Pushover - Tumblr Posts
shades of wrong (m)
REPOSTED FROM MY OLD BLOG
for @gukyi because I made a promise.
Summary | In which you’re sure you’ll hate Park Jimin with every fiber of your being for the rest of your existence, even after he is assigned as your tutor for History of Magic.
pairing: jimin/reader genre: fluff/smut; harry potter au word count: 17.321
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No matter how hard you try, it seems as if you are always bested by Park Jimin in every aspect of life: from Quidditch to school to class popularity.
And you absolutely despise him for it.
Granted, it’s probably because he’s always simply excelled in everything while you could only manage the minimum requirement for things outside of the sport you’ve grown to be so passionate about—but that’s only deepened your dislike for the boy. It’s been like this since the pair of you were children, a rivalry already planted between you even before you knew what the term meant. Truthfully, it was pretty much written in the stars that you would develop some deep-rooted grudge against Jimin, for he was organized into Slytherin while you were put in the fiery red and gold of Gryffindor.
Beyond the clashing Houses that have officially formed your backgrounds, it doesn’t help that the boy has seemed to uphold a particular interest in doing whatever he could to see you fidget or watch you squirm or just catch you at your worst moments—although you humor yourself on the idea that these unfortunate incidents occur to you because of Park Jimin’s constant hovering. It’s a habit that’s grown since the first week of your admission into Hogwarts, in which your big mouth scored you your first detention with the infamous Professor Snape.
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Everytime I am in an about to date/relationship stage, and I ask the other person, what they like the most about me, I am told things like, I like how you take care of me, or I like how you never get angry or I like how easy it is to be around you.
Honestly, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but somehow it brings out a lot of my insecurities. Like I am a pushover, and it's hard for me to say no at times, and when I do, I feel really guilty. The only time I can say no is to my best friends..
Am I being a people pleaser again? Is that all there is lovable about me? That I am "convinient". And recently a guy went "I don't wanna lose you, coz I don't wanna be alone".
That's the only reason you don't wanna lose me? Not coz I am important or anything? Can't I be loved like in the books? For myself, for my mindset, my personality (that doesn't involve me being a people pleaser), for my dreams and maybe my heart?