No Compassion - Tumblr Posts

I am not terribly social at work, but i used to be on friendly terms with one of my coworkers before they switched employers. Two years ago their spouse had an accident; the spouse and a friend blew up a shed they were inside of.

I don't know the story well mostly because the two didn't remember much of what happened. They were using propane for something and one of them absentmindedly lit a joint. Both were lucky to be alive.

My response when I found out was probably normalish:

" I'm so sorry! That must have been so scary! Are they ok? Are you okay? Are your kids okay? Is there anything you need? How can I help?"

His response? "What a fucking moron. You can't be friends with someone who chooses to continue to be with that idiot."

So he wanted my friend to leave their partner while they were laying in a hospital bed after having been thrown 30+ feet by an explosion. Burnt, broken and taumatized. All because one of them made an error and as if the horrifying consequences of that mistake weren't sufficient 'punishment,'

And my friend who spent the subsequent weeks healing and helping their lover get back on their feet was an "idiot" and a "fool". And was " no friend of [mine]."

If that doesn't summarize his capacity for compassion I don't know what would.

The last time.

The last time he and I spoke I told him about the brother in law of one of my close friends.  He was in the hospital with sepsis and it was not looking good.  I told him how I felt terrible for my friend and her husband, and how I wish there was something I could do to comfort them.

He asked me why I was bothered. He said I never cared about his struggles or his burdens, so why was I taking this personally?  Furthermore, he told me that I was messed up enough myself that I didn’t have time or energy to worry about anyone else.

My friend’s brother in law subsequently died.

I'm lying in bed next to my amazing woman, who, moments ago, i woke up so that she'd hold me while I sobbed. For no reason that I can confirm. I am calm now and I feel her drifting off next to me. It's peaceful.

I spent so many nights attempting to pace away my anxiety and dread in the basement alone. I didn't want the creaky floorboards in our old house to wake him.

Waking him was always bad. Especially if I was looking for comfort. His demons were to be soothed, attended and deferred to. Mine, likely only an excuse for my shortcomings, were mine. What business were they of his?

I really like getting reactions out of people idrc what the reaction is be it scared, worried,shock,disgust etc. I just like it since i don't feel a lot, too see how people react.