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It's Not Your Fault

Kinich x reader! In which:

Your boyfriend comes home from work and the first sentence he told you was "somebody kissed me today."

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It was almost midnight, the time your boyfriend told you he'd come home. Like many other times when he had to work till late, you sat on the couch with a lamp illuminating the book in your hands so that you can tell the letters apart. The plot wasn't particularly interesting, but the characters were relatable and pretty well written.

Just as you were getting to the climax of the story, you heard the sound of the door unlocking. Without hesitation, you put down your book (after placing a bookmark betweent the pages of course) and leaped towards the front entrance to welcome your beloved home. Barely did the door open when you had already thrown yourself at the figure before you.

"Honey! Welcome home," you grinned, nuzzling your cheek into the crook of his neck. Usually he would've greeted you back by now, but all you got was an arm weakly patting against your back. Noticing this, you stepped back to see what was up.

"Kinich? You alright?" you asked worriedly. His face was a few shades paler than you remember, his eyes didn't meet yours and he kept opening and closing his mouth. Something was clearly wrong.

After a while of silence, he seemed to have found his words again. Monotonously, he uttered the following words.

"Somebody kissed me today."

In an instant, it felt as if a cold bucket of water was dumped onto you, rendering you speechless for a moment. However, it wouldn't have mattered if you could speak or not, for he was not done yet.

"I made it clear that I had a lover already, but she didn't listen and while I was occupied with something else she just did it," he explained calmly and shortly. If you had not been with him for so long, you might've misunderstood his calm as apathy, his sparse amount of words as him trying to brush it off as nothing and his unwillingness to look at you as disrespect.

But you had been with him for this long. You knew that rather than being calm, it was him struggling to express his emotions, instead of trying to downplay the situation he was just being extra blunt under stress and it wasn't that he doesn't think you're not important enough to be looked at while talking, he just didn't know how to look at you anymore.

"I- I thought I'd tell you before any misunderstanding happens. I'm pretty sure there were no witnesses but just in case someone tries to tell you anything I wanted to tell you and well I... I..."

The panic he felt was evident to you. It's hard not to see with his eyes frantically darting from furniture to furniture, his hands clenching and unclenching again, his breath going in and out at a faster pace than the one that had the power to lull you to sleep. There came a point where you couldn't bear seeing him like this anymore.

"Kinich," you called out. He stopped every movement, so did his heart for a second. "Kinich, look at me."

Only then did he finally meet your gaze. Vibrant yellows, greens and a bit of orange. How you adored his eyes, even now as his pupils dilated and tears threatening to roll down his pretty face. Slowly, as to not scare him, you opened your arms invitingly.

Immediately he moved into the safety of your embrace, wrapping around you and burying his face into your shoulder. Not long after, you felt his body quiver as soft sniffles sounded next to your ear.

"It's alright. It's not your fault, so don't you worry. It's all gonna be fine," you whispered soothingly, hoping to relieve him of the burden as much as you can, even though you yourself weren't so thrilled to hear about it.

"But I-," he was interrupted by a rather quiet hiccup, a skill he mastered at 5, "I could've stopped it. It would've been so easy."

"Don't put the blame on yourself, you were doing something else, weren't you? She exploited that and did something you have made clear was taboo. You can't be at fault for this."

Although your words made sense to him logically, and he himself already knew this on his way back home, he couldn't convince his feelings that you were speaking the truth. They kept telling him that you were only saying this so that he'd calm down and let his guard down, so that you could leave while he was in a faux sense of safety. The mixture of shame, guilt and fear was crushing him.

He hated everything about the current situation, even the heat radiating off of you. He hated how weak he felt, how his emotions were so overwhelming, how his mind won't just accept the logical truth, how he dared to doubt your words, how he had the audacity to seek comfort in your embrace despite said doubts and what he had done.

Why were you being so lenient, why were you being gentle with him when he had betrayed you? What will be the price for this? Both the betrayal from his side and the leniency you showed meant that he was now indebted to you, by a lot in fact. How will this debt be payed? There was only one possibility in his mind and the thought of it sent whatever was left of his rationale went flying out the window.

The hold he had on you tightened. His fingers dug into the side of your arms, making you wince a bit but you didn't let go of him. Memories flashed before him, terror had his heart in a grip like it's trying to suffocate him and fear flooded his mind, drowning out all thoughts.

"Please, oh please don't..."

He let out a shaky breath.

"Please, don't leave me, I'll do whatever it takes to make up for it but please, I beg of you and I promise I'll be enough, I'll do enough, just please don't go away, I'll be good, really..."

The boy's rambling continued, repeating words like a prayer, but it was so quiet you barely heard him, despite your ear being right beside him. The speed at which the words spilled out of his mouth made the words even more intelligible, but you realized where his mind was at as soon as you understood "leave."

"Hey, hey, no. I'm not gonna leave you, you don't have to pay me anything. One only has to pay when they gain something in return, but you didn't gain anything from that kiss, right?"

Your voice cracked a bit at the end, the thought of Kinich liking the kiss of someone else stinged like a needle. To your slight reassurance, he nodded into your shoulder.

"Then you don't have to pay for anything. See? I'll stay, there's nowhere else I'd want to be more than with you, I'm not going anywhere."

"But I broke our promise and hurt your trust, I should compensate for it, I have to," he continued to argue, as if trying hard to not let you convince him.

"Nonsense, you didn't do anything to me, it was that... person, who did you wrong." As an attempt to ground him back into reality, you tangled your fingers into his hair and rubbed his scalp softly. That always calmed him down, and though this time was no exception, the effect was less than usual.

"The fact that I told you already counts as hurting you. I know you're hurt by this," he retorted, now less hysteric, and you knew that he wasn't all that wrong. But still, you continued talking him out of his worries.

"A misunderstanding would've done more damage to me, telling me right away was the safest option and the one with the least damage potential. You made the choice that has the least cons for me."

Finally, he had nothing to argue with and the room fell still. Talking about pros and cons of choices may seem odd, and you would've found it very odd, had you heard this conversation a few years ago, but throughout your time together you had learnt that this was just the way Kinich was able to receive comfort. He couldn't accept simple, genuine things in relationships without paying something back, that was just what he had learnt from his childhood. Nothing comes without a price, so when someone claims something to be free, he can only face it with suspicion and disbelief.

"I won't leave you, ever. You're the only I love, the only one I trust so much and I know you only have my best interests in mind. Just your existence is enough and what you do for me, well it's more than I could ever hope to receive from a person," you spoke with a hushed tone and stepped away from the hug. The corners of his eyes were reddened and a bit of snot ran down his nose, but he looked as beautiful as ever. Delicately, you took both his hands and entertwined his slender digits in your own.

"There are more reasons to stay with you than I can count on both our fingers, you know? In contrast, I see none why I should leave. Well, aside from Ajaw, he's the only thing tainting my time with you. On the other hand though, I must say, seeing you bicker is quite entertaining," you laughed light-heartedly. To that, he smiled a little.

"Thank you," he murmured and leaned in for a kiss, one you gently returned. It didn't last very long, nor was it particularly passionate, but it expressed everything he wanted to tell you and you understood everything that he said.

"Should we go to sleep now? I'm sure you're tired from all the work. Come on, go get yourself ready for bed, I'll be waiting," you urged him, getting a hum of agreement in return. Content with that, you went to fetch your book, that was still on the couch, and stepped towards your shared bedroom.

Not long after, Kinich entered the room as well, still rubbing his hair with a towel. You were already under the blanket, watching him change into his pajamas and eventually lay down beside you. Wordlessly, he slid his limbs around your midrift and you cradled his head, which was pressed up against your chest. Your legs tangled together until neither of you knew where he started and where you ended. At last you peacefully drifted to sleep, aware that the other is always beside you.

Legit woke up in the middle of the night to write this, knowing full well I had school the next day, all because the idea came to me. Well anyways hope you enjoyed and have a pleasant day or night.