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Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings!!!

Angst

Not me

You never wanted to know what a broken heart felt like, but if someone were to ask you, you would say it’s the same as having broken ribs. Nobody can see it, but the pain is agonizing every time you breathe.  

You remember the first time you ever laid eyes on her from across the room. She looked happy but even from a distance you could tell her eyes held a story like no other. You remember laughing when your friend Kate said, "Love is when you look into someone’s eyes and see everything you need,” but the moment that her green eyes met yours, suddenly it didn’t feel so laughable. You looked back and she was gone. You remember mentally hitting yourself for not gathering the courage to get up and talk to her. You caught her figure as she left the small Café you were currently sitting in and watched her leave your line of vision.

You had never been more thankful towards Kate then the day she forced you to a club. All you wanted was to stay home and cuddle with your favourite being in the world, Fetcher, your pet owl. He was your brother, you confidante and at that time the reason for your existence. Fortunately, Kate lured you out using her most prized weapon…chocolate chip cookies.  

“WOULD YOU QUIT POUTING?” Kate had screamed so you could hear her through the blasting music of the club.

“NO! I’m going to be spending my Sunday morning looking after your drunk ass NOT to mention you’re going to have a very nasty hang over!” You replied, raising my voice so I could be heard.  

“Well, you could try mingling around, it’s not my fault you’re here pouting,” she yelled back. Just as you opened your mouth to respond, you felt a soft tap on your shoulder. Hastily turning around, you froze on your spot the second you realised who it was. You looked at her and shamelessly stared at her facial features. From her stunning green eyes to her pink plump lips, that you didn’t realise were moving until Kate gave you a shoulder bump to bring you back to reality. When you focused back on the beautiful stranger, you found a clear smirk on her face whilst she looked at you expectantly.  

“Uh, I’m sorry. Can you repeat that?” You let out a nervous laugh as you felt you blood rush to your cheeks. She giggled and you found the sound like a perfect lullaby, something you knew you could never get tired of listening to, no matter how many time you heard it.  

“I was wondering if this seat was taken, and if I could buy you a drink?” She nervously bit her lip and as you heard the words leave her mouth you knew that your face was just as red as her hair. No girl has ever asked to buy you a drink.  

“Uh yeah, I would love that. I’m Y/n , by the way.”

“Natasha.”

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” you winked and mentally high fived yourself when you noticed her blush.  

June 17: probably one of your favourite memories, you remember it quite fondly. You were layin down with Natasha’s head on your lap, a peaceful silence surrounding you both. You were thinking really hard about those three words that were on the tip of your tongue, that no matter how ard you tried they wouldn’t leave your mouth. You felt like a coward but this was the you first relationship so you didn’t know how long you were supposed to wait.

“Babe?” You heard Natasha’s angelic voice pulling you out of your thoughts.  

“Yes, baby girl?”

“I was thinking…” she continued speaking but you couldn’t hear anything she was saying, too focused on the way her lips moved, not caring that she was mid-sentence. You kissed her. She was surprised but responded just as passionately.  

“I love you.” You said. She didn’t reply and you staring panicking, had you said the right thing? Was it too soon? You were about to apologise when she said, “I love you too.” You felt your grin spread across your face. She kissed you and you both quickly got lost in each other, melting in each other’s embrace.  

Out of all your memories you couldn’t decide which day was the happiest of your life, whether it was when you first met, first kiss, first time, first I love you, maybe when you proposed and she cried, as she screamed yes, or maybe when she sealed your fate and you heard her say the two fateful words come out of her mouth. “I do”. Or maybe when she came running and brought you into a bone crashing hug when she got her dream job. Although she had to leave for seven months, before she could relocate home, you knew you’d make it work. It was painful to see her leave on that plane; you could still taste the saltiness on your lips from the goodbye kiss. As the plane took off, you remember desperately praying that the next 7 months passed by quickly.  

Facetimes every day, good morning and goodnight text became the new normal in your life to communicate with the girl you were desperately in love with. She told you all about her co-workers and what the city was like. Although it was hard, you made it. The seven months flew by and you found yourself back at the airport but this time you left happier with the love of my life in your arms.

Tuesday 25th of May. The one day you wish you could forget. The memory is still very much imprinted on your brain. You had a late day at work and came home exhausted, all you wanted to do is sit down and cuddle your wife to forget the awful day you had. As you entered the house you spotted the purple blouse you had gifted her for her 25th birthday laying next to brown trousers.

It was at that moment that you knew.

You weren’t sure exactly how you knew, but you did, and you never wished to be more wrong in your life, but you saw the physical evidence right in front of you when you walked into your bedroom. The sight brought you to your knees. The harsh sound of your knees meeting the floor alerted your wife and her ‘friend’. As you both locked eyes you noticed the instant guilt and shame on the same eyes you fell in love with. Your vision clouded and you could no longer bear to stand in the place you once called home. Hearing Natasha’s shouts of your name you walked away as fast as your legs would let you when they felt so weak.

You found shelter in an old cottage. Two weeks later she arrived at your door. You didn’t want to let her in, but you didn’t have the heart to send her away after all, this was hers as well. You invited her in knowing you would have to prepare for an emotional conversation. That’s a mistake you wish you could take back more than anything. You both sat down, a silence that was once peaceful between you both turned into an awkward tension. When Natasha realized that you weren’t going to break the silence she spoke.  

“I knew you’d be here,” she said. You could tell by the look in her eyes that she was thinking back to all those memories the both of you had made. And so were you. Then reality came crushing down and you remembered why you were here in the first place.

“Who is he?” You winced when there was a noticeable crack in your voice.  

“His name is Steve, I met him at a conference meeting for work,” she told me.

“How long? And why?” You asked, looking up when you were met with stunned silence.

“How Long? And why?” You demanded, rising from the couch.  

“F-five months,” She stuttered. You sat down feeling so void of any emotion but being overwhelmed by it all at the same time.

“Why?” you quietly breathed out.

“I-I don’t know, I-it all happened so fast and next thing I know we were kissing and without noticing I fell in love with him. I swear it was never my intention to hurt you like this,” She admitted refusing to meet my eyes.

If my world wasn’t already broken beyond repair it certaintly was now. I could no longer keep my tears hidden.  

“Why are you telling me this?” You whispered

“I need you to sign this.”  

The memories are blurry as your brain still refuses to believe this happened, but you remember storming out after refusing to sign the divorce papers. You couldn’t do it. How could you? You loved her no matter what. You begged her to reconsider, screamed that you could make it work but yet she chose him. So, you walked away from best thing you ever had. You felt worthless and rejected. No other emotion ever made itself known, not even sadness.

And now here you were sitting on the top of a tree watching down as you saw Alexie lead her down the aisle once more, though you weren’t the one on the receiving end, you promised yourself you would be there for her on her happiest day. As you heard the vows and the declaration she looked up, shock evident on her face as you both locked eyes for the last time.

You lost your fight a long time ago, the second you gave her up, but as you stared at each other you realised that giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak. Sometimes it means that you strong enough to let go, even if it kills you in the process. She will always be you greatest love, and the most painful goodbye.  

Maybe in another lifetime she would choose you.