Owning It - Tumblr Posts

Walking out

I feel all eyes on me.

Not in the way I always dreamed

But as if I were a wicked thing.

Some abomination accursed of god

Defiant

Apostate

Resolute before all creation.

I feel scared,

Naked,

Raw,

Some tiny thing in the middle of a field

As the wolves do prowl.

Before,

I'd have run away.

Locked myself in my room

Hiding who I was.

I'd have cried

Loathing how wrong I felt

How off my body was

To the vision I held in hope.

Not now.

Yes I am scared.

Yes

I get nervous

But I don't care any more.

I want to dress how I want to dress

Flaunt the beauty I recognize in me.

Show too much leg

Wear sheer blouses

Take pride in my curves and lack there of.

I want to live and love freely in the open.

Be seen and acknowledged as existing.

I have already spent years hiding from myself.

I'm done giving in and lying down.

.

And each day it gets easier.

Not that the struggle loses its bite.

I just love myself more

Take pride in myself more

And grow steadily more incapable

Of ever settling again

One does not always choose the words one is labelled with.  One can, however, choose to own the words and change the meaning.  I do not see 'Evil Regals' as a negative label because (to me) it means I am able to look beyond the dress and crown and see a person inside.  At my heart I wish to know other people can also look beyond my mask to see [and love/respect/honour] the flawed me inside.  I wish to know that while I may be taught harsh lessons of "[your] love is weakness" I am merely awaiting someone, something, to prove to me love is strength.  As you said, it is not how we are born but what is thrust upon us.

Can we point out that we Evil Regals wear the term evil with pride? All the other fans are labeled, White Knights, Fairests, Charmers, Dearies, Beauties, etc. But the Evil Regals embrace the words like a badge of honor. Perhaps it is because we know that those are wicked/evil, are not born evil but have wickedness thrust upon them.