Own Poetry - Tumblr Posts

loss

i'm teetering on the edge

of loss

the claw marks

from my desperation

are growing

as it all slips further away

the pressure in my head

from my tears

is growing

as i continue to sob uncontrollably

the exhaustion

from it all

is growing, and creeping up on me

as i run from it as fast as my legs will carry me

soon i will fall

off the edge

and lose it all

-i

The night is long

the night is long

and i am stuck

slowly wandering

down the dark corridors

of my mind

-i

love

love doesn't have to be romantic

my greatest love is platonic

default is familial

least known to me is romantic

chosen family love is so strong

platonic and familial hand in hand

it completely envelopes you

when you're with them.

they are everything.

-i

(dedicated to my friends who know nothing of this account, i love you guys.)

untitled

my soul is wearing thin in places

like a pair of well worn socks

-i

the reaper

even though the reaper is depicted as cold and grim,

his embrace tempts me daily

his outstretched arms call me kindly

he smiles softly

he waits patiently

i shouldn't keep him waiting

but i will for now

-i

melancholic mind

it's quiet in my mind

melancholic and calm

the waters

are lapping softly

on the shores

the waves

are no more than ripples

on the surface of my thoughts

a sombre navy blue

moonlight hits it gently

highlighting the peaks

and enveloping

my tired limp body

it coats my pale cheeks

and blue lips

it caresses

my collarbones

and ribs

the touch of moonlight

reminds me of you

it is so delicate

and careful

-i

love hungry mongrel

love hungry mongrel

you crave a morsel of affection

a crumb of comfort

a slither of soft warm touch

you yearn to be held

rubbing your ears raw

on concrete corners

cast out in the cold

your bones chatter

and your teeth shake

you envy those around you

the ones who are cradled

they have it all

you wish you had what they have

-i

-i

reality

reality is slipping through my fingers

like a hydrophobic yet viscous liquid

slippery and thick, sliding uncontrollably

past my desperate grasp

-i

Moonlight trickling across the water

Painting moonbeams through my hair

So peaceful and quiet.

~

How lucky am I to call the moon friend

And behold her majestic beauty.

~

She's not gaudy or vain

Just quiet and plain

I love her for it

Steady and true.

~

I look up at the sky

With tears in my eyes

And I hear her whisper

Moonchild and my pain calms.

~

I seek the moon and the moon seeks me

Quiet sojourners in search of truth in the stars.

~

Moonlight trickling across the water...

Hearts aren’t meant to be broken

They’re made to be loved and treasured

Yet others seem to find joy in wrecking

The simple yet complex organ that is

The human heart. 

I hate the silence

The silence in my mind

The echo of thoughts

Speaking everything my lips won’t. 

~ 

I hate the empty

I hate the cold

I hate the numbness

Spreading throughout

My bones. 

~ 

Silence

It scares me...

She is a tornado swiftly whirling 

Stirring up a storm 

Refusing to be labeled

She is a best from out of norm. 

~

She is wild in her love

Peaceful in her nature

And her heart is a garden

Full of uncharted adventure. 

~

She knows no limits to what she can do

She is a free spirit and creative too

For she loves all things glitter and cookies and blue.

She is a tornado swiftly whirling

With diamonds in her eyes

Mind far away lost up in clouds across the sky. 

~ 

Beauty is her hands

Short nails bit down to skin

Anxiety her demon

She carries on above the din.

~

She is a tornado swiftly whirling….

A thousand stars to colour the night

A thousand stars to hold you tight

To make you feel safe despite the fight

Look up child, the sky is bright.

~

You'll never walk alone if there are stars

They will guide you home to the light

Home to the heart that you left at the door

Home to the person you were before.

~

A thousand stars to colour the night

A thousand ways God holds you tight

I wish I may

I wish I might

Tell me what do you see tonight?

I feel alone is a roomful of people who are supposed to know my name

Who am I? What am I? A ghost watching as they run past me

On with their lives, leaving me behind, I want them to stay but 

I’m too afraid to reach out, grab a hand, hold it like my lifeline 

And ask for just a chance, a moment of their time, for help. 

~

Alone in a roomful of people supposed to know my name

I can’t breathe, stuttering sounds, and I know I won’t last long

Anxiety so thick I can’t see and I’m lonely amongst the very people 

I’m not supposed to feel alone with but still the kindest of words feel cruel.

~ 

It’s bubbling up through my pores

I can’t keep doing this--I’m going crazy

Pretending I’m okay when really I’m breaking. 

~ 

Please don’t hate me

Please don’t make me tell you everything

Just let me cry on your shoulder in silence

Hold me tight and don’t let go. 

~ 

I’m alone…

I’m alone…

Please don’t let me go…

I’m drowning...please hold me. 

~ 

Show me

Show me

Show me I’m not as alone as I feel. 

~ 

All I want is a moment

Just a moment where 

“How are you?” isn’t just a pleasantry

Echoing empty concern but actually held 

Warmth and comforting hope wrapping around 

My fragile frame, whispering that it’s gonna be okay.

~ 

I just want a moment…

Just a moment...show me your heart

Show me your love...please don't let me fall. 

Hold me.

Insomnia

Sit in silence long enough

You'll hear my heart go

Thump thump thump

Hear my breath whisk across pale lips

And the cacophony of voices

That have taken up residence in my head.

~

Chatter, chatter, chatter

My mind won't turn off

It's too loud but at the same time too soft.

~

I twist and I turn

I scream and I shout

Looking for a way out.

~

The clock just hit midnight

My skin feels too hot

My bones are like lead

And I just want to rot.

~

Go to sleep

Go to sleep

But insomnia haunts

It pinches and tickles

Annoying my brain

Get up get up time to greet the day!

But it's midnight and I haven't

Sept well in a week.

~ 

Sandy eyes  Dark circles hung suspended in pale cheeks

RIP my sleep.

~

Sit in silence long enough

Don't close your eyes

And don't go to sleep

Sit in silence long enough

You'll finally get why I am me

And you are you.

Beating/ Always beating / My heart steady, fingers trembling with the need to create--to have the whispers of a dream come to life on a blank page in some tangible form / Art...beauty...breath escaping lungs as I finally come up for air / This is living...or maybe it's pouring myself out so that I can stand to live in myself / Or maybe...it's being...or nothing at all / Maybe it's words, nonsensically parading down a document / Or maybe--it's me. Beating / Always beating / My heart gently thudding against bone / Alive. ✨

We were promised it would make us happy

A dazzling future full of dollar signs and predictable endings

Follow the plan...

This is what you should do...

We didn't know any better

We didn't know what to do

Too naive to see that the things they

Wanted for us wasn't at all what we should do.

 ~

It seemed so simple then

Do this...

Date him...

Apply there...

Graduate from here...

Know who to talk to do you get what you want...

But now we're left here scarred by gaping wounds.

 ~

Who are you

And who am I?

Why are we so dead inside?

Living life complacently while

Our hearts slowly turn blue.

~

Stuck now I think that I quit

No, I can't keep doing this

Pretending that I'm happy when

I all want is room...

~

Room to breathe and room to think

Examine all my broken bits

Break me down and gouge the seams

Get back to who I used to be…

~

We were promised it would make  us happy

But now we have to suck the poison from a raging wound

And taste the bitter monologue of words too heavy to admit

The venom of the world's facade.

~

Happy...maybe not now but someday.

As time ticks by 

I'm still the master of my domain 

As time ticks by I've learned 

How to numb all the pain. 

~ 

Love is broken for me 

But it wasn't for you 

Three months was all it took 

For you to find someone new. 

~ 

As time ticks by 

I'm slowly losing my grip 

On the kingdom I created 

With walls five feet thick. 

~ 

Don't come any closer

You'll only get hurt

My heart is cement

And my lungs have been burnt. 

~

Try to touch me you’ll see 

It’ll only end in disaster 

The broken pieces of me now

Exposed for light to chase after. 

~ 

As time goes by..

I wonder what it would be like 

To hold you close. 

Love is pain

Cutting like glass

Against pale skin.

~

Love is beauty

Flowers blooming

Colourful amongst brambles.

~

Love is ache

Deep in bones

Ribs used to cage,

Protect, create a home

For the muscle that is the heart.

~

Love is glory

Soft and sweet

Sunlight drifting over skin

Warming the cold dark thoughts within.

~

Love is bloody

Fighting, turmoil A war between mind and soul.

~

Love is hydrangeas

Violets, and petals of daisies

Blocking my airway and silencing my voice.

~

Love is a bomb

Exploding and raw

A reminder that once it goes off

There's no turning back.

~

Love is grass underneath weary feet

Soothing the pain, a balm for the wounds

Of the roads that we've traveled

The soles of our shoes worn thin.

~

Love is bitter like coffee

Beautiful like a rose

Painful like a thorn

And no matter how many times

I try to rip you out like a weed I don't want in my garden,

I can't stop your growth as you take over my heart

Slowly killing me in the process.

~

But that's okay,

Because that was the old me

And this is the new

I want to live now....and not just in mono-blue.

~

I want to live...with you.

~

Love is....