Life Up8 - Tumblr Posts
I LIVED BITCH
(cw: noncon/rape, guns, disregard for gun safety, family abuse, forced isolation, medical neglect)
wanted to save this post for until i got to a safe place, but now that i am, i can give y'all a reason why i didn't post much if at all.
its mostly because of my family.
on a scale from 1-10 (10 being the worst, 1 being the best) my mom and dad are 10, most of my dad's side of the family is like, 9.5 outside of grandma n pa. they are like an 8 or 7 depending on how pissy/petty i feel about them. my brother is like, 4. and my sister is the only one whose normal about everything so she's a 1.
the reason my mom n dad are so highly rated is because my mom would lowkey ghost me for the entire summer when school stopped, and my dad is, well, according to mom- "he never takes no as an answer."
makes me think about why i always gravitated towards noncon fanfics for wilson/maxwell. Im still working on that.
grandma n pa are 8 because my grandma defends my dad (and pretty much any violent male member of the family) and my grandpa WAVED A FUCKING LOADED GUN IN MY FACE on the day of the move. if his hand was NOT on the trigger, he could've shot me in any part of my body including my head
my brother is a 4 because he hasn't apologized for beating the shit out of me almost every day until i was 16, but he's gotten a lot better at controlling his anger.
my sister was the only one who realized that the only way she was going to stay in my life was being cautious, but also realizing why i wanted out so bad, since she went through most of this herself.
outside of that, i hid most of my art from my family because i could NOT handle the disappointment that my family would show if that their "adorable daughter" drew a guy ripping his face off, or drawing porn (tho that wasnt until years later, obviously.) thats why most of my art is violent or violent in nature. its what i grew up in. constant fights all the time. cps was called a few times but they didnt do anything outside of adding to the trauma pile
im tired and finally in a safe environment where i wont be threatened to be shipped off my dad's place, which, if that was to happen... I'd lose all of my support network, including doctors and psychiatrists. I'd be completely shut off from the outside world, including my boyfriend and friends on discord. in his mind, the internet is the reason i have such high needs, instead of, y'know, THE 'TISM.
as for my past, i have gone by "noonfish" or some variation of that on tumblr, but that was while i was stuck somewhere in the alt-right rabbit hole on yt since most of my family loves trump, which is why i nuked all of them. I am deeply ashamed of my past and i'm still working on it, i know i can be better tomorrow than i was today. If i had a nickel for every time my grandma defended a rapist, I'd have three nickels, which isnt a lot but its weird it happened with three people.
i understand if people also stop following for my previous "ties" to the alt right (i was pretty surface level, mainly memes), however i was like, what, 16? and extremely isolated to boot. Thank fuck i got anti-psychotics. i was losing my mind for YEARS due to undiagnosed schizo-affective disorder, which was in play since i was 8. I still remember the time i missed my bus going home from school in elementary school, and when my mom had me in the car, she drove into a parking space and proceeded to yell at me to stop telling the teachers because "i was scaring them" because i kept seeing shadow people in the hallways. all the doctors just assumed I was being racist or something? im not sure about that but the only thing that came out of that was me getting glasses (which, tbh i did in fact, need)
after that, it went lowkey until middle/high school, where it resurfaced again and will continue until i fucking die, so thats fun. if I didn't have schizo-affective disorder, i probably still would've fallen for the alt-right pipeline on yt when i was a child (because of unsupervised access to the internet), but at least i'd be able to make a coherent statement about it. i still hate all those people that helped make my mental illness worse to the point i thought only ohio existed for like, 6 months. shit was awful.
so yeah, thats why i've been so on n off. hope to get some art soon since its about time i should do a full render. maybe it will be two girls kissing.
How is life for you now, now that you are free?
ALTLEAST I CAN EAT FOOD WITHOUT HAVING TO TRIPLE CHECK THE EXPIRATION DATE
My grandma hoarded food so often that you can find food 2 years past the expiration date. As long as it isnt visually growing mold, she'll keep it.
You haven't tried To hurt yourself have you?
Not recently, life has been great since the move!
☆
TOM IS ACTUALLY ME HELP
guys i js found this photo pls don't come after me gn 😞🔥
lowk wanna do some lifye updates bc why not!! so anyway, i'm pretty sure me and my bf broke up bc he said he "couldn't do js a school relationship." first, js because you're more privileged does not mean you're better lil bruh!!! anyway, after that happened i was actually fine and I went to school fine today but he didn't show up.. weirdo. anyway guys theres this pimple on my lip and it hurts badly AND SO DOES MY KNEE BC I ACCIDENTALLY CUTTED MY KNEE BUT THATS FOR ANOTHER TIME HELP.. ALSO !!!!! I MADE ANOTHER ACC FOLLOW IT PLS!!!! I'LL POST FANFICS AT SOME POINT!! THE USER : @xoxogossipmal
anyway loves have a good night/day/afternoon/evening!
xoxo, mal!
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they look SO good in this picture what if I lose my mind rn
how long have i not done another life update.. gang count 4 me...ANYWAY, so do yall remember my weird ex that broke up w me bc he didn't want a school relationship????? well he's been looking at me A LOT now and I honestly think he probs wants me back or smth bc my ex is lowk a whore bc he has about maybe 6 exes.. but he has NEVERR came back to any of them. I'm special guys!!!!! 😊. I don't know what else happened in my life but I'm js rockin w it. Anyway, Have a good night/day/evening/afternoon!!!
i sound so desperate when I ask 4 muts help....
xoxo, mal!