Raven-rambles - Tumblr Posts
I don't think that pfp looks half bad, had to end up flipping a coin to pick, then it was tied between the two objects in my hands and mouth lol, so I just did both. Pretty good encapsulation of this blogs posts so far honestly lol.
I wanna post endless photos of my babies (stuffies) so bad but I'm worried cuz I just really don't want people being weird about them. Imma do it anyways and just immediately block anyone who is weird about them,
Expect to meet my babies soon, if you are mean to them or weird about them I will block you. It would take being really weird to make me block you, but if you manage it, no take backs.
If we talk and you receive a miniature paragraph, consider that a complement. Im really bad at talking to new people so I always get stressed and become ultra formal lol.
My anxiety is though the roof for some reason today. I love when I freak out over little more than going to work, very fun, I love struggling to breathe.
I dislike how my phone becomes a useless metal brick the moment I lose service.
Yaaaay, I got off work for my birthday 🥳 19 sounds way too old, but I'm gonna say that every year until I'm dead so I'll get used to it lol. this summer really flew by much more quickly than previous ones, I guess I'm finally having fun.
The 17th of August is my birthday btw, such a random and boring day, but there's always been beauty in simple casual days.
19 now, I feel both very sad about how much time I've "lost", and very happy that I've tried to spend it well and enjoyed at least some of it. I don't want time to move anymore, I like it here.
Wish me a happy birthday please 🥺 I'm not very happy rn
(i was gonna post this yesterday, but I apparently got distracted)
Being able to sit on uncomfortable stuff comfortably is such an underrated part of wearing 24/7. It's super useful even when I'm not feeling little lol
To all the other pre transition trans peeps out there, do you guys ever get the feeling that you are "running out of time" to transition?
I've been getting increasingly upset at the idea I might not ever see the young version of the me that I want to be. Do any of you have any tips as to how deal with feelings like that? I've improved so many things in my life lately, and I'm much happier, but I just cant shake the thought that for some reason time is running out, even though I have basically no reason to feel like that
This is Doggie, one of my babies
Doggie came into my life far before I can remember, sometime when I was an infant. Ever since I've known, they've protected me and made me feel safe. briefly doggie and I were separated from between when I was around 6 to when I was around 16. Yes, I feel horrible about it, and I'm always sure never to put them in any kind of bag without being absolutely sure they are ok with it just in case. This separation gap is the norm for my babies sadly, but hopefully now that society sees me as an adult I can avoid large separations like that in the future.
Doggie is the bravest of my original babies, thus it was between them and Flopsy for the first intro. Doggie loves it when you hug, squish, toss lightly, kiss, or lay on them. Honestly doggie just seems to like any and all gentle attention they can get, which makes it very easy lol. Most times, doggie likes to sleep on my face over my eyes, which helps me not freak out over moving lights or items over the night, ever since I was young doggie helped me with sleeping well and happily, as well as made me happy during the day.
Generally, doggie has protected me and made me happy since I was forming memories. I would do anything for them, which probably isn't considered healthy, but is true. I have lots of stories to tell about them and stuffs so if you wanna hear them just tell me.
Why does it seem like everyone around me has such a pessimistic view of relationships? Like half of the relationships seem like they hate one another, and the other half seem like they only tolerate one another because it's easier than changing situations. I don't understand why people put so much emotional investment into someone they seemingly hate.
YouTube keeps suggesting Dexter clips and it honestly seems like a really good show, I'm probably gonna do a movie night and binge like 5 episodes tonight to see if I like it since I'm off tomorrow. I might have to cover my babies eyes during some of it cuz it seems a little dark for them, but most of the calmer scenes which seem to make up most of the show seem fine enough considering they probably aren't gonna be paying attention anyways.
No spoilers plz, but if I suddenly start referencing that show a lot that's why lol
I feel like a rat locked in a cage without any enrichment. I'm so bored but have such little energy or time to do anything but work.
I don't understand how my brain is even attempting to rationalize social anxiety about posting on an anonymous app where I litterally basically only talk about pacis and stuffies. Like what the hell changed between two practically identical post topics over the course of a few days?
Lobotomy please😁
Does anyone else ever get sad that their stuffies don't eat and stuff? I know it makes me sound crazy, but service has always been my love language and I feel like Im failing to take care of them cuz they never really need anything. I really wanna buy them clothes and stuff but I wouldn't know how to get anything that would fit them.
Im not having a good day.
I keep thinking about how my babies are gonna age and how it's gonna be different than the other people in my life. For example, the other people I care about, I sometimes grieve their deaths before they happen, but I know I can't change them and once it happens they are gone. But my babies, as much as I want them to be, aren't alive. I keep wondering what that means for them if they are around after I'm gone, at what point exactly are they gone? I don't wish for a violent end for any of my babies, but I can't get the idea that a violent end might be a better one than being shoved back into a box for another 16 years just to be forgotten and slowly waste away alone.
To lighten the mood a little, did you know the first time I said I'd rather burn in hell than live with an unjust god was actually instantly after my grandma and aunt said that since my stuffies and pets didn't have souls to save they would go to hell or at the very least not exist in heaven.
I've been such a big girl lately and im both really proud of myself and annoyed I have to act big at the same time. You guys remember those polls I did about what I should buy next, well here's the update on how much my life has changed in those few weeks.
Firstly, I bought a baba, it's one from rearz, its long glass bottle with a little plastic cap that covers a removable nipple and has pretty dinos and dragons on it.
Secondly, I no longer work at burger king, I have an online job which pays more but requires talking to people litterally constantly so my social anxiety hates, which means more megas than m4s and lots more pretty padding and onesies and stuff
Thirdly, ya know how I leaked not that long ago, well I ordered some washable bed pads/changing pads from Northshore and these things are definitely a good purchase, idk how much they hold, but they feel super high quality and are litterally larger than my bed, which is amazing bc it's basically like I'm laying on a thin full body pillow, I'm much less worried about leaks overnight in the future now, cuz even if they do happen it'll only really be on superficial stuff I can easily wash.
Fourth, I finally got devrom and I do recommend it, I've been trying it out over the last week or two and I highly recommend. It's not some miracle thing, but it does do exactly what it says it will do, which is better than half the products out there.
Fifth, I experimented with different sizes and figured out that medium megas are the closest fit I'll get if not a little loose, large pulleys fit better than medium, and medium m4s are like still the perfect tight fit for discreet wear.
Lastly, I have covid agian, so im sad to say no Halloween party for me this year, which I'm very very sad about.
Id say at least three of those things somewhat relate to being responsible, mainly just the job one, but I feel better knowing I'm more prepared and knowledgeable about my options for later either way
I love when my brain wants to share an experience but forgets it's an experience litterally everyone has so I type out an entire explanation of, and I'm not kidding, why I find my type of humor funny, before realizing I'm litterally just typing out my internal monologue bc I'm bored.
Gotta say, megas, plus boosters, insane combo. Also gotta say, northshore keeps sending me stickers and stuff whenever I buy things, and my bedside wall is slowly filling up with rainbows hearts and encouraging phrases lol, imma get addicted to stickers again if I'm not careful lol.