Noah Sebastian X Reader - Tumblr Posts
Give @somebodyllelse some love on their story y’all!!
Courtesy of @/fxllenmercy on TikTok it came up on my fyp. The way I would combust.
Ok so I’m almost finished with this chapter so it should be posted sometime this week and like the preview shows, it’s gon be smutty. I very rarely ever wrote anything of that extent, so please be nice, thank you.
Just a small preview of what I’m writing, it’s getting long enough that not sure if I should make it two parts or one long piece. What do y’all think?
Thank you so much for waiting on this chapter y’all. Thank you so much for your support, encouragement and I especially wanna say thank you to @thefallennightmare. Her headcanon to inspired me start writing again to begin with. Without any further ado, please enjoy this chapter. 😍
Summary: Noah begins to remember all the important moments and how they shaped his life to be the way it is.
Warnings: Talks of Depression, Smut
The photos I got from Pinterest
Taglist: @thisbicc
Playlists I listened to while writing this chapter: Songs that made me think of Anya and Noah
If you ever wanna become a part of my taglist, send me a message and I'll add onto the list.
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Noah watched as the familiar houses in their neighborhood passed by them, while sitting in the passenger seat. He looked into the rearview mirror and looked at Anya, the new mother glow in her face, it made her look more beautiful to him.
“How’s Keaton doing darling?”
“He’s sleeping and he looks so handsome. Just like his daddy.” Anya sighed.
“Nah, I think little Keaton is going to be more handsome than Noah.” Nicholas joked.
“Fuck you dude!” Noah laughed, lightly punching his shoulder.
Nicholas turned the corner into the familiar street, about a year into dating, Noah and Anya moved into their own home together. Noah couldn’t stand Anya living in her small micro studio apartment anymore. The neighborhood wasn’t the greatest, so when he dropped her off at her apartment, he made it a secret goal for himself to get her out of that neighborhood, but things happened that changed a few things. If you asked Noah what he expected to do after their tour was over 72 hours ago, becoming a dad and getting engaged was not anywhere in that list of expectations. Well the engagement was expected, but not for another two weeks. They pulled up on their house’s driveway, it was a one story house with 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and a pool in the backyard. Noah looked at his home and began remembering almost all the moments in time everything that led to this moment.
~ October 20, 2020 ~
“Jolly! Where are you?” Noah yelled.
He had just come home from the grocery store and was bringing in the groceries for the week. He knew that Folio, Nick, Bryan, and Matt were going to be at the beach just to get away from the house. COVID had taken almost a toll on everyone, no one wanted to be at their shared townhouse all crammed together, so everyone except Jolly, Noah, and Anya agreed to go to the beach. Noah walked through their house and found Jolly and Anya talking in the kitchen.
“Come on Jolly, it’ll be fun!”
“Busfrö, I don’t think Noah, would like the idea of us doing this together. ”
“That's the fun of it, he doesn’t have to know.”
“Alright karaste, it’s a date, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when Noah finds out and gets upset.”
“It’ll be fine, Noah won’t find out. It’ll be between you and me.”
The fuck! Noah thought. He felt his chest tighten, he didn’t realize that Jolly and Anya had gotten that close since she started working for them. Although both him and Anya had been friends since they met, even after the kiss they shared, it seemed that on Anya’s end, it had been a moment of passion and never spoke of it again. On his end, it was not just a moment of passion; he had truly fallen in love with Anya. Noah got to know more about Anya in those 3 months and fell more in love with her before COVID started. He learned things about her like how she was raised by a single mother, she had a 6 year old brother named William or Will for short, her mom married her stepdad when she was 15 and they moved to El Paso, TX about the same time, about a few months after her brother was born. She never mentioned her biological father, but he knew better than to ask, just like him and his non-existent relationship with his father, he figured out very quickly that talking about her father was a sore spot to her and was a topic that should never be brought up. He couldn’t help but feel this rising heat and anger at their conversation. Why was Jolly the one that she chose? He was always there for her.
Out of everyone, he would gladly claim that he knew Anya the most and knew what she had gone through trying times with COVID being crazy, everyone being forced to stay home and not allowed to travel. He knew that out of everyone, Anya went through the most. She wasn’t comfortable completely leaving her job with Home Depot for something very unpredictable as being a Assistant Tour Manager with Matt, so instead of completely leaving, she went for a 3 month leave of absence with her job, while she figured out being a Tour Manager with Matt. Just as she was getting the hang of everything, they got the call of this virus being spread and practically killing vulnerable people, so it was best to stay home. At the time Anya was still living in her small micro studio apartment, she couldn’t even go back to her old job with Home Depot, because everything was closed. She had to move out of her apartment and live with her aunt and her cousins in Culver City, the neighborhood was nicer, so Noah was at least grateful that she was living in a safer side of Los Angeles. He knew that her options were either to live with her aunt or go back to her parents house in El Paso. Noah knew that as much as Anya loved her parents and baby brother, she could not stand living in that city, he clearly remembered her words.
“I would rather jump off the Golden Gate bridge than ever return to that city again. If it’s not to visit my family, I never want to set foot in that city again.” She said it with such deep intensity that it almost frightened him.
He decided to make his presence known to both of them, but not make it obvious that he heard part of their conversation, he put in his airpods and walked into the kitchen with the groceries. Both Anya and Jolly were sitting at the kitchen table.
“Hey guys, what’s up?” He said casually. Making sure that his jealousy could not be detected.
“Nothing, Jolly was telling me something funny.” Anya said; he knew she was lying and again he couldn’t help but feel angry again. What was going on between them?
“You guys think you could help me with the groceries in the car?” He asked, choosing to remain calm and collected.
“I’ll help you.” Anya quickly said. She got up from the table and helped Noah with taking the bags he already got in his arms and putting it on the kitchen table.
“Jolly, do you think you put the groceries away?” She asked with a sweet voice.
“No problem Älskling.” Jolly said.
Again, that tight feeling in Noah’s chest and heat and anger engulfing him. He shouldn’t feel this way, Anya never made any mention of their kiss and it has been a whole year since. He should accept that Anya just wanted to remain friends and that's all their relationship will be, despite knowing full well he wanted more. Anya walked past him and again her intoxicating scent hit him directly in the face, her Lavender scent, all he wanted was to bury himself in her and just have her to himself. He noticed what she was wearing, her favorite black sundress with small floral prints and the front of the dress that was only tied in the front with a corset style lacing, giving her a lift to her breasts and a leg slit. The temperature was still very warm for Los Angeles in October, so the dress made sense to wear, but for Noah that dress torturing him inside and out, he felt himself harden at the way her hips swayed, the way her breast slightly moved up and down when she took a step. The back of her dress exposing her tattoo, a snake slithering up her spine, being entangled in the vines of carnation and snowdrop flowers. He stared at her for so long, that he didn’t realize he never moved to go with her to get the groceries.
“Noah?” Her voice broke him out of his trance. He looked up and looked directly in her eyes.
“Are you coming?”
“Yeah.”
They both walked out the house and went down the steps to go to the garage. He opened the trunk of the black Camaro, and grabbed half of the remaining grocery bags purposely choosing the heaviest ones, while she grabbed the other half that was definitely lighter.
“Did we get everything?” She asked.
“Yeah, we got everything.” He answered curtly. He walked past her, practically almost ignoring that she was standing right there. Anya noticed the change in his demeanor, normally he was very kind and loving towards her, but that abrupt change caught her off guard.
“Okayyyy? The fuck?” She whispered to herself.
She closed and locked the garage door. She followed up the slight hill of steps that led to the front door of the house. Before she could get to the top of the steps, she lost her footing and tripped, her knee scraping on the steps.
“Fuck!” She hissed in pain. Noah just opened the door and turned around to see that she was down and in pain. The bags she was carrying had spilled all over the porch. He quickly put down the bags he was carrying and rushed to her side. He pulled her up and looked to see her knee was bleeding and blood dripping down her leg.
“Jolly!” Noah yelled.
“Yeah!” he yelled back.
Jolly came out the front door and took notice of the situation.
“Shit! Is she okay?”
“I’m fine guys.” Anya said, trying to reassure both of them.
“You’re bleeding.” Noah said sharply. “ Come on, I’ll help you clean up. Jolly, you think you can help clean up?” Noah asked, hoping he said yes so he could be the one to help Anya instead of him.
“Yeah man, I got you. Go clean her up.” Jolly said.
“I’m fine, I’ll go clean myself up.” Anya clearly didn’t miss the way he spoke to her when she tried to reassure him that she was fine. She clearly didn’t care for his attitude either and would rather dress her own wound herself, than have him do it if he was going to have a bitchy attitude. Before she could even take one step, Noah lifted her up and carried her bridal style to the guest bathroom and placed her on the sink vanity. Noah looked in the cabinet underneath the sink and found the first aid kit. When he looked up, Anya’s smooth leg was directly in front of him, decorated with tattoos of California Orange Poppies, Texas Bluebonnets, and honeysuckles, the slit in her dress exposing her leg, almost to her hip and her soft skin calling for him to touch, to kiss, to caress, to hold while he buried his face in between her legs.
Noah shook his head to break his trance and his hair fell in front of his face covering his view. Due to the amount of long haired men in the house, it was no surprise that there was an abundance of hair ties in the house.
“Pass me a hair tie, please?” He said.
“Yeah.” Anya said, she reached on the right side of the sink and handed him the hair tie.
“Thank you.” He put the first aid kit on the vanity and took the hair tie and tied his hair up into a low messy bun. He grabbed the first aid kit and opened it, grabbing the antiseptic wipes, a band aid and some gauze. He opened the antiseptic wipe and looked at Anya.
“This is gonna sting, so I’m apologizing in advance.”
Anya nodded and Noah placed the wipe on her knee. Anya gasped.
“Puta Madre!” Anya gasped and out of reflex, grasped his shoulder. If it wasn’t for her wounded knee and where they were at the moment, it would’ve been a very sensual moment. Her gasps would’ve been out of something different.
“Sorry.” Noah said.
He wiped away the blood from her legs with the gauze, his hands lightly caressing her legs. He dumped the used gauze pads in the trash and began to focus on her knee, wiping away the blood, dirt, and grime. With Noah touching her leg, Anya couldn’t help but notice how rough yet soft his hands felt on her. She wanted him so badly and she knew he wanted her just the same, but she didn’t want to risk it. With this job still being new and with everything going on in the world making things very uncertain, Anya still had her job with Home Depot, but again anything could happen. Right now she wanted to keep it professional with Noah, so that in case things didn’t work out she could go back to her old life and walk away from theirs, she didn’t want to mention her kiss with Noah, not wanting to put anything in jeopardy.
“Alright, almost done.” Noah said softly.
“Thank you.”
He lightly dabbed some neosporin ointment on her knee, and placed a band aid on her knee. He caressed her leg again, in an effort to keep her touch close to him.
“Thank you Noah.”
“It’s nothing.”
She lighty jumped off the vanity and winced when she realized her knee was going to be sore for a couple of days. Noah closed the first aid kit and put it away back underneath the sink. He was beginning to walk away until Anya called out his name.
“Noah?”
“Yeah?”
“My Tia Yolanda is throwing a celebration for my cousin Stephanie who’s graduating from UCLA next week and I was wondering if you wanted to come to the park celebration as my plus one? If you’re not busy?” She asked.
Noah was surprised at her request, he assumed something like that, she would want to take Jolly instead.
“You don’t want to take Jolly?” He asked before he could stop himself.
“Noah, no offense to Jolly and all, but why would I take him?”
“I heard that! And ouch!” They heard Jolly yell from the kitchen.
“¡Callate Cabron!” Anya yelled back.
Noah let out a chuckle and smiled at Anya and she felt herself internally melt.
“Well, since you’re asking nicely darling. I’ll go.”
Anya smiled, happy that he was calling her darling again, she’ll ask him later why he asked if she wanted to take Jolly and not him. She went up to him and hugged him, Noah wrapped his arms around her back and inhaled that Lavender scent that he loved so much.
“Well, I have to head out. I have to go in tomorrow at 5am at Home Depot.”
“Do you want me to take you back to your aunt’s place?” He asked
“Only if you’re okay with it.”
“Darling, I got you, anyways I gotta make sure you don’t fall down the steps this time.”
Anya giggled, how could something so simple make Noah melt.
“Go fuck yourself.” She said laughing with no malice behind her words.
How about I fuck you in my bed darling? Noah thought. He would never say it out loud, but Noah thought about all the times he had woken up with a hard cock in the morning, because he dreamed of how much he wanted Anya in his bed, in his arms, his hard cock inside of her. How much he practically wanted to fuck her to kingdom come, practically waking up with his cock so hard that he immediately had to take a cold shower in the mornings, fucking his hand and cumming in his hands, dreaming that it was Anya’s pussy he was cumming into instead. Other nights, he dreamed of how he would be married to her, they were having a happy idyllic life and with a baby boy running around their home and he wished he could dream longer and find out more about themselves in this life, but it never happened because he either woke up too early or too late to find out more.
They walked out the front door and made the drive to her aunt's house in a comfortable silence. The traffic made it a little bit longer, but neither of them were surprised, for Anya it was either be in the bus and take longer or be with Noah in his car and take less time, but be with him.
“I want to thank you for helping me earlier Noah, I know you didn’t have to, but thank you regardless.” Anya said.
“It was nothing, I hated seeing you there bleeding and I wasn’t about to let that continue.”
“Noah, it was just a scraped knee, it would've been fine.”
“Not to me it wasn’t, what if it got infected.” Noah said, his voice getting higher.
“Ok, fine I’ll give you this one. I guess after working with a bunch of guys, I’m still not used to accepting help from others.” Anya said, especially when said other person was having a bitchy attitude earlier. She kept that thought to herself .
“It’s alright darling.”
They turned a corner to get off the freeway and turned onto Venice before turning onto Overland. They reached her aunt’s apartment and turned onto the driveway, they stayed together in the car, sitting in a comfortable silence, Anya didn’t want to leave his car and in fact wanted to stay with him, but decided against it, anyways aside from both her jobs, she was planning a surprise birthday party with Jolly for Noah, she knew that Noah didn’t necessarily care for his own birthday, but it was the first time she spent a birthday with him, last year they were on tour and didn’t know each other that much yet. So with much persuasion to Jolly, she was planning a small party with everyone at the house, Jolly immediately warned her that Noah doesn’t like surprises, but Anya decided that’s something he should get used to, especially from her. Anya opened the door and before she left the car, she turned to face Noah and gave him a kiss on his cheek. That act alone surprised him, he turned to look at her and gave her a shocked look, almost as if he was a deer caught in headlights.
“Thank you for earlier Noah, this is why you’re my favorite out of everyone. I’ll see you next week.” She said, giving him a smile. She closed the door, walked up to the building's entrance and went inside, but not before turning around blowing a kiss to him.
“God fucking dammit. Even when I want to be mad at her, she makes it impossible.” Noah said to himself.
He drove off now thinking about what Jolly and Anya were doing together, because if she was comfortable with giving him a kiss on his cheek, then clearly Jolly and her weren’t dating. Right? He was going to find out.
~ A week later; October 27th, 2020 ~
The weather had become colder throughout the week and everyone adjusted, for Noah the weather would’ve been perfect if his anxiety wasn’t going through the roof. Noah still hadn’t found out what Jolly and Anya were doing together because everytime he tried to, he would wake to find that Jolly had already left for the day and by the time he came back, he came back empty handed. He tried asking, but the response was just ‘I’m running errands with Anya.’, it irked him to no end. On top of that, today was what Anya liked to call it ‘Carne Asada’ day at her aunt Yolanda’s house in Santa Monica. He was meeting her relatives, he didn’t want to dress too casual, but not too formal either. He decided that he was wearing his black turtleneck shirt with black jeans and a leather jacket, choosing to wear docs. He went downstairs to find that Anya had already arrived at their town house, her outfit similar to his, except her jeans were ripped at the knees and she was wearing chucks not docs. Her choice in clothing made him feel a little more at ease with himself.
“Ok, at least I know that it’s going to be casual.” He said, letting out a small chuckle.
“Yeah, personally I never know what to wear to these things, so I just wear what makes me comfortable and at this point my family is used to it.” she said.
“Come on, can't keep them waiting.” Noah said
They went and sat inside the car and just as Noah was about to start the car, he was stopped when Anya put her hand on his.
“Ok first things first, I gotta tell you a few rules.” She said.
Noah's heart began to race.
“When we get there, you gotta say hello to everyone and when I say everyone, I mean everyone. Otherwise in my family you’ll be known as the malcriado.”
“A what?”
“A malcriado, it’s basically what you call a rude person who never learned any manners.”
“Ah okay, anything else?”
“When it comes to food, other families may say you must eat everything that’s given to you, even if you’re already full. My family however, as long as you just eat a plate, you’ll be fine.”
“Alright, well I’m about to learn how you cook so amazing.” He joked
She slightly narrowed her eyes at him.
“Noah, I’m being serious.”
“I am too, you’re the reason I began to gain weight.”
Anya knew that he wasn’t lying on that front, when she started working for the band, most of the guys were skinny twigs, so Anya started to cook for them in that small kitchen on the tour bus while on that 3 month tour. While they enjoyed and appreciated her cooking, Noah again was the one who always asked for seconds, sometimes even thirds. The guys always thought that he liked her too much and didn’t want to be rude. In truth Noah actually loved her cooking, it was during the lockdown that he realized that if he was going to stay home and eat nothing but homemade food, that it had to be made from Anya’s hands. Whatever she made, he would personally buy the ingredients, so it was no surprise to him that he began to gain weight, he realized the saying was true, ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’
“I’m sorry for that.”
“Darling, how many times are you going to apologize, anyways whatever weight I gain, I turn it into muscle.”
They both knew he wasn’t lying either, he began to bulk up even more when he joined Ash’s gym. His muscle’s began to be more defined over the past few months, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Anya. Just as he would freeze every time she walked by, her hips swaying in whatever she wore, she would freeze even he walked by too, him wearing shirts that exposed his arms and the muscle that he began to acquire, she’ll never say it out loud, but she wanted nothing more than to sit on his cock and ride him to kingdom come, riding him until he would just cum inside of her. How much she loved when he called her darling.
“Alright then.”
“Now is there anything else I need to know before we start heading over there.”
“Not that I can think of.”
“Alright then, let's head out there. Here’s my phone, set the address over to the location.”
Anya took his phone and set up the location to Clover Park in Santa Monica. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t lying about being nervous, this would be the first time her family and Noah would be meeting. They weren’t surprised by his looks, they all knew she had a type and they immediately told her that as long as he made feel happy and safe, then that’s all that mattered to them. It was a 30 minute drive from Studio City to Santa Monica and through the time they kept themselves busy by singing along to the song playing on the radio. Some country, rap and latin pop for Anya, she never believed him, but Noah would always say that she had a good voice, he made another goal for himself to take her into the studio and have her sing and record just one song for him so that she could hear what he heard.
They reached the park and Anya's hands began to tremble, her anxiety going through the roof. Noah took notice and held her hands, his touch soothing her.
“You ready?” Anya asked.
“Yeah, I’m ready for anything darling as long as I’m with you.”
Anya sighed and smiled at him. They left his car and began to walk a small distance to the tables that were for the carne asada.
“Mija! You made it!” She immediately heard her Aunt Yolanda yell out. She let go of Noah’s hand and went to hug her aunt. She was setting up the table
“Hola Tía, ¿cómo estás?
“Bien Mija, thank you for coming. Now is this the very famous Noah?”
Noah stepped forward to introduce himself and raised his hand to shake her Aunt’s hand, but she surprised him by pulling him in for a hug.
“Mijo, there’s no need for formalities here. We’re all family here.”
“Thank you ma'am.”
“Call me Tia, mijo.”
Noah couldn’t help but be flattered at the thought of being considered family, even if he wasn’t dating Anya, even though he really wanted to be.
“Alright ninos, help yourself to some snacks, your Tio Isaac is making the meat, so it’ll be another twenty minutes before the food is ready, go say hi.”
Anya grabbed Noah’s hand and led him to the grill where her uncle, a short man with a slight beer belly, tanned skin, mullet and sporting a mustache, stood next to grill watching the meat cook.
“Hola Tio!”
He turned around and gave the biggest smile.
“Mija, you made it. Thank you for coming!”
“It's nothing Tío. Dónde está Stephanie?”
“She’s playing baseball down the hill. Toma.” He said while passing her a piece of meat to her and Noah.
“Is this the Noah we keep hearing about?”
Noah was now smiling realizing that Anya mentioned him multiple times to her family.
“Si, estes Noah.”
“Hello sir.” Noah said.
“Hola mijo, welcome. Here, try another piece.” Her uncle said, pulling him in for a hug and patting him on the back before passing him another piece of what was al pastor meat. Noah took the piece and ate it, I could get used to this. He thought. He felt so welcome by just two people already and was beginning to wonder what it would be when others began to arrive. Anya took his hand again and led him down the hill, to the baseball field where her cousin was playing with a little girl.
“Lucy! Bebe Linda!”
“Tia Ana!” The little girl, no more than 3 years old, yelled out. Her hair in two very messy space buns came running towards Anya, she let go of his hand to catch her, raise her up, and spin her around. Noah’s heart warmed up at the sight, and he couldn’t help but think about his dream with their baby boy running around with Anya chasing after their son.
“Hola, mi bebe linda? Watcha doing?” Anya said in a sing-songy voice.
“Um um playing baseball with mama.”
“I think I’m the one playing more baseball though.” Stephanie came up, stuck out her hand and shook Noah’s hand. “Nice to meet you. I'm Stephanie, Ana doesn’t doesn’t shut up about you.”
Noah turned to look at Anya and she blushed a bright red. Little Lucy playing with her hair.
“I’m Noah. Wait Ana? I thought your name was Anya?” He asked
“Oh my god. She’s still going by that name?” Stephanie chuckled.
“What name? Anya?” Noah asked.
“Ok.” Anya sighed. “I hate saying my full name like, because it’s mouth full and if you call me by my full name, I feel like I’m in trouble. Also I really love the movie Anastasia, so I just took that nickname.”
Noah laughed.
“Alright Anastasia.” He laughed.
“Shut up. Don’t call me that.” Anya deadpanned.
Anya frowned and walked off with Lucy in her arms and took her to the swing set to play with her. Stephanie and Noah went to a bench and sat down.
“Can I say thank you?” Stephanie said.
“For what?” Noah asked, confused.
“For bringing my cousin’s smile back, we grew up together. She told you that right?”
“She mentioned that she grew up with a bunch of cousins.”
“Makes sense, she likes to be very private on certain things. I haven’t seen my cousin smile like this since she left for Texas when she was 11 and I was 13.”
“What do you mean? I know she doesn’t likeTexas, but I didn’t think she hated it.”
“Oh God, I don’t know where to begin, we constantly video chatted when she first left, it was okay at first, but little by little. Her smile began to disappear, little by little, our calls with each other began to stop, her being out there alone with no one, but her mom took a toll on her.”
Noah’s heart went to his throat at the thought of how alone Anya must’ve been when she was younger.
“She loves her mom, but I’m not going to lie, my aunt is a very strict woman, with high expectations, from her grades, her clothes, her interests, everything had to be approved by her mom. I think it became worse when her brother was born.”
“What? Like abuse?” Noah asked, terrified of hearing that answer.
“Not physically.” Stephanie said. “I will say this right now, she loves and adores her brother, she would gladly die for him, but I feel like she also resents him a little.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not surprising that many cultures prefer boys over girls, Latino culture included. Ana already felt enormous pressure from her mom, but when her brother came along, all of a sudden, it went from having to be good at everything to now having to do that and having to take care of a baby that is not hers.”
“What about her stepdad? Why didn’t he step in?”
“He works here in Los Angeles and goes back to El Paso twice a weekend every month, so..”
“So it was still just her and her mom.”
“I think I remember during a videochat I had with her when she was 16, I remember my aunt saying over the call ‘Here’s your son, go change his diaper, because I can’t be bothered’, I think it was one of those times I saw her look so defeated. ”
“What made her finally move back?”
“Fafsa.”
“Fafsa?”
“Mhmm, she was applying for out of state colleges just to get away and finally be away from everything, when she got a letter saying that Fafsa wasn’t going to be paying for her classes because her mom made too much money. That alone made her really spiral.”
“She didn’t do anything stupid, did she?” Noah asked, concerned at the thought of Anya doing something reckless. Even if it was before he met her.
“That part is not my story to tell, just only saying what I know from what I've seen. That’s something I think she has to tell you.”
Noah looked at her, confused why Anya’s cousin Stephanie would tell him these things. Sensing his confusion, she spoke up again.
“I only said all of that because I wanted to say thank you, you're the reason my cousin now smiles on the daily. I’m glad she’s dating someone like you.”
“Oh we’re not..” Noah began to say.
“You’re joking right?” She asked incredulously. “I thought you were, she constantly talks about you, I mean she practically never shuts up about you. It’s always ‘Noah this’ and Noah that.”
“I didn’t think she talked about me like that. Let alone like me like that” Noah said. Fully realizing now that Anya doesn’t like Jolly like that.
“Dude, she’s crazy about you! I don’t underst … ohhhhh.”
“What?”
“I know why.”
“What? What do I need to do?” Noah asked, desperate for any advice on having Anya finally to himself.
“Right now, everything is unpredictable right? So I can see why she’s being hesitant.”
“Why does the pandemic matter? It shouldn’t matter to us.”
“Because she’s testing the waters, if she doesn’t know what can happen, she won’t take the risk.”
“So she sees dating me as a risk?”
“Yes and No, Ana doesn’t see dating you as a risk, she sees the situation as a risk, she told me how she has this current with you guys, but the pandemic and lockdown is keeping you guys from fully touring right?”
“Yeah.”
“She doesn’t want to fully commit just yet, because she thinks it can probably fall through and if it falls through then she can just walk away from the job and from you guys.”
At those words, Noah finally understood, but he couldn’t help but wonder why Anya would believe she could just walk away from their lives, especially his. She’s so engraved in his mind, that he could not and would not let her walk away from his life.
“I know her, so you need to show her you’re in this with her as much as she wants to be.” Stephanie said, looking towards Anya.
Noah looked at her, watching her play with her niece and fully committed to the decision that no matter what happened in life, as long as he had her by his side, he could handle it. Negative or Positive, all he wanted was just her by his side.
“Ninos! Come eat!”
Noah and Stephanie stood up from the bench they were sitting on.
“Ana! Lucy linda! Dinner time!”
Anya picked up Lucy from the swing set and carried her to the picnic table.
“Was anyone else planning on coming?” Anya asked.
“Not really, which is understandable. The only people I really wanted here were my parents, mi hija and my favorite cousin.”
“What about Lucy’s dad?”
“He wished he could've come, but his job called him back early. He did send a ramo buchon this morning, along with a diamond tennis bracelet. Lucy immediately took the tiara that came from the buchon.”
“Damn.”
“What’s a ramo buchon?” Noah asked
“Think of a rose bouquet, but bigger and a little more extravagant.” Anya explained. Her uncle gave her a plate of food.
Stephanie pulled out her phone and showed Noah a photo.
“Goddamn! Shi–” He was ready to curse, until he remembered that Lucy was present.
“Alrighty. So what did you guys talk about? Don’t think I didn’t notice.” Anya asked, giving a suspicious look to her cousin.
“Nothing.” Noah said, sitting down at the table.
“Oh God, don’t tell me she was telling you my embarrassing childhood stories.” Anya groaned., sitting next to Noah.
“Hey, you killed my family of pet goldfish.”
“It was an accident!” Anya said, putting Lucy in the booster seat so she could reach the table.
“Wait what? You killed her fishes?” Noah asked, but ready to laugh at the same time.
“If you go to her parents house, you’ll find evidence of a soccer ball being kicked to the wall multiple times.” Anya said sheepishly.
“What happened?” Noah asked, a plate of food being set down in front of him. The plate consisted of rice, refried beans, 3 al pastor tacos, and extra arrachera meat on the side.
“Uhhhhh.”
“Go on Anya, tell him.” Stephanie said teasingly, sitting next to Lucy.
“I may have kicked the ball too hard one day in the house, it bounced from the wall to the tank. Breaking it and the poor fish falling to the floor.”
Noah began to laugh, putting his hand on her knee. His touch still feeling very electrical to Anya.
“But if I recall correctly. You cut my hair in my sleep after that.”
Noah began to laugh
“Ohhhhh … yeah. Listen carefully mija, revenge is very bad, so never do it.” Stephanie said to Lucy. Lucy nodded after she took a bite from her smaller portion of food, but you couldn’t be certain if she was nodding because of the food or because of what her mom said.
“Speak for yourself, I started 3rd grade with a buzzcut and by the time 3rd grade was over I had the Dora the Explorer haircut.”
Noah laughed even harder at the situation. If this was just a small portion of what being around her relatives is like, then he wondered what it would be like being around the rest of her relatives.
The day passed and eventually Anya and Noah left the picnic, helping clean and pack the remaining food, her aunt and uncle insisted they take some leftovers back with them. They ended up taking back with them 10 tupperwares worth of food. They got back to the house and the rest of the guys quickly dug into the food.
“Good God, now we know where you get your cooking skills.” Bryan said immediately, stuffing his face with a piece of arrachera meat.
“Nah, for real. Next time you fucks better invite me so I enjoy this when it’s fresh off the grill.” Matt said
“Whatever anyone does, make sure Anya never quits working for us, because I plan on eating this food for the rest of my life! Damn! Nick and Folio are missing out!” Jolly said.
“Oh I’ll make sure to plan on her never leaving us.” Noah said, wrapping his arm around Anya’s shoulder.
“I agree with Jolly, she’s the greatest assistant I’ve ever had and if anyone fucking ruins what we have. I. WILL. FUCKING. KILL. YOU. ALL.” Matt threatened everyone.
The guys began to continue enjoying the rest of the food. Noah grabbed Anya’s leaned closer and whispered in her ear.
“Come with me to my room?” He asked nervously.
Anya didn’t say anything, but nodded at his request. He led up the stairs and down the hall to his room. She entered his room and he followed after and locked the door. He moved in front of her and sat on his bed. The only light in the room coming from the led lights on his bed.
“God, you’re so beautiful.” He said with an exhale.
“Don’t say things you don’t mean, Noah.”
“Darling, I’ve told this over and over and yet you still never believe me.” He said, putting his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him. Putting her between his legs.
“I’m not used to hearing things like that, Noah. I wasn’t the most beautiful growing up, I’ve only had one boyfriend and even then he still cheated.”
“Hmmm.”
He raised his hands and pulled off the leather jacket that Anya was wearing, leaving her in her turtleneck shirt and jeans, her shoes left by the front door, since the boys don’t like wearing shoes in the house.
“Do you want to know what me and your cousin were talking about earlier today?”
Anya tensed a little.
“Oh God. What did she say?”
“Nothing bad. Just a little more about you, things I already know. Finally I realized something important. Why did you never tell me how lonely your childhood was?”
She began to take a step back when Noah stopped her by standing up and wrapping an arm around her waist, bringing her back close to him.
“Noah, you left home at 15 years old, going from couch to couch in friends homes. If anything, you had a worse life than me.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Why does it matter how lonely my childhood was?”
“Because, I want to know you, Anya. Everything about you. I want to know why you think working for us will fall through and why you think you can walk away from us. From me”
That last was said so quietly, that she almost missed it.
“Everything is scary right now Noah, people are still dying from this disease. I barely got back to work at Home Depot. Can you really blame me?”
“I promise that you won’t lose this job. You’ll always have a job with us Anya. If not then I’ll take care of you.”
“I can’t ask that of you.”
“You’re not asking, I’m telling you, I’m promising this to you Anya.”
“Noah…”
Noah stopped her by leaning forward, putting his face to her neck and inhaled her scent.
“Lavender.” He whispered.
“What?”
“Your scent, it drives me wild, from the moment we met in that meet and greet, your lavender scent has driven me crazy.”
Anya gripped the sides of his shirt, her breathing getting heavier.
“You drive me crazy Anya. I wanted you from the moment we met, but I fell in love when you cried in my arms the night we met and it’s only gotten stronger since. I can’t let you walk away, not without at least knowing how I feel.” He said.
“I don’t want to walk away anymore.” Anya whispered.
Anya looked at him in the eyes, his eyes showing so much affection, adoration, and love. Something she only saw when her stepdad looked at her mom, she thought back and realized all those moments Noah would stare at her from time to time, his gazing a little too long and a little too hard.
“I’ve always wanted you to be near me, with me, in me Noah.” Anya confessed.
At her words Anya felt him harden through his jeans.
“Fuck!” He whispered. “Do you know how badly I’ve always wanted you? How many times I’ve cummed thinking of you?”
Anya lifted his shirt and pulled it off. She kissed his chest, Noah unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down, leaving a couple of kisses down her legs, something he desperately wanted to do the week before. Anya returned the favor by helping him out of his jeans, palming his hard cock, making Noah hiss in pleasure.
“You’re still wearing too much.” He said, gesturing to her turtleneck shirt.
He lifted the shirt and freed her from her shirt, tossing the shirt somewhere in his room. His breath caught in his throat when he realized Anya wasn’t wearing a bra and was just in her panties.
“You’ve been like this the whole day?” Noah asked. He stepped closer to her and looked at her. Anya knew what he was asking, took his hand and placed it on her breast.
“No one noticed.” She sighed, his thumb slowly caressing her nipple.
“Fucking hell, Anya.”
Anya slightly pushed him and he landed on his bed, she stepped closer and placed herself to straddle him. She looked him deeply into his eyes and said the words she wanted to say for so long.
“I love you.”
Noah looked back into her eyes in awe, he cupped her cheek and gave her a deep kiss. He leaned back, pulling Anya with him and began to make out, his hands moving to her ass and giving a hard squeeze. Anya moaned into their kiss and began to grind into his hips, his cock almost touching her pussy, her pussy soaking her panties. Noah stopped kissing her to take a breath.
“I love you so much.” Noah said.
He flipped them over so that Anya was now the one laying on his bed, he began to pull off Anya’s soaked panties and looked at the sight in front of him, her glistening pussy illuminated by his headboard lights. He lowered himself to his knees and began to kiss up her legs, leaving a trail of love bites. He reached her pussy and inhaled before beginning to eat her out. The feeling making her moan out loud, Noah ate her as if his life depended on it. To keep her close to him, he wrapped his arms around her legs and gripped them tightly. His nose touching her clit, making the experience more pleasing for Anya, she gripped his hair and pulled him closer. Noah groaned and the feeling sent a jolt up her body.
“Noah, Noah, more please more!” She moaned.
She looked down at him and watched as he ate her out, wanting to see his face, she pulled his hair and made him look at her, his nose, mouth and chin wet from her arousal. She pulled him back to her and kissed him, tasting herself on his lips.
“I wasn’t finished eating.” Noah groaned.
“You can finish later, right now. Right now I just need your cock inside me.” Anya said.
She flipped them around, straddling him again and moved her hands to his underwear and pulled them down, Noah kicking them somewhere across the room. His cock freed from his underwear, Anya wrapped her hand around his cock and pumped him before putting him in her mouth and sucked his cock.
“Oh fuck!” Noah moaned.
Anya sucked him off, licking the slit of his cock. Noah placed his hands on the back of her head pushed down on him, almost making her gag. She looked at him, giving him a loving glare. She moved back up and lined herself up with him and slowly sank onto his cock, both of them groaning at the feeling of their bodies becoming one. Anya began to slowly ride him, wanting the feeling to never go away, Noah wanting to feel more of her put his hands on her hips in an effort to control the pace.
“You feel so good.” Anya moaned.
“You’re so much better than I dreamed.” Noah groaned.
Anya’s pace faltered at that confession. Noah dreamed of her and has wanted her for so long, that she couldn’t help the smile that graced her face. He’s always wanted as much as she wanted him. She leaned forward and kissed him passionately, Noah returning the kiss with as much passion.
Noah pulled her off of him and Anya groaned at the loss of him, until she realized that Noah positioned her so that he was on top of her. He moved in between her legs and lowered himself into again, thrusting with such gentleness, that she could’ve sworn she was in heaven. She looked into his eyes with such love and touched his forehead with hers.
“Mi Buen Amor.” She whispered.
“Amor.” He whispered.
“My…”
Thrust.
“Darling…”
Thrust.
“Anastasia…”
Thrust.
“My…”
Thrust.
“Heart…”
Thrust.
“My…”
Thrust.
“World…”
Thrust.
“My…”
Thrust.
“Love…”
Noah’s pace began faltering, he was cumming and he knew it. Anya could feel him getting close as well and wanted to cum with him, so she moved her hand in between their bodies and began to rub her clit. The feeling being so perfect she began to cum shortly after she started and in turn her orgasm squeezing Noah’s cock making him cum inside of her. The feeling of Noah’s hot cum inside made her moan loudly. Noah rolled off of her to her side, and turned her to face and kissed her again.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“Te amo mi amor.”
Anya leaned more into embrace and wrapped herself around him.
“Live with me.” Noah said.
“What?”
“Live with me.”
Anya looked up at him in disbelief of what he asked of her.
“Noah, you can’t be serious.”
“What?”
“We just finished having sex and now you’re asking me to live with you. We still haven’t established if we’re in a relationship or not.”
“I would’ve hoped that my cum dripping down your legs onto my bed sheets, established that we’re together.”
Anya couldn’t help but rub her legs together at his comment.
“But what if this doesn’t work out? What if we realize that we didn’t love each other that way we thought we did? What if …”
Noah cut off by kissing her passionately.
“I love you so much Anastasia. I told you already that I don’t plan on going anywhere. As long as I’m by your side, I’m with you no matter what.”
Anya sighed and Noah wondered if she would still say no.
“Alright. I’ll live with you, just don’t embarrass me motherfucker.”
Noah smiled out of pure joy.
“Never darling.” He said, pulling her close.
~ October 31st, 2020 ~
Anya had taken Noah out for his birthday and she took him to Universal Studios for the day and took him to the Redondo Beach Pier to walk along the pier and watch the sunset, while out during the day she secretly texted Jolly to set up the house for his surprise. They came home afterwards and as Anya began to open the door.
“Close your eyes, mi amor.” She said.
“Why? What did you do darling?” He asked suspiciously.
“Do you trust me?”
“Only because you’re my girlfriend.”
“Such a flirt.”
Noah closed his eyes while Anya opened the door and pulled him inside while guiding him by his hands.
“Ok, open.”
Noah opened his eyes and was met with everyone from the band and Anya’s cousin Stephanie popping their confetti poppers in his face.
“Surprise!!!” Everyone yelled
“What the fuck?”
“Happy Birthday Mi Amor!” Anya said, giving him a kiss.
The living room was decorated in Naruto birthday decorations. On the table was a cake with a Naruto cake topper inscribed with the words ‘Happy Birthday Noah!’.
“I hope you like it?” Anya said nervously. “I know you said that you don’t care for birthdays, but this is the first time I’m celebrating with you guys an…”
Noah kissed her to calm down her nerves.
“I loved it darling, thank you. When did you plan this?”
“I had help from Jolly?”
“Jolly?”
“Man, I’m never planning anything with her again. Finding anything with her was a challenge. ‘No that’s not the right shade of red Jolly!’ ‘This is for Noah’s birthday! It has to be perfect!’” Jolly said, imitating a high pitched girly voice.
“I don’t speak like that.”
“Eh, you kinda do karaste. Especially when you speak about Noah.”
“Yeah, you really do. I’ve only seen you go soft when you speak about Noah and when he comes into the room.” Matt agreed.
“I agree, it was so weird.” Bryan said.
“If you think that was weird, you should see her at home. ‘Oh my god, Noah is just so hot, He so tall and I wanna climb him like squirrel to a tree.’” Stephanie said.
Anya blushed a deep red while Noah laughed.
“Fuck all y’all.” Anya said, hugging Noah.
“She’s perfect for me, so I don’t care if she goes all soft and shit around me.” Noah said.
“Come on, your cake is an Ice Cream cake, so if we don’t cut it now, it’s gonna melt.” Anya said.
Anya moved out of Noah’s grasp and put the candles in his cake to read 25, lit them, she walked over to Noah and held his hand to lead him to the table. The table was filled with food from the day at the picnic, with some desert such as mini fruit tarts in the shape of a 25.
“My dad was happy to make some food for today and my mom made the fruit tarts.” Stephanie said.
“Tell them I said thank you.” Noah said.
“No problem.”
They spent the night having a small party with drinking games, talking about getting ready for another tour soon. They realized that the pandemic hopefully could come to an end soon and they could go back on tour soon. They had recently started writing their next album with a few songs already being in the works. Noah held on tightly to Anya and didn’t let go of her throughout the night.
~ October 31st, 2021 ~
Today was the day they were finally moving in together. Many people would've thought moving in together on their own to their own apartment was fine, but both Anya and Noah surprised everyone by telling them that they had bought a house together and they were now living in their own home together. Many people questioned their decision, but the only person who didn’t question it and actually helped in finding their home was Stephanie. Many people questioned her life choices, so she understood Anya’s choices and why it felt like Noah and Anya were moving too fast. After some time, everyone accepted that both Anya and Noah were adults and knew what they’re doing and supported their choices. They decided that they needed their own home together and during the lockdown, someone on the internet thought it was a bright idea to expose certain aspects about the bands personal life, including their address. They only realized when fans began to send them fan mail to their personal address and not through the Sumerian Offices.
“Mi vida, can you help me with this box?”
Anya asked, walking into the house, with a box filled with books. Noah wearing a beanie and a hoodie in the warm October heat looked very out of place.
“I told you to wait until I got the heavy stuff, I don’t want you hurting yourself.”
“I know, but I wanted to help.”
Noah smiled at her and kissed her, taking the box out of her arms, placing it on the floor.
“What am I going to do with you?”
“Absolutely nothing. You love me like this.”
“Damn right.” He said, smacking her ass. “You wanna know why I chose this house out of all the houses we saw?”
“Was it because of the giant mirror in the dining room and the master bedroom?” She teased.
Noah wrapped his arms behind her and had her face the mirror in the kitchen, palming her breasts through her shirt.
“To see us fucking in front that mirror, watching my cock sink into that glorious pussy of yours.” Noah whispered, kissing her neck.
“Stop, we have to bring the rest of the stuff inside the house.” Anya moaned, but made no attempt to stop him. Noah snaked his into her sweats, and began to rub her clit while his other hand moved into her pussy and fingered. It’s didn’t take much for her to cum into his hands, Anya turned to face him sank to her knees to free his aching cock from his sweats and wrapped her hands around his cock and began to jerk him off, sometimes taking him in his mouth and since he had just finished getting her off, it didn’t take much for him to cum as well, cumming in her mouth and her swallowing all that he had to give. When all was said and done, Anya realized that he was still wearing his hoodie and beanie and reached to take it off his head, Noah stopped her by reaching for hand.
“You’ve been wearing the hoodie and beanie all day today. You left very early this morning.”
“I did something today that might shock you.”
“You didn’t kill anyone did you? Do I need to help you hide the body?”
“Firstly, I very firmly believe that with the right motivation you could definitely hide a body, but no I didn’t do anything to that extent. Just don’t be too shocked at what you’re about to see.”
“Noah, you’re scaring me.”
Noah didn’t say anything but removed the hoodie and slowly removed the beanie, exposing his new Levi style haircut. Anya moved her hands to her mouth to cover her shock, his hair, the hair that she first met him in, she had many a time braided his hair for the fun of it and sometimes he had asked her to put his hair in fun styles when they had gone back on tour again when the lockdown was lifted. Anya walked up to him and reached to touch his hair, this length was different, it was new, and she had never seen him with hair this short.
“I figured with us moving into our new home, a new haircut should be thrown into the mix.”
Anya didn’t say anything, but continued to marvel at how short his hair was.
“Do you like it?” He asked nervously.
“I’m going to miss braiding and doing your hair.” Anya whined.
“To be honest, I think I will too, but I think I really needed this to show the change that we’re going through.”
“I love you and I love that you made this bold decision. Next time give me a heads up though.” She joked lightly smacking his shoulder.
“Definitely.” He said into her lips before kissing her again.
~Present Time~
Noah walked over to Anya’s side of the back seat, and carefully helped her out of the car. Nick was quick to get to Anya’s side and held her hand while Noah carefully removed the car seat from the car. They walked over to the house and opened the door, Jolly, Folio, Bryan, and Matt were inside waiting for them.
“Congratulations!!” They whispered.
The living room was decorated in ‘It’s a Boy’ decorations, and diapers, wipes, clothes. A small cake decorated with Baby Boy designs.
“Oh my god! Guys!” Anya cried out.
“How long did it take you guys to do all of this?” Noah asked.
“We've been working on this since Keaton was born, after we left the hospital. We immediately started making this shit happen when we got back.” Matt explained.
Anya was about to tear up at the gesture, until it dawned on her.
“Wait, how did you get in our house? More importantly, disarm the house?” Anya asked.
“Yeah, how did you guys get in our house?” Noah asked.
“You dumbasses left the keys in the bus, duh?” Matt said.
“That doesn’t explain the disarming of the alarm system.” Noah said.
“We disarmed it from your iPad, next time don’t put Anya’s birthday as your password you shithead.” Jolly said.
“Hey! No cursing in front of my baby and mi amor you’re so lucky I love you, because number one, my birthday? Number two: awww my birthday? Really?” Anya said.
Keaton began to whimper, and Noah was quick to put down the car seat and take out his son. Since Anya had just finished giving him a bottle 30 minutes ago and burped him as well, he couldn’t have been hungry or gassy. Noah checked to see what else it could’ve been and noticed that his diaper was wet.
“Looks like our son needs his diaper changed, I’ll go change him in our room darling.” Noah said to Anya.
Noah grabbed the diaper bag and just as he was about to head into their room. The boys immediately stopped from going through the hallway.
“We have a surprise for you guys.” Folio said.
“Come on, let us show you.” Bryan said, all giddy and excited.
Noah carried his son in his arms and looked back to see Anya being slowly walked over with some help by Nick. He waited until Anya was by his side and linked his left arm that was free with Anya’s arm.
“Let’s see what’s the surprise.” Anya giggled.
They slowly walked to one of the bedroom doors that the guys were waiting for them in front of.
“Alright guys, close your eyes.”
“Uh, can’t when he’s holding our son.” Anya said.
“Shit!” Matt said. Anya gave him another look. “Sorry.”
“Alright, Anya, you close your eyes because I think you like this more.” Nick said. Noah and Anya gave him a confused look.
“What, they were giving me updates.” Nick said nonchalantly.
Anya closed her eyes and Folio opened the door to what was once a guest bedroom and was now turned into a nursery for Keaton.
“Open your eyes darling.” Noah whispered, shocked at how amazing this room looked.
Anya opened her eyes and gasped at the sight. The light walls that were once a white color, one side was covered with a map of the hundred-acre wood map. The guest bed was replaced with a crib complete with a mobile of the Winnie the Pooh characters and a baby blanket with baby Winnie the Pooh characters hanging on the side of the crib. On the other side of the blank wall was Keaton’s name spelled out in wooden boards, the colors on his name matching almost each character. A changing table underneath his name, filled with wipes, diapers, and basket that contained everything Noah and Anya could need for their son. A rocking chair was now in the corner with another crocheted blanket in its seat, next to it was a dresser that no doubt filled with an abundance of baby clothes and a cream colored carpet covering the hardwood floors in the room.
“It’s not much, but we did the best we could.” Bryan said.
“Oh my god! Thank you so much guys!” Anya said, wiping away small tears forming in her eyes.
“Really! Thank you so much! We really appreciate this.” Noah said.
“Anything for my godson.” Matt said smugly.
“Excuse me guys, but I believe that I’m this little one’s godfather.” Folio was quick to say.
“Come on, we all know this little guy was meant to be my godson from the moment he decided to make his presence known to us.” Jolly said.
“Jolly, come on. You really think little Keaton would choose you guys? It’s obvious that he’s going to be my godson.” Bryan said.
“Come on guys, let's not fight now.” Nick said. Everyone looked at him in shock wondering why wasn’t putting in for the Godfather title.
“I’ve already changed, fed, and burped this little guy. So obviously I’m going to be his Godfather.” Nick said smugly.
Keaton began to cry this time, his wet diaper now became soiled and the smell making its way around to everyone’s noses. Anya smirked.
“Okay, like Nick said. He already helped in changing our son’s diaper already, so he’s exempt, but since all of you want to be Godfather so badly. You’re welcome to change his diaper, keep in mind if you don’t change him right away, he’ll pee on you.” She said.
“Nah, I’m good, I’m out.” Matt said, being the first to leave the room and everyone followed after. Nick being the last to leave and looking at Noah and Anya walking over to the changing table to change Keaton’s diaper, smiling, happy at the thought that his best friend since childhood now had the family he deserved.
“The beginning of our family, Noah.” Anya sighed.
“I think that started the night we met, to be honest.” Noah admitted. “We just didn’t know it yet.”
They cleaned up their son and changed his diaper and changed him into a new onesie. A baby blue onesie that said ‘Mommy and Daddy’s greatest surprise.’ They both laughed at the words.
“A little fitting, don’t you think?” Noah said
“Very.”
Anya looked at her son and wondered about something.
“Do you think we could try again for another?” She asked.
“We just had him and you wanna try again?” Noah asked in return. “Is this because since we didn’t know you were pregnant, you feel like you missed out?”
“Maybe, I don’t know. I was thinking about this in the hospital. What if we had known? Would anything be different?”
“Of course, they would. For starters, we wouldn’t have been doing all those tours, but not knowing wasn’t our fault. You weren’t showing and on top of your irregular periods, pregnancy wouldn’t be something we would’ve been worried about, so don’t stress yourself over darling. When the time comes, we’ll try and plan for our next baby and the next time we’ll be sure to document everything.” Noah said, comforting Anya and gave her a kiss on her forehead.
“For now let's focus on being this little guy's parents and planning our wedding.” Noah said.
Anya kissed him in return before giving a kiss to her son as well.
“I love you so much, Noah.”
“I love you more.”
Noah raised up his son and carefully handed him to Anya’s waiting arms. They slowly walked out of Keaton’s room and prepared to join the rest of the guys in the living room and wait for the arrival of Anya’s relatives to continue a very belated baby shower for them. They weren’t sure what the future held for them, but as long as they were at each other’s side, they were prepared for whatever came their way.
I do something similar, I created a playlist of songs I use to fall asleep and the first song is the unplugged version of Never Know, so I pretend it’s him singing me to sleep.
sometimes I watch Noah's streams before bed and pretend he's talking to me
pls put me down I need to be removed from the streets
Part two! part two! part two! part two! part two! part two! part two!
casual - n.s.
Inspired by the song Casual by Chappell Roan. Noah is your friend but not your best friend if you know what I mean.
Warnings: angst, Noah is kind of an ass, sad thoughts, neither one of them know how to express themselves and deal with ~feelings~, curse words.
WC: 1.677
My friends call me a loser 'Cause I'm still hanging around I've heard so many rumors That I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch
You were used to the title of "friend". You were friends with the band. You met Nick first, some years ago and he introduced you to everyone else, and after that, where everyone was, you weren't far behind.
You graduated with a degree in photography a couple of years ago, and when the chance of touring with the band and learn from Bryan was presented to you, you couldn't refuse. Who would?
You don't exactly remember when things changed so drastically. Granted, you couldn't call Noah your best friend, but you talked to him everyday, you joked around together and even had a secret sign whenever you were at a party, to tell the other one of you was feeling a little overwhelmed, and was going to step out for a bit.
Looking back at it now, you realized these moments only held significance to you. You thought back to the night everything changed. How he was talking to you so smoothly, how he looked you in the eye and payed attention to every word you were saying, how his hands touched your thighs and finally, how he asked you if you wanted to get out of there and maybe go up to his room.
You also remembered how he asked you to leave not even 15 minutes after you were done, how he laid there scrolling on his phone as you gathered your clothes and put them back on, saying goodbye but not sticking around to hear his response. Pain clawed at your chest, but you pushed it down.
So when it happened again at a house party they were throwing, you left before he had to tell you. You told yourself you could do this, you liked him as a friend and not as something more. Besides, you were having fun and he was good, and by the way he was the one seeking you out everytime, you figured he felt the same.
You just didn't consider the fact that you were totally not the only one he was having sex with. Because right now, you were sat at a table at a bar the boys saw not too far away from the venue they were playing at, deciding that a night of drinking was in the cards to commemorate the sucess of the tour so far. And he was at the bar chatting up a pretty blonde. You wanted to know if he was telling her the same things he told you that first time.
"Looks like someone is getting lucky tonight, huh?" Nick sat down next to you, nodding towards Noah and the pretty blonde.
"Looks like it", you acted nonchalant, if any of the boys knew about this thing going on between the two of you, none of them mentioned anything. "He does this often?", you asked him, fishing for information. You had the priviledge of this being the first tour you were embarking on from beggining to end, so no one really thought anything more of your questions.
"Only when we have a hotel room. Can't really do much on a tour bus, you know?", you hummed in agreement, Nick said he was getting more drinks and excused himself.
Later that night, Noah left early (with the pretty blonde) and you went to bed alone.
I thought you thought of me better Someone you couldn't lose
So you decided to do what you did best: distance yourself from him. Every night, you always showed the boys the pictures you'd taken on your camera. Now you told them you wanted to wait until you edited them. You just didn't want anyone to notice you started taking less and less photos of Noah.
Nights out also became less frequent, but everyone just thought the exhaustion of being on tour was finally catching up to you. You didn't bother giving them any other explanation. You had to remind yourself that you were here working, this was your job and you were not gonna let him distract you from that.
You were currently working on some photographs you took on the previous nights, the chatter on the tour bus filling the space. You saw a can of White Claw appear in your field of vision. You didn't have to look up to see that Noah was handing it to you.
You took it from his hand and thanked him, popping it open.
"Is everything good?", he questioned you. He was used to you asking him to sit down, sometimes he would even observe you working because he found it just so relaxing. This time, you barely aknowledged him, just taking the beverage from his hand and going back to work.
"Yeah, just concentrated, you know?", you said, not diverting your eyes from your screen. He thought it was weird, but if you didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't gonna push you. He observed you for the rest of the night.
You honestly didn't know what you expected. For him to take your hands in his and tell you how concerned he was about your sudden distance? For him to notice you were hurting from the decision you made yourself? How much you didn't want to accept that you were like the other girls he banged on a weekly basis? Deep down you knew there was no way for him to know those things if you didn't communicate with him. But he acted like he already forgot what happened, you didn't want to be the one hung up on something that is never going to evolve.
You said, "We're not together" So now when we kiss, I have anger issues
The guys played a festival today. The atmosphere was so different and exciting that it actually took your mind off of things. You met so many other professionals and exchanged so many experiences.
You were talking to Liam backstage as the boys were getting ready to go on stage. You noticed he used a camera different from yours and was excitedly asking him all kinds of information. You were interested in modifying your set up and try other things.
He showed you some pictures he took from earlier in the day and explained to you all the different settings and how he liked to adjust them. You were so distracted that you didn't notice Noah coming up behind you.
"We'll be up in 5 minutes", he told you, startling you quite a bit.
"Ok, I'll take my spot shortly", he nodded, but said nothing else, walking back to the band, the boys going over some last-minute details.
You found it weird, no one ever had to tell you what time you had to do your job, because you know. You decided to exhange numbers with Liam so you could continue this conversation later. You grabbed his phone and started to type your number.
"C'mon, Y/N", you heard Noah again, his behavior starting to piss you off. You signaled for him to wait.
"You're gonna be late, we're going on stage now", he wouldn't leave you alone. You handed Liam's phone back to him and bid him goodbye.
"What the hell are you on my ass about? I know what time I have to do my job, you don't have to remind me", you didn't wait for a response, grabbing your equipment and making your way to side stage.
The interaction put you in a sour mood for the rest of the day and everyone noticed. Your smiley and excited self was now gone, your face serious as you kept your conversation with other people short.
With the festival ending, you made your way to the tour bus, as you waited for the equipment to be loaded so everyone can hit the road again.
Noah was the first one to be back, as he took a seat in front of you. Both of you stayed silent until he decided to speak up.
"Seems like you and Liam were having a pretty good conversation", he noted, not looking at you, picking on a loose strand from his sweatpants.
"Yeah, he was pretty attentive", you responded, not knowing where he wanted to go with this conversation and why Liam was relevant.
"Oh, I bet he was", he let out a low chuckle.
"Yes, he was. Is there anything wrong about a professional conversation?", you crossed your arms in front of you, getting a little bit defensive.
"Professional conversation? Please, tell me you're not this dense", you were in disbelief, catching on to where this conversation was headed. "You honestly didn't notice that this guy is just trying to get in your pants?"
"Please, Noah. Don't compare every man to your shitty self", you scoffed, getting up to leave.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?", he got up after you and you could feel his presence on your back. You turned around to face him.
"Didn't you do just that to get in my pants not too long ago?", your eyes were fierce and held a fire to them.
"Oh, so that is what this is about?"
"I don't know, is it? You're the one who all of a sudden came here telling me who wants to get in my pants", you needed him to enlighten you, because you had sex twice and not even once he came looking for you to talk about it.
"I just thought you wouldn't be so easy", your opened your mouth in shock at his words. Surely this can't be the same person you knew.
"So now you're calling me a whore as well? You weren't complaining about how easy I was and I was sucking you dick"
"That is not what I said", he tried to defend himself.
"Well you might as well have", there was a pause in conversation, but you weren't planning on letting him say anything else. "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Just because we fucked twice doesn't mean you have a say in who I can involve myself with. Besides, you're the one who takes girls to your room every week. So please, spare me hypocrisy"
You turned around and left for good now.
Part 2 maybe???
Wonderful, amazing, magnificent beautiful precious gorgeous thank you so much 
Can I request a Fluffy Friday for Noah please?? The reader is a big fan of BTS and upset because she couldn’t get tickets for their concert. Noah wanting to surprise her and make her happy, is able to pull some strings and get tickets for not just good seats but for VIP backstage pass so she could meet them too.
Thank you 😊 Love reading your stuff 📖
You've been talking about this concert for daaaysss.
Noah knew you were a big fan and thought it was so cute that you got all excited with the things that you like.
The day to purchase the tickets finally came and you were a nervous wreck.
You knew it was going to be difficult but you didn't think it would be THIS difficult.
The tickets were sold out before you even got the chance to add them to your cart to check out.
To say you were upset and pissed was an understatement.
And obviously Noah noticed this, so he decided to use his "I'm in a famous band" privileges.
He talked to a few people and it actually wasn't so hard.
He even scored you a little surprise.
So when the day of the show came, you thought you were waiting in line just like everybody else.
But Noah was on his phone and soon someone was meeting you outside and leading you through the halls of the arena.
"Noah, I don't think we're supposed to be here. Are you sure we're going to the right place?, you murmured to him.
"Just trust me, baby", he told you.
Soon you were led into a room and the gasp you let out was so loud that everyone heard you.
The whole band was standing in front of you.
Suddently, you turned around a hugged Noah really tight. You knew he was the one who did this for you.
You whispered "thank yous" repeatedly in his ear.
Separating from him, you heard him say "I think you're supposed to be hugging those guys"
But everyone just thought it was so endearing how your first response was to express your gratitude towards him.
Okie Dokie imma be like this staring at my phone/ computer waiting for you to update.
casual - n.s.
Inspired by the song Casual by Chappell Roan. Noah is your friend but not your best friend if you know what I mean.
Warnings: angst, Noah is kind of an ass, sad thoughts, neither one of them know how to express themselves and deal with ~feelings~, curse words.
WC: 1.677
My friends call me a loser 'Cause I'm still hanging around I've heard so many rumors That I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch
You were used to the title of "friend". You were friends with the band. You met Nick first, some years ago and he introduced you to everyone else, and after that, where everyone was, you weren't far behind.
You graduated with a degree in photography a couple of years ago, and when the chance of touring with the band and learn from Bryan was presented to you, you couldn't refuse. Who would?
You don't exactly remember when things changed so drastically. Granted, you couldn't call Noah your best friend, but you talked to him everyday, you joked around together and even had a secret sign whenever you were at a party, to tell the other one of you was feeling a little overwhelmed, and was going to step out for a bit.
Looking back at it now, you realized these moments only held significance to you. You thought back to the night everything changed. How he was talking to you so smoothly, how he looked you in the eye and payed attention to every word you were saying, how his hands touched your thighs and finally, how he asked you if you wanted to get out of there and maybe go up to his room.
You also remembered how he asked you to leave not even 15 minutes after you were done, how he laid there scrolling on his phone as you gathered your clothes and put them back on, saying goodbye but not sticking around to hear his response. Pain clawed at your chest, but you pushed it down.
So when it happened again at a house party they were throwing, you left before he had to tell you. You told yourself you could do this, you liked him as a friend and not as something more. Besides, you were having fun and he was good, and by the way he was the one seeking you out everytime, you figured he felt the same.
You just didn't consider the fact that you were totally not the only one he was having sex with. Because right now, you were sat at a table at a bar the boys saw not too far away from the venue they were playing at, deciding that a night of drinking was in the cards to commemorate the sucess of the tour so far. And he was at the bar chatting up a pretty blonde. You wanted to know if he was telling her the same things he told you that first time.
"Looks like someone is getting lucky tonight, huh?" Nick sat down next to you, nodding towards Noah and the pretty blonde.
"Looks like it", you acted nonchalant, if any of the boys knew about this thing going on between the two of you, none of them mentioned anything. "He does this often?", you asked him, fishing for information. You had the priviledge of this being the first tour you were embarking on from beggining to end, so no one really thought anything more of your questions.
"Only when we have a hotel room. Can't really do much on a tour bus, you know?", you hummed in agreement, Nick said he was getting more drinks and excused himself.
Later that night, Noah left early (with the pretty blonde) and you went to bed alone.
I thought you thought of me better Someone you couldn't lose
So you decided to do what you did best: distance yourself from him. Every night, you always showed the boys the pictures you'd taken on your camera. Now you told them you wanted to wait until you edited them. You just didn't want anyone to notice you started taking less and less photos of Noah.
Nights out also became less frequent, but everyone just thought the exhaustion of being on tour was finally catching up to you. You didn't bother giving them any other explanation. You had to remind yourself that you were here working, this was your job and you were not gonna let him distract you from that.
You were currently working on some photographs you took on the previous nights, the chatter on the tour bus filling the space. You saw a can of White Claw appear in your field of vision. You didn't have to look up to see that Noah was handing it to you.
You took it from his hand and thanked him, popping it open.
"Is everything good?", he questioned you. He was used to you asking him to sit down, sometimes he would even observe you working because he found it just so relaxing. This time, you barely aknowledged him, just taking the beverage from his hand and going back to work.
"Yeah, just concentrated, you know?", you said, not diverting your eyes from your screen. He thought it was weird, but if you didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't gonna push you. He observed you for the rest of the night.
You honestly didn't know what you expected. For him to take your hands in his and tell you how concerned he was about your sudden distance? For him to notice you were hurting from the decision you made yourself? How much you didn't want to accept that you were like the other girls he banged on a weekly basis? Deep down you knew there was no way for him to know those things if you didn't communicate with him. But he acted like he already forgot what happened, you didn't want to be the one hung up on something that is never going to evolve.
You said, "We're not together" So now when we kiss, I have anger issues
The guys played a festival today. The atmosphere was so different and exciting that it actually took your mind off of things. You met so many other professionals and exchanged so many experiences.
You were talking to Liam backstage as the boys were getting ready to go on stage. You noticed he used a camera different from yours and was excitedly asking him all kinds of information. You were interested in modifying your set up and try other things.
He showed you some pictures he took from earlier in the day and explained to you all the different settings and how he liked to adjust them. You were so distracted that you didn't notice Noah coming up behind you.
"We'll be up in 5 minutes", he told you, startling you quite a bit.
"Ok, I'll take my spot shortly", he nodded, but said nothing else, walking back to the band, the boys going over some last-minute details.
You found it weird, no one ever had to tell you what time you had to do your job, because you know. You decided to exhange numbers with Liam so you could continue this conversation later. You grabbed his phone and started to type your number.
"C'mon, Y/N", you heard Noah again, his behavior starting to piss you off. You signaled for him to wait.
"You're gonna be late, we're going on stage now", he wouldn't leave you alone. You handed Liam's phone back to him and bid him goodbye.
"What the hell are you on my ass about? I know what time I have to do my job, you don't have to remind me", you didn't wait for a response, grabbing your equipment and making your way to side stage.
The interaction put you in a sour mood for the rest of the day and everyone noticed. Your smiley and excited self was now gone, your face serious as you kept your conversation with other people short.
With the festival ending, you made your way to the tour bus, as you waited for the equipment to be loaded so everyone can hit the road again.
Noah was the first one to be back, as he took a seat in front of you. Both of you stayed silent until he decided to speak up.
"Seems like you and Liam were having a pretty good conversation", he noted, not looking at you, picking on a loose strand from his sweatpants.
"Yeah, he was pretty attentive", you responded, not knowing where he wanted to go with this conversation and why Liam was relevant.
"Oh, I bet he was", he let out a low chuckle.
"Yes, he was. Is there anything wrong about a professional conversation?", you crossed your arms in front of you, getting a little bit defensive.
"Professional conversation? Please, tell me you're not this dense", you were in disbelief, catching on to where this conversation was headed. "You honestly didn't notice that this guy is just trying to get in your pants?"
"Please, Noah. Don't compare every man to your shitty self", you scoffed, getting up to leave.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?", he got up after you and you could feel his presence on your back. You turned around to face him.
"Didn't you do just that to get in my pants not too long ago?", your eyes were fierce and held a fire to them.
"Oh, so that is what this is about?"
"I don't know, is it? You're the one who all of a sudden came here telling me who wants to get in my pants", you needed him to enlighten you, because you had sex twice and not even once he came looking for you to talk about it.
"I just thought you wouldn't be so easy", your opened your mouth in shock at his words. Surely this can't be the same person you knew.
"So now you're calling me a whore as well? You weren't complaining about how easy I was and I was sucking you dick"
"That is not what I said", he tried to defend himself.
"Well you might as well have", there was a pause in conversation, but you weren't planning on letting him say anything else. "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Just because we fucked twice doesn't mean you have a say in who I can involve myself with. Besides, you're the one who takes girls to your room every week. So please, spare me hypocrisy"
You turned around and left for good now.
Part 2 maybe???
What!!!! No you can’t end it like this!!! I need more!!! Please!!!!!!!🙏🏼 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thou Shalt Not Kill- Chapter 7
AU Noah Sebastian x female reader
18+
Summary: Reader is a detective and is assigned to a murder case which she soon connects with previous killings and figures out the religious affiliation, proving there is a new serial killer within the city. Reader soon becomes obsessed with the killers mind and methods and won’t rest until she figures out who the killer is. All while she gets used to working with her new partner on the case, detective Noah Davis.
Warnings: talks of murder/graphic killings, use of religion, serial killer, blood, gore, bad language
Chapter Index Here
I hope you enjoy this chapter and can see all the hidden lines, clues etc I’d placed throughout the story 🫢 this really is only the beginning though, think of it as the end of act 1 if you will 😏 and as always I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!!
Tags: let me know if you wish to be added!@Ima1986 @hayleylatour @reyadawn @thatchickwiththecamera @calleyx13 @millie-aubs @english-fucker @malerieee @ithoughtbynowidfeelbetter @softvgold @lilhobgobbler @glccmreid @badomensls @madomens @loeytuan98 @iluvmewwwww75 @rosebushjhj @livingdeceasedgirl @lilrubles @samanthasgone @blackveilomens @hellayeahsword @lookwhatitcost @doomhands-jr @nojoyontheburn @poisongirl616 @bakanerd @sacredthefran
MASTERLIST
“Morning angel”
Your body froze and you felt your spine go cold at his words. There was only one other person who has called you that.
“Angel? No he can’t be serious….it must have been a mistake surely?”
Feeling Noah move more behind you, his arm tightened around your waist, no doubt feeling your tense body.
“Everything ok?”
You turned to look at him with a small smile, trying hard to relax your muscles down.
“Yeah, I’m good, are you ok?”
Noah stared into your eyes and gave you a cheeky smirk back.
“Well this is definitely one of the better ways I’ve woken up recently”
You were then suddenly very aware that you were both still naked under the blanket so you sat yourself up holding it to your chest.
“There’s no way it’s Noah, it can’t be”
“Yeah, it’s ahh…different to normal. Although seeing as it’s now gone 7, I better start getting ready”
Noah cocked his head to the side with his brows knitted together with a frown on his lips as he continued to stare at you.
“You sure you’re ok?”
You put a big smile on your face and leant in to kiss him which he instantly returned.
“Yeah, just nervous to give my statement….and have my ass handed to me over going in alone yesterday, it was pretty stupid. I’m going to jump in the shower so…I’ll see you at work?”
Noah gave you a small smile and nodded his head.
“Of course, I’ve got to go back to mine before work anyways”
You stood up, still holding the blanket to your body and averted your eyes as Noah simply stood up completely naked with a smirk on his face.
“Don’t get all shy now babe, last night was just a taster of what’s to come”
Despite the uneasy feeling in your stomach, you felt your cheeks go warm at his statement. You waited while Noah got himself dressed and picked up his things before he turned back to you and pressed another kiss onto your lips.
“I’ll be seeing you later”
••••••
After getting yourself ready, you made the drive to work, your mind in overdrive the whole way.
“He’s never called me angel before, why today? He can’t be the killer….there’s no way!”
*
“You know, I’m really impressed that you figured this out, that they were all connected, I doubt anyone would have seen that”
“Are you religious at all detective?”
“I understand that. My family were religious but I never took to it, as you said, I believe in what I can see, hear, smell….touch. Somethings I don’t think god would approve of”
*
Parked up at the station, you took a moment to breathe in your car away from everyone, the tension from this morning still very much present in your shoulders.
“He was raised with a religious background but doesn’t believe it as an adult…why?”
*
“Similar in a way, I was in a car accident with my dad when I was eleven, I only had minor injuries but my dad….he passed away on the scene. The driver that hit us was never caught. I wanted to come into the force to make sure justice was done correctly, for my dad”
*
“His father…that’s when he stopped believing”
You took one more deep breath before you grab your bag and got out of the car to head into the station.
You made your way quickly down the hall, not in the mood to talk to anyone when you heard sergeant Matthews calling out your name.
“Detective Y/L/N. My office please”
Stopping in your tracks, you braced yourself and turned to go into his office.
You stood in front of his desk with your fingers fiddling with each other subtly, waiting for the absolute bollocking you knew was coming.
“Look sir, I know yesterday was bad…”
“Save it Detective”
He let out a frustrated sigh.
“You have been a crucial member of this team for a long time, you certainly know better than to charge into a potentially hostile environment with no back up! What the hell were you thinking?!”
You looked at the desk in front of you before slowly bringing your eyes up to his disappointed gaze.
“I don’t know….I guess I just wasn’t thinking, I just…”
“You’re damn right you weren’t thinking! You could have got yourself killed or others if they had to do a rescue mission to save your ass!”
Sergeant Matthews took another deep breath, clearly thinking of his next words.
“I know this case has taken its toll on you detective, the brutality of it alone has been nothing like we have ever seen. It’s clear to everyone in this office that it’s affected you mentally…but I cannot ignore such a blatant disregard to follow simple orders, not when it endangers the live’s of others….I’m taking you off the case, your gun has already been retrieved from the crime scene and I’d like you to hand over your badge”
Your head snapped up.
“You can’t do that!”
His gaze was firm.
“I just did”
“But sir you don’t understand!”
Sergeant Matthews stood up tall while resting his hands on his desk.
“Enough! My decision is final, you are off the case for good, I don’t want you to have anything to do with it, is that clear?!”
“But I think I….”
“IS THAT CLEAR?”
Tears brimmed your eyes as you nodded in defeat, a feeling of complete sorrow flooding your body.
“Yes sir”
You took your badge from your jacket pocket and put it on the desk in front of him.
“Take some time off detective, clear your head…properly. Then we shall discuss you coming back in the future”
You nodded in silence and walked out quietly, you glanced around the team to see that Noah was nowhere to be found.
•••••••
*
“Yes. There is no way a woman would be able to pull this off alone, she would need help and I just have a feeling this is done by one person, a man. An incredibly strong man I might add”
“Nothing yet I’m afraid, who ever this guy is, he certainly knows how to cover himself, but it’s early days…”
*
You had made it back to your apartment, still in shock that you’d been removed from the case, glancing at your laptop in your bag, you wondered if they had restricted your access yet.
“Worth a shot”
You sat down at the desk in your home office and opened up your login, to your surprise it worked! You knew it wouldn’t be long though so you decided to act fast and start copying the files onto a memory card, no way were you completely done with this case.
“I’m missing something I know I am….the victims are all so different but something must connect them surely?”
*
“What are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?”
“Sorry I got your address from your file…”
*
“File…”
It suddenly clicked in your mind to check the police records for all of the victims names, to see if they were on file.
You went through each name one by one in the police database, each time finding out that each of the victims in the case had all been arrested at some point in their lives.
*
•Nina Platt - rape allegations
•Oliver Wicks - petty theft
•The married couple - possession of drugs
•The twins - arrested for fighting when they were younger
•Geoff Birch - known con man
•And the two people having the affair had also been arrested in their past for petty crimes
*
“So that’s how he done it…he used his access to search for their fingerprints to find them and see their history”
*
“All I’m saying is that clearly detective Y/L/N isn’t up for the job, have you seen her recently? She looks like she’s not slept in weeks and isn’t making the right decisions. If I had her position, I’d be doing things so differently, maybe then we’d actually be getting somewhere in this case”
“Do you like my little gift for you angel?”
“How did you even know about him?”
“I have my ways.”
*
You felt sick to your stomach as it really started to dawn on you what was happening.
Each one of the victims had been found on the database…office Blake….was first hand, an impulsive decision on his part.
You felt your breathing increase as you started to piece it all together in your mind.
*ding*
The sound of an email coming through pulled you out of your thoughts, you went into your work email and saw it was one of your officers, they’d sent a link to another case file.
*
“I’ve been thinking that we need to widen our search, who’s to say that the killings started in LA? For all we know, this guy could have moved around, killed before but has never been caught…”
*
Your eyes scanned over the email, taking his the new information…
•Anthony Jackson
•Male
•53 year old
•Found dead in his own apartment slumped at the dinner table, his heart had been removed and was placed in front of the body.
•Resided in Richmond, Virginia US
*
“Detective Noah Davis. New to station within the last month but had an excellent recommendation from his old station in Richmond, Virginia…”
*
“Why this guy? Who was he to you?”
That sickness feeling was manifesting into a very physical thump in your throat, your body was getting warmer and you felt the need for a very strong drink.
*
“How else do you get the message across?”
“And what is the message?”
“To dethrone god”
*
Your head fell into your hands as the realisation hit, you shut your eyes and tried to control your breathing again, your partner on the case, the man you’d come to find a true comfort and a friend. He was the 10 commandments killer.
“What’s the matter detective? Found anything interesting?”
You jumped up at the sound of Noah’s voice to see him standing in the doorway, leaning up against it casually.
Your heart pounded inside your chest, you had to remain calm so you tried to keep your expression neutral.
“Noah…how did you get in here?”
You noticed his appearance was very casual, black long sleeved turtleneck top, black trousers and he had on a pair of black leather gloves.
“The door was unlocked. You really should be more careful, no idea who could be lurking about”
You forced a smile as he stared at you, not once faltering in his gaze.
“It’s been a mad day…I obviously wasn’t paying attention”
You subtly, slowly and instinctively went to reach for your gun on your hip, for your fingers to find nothing.
“Shit! My spare is in my bedroom”
Noah’s eyes had followed your movements, a small smirk starting to form on his lips as he uncrossed his arms and stood up fully.
“What’s the matter, you look nervous?”
You started to slowly step around your desk, trying desperately to think of away around him to get to your room.
“Nervous….why would I be nervous?”
Noah laughed.
“Oh come now detective, don’t let me down now. My little slip up this morning was very…unfortunate”
You stared back into his eyes, no doubt in your mind that he knew, you now knew.
“Although it wasn’t part of the plan yet, here we are…a very….tricky situation”
His words sounded completely menacing as he took another step closer.
“Stay away from me….I know who you are….and you’re not going to get away with this”
Noah laughed once more.
“Oh yeah? And how are you going to stop me?”
Noah suddenly lunged at you, you tried your hardest to dodge him and to get out of his grip but it was too late, Noah’s hand had brought a sweet, chemical smelling cloth to cover your mouth and nose and you knew it was over as you felt your body becoming weaker as you breathed it in.
“Shhhh I’ve got you angel”
You tried to stay awake, but your attempts to fight back slowly came to a stop as your body became limp and your vision went black.
Oh my heart!! My absolute heart!! ♥️
This was so beautiful to read 😍😍😍 So worth the wait!!!
Sunshine (muscle memory pt. 2)
summary: "true love never leaves, sometimes it just gets lost temporarily. lost in pride and ego, lost in confusion and misunderstanding. but love being lost is never the end; sometimes love needs to breathe before it finds home again."
word count: 17.6k
pairing: reader x noah sebastian
warnings: angst, talks of mental health, feelings of guilt, mentions of marijuana usage, crying, dad!noah, FLUFF
THIS IS PURE FICTION AND IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!!
A/N: yeah so idk how to write short stories really 😭 so this is a long one!! Please make sure to comment and reblog as it helps us writers out immensely!! Much love!
~Berry🫐
“You’re so full of shit!,”
Matt had come back into town, rushing to tell Noah and the guys what had happened while he was out. Noah, Nicholas and Jolly were playing a video game on the big screen when Matt rushed in, Folio nodding in and out of sleep with a bag of chips in his hands after facing a whole blunt by himself.
“Bro, I know what I fucking saw,” Matt was seething, does Noah really think he would lie about something like this? “This wasn’t some Y/N doppelgänger, it was Y/N and she had a baby, a little girl.. who looks just like you might I add. It’s weird!,”
Noah felt like his stomach fell out of his ass. Matt has to be bullshitting. Maybe you were babysitting? There’s no way you had a baby. There’s no way he had a baby.
“It’s hard to tell who babies look like when they’re still that young. Maybe the guy who told you to go away was her new boyfriend,” Jolly tried to justify.
Matt frowned at Jolly’s disposition. Everyone in this room knew you like the palm of their hands. It took you a while to open up to Noah and become his girlfriend and even longer to open up to them to consider them playfully-annoying brothers.
“She’s not like that,” Nicholas clicked away at his controller, brows furrowing as he soaks in the conversation.
Matt clapped his hands and pointed to Nicholas as if to say that the point he made was based, and it was.
Nicholas continued speaking while keeping his eyes trained on the screen, absolutely obliterating the characters within the game, “I mean think about it. If what Matt is saying is true-,”
“And it is!,” Matt interjected but all Nicholas did was roll his eyes and continue speaking,
“-Then the time between Noah and Y/N breaking up versus now, would not be enough time for her to get pregnant by someone else,”
“One night stand after they broke up?,” Folio answered absentmindedly.
“You know damn well that’s not how Y/N is,” Matt just wanted to pull his hair out, “If you saw that baby then you guys would see I’m not lying,”
Noah felt like he might be sick. Even if you two broke up, you would tell him that you were pregnant… right?
But then again, the last few months of your relationship, he wasn’t there, emotionally nor physically so he can’t blame you if you didn’t. It doesn’t hurt any less though and he doesn’t know what to believe.
“Where the hell did you even see her? I figured she jumped ship,” Noah shrugged, “And even if this is the case, Matt. She blocked all of us on… o-on everything so how do you expect me to go about this?,”
The silence from the blond was enough of an answer for Noah but Matt’s silence didn’t mean he didn’t have one.
“Why are you so adamant on denying this?,”
“I’m not!,” Noah let his character go idle long enough for Nicholas to say fuck it and actually pause the entire game, “I just don’t know what to do! I mean, if she acted like she didn’t want to see you then what makes you think she’ll want to see me?,”
The guys knew Noah had a point, but he should still try.
“It’s Sunday. Every other Sunday she goes to the markets and you should know that because you would always be at the studio with Jolly so she would take me with her,” Matt stood there with his arms crossed, he watched the gears turn in Noah’s head but he knew the brunet still wasn’t getting it.
“Okay?,” Noah was stumped.
“Which means she still has her routines, dork!,” he tapped his fingers to his temple as if to tell Noah to ‘fucking think’
“Meaning on Wednesday, she’ll be at the actual grocery store getting what she couldn’t at the market,” Nicholas answered for Matt.
“Are we sure any of this is a good idea?,” Jolly probed, “If you guys ended mutually then one, why would she not tell you, two, why would she block all of us, and three, why would she act like that when seeing Matt?,”
Jolly, Matt and Nicholas had their suspicions about the breakup. Noah had told them it was pretty cut and dry but they could never get your side as you pretty much went off the grid.
“I don’t know!,” Noah held his hands up in frustration, “I don’t know why you guys are acting like I’m not blindsided here,”
“There’s only one grocery store within the town I saw her near. Don’t be on any stalker shit but I’ll bet you my fucking mixing equipment she’ll be there on a Wednesday at 4:45 before the after work rush comes,” Matt refuted.
It felt strange to Noah that all of his friends seemed to read you like a book, but when he thinks about you, you seem like a mystery. Maybe it’s because you had no choice but to become one after a while. It’s his fault you closed yourself off. You tried until you couldn’t yet Noah made your efforts seem pointless. Noah had neglected you, he became a stranger who wasn’t involved in your routines anymore and he’s had more than enough time to realize that after you left.
When you left it felt like his world had stopped. How did he fuck up so bad? Letting the voices in his head get to him, pushing you away with the idea that you’ll someday be with someone who deserves you. The demons in his head convinced him that he wasn’t that someone.
He let the weight of the world crush him. He let the brain fog cloud his vision, his judgment and now here he is, doing his best to get better. Now has the news that he may or may not be a father. He’s spooked by the idea. If he couldn’t be a good partner how does he expect you to let him in for a chance to be a good father… if he can find you that is? He’s petrified.
Except he knows damn well it doesn’t outweigh the panic you felt when he pushed you away, forcing you to go through it all alone.
It had been about two and a half weeks or so since your run in with Matt and it has done nothing but prompted you to stay inside more than you already have been. Reid agreed to drop off your needed items and even stuck around to help around the house. He’s even brought Ms. Ernie by as she’s missed you.
You wanted to get out though. You missed going on walks around the woods, missed stepping foot on the outskirts of the city. You couldn’t hide away forever and you really couldn’t do that to Noelle, she needed to see the outside world.
That’s how you found yourself in the supermarket in town with Ms. Ernie as she asked you what you wanted for dinner.
“I think some mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli will be good sides,” you suggested.
“Want gravy?,”
“No, I’m more of a butter and pepper kinda gal,” you lightly nudged her, patting Noelle’s bottom as she laid quietly in her baby wrap against your chest.
“You kids don’t appreciate good gravy anymore,” she playfully rolled her eyes.
This is something you really needed. Was this a friendship you expected to have? Absolutely not, still it helps you feel normal. You share your eggs from your chickens and she makes you milk and yogurt, she always invites you over for Wednesday dinner, you invite her over for a nice cool lunch while she’s on break from the truck.
“What do we want for dessert?,” you ask, looking at the array of fresh baked goods.
“Pick whatever you want, sweetie. I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go look at the teas, I’m running low and I think they’re on sale!” she waved, taking the cart to go get her favorite brand of iced tea.
“What are we feeling, Sunshine?,” you lightly bounce, her hand reaching up to feel your cheek, “Do we want carrot cake, red velvet? Ouuu that caramel crumble apple pie sounds gooooood,”
You look at her, heart swelling while she just squeals and smiles at you. You never expected yourself to be a parent, a single parent at that- but smiling down at this face, with the cutest, chubbiest cheeks and big, animated eyes, you wouldn’t trade this for anything.
“I know, I think we should get all of them too,” you rub your nose against hers just to hear her babble again. You would never get tired of that sound, it became your favorite song.
“But!-” you open the cooler door and begin reaching, “-Mama is really craving the red velvet,”
Unfortunately for you though, it was on the top shelf and you just weren’t tall enough. You hear yourself grunt as you reach and honestly it’s rather embarrassing. You try again and see no one nearby to ask for help and you feel defeated. All you wanted was a nice piece of cake. Deciding to give up, you slap your hand down against your thigh and look to Noelle to pout at her, “I guess it wasn’t meant to be”
While you were looking at her, you were in your own world. Everything just seemed to stop when you peered into those eyes. Noelle nuzzled her cheek against the back of your finger as you caressed it. All you wanted was a nice dinner followed by eating cake while she slept on your chest, a nice night with you and Ms. Ernie competing against each other while watching a game show.
You were so caught up in adoring your daughter that you didn’t see the large hand that reached over your head to grab the cake you desired.
“Here you go,” a hopeful drone made its way into your ears.
You were so set on having a good night except when you looked up, your smile immediately fell and you were frozen. Your eyes seemed to deceive you because there was no way this was real. You had to be dreaming. There’s no way he’s standing in front of you.
Your body betrayed you. Everyone speaks of fight or flight and a part of you always believed that if you were in a situation where you had to choose, that you’d choose flight, not being the fighting type and opting to always run and hide. But… Now that you’re in a situation like this, there’s a third option many don’t acknowledge.
Freeze.
There’s fight.
There’s flight..
and then there’s freeze…
And you froze.
Your mind and body let you down. Your feet should be carrying your body as far away from his as possible but you just can’t move. You’re trying but they won’t budge.
That smile he shines isn’t helping either. It's an expression you want to wipe off his face but for some reason you can’t help but continue to stare because it’s a smile that you never expected to see again. It clicks that your mind is betraying you again because why are you finding comfort in it?
His eyes were tired but still so beautiful. You notice they hold hope as well as hesitation.
“You always did like red velvet,” he snickered but you didn’t find anything funny. What kind of sick joke is this?
“Get away from me,” you whisper. It sounded more confident in your head, you didn’t want to sound weak. Another bodily betrayal.
“I’m not here to scare you or hurt you. I just want to talk,” he caught a glimpse of the gorgeous baby in your wrap and his breath was taken away.
Matt was right and not just about the baby. But your routines. You never strayed far from your habits, so to see you walking in the store with your baby to your chest made this much more real than Noah could process at once. The poor guy doesn’t know if he’s relieved or scared shitless.
“There’s nothing to talk about. She’s not even yours,” your eyes flit as the tears fall down your cheeks. It felt like you were suffocating now. You know Matt spilled and really, you couldn’t blame him because if you were in Noah’s position, you’d want to be told as well. But then again.. you wouldn’t be in this position if you were him because you would’ve tried to save your relationship.
Being found so easily wasn’t something you planned and now you’re battling the feelings of wanting to slap him or run in his arms because while he hurt you- Noah was it for you. He was endgame. Seeing him stirred all these feelings inside that were now giving you vertigo, causing your stomach to swirl and a lump to form in your throat.
“Y/N, she looks just like me. There’s a lot to talk about,”
He tried to get another glimpse but you shielded her in the wrap. No, no way in hell. Taking a giant step back, you hold her closer, “I won’t let you take her away from me. She’s all I have, Noah. I won’t let you,”
Noah took a step forward and could only brandish defeat when you took yet another step back.
“I’m not trying to take her from you,” Noah knows he has no right to be offended. Like, let’s think- you two broke up and his best friend bumped into you, now Noah knows about his child and he found you in a random supermarket after you fought tooth and nail to stay away from him. It would make sense why you think he’d take her from you, but that’s far from what Noah wants. It’s a long shot but he wants to make this right.
Noah understands that he fucked up in the past but he wouldn’t do that to you, “That’s why I want to talk. I want a chance to be there,”
A scoff from you echoes in the empty aisle. How rich.
“You weren’t even there for me and you expect me to believe you’ll be there for her?,” You grit through your teeth, “She is too precious to be let down by you, Noah. Do it to me all you want but not when it comes to my daughter,”
A frown etched its way onto Noah’s face, waving his hands as if to say ‘wait, hold up’. He knows he hasn’t been there but he’s not about to be some deadbeat.
“Our… daughter,” he corrected, “You didn’t even give me a chance to know so I could be there,”
“You’ve got some fucking nerve!,” your voice had gone shrill and you were thankful that there was little to no people in the store. You wished he would have approached you outside, then you really wouldn’t have to worry about keeping your voice down.
“ ‘Our’ daughter, Noah? Really?! If you weren’t there before I was pregnant-,”
“I told you I just needed time,” he interjected, still holding onto that sentiment.
“I gave you four years!,” you spat, “Four years of me, Noah. I gave you four years to learn how to love me. To learn how to communicate even up until the end,”
Who knows how much time he would have needed. Who knows if he’d have even gotten his shit together by the time you found out you were with child and gave birth. Having Noelle now, you know for certain you couldn’t have just sat with idle hands.
“Y/N please,” he begged, still holding the cake in his hands, “I love you and I fucked up. It’s been killing me since the day you left and how I never had to chance to make it right, then Matt told me-”
“Matt is wrong. Matt doesn’t know what he’s talking about!,” you really weren’t trying to make a scene here and you were still trying to convince Noah that Noelle wasn’t his.
“She has my eyes, Y/N. She’s a perfect mix of you and me. Please, just, can we talk about this over coffee. I know you don’t owe me anything but can we meet for lunch or something?,”
Before you could answer with a fat ass denial, Ms. Ernie is coming up with her noisy cart, scooting along with a small frown on her face.
“They done moved my tea, I had to ask for help,” she frowned. She was never the type to like asking for help in stores, she liked it when things were easy to find.
She moves to stand beside you, waiting for your response but then she notices the look of shock you’re wearing and meets Noah’s eyes. It took her a second before she gawked, looking to Noelle and back to Noah.
“That’s that baby’s daddy!,” she looks over her glasses and you loudly sigh at her statement. She didn’t always read the room well.
“Ms. Ernie!,”
“Sorry, honey but it’s undeniable,” she shrugs, looking back to Noah, “You gonna put that cake in my cart or just stand there looking pretty,”
Noah stammered before rushing to set the cake down in the cart and turning to you. Words seem to catch in his throat, not exactly sure what to say.
“I know you blocked us all on everything so just… reach out when you’re ready. I really would like to talk about all of this,”
“I gotta go” Looking to Ms. Ernie so that she would get the hint to start walking. You knew you were in for a long night of her lectures, no matter how insightful they always were, you weren’t ready.
You had a feeling for how the night would go now. This feeling had your stomach queasy as if you’re on a boat, feeling the waves rock you to and fro. It was hard to face the music but she was going to make you. That’s just how Ms. Ernie was, you just weren’t ready for her to be right about it all.
“Give him a chance, sweetie,”
Noelle was fast asleep while you leaned on Ms. Ernie’s shoulder, eating your cake and watching Wheel of Fortune. You wanted your night to go just like this but it wasn’t enjoyable, not with all that was plaguing your mind.
“I can’t let him back in,” you think about it, recalling how bad it hurt you the first time around, “Now that Noey is involved, I can’t let my guard down. I’m a mom now, I have to protect her,”
“I’m not saying throw your whole hand in,” she sipped her tea, “Have a drink with him. I can call Reid to help me with our cute lil plum,”
It wasn’t a secret to how badly you were emotionally wounded when you and Noah parted ways, but it also wasn’t a secret to Ms. Ernie just how bad you love him. From the day you met her, she claimed you and Noah would find your way back to each other. You always told her it was a fat chance. Even now, your heart was playing tug of war.
Do you stay away? Leaving him to wallow in his bad decisions? or do you lean into the possibility of mending things?
“I never stopped loving him, that’s why I’m scared,” you sit up to look at her, she looked so noble when looking at you over her glasses like that, “I watched him love me less and less until our love just became an empty shell. I watched him pick his job over me and I can’t put her through that,”
Ms. Ernie reached over to wipe your tears when she caught sight of your trembling chin. It was comforting, like a grandma tending to her grandchild while they experienced a melancholic mood.
“Take it slow. Take time to get to know the new him and he can take the time to get to know the new you,”
“Does he deserve that though?,”
“Mmm,” she shrugged, “Sometimes a lot of good can come out of a second chance. What if you and him were meant to part ways, only so you two could find each other again?”
“Love shouldn’t come to that, no?,” a twinge of confusion worming its way into your tone
“Oh honey. You’ve got a lot to learn about love,” she lightly swatted your leg, “No amount of time and space can separate you from those that are meant to be in your life. This is a second chance to create a new story,”
You called it. You knew she was gonna get all philosophical on you and be right about all of this.
“Don’t rush into it but…” she sighed, “Give it a shot,”
You don’t even know if you were strong enough to lift the metaphorical gun to give it a shot. Pondering her words each bite at a time while you finish your treat, how do you go about this without immediately falling in love with him again? He was so easy to love even when you didn’t want to, even in his faults. One look at him and it felt like the first day you met him.
You were standing at the bus stop one day, sighing at having to take public transportation as your anxiety has been in overdrive since your car was in the shop. Public transportation meant a lot of people in close quarters and you just couldn’t handle that right now.
In the midst of your mind being in a flurry, a group of rowdy men are approaching. You’re too caught up in trying to reduce your apprehension to notice them getting closer until a nameless man bumps into you, knocking your token out of your hand.
Watching it fly from your hand, floating in mid air, all you can do is try to catch it but it just wasn’t your day. Your token falls down the street drain and your gasp causes the rowdy group to stop.
“No! No, no, no, no noooo!,” you fall to your knees and look down the drain to see the token shining up from the bottom. It was mocking you.
“Dang it!,” your head falls in your hands, wallowing in embarrassment. The token station was 9 blocks away, there was no way you’d make it there and back in time. Of course the transit app wasn’t working on your phone either, you’d been telling yourself to get a new phone carrier for months now, now look at you.
“I’m… so sorry!,”
Removing your head from your hands, your eyes move in the direction in which the voice came. Your breath is instantly taken away once again but for a whole other reason.
“I can pay for another token,” he offers, helping you up, his large hands grasping your biceps to get you up right.
“No it’s okay I can-,”
“Please. It’s the least I can do,” the tall brunet insisted. Your words are caught in your throat, eyes trying to drink in his beauty before he becomes only a memory.
“Nice going, Noah!,” a tall blond wearing a hat pushes him.
“Watch where you’re going, asshole,” another chuckled, he was also decked out in tattoos, gorgeous black hair and glittering eyes.
But your eyes were on the inked man in front of you, the one who made your day even more of a rollercoaster than it already has been. While his friends make fun of him, your eyes are tracing over his tattoos, you’d never seen so many on one body in person before.
“Is… is that a Garden of Eden reference?,” you point to his neck.
He touches his throat and chuckles, a noise that you weren’t aware would change your life.
“Yeah, yeah it is,”
“It’s nice,” you mutter, afraid to speak above a certain octave. You don’t talk to people much, you were only a lonely librarian who went to work, staying in the basement all day to organize books and then go home.
“Thanks…?” he trails off but points to you ask if to ask you a question
“Y/N,” you spill out, “M-my name is Y/N,” you anxiously stick out your hand for him to take and shake, “I think he just called you Noah?,”
“Yeah that’s me,” his smile… my God his smile was hypnotizing. His smile could cure all sadness
“You owe me a bus pass,” you point out, “A-and… and I can pay you back over a cup of tea and some fresh scones at my favorite bakery downtown,”
Your confidence not only caught him off guard, but you as well. You’d never suggest something like that to someone and now you’re overthinking the fact that you’ve made such a fool of yourself.
“Sorry that was… that was abrasive and demanding. That was so rude. Y-you were just being nice and I just… you’re just so pretty and oh my God… Y/N shut up-,”
“Hey,” he softly talked over you, wanting to calm you down without scaring you.
“We’ll stick around until the bus comes so I can pay for your pass and we can trade numbers to set up a date for those scones,”
A date… a DATE?! You’ve only ever been on a handful of dates before and they all went terribly. Surely he didn’t mean like… a date-date, right? Like, you’re sure he just meant a little meetup so you could actually pay him back.
“O-okay!,” wide eyed, you nod your head and look around to his friends that are smiling and laughing and you don’t know if they’re laughing at you. It’s okay if they are, you’re used to it.
“Don’t mind them. They’re assholes,”
“We are not!,” a shorter man punches his arm, “I’m Nick by the way, but you can call me Folio. That’s Jolly, Nicholas, Matt, Davis and Bryan!,”
You nod to them all, making a note of their names.
“Y/N,” you sputter, “I’m Y/N,”
“We heard,” Jolly smiled.
“Right,” you give a bashful smile and turn from them to sit on the bench, “The buses are running 20 minutes late today so you really don’t have to wait,” you set your book in your lap.
“I insist. If these jerks are in a rush, they can go without me,” Noah throws a hand back at them. He’s not surprised that that’s exactly what they did.
They left Noah there, giving you two the chance to talk about the most random things, like your favorite book genres to read, things on your bucket list, aliens, paranormal shit. Just fun things. This is the most you’ve talked to any stranger you’ve ever met, you don’t even talk to your co workers like this.
Noah let you yap about your interests, he admired the way you animated your speech with your hands. He was absolutely enamored with the way you bounced in your seat when he brought up a topic that excited you and he made a mental bookmark so he could memorize the way your eyes close when you laugh.
Noah didn’t believe in love at first sight but this felt like it.
While discussing your favorite twilight characters, the noise of the approaching bus pulled you from your conversation, Noah can see how your face dropped. Your conversation went by too quickly.
“We can have more conversations like this,” Noah shows you his screen, displaying his number and you curse to yourself, knowing he can see you shaking while you hurry to type it into your phone. Your heart was beating out of your chest, he is so sweet and so fricken cute and his tattoos are so cool and he just sat here to talk to YOU?! No one ever just talks to you.
He’s even nice enough to help you onto the bus and get you seated before saying his saddened farewells to leave you. His demeanor gave off reluctance and you felt like you were in a rom-com when he stood outside the bus, waving as it began rolling away.
Your face was hotter than hell, there’s no way any of that just happened. Your phone felt heavy in your hands, demanding to be opened. Gnawing at your lip, your fingers dance on your screen, trying to figure out what to say.
You went with a simple text, something quirky. Something that you hope he’ll answer to and not ghost you after the way you opened up to him so easily.
“So… about those scones?”
All those memories flood back and you can feel the dampness of your face. Where did that Noah go?
How did your once grey world that become so colorful so quickly with his presence, fade into grey once more with his absence in the blink of an eye?
What happened to him that he became so detached? What was lying beneath the surface that he let fester until he let it impact your relationship?
You feel Ms. Ernie takes the plate away from you and rests her hand on your cheek, pulling you out of the pit you were digging with your overactive questioning.
“I got the spare bedroom ready for ya, go get some rest,”
Taking her advice, Noelle snuggled into you as you carried her to the spare room where Ms. Ernie had set up a spare bassinet. You had tucked her in, making sure she was safe and secure before plopping down on the bed with a large sigh, heels of your palms pressing into your eyes to subdue your flowing tears. Now that you were alone, the weight of everything came down.
Tired of feeling so scatterbrained, you grabbed your phone, tapping away at the screen to have your thumb hovering over his name. Was this a good idea? Do you give in this easily? Would this be healthy for your mental state right now? Maybe Matt was right, this wasn’t about you, this was about Noelle, she deserved her dad, right?
But what about protecting her? You didn’t want to introduce him into her life just for him to turn around and jump ship when things got too hard.
Here goes the vicious cycle of overthinking and all the possibilities that made themselves known with the heaviness, giving you no other choice but to feel it filling up your chest. How soon did you want to do this? Did you even want to do this at all?
You’ve been blaming yourself since that day at the market. Had you gone earlier like you always do, you wouldn’t have bumped into Matt, or if you had paid attention, you could have avoided him. There were so many outcomes the universe shuffled in its hand and yet the card you were dealt was the situation you were facing right now.
Finally having enough of your own inner dialogue, a deep breath escapes you when clicking on his contact, closing your eyes when hitting Unblock Caller
Just like the day you met him, you’re faced with the challenge of what to say, except this time there was nothing cute or quirky to say. It was simple and serious.
Tomorrow 12pm at the bakery downtown.
That’s all you could come up with before pressing send. It’s almost like he was waiting by his phone, waiting for you to reach out and it makes you kick yourself. What if this is a set up and you’re falling into his plan.
Wait, no.
Noah has messed up but, He wouldn’t do that… would he? He wouldn’t hurt you any further. You hope you’re right because now this is happening.
I’ll be there.
Sleep fought you all night. In and out of sleep to either tend to Noelle or simply because your mind wouldn’t power down for the night. When you were finally able to get some shut-eye, it was like it was already time for the sun to rise.
Ms. Ernie had breakfast ready for you after you fed Noelle, scooting around her quaint kitchen humming the tune of a classic she grew up listening to. Your nerves were bad as you thought of the day ahead.
“So, what are your plans today?,” she questions.
Slowly chewing your food, your eyes avert down to the table. Why do you feel so embarrassed to admit that you’re meeting him today despite her calling it?
“I uhm, I was going to ask if-,”
“Yes. Reid is already on his way,” the elderly woman delivered a smug expression, she’s been on Earth long enough to know how young love works.
You chuckle at her and shake your head, “You don’t even know what I was going to ask,”
“Baby, I can read you like a book. You’re gonna go see him. I could tell before you went to bed last night. We’ve spent enough time together for me to know you’re not over him,”
Knowing this fact made you feel an ounce of shame. You should be over him. He showed his ass last year yet you’re not sure if the alarm bells that are going off in your head are due to actual warning or if they’re sounding off because you can’t seem to do anything other than overthink. It’s a terrible habit and an even more terrible predicament to be in.
“Am I jumping into this?,” you rub Noelle’s back absentmindedly, enjoying the weight of her in your arms to ground you. Maybe you should have given it a couple days. Did it seem desperate to message him so soon? You were supposed to hate his guts
“It was going to have to happen at some point, dear,” she shrugs while cleaning the kitchen, “You’ve left some bricks of milk in the freezer, you’ve left some spare bottles, diapers, all that. With Reid here to help me she’s in good hands times 2,”
Almost as if she had summoned him, Reid knocks and enters through her front door, a bright smile on his face that you’ve come to learn really helps calm you down. You were thankful for the connections you’ve made since being on your own.
These people were your village and you were in good hands, meaning Noelle was too.
“Gooooooood morning!!,” he claps, hugging Ms. Ernie before moving to you to steal a piece of bacon off your plate. Reid hugs you as well, taking Noelle from your arms.
“I can’t forget you, sunshine!,” he holds her up in the air and she screams in excitement, dropping her head on his chest when he pulls her in.
Ms. Ernie could tell your nerves were getting the best of you, it’s happened enough times to know that spaced out look on your eyes.
“Finish eating and get ready. You can take my car,” she scoots around the kitchen to set her keys on the counter.
“I can call an Uber” not wanting to impose
“Nonsense!,” she waves her hand with a frown, “Your car is back at the cabin, my car doesn’t get much use cause I always take my truck. It’s not a problem,”
Reid sits beside you and rubs your back as a means of comfort, it’s written all over your face that you’re distraught, you never did master your poker face.
“Hey, you got this,”
You drop your head on the table and can feel the tears welling once more.
“Am I stupid for letting him in so easily?,” the familiar knot was forming in your throat, warning that tears would soon begin to fall if you didn’t pull yourself together, “He literally told me he didn’t love me like he used to, then last night says he never stopped. It’s hurting my head. I went about year without him and now I’m going to meet him and I’m terrified,”
“Y/N,” Reid began, “How do eat an elephant?,”
You turn to him and frown at his question. But this is Reid, you know he’s about to say something corny.
“How?,”
“One bite at a time,” he comforts, “It’s okay to feel nervous. It’s okay to overthink all of this and it’s okay to think about the cons. But what if this turns into something good?,”
“It was supposed to be something good the first time,” you hiccup. It’s just tearing you apart all over again to think about what could have been if he’d tried harder back then. You could have been a happy family instead of going through this.
“But then I guess I wouldn’t have met you guys,”
“Exactly. Everything happens for a reason,” Ms. Ernie interjects, “But if you get back with him, you better not forget us,”
Her words were jaw dropping, you know she was saying it as a joke but there was a twinge of truth in them. You all have gotten so close and it would crush her if you left and never looked back.
“I would never dream of it,”
You arrived at the bakery an hour early. Your thoughts wouldn’t slow down unless you did and your nerves were on fire the closer it got.
Maybe this was a bad idea. No… this definitely was a bad idea, right? This bakery brought so many memories. What kind of self torture is it to recommend meeting at the place you two had your first date?
It’s 12 now and he’s still not here. Your chest starts to ache and you don’t know if stress is the cause or if it’s because you knew this was too good to be true.
The reality of having a baby scared him off. He wasn’t ready to be a parent. He’s a big shot rock star, sitting here with the realization made it click that he’s not ready to give that up. He loved his job too much.
It was now 12:06 and there was still no sign of him. You weren’t going to text him, he shouldn’t need a reminder, especially because he never followed up today.
Exhaling mournfully, you gather your belongings, standing up to leave when you hear the bell to the front door and heavy, pattering feet-
“I’m here!!,” panting, hands on his knees as he gets to the table, “I’m here! Accident blocked off the highway- had to take a detour- sped here, no parking. Had to park 2 blocks away so I ran,” he slid into the booth, running a hand through his hair to calm down.
His face was cherry red, chest rising and falling quickly, he looked beat. You don’t say a word, you just slip him your water and he whispers his gratitude just as he chugs it, taking a napkin to wipe his mouth.
“I don’t have her here with me,” a monotonous tone leaves you.
He nods, taking a second to compose himself, trying to get his heart rate down so that he could have a calm conversation.
“I expected that,” leaning back in his seat, his eyes settle in on you and you start to feel self conscious, “You’re still as beautiful as the day I met you,”
“Noah,”
“No, I know I fucked up, Y/N. Trust me, no one knows more than me,” he leans his elbows on the table, dipping his head to catch your eyes that way you can see he was being honest, “I’ve kicked myself in the ass ever since then,”
“I can’t just let you back in, Noah,”
“And I don’t expect you to,” his hand comes to his lips, pressing on them as he thinks, “Everyday I thought about you and what I could have done better. I have therapy now, I learned better coping mechanisms. I know that’s something I should have done before I got that bad, but I didn’t just do it for you I did it for me because I wasn’t treating myself the nicest either,”
Maybe you should have taken a page out of his book and gotten help, but with being a single parent, you didn’t really have time for that.
“I loved you and I still do. You said that you probably weren’t the one for me but you’ve got it so wrong,”
His words reverberate off the walls of your ear canal. This is why all of this is confusing. If he was going through something mentally, why wasn’t he honest instead of shattering you to pieces?
“You’re just saying that because there’s a baby in the picture,” you accuse.
“Ask Matt… ask Nicholas even. This has been going on since the day you left. Finding out about our daughter only solidified it even more that I want a life with you,”
There’s no way this is genuine.
“Noah, I can’t just trust y-,”
“I know. You set the pace, I will respect that,”
There.
Those words started to chip away at the walls that you’d built up. They must not have been very thick, or very strong. Or maybe Noah just had that ability.
“Do you… can I see pictures of her at least?,” He asks as if he’s nervous almost, “I get it if you don’t want to I just-,”
A part of you wanted to tell him no. You didn’t want to reveal her to him just yet. He should work a little harder to prove that he’s legitimate in his stance. A few words shouldn’t grant him this opportunity. Nevertheless, your iced out attitude began melting at his expression, showing him a couple pictures wouldn’t hurt.
“No I can,” you open your phone to your camera roll, having a whole album of her. You’ve taken pictures of her since the day you had her. She’s a beautiful baby and you suppose he could see pictures of his own child, he’s missed out on enough, hasn’t he?
“This is when she was born. I did a water birth,” you show him a picture of you holding her, umbilical cord still attached, “My medical staff was great,”
Then you slid through the album showing him other pictures absolutely adoring your daughter and how cute she is
“This is the first time she smiled at me,” you look at him and you can see the sparkle in his eyes as he stares at the screen. There was a gentle smile on his lips, registering in his mind that this little human was a piece of him.
“She’s a sweet baby. Doesn’t really cry, she’s a squealer when she laughs,”
You play videos of her giggling and babbling and he is instantly in love, seeing this look on his face stirs a guilt inside of you that you never felt before. Maybe he should have known. Things could have been resolved by now had you not been selfish.
But there’s that nagging little voice telling you that you deserved to be selfish at least once in your life. It felt like your mind was in a blender.
“What’s her name?,” he looks to you hopefully. Were you ready to give him that information? It’s silly but the more he knows, the easier it will be for him to tear down the walls you built around yourself. It’ll make it easier for him to weasel his way into the picture again and you weren’t sure yet if you wanted to keep this a co-parenting arrangement or what.
“You don’t have to tell me right now,” he sees the hesitation on your face.
“Noelle,” you answer softly, “Her name is Noelle. I named her after you. But we also call her Sunshine, Plum or Noey, that one’s new,”
He broke out in the brightest smile you’d ever seen. You missed that smile, those beautiful lips framing his beautiful teeth. It was a smile that once brought you peace that is now bringing confusion.
“That’s…,” he gives a breathy chuckle, using his fingers to press into his eyes to keep the tears at bay, “That’s lovely,”
“Yeah, look at who her mom is,” you flip your hair as a joke and suddenly the tension isn’t as heavy. You’re supposed to be icy right now but the hopeless romantic within you is fighting the broken-hearted girl. One could only guess who is winning.
“Yeah, exactly,” Noah is seen getting nervous as the conversation progresses, he doesn’t know what questions are off limits, “So what are you up to these days? You’re not at the library anymore,”
“You looked for me at the library?,” you frown. You left that place a long time ago.
“I sat out on the bench everyday for at least three months before we had to leave for tour,”
Why couldn’t he give you that energy before? Where he used to meet you outside on the bench after you got off, sometimes with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and sometimes with your favorite take out and you’d have little date nights on the library bench. Why did that flame have to die?
Was life about to present you with new, better tools? Improved ways to bring it back? To make it a raging forest fire that can’t be put out? A lover like you can only hope.
“I work from home. With finding out about Noelle I needed something relaxed, I’m still in the field of library science. I work as an analyst,”
His eyebrows perked up, just like the first time you two ever met when you told him what you did for a living. His interest now was a big 180 from last year.
“Y/N that’s.. that’s amazing,” he leans forward, prompting you to talk about it more. You go on and on about your job, about how cool it is to you and he sat there and listened. Not once did he break eye contact, he interacted with the conversation and it felt like things were how they used to be.
“How’s the Bad Omens life?,” you ask, finally getting winded from talking about yourself.
Noah plasters a look of pride on his face. You wanted so badly to keep up with them but that would do you a disservice while trying to mend what was hurting you.
“It’s great! We’re blowing up, so many more places we can tour now, merch sales are off the hook. We have a new one dropping soon and I uh… I designed one for Noelle, I’ll just need her size,”
His words caught you off guard. How does he have something planned for her already?
“Noah,” he’s got you swooning so easily. This was your Noah.
Snap out of it, Y/N!
If he’s serious, make him work for it.
“I think it’s pretty cute! Nicholas and I brainstormed on it together, it’s a Bad Omens x Noelle exclusive,”
The laughter that escaped you was a melody Noah thought he’d never hear again. When it dies down, his mouth begins to itch with a question he’s been wondering for a long time now.
“Are you,” he clears his throat, “Are you seeing anyone?,”
Your eyes flicker at his question, adjusting in your seat. Snatching the cup of water that was on the table, looking him in his eyes when you set it down after a sip.
“I told you,” tongue in cheek, playing with your fingers to ease your mind, “I wouldn’t be able to fall in love with anyone else. You were it for me,”
You search his eyes, wanting to cry for the sole basis that you never thought you’d see them again. They were the eyes you looked to whenever you were desolate, excited, or livid. No matter what you were feeling you could simply look at him and he was always there, until he wasn’t.
“I meant it when I said I loved you and you fucking sat there and told me that you didn’t love me like you used to,”
“I don’t know why I said that-,”
“It gutted me,” anguish covers your face like a mask, trying to keep yourself from crying while that night replays in your mind like a movie, “You just sat there like it didn’t even hurt you,”
“It hurt me like you wouldn’t believe,” he persisted
“So why didn’t you try?,” your lip hurts from biting it so hard, if you don’t stop it’ll bleed soon enough, “I gave you so much of me, even up until I couldn’t, when I had nothing left and you just… sat there!,”
“I was an idiot,” he admitted, “I fucked up when I decided to love my career more than anything. I messed up when I let it weigh me down,”
“I don’t care that you loved your career, Noah. I cared whether you showed up for us or not. You did until you became complacent,”
“I know I didn’t,” he answers, “I know I didn’t try hard enough. I know I gave up too quickly and those decisions have been haunting me every fucking day. I know I made this bed but I don’t wanna lie in it anymore,”
Taking a napkin from the table to wipe your eyes, you look around to make sure no one is looking at you. You thought in your mind that you’d be stronger but deep down, you expected the tears even though it’s embarrassing to be this emotional in public.
“Were you even honest with everyone or did you make me the villain?,”
“I told them it was mutual,” he confesses in shame.
Choking on your sobs, you shake your head and just look out the window, “So you made them think I just skipped town? That’s so fucked up, Noah. I would have never done that to you,”
“I will tell them the truth,” He panicked, “I don’t know why I lied to them I just… I knew they’d make the guilt worse and I figured the damage was done. I knew if they knew the truth they’d make me reach out but after that I didn’t have the right to reach out to fix it,”
There’s a silence that floats between you two after his words. The culpability of hurting you ate at him while the heartache gnawed away at you.
Both were parasites feeding on their hosts. Ruining their lives, doing their best to reduce them to nothing.
The parasitism ends here though.
“If-” you hiccup, gathering your things, “If you want even a sliver of a chance of being in Noelle’s life… of us getting back together, of us being a family… then you’ll start with being honest with our friends,”
Noah was so anxious that he just might throw up. He wanted you back and he didn’t want to miss out on having a family. He’s missed out on enough due to his own transgressions.
It took Noah a few days to muster up the strength to tell everyone. Every time he tried, he stumbled over his words and gave up. He had to do this though, it wasn’t fair to lie on your name to save his face.
Noah found himself with the guys, all gathered for game night. Snacks spread out all over the table, Folio was high, laughing while throwing a squid at Matt on the course, fucking up Matt’s winning streak. All of them were having a good time but Noah couldn’t focus on having fun, what he was about to confess wasn’t fun by any means. After a few rounds of Mario Kart, he paused the game and sighed, many groans of dismay being heard around the living room.
“What’s your problem?,” Jolly questioned, “I was about to whoop your ass on the Bone-Dry Dunes!,”
Noah felt his breathing pick up. It was now or never.
“It wasn’t mutual,” he blurts out, heart racing in his chest, he can hear his blood rushing in his ears.
“The fuck are you talking about?,” Folio burps obnoxiously loud and Bryan kicks him for being gross about it.
“Y/N and I, the break up wasn’t mutual,” he finds his switch controller a lot more interesting than the feeling of their eyes burning holes into his skin.
“Again, that begs the question… what the fuck are you talking about?,” Matt’s voice sounds strained, like he knows and is getting irritated with the suspense.
“Before she left. I told her that I didn’t love her like I used to. I got overwhelmed with the band. I was… I got deep in my head and started to self sabotage. I neglected her and I fucked up,”
A stillness dresses the air, Noah can feel the tension. He can’t bring himself to look up and see their expressions, he’s ashamed, he should be. How did he go so long with this secret? How did he go about his life knowing he broke the trust of one of the sweetest souls that walked this Earth?
“Woah…,” Davis muttered in a daze. His single word response was enough to have all hell breaking loose.
“I’m going to kick your fucking ass!,” Nicholas threw his controller at Noah, heat from his frustration reddening his cheeks, “Are you fucking kidding me, Noah? Is that why she ran off?,”
“That’s exactly why,” he nodded, cursing at himself. He feels so embarrassed to say it out loud. This is the first he’s ever admitted this outside of therapy. These are people that mattered, people whose opinions mattered the most.
Matt sat up like he’d seen a ghost, a light bulb moment happening for him, “That’s why she didn’t tell you about the baby,”
“BABY?!,” Folio screeched, “where the fuck was I?!,” Hands stuck out as if to gesture “wtf” Folio was always ten steps behind everyone else, even when he was in the room at the time of conversations.
“You were super high, you passed out,” Jolly waved at him to shut up, turning to Noah, “You’re our brother which means I have to be honest. That is a dick ass move, Noah. She was nothing but patient with you. She loved you, supported you even when it was hard because you were gone all the time. What the fuck?,”
“She was always there no matter what you needed,” Bryan added, while it took a while for you to open up to everyone, when you did, they became your little family, “She was always there for you, always there for us,”
“I miss when she packed our lunches for the studio,” Folio sighed like he was daydreaming. Once again finding it hard to read the room.
“Not the time!,” Nicholas gritted through his teeth
“I’m just saying!,” Folio defended, “She took care of all of us,”
Nicholas stuck out his hand to shut Folio up. If there was anyone up in arms about this, it was him. They all became your family and it hurt them when you left without a word. Now that he knows the full story, it makes him livid to know it was Noah who pushed you away. This could have been avoided.
“We were worried sick about her, Noah!,” Nicholas was more upset than any of them, and that’s saying a lot, the others were quite upset, “That girl who stuttered over her words the first time she met you still stuttered after years of being with you because she loved you, because you still made her nervous! After years of being with you she was still smitten and because of the stress.. you… y-you say that shit to her?,”
Noah really had no rebuttal. He knew Nicholas was right. There were no words for him to defend himself with. It almost brought him to tears, unsettled by his own behavior and now that other people know… now that the people closest to him know- it changes everything and forces him to reflect even more.
“Instead of talking to her, talking to us to keep you from doing something so stupid- instead of doing.. anything! You pull a coward ass move!,”
Nicholas viewed you as if you were a younger sibling, taking you under his wing, understanding your reclusive personality. He was the first person you connected to outside of Noah. He had a feeling when he only ever got vague answers when asking about the break up.
“It was time I was honest. I want to make this right with her. I want a chance to see my daughter and be a dad but it starts with honesty.” Noah mumbled, “I just want her back and I want a second chance whether I deserve it or not. I want to be there for Y/N like I always should have been. I want to be there for Noelle. I’m sorry it took so long to come clean.”
“Yeah?,” Matt’s jaw clenches as he ponders what has been said. He has his own thoughts regarding the matter but Nicholas seemed to cover them all for the most part, “I hope she makes you work like hell for it!,”
All Noah can really do is agree, they’re right. He was a coward, he did take the easy way out instead of facing his own problems and insecurities, and you should make him work like hell to get you back, to earn his place in Noelle’s life.
“Noelle,” Folio trails off, giggling to himself as he says the name, “Noeeeellee,”
“Dude, shut the fuck up!,” Jolly shouted with a bit of laughter layered underneath, Folio is such an airhead, it’s hard to have serious conversations like this around him. At least it eases some tension.
“It’s a cute name!!,”
“She’s an adorable baby,” Matt confirmed, “I only got a glimpse of her but she looks just like Noah,”
“Nah,” Noah shook his head, “She has my eyes but she has the curl of Y/N’s lashes. She has my lips but she has her mama’s chin. She has my dimples but Y/N’s cheeks. She’s both Y/N and me. She’s beautiful,”
Davis scoffs, raising his eyes, “Well you better get your shit together,”
“Yeah! I’m ready to be one kick ass uncle!,”
“Shut up, Folio!,”
You had taken it upon yourself to unblock everyone, figuring that if Noah told them the truth that they’d want to reach out, which they did.
It was scary at first, Noah had been a coward but you had your cowardly moments as well. Running off and not saying a word to people who cared about you- it wasn’t the nicest thing to do. Going through this with Noah had you realizing there are some things you would have done differently. This is a time of self reflection for everyone.
Although you’d been talking with them over the last week or so, you didn’t let the conversation stray too far from how you were doing. You weren’t ready to introduce them to Noelle or the idea of her just yet, you’re sure Noah has talked about her a bunch but you didn’t want to get too close to everyone again as of right now.
Ms. Ernie and Reid have been watching Noelle while you and Noah rebuild yourselves.
Dates that you made sure to let him know weren’t ‘actual dates’, walks at the park that turned into introspective discussions. It was all a work in progress and it made Ms. Ernie’s words hit even harder, there’s a lot to learn about love and that sometimes second chances are worth it.
You made him work like hell, but he was doing pretty well. He had different plans each day you guys hung out. He was attentive. He was gentle, he even told you about what he and his therapist talked about after each session.
In reality, you could tell he was doing better. You still had some reservations and there was still a long way to go but ultimately he was making a true effort. You could see the change he was making. Granted, it was a change that should have happened a long time ago but things happen the way they’re supposed to and when they’re supposed to.
That sentiment itself was a hard pill to swallow.
Today he took you on a picnic in the park, packed your favorite foods and drinks. He was really laying it on thick, others might find it cringe but it was making your heart flutter.
“I never did thank you, for telling them the truth,” popping a grape in your mouth, “I know it wasn’t easy,”
“It needed to happen. I knew better and I shouldn’t have lied to them but most importantly, I shouldn’t have lied on you. I was a coward and that’s not who I want to be to you… or Noey,”
A pleasant hum emitted from your chest, brows raising at the nickname that left his mouth.
“That one seemed to stick, huh?,”
“Noey is different… and it’s super close to Noah,”
“Noelle is already close to Noah!,” you bicker, both of you in high spirits while you go back and forth
“Noah has four letters and so does Noey,”
“Oh you’re such a kiss ass!,” you push him and he falls over dramatically.
“Help! Someone help!,” he shouted, feigning like he was injured
“Oh my God, Noah, stop! Someone is gonna think you’re serious!,” you reach over him to cover his mouth but he licks it and you squeal
“EEUUUGHHH!! You’re so gross!!,” you yank your hand back, he’s laughing like a hyena. Eyes wrinkling, hand in his chest and head thrown back.
“You used to do that to me all the time!” Justifying his action, you stick your tongue out at him while wiping your wet palm on his cheek
“Which means you can’t steal my move!,”
It was tense the first couple of meet ups and each one gets you closer to bringing Noelle around. These past couple of times had broken the ice and it started to feel like time hadn’t passed.
“Hey uhm, are you?- do you still live at the house?”
Noah settles down, feeling the energy shift to something a little more serious.
“Yeah. Didn’t have the guts to move. Why?,”
You twist grapeless vine in your hands, afraid to say the words now that you’re feeling comfortable to bring it up. It’s about 2 months of this and Noelle is a little over 6 months now.
“I’d like to bring Noelle by,”
Noah struggled for air, coughing up his drink and you can’t help but snicker at the liquid dripping off his chin.
“What?,” his eyes are as big as saucers
“Unless you’re not ready. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed,”
“No! No, I.. Y/N you have no idea how much I would love that,”
If you weren’t mistaken, you swear you see tears welling in his eyes
“I’d love to meet my daughter,”
This was a big step for you and an even bigger one for Noah. Both of you were scared beyond your wits.
“I’d like for it to just be us and then we can work up to getting the guys to meet her? And then you can meet Ms. Ernie, Reid and his husband, Morgan,”
You had to make sure to set some ground rules, Noah responded without any issues knowing that at the end of the day- you call the shots and he has to abide by them if he wants this to work. Yet despite feeling good about all of this, there’s still a smidge of uncertainty.
“What’s on your mind?,” even after all the time spent apart, reading you was like muscle memory.
“I still feel resentful,” you look to him to see his shoulders sagging, “I know you’re tired of it,”
“I don’t expect you to get over any of this anytime soon. In a way, you’re grieving and I can’t police how long you mourn. I can only help ease it,”
You didn’t really think of what you were going through as mourning but you guess you can see the similarities. What you two had was long gone and even in the face of starting over, albeit with the same person, you were still allowed to miss how things were and feel a bit out of sorts about what happened.
“It’s just,” you watch his hands as he picks at his palms, a nervous tick he’s always had. You’re once again feeling a sort of guilt making him feel like this but it’s a price he has to pay, right? You didn’t ask to be hurt to begin with.
“Resentment is so weird. I want to forgive you, Noah. So fucking bad I want to forgive you because I can’t keep doing this with you, I wish I could forget so I could just… hug you, kiss you, hold your hand like we used to,”
“You set the pace, Y/N. I told you no matter what, I respect it. I wish I could take it all back. God, I wish there was a way for me to go back so I didn’t fuck up and hurt you,”
“And my mind is struggling to comprehend why the fuck you would do that to me,” anger bleeds into your tone.
Noah is seen blubbering like a fish out of water as he tries to find his words. You can see the cogs turning in his mind, recalling the very night he ruined what you two had.
“There’s no explanation,” he declared, there was nothing good enough to excuse why he did what he did.
“No excuse, no reasoning that will ever be good enough for what I said to you. For how I treated you. It was unacceptable and there are no words to describe how apologetic I am. All I can say is, is that I’m so thankful you’re here, even giving me this chance,”
“You were all I could think about,” turning your body to him, he needed to know the turmoil you endured, “You hadn’t touched me in almost 3 months by the night I left. I was so consumed with the stress I didn’t realize I missed my period. I went to the doctor and that’s when I heard our little girl’s heartbeat,”
It didn’t get past him that you finally said our daughter and not just “my”. At this point, he has turned to look at you, listening closely, making sure you knew he was paying attention.
“I moved to the countryside and that’s where I met Ms. Ernie and Reid. They were my people while I was managing heartbreak. Keeping myself physically and mentally healthy so I could bring Noelle into this world. You… you should have been there Noah, you could’ve been there,”
“I know,” he blinks, tears falling down his cheeks just like yours were, “I missed out on so much because I couldn’t get my own shit together,”
“I took that pain and restructured it to fuel me so I could be the best parent I could be. I never thought I’d be sitting here in front of you. I never expected to see you again. Ever. But despite all the alarm bells, I am so fucking glad I am because I missed you, Noah. But I hate you so much at the same time,”
His face fashioned that of anguish at your last few words. It was hurting him but he didn’t look away from you, he didn’t hide his eyes, he’s now feeling what you felt that night and then some.
The anxiety. The fear, the fucking aching that burned from his gut all the way up into his throat. The pounding in his head, the heat that blanketed his skin. He can’t believe he did this to you. He can’t believe he sat across from you at the table that night, watching you fall apart and still said what he said.
“I don’t know how you expect us to rebuild anything,” your voice flows into his ears and he can feel his chest tightening, finding it harder to keep his breathing at a normal pace.
“Hell, I don’t even know how I expect us to rebuild anything but I’m going to try because that’s what you should have done!,”
“I-I know. Fuck, I.. I’m aware,” taking a deep breath to try to swallow his cries.
“I’m going to do what you couldn’t do,” a wild fire burns behind your eyes and he realizes this is a new you. The soft spoken Y/N is still there but this version of you takes no shit. You have a daughter now, you had to build tough skin
“I’m going to prove to you that fighting for what you want isn’t a lost fucking cause. I’m going to show you that no matter what is going on in your head, no matter what the voices are telling you- that I am here and I will be here until we are dust returned to the universe, Noah,”
You hated to see the way he dug his fingernails into his palms and you wanted nothing more than to grab his hands to massage the tension and cramps away.
“I know this is eating at you,” you whisper, “For the longest time I wanted it to. But not anymore,”
A great tremor overtook him, flexing his jaw to ease the ache from clenching it so hard. He had to break eye contact just this once to look up at the sky to will the tears away.
“Just take a page out of my book and take what you’re feeling to change and be better. No more apologies. Don’t be sorry, be better,”
“You sure you got everything?,” Reid packed your diaper bag into the front while you buckled Noelle into her carseat.
“Yeah I got my cooler for the bricks. My pump, extra clothes, extra wipes-,” you continue to list other items and at this point you’re not listing them to Reid, you’re listing them because you’re scared.
“You got this,” Ms. Ernie kisses your cheek and you look at her with worry, “Don’t look at me like that. You both are going to be okay. He’s been groveling for weeks on end, he’s been respectful, if you want to back out I’m sure he’d understand?,”
“No! No. I think I’m ready. She’s already 6 months old now, he deserves this much,” It’s crazy to think that you’ve been at this with Noah for about a few months now.
You’re wrapped in an embrace of them both, Reid whispering words of reassurance as he pulls away, helping you settle in the car.
“Let us know when you get there, okay?,” Ms. Ernie waves from her front step.
You assure her that you’ll do just that. A lively wave is sent their way as you pull out of the driveway to make it to a house that you once called home, a house that could have been a home for Noelle.
You didn’t need a GPS, you’d never forget the way there even if you tried. You could drive there blindfolded. The drive really wasn’t that long and a part of you wishes it was because when you pull up your stomach is full of butterflies.
He’s probably nervous too. Don’t stress about it. As if he was waiting by the door, he’s out on the porch, wiping his hands on a paper towel when you exit your vehicle.
“Need help with anything?,” a nervous smirk across his face, he looks like he’s going to throw up at any second.
“Wanna grab the diaper bag and cooler?,”
He didn’t give a verbal answer. He was already down the steps and to your car before you finished asking. You grabbed Noelle’s carrier and waited for him to get the other items. Seeing him with the lavender diaper bag on his shoulder stirred a feeling inside of you. He looked like a dad, he looked good. A yearn made itself present in your body, you just wanted to be a family.
“Follow me,”
You could tell he was excited, excited but tense. He didn’t want to fuck this up.
Once you’re settled in the house, he heads upstairs, mumbling that he’ll be right back. When taking your jacket off to hang it on the second hook on the back of the door, you realize the hook still has your name on it. He never took it off, this was your hook, everyone knew not to hang their things on it. And beside yours, you see one for Noelle. Noah, Y/N and Noelle. Your fingers brush against the names and a smile creeps on your face.
“I know she probably already has one but I figured it would be nice if she had one here. She’ll probably end up falling asleep depending on how long you stay,”
You turn around to see a lavender playpen with her name on the side.
“In a lot of the videos and pictures you showed me, she’s wearing lavender so..,”
“Noah,” you coo, stepping over to him, “That’s so sweet,”
You turn to Noelle in her carrier and unbuckle her, “If you wanna go wash your hands, you can hold her,”
“Yeah?,” his eyes lit up like a little kid on Christmas. He didn’t even wait for you to answer before he’s jogging into the kitchen to scrub his hands clean. About a good minute later he’s rushing back in but he seems hesitant.
“Don’t worry,” you assure him, “I show her pictures just like I show you pictures. She knows you. She won’t really be fussy”
You cradle her while handing her over to him.
“She likes to be held like this, just support her neck,”
Noah takes her from you softly, his large hands make her seem so small, even at six months. He stares at her in awe and sits down gently. Noelle babbles at him, waving her hands and smiling.
“Hiii, baby girl,”
You can hear the tears as he speaks to her and you take a seat beside him, not bothered by how close you were.
“I’m your papa,” he chokes on his words, caressing her cheek with the back of his finger, “You’re so beautiful just like your mama,”
There weren’t many words said as Noah soaked in this moment with you watching. His breath is silently hitching from his tears but he only cries harder when Noelle reaches out and touches his cheek, seemingly wiping a tear away.
Noah sits back on the sofa, setting his feet flat on the cushion so he could lay Noelle on his thighs so that she was sitting up.
“You’re so sweet,” he kisses her hand, causing her to squeal and giggle. He looks to you with wide eyes and a bright smile
“You were right!,”
“I told you!!,” you lean closer and watch the way Noelle is taking in the moment as well. She stares at Noah with a look of bewilderment, she’s never been around him physically yet relaxes into him like she’s known him since day one. She knows that’s her papa.
“Thank you,” he says simply, “I’m far from deserving but thank you so much, Y/N,”
“You deserve to be a dad, Noah. And she deserves one,”
“I won’t fuck this up,”
“You better not,” you poke his cheek, “Because she needs you… we both do,”
You let Noah record videos of him and her, letting him make up for lost time. He carefully danced around the living room with her while playing happy baby songs.
“I heard songs like this make them happy!,” he insisted. Each time she squealed he hugged her tighter, absolutely adoring the sound of his baby laughing with him. You couldn’t help but record some videos of your own, wanting to look back at this moment.
The foundation still needed some work but what is life without the effort? What’s love without effort? He said he wouldn’t screw it up this time and you’re holding him to his word.
“She’s down for bed,” Noah comes down the stairs, heading to the kitchen to return with two mugs
“She’s never fallen asleep that fast,” taking a mug from him, you smell your favorite tea in the way he used to make it.
“Does she wake you up throughout the night? I can be on baby duty so you can rest. U-unless you planned on going home tonight. I can drive you home, I don’t want you driving while you’re tired,” he offered.
“Can we stay?,” circling the rim of your cup, finding the heat from your tea comforting.
“You two always have a place here,” he sets the baby monitor on the table and takes a sip of his coffee. He was always a late night coffee drinker, at least it was decaf, he just liked the taste.
There was a comfortable lull that fell over you two and sitting on this very couch in this living room felt like home, like you belonged here. You made a home out of the cabin in the countryside but *this… this is where you felt like you were meant to be. Drinking your warm beverages on the couch while your child slept, simply enjoying each other’s company.
Noah randomly stands up and turns the tv on. He’s getting a game console, plugging it up and connecting the remotes. You’re watching in confusion while he does this all as if he’s on a mission.
Once he gets everything connected he pulls out a game case.
Michael Jackson: The Experience
“Nooaaaaaah,” you say suspiciously, “What are you doing?,” setting your cup on the side table, you watch with a questioning frown when he moves the coffee table
“Stand up,” insisting with a wide grin, he takes your hand despite your wariness
“What are we doing, Sebastian?”
“We’re putting all those nights practicing with the music videos to use. I scored these at a yard sale and figured we could dance to some good ole Michael like we used to,”
He hands you a Wii remote and the butterflies erupt again, spotting the same broken lampshade that he still hasn’t gotten rid of.
“You think you still got it?,” you tease, wrapping the band around your wrist.
He scoffs loudly, rolling his eyes, “You wish I never lost it,”
“Put your money where your mouth is,”
He side eyes you with a little smirk, choosing the song he wanted to dance to. You expected Thriller, hell maybe even Ghosts. But he surprised you when he chose Do You Remember the Time
“If I win. I get to take you out on a romantic date,” he sighs triumphantly, he knows since you two started to rebuild something new, you didn’t want to get too romantic just yet.
“Okay,” you nod confidently, much to his surprise, “But if I win… you’re on baby duty for a night. That means getting up to feed her, change her diaper, cuddle-,”
“All I’m seeing is a win-win situation here,” turning back to the screen he hits play, “Bring your A game. I’ve been practicing for this very moment,”
He says it as if he’s joking but he was serious. This was a song you two spent many nights listening to, belting it at the top of your lungs during late night drives, to dancing in the kitchen to it after date night.
This little gesture may seem like just a night of dancing to a game to you but it was much more to him. So when the gold room appeared on the screen after picking your characters, he became timorous.
The beat begins and you feel a little silly following the movements at first. You hadn’t danced with Noah in ages but he probably feels just as goofy. You notice him missing a few beats and peak to see him adoring you, the way your nose crinkles when you smile, the way your eyes move across the screen, trying to focus.
“You’re not gonna win if you keep staring at me, Sebastian!,”
“Fuck!,”
~Do you remember when we fell in love? We were young and innocent then~
You trip over your feet as the dance begins to incorporate footwork, glaring at Noah when you hear him laughing at you.
~Do you remember, back in the fall? We’d be together all day long~
You bend your knees and shimmy your feet along the carpet while Noah stands tall and moves in the opposite direction over you. Feeling him this close, despite just playing a game, had your heart palpitating.
You never thought you’d have nights like this again. With anyone, let alone Noah.
You hear Noah singing to himself while he follows the dance moves to a T, seeing his score get higher than yours had you ready to wreck his streak.
“Do you remember the time when weeee first met, girl?” He sang obnoxiously while looking at you, purposely singing off key. You snicker at his expressions, missing a move but you can’t bring yourself to care.
Noah seemed so carefree and comfortable in this moment that it started to overshadow what had once hurt you, somewhat putting it on the back burner.
~Those sweet memories, will always be dear to me~
You and Noah are now face to face, chest to chest, you two seemed to forget the game. Both of you breathing heavily from laughing and going all out on the dance moves.
“You’re gonna lose,” you pipe up, turning around to focus back on the game. You knew that if you stood there any longer you’d have kissed him.
Noah seemed to snap out of his daze, immediately hopping back into where he was. You have to squat in front of him for the next move and it seems to last forever, feeling the burn like you’re in the gym.
“Oh my God!,” groaning in relief when you’re finally able to move from your position but the relief doesn’t last long when you’re made to go back, moving your arms up and feeling his hands touch yours.
It sounds dramatic but you swear you feel a little tingle when he touches you. Maybe it was static or maybe it was the fact you missed his touch. A sensation that you felt so safe in, so comfortable and loved.
You two slide away from each other, swinging your arms back and forth. You’re still following the screen but Noah decides to freestyle. Falling to his knees to sing the song to you, you’d worry about waking Noelle up but she was a deep sleeper.
“Do you remember girl?,” he holds his fists up, singing passionately, “On the phone! You and me!! Till dawn, 2 or 3. What about us, GIRL!!,”
You can’t help but throw your head back in entertainment at his dramatics. He was a performer for sure.
“Do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya- in the park, on the beach! You and me, in Spain! What about, what about- rrrap tap tap, rrrap tap tap!,”
His ad libs bounce off the walls and you’re losing it.
“You look insane!,” you say over his off-key singing.
He continues to sing despite your judgment, standing up and grabbing you by the shoulders, shaking you playfully
“Yeah! Yeah! Wooo!!,”
The game is now complete and you fall back on the couch to catch your breath.
“I freestyled and I STILL won!,” he claps and points at you, “Pick out your prettiest dress, doll face because we’re going on a DATE!,”
He stands in front of you, hands on his hips in victory and all you can do is cherish the view.
“Come here,” you stand before him, hearing your heart pound in your ears as he steps forward until his chest is level with your eyes, his famous chain glinting in the light on the room.
“What’s up?,” the confidence he just displayed was now replaced with diffidence.
“You better not hurt me again,” it was strange being this close to him, “If you hurt me you’ll not only lose me but Sunshine as well and I don’t want that for her. So if this is going to happen- you talk to me when your insecurities set in. You talk to me before you self sabotage. You talk to me no matter what so that you continue to show up for our little girl. Do you understand me?,”
Noah nods his head so quickly that you think it just might fall off and roll away.
“I understand. I won’t make the same mistake twice. I love you and I love our baby. I was a fool to fuck up the first time. I won’t be that again,”
“Good,” you nod, stepping away before patting his cheek with a sly grin.
“Because you’re on baby duty tonight,”
His jaw drops at your antics, he doesn’t mind really. He’s starting to feel like an actual father now.
“But I won!!,”
You wake up abruptly to Noelle screeching, a type of cry you’ve never heard before and you turn to see Noah’s spot empty. Scrambling to get out of bed, you rush downstairs to see him panicking, tears in his eyes and red in the face
“I’m sorry,” he muttered to her, frantically trying to calm her
“What happened??,” you kept your composure, not wanting to stress him out anymore than he already is. He hands you Noelle and he pulls at his roots, absolutely distraught and upset with himself.
“She was hungry and I… I heated up her milk for too long. Fuck, Y/N I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-,”
“Noah,” a soft hand on his chest, “It happens. She’s okay,”
“I made her cry,”
“She’s okay,” you reassure, “See,” you wipe her tears and she’s just left whimpering now.
You take his hand to sit him down at the table and give Noelle back to him despite his fear
“Don’t tense up. She’ll feel it and become fussy. Relax,”
He took heed to your words, relaxing so that Noelle could follow suit.
“I should have put a brick in the fridge to thaw,” you mention, “I usually do if I know I’ll be too tired to breastfeed but I was exhausted so it slipped my mind. A brick will usually thaw in the fridge overnight and when it’s time, just set it in a cup of warm water for a few minutes and you’ll be good to go,”
You take her bottle and run it under some cool water, testing it on your wrist, deeming it cool yet warm enough for her to drink. You sit beside Noah and hand him the bottle.
“Here, you’re all set. 45 degree angle while she drinks,” you instruct. He follows your words and Noelle hums around the bottle, cuddling into Noah’s shirtless chest, “She likes skin to skin contact while feeding. Now she’ll really know you’re her papa,”
You realize this is the same table he broke your heart at, tracing the pattern of the mahogany wood. You wouldn’t let that night haunt you anymore. Here’s to new memories. Now, this table will be remembered as the table that he fed your daughter for the first time, a learning experience for him.
“I’m so sorry for hurting you, honey,” he whispered to her, kissing her forehead while her eyes fluttered sleepily, “I’m still learning but it won’t happen again,”
You know his words were directed to you as well, finding solace in the reassurance.
Once you teach him to burp her, the three of you make your way upstairs and back to bed.
“You can put her in the crib,” climbing into the bed that was once yours to claim. He took the time to build her crib and didn’t even wanna put her in it.
“I will once I’m ready to sleep, I just want to spend time with her is all,”
Despite the infant sleeping, he wasn’t ready to put her down. His hair was thrown all over his head, his eyes here heavy but he was willing to fight sleep just to hold her in his arms for as long as he could.
“I missed out on enough, I just wanna hold her,”
“Okay,” you nod, sitting up and scooting closer to rest your head on his shoulder, “Sing, you are my sunshine, to her. It’s her favorite song and I think she would like to hear it from you,”
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” he begins with ease, “You make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away,”
“You are my star shine,” you add in, “My only star shine,”
You reach over to hold her small hand, resting your hand on his chest,
“I love you so much, each night and day,”
Noah leans his head on yours, finding comfort in the words you sing.
“You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my star shine away,”
You look up to Noah, refusing to move your head off his shoulder so he rears back to look at you, your face being illuminated by the little nightlight you had plugged in for Noelle.
“You are my love shine, my only love shine,” he sings lowly, surprising you that he even knows the third verse of the nursery rhyme, “I miss you so much when you’re away,”
The smile that appeared on your face was one he’ll never forget, especially when you begin to harmonize with him quietly, watching the way Noelle snuggles into his chest as if she can’t get close enough to him.
“You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you,” you two sing together, curling into him even more when he plants a kiss on the crown of your head.
“Please don’t take my love shine awaaaay,”
Days had passed since that night. You and Noah alternate every couple of nights of whose place to stay at. He finally got the pleasure of meeting Ms. Ernie and Reid officially, offering his gratitude to the people who kept you and Noelle safe when he fell short. Despite his own shortcomings, they welcomed him with open arms.
Reid currently had Noelle in the living room, both of them watching some cartoon movie while Ms. Ernie helped you with your hair, preparing for the night Noah had planned for you.
“Do I look like I’m trying too hard?,” you turn to her, concern painted all over your face.
“You look like a beautiful youngin who is about to steal the heart of the love of their life,”
“You flatter me,”
“Well it’s true,” she boops your nose and tucks your hair behind your ear, “You’re going to have fun!,”
Noah wouldn’t exactly tell you what he had planned. He just said to dress in something comfortable and cute, so you stepped out of your comfort zone, going with a light floral dress, styling your hair to your comfort and a light face of makeup.
When you heard the doorbell to your cabin go off, your stomach sank.
“Oh goodness!!,” turning to the smiling woman above you, “He’s here!! He’s 10 minutes early!,”
A light rumble comes from her, shaking her head and standing you up, “You would have still freaked out even if he showed up on time. Head up there!,”
You didn’t have time to respond due to the doorbell ringing again. A nervous Noah stood on the other side, worried that maybe you changed your mind. When the door swung open, both of you were speechless.
You stood there, radiant as ever with Noelle in your arms. A nervous grin framed your teeth and Noah watched as you rubbed Noelle’s back, not for her comfort but for yours. You were antsy. Just as beautiful as the first day he met you when he knocked your bus token out of your hand.
Noah stood there in a plain, white shirt tucked into a pair of sleek black joggers. You noticed he cut his hair, cutting the sides short and keeping the top longer. He recreated the outfit he wore when you two first bumped into each other.
“Hi,” your throat tight around the simple word.
“H-hi,” he had a hand behind his back and stuck the other out, “Nice to meet you, my name is Noah,”
You frown at his words until you realize this is a reintroduction.
“Hi, Noah. My name is Y/N and it’s wonderful to meet you,”
Both of you are similar to giddy teenagers falling in love for the first time. He handed you a bouquet of your favorite flowers and you were quick to gasp. You loved flowers, you loved it even more when he gifted them to you.
Inviting him in, Noelle was quick to reach for him and he spun her around while you retrieved the glass milk bottle you received from Ms. Ernie to use as a vase.
“Looking gooooood!,” the elderly woman entered the room and pinched Noah’s cheek lightly.
“I can clean up nice!,”
Reid entered the space and gave his compliments to the both of you and caught sight of the flowers, nudging Noah.
“Nice choice,” he whispered.
Once both of you give Noelle a ton of kisses, Noah takes your hand and guides you out to the car so you all could get your evening started.
“You gonna tell me what you have planned yet?,” hounding him as he begins to drive.
“Dinner,” he answers, a smirk on his face to tell you that it wasn’t just dinner.
“Why so cryptic?” you poke him
“Relaaaaax,” he reaches over to grab your hand and squeeze. The two of you missing this simple gesture, feeling safe like this, like all will be okay, it will- but you’ll never get tired of the warm feeling of security.
Noah took you out to your favorite restaurant, a nice night of expensive wine and taking bites of the other’s food. A bunch of blushing, a bunch of butterflies, laughter and unspoken I love yous.
Now you find yourself with your hand in his, strolling downtown, him insisting that the night isn’t over. When you stop walking, you peer up to him and see an uncertain smirk on his face. Looking up to the sign on the building, you see what he had planned.
“Kiln of Sunshine,” you read aloud, “Couple’s pottery?”
All he does is laugh at your surprise and leads you inside. There aren’t many couples but it’s a nice intimate place. Dim lights strung up on the ceiling, custom printed aprons with your names on it, which he helps you put on and tie.
When you’re directed to your designated spots, he sits behind you while you sit in front of the wheel.
“Welcome to the Kiln of Sunshine! We are a couple of potters who met through our love of art,” a young woman stands in front of the class, it’s hard to listen when Noah is so close like this. He still makes you so damn nervous.
“We created this abode to help other couples not only find a new hobby, but also grow together by means of communication and teamwork through making art!” The woman’s husband added with excitement.
You look over your shoulder to see Noah already looking at you
“You look so beautiful,” he whispers. You have to tuck your chin into your shoulder to hide the fact your face was burning up at his compliment.
The couple teaching gives you all step by step instructions to begin and then it’s just you and Noah left to your own devices. They gave you the guidelines but now it’s up to you and Noah to decide what you two create.
Much like a relationship.
“Here, let’s try this,” Noah’s large, clay covered hands form to yours, his chin resting on your shoulder, “Pinch here,”
“Maybe we should coil instead,” suggesting lightly.
“Okay, yeah,” he nods, taking in your point of view, “I think it’ll turn out better that way,”
Noah hands you the wet sponge, watching the way your tongue sticks out from your lips as you concentrate.
“I brought us here because I came to a lot of conclusions during our time apart,” his body frames yours like a puzzle piece, after a while, instead of you taking the lead, you let his hands guide yours now.
“Yeah?,”
“Pottery teaches us a lot about accepting faults- appreciating the imperfections and flaws that can turn into something beautiful,” he moves your hands to pinch the clay in certain spots and watch your piece come to life.
“Furthermore, we have patience and persistence- pottery, like relationships, demands patience at every turn. To keep going in the face of difficulties, even if you don’t see the results right away. It takes time to mold something beautiful”
Noah kept going and you’d be lying if his words weren’t tear jerking. While you two were rekindling, you had some introspective moments of your own. Realizing that there are some things you could have done differently yourself. Especially since finding out about the mental battles he was facing during the last few months of your relationship, which caused him to break it off.
You were so caught up in your own mind that you didn’t realize Noah’s actions were due to the fact that it wasn’t Noah- he pulled back from you because he was trying to figure his own labyrinthine mind out, that’s why he kept asking for time, he just felt ashamed to say it out loud.
Both of you got time, even if it wasn’t in the most ideal form.
“I’m still learning and growing and I know I have a long way to go for you to fully trust me because of those faults, but I’m patient and I’m not going anywhere,”
You felt him kiss your shoulder, causing goosebumps to flourish on your skin.
“Well… maybe we won’t need the water bowl to wet the sponge anymore since you’ve got me crying over here!,”
The laughter that erupts from the two of you is boisterous, providing comedic relief in the midst of him expressing his emotions.
“You two are doing great over here!!,” the instructor complimented the piece the two of you were crafting.
You felt the swell of pride in your chest because whether she was talking about your pottery piece or not, you and Noah are doing great.
The night progressed beautifully. You had to leave your piece at the place overnight so it could get fired and glazed before you took it home to decorate yourselves. So, Noah took you on a stroll, your hand in his, taking in the view of the pretty lights set up downtown. Finding yourselves in front of the big fountain in the center, you stick your hand out to him
“C’mon, big money. Hand over a quarter,”
He quickly digs in his pocket and hands you a shiny coin in which you hold up to your mouth, whispering to it before throwing it in the fountain. The light plopping sound it made was satisfying to you.
“What did you wish for?,”
You notice him taking his shoes and socks off, rolling up his pant legs and you feel suspicion rising in your belly.
“That would beat the purpose of a wish!,”
“Take your shoes off,”
“No! I know what you’re about to do and I spent too much time on my hair and make up!,”
Noah sat you down on the edge of the fountain, removing your shoes for you
“You know that you don’t need your makeup and hair all done up for me to find you absolutely breathtaking… right?,”
He gives you no time to reply before he’s standing you up and bringing you into the fountain, twirling you around under the raining streams.
“Noah we’re gonna get in trouble!!,” squealing in his arms, trying to get out of them. He sets you down but before you can scold him, his wet hands are framing your face to pull you in for the long awaited kiss that he’s been wanting to give you since the day you left.
You felt like you were in a movie. The hopeless romantic that lived within you was thriving. You were stuck in your spot for a second, realizing that since starting over, this is your first kiss and he made it so damn romantic. Pulling him in by his shirt, your lips follow his, flowing with the same desire and unspoken words.
I’m sorry.
I forgive you.
We’re going to be okay.
I don’t hate you
I love you.
I always will.
Damning your own instinctive need to breathe, you pull away from him, pressing your fingertips to your lips, still completely shocked by it all.
“I’m sorry I just… I couldn’t fight it anymore,” he looked so ethereal, wet hair sticking to his face, droplets on his cheeks and big, brown eyes staring back at you with blown pupils.
“Until the day we are returned to dust to the universe, I will love you and cherish you. I will be what I should have always been. And even then… even after we are just dust- I will find you in another timeline and continue to be that and more”
Life is a beautiful thing now. It was no longer grey and neither of you felt like you were just getting by, you were finally living.
You didn’t want to give up your cabin, so despite all the memories the house back in the city had, you two decided to make more memories out here.
Your house was full now, filled with friends you missed dearly, all of them soaking up time with Noelle, getting used to being uncles.
“Nuh uh!,” Noah shouts, “Folio, wash your hands before holding her,”
“What the hell! I just did!!,” he defended, arms halfway out, ready to reach for his niece.
“Not long enough! Sing happy birthday twice if you have to- and don’t swear around my daughter!,”
Noah fit the dad role real well. He was proud to be the father of your child. He doted on Noelle, always took pictures with her, sang to her (a lot better than you ever did) and though Noah had a love for the city, he loved being out here with you two, taking her on daily walks around the countryside while you tended to the chickens and garden.
You thought he’d put up a bigger fight due to his career but- things were simple out here and being out here made him feel normal and domestic. This is what life was always supposed to feel like and it’s what the two of you had always envisioned.
“Everyone get ready, dinner’s almost finished!,” Ms. Ernie hollered. She loved the guys, it didn't take long for her to warm up to people and just like she took you under her wing, she did the same for them. She even listens to their music now, she says Hedonist is her favorite.
Folio doesn’t care to make his plate now that he has Noelle, making her squeal and laugh at his silly faces.
Matt bumps you as he moves past you to get a drink out of your fridge, “I told you he wouldn’t take her from you,”
“You only get one ‘I told you so’ in our friendship and you used it well. Thanks, Matty,”
During the time you and Noah were reconnecting, you had to rebuild your friendships with the guys as well. You and Matt now have your farmer’s market dates back. You, Jolly, Davis and Folio have your bowling on Thursday nights while you and Bryan go to the movies every Tuesday because they’re half off. And Nicholas- the one who truly is like a brother, both of you had your chess game that you abandoned but he kept the board set in hopes that one day you’ll come back.
He taught you how to play ages ago and when you finally got the hang of it, you two matched all the time, some matches going for days, this match being the longest ever due to a hiatus.
He had the board with him, setting it up on the counter, both of you moving your pieces throughout the day.
“I know how to beat you,” staring at the board, he comes to stand beside you.
“Yeah?,” grinning as if he wasn’t about to lose.
“You have nowhere to go, Nicky,” you pick your Queen up, moving her to h5, threatening his f7. You watch him frown at your movements and you have to hide the smirk on your face. If you win, you’ll no longer be tied.
You move your Queen to take his f7 and you check his king.
“No!,”
“Checkmate!,” clapping in victory, you jump up and down, “I still got it!!,”
“You got lucky!,”
Despite him losing, he was always a good sport. He did teach you after all.
After dinner, Reid provided dessert, topped with a delicious honey glaze he made from his bees. Matt started a fire pit outside which left only you, Noah and Noelle in the kitchen as you two arranged to put her down for bed. He had her wrapped up against his chest while you prepared his coffee and your tea.
Noelle cooed against his chest, eyes fluttering and trying to fight sleep.
“I love you,” he searched your face, feeling blessed that he can say the words to you again. Your eyes sparkle in the warm light of the kitchen, feeling blessed to hear those words once again. You’ll never get tired of hearing it, especially because it’s all different now. It’s healthier, happier.
“And I love you,” of course you do- it was muscle memory.
After lightly clinking your mugs together, your eyes catch sight of the fruit bowl you and Noah made in your pottery class. Your painted hand print on one side, his on the other and Noelle’s in the middle with 4 simple words written across it.
You are my Sunshine.
Stepping closer to him, his arm wrapped around your shoulder, the two of you stood in silence just enjoying each other’s presence. Finding joy in the laughter of your loved ones outside.
All is well and always will be. Ms. Ernie was right. Sometimes second chances are worth it.
“Thanks for adding to the sunshine instead of taking it away,”
Noah could hear the relief in your voice that things turned out for the better. He’d never give this up. Home isn’t a place, home is this moment right here and every moment after.
“Until we are dust returned to the universe.”
First and foremost i wanted to thank everyone for their patience while i worked on this!! this story means so much to me and i am grateful for the love i received on part one and hope you all enjoy this part even if it’s a little long!!!
Please be sure to reblog and comment as it helps us writers out a lot!!!
much love!
~Berry 🫐
tags: @dravenskye @babs-96 @tech-depression-inventory @magnificentstrawberryomen @mrscevans @tinyfairies @mxddymay @themorticians-world @rainy-darling @lma1986 @darknightstarryeyes @thisbicc @lilhobgobbler @lovethe-void @cind6547 @flowery-mess @widowsofchaos @abiomens @amelia-acero @collapsedglasshouses @poppy-in-the-woods @rostoken @dkxxm @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @fadingintothegrey @blairboo
The way I have been thinking of writing something like this!!
Try not to think about being casual friends with Noah but living in a different state/country. So when things start getting a little flirty between the two of you, he send you a plane ticket confirmation with the text “I’m taking you out on a date”.
Oh love when the “I can fix him” trope doesn’t necessarily work, but there’s still a slight chance! 😍😍
Homegirl come on we can’t be folding that easy!!!
Thou Shalt Not Kill - Chapter 9
AU Noah Sebastian x female reader
18+
Summary: Reader is a detective and is assigned to a murder case which she soon connects with previous killings and figures out the religious affiliation, proving there is a new serial killer within the city. Reader soon becomes obsessed with the killers mind and methods and won’t rest until she figures out who the killer is. All while she gets used to working with her new partner on the case, detective Noah Davis.
Warnings: talks of death, talks of murder/killings, use of religion, the starting of stockholm syndrome
Right, I really shouldn’t have to write this but I’m giving fair warning now!!
In this chapter we once again MENTION the passing of someone close to Noah (this AU version of Noah!) it’s been briefly used before and no one had any issues with it.
However I am aware of a lot of drama with another account who has used the death of someone who was close to Noah within their story. I’m going to clarify that I have not read this story, I do not intend to read that story and I have no interaction with this person anymore so I really don’t know the details or how much this trauma has been used but from what I’ve seen/heard, it caused a huge uproar.
My dad passed away 10 years ago, I fully understand the soul destroying pain and would never use something so carelessly! But it’s a huge detail that needs to be here. I can assure everyone that it shouldn’t be mentioned again (unless necessary!) and I hope it doesn’t cause any offence, I’m not going into details in this chapter at all, simply mentioning it to help the story progress.
I hope everyone can understand this and I really don’t want any negative comments, an adult discussion is fine if you really need to talk but not these petty trolls that I’ve been seeing please and no passive aggressive posts, they are childish, just message me if you have an issue
Thank you and I hope you enjoy!!
Tags: @Ima1986 @hayleylatour @reyadawn @thatchickwiththecamera @calleyx13 @english-fucker @darling-millicent-aubrey @malerieee @ithoughtbynowidfeelbetter @softvgold @lilhobgobbler @glccmreid @badomensls @madomens @loeytuan98 @iluvmewwwww75 @rosebushjhj @livingdeceasedgirl @lilrubles @samanthasgone @blackveilomens @hellayeahsworld @lookwhatitcost @doomhands-jr @nojoyontheburn @poisongirl616 @bakanerd @sacredthefran @flowery-mess
MASTERLIST
Chapter Index
9 days had gone by, just over a week you’d been stuck in this basement.
It was the same routine most days, Noah would bring you food or make sure a sandwich and drinks were left for you if he knew he wouldn’t be around, you assumed he was still going to work. Noah had mentioned it once that he was keeping up appearances but for how long was anyone’s guess.
Of course your work believed that you were ‘on leave’ so why would they be looking for you? You would have assumed someone would have tried to get hold of you by now but you were sure Noah has probably taken care of that, he was too smart to make any small mistakes and he kept any conversations like that to a minimum.
Noah had taken the time to bring a load of your clothes and toiletries from your apartment, clearly knowing you’d be here awhile. The days were very long at first, you had nothing to simulate your mind, you actually started looking forward to Noah coming in just so you had someone to talk too.
The times when Noah was here, he sat and ate with you normally, acting like you really were just two friends having a catch up, it was almost unnerving how normal it was.
The first few days you’d spent screaming out but no one heard or came, clearly he wasn’t lying about it being soundproofed. You’d analysed the room a thousand times, trying to figure a way out. The window was far too high for you to reach and even if you could, it was too small for you to fit through.
You’d tried to think of ways to over power Noah when he came in but thinking of all the cases and how strong he must truly be to have executed them, you knew that would be suicide.
Once you’d realised that all chances of an escape were slim, you started to accept your fate, you were completely at Noah’s mercy.
In a strange way, you almost relaxed after that, what was the point in stressing out about something you couldn’t change at this stage, you decided it was better to save your energy and strength for when you needed it, you were sure that an opportunity would present itself when the time was right.
The days had become very long after this however, you had counted every crack in the ceiling, tried to get lost in day dreams in your mind but that only worked for so long.
So now seeing Noah was a breath of fresh air within your day.
Noah had been nothing but the perfect gentleman, he made sure you had all the food and drinks needed, he even brought down fresh bedding for you and took away your dirty clothes to bring them back all clean and folded. He made sure you had clean towels for the shower room that was down here. It was almost like he took pride in looking after you.
“He’s holding you hostage you idiot! This ain’t a holiday hotel!”
Noah would talk about most things with you, he’d discuss history, music, art. He was actually so much more interesting and intelligent than you’d ever realised now you were seemingly getting to know him better, although he was very careful about certain subjects such as the case, work, etc.
Today you were lying on your bed, in your mind you were thinking about your favourite holiday that you’d been on, it felt like a life time ago now but you tried to relive it day by day, picturing that you were anywhere but here in this dark basement.
You heard the sound of footsteps so you sat yourself up, maybe a bit quicker then you should have. The door opened and in walked Noah.
“Afternoon angel, how are you doing?”
You decided to be honest with him.
“Bored, I’m so bored. If you’re going keep me here, can I at least have something to do when you’re not here! There’s only so many cracks around the room I can count before I’ve memorised them”
Noah smiled slightly as your attempt at some humour and nodded.
“Actually I’ve brought you some things today. I realised you must be bored with nothing much to do so I picked up some things from your apartment”
With that, Noah lifted up the bag he’d been carrying and he pulled out some of your books from home and an old radio. The gesture actually taking you back.
“I…uhh…thank you”
“Can’t have that brilliant mind going lazy on me now can we?”
You couldn’t help but laugh with him.
•••••
A couple more days had passed, very much the same as before but this time you actually had stuff to keep you occupied during the days.
Noah was still acting like this was a normal situation, there was no mention of the case or anything over the last few days.
There was one thing about the case that still bothered you however, something you hadn’t dared bring up to Noah incase it triggered a bad reaction. But today you decided you had nothing to lose by talking to him about it. So you waited until he came in with dinner for both of you and you were sat eating together before you approached the subject.
“Noah…can I ask you a question? I need to know something”
Noah’s brown eyes met yours as you clearly peaked his interest, he tilted his head as he looked over you.
“Depends what it is but go on”
You took a breath, moving your food to the side and you tried to make sure you worded everything very carefully.
“Your first victim, Anthony…who was he to you?”
Noah’s expression had become harder to read as he stared at you.
You watched him lick his lips before he answered with a small smirk.
“Still not figured that out detective?”
You shook your head.
“I didn’t really have the time….from what I read however, I assume he was the first. ‘Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images’ but who was he to you? That kill seemed more….personal and it was….different….to the others”
Noah didn’t say a word, he simply ran his eyes over your face but you noticed the relax expression from before was gone.
“He’s a killer…not my friend”
He stood up from his position on the bed and paced slowly, almost like he was calculating his next words.
You felt every nerve in your body on edge, you knew the risk of pushing this man but you’ve done it anyways.
“Anthony Jackson was my first kill, and you’re right, he was different….more sloppy I’d say….I’ve definitely improved on my work since”
Noah stalked closer towards you so you made the point of standing up, mostly so he wasn’t completely towering over you.
“You really want to know angel? Very well. My first kill was the man responsible for the death of my father”
Your mouth fell open in shock at his words and you listened intently to what he had to say.
“After all those years of never knowing who was responsible, when I became a police officer I managed to do some digging and I eventually found him” Noah’s face became very hard as he carried on. “It wasn’t easy, but when I realised it was him, I knew I couldn’t let him go. Would you believe that Anthony was a religious man? And yet he got away with murder, it wasn’t fair that he ruined my life and just carried on living his unpunished!”
Noah was stood in front of you now but you didn’t move away, you now understood, you understood why he started this in first place.
“You said you were raised religious…did you stop believing the da…that day?”
“Yes. I knew that there was no such thing as a god if he could take everything away from me”
You nodded as you took it all in, still be very careful not to provoke him.
“I didn’t do anything for years and years, but once I found him, I knew what my purpose was. As I said, I’ll admit it was more sloppy but that’s what they call a ‘crime of passion’ after all”
You were still putting all the pieces together within your mind, all of it was truly starting to make sense now…apart from one thing.
“If he was ‘thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images’ then why his heart? I can understand the fact he was religious but had murdered someone, from the crime scene photo I saw in that email, I could see religious items in the background. But I don’t understand why the heart was your main focus?”
Noah couldn’t seem to stop the sinister smile from spreading on his lips.
“He ripped my heart out so I simply returned the favour”
The memory of your own dad’s passing suddenly felt so fresh in your chest. You couldn’t help but reach your hand out to touch his, the action causing his eyes to follow your movements, clearly not anticipating it.
“I’m so sorry”
For a brief moment, you actually thought you saw genuine emotion in his eyes at your words. You understood the pain of losing a father young and in such a cruel way.
“He was the beginning of my work, it was poorly executed, but it was what gave me my inspiration, to send a message in the most profound way possible and I’ve nearly done it”
Noah raised his hand to your face and ran his fingers over your cheek gently.
“The thing is angel, we are the same me and you, you get me, you’re the only person on my level. You’re just like me”
Your brows scrunched together as you took in his words, in some ways, you knew he was right but the other part of you knew you shouldn’t listen.
“You know I’m right, even if you try to deny it”
You subconsciously leaned your head into his hand as you mulled over his words. You both had gone through terrible things in life, no one really understood you, especially at work. Noah always believed in you, he knew you could do the job better than most.
Looking up you noticed he had his shirt unbuttoned and his tattoo across his neck was on full display, it was then when you truly noticed the religious symbolism.
Without thinking you brought your hand up to his skin and traced the ink with your fingers, hearing his breath catch slightly as you did.
“Easy angel”
You looked back up into his eyes to see they had dilated, your fingers rested on the side of his neck, your stomach twisted in knots. You didn’t even really know what you were feeling as it was all mixed up together in your mind.
Noah leant his down to you and pressed his lips against yours, he was gentle at first but when you didn’t immediately pull away, his other hand wrapped around the back of your neck and he pulled your body against his.
“Wrong, wrong, so very wrong!”
Noah pulled away, his hands still holding onto you as he stared down at you.
“I shouldn’t be doing this”
Noah smiled at yours words and started to stroke your hair before he pressed one more kiss onto your lips.
“Says who? I am starving, you’re starving. I can taste it on you. Who says this is wrong?”
You continued to gaze up at him, your mind in complete overdrive.
“I…I can help you Noah”
“I really wish you could angel”
And with that Noah turned and walked out of the room, the locking sound ringing in your ears.
I relate to this a lot, because I’m not used to a guy paying attention to me like that. So when I ask someone is it normal if a guy does (ex. smell her hair) to girl he likes, I’m asking because I don’t know. So I really appreciate stories where the reader is an introvert and not an ✨introvert ✨.
Mystery of love
a/n look I am wine drunk and I have thoughts. 🤷♀️
summary: when two lost souls meet at their mutual friend’s party sparks fly, the question is if whatever they feel can actually bloom into something more? But that’s the mystery of love.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
It was silly truly. You weren’t big fan of parties. You didn’t ever go out really. In the beginning, it was because people didn’t invite you anywhere. You weren’t the cool kid and nerds, well, they aren’t loved all that much through high school. Then you simply outgrow that phase. Life and real responsibilities caught up with you and now you would rather spend your time at home, curled up with a book than drag yourself home from god knows what parts of the city at odd hours.
But this Friday was different. Your friend and her partner were hosting a shared birthday party. And while you could have excused yourself if it was only her boyfriend's party now that she was also celebrating hers, it meant that you didn’t have it in yourself to lie through gritted teeth. So that’s how you found yourself a homemade pie in hand, flowers beneath your armpit as you waited for someone to open the door.
“Y/n”, a loud squeak made a smile break out on your face, “And with your infamous pie. Matt, she brought the pie I told you about”, Emmy turned back, yelling over the corridor. “Oh, I’m so glad you could make it”, she clasped your upper arm in excitement, “It’s just been me and the guys, need to balance it out, you know”, she chuckled, ushering you inside.
“Everyone this is Y/n, the best friend!”, Emmy skipped into the kitchen, gesturing to you as if you were the prized possession that had to be shown off. You felt your face heating up immediately. You hated being put in a spotlight like that, yet you managed to give an awkward wave. Trying to listen in to all the names shouted around the room. Letting your eyes fall from face to face carelessly. The chances of meeting these people…
Your gaze halted as you did a double take. Bringing your gaze back to those warm chocolate orbs that looked directly at you. It seemed as if everyone had moved on. Bickering about toppings for pizza. But it’s as if you two had been glued, nether managing to look away. “Matt, the boyfriend”, you blinked a couple of times turning your attention to the side. “So the friend finally meets the infamous man”, you chuckled under your breath, leaning into the side hug he was offering. “She talks loads of you, shame I’m only meeting you now”, Matt smiled at you and you quickly returned the gesture, “Trust me, I know awfully a lot about you too”. “Should I be worried?”, he chuckled, eyes falling on Emmy, fighting her way over cheese by the counter. “No, it’s mostly good stuff”, you shrugged, as you both chuckled to yourselves.
While the evening was fun the more the time passed the more the house turned into a frat party. You glanced at your phone for what felt like a thousand times. The location of your apartment was typed into the Uber app almost an hour ago, making you feel like a shit friend since for the most part all you had been thinking about was going home. That and the brown eyes that had followed you through the night.
“Wine?”, you flinched slightly, locking your phone. “Or are you already going somewhere else?”, startled you turned to the voice behind you, ready to give your best excuse only to feel them all die down at the sight of the same brown eyes. You simply turned your glass towards him, while trying to come up with anything proper to say.
“I’m Noah by the way”, he mused tilting the bottle to fill up your glass once more. “Yn”, you muttered. “Oh, I remember”, he smiled up at you, making your cheeks turn crimson even more. “Sorry, just so many people and faces, I’m awful with names”, you whined giving him an apologetic smile. Noah simply shook his head, “Trust me, it’s almost refreshing”. You let his words wash over you as you both fall into silence once more.
“So… Where were you planning to run off to and can I join?”, Noah’s words took by surprise as you turned to him once more. A light chuckle slipped past your lips, “I was planning on going home”, you admitted with a little shrug. “Matt’s cooking not to your liking?”, his words instantly sent panic running through your veins. “Oh, no, no, it was so good. Emmy talks about his food so much and…”, you instantly felt like defending yourself, “Hey, I’m only joking”, Noah cut in, “I didn’t… Shit did I just get you all worked up over that?”, he ran a hand over his mouth looking at you.
You started at one another for a while before both falling into fits of laughter. “Sorry, shit, it’s been a while”, Noah shook his head. “No, it’s fine, I’m too introverted for this”, you brushed him off, reaching for your glass. “Can I be honest?”, Noah asked, stepping closer so he could stand beside you. You simply nodded, watching him take a sip out of the bottle. “I haven’t been able to look away from you”, he admitted, “Sounds so fucking childish but… There’s something about you”, Noah mussed turning to look at you once again. “Maybe it’s the wine?”, you shrugged, trying to not let his words make your heartbeat pick up. “I was dead ass sober when I first saw you, sweetheart”, he muttered, reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind your ear.
You couldn’t help but bite your lip as you tried to keep that smile at bay. His fingers carefully caressed your jaw before brushing over the bottom of your lip. “You would never like me sober”, you mussed pulling back. “And how would you know that?”, he pushed on, determined to keep you close. “I’m nothing like Emmy”, you pointed out, glancing back towards the kitchen where people were dancing around the counter. “Who said that I like girls like Emmy?”, Noah’s words made a shiver run down your back. “Guys always choose girls like her over girls like me”, you chuckled, taking an eager gulp of the wine in your glass. The last thing you needed was to unload years of insecurities onto a stranger.
“Funny, girls only started looking at me now, I was never the first choice”, Noah shrugged making you glance back at him. “Yeah, right”, you snorted, not able to imagine a universe where someone would pass an opportunity to date someone like him. “A strange nerd with a lisp doesn’t rank highly, darling”, he grunted making you frown, “Don’t say that about yourself”, you argued back. “Ah… But you can put yourself down?”, he smirked back at you with that knowing grin.
“Fine, we both are weird. Happy now?”, you shook your head. “Would be happier if you would go on a date with me”, Noah’s words sent another cold shower down your back. You watched him for a heartbeat. He looked like a lover boy. A black hoodie, sweet eyes. That smile. Only the tattoos covering his hands indicated a more dangerous side of him. The side you had a feeling would pull you under. “Very funny, but I’m not falling for this”, you shot him a tight smile, reminding yourself that there wasn’t a universe where a guy like him would fall for a girl like you. “You don’t know me, yet you are putting labels on me”, his hand wrapped around your upper arm as he made you halt in your tracks, “you wound me, sweetheart”, Noah muttered, leaning in.
“And who’s worried about how much you will wound me?”, your words seemed to sober him up in an instant. A frown replaced a smile that was previously there. “Why would I…”, he breathed out. “Thank you for the wine”, you lift your glass slightly towards him, “And for the chat. Tell Matt he’s a wonderful cook”, you cheered him, clicking your glass with the bottle in his hand before turning away from him. Heart beating so fast in your chest, it was making you dizzy.
“Hold on, YN”, you heard his voice as you moved across the room, avoiding contact with people. Quickly lowering your glass onto the nearest table before heading towards the door. You couldn’t look back even if everything in your body screamed for you to. Noah’s voice hunted you till you slipped outside, hurrying towards the gate, hands quickly looking for the first possible Uber.
Too late… now I’m at work thinking about him railing me on a desk in one of the managers offices. 🫠🫠
GUYS YOU KNOW WHAT?
this is Noah after sex. ok bye.
Oh my heart!! 💜 this was so beautiful to read 😍😍😍
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔
Pairing: Noah Sebastian x reader
Summary: Noah loves the sound of your laughter, so he finds a way to show it using the way he knows best: through music.
Noah had always been attuned to sounds—beats, melodies, harmonies—but nothing compared to the sound of your laughter. It was effortless, bright, and so full of life that it always left him breathless. There was something about the way it filled the air, soft but vibrant, that made everything feel lighter, like the world itself paused to listen.
He couldn’t quite remember when he first realized how much he loved your laugh. Maybe it was in the beginning, back when you were both still getting to know each other.
It started small, an easy smile tugging at his lips every time he heard that familiar lilt of your voice bubbling up with laughter. Over time, it became more than just something he liked—it became a sound he craved.
Like that one time in the kitchen, a late afternoon spent trying to make dinner together after a long day. You had insisted on cooking from scratch, and he, not wanting to miss a single second with you, had eagerly joined in.
But neither of you were particularly good at following recipes, and somewhere between mixing the ingredients and trying to chop vegetables, chaos erupted. The sauce he was stirring splattered out of the pot, hitting the counter, the walls, and you—of course, right on your shirt.
For a moment, there was stunned silence, and he worried you might be upset. But instead, you threw your head back and laughed—this rich, unrestrained sound that filled the entire room.
“Look what you did!” you gasped, barely able to breathe between laughs, pointing at the mess. There was flour on the floor, vegetables strewn across the counter, and sauce now decorating your clothes.
"Oh, it's my fault now?"
"Yes! Because you agreed to do this with me!"
Noah couldn’t help but join in, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt. He didn’t care that dinner was ruined or that you both looked like a disaster.
Your laughter made everything feel like it was perfect. It was the kind of moment that would stay with him long after the mess was cleaned up.
Every time you laughed like that, it was as if his world grew brighter, like all the small troubles of the day melted away, leaving only the warmth of being close to you.
It wasn’t just in the kitchen, though. It was everywhere. When he was on the road, touring with the band, those late-night phone calls were what he lived for. No matter how tired he was or how much the road had drained him, hearing your voice on the other end of the line always pulled him back to life.
He’d listen to you talk about your day, sometimes mundane things like what you had for lunch or funny stories from work, but every time you laughed, it felt like magic.
That sound, soft yet clear, would make his heart race in the best way. He would close his eyes, lying on the stiff hotel bed, and let your laugh wash over him like a melody. Even through the phone, it felt like a tether, something real and grounding when everything else felt so distant.
And those moments—those bursts of laughter—weren’t just fleeting noises to him. They stayed. They lingered long after the call ended, replaying in his head when he couldn’t sleep, when he was sitting on the tour bus staring out the window, thinking about home.
And you were his home, really.
Even when you were both with the band, just spending time together on pizza nights, your laugh still stood out to him. The room could be filled with chatter, music, and noise, but all it took was for you to find something funny, and his attention would snap to you.
You’d cover your mouth, trying to muffle the sound, but it only made it more endearing. He would watch the way your eyes crinkled, how your whole face seemed to light up with each peal of laughter, and it was like the rest of the world blurred into the background.
It was like a song, one that he carried with him even when you weren’t there.
But nothing compared to the sound of your laugh when it was just the two of you, late at night, tangled together in bed. He loved the quiet moments most—when the world outside slowed, and it was just you, wrapped up in him.
And when he buried his face into the crook of your neck, letting his hair tickle your skin, you’d squirm at first, trying to wriggle away, but you never could for long. And then it would come, that soft, breathy laugh you couldn’t hold back.
It was different from the ones you gave in public, more intimate, meant only for him. You’d giggle as he pressed kisses along your collarbone, your fingers threading through his hair, and he’d feel that sound vibrate through you, through him.
Noah couldn’t explain it, but in those moments, with his head resting against your chest, your heartbeat steady beneath his ear, and your laughter quietly filling the space, everything felt right. He would listen to it, soak it in, and know—without a doubt—that there was nowhere else he wanted to be.
That was why he did it, really.
One evening, he asked you to listen to something. It wasn’t unusual—he’d often play you demos or rough cuts of songs he was working on, wanting to hear your thoughts. But this time, he seemed nervous, more hesitant than usual as he handed you his headphones.
You raised an eyebrow, a curious smile tugging at your lips. “What’s this?”
“Just something I’ve been working on,” he said, almost shy, which wasn’t like him. You could tell by the way he avoided your eyes, fidgeting slightly. “I, uh, I wanted you to hear it first.”
Intrigued, you slipped the headphones on, your heart already beating a little faster as the music began. It started slow, a soft, melodic guitar riff that felt warm and familiar, like Noah’s usual style. Then, layered gently beneath the instruments, you heard it—a sound that made you stop.
Your laugh.
It was subtle, mixed carefully into the track, but there was no mistaking it. A gentle, airy laugh, your laugh, from some time when you couldn’t remember being recorded. And yet, here it was, woven into the song like it belonged, like it was always meant to be there.
You pulled the headphones off slowly, your eyes wide as you looked at him. “Is that… me?”
Noah scratched the back of his neck, clearly nervous. “Yeah, I recorded it during one of our phone calls. I’ve been wanting to… you know… keep it. Your laugh. I thought it’d be nice to put it in the song, like… I don’t know… like a piece of you in it.”
For a moment, you were speechless. The gesture, the sheer sweetness of it, had caught you off guard in the best possible way. He had taken something so personal, so *you*, and made it a part of his art, his music—something that mattered to him almost as much as you did.
“Noah,” you whispered, your voice soft and full of love. “That’s… that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done.”
He smiled then, that shy, lopsided smile you adored. “I just really love the sound of your laugh,” he admitted, his voice low and sincere. “I wanted to keep it with me… always.”
And with those words, you leaned in, capturing his lips in a kiss that said all the things you couldn’t quite put into words. You pulled him close, your heart swelling with so much love for this man who found joy in the simplest, most genuine parts of you.
Noah hadn’t just recorded your laugh—he’d captured a piece of your love, something that echoed in every moment you shared.
And now, it was immortalized in his music, a part of him, just as he was a part of you.
I just really wanted to make a Bad Omens version of this meme. Also because I’m 5’3 and Noah is 6’3, so he really would have to lean down to kiss me. Giving y’all a slight face reveal as well.
Why would you do that???
all that's left | noah sebastian
noah sebastian x reader | tags & triggers warnings: pure angst and pain, mentioned car crash, mentioned coma, implied death | words: 900ish
͢ all that's left
Jolly sat in the hard plastic chair, staring at the floor, tracing the same crack in the linoleum with his eyes for what felt like the thousandth time. His fingers twitched in his lap, restless with the things he still couldn’t make sense of, the things he didn’t know how to say to her.
It had been two weeks since the accident. Two weeks of waiting for her to wake up, to open her eyes and remember. Two weeks of trying to accept reality and trying to find the right way to tell her the truth—truth that he still couldn’t accept himself.
A deep, hollow ache tugged at him as he glanced toward her motionless form in the bed. Machines hummed softly around her, cables trailing from her body like vines trying to hold her down to this world. Her face was pale beneath the harsh hospital lighting. It was hard to reconcile the vibrant girl he remembered with the frail figure lying in front of him now.
He hadn’t left the hospital much since the crash. Couldn’t. Her uncle hadn’t come, as expected, but there had been friends and other relatives that had come to check on her, that had cried when they’d seen her, that had cried even before stepping into the room, once the news had reached them.
None of it changed a thing.
A faint groan, barely audible, broke the silence in the room. Jolly’s heart leapt into his throat as he snapped his head up.
Her eyelids fluttered.
For a moment, he froze, unsure if he had imagined it. But then her fingers twitched, her lips parted in a faint gasp, and her eyes—those eyes—opened, unfocused and wide with confusion.
He pronounced her name in a questioning tone. Jolly leaned forward, his voice shaky but hopeful, like it might shatter at any moment.
She blinked slowly, trying to focus, her gaze darting around the room in a frantic haze. Her breaths came in short, shallow bursts. Her body seemed stiff, uncooperative, like it wasn’t hers anymore. She stared down at herself, at the tubes snaking into her arms, the bandages, the bruises, the weight of her broken body sinking in.
“Wh–where…?” Her voice was raspy, as if it had been buried somewhere deep, far away. Panic flickered in her eyes as her hands instinctively pulled at the wires tethering her to the machines.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Jolly said quickly, standing now, reaching out but not touching her. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re fine.”
She flinched at the sound of his voice, her gaze finally locking onto him. But there was no recognition there, only fear.
“J-Jolly?” she whispered, her lips barely moving.
He nodded, forcing himself to breathe, to stay calm. “Yeah, it’s me. Hold on, I’ll get the doctors.”
He stumbled to the door, calling for a nurse, for anyone. It wasn’t long before they flooded the room—nurses, doctors, people in scrubs with voices too loud and movements too fast. They surrounded her, checking vitals, speaking in hushed tones meant to reassure, but her confusion and panic only deepened.
Jolly stood back, hands shoved into his sweats’ pockets, watching helplessly as they worked. This was it. This was the moment he had dreaded, and it was happening too fast. He wasn’t ready. But it wasn’t about him—it was about her. And Noah.
After what felt like forever, the doctors finished their examination. One of them—a tall man with kind eyes—placed a hand on Jolly’s shoulder as they left.
“She’s stable. It’s good that she’s awake. Take it easy, okay? She’s going to be confused and disoriented. We’ll be back in a while to check on her again. ”
Jolly nodded mutely. Easy? There was nothing easy about this.
The room was quieter now, just the two of them again. She lay back against the pillows, her brow furrowed in confusion, but calmer. She turned her head—even that simple movement hurt like hell—. Her eyes landed on Jolly.
“What… happened to me? Why… why am I here?”
Jolly took a slow breath, pulling up the chair beside her bed. His hands were trembling slightly, but he tried to steady them as he clasped them together. “You were in an accident,” he said softly. “Two weeks ago. A car crash.”
She blinked, processing. Her gaze dropped to the cast encasing her leg, the bruises staining her skin, and the machines still connected to her. She swallowed hard, a flicker of understanding crossing her face. It made sense, even if it didn’t feel real.
“Two… weeks?” she whispered, almost to herself.
Jolly nodded. “Yeah. You’ve been in a coma. But you’re awake now. You’re going to be okay.”
She didn’t respond right away, staring down at her hands. Her face twisted as if she was trying to pull memories from the darkness, but it was like sifting through fog. Then, slowly, she looked back at him.
“Jolly…” Her voice broke a little. “Noah… He was with me. He was in the car too.”
Jolly’s heart clenched, and he felt the blood drain from his face.
He opened his mouth, but no words came. Just the crushing weight of what had to be said, pressing down on him as he tried to gather the courage to speak.
Her eyes widened as the silence stretched on, and the air between them growing impossibly heavy as her heart succumbed to the most horrifying panic she would ever experience; her eyes, unblinking, filling with tears.
“Jolly… where’s Noah?”
I just saw you're taking prompt requests ☺️
1 and 16 from list 1
Noah and reader are best friends (they like each other but haven't told each other). They're on a road trip and they go to a hotel that only has one room left - the honeymoon suite! One big bed, mirrors on the ceiling and walls, you know lol. They wake up in the middle of the night cuddled together. Things start to get steamy and reader mentions she's inexperienced (not a virgin but not much experience) and Noah offers to give her a lesson. Reader says she doesn't wanna ruin their friendship but Noah says that's what friends are for. Very smutty times and then true feelings are revealed 🥹
welp rip everyone 💀
Parings: experienced best friend Noah! x slightly experienced Reader!
Warnings: best friends to lovers, fingering, guided masturbation, male and female masturbation,dirty talk, P in V, Creampie, unprotected sex, swearing, my grammar, ✨MDNI, NSFW✨
Taglist: @reyadawn @concreteangel92 @concreteemo @aubrey-melinoe @lma1986 @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @lilhobgobbler @sorrowsofsilence @blend-in-with-the-madness @noahsebastions @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @fadingangelwisp @into-the-grey @anangelinthepit @somewhere-diamond @somebodyels3 @somebodyllelse @hurricanesfollowyou @iluvmewwwww75 @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @raspberrywatermelon @thisbicc @dunnkop @philomenie @silent-stories @bloodylullaby @dravenskye @english-fucker
✨Request and Prompts are CLOSED✨
‼️IF SEX OR ANY SEXUAL CONTENT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE THIS IS NOT THE STORY FOR YOU. PROCEED WITH CAUTION‼️
Enjoy ✨🫶🏻🩶
Someone tell Addison Rae’s song Diet Pepsi, to fuck off from my brain that’s the only thing that keeps replaying💀😵💫 FUCKKK😩
You and Noah were on a roadtrip to go to a famous tattoo shop. The drive was more than 24 hours, so you guys knew you’d be driving for a few days. You guys stopped at a few places a long the way since it was cool and touristy around you guys.
It was now night time and both of you were completely exhausted from driving. Still having 8 hours into the drive left both you decided that getting a hotel would be best for the both of you.
You guys were still in a large tourist area so there wasn’t a lot of hotel availability around. You guys called a few places and only one right by you guys had a room left. Not taking into details about the room you guys headed straight there to get your ass in a comfy bed.
Walking into the hotel lobby with your belongings you and Noah headed to the desk.
“Hi, we called about the room availability, you guys only having one left?” You questioned to the man at the desk.
The man turned around to you smiling, you matched his smile back, as he hoped on the computer to pull it up.
“Yes, we have are honeymoon suite available. It’s our only room left, with one large bed.” He replied looking back up at Noah and I. We could both get off as a couple but never wanted destroy your friendship.
I looked over at Noah, my face beat red. The idea of sharing a bed with him making me flush and feel all sorts of things. I’m not that experienced being with men anyway, let alone anyone.
I couldn’t really speak, Noah took over agreeing it was okay for the both of us. He signed the paperwork and the man gave us the key heading up to our room.
Noah and I hopped in the elevator. The silence was deafening between the both of us.
“You okay with sharing a bed?” You asked him, seeing he was caught in a daze of some thoughts he had going on.
“Yea, it’s completely fine, we’re just friends anyway.” He shrugged, as we made our way through the hallway to the room. “It ain’t going hurt us, to sleep in the same bed for one night. I’ll even sleep on the floor if you want me to.” He insisted, making sure you were the one that was comfortable over himself.
Before you can say another word he stopped right at the door. A big door, of course the number was “69” he laughed at the fact of that.
He scanned the card making the door unlock to open, gesturing you to go in before him. You walked in and immediately greeted with a large bed, a huge shower in the bathroom with a bench. Mirrors everywhere and on the ceiling, and a private balcony over laying the city.
“Wow, wtf there’s mirrors on the ceiling.” He laughed looking up. You both laughed awkwardly about the situation.
“They must of gave us the honeymoon suite where people go to make babies I guess.” You cringed at the thought of the idea that other people have fucked in this room.
Noah chuckled again at your comment, before grabbing some clothes and stating he was going shower. You nodded to him, walking over to the balcony taking a seat and watching the view. The city was pretty quiet not much going on, no parties or rowdiness in the streets. It was pretty relaxing. After about 10 minutes Noah appeared on the balcony freshly washed, hair wet, with a clean scent that filled your nostrils.
He looked so good fuck.
You thought to yourself. Noah and you both have feelings for each other but you both never thought to bring it up knowing it could possibly harm your friendship. Noah felt the same way about it you, he liked you a lot and wanted you to himself but would never tell you.
“I guess it’s my turn..” getting up to head to the shower yourself. You stripped off your clothes already feeling hot from the situation that’s been going on. Noah is extremely attractive and you’re going to share a bed with him.
You’re going to share a bed with your best friend. You tried not to think about it too much, worried that you’d get too wet and he’d notice. You’re not exactly a virgin but you still haven’t sucked dick or really done any other sex positions or even explored your kinks.
Your last boyfriend didn’t want to do all of those things. You remembered you called Noah the night you finally had sex asking him if everything you were experiencing was normal. Your boyfriend wasn’t exactly gentle with you, and you didn’t even cum, never even had an orgasm. It was bad, thank god you guys split.
You finished washing yourself off, turned off the shower, and dried off; putting on some shorts and a t shirt you had in your bag. You put your hair up as well in a messy bun, not caring how it looked, and it was still wet anyway.
You came out the bathroom and nearly stopped breathing. Your best friend shirtless with just his sweats on was laying on your shared bed. You haven’t seen Noah shirtless many times so it was like a surprise to you. You couldn’t help but stare and he could feel your eyes on him.
“What’s wrong? You ready for bed?” He asked, putting his phone down, turning his attention to you, as you bite your lip slightly looking anywhere but him. If you thought your wetness was gone it sure as fuck was not, and you can’t exactly get off to your best friend while he was awake by you, maybe when he was asleep though.
“Yea… let’s go to sleep.” You replied, crawling into the bed, both do you sleep backs facing each other. The darkness consumed the room, a little trace of moonlight peaked through the curtains by the balcony it was pretty peaceful. You finally feel yourself drift off to sleep.
*time skip*
You woke up in the middle of the night hot as fuck. It doesn’t help that you were literally cuddling in Noah’s arms. His arms wrapped around you tightly, his light snores in your ear, his grip on your lower stomach, having his hand under you shirt, and his fucking boner against your back. It was all overwhelming to wake up to. Not to mention the big ache that remained between your legs as you went to sleep next to problem that caused it.
Noah felt you shift around slightly moving out of his arms, his eyes opening seeing the situation. His low sleepy voice could have made you cum itself.
He didn’t move, he only pulled you closer, his dick digging into you further. You didn’t want to bother him but it was hard when it was bothering you.
“Noah..” you whispered, making him stir slightly. “Mmm..” he replied, rubbing his eyes.
“You’re poking me..” you groaned, clenching your thighs. His body immediately moved from yours onto his back, now fully awake, realizing the situation.
“Oh.. sorry..” he whispered, his voice low from sleeping. Your felt yourself clench again, the ache feeling heavier than normal. Noah got up to go into the bathroom to take care of it, however you felt guilty for some reason, catching his attention by whispering his name.
“Noah..” he stopped in his tracks, turning himself towards you.
“Yea Angel?” The pet name slipping out. Making you blush under the darkness of the room.
“It hurts..” you whine. Feeling yourself feeling too horny and not sure how to take care of it. You haven’t even touched yourself, or even sucked someone off. You felt embarrassed asking for his help.
“What hurts..” Noah moved closer to you now feeling concern. You don’t know how to describe it, it didn’t hurt it ached.
You knew it could change everything if you let him play with you, but who would you be more comfortable with than your best friend, what are best friends for?
“It aches, idk what to do...” your hands came to cover your face as the embarrassment finally settles in. Noah didn’t say a word, didn’t move either. You felt him take a deep breath before speaking.
“I can help you, I’ll show you.” He spoke softly, placing a hand on your knee, that was pressed against your chest.
“Are you sure… I don’t want to ruin our-“ he cut you off mid sentence, not caring. He had feelings for you he would even confess them right now if it was the right time.
“Of course, what are friends for?” He replied, making you feel a little better. “Okay..” you relaxed moving your legs to extend out to him. He took your legs slightly stroking them. His cock was so hard it hurt him.
“I’m going tell you want to do okay. I’m going instruct you, if you want help I’ll help you.” He stated.
You felt yourself shiver at his words. You don’t want to expose yourself to him but it was dark enough that he wouldn’t see anyway. He moved his way up right by you sitting by you.
“Take your shorts off.” He commanded, breathing a little heavy. He palmed himself while watching your moves.
You slide your shorts down your legs, feeling the slick in between toue legs exposed. You’re completely soaked through, and down your legs. You could hear Noah’s light groan at the sight. The moonlight was dim enough to show the both of you, but not too bright to show you all to him.
“You’re soaked… fuck.” He muttered to himself. He re aligned his thoughts to helping you again. “Run your finger over yourself, like you’re teasing yourself.” He commented.
You did as you were told. Your finger running over your covered slit that was soaked, adding a little bit of pressure to it. It felt so good, the fabric sticking your skin, you heard Noah groan lightly right by you.
“Take them off.” He exclaimed, squeezing himself slightly. You looked over at him wanting to play a game with him as well.
“You take yours off too.” You replied, as your fingers hooked around your panties sliding them off and down your legs.
Noah didn’t argue with you, he did the same. You spread yourself out, waiting for his next move for you. You watched has he pumped himself slightly, the moonlight shined on his hard cock, you can tell shit was more than 6 inches. It was gonna hurt if it went inside you.
“Put your middle finger in and slowly pump it in and out. Match the pace I’m at.” Noah states, while he pumps himself slowly, watching your moves.
Your hand moved down to your core sliding your middle finger all the way in. You were tight since only being with one person and never touching yourself. You gasped at the feeling before adding another finger without Noah’s command. He didn’t care though it was about how you felt and you could even stop if you wanted to.
You pumped two fingers into yourself in and out at the pace Noah pumped himself at. You watched him squeeze himself around the tip, wanting nothing more than his hands on you, fingering you himself. His fingers were longer anyway.
“Curl your fingers.” He said, while watching you both breathing heavier. You whined not doing as he said. Wanting him to finger you and make you cum.
“What’s the matter?” His eyebrows furrowed, he stopped his movements.
“I want… you to do it.” You felt your face heat up. Your best friend is going to finger you. Would he even be okay doing this?
“Is that what you want?” He answered with a question, his hand stroking your leg slightly waiting for you to reply.
“Yes. Please Noah, make me cum.” You cried feeling his fingers move to your clit, adding some light pressure to it.
His fingers played with your clit for a little bit, before moving to your wet slit. He eased two of his fingers in feeling how you sucked them in and your walls would clench around them. He wanted to let out a moan himself.
“You’re so tight.” He exclaimed, moving his fingers in and out of you slightly. You breathed heavier feeling that the pleasure was finally enough. His fingers keep going at a faster pace hitting some spots in you, you don’t think were possible.
“Fuck…” you whined, feeling your eyes roll back. Noah keep up his pace, he was not stopping. He wanted you to cream around his fingers, he wanted you to come undone under you. There was no friendship happening after this.
“You feel good Angel.” His thumb working on your clit as well. His other hand holding your hips down so you’d stop squirming and running away from him.
“Mmmm hmm.” You couldn’t even let out words, his fingers here curling into your cunt so good it was nothing you ever felt before. You felt the pleasure in you growing stronger. You stomach tightening as well.
Is this what it felt like?
You wondered. Noah was good and pleasuring woman. He’s been with many of them, he knows the ins and outs of a woman’s pleasure and how to make them cum. If anything he could get off just to you cumming.
His fingers keep hitting the sweet spot inside you making you arch off the bed, eyes rolling back. The room was filled with your cries and Noah’s praises. It was filthy, the way you could see yourself on the ceiling.
“Closeeee…” you cried, the only words you could let out. Noah has officially fucked you out your mind. You could break his fingers from how hard you were squeezing him inside.
“Cum for me… let go.” Noah breathed, feeling himself twitch while watching you cum. You flooded his fingers, shaking slightly at the feeling. You were sensitive as can be.
Noah took his fingers out taken them to his mouth.
You heard him moan around them. “You taste amazing.” He smirked. Getting off the bed you could see his hard cock. He was ready to clean you up and take another shower for himself, but you stopped him.
“Please.. let me have you.” You pleaded, watching his eyes darken again at the idea of having your tight pussy around him.
“You sure Angel?” Noah asked, looking at your face for any signs of doubt or concern.
“Yes, please I know you want this too.” You met his face, pleading a light kiss to his lips. He returned the kiss as well laying you down under him.
You took your hand down to his cock, feeling how hard and sensitive it was. Noah stuttered at the feeling making you turn your glaze back up to him.
“Sensitive..” he replied, feeling your hand pump him. His head fell down to his shoulder eyes closed and mouth open at the feeling.
He had to stop you or he could’ve came all over you.
“I’m so sensitive I could cum right now.” His voice shaking slightly. Making you laugh a little. His finger tap your nose jokingly.
Noah got up running to his bag grabbing lube that he brought with him. You cocked your eyebrow at the fact he had lube.
“You carry that with you?” You questioned, as he rubbed a little lube onto his cock, making it easier to slip into you.
“You never know..” he looked back up to you with a soft smile. His tip rubbed against your folds. He looked up at you again for approval seeing you nod, as he pushed himself in slowly. The stretch was there, it definitely stinged. Noah watched your eyebrows furrow, and paused so you can adjust. After a few minutes he pushed more of himself in almost all the way in.
“You’re so big..” you whine. He chuckled at your comment, stroking your stomach.
“You’re so tight.” He argued back, pushing the rest of him in. Noah stayed there for a little bit already feeling close, like a damn virgin. You made him feel like virgin again.
You grinding your pelvis into his in an attempt to get any friction. Noah groaned at the feeling, before starting to move making you gasp. The pain was all gone the pleasure was everywhere.
He rocked his hips into you, making you moan at the feeling. His hand trailed to your shoulder holding onto you while the other was on your hip.
“Noahh..” you whined, it all felt too good. He made you feel close again. His cock starting hitting your cervix making your see stars at the feeling.
“Such a good girl for my cock.” He groaned, leaning back down to your ear. “Such a tight pussy just for me.” His words made you clench down on him, he can hear you whine more at the feeling of him.
“You like dirty talk huh?” He asked, smirking while his hand grabbed your boob. He flicked your nipple as well making a loud moan escape you.
Noah felt close, but he wanted to wait for you, he wanted to wait for you to come undone for him, he didn’t want to cum before you.
“Noah… I’m close..” his dick but your g spot over and over drilling into it. Your head thrown back while he continued to fuck into you. You couldn’t say words, couldn’t even hear. Your orgasm came so hard you saw stars, and maybe even heard colors while you were at. He fucked your mind up.
You felt Noah release into you, shortly after. He whimpered against you, stilling his hips as he twitched inside you a few times. Both of you were extremely sensitive and tired.
After a few minutes of lying like this with him. You decided to pop the question.
“Noah, what are we now?” You asked, a little concerned, thinking you ruined your friendship for good.
“Do you want to stay friends, because I want you all to myself if I’m being truly honest.” His head lifting off your chest to look at your face.
“I want to be with you.” You replied right away. Your words caused him to place a kiss to your lips, as it was the right and only answer for him.
“Me too.” He snuggled into you. You both feel asleep like this with his cock still inside you.
…. AUGGHHH I’m sorry if it wasn’t exactly how you wanted it to be. I think it turned out great regardless. REQUEST AND PROMPTS are CLOSED I’m not longer taking any.
Thank you for your prompt request my beautiful anonymous, this was amazing🫶🏻
The Devil's Advocate - Prologue
Noah Sebastian X Reader Delinquent Noah/Pastor's Daughter Reader
Masterlist
Rating: 18+ Minors DNI.
_____
Noah’s right pointer finger began to freeze just as the can he was holding started running out.
Shit.
He shook the can vigorously. He only had one letter left before he was done. “Do you have more red?” he asked.
“No, I’m out,” said Nick.
He shook the can once again and went back to his project. The red paint sputtered, leaving a smattering of paint flecks on the wall, aerosol coating his finger once again.
“Come on,” he muttered under his breath.
The night air was freezing. Late September had always carried a slight chill, but this night in particular was unseasonably frigid.
Noah caught a flash of red and blue out of the corner of his eye just before he heard the tell-tale whoop of police sirens.
“Let’s bounce,” he said, throwing the can into his open backpack and slinging it over his shoulder.
Nick had a head start, having chucked his empty can behind him. He rounded the corner with Noah on his heels.
“Stop!” the officer yelled. From the sound of it, he was a good fifty yards behind. Noah might be able to outrun them. He was spry, with long legs and had experience running from cops. He knew the officers in town would have a hard time catching up to him, given that they spent most of their days sitting on their asses in their cars, lurking near busy stretches of roads and trying to catch anyone behaving in a way they didn’t like. That amount of privilege made them soft.
He took a left turn down a side-street. He knew he could lose them if he could just get to the woods. Nick had the same idea.
A mild pang of regret tore through his chest. He knew he’d never get a chance to finish the message he’d wanted to send to those religious fucks.
Whatever.
At least they knew they were hated.
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The Devil's Advocate - Chapter 1
Noah Sebastian X Reader Summary: Noah is a delinquent and you are the pastor's daughter.
Rating: 18+ Minors DNI
Masterlist Banner by @flowerynerds
__________
“Why would someone do something like that?” you asked, staring down at the picture on your phone. “I don’t know, sweetheart,” you dad’s voice crackled through the speaker. “I can only guess that he’s clearly lost and hurting.” You stared once again at the photo displayed across your screen. A black, horned figure stared back at you with the letters HAIL SATA scrawled in red underneath. At least they didn’t finish the last word. Could someone go to Hell for saying that? You weren’t sure. It made you uncomfortable though.
You didn’t like to think about anyone going to Hell. Suffering for eternity with no way out? A lifetime of being burned alive? Your throat started to close up and you knew you had to stop thinking about it too much or you would have an anxiety attack. That happened sometimes when you thought about Hell too much. It’s why you always tried to make sure you were on the right side of the Bible.
“Do they know who did it?” you asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “Caught him trying to scale a fence. The paint on his forefinger matched the colors on the wall. He spent the night in custody. They’re asking if I want to press charges.”
“Do you?” you asked.
“Well, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I’d like to negotiate his sentence. Some community service would do him some good, don’t you think?” “I suppose,” you mentioned, not sure where your dad was going with this. “I need you to monitor it.”
“Monitor what?” you said, not quite putting two and two together.
“The community service. Are you listening?”
“Yeah, sorry,” you said, shaking your head rid of the thoughts that had crept in. You’d started thinking about Hell again. “Why me?” you asked. “Because I trust you,” he said. You groaned internally. “I need you to witness to this boy. He’s a lost soul and needs to be brought to the Lord. It’s only for a few weeks. Saturday mornings from eight to noon. I know you can do that.”
You sighed. Your father always did this. You were tired of the guilt trips, but they still worked every time. Besides, what’s more important to you? Sleeping in on Saturdays or someone’s eternal fate? You were being selfish. “Fine, but I want a leadership role at the youth center this year.”
“Done. I’ll call you later with more details. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
You slumped forward. There goes the rest of your Saturday mornings. They were the only day out of the week you actually got to sleep in, since you had Church every Sunday morning.
At least you’d be working closely with Isaac during the week. You melted a little even thinking about him.
He was the praise and worship leader for the campus youth group, and the most attractive man you’d ever seen. You’d kissed last summer, but haven’t made progress on that front since.
You sighed and fell back into bed, acknowledging that this was likely your only opportunity to sleep in for a while, allowing your thoughts to stay on Isaac and go as far as you could before it turned to lust (a sin).
_________
The chilly mid-October wind sent shivers coursing through you. Three weeks had passed since your dad had informed you that you’d be conducting community service. It was 7:56 AM and you were standing, clipboard in hand, next to the marred wall of the youth center, waiting for the delinquents to show up.
Delinquents, plural. Apparently, they caught the guy’s accomplice with the help of security footage.
“Excuse me, am I in the right place?”
You looked up from the clipboard to see a young man with a friendly smile.
“Name?” you asked.
“Nick,” he answered. You looked down at your clipboard and wrote the time next to his name.
Nick had striking features. He wore a backwards ball cap, a black hoodie, black jeans, and a denim jacket overtop. A nose ring decorated one side of his face. He took his hat off and ran his fingers through a mop of messy brown hair in a way that let you know that he knew it was attractive, before placing the cap back on. He had a friendly, disarming smile that you didn’t expect from a delinquent. It was charming in a sickly-sweet sort of way.
“Good. Okay yes, you’re in the right place. Do you know where the other guy is?” you asked.
“Noah? Not sure. He should be here soon though. He knew we had this today.” It was 7:59. You had to report him to your father if he wasn’t there by 8:00. You sighed. Was it so hard for people to be on time? You arrived to everything at least five minutes early and had no problem with it. It irked you whenever people blatantly disregarded rules, but you supposed you could have expected so much from someone who vandalized houses of worship for fun. In your mind, that was just mean.
Your father characterized him as someone who was just sad and hurting. And maybe he was, but he was also a jerk.
When he still hadn’t arrived at 8:10, you determined he probably wasn’t going to and figured that there was no sense wasting time.
“Okay Nick. You see the buckets and sponges over there? Grab a sponge and start scrubbing.”
“Aye,” he answered and walked off. He was much more chipper than you’d have expected for a criminal. But then again, Jesus hung out with criminals, so they couldn’t be all bad.
You didn’t talk much. Nick got to work quickly and you observed, not knowing what else to do. A semi-awkward silence fell between the two of you and you busied yourself flipping through the pages on your clipboard.
It had all the rules and regulations you needed to follow, as well as the schedule for the next twelve weeks. Nick and Noah were to report to each location by 8:00 AM sharp. Failure to do so would mean another week of community service tacked on to the end of the program. They could potentially shorten their sentence if they demonstrated punctuality and good behavior, but not before they’d scrubbed and painted the wall they’d vandalized.
You’d read through all the instructions several times, yet you still had a feeling you were underprepared for this. Were you really just supposed to watch them? Or were you supposed to help them, too? You deliberated for a while until a deep voice brought you out of your thoughts.
“I’m here for my community service?”
You were greeted by a tall, slender figure with long brown hair hiding a pair of dark, indifferent eyes. He wore a black hoodie with the sleeves rolled up and matching black jeans with rips on the knees. On his arms, you could see a spiderweb of tattoos extending down to his hands and all the way up his neck.
This, you realized, was exactly what you had in mind when you pictured a delinquent. Everything about him whispered ‘danger.’ He wasn’t dressed all too different than his counterpart Nick, but something about the way he carried himself made him seem much darker. He wasn’t the sickly sweet type. If Nick was children’s cough syrup, Noah was arsenic. “Noah?” you asked, voice a bit hoarse. He grunted in affirmation but made no other move. You checked the time. 8:42.
“You’re forty-two minutes late,” you said. He blinked, but didn’t respond any further. “Which means I’ll have to report this.”
He shrugged. “So report it.”
His demeanor wasn’t something you’d ever experienced. In the church, everyone was always friendly and accommodating. It was a stark contrast to his counterpart, Nick, who reminded you of many of your church friends with how willing to cooperate he seemed.
“Well, grab a sponge and get to work, I guess.”
He did exactly that, wordlessly taking his place beside his accomplice. Together they scrubbed, not making much progress overall. It took them the entire session to reach a state where some of the graffiti could be painted over.
As they worked, you observed. For the most part, Noah remained stoic, but every once in a while, Nick would get him to crack a smile, either by flicking water at him to making some humorous comment you couldn’t quite catch.
Noah’s smile, you noticed, changed his face completely. It was much more innocent than you’d expect. It was rare, but genuine when it did occur, which humanized him to a point you were uncomfortable with, considering how angry at the two of them you still were.
“That’s all the time we have for this session,” you said once it had reached noon. “See you next week.” Without even saying bye or offering to help clean up the supplies, Noah dropped his sponge and walked away. Nick was a little kinder, telling you he’d see you next week and placing his sponge back in the bucket.
“So that’s how it’s going to be,” you muttered to yourself, and got to work cleaning up the supplies.
_____________
“So what was it like?” your friend Ava asked.
You shrugged in response. “I don’t know. They’re delinquents,” you said. “One of them was fine, I guess. The other was a bit of a jerk. But it was just kind of boring, really. They didn’t talk much. I just kind of watched them work.”
“A jerk how?” she asked. You could tell she was desperate for more information. She’d been hoping to hear an exciting story about how “bad kids” acted, and you got where she was coming from. You’d always been curious, too.
The church elders (your parents included) had always warned you about who to befriend and who to stay away from. These bad kids who go out drinking every night and get themselves into bad situations. In their stories, they always end up addicted to drugs and feeling lost with God in their lives. These were the people who needed to be witnessed to. But how were you supposed to tell them about God if you were also supposed to avoid them? It was all very confusing to you.
Both you and Ava had grown up entirely within the church community. Both of you had gone to private school, and while there were definitely some people there who were more misbehaved than the two of you, there were no real bad kids.
The biggest scandal you’d seen is when you found out Jason Carver had sex with his girlfriend. Which, admittedly, was a pretty big scandal because you were under the impression that everyone in that school had taken their purity vows seriously.
You couldn’t fathom what possessed Jason to commit such an outright sin. You were sure Jesus would forgive him, but seriously. What was he thinking?
Although the boys hadn’t been given quite as many purity talks as the girls had, so that could have had something to do with it. Each of the girls in the school were given a silver ring called a “promise ring” signifying their promise to stay pure until marriage. There was a whole big ceremony, too. Getting your promise ring was a huge deal in school. It was basically a coming-of-age ceremony.
You fiddled with the silver ring still on your finger. Ava had a matching one. You two had also made a friend pact where you’d both stay virgins until marriage. Though you weren’t sure how that would work out, because both of you had plans to marry Isaac and both of you were stubborn enough to hold out for him.
Regardless, the church community was pretty close-knit, and neither of you had interacted much with people who didn’t follow the same code of conduct. You could tell Ava was fascinated by the idea but so far, nothing too exciting had happened.
“Both of them drink alcohol though,” you mentioned. “I overheard them talking about a party they’d gone to the previous Friday, and Noah had mentioned he was really hungover and that’s why he’d woken up late.” He said this only to Nick, not to you.
“Wow. I wonder what that’s like.”
“Ava!” You scolded.
“Oh, whatever. Jesus himself drank wine,” and you just shrugged, because you didn’t have an argument for that. She was right. You supposed drinking didn’t go against the Bible. Just the rules your parents had laid out for you.
“Come on, we’re going to be late to practice,” she said. “Maybe we’ll get to see Isaac.”
You picked up your pace.
____________
Isaac was indeed there, looking very Jesus-like with his long hair in a bun on top of his head and his scruffy face. You supposed that might have been what drew you to him in the first place. He wore loose-fitting jeans slung low on his waist, a pair of Birkenstock sandals, and a plain white V-neck tight across his chest. He had a silver cross necklace that matched the silver purity ring.
Isaac was impossible not to fall for. He played guitar in the worship band, had the voice of an angel, and really practiced what he preached. So much so that it had been him to stop your kiss from progressing last summer, saying he didn’t want to do anything with you that either of you would regret.
A man who protects your purity rather than challenges it? What could be hotter?
“Okay, let’s run through ‘He Reigns’ again,” said Isaac, and he began to strum out the opening lines. Ava was on keys, Darian was on drums, and Josh played bass. You and Isaac sang.
It’s the song of the redeemed
Rising from the African plain.
It’s the song of the forgiven
Drowning out the Amazon rain.
You launched into a harmony with Isaac. This was one of your all-time favorite worship songs. You loved harmonizing with him. Your voices blended together so perfectly that the act felt almost intimate. Sometimes you’d hit a really beautiful note and you and Isaac would lock eyes and it felt like you were singing to each other.
Every night before bed, you prayed that God would bring the two of you together. And perhaps if you were good enough, he would answer those prayers, so you also prayed that He would be with you to help you not sin as much. Anything to improve your chances.
________
Noah was not thinking about his community service tomorrow. Six beers deep, he was only thinking of how he could see Madison Lewis’s nipples through her silky white shirt and that he’d like to wrap his lips around them if he could.
Madison hasn’t let him hit it in a while. Not that he was desperate. He’s had plenty of women since her, and will have plenty of women in the future. But she was always a particularly good fuck. Something about how unashamedly loud she moaned his name—especially when there were people just outside the bedroom door—really sent him.
She’d been making eyes at him all night, and he had a feeling tonight would be his chance if he played his cards right.
He kept his distance from her. She liked to play hard to get but didn’t want someone that simped for her too hard. He’d have to find his moment. If he knew her well enough, she’d get tired of the charade and present an opening to him, and then he’d move in for the kill.
That’s what set Madison apart. Noah was a hunter. He had no problem getting laid on a regular basis, but most women made it too easy. He barely had to show them attention for them to be practically throwing themselves at him. A good fuck is a good fuck, but he preferred a challenge.
Not that she would be super challenging, but at least she understood the game. Fucking her was like playing chess. There was strategy involved and she knew how to hold her own. The better he played, the more rewarding she’d be. She was reliable in that way.
Plus, she was one of the only women who knew what it was. She didn’t linger. She got in and got out without trying to pretend it was something it wasn’t—or worse, trying to force it into something it was never meant to be.
Too many times, he’d bang a girl who had played it cool with him at first, only to get obsessed and practically stalk him afterwards until he was forced to tell her he wasn’t interested. Whoever it was would cry and make him out to be the asshole, when he had been up-front about what he wanted from the beginning. For some reason, they always believe they were going to be the one to change him. They never were.
And okay, he might be an asshole in the fact that he always knows which of them will get clingy. By now, he’s had enough experience to tell. They come on too strong. They give him too many openings, worrying that he somehow didn’t understand what they were trying to communicate if he responded the first time. He got the hint. He just wasn’t interested.
At least he wasn’t interested if there were still other options available. If he got to the end of the night and all the good options had been taken, he’d throw them a bone and give them a good time, fully knowing that he was in for a week or two of headaches after they realized that he wasn’t going to suddenly fall in love.
Madison caught his eye and gave him a once-over. He was in. She turned to climb the stairs, exaggerating the sway of her hips as she walked and he followed, taking one last swig of his drink before setting it down on a nearby table and following her up.
_________
“Any idea where he is?” you asked Nick.
It was 8:07 and Noah still hadn’t shown up yet. Nick shrugged. “I was with him at Jolly’s party last night, but he disappeared and didn’t come back to our place. My guess is with Madison.” “I don’t know any of those people,” you said.
Nick laughed, showing a charmingly crooked front tooth. “No, I guess you wouldn’t.”
“Why is he going out partying if he knows he has community service in the morning?” you asked.
Nick chuckled as he pried the lid off the paint can. “I’m guessing you don’t get out much.”
“What do you mean by that?” you asked.
“Have you been to a party before?”
“Sure.”
“I mean one with alcohol,” he deadpanned. You blushed. “That’s what I thought.”
“Why do you ask?”
“Because if you’ve been to a party, you’d understand why we go even if we have to get up early. That’s the fun of it. You get drunk. You hook up. You meet new people and you suffer the consequences because that’s what life is about.”
“Life is about more than just partying.”
“Something tells me you could use a bit of fun,” he replied.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” you said, offended.
“Nothing,” he said, now pouring the paint into the tray and swiping his hair across his face. “Just that you seem a little uptight is all.”
You wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but you didn’t want to prove him right by getting upset about it, so you said nothing.
Nick sighed. “Look, I didn’t mean for this to become a whole thing. I was just teasing.”
“I’m not upset,” you said, albeit defensively.
“Clearly.”
You sat with his comment for a moment.
“I have fun,” you said.
Nick smiled to himself. “I’m sure you have plenty of fun.”
“I do!” you protested. “Just not the kind of fun that ends up in having to do a semester of community service.”
He chuckled again, the smile not once having left his face. “And yet, here you are, with me.”
You didn’t have a response to that.
Someone cleared their throat behind you. You looked up and saw Noah towering over the two of you. “I know I’m late again,” he said. “In my defense I didn’t know that being late meant serving more time.” You noticed the tiniest of lisps sneak out of his mouth on ‘defense’ and ‘serving’ and it further humanized him in a way you wished it wouldn’t.
“You didn’t think there would be consequences?” you asked. He shrugged, removing his hood. His long hair was tied in a bun at the nape of his neck and a deep purple bruise appeared on the skin next to it.
“Shit,” said Nick and gave a low whistle. “Madison?”
Noah nodded without making eye contact with his friend.
“Good for you, man.”
“I’ll remind you that we’re on church grounds. Please watch your language,” you said.
Noah and Nick shared a look that you knew was meant to mock you, but you were adamant. They could behave however they wanted on their own time, but this was your time.
“We were just talking about how Saint Mary over here could use a little fun,” said Nick as he handed Noah a paint roller.
“Ha, ha,” you said sarcastically. “My name isn’t Mary.”
“Might as well be,” said Nick.
At that Noah snickered. “Why does he think you could use more fun?” asked Noah. The fact that this was the first time he was choosing to make conversation with you was not lost on you. And though you knew you’d get teased, it was worth it to establish some sort of rapport, or else how were you ever going to talk to him about God?
“He’s judging me because I’ve never been to a drinking party.”
“A drinking party?” asked Nick. “Did you hear that, Noah? A drinking party!” he said, clutching at his chest in mock scandalization.
You crossed your arms and sucked on your teeth for a moment. “I don’t think you’re the right judge for what kind of fun I should be having, frankly.”
Nick didn’t speak for a second, then held out his hand for you to shake. “Alright, I’ll give you that.”
“Thanks,” you said, shaking his hand.
“Do you attend this church?” said Noah.
“Yeah,” you said. “And it wasn’t cool to vandalize it. It’s really important to me.”
“I stand by what I did,” said Noah.
“Sorry Mary,” said Nick. “Won’t do it again.”
“Again, my name isn’t Mary. And don’t think I’m going to let you off easily. It’s because of you two that I’m roped into doing this for the next however many weeks.”
“They aren’t paying you?” asked Noah.
“No,” you replied, pointing to the wall to refocus them on the task at hand. They picked up on the hint and started working again. “My dad’s the pastor at the church that sponsors this youth center. He asked me to do it as a favor to him.”
“You’re dad’s the pastor?” said Nick, eyebrows lifting up on his forehead. His expression turned unreadable.
“Nick,” Noah said, soft but stern. They shared a look you couldn’t decipher and you sensed the tone of the conversation had shifted to one you weren’t familiar with. Noah looked serious. You couldn’t determine what expression was on Nick’s face. Something hung in the air between the two of you and you had a sneaking suspicion you weren’t going to like it.
________
“A pastor’s daughter!” Nick repeated when they got back to their shared apartment.
“Don’t even think about it,” said Noah.
“A pastor’s daughter, though.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Whyyyyy?” Nick whined.
“Forget it, man. I’m not doing this with you again. First of all, you have terrible taste. They always get clingy. Plus, we have to spent the next ten weeks with her. If it goes poorly for either of us, it’s going to be awkward.”
“A hundred dollars,” said Nick.
“And second of all,” said Noah, “you’d lose anyway. I already caught her staring at me.”
“Two hundred,” countered Nick.
“That chick is so prude, she wouldn’t open her legs for Jesus himself.”
Nick laughed at the imagery. “She’s kind of cute though, in a mousy, goody-two-shoes, kind of way.”
“Nick, I am begging you. Do not make this some sort of mission to bed her. There are enough prude women out there that offer whatever kind of challenge you’re looking for. Leave this one alone.”
Nick sighed. “You never want to have fun anymore.”
Noah rolled his eyes. “I just have better things to do than to compete for who can bed the pastor’s daughter. Plus, I learned my lesson from last time. Remember that groupie?”
Nick smiled. “Chelsea.”
“Yeah. Her. She wouldn’t leave me alone for weeks.”
Nick laughed. “Yeah but dude, she came to me as a rebound and straight sucked out my soul.”
“You are so missing the point, man. I’m not interested in your games anymore.”
Nick pouted. “You’re no fun. Guess I’ll just have to make it a solo game.”
“Just wait until community service is over, please?”
“No promises.”
Noah sighed and retreated to his bedroom, throwing himself down on the bed and rolling onto his back. Truth be told, he had already thought about what you might look like under your high-necked sweater. Nick was right about you being cute. And he could definitely use a challenge.
Plus it would be the ultimate fuck-you to the church. Sleeping with the pastor’s daughter? Taking her virginity? Corrupting the innocent?
He actually had some level of sympathy for you. Clearly you were raised in a household where you had to subscribe to that shit. You probably never even questioned your devotion to this made-up religion. You’d never been to a party. You definitely had never gone past first base with anyone. You lived life with such rigidity and fear of wrongdoing that you probably never let yourself stray from that tightrope.
He knew it well. He’d been raised in a catholic household by grandparents that had instilled the same kind of fear in him. Luckily, he got out when he was still in high school, but he still remembered what that catholic guilt was like. And what happened when he broke out.
All that pent-up self-control? The sexual shame you were taught to have. He knew what that looked like when it finally burst, and you were in for a wild awakening.
Logically, he knew he should stay away. Let you live your life. He wasn’t responsible for saving you from the church. But another part of him wanted to see you freed and felt like he’d be doing you a disservice by not exposing you to the other side.
__________
“I want to go to a drinking party,” Ava whined.
“Are you serious?”
“What? It sounds like fun. We don’t have to drink. We could just go and have a good time and stay sober.”
“Am I the only one who doesn’t want to risk getting an underage?” The two of you were headed to the World History class you shared on Mondays. She’d been prying you for more information on “the bad boys” as she called them. “And you really want to come home smelling like weed and booze and whatever else happens at those parties?”
“Sex?”
“Ava!”
“I just want to know what life is like on the other side is all.”
You sighed. “We don’t need to know what it’s like on the other side. It’s probably just a bunch of idiots getting sloppy drunk and grinding on each other.”
Ava laughed. “You’re so judgey! God won’t send us to Hell for attending one party.”
“I know,” you said, though your throat tightened infinitesimally at the mention of it, because really, who could know for sure? God could be testing you.
“Just promise me, if they invite you to one, you’ll bring me along?”
You laughed. “I doubt they’ll invite me to one. They seem like they already have all the friends they want.”
“You never know!” she said.
“True.”
Part of you was also curious about what happened at these parties that made them so fun that Noah and Nick still went even when they had to get up early, but another part of you wondered if this was His way of testing your commitment to determine if you were worthy of Isaac.
If it was a test, what would you need to do to pass?
_________
“You’re on time,” you said.
“Who’d have thought?” Noah replied. It was 7:48, and you’d only just arrived at the side when you had spotted Noah walking towards you, long arms swinging casually at his side. He wore a white shirt with a gray hoodie today. You tried to get a better look at the tattoos painting his forearms, but they were so numerous it was hard to identify any specific designs without making it obvious that you were staring.
“Is Nick with you?” you asked.
“He should be here soon. He was showering when I left.”
“Okay. Well, I guess we should get back to work.” Painting had finished last week, so this week, Nick and Noah were to rake the leaves that had fallen on the ground and in the parking lot. Noah got to work immediately and without complaint.
“How was your weekend?” he asked. You were surprised he was actually speaking to you, considering how distant he’d been the past two weeks.
“It was good. Yours?”
“Good.”
The conversation fizzled out before it had a chance to go anywhere. It was awkward being alone with Noah. You were trying to stay polite, but he didn’t give you anything to go on, and you were still so angry with him for what he did to the church.
It was so much easier to like Nick. He was at least friendly with you, which made it easier to forgive him. Plus, he seemed genuinely sorry that he had upset you.
“I went home early last night, like you said.”
“What?” you asked, having not processed the information.
“I went home from Jolly’s party early last night,” Noah said.
“Who is Jolly?” you asked.
“Our friend. He plays guitar in our band.”
“You have a band?” you asked.
He nodded. “We’ve only played basement shows locally so far. Nothing major, but it’s fun.” His lisp came out again and your heart softened towards him just a touch.
“What do you play?” you asked.
“A lot of instruments, but in the band I just do vocals.”
“No way,” you said. “I sing in our worship band.”
A small smile broke out on the corner of Noah’s mouth. “I’m guessing our music is a lot different than yours,” he said.
“What kind of music do you play?” you asked.
He cleared his throat. “It’s like…heavier than what you’re probably used to.”
“So like, screamo or whatever it’s called?”
Noah chuckled softly. “Something like that,” he said, focusing on raking up a stubborn clump of leaves.
“So why did you leave early?” you asked.
Noah continued to focus on where his rake met the ground in front of him. “I didn’t want to keep adding time on to the end of my service,” he said.
You laughed, picking a leaf on the ground and twisting it around in your fingers by the stem. “Turning over a new leaf, are we?” you asked. You waited for him to look up and notice the pun. When he did, he stopped raking and stared blankly.
“Did you really just say that to me?”
“I stand by what I did,” you said, echoing his words from last week.
Noah stayed still and silent for a long moment, before nodding to himself, and then quickly, without warning, using his rake to kick up a large pile of leaves in your direction. “Hey!” you shouted, brushing off the leaves that had stuck to your wool sweater. Noah said nothing, turning back to raking. The half-smile never left the corner of his mouth.
Had you misjudged Noah? He had seemed so cold to you at first, but he’d already become much friendlier than he had been that first week.
“So do you think he went back to bed?” you asked.
“I wouldn’t put it past him,” said Noah.
You sighed and fell back into the large pile of leaves Noah had been working on. He continued raking, piling the leaves on top of you.
“You know that’s how you get ticks,” he said. You hadn’t thought of that. You jumped up, brushing all the leaves off you and scanning yourself for ticks. You took your hat off to examine it and ran your fingers through your hair.
“Do you see any on me?” you asked.
“Let me check,” he said, and paused raking. You stood with your back to him, feeling awfully short compared to his towering frame. Noah crouched down to peer at the back of your neck. He lightly brushed the remaining leaves from your shoulders, and then you felt his icy fingers on the back of your neck when he pulled your collar out to check.
“Your fingers are so cold,” you said, voice coming out breathier than you would have liked.
“Sorry,” he said softly from behind you. His voice was gentle as he focused. His fingers pushed your hair out of the way so he could see and tingles erupted over the back of your neck. “Forgot my gloves. Hold on.” You felt him pick at something that clung to your hair. When you turned around, he was inspecting a brown speck pinched between his thumb and forefinger. “I think it’s just a leaf. You’re good.” He flicked the speck away and went back to raking. You, however, couldn’t shake the memory of his fingers ghosting over your skin.
“Did you go to church?”
It felt like a loaded question, but you decided to entertain him. You needed something to focus on.
“I did. Why?”
He shrugged, continuing to watch himself work rather than look at you while he spoke. “No reason.”
“Okay then,” you said, guarded.
“Do you go every week?” he asked after a few more moments.
“I do.”
“And do you like it?” he asked.
“Why? You thinking of giving your life to God?” You meant it to be teasing, but it came out more bitter than you intended.
He smiled to himself. “Just curious as to what you get from it. Why you’re so devoted.”
“It’s not all rules and restrictions, you know,” you said, feeling yourself growing more defensive. “It can actually be kind of fun, and pretty meaningful too.”
“If you say so,” he said. “I just don’t see the fun in being told how to live.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you,” you said. “I like having some guidelines to live by.”
He shrugged, but didn’t say anything else and you fell into an uncomfortable silence.
“It’s not like that all the time,” you continued after a while, watching him rake leaves into a modest pile. “There’s a lot of encouragement. And it can be really rewarding to devote yourself to a greater cause.”
“Seems like a cult to me.”
“It’s not a cult.”
You’d heard the arguments from people before, especially online. Every Atheist you’ve ever talked to does this same dance. They are upset that you believe in something they don’t like and react by trying to disprove God. Each of them brings up their own version of the same argument, all thinking that they, in their brilliance, have somehow got it all figured out and can change your opinion. They never can.
“Do you follow all the rules?” he asked.
“I try to. Why?”
“Just wondering. So you believe everything that the Bible says is true?”
“It’s complicated,” you answered honestly.
“How so?”
This was the part of the conversation you didn’t like. You were well aware the Bible had a lot of contradictions, and you were willing to admit that some of the stuff in there wasn’t realistic, but most people you talked with couldn’t fathom how you still subscribed to an idea that wasn’t completely perfect.
“There’s a lot of great wisdom in the Bible. But it was written by humans, and sometimes humans don’t always do a good job of interpreting God’s will.”
“So how do you know what parts to believe and what not to believe?” he asked.
“I don’t. I just do my best and hope that God will guide me,” you said.
“I guess I can respect that.”
“You can?”
“Yeah. I mean, I still think it’s bullshit, but I’m not here to tell you what to believe. I’m not the church.”
“Touche.”
He cracked a genuine smile, and you were caught off-guard by how pleasant it was. It was almost enough to distract you from that horrendous neck tattoo.
Just then Nick came jogging up.
“You’re—,” you began, but were cut off.
“I’m late, I know,” he said, struggling to catch his breath. “My bad.”
“Well, grab a rake and get to work,” you said, gesturing to where the other rake was leaned up against the tree.
“So what don’t you agree with?” Noah asked, continuing your conversation from earlier.
“Most of Leviticus is garbage,” you said as Nick fell into line between you and Noah and began raking. “Like, that stuff about women not being able to leave their house during their period? Or not wearing blended fabrics? Ridiculous. I think they were all health codes written for the time.”
Noah nodded. “What about homosexuality?” he asked.
That was a sore spot between you and your church. “I don’t think it’s wrong,” you said. “I think if God is love, then love can never be evil. My father doesn’t exactly agree. We get into a lot of arguments about it. It’s something I feel strongly about and have to pray about a lot.”
Noah nodded. “I can accept that. But the church has still done a lot of harm to that community. They should be held accountable.”
“I agree,” you said, moving out of the way so Nick could rake by your feet. “And some churches do outreach to try to heal some of the wounds. One of our sister churches even goes to the local pride parade every year. And they do fundraising to help with AIDS screening.”
“What about your church?” he asked.
You shifted. “My church still has some learning to do.”
“And do you try to educate them?” he asked. “As a pastor’s daughter, you probably have more influence than most.”
“I try,” you said, starting to feel like you were standing trial. “But I’m just one person. I don’t have as much influence as you’d think. I have hope it’ll get better though. I see a lot of churches moving towards a more progressive stance.”
Noah nodded, but didn’t say anything else. You figured that was about as much approval as you were going to get. Still, it was better than nothing.
“I just can’t get over the whole sex thing,” said Nick.
“Nick.” Noah’s voice came out stern and full of warning.
It took you a few moments to register what he had said. When you did, you inhaled sharply through your nose. Nobody in your social circle ever talked about sex openly, aside from saying how they wouldn’t have sex before marriage. You sensed this conversation could be a dangerous one, but your curiosity was piqued.
“What do you mean?”
“Like, you’re not allowed to have sex, right?” asked Nick, ignoring Noah.
“Not until marriage,” you said.
“How do you live like that? I could never!”
On the surface level, there was a part of you that was aware that most people in the secular world did not actually wait for marriage, but because you’d been mostly confined to your immediate social circle, you hadn’t actually conversed with someone who was so openly comfortable with talking about sex. You were both intrigued and so far out of your comfort zone that you struggled to keep up.
“I avoid tempting situations,” you said, noticing the hard set in Noah’s jaw that hadn’t been there earlier. His brows were furrowed and he raked slightly more vigorously.
“How do you not get into tempting situations?” Nick asked.
“I don’t know. I just…don’t?”
“Do you just…not think about it? What happens when you’re talking to an attractive guy?”
“What do you mean? I just talk. I mean sure, I might get giddy or nervous, but I don’t like…I don’t know,” you trailed off. “What happens to you when you talk to an attractive woman?”
“I honestly don’t know if I should tell you, sweet child. It might be too much for your virgin ears.”
“Gross,” you said.
Nick threw his head back into a big belly laugh, ignoring the rake for the moment. “I can’t help it! I love women. They’re so beautiful and…just…sexy.” He said this while drawing a set of hourglass curves with his hands.
“Can’t you admire them without lusting?” you asked.
He shook his head. “Absolutely not. That’s like asking me not to breathe. What’s the point? I’m not interested in being a masochist.”
You leaned against the brick building and crossed your arms, sizing him up.
“You’re not afraid of the consequences?”
He faced you, leaning on his rake. “Consequences? Like STDs or pregnancy? I’m not an idiot. I use protection.”
“No, I mean. Like. Aren’t you afraid of going to Hell?”
“Hell?” he asked, bewildered. “You believe in that?”
You looked at him, wide-eyed. “Yeah,” you answered. “Don’t you?”
“No!” he said. “I didn’t realize people still believed in that.”
“What about you?” you asked Noah.
“I’m not part of this,” he said, refusing to look up from his rake.
“He knows better,” said Nick.
Noah continued working, but eventually spoke. “I believe it’s something that adults make up to scare children into behaving. Like the boogeyman.”
“It could be real,” you said.
“Doubt it,” interjected Nick. “And if it was, I think it would take a lot more than a few fucks to wind up there. That being said,” he shrugged, and went back to raking, “a life without sex seems pretty hellish to me.”
“Nick,” said Noah with even more bite. “Drop it.”
“Fine, fine,” he said, raising his arms up in surrender. “Just making conversation.” He grabbed his rake and went back to working on the lawn, while you finished out the rest of the shift in relative silence. A strange and curious energy hung in the air between the three of you. It wasn’t a bad energy, exactly, but it wasn’t altogether comfortable.
You reached your hand up to wipe away another leaf from the back of your neck, fingers brushing over where Noah’s had been earlier. The tingles stayed with you throughout the next several hours.
____________
“Ladies and gentlemen, there is a war going on. And it’s not a war of the physical realm. No, it’s a war for the soul of the world,” Pastor Jeremy said, in his stern but somber preacher voice.
This was a common theme for sermons. How there is a constant and ongoing battle for the soul of the world, and how Satan and his army are using every tool in their belt to corrupt the hearts of the innocent.
“It is our job,” he continued, “to make sure the devil doesn’t win.”
A message of evangelism. According to many pastors, it was each of our responsibility to save the souls of everyone else. Church goers do this through all sorts of methods. Missions trips were popular. You’d been on one to Guatemala when you were in high school. A group of students went down to build schools and teach other kids about the gospel.
But lately something had been bugging you about this kind of message. Because what if Noah and Nick were right, and Hell didn’t exist? What if it was just something adults told to children to scare them into behaving?
And furthermore, did that mean that your faith was only present because you were afraid of going to Hell? What would your relationship with God look like if you didn’t fear that fate? Would you have one at all?
These questions weighed on you heavily.
“Hey,” said Isaac, nudging you with his elbow. The sermon had ended, and you’d gotten up and started walking out along with everyone else without fully realizing what you were doing. You, Isaac, and a few other students from the campus ministry usually went out for lunch after church on Sundays.
“Hey,” you said, falling into stride with him as he walked into the foyer.
“What’s up?” he asked. “You seemed a little distracted today.”
It was odd of Isaac to comment on your demeanor. You weren’t used to him paying enough attention to you to mention anything.
“Oh. Maybe I was. I didn’t notice.”
He put his hands in his front pockets and leaned his weight on one hip. He looked good in this pose, and it was possible he knew that.
“Anything on your mind?” he asked.
You shrugged. “Not that I can think of.”
Isaac seemed to notice the difference in your mood. Normally, you’d be the one asking him all the questions in an attempt to connect.
“I know what it is,” said Ava, sidling up to the two of you, a sly smile playing on her lips. “Or should I say who.”
“Ava,” you warned.
“Who?” asked Isaac, his interest piqued.
You sighed in frustration. Ava, for as good of a friend she was, loved involving herself in drama and jumped at the chance to involve everyone else, too.
“Oh, just a couple delinquents,” she said in a teasing lilt.
You didn’t know why you even told Ava about the conversation you’d had with them. You’d like to think she wouldn’t use that information to her advantage, but she hadn’t always been the most reliable friend. Truly, she was as much a friend because of circumstance as she was a friend because you shared any solid connection.
Few people understood what it was like to grow up in a church and be sent to a Christian school. Your graduating class only saw fifteen people. You connected with Ava the most out of everyone, but that didn’t mean you trusted her very much.
And you were right to be hesitant, considering she was currently repeating your private conversation to Isaac simply to gain his attention.
“Is that so?” he asked, eyebrows raised. “And who are these delinquents?”
“You’ll have to ask her dad about that one.”
“I’m not listening to this,” you said. “I have sleep I need to catch up on. I’ll see you guys later.”
Truthfully, it was just an excuse to get away from them and clear your head. As much as you usually craved opportunities to spend time with Isaac, you were not feeling it today.
Ava was right. You were distracted because of a couple delinquents—one in particular—and you couldn’t pretend that you weren’t.
Perhaps this was Jesus telling you that you needed to spend more time with him. Perhaps maybe you’d be the one to guide him towards the light?
On the other hand, it could be temptation from the enemy. In which case, you needed to guard your heart.
The only way to know for sure was to pray about it, which you had been doing in earnest, but there was still no clear answer in front of you.
__________
“So I have a theory,” Nick said softly as he took a break from vacuuming the carpet of the worship center. Noah was across the room, headphones on and head bobbing as he dusted the backs of the chairs. He’d apparently given up on trying to tame his friend.
“And what is that?”
“Okay, so it’s maybe you magically just have an inhuman amount of self-control, and I’m not saying it’s not possible, but I’m willing to bet that it’s more likely you just haven’t been tested.”
“Nick, what are you talking about?” Noah asked from across the room.
Nick placed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
“Our conversation last week,” he said. Noah rolled his eyes and went back to dusting, but he let his headphones dangle around his neck, freeing his ears.
“Okay, and?”
“You say it’s not hard for you to avoid tempting situations, but I imagine you probably don’t get into many with the crowd you run with. Like, have you ever even kissed a guy?”
“Why is that any of your business?” you said.
Across the room, Noah sighed and padded over to the two of you.
Nick took the tiniest side-step closer to you. “Just making conversation.”
You took a deep breath, trying to decide whether or not to play whatever game this was. On the one hand, it really wasn’t any of his business. On the other, you were interested to see where he was going with this.
“Okay, I’ll bite. I have kissed before.”
“One of the church guys?” he asked, shifting his body to face you more. Noah observed silently from beside his friend.
“Mhmm,” you nodded. “At summer camp last year.”
“Who initiated?”
“He did, but we’d been flirting all summer before then.” “And when was this? What happened? Paint me a verbal picture.” Nick was visibly interested, shifting his weight from converse-clad foot to converse-clad foot as he looked at you expectantly. You had to admit that it was kind of cute. Noah remained stoic but attentive.
“It was late August,” you said. “Like I said, he and I had been flirting all summer. It was the last night of camp, and all of the counselors were having an end-of-year party.”
“You were a counselor? Oh man, this is too good.”
“What does me being a counselor have anything to do with it?” you asked.
“Nothing. Keep going.”
You rolled your eyes, thinking that you might not even want to know the reason. “So anyway, we take a walk down to the beach. The sun had already set by that point and it was a new moon, so we could barely see anything. We get down to the beach and decide to go for a nighttime swim.”
“Oh, damn,” he said.
“Language,” you said. “We are in a house of God.”
He made the sign of the cross and put his hands together in mock prayer. “Forgive me. Go on.”
You had to admit, it felt good to have someone hanging on your every word like this, even if his motives were less than ideal.
“Okay. So don’t get too excited. We were still wearing our bathing suits under our clothes from the beach game tournament we’d had with the campers earlier that day. But we get in the water, and he’s like ‘where are you?’ because we couldn’t see anything, and I reached out my hand. He took it and pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. Then he said he really enjoyed hanging out with me this summer and asked if he could kiss me.”
“He asked? Ugh,” Nick scoffed.
“What’s wrong with that? It was sweet. He respected me.”
“It was weak,” he replied. “No wonder nothing else happened.”
“What do you mean by that?” you said, crossing your arms. You had appreciated that Isaac cared about getting consent before he kissed you.
“I don’t know how to explain this concept,” he said, resting his hand on his chin. “Noah? Want to take this one?”
Noah pursed his lips, debating whether or not he wanted to get involved, but ultimately relented.
“It’s like,” he said, “a guy who asks to kiss a woman is kind of a coward. When you really want to kiss someone, you just do it and risk getting shot down.”
The image of Noah, standing in the lake with you instead of Isaac, tattooed hand grabbing you by the back of your neck and pulling you into a kiss flashed in the forefront of your brain before you could shake it away.
“I don’t know about that,” you said. “I always thought it was like, a sign that a guy respects you.”
“Nuh-uh,” said Nick. “It means he’s afraid of rejection.”
“Is that really true?” you asked, looking at Noah.
He nodded. “A guy who respects you reads your body language and understands context. He’d know whether you want to kiss him because he’d pay attention to how you’re acting. You wouldn’t have to spell it out for him.”
“Huh,” you said, processing what he had said. You’d never considered it like that before, but looking back, you had put in a lot of work dropping hints to Isaac, going as far as to make it obvious that you were into him.
“How was the kiss?” said Nick.
“It was nice.”
Nick slapped his thigh and barked out a laugh. Noah cracked his signature half-smile.
“So it sucked.”
“What? No! It was really nice.”
“Trust me,” Nick said. “If it would have been a good kiss, you wouldn’t describe it as ‘nice.’”
“I don’t know if I agree with you. I think a kiss can just be nice sometimes.”
“Yeah, if you’re an old married couple maybe. But it just goes to show that you’ve never actually been properly kissed. And that you don’t know true temptation.”
“I don’t think I like this conversation anymore,” you said. “It feels like you’re making fun of me.”
“I might be, just a little bit,” he said. You bristled. “And I’m sorry,” he finished. “I don’t mean to make fun of you. I just think you’re missing out on some really important life experiences. And frankly, it’s a shame that the men in your life have failed you so terribly.”
You softened a bit. “I don’t like being mocked, but I suppose you’re right. I do wish the kiss would have been a little bit more…I don’t know,” you trailed off.
“Passionate?” Noah offered. You locked eyes with him and a warmth grew in your stomach. You liked feeling like he understood you.
“Yeah,” you said. “I’d dreamed my whole life of my first kiss, and when it finally happened, it was exciting because it was Isaac, but—,”
Nick perked up. “Isaac?”
You hadn’t meant to say his name.
“Pretend I didn’t say that.”
“Does Isaac go here?” he asked.
“Nick, please. I don’t want any drama.”
“I promise I won’t say anything. I’m just curious.”
“I’m not telling you anything else about him,” you said. “All you need to know is that he kissed me. It was okay. And then he stopped because he didn’t want to get tempted.”
Noah made a face when you said that last part, and you knew there was something behind it, but you didn’t want to ask. He might just join in and make fun of you.
“I’m done dusting,” said Noah finally. “Want me to start on the windows?”
“That would be great, actually,” you said. “Take Nick with you.”
Noah nodded and latched on to Nick’s collar, directing him over to the supply closet where the window cleaner was kept.
You sat on the steps leading up to the alter and crossed your arms over your knees, resting your chin on them.
You were disappointed in the kiss, you realized. They were right, and you hadn’t even noticed until now. After that night, you and Isaac hadn’t spoken about it again. It was as if it had never happened.
You had always surmised you were just better at self-control than your secular peers, and had clung to the identity, basing a level of self-worth on that idea, but what if that wasn’t true? What if they were right about the rest too, and you were missing out on all these important experiences? Were you just naïve?
You supposed that was a good thing. After all, chasing after those experiences could get you in a lot of trouble and lead you down a bad road. But then again, how were you supposed to resist temptation in the future if you couldn’t even recognize it? What would happen when something came along that did tempt you? How would you handle it?
Did you even want to know?
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The Devil's Advocate - Chapter 2
Noah Sebastian X Reader
Noah is a delinquent with a lot of anger at the church. You're a pastor's daughter charged with overseeing community service. Rating: 18+ Minors DNI Masterlist
Banner by @flowerynerds _______
“What’s up with you?” Madison asked, punctuating it with a nibble to Noah’s earlobe.
“Nothing,” said Noah.
Madison huffed and moved so she was straddling Noah’s lap. She took his hands in hers and placed them on her breasts. By now, Noah was well aware that she enhanced her size with a generous array of push-up bras, but even without them, she was chesty.
Usually, he liked when she took control, but he couldn’t seem to get his head in the game.
“Put your mouth on them,” she commanded, and he did as he was told, enveloping one of her nipples in between his lips and sucking. She let her head fall back, exposing her neck, and Noah, to his credit, went through the motions. He clutched the front of her neck, digging his nails in the way he knew she liked and she let out a moan that he could tell was played up for any eavesdroppers in the hallway.
“Smack my ass,” she whispered, and he did, letting out a groan when she replied to his actions by grinding her hips down on his. The groan was for show. He felt nothing, which she soon discovered once she unzipped his fly with her grabby hands.
“Are you not into this?” she asked with a tone of accusation. As if she somehow couldn’t fathom a man not being immediately turned on by anything she did.
Noah shrugged. “Not really.”
She scoffed and clambered off of him, searching the room for wherever she had flung the top half of her outfit in her coked-up frenzy.
“I’m gonna go find Folio.”
“Be my guest,” he said and gestured to the door, which she promptly stormed out of.
Noah sighed and leaned back on the couch. He checked his phone. It was 11 PM. The party had only been going on for a little over an hour and he was already over it.
Fetching his shirt from the floor, he threw it back on, zipped up his jeans, and made his way back out into the crowd of people now gathered around his friend Ruffilo, who was performing a keg stand.
He held out for longer than Noah anticipated, but when the guys holding him finally let him down, he lost his balance and stumbled drunkenly into the kitchen counter.
The crowd that had gathered around him applauded, and when he finally regained his balance, he threw up his fist in celebration.
Noah couldn’t help but feel affection for his friend in that moment. Ruffilo and Noah had both had a rough upbringing coming from the same small drug-ridden town. They’d grown up in the same trailer park and had banded together early on. Frankly, it was a miracle that they escaped without addictions, considering how the odds had been stacked against them.
Not that he had very much going for him at the moment. They booked a few shows here and there, but aside from that he spent most of his time running a steel lathe at the local precision manufacturing plant. When he wasn’t doing that, he was blowing off steam at Jolly’s parties.
“Did you see that?!” his friend slurred, throwing an arm around Noah’s shoulders and resting most of his body weight on him.
“I did. That must have been a record for you,” Noah replied.
“Had to be over a minute, at least.” Nick laughed through his words and Noah couldn’t help but share in his friend’s joy, trying to push away the sneaking suspicion that partying and drunken hookups were no longer enough to keep him satisfied.
“Where’s Madison?”
“Probably with Nick,” said Noah. He looked around the room, and surely enough, he had her on his lap, sharing a joint with her.
“What happened, man? I thought you locked that down.”
Noah shrugged. “Listen, I think I’m gonna head out.”
“That’s two weeks in a row you’ve bailed early. What’s up with you?”
“Just not feeling it,” Noah replied.
“You’ll make it home okay?” he asked, hazy eyes clearing for a moment in his earnestness. Noah softened and offered a reassuring smile.
“Promise. Go have fun. I have an early morning tomorrow, anyway.”
“Damn, I forgot you were doing that.”
“Yeah. I don’t want to be hungover for it, so I should head out.”
“Take it easy, man.” His friend clapped him on the shoulder affectionately before making his way back into the crowd.
Noah quickly left the party, lighting up a joint for his walk home. It was cold, but after the humid fog of smoke and sweat that had built up in the house, the fresh air was welcome.
He was listless, he realized, and probably understimulated. The factory didn’t pay well and he had no other career prospects. There was no way he could afford college and his high school GPA wasn’t enough to get him accepted to any even if he found financial aid. If things didn’t work out with his band, he was looking at a lifetime of mediocrity.
His thoughts drifted to you.
You were probably busy studying. Surely you attended the university and probably majored in something like literature or early childhood education. He wouldn’t put it past you to get all your homework done on Friday so that you could spend the weekend relaxing.
Your parents were probably still married. And you called them at least once a week to catch up. They likely made enough money that you could afford school without a scholarship, and he was willing to bet you already knew what you wanted to do with your life. You were self-assured and decisive. And though you were sheltered, you probably still had a better chance at success than he ever would.
He took another drag and flicked the half-spent joint into the nearby bushes before breaking out into a jog. He was stressed, and he needed an outlet, and the only thing available to him at the moment was to physically expend as much energy as possible or else he’d wind up punching a mailbox.
_________
“Head’s up. Nick’s in a mood today.”
“Oh,” you said, noting their time of arrival. 8:09, but you marked them both as on time. “Any idea why?”
“He’s hungover. And he struck out with the girl he was trying to get with last night so his pride is damaged.”
“Dang. What about you?” you asked. “Any luck with the ladies?”
“I don’t need luck,” he said. He held a stern expression, maintaining eye contact with you and you were caught off-guard, until he cracked a smile and you relaxed. He had you going for a second, thinking you’d somehow offended him by questioning his prowess.
“Any hangover?” you asked.
“I didn’t drink last night.”
“Oh?” you said, both impressed and surprised.
“Don’t get too excited,” he said, smile still softening his features. “I’m not turning from my sinful ways. I just don’t want community service to be more miserable than it has to be.”
“Sounds like a step in the right direction to me.”
Noah rolled his eyes and headed to the supply closet to get started on the long list of chores that needed completed. Nick had gone to the bathroom when they first arrived and hadn’t returned yet.
“Windows first?” Noah called out from the back of the room.
“Yeah!”
He walked back in holding the bottle of window cleaner and casually flung the rag over his shoulder.
“You’re in a suspiciously good mood,” you observed.
Noah began spraying the nearest window down and wiping it with the rag. You studied him as he worked, noticing just how much of his skin was covered in ink. He moved casually and with confidence, each of the muscles working in perfect harmony with each other. He carried no tension anywhere in his body.
“I like grunt work,” he admitted.
“I’ve never heard of anyone who liked grunt work.”
“Didn’t your Christ like grunt work?” he asked, amused. “I think I remember something about him wanting to be a humble servant.”
“Huh,” you said, taken aback, “come to think if it, yeah.”
“You seem surprised.”
You continued to watch him as he moved to the next window, finding interest in the movement of his shoulders.
“I didn’t expect you to be so Christ-like.”
He smiled to himself. You caught the reflection of it in the window he was working on.
“I don’t do it because some historical religious figure that may or may not have existed said to,” he said. “I do it because it feels good.”
“Still,” you said. “you’d make a better Christian than a lot of our congregation.”
He laughed. “I went to church until I was 14.”
So far, this was the most personal detail he’d revealed to you. While Nick was an open book, you’d always observed Noah to be guarded. He’d speak, but not about himself, and it was always hard to get a read on him. Perhaps that was on purpose, or perhaps it was just safest for him, but having this little bit of context felt like he was offering you a gift. A small bit of insight into who he was.
“Can I ask what happened?”
“You can ask,” he said, “but I probably won’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s private.”
“Anything terrible?” you pressed. It had to have been significant for him to have so much anger still.
“I’m not giving you anything else, so you may as well stop asking.”
“Fine,” you huffed. “But I still think you should give it another chance.” You followed him as he made his way over to the next set of windows.
“And why’s that?” he asked as he began spraying. Something about the way he stayed focused on his work and didn’t look at you made it easier for you to speak your mind.
“You like humble servitude.”
He chucked, low and soft. “People can be good people without being Christian.”
“But isn’t that like, the basis of Christianity?”
“I think you’re reading too deep into it. There are a lot of people who like humble work. It’s good for the body. It’s good for the mind. That’s reason enough to like it.”
You shrugged. “So, you’re saying it feels good to follow Christ’s teaching.”
Noah rolled his eyes. “That’s a stretch. Trust me. Your church doesn’t want me, and I don’t want them.”
“Windows again?” came Nick’s whiny voice from across the room. “God, can’t we do something more exciting?”
You and Noah locked eyes. “Told you,” he said under his breath.
“Like what?” you asked.
“I don’t know,” he said, plopping down in a pew. “What about raking leaves again? I liked that.”
“You can grab a rake if you want. I still think there are some leaves on the ground out there.”
“Pass,” he said, and you got the feeling he didn’t actually want solutions and just wanted to complain.
Across the room, the doors abruptly opened and a familiar white V-neck and beanie crossed the room, looking determined. He wore his usual relaxed jeans and Birkenstocks. The cut of his V-neck highlighted the cross necklace that dangled between his collar bones.
“Hey,” you said once he made a beeline over to you. “What brings you here?”
“I can’t find my pedal. Have you seen it?”
“No, but I can help you look.”
“That would be great, thanks,” he said and brushed past Nick and Noah without acknowledging them on his way to the stage. Which was a bit odd, in your opinion.
“Um,” you said, trying to diffuse the weirdness, “okay, so Noah, just keep doing what you’re doing, and Nick, try to find something productive to do if you can.” You could tell by their faces that they were both interested in who this standoffish newcomer was, but you decided that was best kept secret.
“It’s orange, right?” you asked Isaac, peering behind the keyboard and into the mess of wires connecting all the different instruments and auxiliary parts to the monitors.
“Yeah,” he said, scoping out the room. He didn’t seem to be searching all that hard. “So how’s community service going?”
“Good,” you said. “We’re making good progress.”
“They’re behaving for you?” he asked.
“Most of the time, yes.”
“The one looks like trouble,” he said, nodding over towards Noah. You knew what was going through his head. At first, Noah’s tattoos and cold disposition intimidated you, too. But for some reason, that same judgement bothered you more coming from Isaac.
Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Noah watching.
“You should be careful around them.” Isaac wasn’t bothering to monitor his volume, and you were sure both Noah and Nick could hear him. “They’re bad influences.”
“That seems pretty judgmental,” you said, crossing your arms, the search for his pedal all but forgotten.
Isaac rolled his eyes. “Come on, they’re criminals. You saw what they did to the worship center.”
“How’s it going over here?” Noah’s voice broke through the conversation. You hadn’t noticed his approach and it caught you by surprise.
“Good,” you said.
“Awesome. I’m Noah,” he said, extending his hand toward Isaac, who took note of all the ink covering it. Your throat tightened, already knowing the interaction was about to go poorly.
“Isaac,” he said, grabbing Noah’s hand and giving him a once-over. Noah had at least a good four inches of height over him and Isaac seemed to take his existence as a threat.
“Nice to meet you, Isaac.”
Noah’s face didn’t betray him, but you knew in your gut that he was putting two-and-two together based on the story you’d told him last week.
“Who is this?” said Nick, striding up to join the conversation. You bit the inside of your cheek. Your mediation skills were good, but you weren’t sure if you could fend off any potential conflict given how strong the three personalities before you were.
You bit the bullet and introduced them.
“Nick,” you said, forcing a polite smile, “this is Isaac. He plays guitar for the praise and worship band.”
You saw the slow realization dawn on him like a wave crossing over his features. His eyebrows lifted up towards his forehead, eyes widened, and mouth dropped open in that order before he composed himself.
“Isaac,” he said, grabbing the man’s hand and shaking it firmly. “Congrats, man. Wow, playing guitar for the worship band. That’s a great position. Really prestigious.” You could tell he was absolutely tickled by the opportunity to scope out the man he’d called a coward a week ago.
“Thanks,” said Isaac flatly, catching on to the fact that Nick was not actually impressed.
“Noah,” you said. “Why don’t you take Nick and get him started on raking? Once you’ve finished, you can dust.” Noah, to his credit, nodded and did his best to direct his friend towards the back of the facility.
“Anything for you, Mary,” Nick said softly, sly grin playing on the corner of his mouth.
“Mary?” asked Isaac.
“I’ll tell you later,” you said walking down the steps of the small stage. “Hey, I actually need to get back to overseeing this. I’ll catch up with you later? Hope you find your pedal.” You knew your words were coming out anxious and rushed, but you were desperate for this interaction to end.
“See you at church tomorrow?” he asked.
“Absolutely.”
“You know, I might join you guys,” called Nick as he was led away from the stage and into the hallway. “I’ve been thinking about giving my life to Christ!” he managed to spit out just before the door slammed shut.
You and Isaac fell into a tense silence. You focused on breathing in slowly through your nose, hoping to dispel some of the unease.
“So that’s who you’re spending your Saturdays with,” he said. It was an observation as well as a judgement, rather than a question.
“I know they’re not exactly the best company to keep,” you admitted. “But I think this is important for them.”
“I don’t like it,” he said, crossing his arms. “I’m gonna talk to your dad and see if he’ll let me take over.”
“No!” you said in a rush.
“Why not?” he asked.
“I just feel like you wouldn’t mesh well. They’d be too threatened by your,” you searched your brain to come up with a word that would suffice, “…masculinity.”
It felt gross coming out, but did the trick.
“Hm. Yeah, I could see how that might be a problem,” he said, immediately surrendering. It was a struggle not to roll your eyes.
“Listen, I think you better come back later for your pedal,” you said. “I know it doesn’t look good, but I have it under control. I need you to trust me.”
He looked at you warily. “You sure? You’re not going to be influenced?”
“Do you really think so little of me?”
“No,” he said. “I just…care about you is all.”
There was that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach again. Two weeks ago, hearing those words would have thrilled you. Why was it that they came as soon as your interest in him had begun to wane?
“Thank you,” you said. “But I’ve got this.”
He gave you one final nod of agreement before heading out the side door. Once he was gone, you sighed and sunk down to sit on the steps leading up to the stage. A moment later, Noah padded back into the room. He sat down next to you wordlessly and joined you in staring at the ground.
“So that’s Isaac,” you said eventually.
“Well, he seems great,” said Noah with mock enthusiasm. You glanced over at him and caught the cheeky grin he flashed. The tension diffused and you smiled back at him, soft laughter escaping.
“Sorry about Nick,” he said. “He can be a real jerk sometimes.”
“Sorry about Isaac,” you replied. “He can be closed-minded.”
He huffed in agreement. “I’m familiar with his type.”
“Did you run into that at your old church?” you asked. He leaned back so he could rest his upper body on the stage platform, long legs stretched out over the steps, tucking his palms underneath his head. On their own accord, your eyes scanned over his chest and triceps. If he caught you, he didn’t say anything.
“You could say that.”
“Noah,” you asked, watching him watch the ceiling above him. “Why did you leave the church?”
“You really want to know?” he asked, taking a break from staring at the light fixtures to meet your eyes. You nodded. He smirked to himself and went back to looking at the lights.
“They told me I couldn’t masturbate.”
You felt your jaw drop in real time.
“What?!” you said.
Soft laughter escaped from him. “I’m kidding. I mean, it was definitely one of the reasons, but that was the final straw for me.”
You said nothing, still in shock from his admission.
“This is why I wasn’t going to tell you,” he said. “I knew you’d be scandalized.”
“Just give me a second,” you said. “This is new territory for me.”
“They don’t talk much about that in Sunday School, I’m guessing?”
You swallowed thickly, mouth suddenly dry. “Not really.”
He laughed again. “That doesn’t surprise me. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.” He turned to face you. “The church is full of shit, and they don’t know anything about what it means to live a good life. Especially when it comes to that kind of stuff.”
“What do you mean?” you asked.
He sat up again. “I mean that they fuck a lot of people up without even realizing it. They talk about sex like it’s a bad thing that you should be ashamed of for wanting and try to make you feel awful about exploring you own body. Do you know what kinds of complexes that gives to a person? No wonder there’s so much sexual abuse happening in the church.”
“I think you lost me,” you said.
Noah sighed and collected himself. “Nobody should be made to feel ashamed of their own humanity. Or their body’s natural sexual response. When I was fourteen, my grandma caught me masturbating and sent me to confessional. I told the priest about it, and he called me a sinner and said I should never do it again. My grandma gave me all this shit about it being unclean and how I should be ashamed of myself for how little self-control I had.”
“Oh,” you said.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I was just a kid. I was going through puberty,” he said, emotion creeping into his voice. “I was discovering my body—something that’s normal and healthy for a kid of that age—and was made to feel like I was some kind of sick pervert for it. And I believed them at first, until it got to be too much.”
“What happened?” you asked.
“I met my friend Ruffilo. He hadn’t been raised in a church, and didn’t have any shame over his sexuality. And then I got tired of hating myself. Figured it was better for me to just hate the church instead. I moved out of my grandparents’ and in with Nick.”
“That Nick?” you gestured out the door to where the man in question was supposed to be raking leaves.
He shook his head. “Different Nick. Nick Ruffilo. That’s Nick Folio. Met him later.”
“Sounds confusing,” you said.
“It can be.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” you said.
“I know it probably sounds silly to you, but it really fucked me up for a while.”
“It’s not silly.” You were unable to form a more sophisticated thought. Your brain was working on overdrive trying to process the information.
Unbeknownst to him, Noah’s story was eerily similar to your own, but you were still stuck in the guilt and shame, and it had never occurred to you that there might be something on the other side of that.
You’d masturbated before, but not much. And every time it had happened, you broke down in tears, asking God to forgive you because you were afraid you’d either be sent to hell, or God would punish you some other way for your lack of self-control, like not having a chance with Isaac.
The idea that you might not be a terrible and perverted person for having done it was new to you. And that it was something other people had trouble controlling as well. You just assumed you were uniquely bad.
“There was a lot more that went into me leaving the church, but that was the nail in the coffin. I’d been on my way out for a while before then.”
“I guess that explains some of your anger,” you said, wanting to ask him more about what happened, but not wanting to press him too much. He was still a private person, and you were lucky to have gotten that much out of him.
“What I can’t understand is how I seem to be the only one who’s angry.”
“I don’t think you’re the only one,” you said, suddenly noticing how you and Noah seemed to have grown closer in proximity.
“You’re not angry,” he observed.
“I,” you began, “I don’t know what I feel.”
“What’s your take on it?” he asked.
You swallowed heavy, a hard lump having formed in your throat. Your hands were clammier than they had been earlier.
“I don’t know,” you said, wishing the stage would open up and swallow you whole so you could escape the very intense look Noah gave you.
“If you want me to have these uncomfortable conversations about faith, I need you to meet me halfway.”
You groaned in protest, but he had you cornered and you both knew it.
Even still, it took you a few tense moments before you could finally speak.
“I have a lot of shame,” you eventually confessed. “And up until this conversation I assumed it was deserved. But now I’m starting to question it.”
“Have you ever—?”
You nodded before he could finish his question. “I have. But each time was difficult for me to accept.”
You paused to give him an opportunity to respond, but he stayed quietly attentive, waiting for you to continue.
“I…thought God would punish me.”
“Punish you how?”
“I don’t want to say,” you said, flushing.
“Come on,” he said. “I’m not going judge.”
“You will when I tell you,” you said. The energy around the both of you had at last shifted to playful again, which was a breath of fresh air after how charged the last few minutes had been.
“Is it really that bad?”
You nodded.
“Please?” he asked. “I told you my secret.”
“I already paid you back for that,” you said.
He groaned and threw his head back. “Come on!”
Something about seeing this heavily-tattooed grown man acting like an impatient little puppy had you softening, and though you knew he probably used this tactic often to get what he wanted, you couldn’t help but give in.
“Promise you won’t judge?”
He nodded, a tendril of hair slipping out from behind his ear to swoop over his face.
You sighed, locking eyes with him once more for confirmation that he was serious.
“I thought that if I was a good enough Christian, God would reward me by…directing a certain person towards me.”
His face lit up with slow realization.
“That dude?” he said.
You nodded.
He laughed a deep belly laugh.
“So you thought that if you didn’t masturbate, you’d be able to date Isaac?”
“You said you wouldn’t judge!” you whined.
“You were right, you definitely shouldn’t have told me.”
You hung your head, pressing your face into your palms to quell your embarrassment.
“I thought it was a good idea at the time,” you said, voice coming out muffled. “I guess it sounds kind of silly when I say it out loud.”
“Okay,” he prefaced, voice vibrating with the remnants of laughter. “Calm down. I’m not judging you for having thought that. It makes a lot of sense considering the messaging you received. But that guy? Really?”
You looked up finally to meet his eye. His mouth still held the hint of a smile, but there was more sincerity in his eyes than there had been before.
“In my defense, the pickings are slim in the church.”
“You can do better than him.”
Noah swished his hair out of his face and your eyes followed the motion, taking in his body language. He leaned casually forward, resting his elbows on his knees, body half-turned toward you. When the moment grew too heavy, he leaned back against the stage again and switched from looking at you to staring at the back of the room.
“You shouldn’t be so ruled by fear,” he said.
You released a large breath. “You’re probably right.”
“Do you want some advice?” he asked.
“I suppose.”
“Masturbate. Do it without the guilt. Do it as a gift to yourself for having tried so hard for so long to be perfect. Treat it like something you deserve. A way to show yourself love.”
You sighed and laid back on the steps, kicking your feet out in front of you. “I don’t know. It’s been so long I feel like I’ve lost touch with that part of myself.”
“So find it.”
You half-scoffed. “That sounds great and all, but I don’t think it’ll be that easy to undo years of guilt and shame. And I don’t even know if I trust what you’re saying. You could just be trying to corrupt me.”
“Oh, I’m definitely trying to corrupt you,” he said. “But not for any hidden agenda. Just because I feel like you could use a little corrupting.”
You looked up at Noah. He half leaned over you, long hair tied back into a low knot that spilled over his shoulder. From where you lay, you could smell essential oil and some sort of incense that you couldn’t quite place.
He held eye contact with you until your eyes traveled down his face to his lips, which pressed together as he swallowed and then parted softly.
“Ehem.”
The sound came from the back of the room, where Nick was leaning on his rake and watching with unconcealed judgement.
“I’m done with raking.”
You and Noah jerked apart, both sitting up and avoiding looking at each other. Noah ran his hands over his thighs, straightening the legs of his jeans. You stood up and walked down the steps towards the back.
“Okay. It looks like it’s almost noon anyway, so why don’t we call it quits for today? Good job, guys. I’ll see you next week.”
Noah hesitated for a moment, but then bid you goodbye and walked out with Nick, who clapped him on the shoulder and muttered something to him that you didn’t catch.
____________
“You motherfucker,” said Nick. It came out friendly, but Noah caught a hidden bite in the hard consonants. “You said you weren’t going to try with her.”
“It wasn’t what it looked like,” Noah said. “We were just talking.”
“About what?” said Nick.
“Church, if you must know.”
“Yeah, it looked like you were getting real deep into religion from where I was standing.” Nick crossed his arms and fixed Noah with a hard stare that Noah didn’t have the bravado to return.
“Dude. I called dibs. How can you not respect the sanctity of dibs?”
Noah rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t work for human beings.”
“It has in the past. Remember Steph?”
“You mean Stacy?” Noah said with a raised eyebrow.
“Sure. You called dibs on her and I respected it.”
Noah felt cornered. He didn’t want to be a hypocrite to his friend, because Nick was right. Noah had done that in the past, and it wasn’t even that long ago, but this felt different. It didn’t sit well with him to treat you like an object. His opinion had changed in a way his friends wouldn’t appreciate, and if he brought it up, they would just say he was only taking the moral high ground to get out of their deal.
“What will it take to get you to drop this?” Noah asked.
“Join in on the bet.”
“I’m not betting someone’s virginity.”
“I’m gonna try to get it regardless, so you can either join in, or you can respect the dibs.”
“Whatever man,” said Noah, having run out of legitimate responses or ways to end this conversation. He stalked off towards his room. “I’m taking that as a yes,” Nick said to the back of Noah’s head.
“It’s not a yes!” called Noah, already halfway down the hallway.
“Sounds like a yes to me.”
“Let me know when you’ve got your head out of your ass,” Noah replied before slamming the door shut.
Once in the privacy of his room, Noah sank down onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. It was becoming a regular pastime of his at this point. His thoughts drifted to you and how innocent and doe-eyed you looked staring up at him, regretting that he didn’t kiss you.
He understood the appeal Nick saw. There was no denying how badly you needed it, and how much he wanted to be the one to give it to you.
But you weren’t ready, and he knew it. If he tried anything now, you’d probably have a panic attack about going to hell and he’d have to walk you through it. He didn’t know if he had the emotional capacity to do that, and Nick sure as hell didn’t.
Besides, he had other ways of getting his needs met. There was no shortage of women hitting him up throughout the week, and he could have his pick of any of them if he wanted.
So why hadn’t he returned their texts?
He rolled over onto his stomach, pressing his face into the pillow, and thought about his old church for the first time in ages.
There was a time when he truly believed. He was an active part of the youth group. Went to Sunday school every week. Participated in vacation bible school and church summer camp. Sung his heart out during hymns hoping God would hear him and be pleased. He’d felt so sure of his beliefs.
Now it was so different. He didn’t know what he believed. Wasn’t sure if he even believed in anything at all, except for the fact that man was inherently evil at heart, and if there was a god, he was an asshole for allowing all that evil to take place.
No. He didn’t even believe that. Because there was no way you were inherently evil. You were driven by a deep desire to do good and help the people around you.
So what did he believe, then? He had no idea, but he wished he did. He knew he didn’t believe in the Christian god he’d been taught to follow. There was so much wrong with it. At times he found himself wishing he could believe, but what was once blind faith had long since been replaced with blind rage he couldn’t seem to let go of, no matter what he did.
Growing tired of his room, he huffed and hoisted himself up off his bed. There was only one place where he could truly work through these feelings—his studio.
___________
The studio was very much a makeshift thing. It was set up in an old storage shed in the back yard of Jolly’s house. Noah had spent hours soundproofing and insulating the place. A small space heater in the corner was the only source of warmth, but he didn’t care. When he was inside the studio, nothing could touch him.
He sat in front of his keyboard and allowed his fingers to gloss over the keys. When they found where they wanted to go, he pressed them into the instrument, fingers striking a familiar chord. He moved them over to the next chord. Then the next. And the next. A somber chord progression broke out without him directing it. Noah let his mind relax as his hands took over and he was no longer a person, just a vessel through which music played itself.
He liked you.
His right hand began playing a soft melody while the left kept up with the chord progression.
It’s been a long time since he had liked someone in any significant way. He was used to people disappointing him.
The volume grew louder, soft notes giving way to an intense, heavy rhythm.
He wanted to protect you from Nick. From others who would see your goodness and try to bring you down to their level. Or use you for their own gain, but he knew it wasn’t his place to get involved. That you were your own person and could make decisions for yourself.
The tempo increased, melody full and moody, with an uncomfortable dissonance that longed to be resolved.
Throughout your life, other people had undoubtedly been making decisions for you. Telling you what to think. What to believe. Who you could spend your time with. The last thing he wanted was to join the ranks of people thinking they knew what was best for you.
His hands violently struck a suspended chord, allowing it to reverberate throughout the room for several beats, before his fingers went back to playing the somber melody from earlier. This time, slower paced and softer.
You were so vulnerable. Your willpower untested, and you had no experience to go on. It would have been so easy for him to take you, right then and there on the stage of the worship center. He could see it in your eyes how badly you wanted it.
His fingers slowed, allowing the melody to come to a close all on its own. He held out the final chord for as long as it would make sound, before switching off the power and leaning back into his chair.
Perhaps he wasn’t giving you enough credit. You had a good head on your shoulders, and seemed to know yourself. You weren’t afraid to question things when they didn’t feel right or genuine, and you saw through a lot of the bullshit that the church had tried to teach you (though your judgement was questionable when it came to taste in men and your own sexuality).
He heaved a sigh. Maybe he was being overprotective. There was nothing that he could say or do to stop Nick from pursuing you. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to encourage you to enforce boundaries and learn to recognize when people had ulterior motives. After that, he just had to trust you to make your own decisions.
He could live with that.
He switched the power on the keyboard back on, connecting it to his laptop and opened up the familiar program. He pressed the record button and began playing the chord progression again, hoping he could at least get a good song out of this.
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