Mark Tuan Angst - Tumblr Posts

The Fight (A)

Requested by @wangdeasang omg you requested this so long ago sorryyy ❤️❤️

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He didn’t mean to say it. It was in the heat of the moment. He let his anger get the better of him, saying things he didn’t mean. You had never seen Mark so angry, but right now you could care less. No matter how angry you were, you’d never say something so hurtful. Especially if it wasn’t true.You locked yourself in the bathroom crying your eyes out. Mark’s banging on the door spilling out apologies and saying how he didn’t mean to call you that. He knew how much you hated the word, yet he still said it.

“Y/N, please!” He yells through the door. “I’m sorry! What can I do to make it up to you?! I’ll do anything! Please!”

He went on and on. You just wanted some time to yourself. To think.

“Just leave!” You yell back before continuing to sob into your hands.

Mark wanted to tell you he wasn’t going anywhere, that he was going to stay until he knew you two were okay. But when he heard you crying and sobbing through the door, it broke him. So he left, hoping some alone time was all you needed.

You stopped crying long enough to hear his footsteps get quieter and quieter before hearing the front door open and close. You wash your face and finally exit the bathroom. You walk to your bedroom and throw yourself on the bed. Your nose is stuffed and your head hurts from crying for so long. You just wanted to sleep, but your mind was going too crazy. What if this was the breaking point for you two? You couldn’t even begin to imagine not being together. The thought of waking the next few days without him after this fight was too much. You broke into tears again eventually crying yourself to sleep.

—

While Mark was out he bought everything you loved. Your favorite candy, food, movies, flowers, and even considered buying you a puppy. If it wasn’t for how late it was and the pet store being close he definitely would have. He came back around 3AM quietly putting everything where they belong. He cracked the bedroom door open and saw you curled up with your face in his pillow. This made him smile, he thought maybe you’d forgive him. He gently closed the door and slept on the couch.

—

The next morning you wake up and your eyes feel even more puffier than usual. You walk to the bathroom and wash up and feel so refreshed as you walk to the kitchen. You almost forgot about the fight with Mark until you walk past him sleeping on the couch with a giant bouquet of your favorite flowers on the coffee table in front of him. Next to the flowers you see your favorite candy.You want to cry again.

You walk over to him and squat in front of the couch. You run your hand through his hair and softly kiss his forehead. You watch him sleep as your eyes began to water. Now you feel bad, as if maybe you did overreact. As you sniffle, you see Mark start to stir from his sleep and watch as he slowly blinks his eyes open. Once he realizes you’re sitting in front of him crying he jumps up with wide eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He asks voice full of concern, “Are you still upset? Do you want me to leave?” His voice gets quieter.

You look up at him snd smile, “No. Please don’t leave.” You wrap your arms around him.

“Ever.”

A wave of relief washes over Mark as he watches you smile against him and knows that you’re still his and he’s still yours. However, he’s still afraid you don’t know how much he regretted what he said as soon as he said it.

“I’m so sorry, princess. I swear I will never call you that again. I love you so much. I never want to fight again.” Now he’s got a few tears spilling.

You chuckle lightly, “I love you too.”

He kisses your lips once, twice, then so many times that you lose count. Mark pulls you up onto the couch and lays you on your back as he begins kissing down your neck.

“I want to show how sorry I am in so many other ways,” he whispers against your skin.

What We Used To Be

Pairing: Cheating!Mark Tuan x Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1k

Summary: In which you discover your heart is with Mark, but his is not with you.

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He reeks of her, and the smell lingers.

Almost like a pungent odor that just won't leave.

For three days now he's come home smelling like her and now the scent can't help but be ingrained into your memory. Not by choice of course, but it's hard to ignore it when it clings desperately onto the man lying next to you.

It's a sweet smell. Sickly sweet, and you hate the perfume almost as much as you hate the girl who wears it. Yes, you know who the smell belongs to. It took some time to connect the dots, but a casual run in with your sister a few days ago answered any questions you had.

All it took was a slight breeze. A quick whiff, and you knew...

Of course you denied it at first. It's just a coincidence...just because she wears the same perfume doesn't mean it's her...she's your sister she would never do that to you...

But then you began to notice the longing glances, their shift in closeness, but most of all the messages. It all made sense.

To say you were shocked would be putting it lightly. You felt a mixture of several emotions, some being stronger than others. It could be said that what you felt was mostly anger. You were angry at yourself for being fooled into thinking you were the only one. Angry at you sister for betraying you to the fullest extent, for hurting you in a way that family shouldn't. Angry at Mark for making you believe he loved you.

Nothing could prepare you for the blow that was this. It's one thing to discover your significant other is sneaking around with someone else, but a whole other ballgame when you find out that the someone else is your own family.

Family. The people you're meant to be able to count on for anything. Unconditional love and support, listening to your hopes, your dreams. Even your aches and pains; your sorrows. The people you're meant to trust.

Funny, guess family doesn't mean that to some people.

You now toss and turn. Restless and unable to sleep. It shouldn't bother you as much as it does, seeing as you haven't slept well for a good three days now. How could you sleep comfortably, knowing that the man lying beside you was with your sister not even an hour ago?

Glancing at the bedside clock, you read the time. 4:00am. Mark got home at 3:30 and you would know since you waited up for him. He doesn't know this, but you know about his late night rendezvous. At least once a week, sometimes twice, the two of them meet up around the same time. He leaves at 1:00am when he thinks you’re asleep and returns at 3:15-3:30am. A constant cycle.

However, this week they've met up twice and now three times after tonight. They've gotten bolder, more sure of their ability to not be caught. Completely unaware of the fact that they are already, in fact, caught.

You would cry, but you’re pretty sure you ran out of tears weeks ago after you first began suspecting he was cheating. If anything, you find yourself hurt and angry....and disappointed. Deep down, you want to hold on to what you used to have-what you used to be, but you know it's no longer there. What you hold to now, is nothing but an empty shell. Hollow, cold, and dark.

You look at him now and wonder where you both went wrong, what could have been done differently, if you just weren’t good enough. As he rests peacefully, unaware of your inner turmoil, you lie awake cold, despite the warmth of his body so close. It brings no comfort, not like it used to. In fact, nothing about him feels the same anymore. His touch, his smile, his kiss, his love. You feel nothing, except for a numbness that's settled in the hollow of your bones and deep in your veins.

Your sullen thoughts suddenly turn to Jackson. Your best friend, partner in crime, and unfortunately your sister's boyfriend. It’s not certain if he's aware of his girlfriend's nightly excursions, but if he doesn't he'll know tomorrow morning. You’ll make sure of it.

Ever since the connections were made about her and Mark, it's been haunting you that you haven't told Jackson. It's been three days since you found out and you haven't spoken a word. Mainly because you were still unable to comprehend the idea that your own sister and boyfriend were willing to hurt you in such a way and you didn't want to believe it. But also because you knew it would destroy Jackson if you told him. However, as his friend you know you have to tell him. No matter what, you had to. Even if it hurts. It would hurt you both more in the end if this secret is kept to yourself.

You told him to meet you for breakfast early tomorrow at your favorite spot. Of course he happily agreed, believing everything is fine and normal. You’re not sure how, but you've been able to fool almost everyone into believing that all is fine and nothing is wrong with your relationship at all. Everyone but your brother, Jinyoung. He probably knows that something is up, but you’re unsure if he knows what's really happening.

Mark shifts a bit in his sleep, reaching his arm out to wrap around your waist, tugging you closer to him. You lie still, waiting. Waiting to see if you can still feel that same spark in his touch like you could before, but...there’s nothing. No longer able to look at the person who you once called the love of your life, you pull away, rolling onto your side and resigning to instead stare at the wall in front of you. Lying in wait until sleep gently takes you into its grasp.

A/N: Okay, so this was my first time writing something like this, so I’m sorry if it sucks. Let me know what you guys think

What We Used To Be (Part 2 soon)

Okay so, I’m getting more positive feedback then I thought I would on my last post which is really great and I really appreciate the love. It was originally intended to not have a sequel, but I think I’ll make one since I see a few of you requested it. Expect to see it soon!

What We Are Now

Sequel to: What We Used To Be

Pairing: Cheating!Mark Tuan x Reader  Best Friend!Jackson Wang x Reader

Genre: Angst, Some Fluff (but mostly angst hehe)

Word Count: 3.4K (way longer than part 1 lol)

Summary: In which you discover your heart is with Mark, but his is not with you.

A/N: it’s been a long time coming for this. Sorry it took so long. Enjoy 😊

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You now sat in your car across the street from the cafe. Anxious, scared, heartbroken and a million other things that words couldn’t possibly describe. You had been sitting here in the same spot for about 15 minutes or so, just trying to build up the nerve to even get out of the vehicle with no such luck.

With your hands on the wheel, you tighten your grip until your knuckles begin to pale, taking a shaky breath in an attempt to settle your nerves. You can feel the sweat building in your palms and your heart rate rising, now pounding in your ears. You haven't even said a word to him yet and you were already beginning to panic.

The engine was still running, and for a brief moment you were tempted to just drive off - leave without a trace and act as if you had never even bothered to show up. It's not like Jackson had noticed you yet. In fact, you were watching him through your window as he talked to a waitress, no doubt ordering half the menu as he waited patiently for you to arrive.

Just the sight of him had made your heart clench in your chest.

Why him? Why us? You thought to yourself.

You were terrified of how he'd take the news. It pained you deeply to see your friend hurt, but seeing him heartbroken would be twice as painful. You knew better than anyone how in love he was with your sister - how utterly infatuated. To tell him that the love of his life was sneaking around, and with his supposed best friend no less? It would destroy him.

You could almost picture the look on his face, desperate, hoping that what you were telling him was some cruel joke you took too far. His fists as they clenched, tense, while he waited for the punch line followed by your laughter and teasing smile. Then painful realization. You're not laughing and there is no punch line; only the bitter truth and your shoulder to cry on. The image caused your eyes to well up against your will, but you wipe your face before the salty tears could begin fall.

Taking a brief glance around, the street you were parked on was fairly busy. The side walks were a bit crowded on both sides, filled with consumers coming and going from the surrounding shops. Their arms filled with bags and boxes in various colors and sizes. You were more than sure that anyone passing had caught some, if not all, of your small breakdown, and with that in mind you decided to give yourself a few more minutes to get your bearings before finally getting out of your car.

Closing your eyes, you take one last deep breath as you lean back into your seat. The radio was on, filling in as background noise along with the shuffling of pedestrians and the humming of engines. A catchy pop tune sounded softly through the speakers and fell lightly on your ears. The entire song was the complete opposite of how you felt at the moment. You weren't happy and you damn sure weren't singing from the rooftops about how in love you were. You were heartbroken and immensely concerned Jackson was going to feel the same way quite soon.

Slowly, you reach up taking hold of the keys, turning off the engine. You make a sad attempt at stalling by taking your time to gather your things before venturing out of your car. After locking it, you turn and watch as cars continued to speed by, waiting for an opening between vehicles before crossing the street. As you reach the side walk, you face the coffee shop that was a few yards away.

The cafe had an outdoor seating area you and Jackson would enjoy when the weather was nice on days like this, so it was no surprise to find that he had saved you both a table outside.

He looked happy, laughing as he made conversation with the couple seated next to him. It was hard watching him smile since you knew you were the one that could easily wipe it away with just a few words.

Just one quick sentence and his entire relationship would shatter like broken glass. Just like yours did, but you yourself, knew that there wasn't a point in picking up the broken remains of what you and Mark used to be because in the reflections of those shards is what you are now...what you'll always be.

Drawing closer to the shop your thoughts wander and you began to reflect on your decision. Exactly what you didn't want to think about. You had all the confidence in the world last nigh as you had tossed and turned in bed, restless. Hell, even on the drive over you were so sure that this was the right choice. However, as soon as you reached the shop, the wall that you built between you and the overwhelming amount of self-doubt cracked under pressure.

What if he doesn't believe me? What if he does believe me, but hates me for telling him? What if he hates me because I took too long to tell him?

These and a multitude of other scenarios played on a loop in your mind now. All with bad endings, including, but not limited to: an angry Jackson and you crying your eyes out. You just couldn't see this meeting ending on a good note, but to be honest, this wasn't going to end well for either one of you. You had to tell him because what kind of friend would you be if you didn't tell him that his girlfriend, your sister, was cheating on him with your boyfriend, his best friend?

Stepping closer to the table, you try to put on a smile for Jackson when he sets his eyes on you, but it almost doesn't feel right on your face. He waves you over, his arms flailing about excitedly, his grin ever present, and despite yourself, you chuckle. Even on your worst days he knew how to make you laugh without trying, it was one of the many things that made him such a great friend. Another was how honest he was, he prided himself on that.

When you and Jackson first became friends you had noticed how truthful he was in your relationship. He confided in you for everything and in turn he influenced you to do the same without even realizing. Over the years, your bond grew and so did your trust in each other. Secrets are things you didn't and still don't keep from each other.

In telling him what you know now, you hope that you're doing your friendship justice. You hope you’re being a good friend.

Taking the seat in front of Jackson, you push your fears aside as best you could. I'm doing the right thing. I know I am.

“Helloooo, y/n!” He sang cheerfully as he leaned forward onto the table, placing his head in his hand.

You give a faint smile in return, “Hey Jackson.” You try your best to avoid his eyes, turn to hand your purse on your chair.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead and ordered for you when the waitress came by.” In the corner of you eye you can see him take a sip from his water. “You always get the same thing every time we come here anyway, so I figured why not.”

At this you face him, your worries forgotten momentarily at his accusation. “I do not always get the same thing! I try new things!”

Jackson laughs with a gentle shake of his head. “Yeah sure you do.” The sarcasm clear as day in his tone.

You scoff slightly, “I do! When we came here a few weeks ago I tried their Eggs Benedict.”

He rolls his eyes at this. “Okay I’ll give you that, but I distinctly remember you hating it and then immediately telling the waitress to bring out your usual. Cinnamon apple French toast with extra cinnamon butter, a side of sausage links and a glass of orange juice...,” he leans back in his seat looking smug, “...no pulp.”

You purse your lips, internally cursing the man for his good memory. It’s not your fault the French toast is so good, the stuff was like crack. “In my defense, the eggs were too salty, okay?”

He grins, “Of course they were, bub.”

On cue, the waitress returns with your glass of fresh orange juice, no pulp, just how you like it, before heading off to another table.

You both eye the cold glass before your eyes snap to each other. Jackson raises a brow and goes to speak, but you raise a hand cutting him off.

Fighting a smile you say, “Don’t even.”

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say!”

“Yeah, actually I do.” You start, picking up the straw your waitress has placed on the table. Unwrapping it and dropping it into your glass. “You were about to mock me and say something along the lines of, ‘Omg thank you for ordering for me Jackson! You’re the greatest friend ever and I don’t know how I could ever live without you.’” You finish, speaking in a higher voice as a way of imitating him mocking how you sound.

He pauses, looking everywhere but at you for a few seconds before speaking up. “I was not gonna say that...”

“Uhhhh Yeah you were!” You say letting out a genuine laugh.

“Fine, I was gonna say it,” he admits, “but it sounds so much better when it’s coming from you, and you’re welcome by the way” He finish with a cheeky smile.

You hadn’t meant to, but after only a few minutes of playful banter with your best friend, you had already forgotten what you had came here to tell him.

It was so easy to forget your troubles when you were with Jackson. He just had a way with people, whether it was voice and the way he spoke or maybe even the way he made you laugh so effortlessly. He just had this aura about him that made it so hard to not be happy and carefree when you were with him. It was times like this when you especially loved that about him, but it wouldn’t last. It was only the calm before the storm.

About 20 minutes had passed when your waitress had come by with your food. She sat your plates in front of you with ease, the sweet aroma of syrup and cinnamon wafted into your nose, your mouth instantly watering. She kindly told you both to enjoy before making her way back inside.

You look at Jackson’s plate of steaming pancakes that was placed in front of him. The butter placed on top was already beginning to melt and trail off the side, dripping next to his slices of bacon.

He was already beginning to dig in as you glanced back at your plate. Four slices of French toast were layed out and dressed with slices of cinnamon apples on top. Off to the side were two small ramekins of cinnamon butter, ready to be spread onto the hot toast. You had an extra plate with 4 small sausage links as well.

You quickly go to melt the butter onto your French toast as Jackson goes to pour syrup on his pancakes. You catch him as he glances up to look at you, and make a show of smelling your food, inhaling deeply and rolling your eyes back. You smile and gesture to your plate, “literal crack.”

He seems to ponder your statement, appearing deep in thought before responding. “That actually explains a lot of your behavior.”

You snort as you take a bite of your food. “Rude.”

He smiles, but it fades as he eyes you for a bit, his eyes scanning over your face. If he finds something that seems off, he doesn’t show it, but he places his fork down and waits for you to finish chewing before talking.

“Y/N....,” he starts slowly.

Sensing that the mood was about to take a dive, you readied yourself while sipping your orange juice, “Yeah?”

Jackson crosses his arms and leans onto the table, tilting his head slightly as he watches you. “What’s going on with you?”

Suddenly you remember why you’re here in the first place and you almost drop your glass. The force of the memories hits you like a punch in the gut, knocking the air out of you all at once. You play it off, however, not nearly as ready to discuss it as you once were.

“What do you mean?” You ask, sitting your drink down and picking up your fork to take another bite of your food.

“Do you really think I didn’t notice you in your car earlier?” You heart drops in your chest “Y/N I saw you as soon as you pulled up.”

His name falls off your tongue as nothing more than a whisper, “Jackson...”

“I didn’t say anything because I thought you’d tell me yourself, but we’ve been here for nearly an hour and you haven’t said a thing about it.”

The tremors in your hands were becoming too much, so you dropped your fork to clasp them in your lap. You were now looking at anything, but Jackson, knowing that if you looked at him the damm would break and the tears you had been holding back all day would finally fall and wouldn’t stop.

Last night you told yourself, when you set up this meeting with Jackson, that you’d tell him everything and hold nothing back. You never did think about how you were going to tell him though. What do you even say? How do you even lead into that?

“Hey,” Jackson calls softly. You look across the table to see his hand stretched out to you. Slowly you reach out and grasp it, his fingers now wrapping around yours. “You can tell me anything Y/N, you know that. I’ll be here for you no matter what it is. I always have been and I always will be. Please tell me what’s bothering you.”

Taking a deep, but shaky breath, you look up at Jackson to see him gazing back at you with concerned expression. His full attention was on you and it was clear that all he wanted was to help, but could he?

You open your mouth to speak, but it was as if the words that wanted to come out couldn’t, staying put in your throat and turning your mouth to cotton. You try to swallow, but it was just about impossible with how dry your mouth had become. Reaching over, you go to grab your glass of juice and almost knock it over in your nervous haste.

Catching it before it falls, Jackson hands it to you and you take it graciously, nearly choking as you down the rest of the glass. Sighing, you peek back over to see that his eyes still hadn’t strayed from you.

“I-I uh I...I don’t know where to start.” You begin.

He gives you a small, reassuring smile. “How about from the beginning?”

You nod hesitantly at this direction. You decide it best not to drag it out any longer and cut to the chase. “Mark is umm...he’s cheating on me.”

Jackson doesn’t look surprised, which shocks you, but his eyes seem to darken a shade and he visibly tenses. He clenches his jaw once...twice and then he speaks.

“And you know this for a fact, Y/N?”

You furrow your brows as you nod your head. “Yeah, he sneaks out to meet with her at least two times a week, but it would be three times after last night. Not to mention all the messages.” Your voice cracking slightly at the end.

Sensing your distress, Jackson’s grip on your hand tightens. “Jesus Y/N how long have you known about this? Why didn’t you say anything or at least tell me?”

You shake your head, looking down at the table. “I don’t know, I was in denial I guess. I just...,” you trail off as tears start to fall, “I don’t understand what I did wrong.”

“Y/N, look at me.” He reaches across the table with his free hand to lift your chin. As you look at him the tears fall a bit faster.

“I just don’t know what she has that I don’t.” You manage to say through your broken sobs. “Where was I lacking?”

Jackson frowns at the question and wipes away the wetness on your face. “Don’t compare yourself to her Y/N, okay? As your best friend, I refuse to have you questioning your worth. You are in no way lacking at all and it’s unfortunate that he has you asking yourself that. You are one the most incredible people I have ever met, and if Mark doesn’t realize how amazing you are and is missing out by running around with some other girl, than that’s his own damn fault. Not yours, understand?”

You nod softly as he moves his hand from your face, “Thank you, Jackson.”

Jackson’s words bring a slight smile to your face. He was right. It wasn’t your fault that Mark chose someone else over you. You gave your all in your relationship with him, while he only ever went halfway, never seeming to care enough give more than he took. It never started out that way of course, but unfortunately people don’t always change for the better.

You feel Jackson’s thumb rubbing circles into the back of your hand. A soothing motion, but as you watch him it seems as if he was one the one searching for comfort. His eyes seem dark, like they’ve lost their previous shine and now you can easily spot the bags under his eyes that weren’t there before. He looks tired, very tired.

His eyes snap to you suddenly. He goes to speak, but then shut his mouth just as soon as he opens it. It’s obvious he has something on his mind that’s bothering him, but clearly some sort of inner conflict is holding him back.

You squeeze his hand as a form of comfort. “Jackson, it’s alright. You can say it.”

He chews on his bottom lip briefly before asking, “Do...you know? Who she is?”

There it was. It was a question you were dreading having to answer since this conversation started. You knew the answer and you knew it would hurt him which is why you was scared to respond, but for whatever reason Jackson appeared to be equally as nervous as you. Did he maybe already know the answer to his own question? Did he suspect?

You nod your head slowly as an answer.

His next words are simply. “Who?”

You now have a hard time trying to speak at this point. Knowing it is one thing, but speaking it aloud just made it more real. You didn’t want any of this to be real. It was though and there was nothing that could be done to change that.

So you ripped the bandaid off.

“My sister, your girlfriend.” You said softly.

But maybe the bandaid didn’t really need ripping.

“I knew it.”

You stared at Jackson for some time, blankly and then in shock. He knew? He knew. He knew! Did he know the entire time? Why didn’t he tell you? Maybe the same reason’s it took you so long to tell him.

As if he could hear your train of thought, he explains. “I had a feeling, I mean I suspected but I just wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to go pointing fingers and bringing up Mark’s name and upsetting you, but now you go and tell me he’s cheating on you and...it just made sense. I just didn’t want to...”

“Believe it...?” I finish for him.

“Yeah.”

You reach out your other hand, so now both of yours were holding his. “I’m so sorry Jackson. You deserve so much better, especially after everything you’ve done for her. It’s my job as your best friend to be here for you. Whenever you need me, I’m there. Also, don’t even think about comparing yourself to Mark because I’ll tell you right now that you’re way better than him by far!” You state.

He gives a small laugh, “Thanks Y/N.”

You’re both quiet now, lost in your own thoughts and frozen in a moment of indicision. Around you, however, life go on. The cars are still driving by, the couple next to you is still enjoying their meal, shoppers are still store hopping, carrying loads of bags. You two though, are still stuck as to how to go on like the rest of the world.

Desperate to break the silence you offer a question. A simple one, but quite loaded in your case. “Well where do we go from here? What do we do?”

His eyes slowly move from the busy street to you, and the pain you find in them is striking, like a knife to the chest. “We do what we have to.”

You then lower your gaze back to your food that you no longer found appealing; the conversation having rid you of your appetite. You were poking at your plate when Jackson called you.

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?”

He was watching the street again as he answered. “Thank you.”

Confused at his statement, you press him. “For what?”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “For being a good friend.”

You’re not sure if he knew, but in that moment a single tear had fallen from his eyes.