NOT Dib Slander Actually - Tumblr Posts
Oh YEAH, this too that should have gone on the diagram- when it comes to what to bring to the arena with these knuckleheads it is overkill or nothing.
We’re not going home so we’re going BIG and by god we are going DIY. Crucial difference between when they’re actually fighting for their primary goal vs doing it for the fun of their rivalry. Dib’s magazine gadgets are actually hella useful under the correct circumstance, and Zim does make extremely practical modifications to his personal tech (and fails with GIR through very little fault of his own).
But it’s not really the fate of the Earth that’s at stake when it’s time for prank wars gone awry and school showdowns. No matter what either of them claim, it’s a whole different ballgame when the stakes are actually ego. The muffin throw, the Bologna virus, The Food Fight, and The Wettening were not even really scuffles to the death if you take notice. Those battles were about both of them each trying to send a message to the other in one long-going argument. Zim’s is a statement about the inherent supremacy of his species, and Dib’s is a middle finger that shouts not to underestimate humans so quickly. You ever listen to “Impress Your Creators” by Tub Ring?? The ending part of that song is Dib’s entire spirit captured in words.
If a knife fight is on the schedule, Dib’s turning up with something that looks like a scrapped Micheal Reeves/StyroPyro project, and Zim is arriving with a nuclear freaking warhead. You can’t point out Dib’s ballon launcher and forget to mention the hell of a near-planet-destroying clapback it was followed up with. When you fuck around and goad a maniac from a type III civilization (Kardashev Scale) into a contest, you get to find out real fast.
What I love about it so much is that even if Dib’s kinda fighting an impossible battle here even with access to Membrane Labs level tech, he actually is unintentionally helping the Earth whenever this happens. One of Zim’s biggest hurdles when it comes to being an invader is having a one track mind combined with absolutely no ability to prioritize. Imagine the sort of devastation the resources that went into that ocean-filled water balloon could have caused if utilized smartly. How much time did he waste creating and curing the bologna pathogen, piloting a nano-sub to keep himself from being exposed, or running that matrix simulation on dib? Dark Harvest? Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy? Room with a Moose? All of that and more was time that could have been spent on his actual assignment. Having Dib around may motivate him to keep his post up, but think about how many whole episodes have also been him completely distracted with Dib-related side quests instead of focused on world domination. Am I the only one compelled to read a little too much into Duty-Mode GIR’s assessment of a simulated Dib as so unthreatening to their operation that he doesn’t warrant serious attention even in training?
But deep down it doesn’t have to be fate of the world level serious. This is honestly the most fun Zim and Dib ever have in their respective “missions” out of every other approach. No one else to save or destroy, just two rivals beating their chest and showing off their skills to the only other being alive that actually sees them and their hard work. This is less the Goku Vs Frieza type of enemy-ship and more the kind you see between Goku and Vegata or.. opposing Pokémon trainers.
Honest truth, with every episode of this messed up show I finish rewatching I’m more are more sure that Dib is just as incompetent and short-sighted when it comes to his “mission” as Zim is. But it’s so funny to me that while Zim just makes bad plans, has awful priorities, and improvises a lot by the seat of his pants, Dib’s incompetent in the classical bumbling villain sense. Like, he’s doing the right thing, he generally has clever approaches and insights, makes full use of his resources, yet,
He’s still aesthetically and narratively such an antihero, the poor dweeb.
Observe, my magnificent Venn diagram
Only thing I didn’t want to tack on that because it bears worth of some more elaboration: Both of these two are horrible about recklessly arming their nemesis with tons of free information and striking opportunity that can only be used against them.
And Dib is worse at this, like, so… so much worse. Zim will do the classic ‘Muahahaha, now that I have you right where I want you, here’s a detailed presentation of my entire insidious plan, Batman!’ routine while at least having the class to wait until the hero is being lowered over the acid vat or tied to the train tracks. Dib, as a villain? Would start reciting that same speech while in the middle of trying to kidnap the hero, about 3 and a half steps way too early. It’s actually crazy how fast he will telegraph his next move even when he’s not in a position of having a real advantage yet.
The first time the two met and Dib stood there loudly showing himself as the most perceptive and hostile human in range? And then stood there explaining alien sleep cuffs and what he was going to do with them? And then stood there declaring war and that he’d identified Zim’s base location, swinging said cuffs around in front of the gnome brigade? Granted, he wasn’t aware of Zim’s security at the time, but the essence of that sequence was a pattern that he was more than happy to keep repeating for the next couple seasons.
Also, Zim’s brutalism, while it went to some shudder inducing places, is more expected from a genocidal maniac born from a race of colonial supremacists. It’s part of his theatrics and it’s fun for him in the same way it’s fun for his leaders to blow up innocent ice cream space-trucks and unlucky planets. Dib gets mean with their face offs in a way that’s just dripping with spite. All the time spite. Trivial, personal, petulant spite. Even more than Tak and her grudge, which, should be a lot more surprising to me. But it’s really not.
What it did do instead was remind me of a very interesting quote I once heard, from a Cracked video about online gaming behavior, of all places,
