisoo, and gathered her in your arms. She melted into your embrace instantly, burying her face in your shoulder as she began sobbing uncontrollably. As you stroked her back and whispered comforting words, you watched as Tae started swiping through more photos.

They were just like the ones of you, candid and invasive and wholly unsettling. Hyejin shopping at the mall. Walking down the sidewalk. At a restaurant with friends. In her car at a gas station. Through the window in what appeared to be a dorm room. There were just so many photos and below them were more threats, each one more frightening than the last. At some point Jisoo responded, at first refusing to get involved, but eventually conceding once it was clear the sasaeng fan could not be reasoned with.

Beside you, Tae looked stricken, his face drained of all color as he stared down at Jisoo’s phone. He hadn’t said a word, but you knew exactly what was going through his mind. Family was everything to Tae; he loved and protected his fiercely. He went to extraordinary measures to keep them hidden and allow them to live safe, normal lives. It broke his heart that he often couldn’t be there with them, that he had to miss things like his brother’s baseball games and sister’s dance recitals, but he had no other choice. The risk of him being recognized and his family being exposed was just too great. If anything ever happened to them because of him, he would never forgive himself.

“I don’t know how this happened,” Jisoo sobbed into your shoulder, almost incoherently. “I’ve always been so careful. I’ve never posted photos of her. I’ve never gone out in public with her. I’ve never shared any of her personal information. I've been an idol for six years and no one has ever found her before now.”

“Hyejin is only seventeen,” she went on despondently. “It’s my job to take care of her and keep her safe, but I didn’t do that. She’s in danger and it’s my fault. All of this is my fault.”

With every word she spoke, your heart broke a little more. From the conversations he’d had with Jisoo over the last few months, Tae had gathered that she didn’t have the best home life while growing up. After her parents went through a bitter divorce when she was very young, she and Hyejin ended up living with their father. He never remarried, but their mother did and then moved far away not long after. From that point forward, Jisoo became somewhat of a mother figure to her younger sister, doing everything she could to help raise the young girl and also protect her from their father who unfortunately was not always the kindest man.

After joining the drama club simply to get out of the house, Jisoo quickly discovered that she had both a talent and passion for performing. With encouragement from her performing arts teacher, she eventually auditioned with YG entertainment when she was sixteen and was accepted as a trainee. Becoming a trainee allowed Jisoo to escape, but it also meant leaving her sister behind which made her feel unbearably guilty. Despite her hectic schedule as a trainee and eventual idol, Jisoo visited home as much as possible to continue taking care of Hyejin and, as soon as could afford it, arranged to have her enrolled in a private boarding school just outside of Seoul.

It was rare for Jisoo to step out of her cold, hard idol persona, even when she was alone with Tae, but when she’d spoken of her sister he had noted an undeniable warmth and tenderness. Though she often tried to play it off, it was clear to him that she absolutely adored the girl and would do anything for her. In what you now realized was the most ironic and heartbreaking turn of events, it had actually been Jisoo’s quiet, but unwavering love for her sister that ultimately convinced Tae that she could be trusted to safeguard your love.

“I’m so sorry,” Jisoo said again, finally lifting her head to look at you. “I know I shouldn’t have given in, but I was just so scared. I didn’t know what to do. They knew so much about her and were threatening such terrible things. I was so afraid of what would happen if I asked for help. I just panicked.”

“I just wanted them to stop,” she added softly, looking and sounding so terribly distraught. “I just wanted them to leave my little sister alone.”

As you watched tears once again well up her eyes, and felt your heart ripping apart, you were struck with a truly devastating realization: the sasaeng fan targeted Jisoo as a way to get to you. Had they been able to discover your identity, it wouldn’t have been Hyejin being threatened, it would have been Jia and Nari. A gut-wrenching mixture of relief and guilt immediately welled up inside you. What would you have done if that had happened? What would you have done if someone threatened the people you loved most in the entire world?

The answer was immediate: you would have done anything to protect them.

“I know,” you told her as the first few tears began spilling down your own cheeks. “I know and I understand. I have two sisters and I love them more than life itself. I can’t even imagine how scared you must have been.”

“I’m so sorry that they did this to you because of me,” you went on, now crying in earnest. “I’m sorry and I forgive you.”

“I forgive you too,” Tae added softly as he wrapped an arm around you and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“We’re not going to let this person hurt you or your sister,” he then vowed. “We’ll figure this out together, I promise.”

~~~

Jisoo accompanied you and Tae to your meeting with Bang PD and the Big Hit lawyer. With your support, she told them everything she’d shared with you, showing them the messages and photos and explaining what had happened. Bang PD was extremely concerned about the breach in security and quite disappointed that she hadn’t come forward sooner, but mostly he was upset that you’d all gone through such an awful experience.

He and the lawyer spent the next few hours explaining what would happen moving forward. Sadly, it was nothing new for one of their idols to be threatened and blackmailed, though they did acknowledge that this was a particularly messy situation. The authorities would be contacted immediately to help track down the person who had contacted Jisoo and bring charges against them. In the meantime, security would be heightened for you, Tae, and Jisoo as well as Hyejin.

Given that this person had been holding onto these photos for months, the lawyer was fairly confident that they had no actual intentions of releasing them. Usually when someone had compromising photos or information they wanted one of two things: money or attention. Money was clearly not the motivator in this situation; this person could have made a fortune by selling the photos of you and Tae, but had chosen not to. As long as ‘Jisoo’, aka the police using Jisoo’s phone, kept contacting them, they would be happy and cooperative, ideally long enough to be found.

When it was time for Jisoo and the lawyer to leave and go to the police station, you got up to give her a hug goodbye. She instantly returned it and then asked if the two of you could talk real in the hallway. Once the door closed she apologized again, not for what had transpired over the last three weeks, but for everything that had happened over the last year and a half. With a blush, she bluntly admitted to having always had a crush on Tae and being jealous of you. Even before you were together, she’d noticed the way he looked at you and spoke of you and suspected that he thought of you as more than a colleague or friend. She flirted with him nonetheless, and held out hope that maybe he’d someday return her feelings, but while they were recording the song together over the summer she finally accepted he was legitimately in love with you.

She said it stung to sing a love song with her crush, knowing that he wrote it for another woman, and that it hurt even more when Tae reached out to her almost two months later asking to fake date her to hide his relationship with you. To her it was a slap in the face since she thought she’d made it pretty obvious over the summer that she was genuinely interested in him. Given how aloof Tae could sometimes be, you knew it was entirely possible that he’d missed even the clearest signs that she’d given him.

In hindsight, she realized that she never should have agreed to the fake dating arrangement. She thought she could separate her feelings and approach the situation objectively, but she was wrong. She felt bitter and frustrated and honestly confused at times and she took it out on you by being petty and pushing the envelope when she was with Tae.

Her heartfelt apology was one you deeply appreciated and accepted without hesitation. Had you been in her shoes, you’re honestly not sure you would have handled it any better. You knew it would have absolutely crushed you to have Tae hold your hand and kiss your cheek and call you Jagi, but not actually mean any of it.

After saying one final goodbye, and promising to talk with her later to hear how everything went with the police, you went back into Bang PD’s office. He was on the phone with someone from the security team so you wordlessly sat down and waited for him to finish. As you gazed out the window at the Han River, contemplating how truly unbelievable the last twenty four hours had been, Tae reached over from where he was sitting beside you and took your hand. Turning to face him, you found him holding up a finger heart with his other hand which instantly brought a smile to your lips.

“I know it’s been such a long and tiring day for the two of you, but before you leave there is still one more matter that we need to discuss,” Bang PD tentatively began after he finally hung up the phone.

“Your relationship,” he then simply stated after a brief pause.

Amidst all the drama regarding Jisoo and the sasaeng fan, you had almost forgotten that this conversation was likely to take place today. Even though you had long ago accepted its inevitable outcome, you found yourself feeling incredibly nervous now that the moment had finally arrived. Sitting up straighter in your chair as Tae gave your hand an encouraging squeeze, you waited with bated breath for the Big Hit CEO to continue.

“I’ll be honest, my gut reaction last night was to forbid Taehyung from revealing your relationship to anyone here at Big Hit even after you left so as to avoid any controversy,” he admitted warily, causing your heart to seize.

“One of my biggest concerns is a potential scandal,” he went on. “We have done an excellent job so far maintaining the privacy of everyone’s relationships, in large part because our staff has been so compliant with their nondisclosure agreements, but I worried about how news of your relationship would be perceived internally. The optics are not great, especially with Jisoo being involved as well, and I feared there would be significant backlash once word got out.”

“However, I had a meeting with someone this morning who convinced me that a different, but equally drastic action needed to be taken,” he then said, giving you both a tight lipped smile.

Just then, he opened one of his desk drawers and pulled out a large manila envelope. It was unlabeled, save for the red ‘confidential’ stamp in the upper left hand corner. After holding it in his hands for a few moments, he eventually laid it down on the desk and then gently slid it over to you.

Picking it up with your free hand that was shaking ever so slightly, you realized that whatever was inside was rather thick and immediately your mind began racing. The envelope said ‘confidential’ so it must contain some sort of legal document. Did he just serve you court papers? Was Big Hit actually suing you for breach of contract?

“Sir, what is this?” you asked quietly, trying desperately to keep your voice from trembling.

“Why don’t you open it and find out,” was all he said in reply.

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan  @jesus-in-the-womb  @infernal-alpaca  @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94  @taeyohonic @afiaaaa19 @nooojaaam @ lucci-girl @2oct @foodwaterbangtansonyeondan  @vantedmp @roguesthetic @ dreadity @belladaises @bangtannoonalvg  @chickennoonasoup

Writer Problems

When you really need to finish one fic, but then start writing another to procrastinate 🙃

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 54  kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 5.5k

warnings: pure unadulterated joy

Chapter 54: Too Goo To Be True - Part 2

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

You turned towards Tae and found him already looking back at you, an expectant, slightly nervous expression on his face. Wordlessly, he brought your hand up to his lips and pressed a tender kiss to your fingertips. The small, but intimate gesture meant the absolute world to you for you knew exactly what he was saying: no matter what happens, I will always love you. After giving your hand one final, encouraging squeeze, he released it and then peered down. Following his gaze, you stared at the mysterious envelope for several moments before you finally took a deep, steadying breath and broke its seal. Slowly, with trembling hands, you pulled out a document which you recognized immediately.

Your contract.

Initially, you were relieved that you were not holding what you previously thought might be court papers detailing the lawsuit Big Hit was filing against you. However, a heavy blanket of unease settled over you as you considered the possibility that Bang PD intended to go through your numerous contract violations before officially serving you. As you sat there, wincing as you tallied them all up in your head, your heart began hammering in your chest uncontrollably.

“Could you please turn to Section IX on page 15,” Bang PD asked in a calm voice which did absolutely nothing to settle your nerves.

Knowing exactly what was outlined in that section, your heart sank as you realized your suspicions were likely correct. You nodded your head in reply, not trusting your voice, and then silently flipped through the pages until you came to the one in question.

On the original paper version of your contract, which was at home tucked away in a drawer somewhere, this page was dotted with blotches of smeared ink. It was almost illegible in some places, the letters from one line bleeding down into the next, but that mattered not. By the time the words were sharp enough to draw tears, they had already etched themselves onto your heart. Even now, after months spent trying to ignore their existence, you could recite them from memory in excruciating detail.

Section IX: Idol / Trainee Fraternization Policy

In order to protect the well-being of all employees and retain the professional working environment at all times, Big Hit Entertainment Co. Ltd. upholds a strict fraternization policy regarding the formation of relationships between staff members and idols / trainees.

Staff members are encouraged to develop and maintain professional relationships with idols / trainees, and may even develop personal friendships, so long as these relationships do not interfere with the work performance of either individual or with the effective functioning of the workplace.

However, romantic relationships and/or sexual interactions of any kind are expressly prohibited between staff members and idols / trainees. Such relationships put at risk the fundamental interest of every employee to work in an environment free from conflicts of interests, favoritism, and/or exploitation.

Failure to comply with this policy will result in immediate termination of employment. Employees may report suspected policy violations anonymously through the online portal.

Those were the words that had haunted you for years, the ones that echoed in your mind and stifled the growth of that tiny flicker of hope every time Tae said or did something sweet. They were the words that reminded you again and again of just how much you had to lose, the ones that bound your heart in fear and doubt and hesitation. They were the words that almost kept you from the love of your life, the ones that still sought to tear you apart.

However, they were not the words written on the page before you.

You stilled, your breath catching and the erratic beating of your heart coming to a sudden and jarring halt, as the realization hit you like a freight train.

This was not the contract you signed three years ago.

This was a new contract.

A new contract with new rules.

The first time you read through the words on the page in front of you, you refused to accept they were real, convinced that your mind was playing the cruelest of tricks on you.

The second time you read them, you did so slowly and skeptically, terrified that at any moment they would vanish like disappearing ink, taking with them the very last shred of your sanity.

The third time you read them, though, tears welled up in your eyes as you finally allowed yourself to acknowledge their meaning.

Section IX: Acknowledgement of Pre-existing Relationship with Idol Kim Taehyung

Big Hit Entertainment Co. Ltd. acknowledges the pre-existing romantic relationship between the contractee and idol Kim Taehyung and hereby exempts it from the idol / trainee fraternization policy which prohibits romantic relationships between staff members and idols / trainees.

The aforementioned relationship will instead be subjected to the general workplace fraternization policy outlining the appropriate conduct for coworkers engaging in consensual romantic relationships as detailed in Section XI.

All relationships between the contractee and other idols / trainees will be subjected to the idol / trainee fraternization policy as otherwise upheld.

“Jagi?” Tae softly called from beside you, his voice laden with concern.

“Sweetheart, what does it say?” he asked a moment later as he reached over and took your hand again, carefully lacing his fingers with yours.

“It…it says...,” you began before a lump formed in your throat and words failed you entirely.

“It says she can stay,” Bang PD finally answered for you, his voice warm and gentle.

“What? ” Tae breathed out, sounding completely awestruck.

“Y/N can remain here at Big Hit as your stylist and continue being in a relationship with you,” the older man explained as a small smile crept onto his face.

“A relationship that doesn’t have to be a secret,” he then added.

“Y-You really mean it?” Tae asked in disbelief, his eyes wide and pleading. “We…we can be together?”

“You can,” Bang PD assured him.

Reading the words on the page had been one thing, but hearing them spoken from Bang PD himself was something else entirely. The moment they left his lips, tears started pouring out of you. It all just felt so surreal, the idea that you were going to be allowed to be with Tae and also be with him. It was something you had only ever imagined in your wildest dreams.

After scooting his chair closer to yours, Tae reached over and wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close. As you buried your face in his shoulder and continued to softly cry, he placed loving kisses on the top of your head. You remained there like that for almost a minute before you regained your composure. Lifting your head up off of Tae’s shoulder, you wiped away your tears, took a deep breath, and looked over at Bang PD who had been patiently waiting this whole time.

“T-Thank you,” you said, your voice hoarse and shaky. “This is such an incredible and generous offer. It’s truly beyond anything I could have ever hoped for.”

“But, are you...are you sure?” you then asked quietly. “You said you were worried about the optics and the potential backlash and I...I am too. I love my job and I love Tae and I want nothing more than to stay here with him, but I don’t want to cause trouble for you or for him or for anyone else.”

“Y/N, I do appreciate your concern, but please believe me when I say that I am very sure of this decision,” Bang PD said, giving you a reassuring smile. “The person I met with this morning convinced me that having you here with Taehyung will be best for the two of you both personally and professionally and is also confident that news of your relationship will be generally well-received.”

“They think you complement each other very well and make a great team,” he began explaining. “They feel you’ve played an integral role in his ability to withstand the stress and pressure that comes with being an idol and that you’ve helped him stay grounded and motivated over the years. They also think he has helped with your development as a stylist and that your creativity and confidence has blossomed in part because of his influence and support.”

“If the purpose of the rule barring involvement between staff and idols is to maintain a safe work environment and ensure that everyone can stay focused and perform to the best of their abilities, then it really doesn’t make sense to apply it in this situation given that you’re clearly in a loving, consensual relationship which brings out the best in both of you and helps you do your jobs exceedingly well,” he then stated rather bluntly.

“As for how others will respond, my informer actually doesn’t think people on the BTS team will be all that surprised to learn you’re together,” he went on to reveal with a little chuckle. “It might not have been obvious to anyone that you began legitimately dating, but it has apparently always been obvious that you’re extremely close and rather affectionate towards one another, you in particular, Taehyung.”

“Honestly, they think people have suspected for some time you were at least harboring crushes on one another, if not deeper feelings, which partially explains why everyone was so shocked when Tae and Jisoo began ‘dating’,” he continued thoughtfully. “They said that people long ago accepted your relationship, however informal it might have been and despite the fact that it was technically not allowed, and that they believe people will be equally accepting of it once it’s official and contractually legal.”

Initially, his words caught you off guard, but as they sank in you realized that this assertion really wasn’t all that far-fetched. None of the other guys had been surprised when you told them you were dating. The only thing they were surprised about was that it took so long for it to happen. Jimin was the only one to whom Tae actually expressed his feelings about you, but the others managed to pick up on everything all on their own.

Thinking through things, you decided that Eunji and Donghae were another two people that likely would not be all that surprised to discover you and Tae were together. Strangely enough, they had been incredibly sympathetic and even somewhat angry when Tae and Jisoo revealed their ‘relationship’. At the time, you just thought they felt bad that you were being forced to spend time with someone so unpleasant, but looking back now, you realized there was clearly more to it.

During that long and terrible month the two of them frequently inquired about your love life and also encouraged you to set up more Tinder dates and get drinks with them after work so you could meet someone. They often did that right in front of Tae in what was now a painfully obvious attempt at making him jealous. Their scheming was, of course, quite unnecessary given that you two were actually already dating, though, it definitely still had an effect on him, evoking a possessiveness which manifested in the most pleasurable of ways when you got home.

For years they had playfully teased you about your relationship with Tae, noting how often he flirted with you and also calling you out for flirting right back. You always brushed them off, and assumed they regarded your flirtation as totally harmless, but perhaps they had suspected more than they were letting on. They were, after all, your best friends here at Big Hit. If anyone was paying close enough attention to see the truth, surely it would have been them.

However, even people outside of yours and Tae’s close friends seemed to have caught on over the years, the most notable being none other than Hyun. A few weeks after the incident on the roof, he had contacted you and asked if you would be up for grabbing coffee sometime, not as a date, but just to talk. You agreed and met up with him a few days later down in the café at Big Hit.

The first thing he did was apologize again for his behavior, but he also then said that, while he still deeply regretted his actions, he was grateful that he now had the opportunity to learn from his mistakes and do better. He asked if you would be willing to answer some questions about how you felt when he said or did certain things over the years and you said yes. The two of you then spent an hour talking about a host of topics related to dating like the different ways people express interest, the assumptions often made on both sides, and the pitfalls for miscommunication. It ended up being a really great conversation, one that you felt was truly productive for both of you.

Towards the end, Hyun mentioned that Tae had come to see him in the editing room the Monday after everything happened. While he didn’t specifically use the word ‘threaten’, he did say that Tae made it crystal clear that he would no longer have a job at Big Hit, or anywhere else in the entertainment industry, if he ever touched you again or made you uncomfortable in any way. You were honestly shocked to learn that Tae had done that, not to mention incredibly flustered, but Hyun, however, did not seem the least bit surprised.

“He’s always been very protective of you,” he said matter-of-factly, giving you a knowing smile.

“It’s obvious he cares a lot about you,” he then added thoughtfully, his expression growing slightly wistful before he continued. “And, that you care a lot about him.”

At the time, you convinced yourself that the affection Hyun thought you and Tae felt towards one another was strictly platonic. The alternative was just too painful to even contemplate given that Tae was busy recording the song with Jisoo and your love had never felt more unrequited. Worse than that, though, the alternative was dangerous. If Hyun realized your relationship contained romantic feelings, even if they sadly were only one-sided, he could end your career in a heartbeat.

In hindsight, it was overwhelmingly obvious that Hyun knew the true nature of your relationship, even if it remained unbeknownst to the two of you for another few months. He had seen how jealous and protective Tae grew whenever he asked you out. He had realized that every time you turned him down because of your ‘busy schedule’, you were really choosing Tae over him. He had witnessed you two together, off in your own little world, talking and laughing and flirting as if no one else existed, least of all him. He had known.

And yet, he had said nothing. He had not reported you. He had not attempted to blackmail you. He had not caused trouble in any way, shape, or form. He had just accepted it and moved on. Realizing this monumental fact, you allowed yourself to hope that, in time, others would do the same.

“The fact that it’s you, Taehyung, and not anyone else, also makes all the difference in this situation,” Bang PD went on, pulling you back to the present moment. “You are one of the most adored and respected idols here at Big Hit and are also already known to be family-oriented and, self admittedly, a hopeless romantic. You falling in love with Y/N, but waiting three years to tell her and then hiding your eventual relationship because you were afraid of losing her honestly just makes you all the more endearing.”

“If we tell people the truth, that you couldn’t bear to be separated from your pregnant wife who you deeply love and want to take care of, what is anyone really going to say?” he then questioned.

Upon hearing those words, you and Tae immediately turned to look at each other, your eyes wide in shock. You had not mentioned your news to anyone other than Jisoo, and thought you had been discreet at the hospital last night, but apparently that wasn’t the case. Turning back to face Bang PD, you saw a guilty expression clearly written on his face.

“Sejin accidentally saw the pregnancy test on the bedside table just before you left the hospital,” he revealed, sounding deeply apologetic.

“He did not tell me this when I spoke to him last night,” he went on slowly, choosing his words carefully. “He only shared the news this morning when I called him to discuss your future here at Big Hit. I asked him point blank how soon he thought you might be looking to start a family since Taehyung mentioned last night that you were already discussing children. He was caught off guard and didn’t know how else to respond other than to tell the truth.”

“He feels extremely guilty to have discovered and shared this highly personal information without your permission and I too feel guilty that I have discussed it and now taken away the opportunity for you to tell me yourselves,” he admitted as he bowed his head in remorse.

“However, I do feel it’s important that you know the decision to allow you to stay was made with this precious knowledge in mind,” he then said sincerely. “I want you to know that I am fully supportive of both your relationship and of your soon-to-be family.”

In the last few minutes you had already felt a flicker of anxiety about how and when you would tell him the news and if it would make him regret his decision to allow you to stay. The fact that he already knew and was genuinely supportive was a massive relief. You were about to thank him for providing you with this much needed peace of mind when he suddenly pulled something else out of his desk drawer.

“I also want you to know that Big Hit is going to be fully supportive as well,” he then said as he spread the papers in his hands out across his desk.

“These are the floor plans for the new building we will be moving into next spring,” he went on, a hint of excitement in his voice. “I think you might be interested in what will be located on the North end of the third floor.”

Confused and curious, you peered over at the paper in question. It took a few moments to orient yourself and figure out where to look, but when you did, you immediately knew what Bang PD wanted you to see.

“A childcare center,” you whispered as fresh tears welled up in your eyes.

“Yes. Starting next spring, Big Hit will offer onsite childcare services to all of its employees,” he explained. “With several of our idols now married or soon-to-be married and thinking of starting families, and many staff members having children already, it was an easy decision to make. Anyone who chooses to have their children cared for at the center will be guaranteed time throughout the day to visit with them. When the time comes, the two of you can take that time together or separately, whichever you prefer.”

Discovering you were allowed to stay had been overwhelming enough as it was, but this revelation was almost too much to handle. You were barely holding it together, filled with so much joy and gratitude that you thought you might burst, and you knew Tae was fairing no better. After taking one look at the floor plan, he dropped his head into his hand and began to softly cry.

Having this kind of support from Big Hit would be monumental for you both as new parents. It would make your transition back to work so much smoother and help you find that elusive balance between career and motherhood. It would also enable Tae to be that much more present in your children’s lives, allowing him to easily and safely spend time with them even when the schedule was busy. This development alone had already seemed life-changing, but what Bang PD said next made you realize it had only scratched the surface.

“Taehyung, for you and the rest of the members of BTS, family support will also extend beyond this building,” he began tentatively.

At the sound of those words, Tae looked up at you, his eyes wide in wonder and anticipation, before turning to Bang PD.

“From now on, you will be allowed to bring your families with you whenever BTS travels for extended periods of time,” he revealed, pausing for a moment to let the immense weight of that statement sink in. “The finer details of everything are yet to be worked out, but they will likely travel with you on your chartered flights and will stay with you as well. Big Hit will provide childcare whenever necessary and tutoring too when the time comes.”

“We will, of course, have to be extremely careful so as not to allow any information about your partners or children to get out, but I am confident we can handle it with proper planning and increased security,” he continued thoughtfully.

“Obviously, we will need to make some special arrangements for the upcoming tour, though,” he then quickly added.

“Y/N, may I ask when you are due?” he questioned gently.

For a second, you forgot how to speak. Your brain was still going a mile a minute as you struggled to comprehend everything he had just said. The idea of your children being allowed to travel with you and Tae, of you all being together as a family, was truly mind-blowing. It was honestly never something you considered to be even a remote possibility, even in your wildest dreams. It simply was not something that happened in the K-pop industry. Idols were expected to either put off having a family until they retired or have one that they rarely saw. There was no in between. No compromise.

That is, until now.

“July 15th is my expected due date,” you told him bewilderedly.

He nodded his head and was quiet for a few moments, no doubt running through the tour schedule in his head to see where exactly your due date fell. The tiniest amount of worry crept into your mind as you wondered if he was going to be upset with how unfortunately timed your pregnancy was, but once again he surprised you with his compassion and composure.

“It will be entirely up to you and Taehyung to decide how much of the tour you participate in, if any,” he finally said. “If your doctor clears you for travel and you are feeling up to it, you could come for the North American leg of the tour and maybe even part of the European leg. Obviously, you would need to be home by mid-spring and would then remain there once your child was born.”

“We would, of course, have someone on the medical staff oversee your prenatal care while you were traveling, but if you would be more comfortable staying home throughout your pregnancy that is perfectly fine,” he then assured you. “We could have you temporarily transferred over to another group that isn’t on tour until you take your maternity leave this summer.”

“Taehyung, you will also need to decide how much of the tour you’ll participate in,” he added, turning his attention back to Tae. “If you could make it through Festa and Muster in June and then possibly attend a few shows in September that would be great, but if you need more time off before or after the baby is born I understand completely.”

Of all the incredible revelations this meeting had brought, this one was perhaps the most earth-shattering. It was one thing for accommodations to be made for when Tae was busy with BTS commitments, but it was something else entirely for him to be released from those commitments altogether. It was a huge deal for a member to miss any event, let alone a concert, and was something that only happened in dire circumstances. And yet, here was Bang PD, saying Tae could miss a month or two of their world tour without consequence.

Unsure how to even begin to express the tangle of thoughts and emotions inside you, you glanced over at Tae, hoping he might have found the words to say, only to discover he was infinitely more overwhelmed than you were. He was staring at Bang PD with an absolutely astonished expression on his face, his eyes wide, mouth agape. For a whole minute he said nothing, just stood there in utter disbelief, barely even seeming to breathe, until he finally broke the silence.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked, his voice little more than a whisper.

“I-I’m so grateful for it all, truly, but I just…I just don’t understand,” he stammered as his voice began to waver and his eyes filled with tears once more. “When we signed you said the rules would never change.”

Bang PD drew in a long, deep breath before letting it out very slowly. As he did, his gaze traveled all over the room, taking in the sight of the numerous photographs and awards and mementos that lined the walls, most of which commemorated some notable milestone or accomplishment BTS had achieved. Looking back at Tae, a somber expression on his face, he cleared his throat and began to speak.

“I have been reconsidering a number of Big Hit’s policies for some time now,” he admitted as he leaned his elbows on the desk and steepled his fingers in front of him. “I know other members have also experienced hardship in their relationships, but what you’ve gone through with Y/N has been particularly eye-opening. It’s painfully clear to me now how near-impossible you felt it would be to have and maintain a healthy relationship with her if she wasn’t with you because of her job at Big Hit.”

“Obviously, I’ve always known that BTS’s schedule is very demanding and that it interferes with everyone’s personal lives, but I didn’t realize it was to such a large and heartbreaking extent,” he went on, letting out a deep sigh before he continued. “I want you all to be committed to the group’s shared vision and success, but not at the cost of your current and future happiness.”

“The rules were established before you debuted, back when you were all so young and inexperienced, but so much has changed since then,” he acknowledged. “You’ve grown, and will only continue to grow, not just as artists, but as individuals and as men, as husbands and fathers someday too.”

“Bit Hit needs to grow with you,” he then said with a note of finality.

“Thank you,” Tae said after a few moments of silence, his voice soft and sincere, as he bowed his head respectfully. “Your kindness and support means more to me than I can put into words. I deeply appreciate all that you have done for me over the years and all that you continue to do for Y/N, myself, and our unborn child. I promise to never take the incredible opportunity you’ve given us for granted and to continue performing to the absolute best of my ability as a member of BTS.”

“You are most welcome, Taehyung,” Bang PD said back with a smile. “You have dedicated over a third of your life to BTS and given myself and Big Hit so much. It is my pleasure to offer this to you in return.”

You were about to say something as well when Bang PD’s phone suddenly started to ring. After glancing down to see who it was, he said he unfortunately needed to take it. The call was brief, he gave little more than a few ‘Hmms’ and ‘OKs’, and before you knew it he was hanging up.

“I do apologize, but I am urgently needed at the police station with Jisoo and our lawyer,” he said regretfully, standing up from his desk.

“Why don’t we plan to meet again in a couple days,” he then suggested as he put on his coat. “That way you can take some time to absorb all of this and talk through everything together. Y/N, assuming you decide to stay, we’ll need to discuss when and how to reveal your relationship with Taehyung to the rest of Big Hit. There are also a couple of other things we’ll need to go over like security and NDAs and the like.”

“Please stay here as long as you’d like to collect yourselves before leaving,” he added gently. “I know it’s been an overwhelming and emotional afternoon.”

You and Tae both stood up and bid him farewell, shaking his hand and thanking him again for everything. He had opened the door, and was just about to step through and leave, when Tae suddenly called out to him.

“Sir, was it Namjoon-hyung?” he asked hesitantly.

This question had been on the tip of your tongue since the moment Bang PD said someone came to visit him this morning. Like Tae, you had assumed it was Namjoon, your guardian angel. He was the obvious choice, having been in your corner right from the very beginning, which is why Bang PD’s response came as such a surprise.

“No,” the older man said after a moment, a small smile playing on his lips. “The person I met with this morning, the one who convinced me you two should remain together here at Big Hit, was Mrs. Choi.”

With that, he took his leave, giving a final wave before stepping out into the hallway. The second the door closed and you and Tae were alone, the reality of everything that had transpired in the last hour finally hit you.

You weren’t being fired. You weren’t getting sued. You weren’t even being punished at all. Instead, you were being given the most precious gift anyone can ever ask for.

Time.

Time with Tae, the love of your life and your best friend, the father of your unborn child and your soon-to-be husband. Time spent talking and laughing and being with him. Time spent growing with him and learning from him and discovering a million more reasons to love him. Time spent watching him and his brothers follow their passion and change the world.

Time spent with him and your children. Time spent playing with them and teaching them things and showering them with love and affection. Time spent watching them discover they had the most wonderful, caring, and incredible father in the entire world. Time spent together as a family, one that was happy and whole and not separated by time zones and thousands upon thousands of miles.

Looking over at Tae, and seeing his own eyes already filled with tears, you lost it. In an instant, he wrapped you in his arms and pulled you as close as possible, enveloping you in his warmth and comfort and love. As you sobbed into his chest, absolutely overcome with emotion, he pressed endless kisses to your temple and rubbed your back in the most soothing, loving way.

“You can stay, Jagi,” he whispered as his own tears freely fell. “You can stay.”

“You can stay and we can be together,” he went on, gently rocking you in his arms. “Our family can be together.”

“I’ll take care of you and our baby, sweetheart,” he then vowed, his voice soft but resolute. “No matter where we go, no matter how crazy things get, I’ll take care of you both. I’ll keep you safe and make sure you’re healthy and happy and so, so loved. I’ll be the best husband and father I can be, I promise.”

Moved by his words, it took you a few moments to gather yourself to the point that you could speak and even then your voice was breaking over every other word.

“I’ll take care of you too, Tae,” you promised, pulling back to look at him. “I’ll take care of you and support you and love you always. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I love you so much,” you then told him as the joyful tears continued to pour out.

Though his eyes were still glistening with his own tears, he looked almost as happy as he did last night when you first told him you were pregnant. After gazing at you for a few moments, he reached up to cup your cheeks and rub away your tears with his thumbs before leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was soft and sweet and truly magical and, when he pulled away and looked at you so adoringly, still holding you so tenderly, you knew without question that this was the happiest moment of your entire life.

“I love you too, Jagi,” he confessed, giving you a shy, boxy smile. “I always have and I always will.”

~~~

Author’s Note:

Thank you all for following along with me on this incredible journey. When I started writing this story in my head while out on a long run back in January, I never dreamed it would have evolved into what it has now become. It has truly been a labor of love writing this and I thank each and every one of you who took the time to leave comments and send me messages. Your feedback and support meant more to me than I can put into words.

There were will an epilogue to this story that I hope to publish sometime in the next month. I am also planning on releasing drabbles every now and then. They will be of both past and future events and will also be from Tae's POV on occasion.

Part of the reason why it took so long for this last chapter to be released is that I've already started writing another story. I tried to hold off on beginning it until this one was done, but I got too excited lol It will be another Tae Idol!AU, however, that is where the similarities with TGTBT end. The title is 'Shattered Glass' and, like TGTBT was loosely centered on Tae's song 'Sweet Night', the new story will revolved around 'Stigma'. It will be angsty and smutty and honestly quite dark. It will be a roller coast for sure - friends to enemies to friends to lovers! I'm having a blast writing it so far and hope to have the first chapter published in the next month or so.

Thank you again for your love and support! 

Borahae 💜

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan  @jesus-in-the-womb  @infernal-alpaca  @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94  @taeyohonic @afiaaaa19 @nooojaaam @ lucci-girl @2oct @foodwaterbangtansonyeondan  @vantedmp @roguesthetic @ dreadity @belladaises @bangtannoonalvg  @chickennoonasoup @chosomeow

Shattered Glass | kth - Fic Announcement

Series Summary: They say time heals all wounds, but it's been eight years since you cut each other out of your lives and the pain is still sharp as ever. You were the best of friends, and a whisper of something more, but the future you once dreamed of shattered in the blink of an eye. Thrust back together by a twist of fate, you find yourselves torn between the past and the present as you struggle to pick up the pieces.

Pairing: idol!taehyung x idol!reader

Genre : idol!au (mostly canon-compliant), friends to enemies to idiots to lovers (these two will put you through the ringer), mutual pining, fluff, heavy angst, eventual smut, slow burn

Rating: 18+

Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, serious trust issues, physical violence (not with each other), mentions of past sexual abuse and infidelity, explicit sexual content; chapters will have their own warnings!

Schedule: Fall 2022

Taglist: Please comment or send an ask to be added!

a/n: I wrote half of this last year before getting pregnant with my daughter, but have been stalled out since then. I'm hoping that by posting this announcement I'll magically find the motivation to finish this once and for all :)

teaser below the cut

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅ Taehyung ⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

When Taehyung’s gaze landed on you, he nearly choked on his martini. The drink - his third of the night - was in clear violation of the personal rule he usually adhered to of having no more than two drinks while at any Big Hit-sponsored events. While his tolerance had improved significantly over the years, he still never wanted to take any chances, knowing how quickly a light buzz can morph into much more if you aren’t careful. Being that one inebriated idiot in a room full of mostly sober people was never a good look, but it was far worse when some of those people were your bosses or, if you were really having a bad day, members of the media.

And yet, there he was, well on his way to legitimate drunkenness.

You must have arrived recently because there was absolutely no way he wouldn’t have spotted you sooner. Your dress was bright red, the same exact shade of red as a stop sign, he couldn’t help but notice. It was form fitting, falling just above the knee, with a sweetheart neckline and halter tie strap. You’d paired it with matching red stilettos and a few simple pieces of silver jewelry. Your hair was up in one of those perfectly messy buns, your lips painted scarlet. 

You and the other girls from Red Velvet were on the far side of the room in the middle of a conversation with the guys from TXT. You appeared to be telling some sort of story, having apparently just said something hilarious given the way the guys all threw their heads back in laughter. You were smiling back at them, looking confident and relaxed, elegant yet sexy, truly and utterly stunning.

And, just like that he was annoyed. 

You would dress like that tonight, wearing something so eye-catching that it made it virtually impossible for him to not let his gaze linger on your figure every time he stopped staring into the bottom of his glass. You would act so boldly, waltzing in here like you owned the place, talking and laughing with his friends while he sulked alone in the corner. You would be completely unaffected by his presence, that is, if you even noticed he was there.

Watching with narrowed eyes as you leaned in to whisper something into Yeonjun’s ear, his grip on the glass in his hand tightened. You were the reason why he’d broken his two-drink rule within an hour of arriving at the party. In fact, you were the reason why he’d been drinking more and sleeping less and losing his grip entirely these last few months. Since the moment Bang PD told them of the acquisition, he’d been living in a constant state of low-level, but ever-growing anxiety. 

He had long ago locked you in a box and thrown away the key, taking all that you once were and never would be and erasing it from his waking mind. You were meant to stay in there forever, but now here you were, crashing back into his life and threatening to ruin everything. Just looking at you was stirring up memories and feelings he hadn’t the slightest clue how to deal with, ones that were still sharp and terrible as ever, even after all this time.

As he took another recklessly large gulp of his drink, he seriously considered making a break for it through the emergency exit behind him. Clearly the two of you would cross paths sooner or later now that you worked for the same company, but he wanted to delay that reunion for as long as humanly possible. Having not had a legitimate conversation with you in almost a decade, he had absolutely no idea what he was going to say to you. 

Despite the fact that you were both K-pop idols, and therefore members of a rather small circle, the two of you had done a remarkable job of avoiding one another over the last few years. Belonging to different management companies had certainly helped in that regard, as did the fact that you didn’t share any mutual friends. Although BTS and Red Velvet often attended the same award shows, there were usually so many people there that you didn’t run into each other. On the rare occasions when your groups had been forced to interact on stage or on the red carpet, the two of you had donned your most convincing smiles and pretended to be friendly, casual acquaintances. 

The only truly meaningful correspondence you’d had since high school was three years ago when his grandmother died and you sent your condolences in a handwritten letter. It had taken him two days to build up the courage to open it. The instant he started reading, he broke down. There on the page before him, in the same neat handwriting that used to appear on folded notes tucked into his backpack, were the most heartfelt, sorrowful words. 

You had met both his grandparents many times when you came with him to visit their farm in Daegu, but you’d always had a special relationship with his grandmother. Having never met either of your own, you said that she filled the hole in your heart by showering you with love and affection as if you were one of her own grandchildren. From the scattered blotches of smeared ink he could tell that you’d cried while writing the letter which absolutely shattered him. He hated it when you cried, especially when he wasn’t there to comfort you. 

The letter he wrote in response was five pages long. Into it, he poured his entire soul, telling you how happy he was to hear from you and how much it meant to him that you’d remembered his grandmother. He told you that she always loved you and that she asked about you every single time he called to talk to her, even after you’d stopped speaking to one another. He recounted some of your fondest memories from the farm like that time you got stung by a bee on the tip of your nose and looked like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. 

He asked about your family, wondering if they still lived in Jeonju and if you were able to see them often. He asked how you’d liked living in New York City and mentioned how impressed he was with your English. He congratulated you on joining Red Velvet, confessing that he’d been following your career closely for the past year and was so proud of how seamlessly you’d filled the role of main vocalist. 

And, he told you that he missed you. He told you he missed you so much that it hurt and that he thought about you every single day. He apologized again for the awful things he said to you that fateful day all those years ago, telling you he truly didn’t mean any of it and that he was just sad and scared because you were going to be so far away from him for so long. He said he wished more than anything that you could be a part of his life again. He left his phone number and all but begged you to contact him before signing the letter, ‘Love Tae’.

But, you never did. 

You never wrote back. You never texted. You never called.

Deep down, he had been holding out hope that you would come back to him one day, but your silence made him realize that was nothing more than wishful thinking. You had written out of respect for his grandmother, nothing more. You had moved on and carved out a new life for yourself, one in which he did not have a place. 

You were no longer his best friend. You were no longer his princess. You were no longer his anything. 

here's your perfect | kth. I

➸summary : "The only person who can help you to endure your pain is your soulmate" -But you find it hard to believe that now. Not when he's sitting right across the table from you, his face devoid of any emotion. You think if you really are as strong as you believed. 

➸ pairing : taehyung x reader

➸ genre : soulmate!au, idol!tae, s2f2l!au, angst, fluff 

➸ rating : PG-15

➸ word count : 5.6k

➸ warnings : swearing, anxiety, slight depression 

➸ playlist : carried away(love to love) by surf mesa, madison beer, blue and grey piano cover , bts v - sweet night piano cover

Chapter one 

A soulmate is someone whose soul is fated to match your own. 

They say that one's soul is only completed when they meet their soulmate. Someone who will accept you with your flaws. Someone who is fated to love you. 

"They will help you to endure your pain." 

Some legends say that it's like looking at your own reflection. Some legends claim that it's like finding the other half of your soul. Some believe that a piece of our soul is with our soulmates, that when you finally meet, it's like finding your own soul.

Soulmates have always been a startling thing. No one really knows the mystery of our souls. Even after countless studies and researches, people still cannot fathom the real equation of the existence of soulmates. It's something peolple have left on the plans of the universe .

___________________________________________

As long as Kim Taehyung can remember, he has always longed to meet his soulmate. 

"They will be able to read you like an open book, Taehyung-ah. They will love you exactly the way you want to be loved." He remembers his grandmother saying this to him, he remembers the way his heart used to ache with longing, with hope.

Taehyung can't remember the exact moment he stopped believing those words. But he remembered when he fell in love for the first time. Remembered the rush of emotions he felt. For him to be in love means being free. Free to love anyone, anywhere. For him, love should be unchained, unbound. 

"You fall in love too easily," Jimin stated one day. He knows that. Love comes easily to him. But it also burns him way too easily. 

The thing is, he is ready to endure the burn. He is ready to go through the pleasant pain of falling in love again and again. But he can't fall in love under conditions. He can't force his emotions. If he regrets anything, that is how he lost control over some parts of his life, how he is sometimes forced to change things about his life. But he will not force himself to love someone, wouldn't lose control over who he loves. Not to anyone. 

___________________________________________

Sometimes you think that you might never belong anywhere. 

You don't like lingering in your past. You're way past those old memories. Have made so many good memories to replace them with. Have people who have helped you, made you feel that you belong there. But that doesn't mean you don't feel alone, that you are not enough. No matter how many people are around you, you've always felt alone. 

It's not about how people made you feel anymore. It's just how you started to feel somehow. No matter how much time you spend with your family and friends, the loneliness doesn't go away.

"You know it might be because of your soulmate? Sometimes our feelings reflect on our soulmates," Asfan said one day while you were helping him at the animal shelter, "I mean they might be feeling lonely. And that's reflecting on you. Or maybe you are feeling lonely because you haven't met them yet?" 

You can't remember the exact moment when you started believing these words. That your soulmate is the person you belong with. They will see you exactly the way you are and still love you. That they will be the only person to whom you will never have to prove that you are enough. You don't believe in love at first sight, don't believe that you can love someone without knowing them. But you believe that your soulmate will want to love you exactly the way you want to love them.

_______________________________

30th December. 

The sound of a door opening snaps you out of your haze. You turn your head toward the door, two young girls enter the cafe, their faces stuffed in their scarves. A gush of cold air enters with them. Even though you are sitting in the corner, far away from the door, the cold still hits you, making you shiver.

You found this cafe when you were exploring your new neighborhood. It's tucked into a corner. Most people probably don't know this place is even here. You wouldn't have either if it wasn't for your tendency of exploring every single corner of every neighborhood you've ever lived in. 

The cafe is mostly deserted at this time of the day. There's a soft indie song playing on the radio. The anchor on the TV is saying something about the birthday projects of some idols. But you tune all of them off, try to focus on the design on your sketchbook in front of you. A slow, satisfied smile stretches on your face. You nod your head to yourself and close the sketchbook book, put it into your bag, then proceed to pay for your coffee. 

You let out a shiver as you step out of the cafe, pulling your coat tightly over your body. Even though the sky is clearer than most days today, you still can't feel your fingertips. The weather has worsened in the few months you've been here. Seoul has its own charm in winter, especially if it's covered with snow. 

You start walking toward your apartment, making a mental note to drop by the convenience store again, when your phone buzzes with a text. You pull it out from your pocket. Yung Sung has shared a news article to your group chat, asking if it was still OK to have the photoshoot on the scheduled date. You frown at your phone as you read the whole article. Apparently there's a storm coming the next week in Gangwon-do, exactly the same day as your shooting schedule. Your phone buzzes again, someone said that they were going to talk to the management. You let out a sigh, lips pull into a small pout. You were really looking forward to this shoot.

When you moved to South Korea, you didn't know what to expect. When your boss told you that you were being promoted and transferred to South Korea's headquarters, you were over the moon. All these years of hard work finally paid off. Even though it was a different country, it felt so important to move here, a strange sense was telling you that it's going to be worth it. And the opportunity was great, new experiences, new place, new everything. On top of that, your best friend is here and you missed her so much. 

What you didn't expect was the cold unsettling feeling, which feels like it is growing intensely as the days go on. 

Entering your apartment, you flick the switch of your hallway. It's been a few months since you moved here. You have finally settled in. You've tried to make the apartment look as homely as possible. But it is still lacking the warmth you feel at your own place back at home, or the familiarity that your parents home provides. It's like the loneliness has intensified ten times more.

You think it's a little embarrassing. You are an adult after all, have been living alone since college. But somehow you feel more lonely after moving here. But it's ok, you think as you get started to prepare your dinner. It's just been a couple of months. It'll be fine. Just have to adjust to being alone in an unknown country. 

___________________________________________

"Well, well, well, Happy New Year, kids!!" Kanika exclaims as soon as she opens the door.

You grin at her as she walks toward the table. "Late happy new year," Cameron mutters beside you, not looking up from his laptop. 

Kanika rolls her eyes as she leans against the table."It's just been a few days since new year's day, Cameron, don't kill the vibe," Kanika hisses.

"Is there any news about the shooting schedule?" Yung Sung asks Kanika.

"Yeah. They wouldn't postpone it. Said that the storm is supposed to hit in the evening anyway. It's not gonna take long to shoot so we just have to wrap up before the storm hits." 

Yung Sung let out a groan. "If we don't finish this project within next week, it will crash with the BTS project. Our meeting with them is in two weeks, remember?" Cameron grumbles, still not looking up from his laptop.

"How can I forget when you keep reminding me every chance you get," Yung Sung grits out, letting out a frustrating sound. 

It is safe to say that Cameron and Yung Sung don't get along with each other. Their banters are always the source of entertainment to everyone. 

You smirk at Yung Sung and return your attention to your laptop again. You were clicking through your sketches for the 100th time when Kanika interrupted you. 

"Hey."

You look up from your laptop. Kanika is smiling down at you. "You want some coffee?" she asked, lifting one eyebrow. 

You blink at her. Her face is doing that thing where she is really trying to be subtle about something. You look back at your laptop. You've been watching the same design for an hour now. Trying not to stress about the project but somehow doing exactly that. Your stress might have reflected on your face. Right, she's trying to distract me.

"Yeah, sure." You get up and grab your jacket, following Kanika out of the room.

_______________________________

Kanika puts a cup of coffee in front of you  and takes a seat across from you at one of the tables in the canteen area. You grab the cup with both hands, trying to consume as much warmth as possible.

"Honestly, Y/N, you need to stop stressing out about these projects." Kanika is one of the few people with whom you've gotten closer with in these past few months. 

"I'm not!" you exclaim. Kanika gives you a pointed look. You don't know if it's because she's your friend or because you're working under her, sometimes she can read you like an open book.

You look down at your coffee. It might have been easier if you could just stop that nagging feeling inside your head.

"Look." You actually look at her, her voice serious."You did a great job. Everyone loved your designs. The project will go smoothly. I know you're worried because it's your first time working on a big project after moving here. But trust me, you got this. Don't let your anxiety knock off your confidence. Ok?"

You can feel your entire face heat up. "Yeah," you murmur. Even though her words somehow comforted you, that doesn't mean you can shove away your anxiety entirely. 

"Anyway, how was your new year's eve?" She asked, sipping into her coffee. "Did you go out?" 

"No…um…I still had some boxes to unpack." 

Lies. You spent that whole night rewatching your favorite old movies. Just so that you can feel some familiarity. But you weren't going to admit that to her. It really doesn't help that you haven't actually made any real friends except for Kanika since you moved here. You do hang out with some of your colleagues, but most of them were probably with families and friends that day, so you didn't want to intrude. 

Kanika smiles apologetically. "You know I would've invited you to my place if we were in town, right? I'm really so-"

"Kanika, please don't apologize," you cut her out. "It's ok! I was fine by myself."

No, you weren't. You felt even more lonely, having always spent the day with friends and family. 

"Still. It can be depressing spending New Year's day alone." 

Kanika was the first person you contacted after you were notified about your promotion. You got her email address from your company's website and emailed her. You informed her about your promotion and that you were really excited to move to South Korea and to work under her. She replied enthusiastically that she was really impressed by your profile and was excited to work with you. You've become close after that. She was the one who helped you find a decent apartment and introduce you to this new city. 

You smiled at her. She is right though. There's no point stressing over the project right now. Everything has been going smoothly about the BTS project till now. Even though there's a lot of things that can go wrong, you are sure that everyone will be able to handle that. You just hope your hard work pays off well. 

______________________________________

Is it possible to love someone else when your soulmate is around? The girl on the TV asks her crush. 

Of course it is. Some people cheat on their soulmate all the time, the same soulmate whom they promised to always love. They fall out of love. They find someone better, someone they connect to more than they do with their soulmates. It's not the 18th century anymore when it was scandalous if you are not with your soulmate. Nowadays people are cautious about who they wanna spend their life with. There are people who are waiting for their soulmate, people who are just friends with their soulmate, people who don't want their soulmate. It's not rare anymore. 

You try to focus on the drama that's playing on your TV. The laptop which is resting on your left is displaying an empty bedroom. The girl on the TV is crying, trying to reason with her crush that they can be happy together, when a voice calls out your name from the laptop. You head snaps at it. Asfandiyar's hands are stretched out, giving you the perfect view of his outfit on the screen. 

"How about this one?" 

You scan him from head to toe. His head is styled perfectly. He is wearing a light grey turtleneck and white slacks. You nod your head and mutter, "Looks good." 

He gives you a funny look. "That's it? No 'you look like a gridded pineapple'?" 

"Well, you should've told me sooner that my insults inspire you, Asfan." You bat your eyelashes at him. "I would prepare them better next time then." 

You watch as he rolls his eyes, going around to put on his watch. You pull a thread from your sweater, trying to cut it out.

"Say hi to Rue for me," you say, a slow sly grin taking over your face. He stills for a moment, looking at you with big eyes. You tilt your head, "Why? Isn't it why you are dressing up so nicely? Because she would be there at the party?" 

He looks down, smiling shyly. "What? A man can't even dress up to impress his soulmate now?" he murmurs shyly. 

You scrunch your nose,"You're so sappy." 

"Well I'm not the one who is single for her soulmate."

"I'm not single because of my soulmate! I just don't have the time to date anymore! And excuse me, you are single too." 

"I'm single because my soulmate also doesn't have time to date," He tsks as he grabs his jacket. "She's really your cousin."

"Try to talk to her today. Don't just stare at her, ok?" You laugh out loud.

"Well it's not my fault she is so pretty," He winks at you. You shake your head, whispering, "Whipped ass." Thankfully he didn't catch it.

"When are you leaving for Gangwon-do?" He asks as he puts on his coat.

"This evening." You glance at your watch. It's only 12 at noon right now. You've got plenty of time to relax. You didn't go to your office as you guys were leaving today anyway. Kanika dismissed the project members for today. You take a deep breath. It was honestly getting irritating, the useless stress you are getting. Usually when you are stressed it means you're going to give your hundred percent to your job. Your stress-work was usually your best work. 

"Hey." 

Your head snaps to your laptop. Asfan moves closer to the screen, his eyes filled with worry. "You okay? You are quieter than usual today."

There's a thing about you that drives all of your friends crazy, that is how little you share your problems with them. You can gently coax out everyone's problems but wouldn't tell them yours until it's too late, either because of the fear of rejection or because of judgment. 

You look at Asfan's concerning eyes and almost tell him about your struggles, about that nagging feeling you've been feeling since you moved here. But you stop yourself. There's no point telling him. You didn't want anyone to feel that you are not adjusting here. 

You are usually a very calm and happy person, granted that you are always stressed about your work, but optimism runs in your blood. That's why this whole situation is irritating you more, because the more stressed and alone you feel the more depressed you become. 

Asfan calls out your name gently again, his head tilted, face showing more concern than before. He has been your friend for years now. You know that he wouldn't judge you. But you didn't want him to worry about you. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," you force out a laugh,"I'm just tired."

Asfan eyes you with worry. You know he didn't buy your excuse, but still he nods his head. "Get some rest. Tell me how the shooting goes. And be careful."

"Always am. Have fun."

Asfan waves his hand as you disconnect the video call. He was right. You do need some rest. Maybe taking a nap wouldn't be so bad. 

___________________________________________

"Fuck, it's so cold," Haneul swears as the two of you make your way to the house. The weather has worsened so much in a few hours that it's almost impossible to step out of the building. You guys move around the crowd of tourists and locals, quickly walking toward the shooting location. 

There's a small island in Gangwon-do which is famous for the hanok village. The old traditional houses aka the hanok were matching the traditional vibes of the outfits of the photoshoot. It was originally planned that the shooting would take place in the garden area of the small village. But because of the weather, you guys had to make a last minute change. 

"It was a bad idea," you snap as you step inside the house. "We should've canceled the photoshoot." You were getting frustrated as the minutes went by. "Honestly, what was the point if we had to shoot indoors anyways? It was quite obvious we can't shoot outside in this weather," you grit out.

"At least they've let us use the hanok," Haneul says hopefully. The official management team of the village have given you guys permission to shoot inside the hanok. 

"And why are there so many people outside? It's kind of dangerous to be out there in this weather," you demand. 

"Most of them are locals. They have to open their business every morning, you know," Haneul explains. 

Of course you know that. You know you are getting irritated for no reason. You don't know if you should blame it on the headache that you've gotten up with this morning or the fact that your heart keeps jumping every now and then for no reason whatsoever. Guilt consumes your heart, knowing that the way you are lashing on people isn't acceptable. You let out a sigh, trying to get rid of your frustration. Haneul pats your back sympathetically, "Just a few more hours than we'll be safe in our hotel rooms." 

Haneul, one of the fashion stylists of your company, is the most optimistic creature you've ever come across. 

You two make your way to the center of the house. Most of the people with you are from the production section. The photographer is talking with Yung Sung. In the center the models are getting ready to begin the last bit of the shooting. You can see the stylists in the corner with some other models, trying to fix their outfits. As for the designers, there were just you, Yung Sung and Hwan.

Hwan bows to you when he spots you. You bow back and make your way toward him.

"How's it going?" You ask him. 

"If you are talking about the shooting then it's going great. Almost over actually. But if you are talking about the weather then I think I'm gonna die today," Hwan says merrily.

Even though you roll your eyes, there's a playful smile on your face. You look out of the big window, which is giving you the perfect view of the garden outside.

"It's taking longer than we thought it would, the shooting," you mutter, eyeing the dark clouds through the window.

"Yeah. It's like the weather has slowed down everything," Hwan says as he too looks out of the window. "Where did you disappear to by the way? Haneul was gone too," Hwan asks as he sips into his third cup of coffee of today. 

"Kanika called. There was a production problem with the BTS project. We were just trying to sort it out. Hey, did you know-" 

You stop abruptly and spin around. A shiver runs down your whole body. You frantically look around. You can feel the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. You take a step forward and try to find something that must've caused it. 

"What?" Hwan looks at you and then where you are looking. 

"What…what was that?" 

"What was what?"

"Didn't you feel that?" Your heart has started to beat faster. Your hand automatically goes to your chest, feeling the fast rhythm. "Like…like someone is there?" You swear you felt it. But it's not a presence, not really. It was more like a weird tug. 

"Where?" You can hear the confusion in his  voice. 

"I don't know. Like someone was right here behind me?" 

You look at Hwan. He's looking around, eyes big with confusion. "Could it be a ghost? This place is kinda old," He whispers, his eyes are darting toward the whole room comically. His frantic expression somehow eases your internal panic. 

You open your mouth to tease him when a staff member of the village comes into the room. He looks troubled, his eyes scanning the whole room. When he spots Chan Soo, your project leader, he makes his way toward him. He reaches Chan Soo and says something to him quietly. Chan Soo looks like he's really trying not to panic. 

"Did something happen?" You wonder. Hwan shrugs, looking as confused as you feel. 

When the staff member leaves, Chan Soo makes his way toward you guys. When he is closer Hwan asks him, "What's going on?" 

"We have to leave. Now. The storm is hitting earlier than they thought. And they -" 

"What! But the storm was supposed to hit tonight!" Hwan whines.

"Do you think it's my fault?" Chan Soo snaps hotly. It was clear that he isn't really thrilled about it either. "Anyway, we have to leave now. They are going to force the tourists to leave in a few hours. We have to leave too."

"But we are not done with the shooting yet," you point out.

"It's ok, it'll be enough for now. If it's not then we'll figure it out" Chan Soo says impatiently. "Now, everyone," He addresses everyone loudly and explains the situation.

In the next hour you all are almost ready to leave. Some people are still cleaning up the set up when Chan Soo says,"Why don't you guys go ahead?" Pointing at you, Yung Sung and Haneul. "I'll come with the rest of them. Go."

You guys nod and make your way to the front door. Haneul opens the front door and you are welcome by a gush of cold air. Yung Sung swears under her breath. The sky is covered with dark clouds. The cold is way too much to handle. It looks like the storm will start any minute. But it doesn't faze you at all.  

All you can feel is a warm fuzziness. The nagging feeling that has been bugging you for months now intensifies ten times more. Haneul says something about finding the car and takes off. 

You look over at the place where people are still gathered, probably trying to get out of here. You feel it again, the sensation making your hair stand on end again. You feel a strange pull, it's like an invisible thread pulling you somewhere.

"Did you feel that?" You ask Yung Sung, feeling the beat of your heart quickening.  

"Feel what?" 

"That thing," you touch the back of your neck. "Is it because of the storm?" 

"What? Are you feeling cold?" Yung Sung asks. 

That's when you feel the pull again. You realize that it's coming from the lawn. People are still crowded there, trying to get out or go somewhere safe. You unconsciously take a step toward them, but Yung Sung grabs your hand. "Y/N-ssi, where are you going?" 

You shake your head no, murmuring a quiet, "I'll be right back." You start walking toward the lawn. You can hear Yung Sung calling you. But you ignore her. 

You quick walk into the middle of the lawn. Your heart is beating way too fast now. Your breaths are coming quickly. You look around almost frantically. People are making their way beside you. Nothing is happening out of sort. Am I going mad? You think to yourself. Has the nagging feeling been a warning that I'm going crazy? 

You run your hand through your hair and let out a frustrating breath. You look everywhere again. Something must be wrong, otherwise why would you feel this way? People are giving you funny looks. Of course they are, they can probably see you panicking. 

You let out another frustrating breath. Yung Sung might be right, this might be happening because of the storm. You shake your head and start to go over where Yung Sung is. 

Two things happen at once. Suddenly there is a booming sound of thunder and you feel a presence from behind you this time. You still for a moment, feeling the quick beating of your heart. For a moment you feel like you are stuck in that place. You take a long breath, close your eyes and try to feel that presence again. There's an overwhelming sensation building inside you. But then you open your eyes, take another long breath and slowly turn around. Your heart is beating painfully now. 

You fully turn around and your eyes immediately land on….him. Then you finally meet his eyes.

And Oh. 

He can't be more than twenty feet ahead of you. But you can feel his warmth from where you stand. The nagging feeling finally stops and it's like it has melted into your heart. It's like something inside you finally settles. Your heart skips a beat and then starts beating with a new rhythm. 

You can't see his face because of his mask. But his eyes. His eyes bore into yours. It's warm. And dark. Like the night sky. His shoulders are tensed. Something warms your heart. It's him. It's finally him. Your soulmate.

The sky breaks and the rain starts pouring. The raindrops are harsh on your skin. The coldness is numbing your surroundings. People are rushing to find a shelter. But all you feel is the warmth. 

Neither of you are moving. Your breathing is coming slowly now. You can visibly see him relaxing, as if his breathing is coming to normal too. You cautiously take a step toward him, when someone tries to walk past you and knocks into you. You lose your balance and almost fall over but the stranger grabs your hand to steady you. 

"So sorry. Are you OK?" The stranger asks.

You snap out of your haze. You realize that it has started to rain. You nod your head at the stranger, mutter a " fine". You immediately look around where your soulmate was standing. But he is gone. Lost into the crowd. 

You panic for a second. You look around, trying to find him. But suddenly someone grabs your arm. You jump at the sudden touch, haven't realized how cold it actually is.

"Y/N-ssi, what are you doing?" Yung Sung asks. She's holding an umbrella over her head. "Come on, our car is here. You can't just run off in the rain!" 

And suddenly there's a hand dragging you somewhere. You numbly follow her. Your mind is covered in haziness. You can't function what just happened. Seems like you can't even open your mouth to say something. 

It's when you are safely inside the car with everyone else when things start coming back to you. Your breathing hitches, eyes going big, the shock of what happened finally settles into you. All these years when you've been waiting for this moment to happen, waiting for him to show up, but it happened when you least expected it, when meeting him was the least of your worries. Is this what everyone meant when they say that your soulmates will appear at any random moment of your life? That you will feel their presence before you set your eyes upon them? 

The panic you were feeling a few moments ago melts into a giddy feeling. You slowly smile to yourself. Things around you have started to clear up a bit. Everyone is talking in hush voices. It's raining so heavily that you can't even see anything outside the car. Someone has draped a jacket on your shoulder, your clothes wet and sticking to your body. You don't need to look into the mirror to know that your hair is a mess. 

But all that matters is the happiness you feel right now. You can't help the smile on your face, have to purse your lips to keep the laughter from coming out. You hide your face on your shoulder and look outside the car's window. You wish that you could always remember this moment, that you never forget the moment when you saw those dark eyes for the very first time.

___________________________________________

The rain is pouring more heavily now. Even though the heater is on, the cold doesn't entirely go away. You sit by the window of your hotel room, legs pulled up to your chest, your face rests on your knees. As your emotions are not jumbled up like it was before, you feel calm now.

You've always loved the rain. You don't know what's about it that draws you toward it. Maybe it was the smell of wet earth, or maybe the sound or maybe the cool breeze. But it always had a calming effect on you. A quiet peacefulness. 

And of course. 

Of course, he showed up when it's raining, you think, letting out a quiet chuckle.

Because clearly if the rain calms you down, then your soulmate will come to you drenched in rain too. It makes so much sense right now. And you are nothing if not hopelessly romantic. So even though it was cliche, way too dramatic even for you, your inner romantic is very happy.

You don't think you'll ever be able to describe how peaceful you feel right now. The pure happiness has warmed up your entire body,   making your heart feel soft. And every time you close your eyes, you see those eyes and it's like your heart settles down every time. 

You hug your knees closer to yourself and let out a content sigh. You finally understand why it felt so important to move to Seoul.

___________________________________________

The harsh air greets you like a splash of cold water as you step out of the hotel the next morning. You shudder, pulling your scarf more tightly around your neck. It's not raining anymore, but the air is misty. You walk closely behind Yung Sung and Haneul.

If it wasn't for this shitty weather, you would've explored the town. But you guys have to leave for Seoul first thing in the morning. 

The three of you make your way toward the car. Yung Sung and Haneul talk animatedly about some upcoming movies. But your eyes scan every face you can find. You didn't get much sleep last night. The excitement and giddiness have kept you awake most of the night. You look at your left, trying to find him.

Chan Soo stands right in front of the car, his hands on his hips. "Get in," he grumbles, clearly not happy about the weather. 

Yung Sung and Haneul hurriedly get into the car. But you look back and search the crowd once again. You can't cast out the hope that's blooming inside your heart. You know it's highly unlikely that he's going to be just outside your hotel. 

But still. 

Chan Soo calls out your name. You look back and he gestures for you to get into the car. You let out a small sigh, nod and make your way to the car, feeling crestfallen.

Misery creeps into your heart, but you quickly put it aside. You know that he will show up again. The hope that has developed into you overnight dims a little, because you might have been wishing that you will see him in the morning. 

But you are nothing but optimistic. You take a deep breath, the heaviness that you've felt inside your heart for the past few months is gone now, replaced by pure content. 

And as far as finding him again is concerned, as you've met him already, then you will meet him again soon. Right?