Please Tell Me What You Think - Tumblr Posts
I feel Nimona put it best.
“Couldnt you just be a girl?”
“Not everyone is as accepting as me”
“Freak!”
“Wouldn’t it just be easier?”
“For who?”
It’s when they’re a good person who just don’t understand.
When they’re a soldier, sheltering a thousand year old teenager, who jus wont accept. Until they see.
Acceptance without understanding
can be much, much worse;
But so much better.
What is acceptance without understanding?
Acceptance without understanding
is fueling a death machine;
without knowing you’re killing.

Question: what is acceptance without understanding?
I’ll try to explain my view in my crooked-past-my-bedtime brain.
I feel like acceptance will barely mean anything of not understood. I don’t know a whole lot, but I been in situations. I feel like I should be grateful that I’m wanted and accepted regardless. They say I’m loved either way. They pretend coming out won’t change a thing and won’t make and impact.
But really, it feels like I’m stuck in a void. I can’t be sad or angry or smad because at least they don’t care. At least they still want me. At least they won’t change. Right?
I feel stuck in a place between rejected and understood called Accepted. It sounds great and all i could ever ask for but it isn’t. How can they want me without wanting to know what— WHO I am? How could they say such inconsiderate things without knowing it hurts? Why would they shame all I stand for and cover it with ‘tradition’? And how, after all their love and embrace, can I still feel so scared? Like instead of in it, I’ve been trapped in the closet? Like despite being seen, feeling so watched? Observed? But never discovered?
I can’t talk about my favourite shows without “it shouldn’t be regularized, in my opinion” “how will humanity repopulate?” “Why is this being encouraged in kids shows”.
I can’t freely listen to music about LGBT without wearing headphones out of shear fear. My uncle is gay. Surely that would’ve made it easier. “You’re too young” “I also thought I liked girls” “Most bisexuals I know grew up to be Lesbian or Gay or Pan or nanana… I don’t remember.
Rejection is neglection. “No son of mine” “No daughter of mine” “Not under my roof”
Understanding is embracing. Pride parades. References. Shows. Community. Flags. Open conversations.
Acceptence feels like the in-between. “You’re still my daughter” “We still love you” We’re still on talking terms. Day in day out like it never happened.
BUT
“It’s not how the human biology works” “Souldnt be exposed or regularized for children.” “The bible.” “God.” “Not fit for society.” “Too young to know.” I have to hide my pride. Out of fear. I have to avoid LGBTQIA+ merch. Out of fear. I have to smile and nod when they reach a homophobic level. Out. Of. Fear.
Because you know what? I thought it would be chill.
I thought they would be chill.
I thought I could bring home a girl some day and not have to call her my friend.
I thought I could hang out with Non-binary folks without having to explain to transphobes rather than curious ally’s who didn’t have learning resources to this kinda thing. Because. I. Did.
I thought gay uncle being loved and his ex husband being invited over for a family greeting would mean “Hey! My family is full of ally’s!”
But no.
My family just chose to ignore that side of them. That side of me.
I am grateful toward the ones that understood. That loves not because I’m their friend, or sister, or daughter. But me cause I’m me.
I’m grateful to the “You’re gay!? Oh my god! Please tell me about you! I wanna hear all your coming out stories” with stars in their eyes
I’m grateful to the “Oh my god! You like ____!? So you’re bi!? KABDISBSIDB”
I’m grateful to the “So… you’re gay?” With no judgement
And to the
“You’re Not straight? Cool” 🤜🏽🤛🏼
Not to forget the adults who stepped in when my parents wouldn’t. Who explained to me how it’s gonna be an adventure. How it might change, it might not.
I feel grateful from my love.
I feel obligation to be grateful to the
“How does that make sense”
“Ahahahaha! Wait.. you’re not kidding?”
“Imagine two guys sucking each others dicks, does that makes sense to you” (I almost vomited hearing this one)
“Why?”
This love comes from guilt. Not actual happiness.
But hey, at least I still got food on the table, right?
Okay so, idk about yall butttttttt i absolutely love this scene I've written:
“I haven’t done this since I was little!” I yell over the rain.
“I don’t think I’ve ever actually done this!” he shouts back.
I stop.
Percy stops.
I stare at him, mouth open.
He stares at me, openly confused. “What?” he asks.
“You- you’ve never… danced in the rain?”
He shakes his head and drops my hand to push his hair out of his eyes. “I don’t even dance, Lula.”
“Never?”
Another shake of the head. “Never ever.”
“How do you live with yourself?” I huff.
“Miserably,” he assures me.
I nod, satisfied. He retakes my hand to twirl me around. I can’t help it, I giggle.
He pulls me close and our dance shifts and his hands are on my waist and mine around his neck. Water is plastering his hair to his face and he’s staring at me. “Why are you laughing?” he asks.
“No reason,” I say (unconvincingly).
“Liar.” Man, he’s good.
“I’ve never been twirled before, it was fun,” I admit.
He smiles and my stomach does cartwheels. I find myself staring at his lips and when I drag my eyes back to his, he’s staring at my lips. His face moves closer to mine until his lips are hovering over mine. “Is this okay?” he whispers, voice barely audible over the sound of the rain.
“Yes,” I murmur.
He brings his hand to my jaw and brushes his lips to mine, almost testing the waters. Unsure.
I meet him and the uncertainty disappears. He kisses me with more fervor and everything around us disappears. I forget about the pouring rain and the sounds of the city surrounding us.
A loud clap of thunder that rattles windows rings out, making us jump.
We look at each other, both of us at a loss for words. That was the first time we’ve kissed each other with no witnesses, no fake dating to promote.