Kyle Loml - Tumblr Posts

Kyle best beloved this is so heartbreakingly good 😭

What's the answer to how to stop loving somebody?

Julian has been losing sleep at the age of seventeen trying to shut himself up and open himself up again and shut and open and shut and open and do it one thousand times back to back like he's constantly looking into a fridge for food that will never be there or constantly opening the front door in the hopes of seeing a Koa who will never be there. What's the answer to stop loving the first boy you ever loved who threw your heart aside because you're not a pretty boy and you sneer to look cool too much and you can't articulate your feelings well or use too little commas?

Here's a comma, here.

Julian opens the front door of his house again and there's no Koa. Ginger is standing outside again looking up at him so he takes her inside and gently tells her not to go outside again. Really Julian's crying in a small apartment all alone and two hours away from his childhood home because mom is too mean and too unreasonable and everybody had been talking about the pretty fifteen years old Indian boy with pretty green eyes and pretty jet black hair who moved away two years ago and Julian can't stop overthinking everything.

Walls are crumbling in the home inside Julian and maybe there's a couple hypothetical bunnies jumping around inside the house because Julian's always loved bunnies but he can't take care of one. He opens his phone to no messages from his mom or his classmates from highschool or the pretty green eyed Indian boy because Koa ghosted him a long time ago and Julian's hubris is dying and mom is too mean and Julian doesn't talk to anyone nowadays.

Sometimes he wishes he found out he liked boys a little later and after Koa left so he wouldn't have to deal with the grief of knowing what he planted in the soil could never grow because the person he trusted the most didn't want to water it. You reap what you sow but what happens when both of you sow and only one tries to reap it but there's no water and no manure and no nothing? Julian should have realised he liked boys later in his life so he wouldn't have to know that his closest friend was also the person he romantically loved the most and who left him because he didn't like what he saw.

Julian should clean up his house but he wants to cry more and the house inside smells rotten and he doesn't like it but what can he do. The bunnies are turning to dust bunnies and there's rotting food at the table and it was meant for Koa when he would come back home but he never did so what's the point really.

How do you stop loving somebody! Julian doesn't know the answer and he has been kicking and screaming trying to find one but several things are also kicking and screaming at him all at once and it feels really unfair because why are they doing that to him when he's doing that to no one? Will he rot in this apartment or will things get better? He wants to lie down and press a tear stained cheek to the wooden floor and let the rats eat his grief that's riddled its way into his flesh away but it's nowhere near working because the rats can smell the rotting food in the house inside him, sitting on the table, waiting to magically grow fresh once Koa walks inside the house with a, "I'm home, Julie!" and a kiss to Julian's stained cheeks before he cleans up the whole house and renovates it into something nicer for the two of them but when did dead men ever come back to life.

Julian opens the front door and looks outside again and the commas still haven't brought Koa back.

What's the answer to how to stop loving somebody?

Julian doesn't know but at least he knows that loving somebody who's long left you makes you believe in the most nonsensical things just so you can cling onto hope because hope keeps one alive. Which is so funny because Koa put a sack over his head and stabbed Julian a long time ago no matter how unintentional and he probably thinks it doesn't hurt Julian much but the knife went straight through his heart so maybe Julian doesn't need Koa anyway.

Julian breaks down again.