Nova's Submission - Tumblr Posts

This was a submission that I made to the @yourplayersaidwhat blog.

How to Escape a Blood Sacrifice

Context:

Our group was sailing a ship, and after getting attacked by a bunch of Invisible Stalkers (which we all lost to), our ship sunk. Now, we were split up, with the Aasimar Monk and the Tiefling Rogue (Me) being used in a blood sacrifice to revive a Bone Naga (we found out about the Bone Naga part at the end of the session), while the Dragonborn Barbarian and the Aarakocra (I don’t know his class, he’s an NPC) had to dodge past a bunch of guards. We’ll be focusing on the blood sacrifice.

Rogue (after the Monk accidently pressed a button that made the chains that they were bound to bind them tighter, alerting the guard):

Nice going, [monk’s name]!

Monk:

But I didn’t even know that the button would do that!

Guard (getting fed up):

Be quiet. We eventually found out that the guard had keys on his belt, and we reached the conclusion (with the DM’s help) that one of us should try to annoy the guard, while the other tries to steal the keys. The Monk, with the higher sleight of hand, decided to steal the keys, while I had to annoy the guard. First, the Monk wanted to annoy the guard by quoting a meme.

Monk:

Every sixty seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

Guard:

Shut up.

DM:

You do know that Africa technically doesn’t exist in D&D, right? So the fact that your character made up a fictional continent to distract the guard is pretty impressive. Now that we got the guard’s attention again, we put our plan into motion.

Me:

I’m going to read the Bee Movie Script.

Barbarian’s Player:

What?

Monk’s Player:

*laughing*

DM:

You’re actually gonna do it?

Me:

Yup. I pulled up the Bee Movie script online, and began to read from it, as if my character was saying it.

Everyone:

She’s gonna do it (or some variation of that while laughing)!

Rogue (not knowing where she’s getting this stuff from, and saying it while giggling):

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little…Hallelujah! (I spoke until the Hallelujah! line)

Guard (absolutely tired of both of us):

ENOUGH! (He then stuffs dirty rags into the Monk’s and the Rogue’s mouths) While stuffing my mouth, he has his back towards the Monk, who was able to get the keys. When he wasn’t looking, she freed herself, and tried to free me. Since I kept rolling low rolls, I got the attention of a bunch of guards. When I finally freed myself, we made a run for it, not knowing that we could’ve been used in a blood sacrifice.