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I'm no expert but I think shipping the guy thats heavily implied to be a rapist with the only character physically incapable of telling him 'no' is perhaps not a good idea! I think the point is that Jimmy is obsessed with control and only shows remorse for Curly because he uses him as a piece of meat to project his guilt onto! Just a thought

This one has a bit of a content warning including sa, domestic abuse, ableism, mentions of dub con/non con, ableist slurs.

So be aware that those are included yet this is a amazing little series and I can’t wait for the other parts and to read how the story unfolds

A Dichotomy of Thought || Masterlist

Ghoap/reader—You move next door to a disabled veteran and his troubled partner. You have troubles of your own.

Part One—Johnny almost dies

Part Two—You give Simon five minutes

Part Three—You light a cigarette

Part Four—Johnny has a seizure

Part Five—Simon makes tea

Part Six—Simon and Johnny argue

Part Seven—Johnny finds a purpose

Part Eight—Poker Night

Fuck all of this bullshit. Blitz heard Angel out, listened to every damn word, and he hated all of it, because he understood. Angel didn't seem to think he would, or could, but that was the damnable misery of shit like their lives: one couldn't help thinking they were suffering more than others somehow, or that there wasn't any way things could get better, or that someone couldn't understand.

The imp's tail wasn't often very animated around people he didn't know well, but he and Angel had been becoming friends recently, and he cared now. So, seeing Angel's distress, hearing it, and feeling his own, his tail started to twitch in sinuous little frustrated movements.

Blitz looked at their hands for a long moment, then shook his head and turned away, letting go. He started pacing.

There was shit he didn't tell people. He didn't tell Stolas. He didn't tell Moxxie. Only one person he could even remotely consider a friend knew, but nobody was going to ask Fizz about it, and Fizz wouldn't squeal on him anyway.

"You don't need to protect me," Blitz said. "If Valenfuckingtino wants to try shit with me, he's welcome to. I've dealt with a lot fucking worse. I know, I know. He's dangerous. It's Hell, everyone's dangerous, everyone's an asshole. And I do." He looked up, golden eyes practically blazing, and stopped pacing. "I do know the life of a sex worker. Not all of them are--completely fucked up by it. And some of them--us," he amended, tears shining momentarily bright in his eyes, "started real fuckin' young, because we didn't get a choice." The anger and shame made his voice break, and he quickly turned away from Angel.

"So Val's a psycho. Who here isn't?" Blitz pressed a hand to his face. "I just... don't want to lose you as a friend, alright? Whether that means I need to march in there and beat the shit out of Val," not that he really believed he could, but Blitz would try, and he would use every resource and trick at his disposal to make it work, "or we just pretend everything's fuckin' fine so we can cope, I don't... just...

"Don't leave. Alright? Please. Don't... leave. Me?"

Continued for @doublejango

Angel felt terrible for laughing, but it was impossible not to. Here was Blitz, thinking that he was going to fuck up Angel? It was the funniest joke he had heard in his afterlife. Sure, he still didn't know Blitz fully to a degree, but they all had their secrets. Especially in Hell. He shook his head, hiding the rest of his giggles at this point behind two of his hands, before snorting and pushing his hands through his hair. "Yeh' hysterical. Good one. If yeh' don't already think ah'm fucked up, yeh' clearly don't know the life of a sex worker."

He stressed, in a way of trying to affirm to Blitz that the imp would never be able to do more damage to him than he had already done to himself. He was certainly caught off guard, however, by the next things out of the smaller's mouth. The way that Blitz developed a sense of anger, enough so that Angel immediately laced his bottom two hands together, wringing them a bit nervously. He could handle anger, but he always prepared for the blow that was to often come from it.

"Ah' ain't wantin' tah' puss out." He stressed, shaking his head. "It's just, yeh' don't know mah' boss. And ah'm tryin' tah' protect yeh' here." Because he cared immensely about his friends, and protecting them, and putting their safety before his own. Before he could even explain just how cruel Valentino could be, Blitz was putting his hand out to him, Angel blinking at it in a bit of shock.

He stared at the extended hand, fighting off the urge to cry at it, taking Blitzo's hand in two of his own and gently squeezing the offer. "Ah' can't." He whispered, hating how broken his voice sounded, hating how much leverage the Overlord had over him. "Ah' can't run away, Blitz. Mah' soul is fuckin' under contract. Ah' literally can't escape because ah'm not...." Free. He couldn't say it. But he wasn't allowed to make his own choices, and he knew it.

"Ah' want this tah' work. This...whatever we have. Ah' like it. Ah' like you." He stressed, punctuating enough that his accent didn't even catch on the word. "But ah'm always gonna have tah' go tah' him first, Blitz. He pulls the strings. And ah' don't...ah' don't want that hurtin' yeh."

Since pregnancy is on the dash today...

So, a couple things about my Blitz & pregnancy. First off, he got himself sterilized about eight years ago and has confirmed (several times, he's paranoid) that it took and is still effective. Blitz cannot get anyone pregnant, not gonna happen.

Anymore.

Because he did once. Putting all of that under a cut though because it's pretty dark and unpleasant.

My Blitz fathered a child when he was about fourteen. Not by choice: Cash, his father, sold him. He didn't even find out until extremely recently that the night resulted in a pregnancy. It is a major point of trauma for Blitz, something he actively tries not to think about and that your muse will not know about unless Blitz has told them.

His kid is about twenty-ish now, an imp who works a brutal job down in the Pit below Hell. Blitz and he have spoken all of one time, once Blitz found out about his existence, and neither of them really knows what to do with this information. The son hates that his father was sexually assaulted multiple times as a teen--because no matter how it's painted, that's what it was, SA, Cash rented Blitz out for many things, not just for relatively innocent stuff like robbing a Goetia house.

Blitz hates that he wasn't told. Not that he really could've done anything about it until recently, but fuck. His kid grew up in one of the worst places in existence. It bothers Blitz. Deeply. Eventually, one day, they may spend more time together, Blitz certainly wants to get him out of the damn Pit, but neither of them is ready yet.

Anyway! Time for me to dive into drafts, now that I've just dropped a big ol' dark pile of headcanons on you.

(And yes, his child is an OC of mine that I will play if anyone ever wants to meet him, but he's not as nice as Blitz gfdhjgdsfh he comes from a much more feral community).

Fuck, why was Moxxie the kindest damned soul? Blitz didn't feel like he had anywhere near enough emotional strength left for a conversation like this. He'd already collapsed once tonight, when he fell to his knees in the alleyway and tried to beat a brick wall senseless, and then maybe again here. He was so goddamn tired that all he wanted was to find somewhere to hide for a few days and just sob or sleep or sob and not sleep, maybe find some darkness to stare into... But Moxxie wasn't going to let that happen. Clearly. Moxxie was a like a star. A real star, something brilliant and sweet and usually so untouchable--

But he was right here.

Blitz looked down at their hands, his eyes half-lidded, then sighed. It would be easy, right now, to dismiss all of this, to say something shitty, put on a grin, and make all of this not matter, rip the meaning away, rip away the weight, and pretend the pain of such a choice was somehow more bearable... but Moxxie deserved better. Moxxie always deserved better.

Gentle as could be, he squeezed Moxxie's hand back, then met his eyes, remembering. There was so much about that night in the jail that would haunt Blitz forever--the truths he had seen in Moxxie's eyes, things he'd recognized immediately from his own experiences, the fragile edges of things trying to come back together that could be torn so easily...

He knelt. Both knees. Still holding Moxxie's hand, eyes closed now, head bent. When he spoke, his voice was oddly gentle, sincere.

"Moxxie. No matter what. Nothing, nothing could have made me leave you behind that night. You're a good person. And even if... even if somehow, leaving you behind would have made everything else better somehow, I wouldn't have. Even if it hurts, knowing how much of a... disappointment I've been to you. It's been worth it. Every second. Having you here. Knowing you're safe. I'm sorry for--sometimes obsessing over that. There was--

"When it happened to me, there was no one who cared enough to stop it from happening again," he said, alluding out loud to the thing they never actually spoke about, an understanding that had always felt too cruel to just bring up. Blitz looked up now, eyes sad, sincere, and covered his other hand over their joined ones. "It made money. I hated it, but money was all that asshole calling himself my father cared about. Fizz knew, I think. He never asked, but when I'd get back and scrub and scrub, he figured it out. But he couldn't do anything. He was on thin ice as it was, always afraid of... not being good enough. That if he took a single wrong step, all stability would come crashing down around him. Barb thought it was funny, when I tried to tell her. And then I realized how... alien the idea was. That she and I didn't live in the same world.

"But you and I--we do. And I hate it. I hate it. And always have. I want you to be safe, Mox. And to know, to never even have to doubt for a single fucking second, that you're...

"That you're wanted. Not just by your wife, but by your other family, too. This dumb asshole who would gladly kill anyone and everyone if it meant keeping you safe." Blitz sighed, closed his eyes again, and shook his head. "I'll do better, Moxxie. I can... always. Do better." The last statement made his throat feel tight, but the promise was a true one, and some promises had to be made.

It was all he had ever wanted to hear from Blitzo. An apology. Acknowledgement that Blitzo had crossed boundaries. Validation.

But it was all wrong. Blitzo was not supposed to be dejected like this. Not so broken and at the end of his own rope that he was experiencing ego death to say it. Moxxie could not then enjoy the moment. 

But nor was he someone to lie just to soften things. “Those things are true…” he admitted. “But it doesn’t mean you deserve to feel like this, Blitz. I hope you know that. I don’t want you to feel bad. Hey…c-can I tell you something?”

He stepped a little closer, looking at the bloody handkerchief.

“When you showed up in jail… I think… I think you…” it was hard to admit it. “Well, you made a big difference for me. I’m here now because of you.” Now he was swiping a tear from his eye. “You’ve been a good friend, Blitz. You were there for me when no one else was. You gave me hope, saved me. You’re not perfect. But that’s okay. We all need to work on ourselves. Maybe little by little…” he took Blitz’s hand “with time. It stops hurting as much. I know…for me it’s been that way. I can’t erase the pain of the past but the more of the present I live, the further away that pain is. I’m here. Millie’s here. Loona’s definitely here. We’re not going anywhere. We’re like family.”

He didn’t let go of his hand, hoping the sign of affection showed he was sincere.

Do you feel like Stolas SA'ed you?

Blitz frowned hard at the person asking him this. He didn't know them, so it really didn't seem like any of their damn business. But all the same, they looked like they cared, and he had to believe they were coming from a good place.

"No," he said, his voice serious, firm. "It wasn't a great situation. It wasn't good for either of us. But even though it was... fucking terrifying at the end when I thought I was losing my business, when I was losing him, even though there were times that I just... felt like shit, like some washed up, reused, half-dried condom he happened to find amusing... that shit? That was on me. How I--fucking... how I fucking..." Blitz closed his eyes and dropped his face into one hand. "How I fucking feel is on me. It's more cause of my depression and trauma than him.

"Like, sure. Go for it, you could argue that with his position and his power, he had me at his mercy and could have done anything to me, that I never could have said No, that he could coerce anything out of me. But you weren't, you know. Fucking there. I was. That was my body on the line, my body in the bargain. And I can tell you this, Stolas never made me feel unsafe. I freaked out once, one time, because the way he touched me reminded me of... something I don't want to remember. And I was going to fucking press on, ignore it, shove that whole bullshit reactiony thing down.

"But Stolas noticed something was off. Stolas cared. More than I did. He put the brakes on. That fucker grabbed me up and just held me until I was breathing right again and it.... you can't... You can look at him and see a demon prince and say oh yeah, no, fuck that guy, he's not perfect, he did some questionable shit, and you can label him a monster.

"But you can't label him as my monster.

"You can't label him for me.

"Stolas didn't force me. He wouldn't. Nights with Stolas were probably some of the safest nights I've ever had. Some of the best. I was actually... you know... fucking happy with him. Even when it still scared me to even admit it to my fucking self. I could have walked away at any time and that bird would've let me. He probably would've gotten up, held the door, and reminded me in his," Blitz's voice cracked, "soft fucking voice," which he loved, God he loved that man's fucking voice, "that I could always come back. When I was ready.

"If you want to blame someone for a fucked up situationship, don't blame Stolas. Blame me."

Tw: sexual assault mentioned, trauma/ptsd, I think that's it? All of this is pretty much just past life, and it's not explicit, just mentioned by name.

Anyone else who experienced trauma in a past life that they haven't experienced in your current life, how do you deal with it?

I haven't ever been SAed in this life but I am pretty sure that I was at least once in a past life [maybe multiple past lifes, Zuki is the one that I am meaning rn]. And I have no real idea of how to go about dealing with this.

I feel shitty cause, like I've said, I have never been through that in this life, but it still affects me about as much as if I had. And I don't really know how to talk about this shit with people cause idk how they would react, even those that support and love me as I am [alterhuman/nonhuman stuff included] but having trauma from my past life that I haven't experienced here is kinda different.

Idk, I just want to know if anyone has any advice or anything for this situation.

Sorry for this type of post, I try not to bring too much stuff like this into my account, but I feel like I need to. I'll try and keep my posts more light-hearted or, at least of course, give trigger warnings or content warnings when they're not light-hearted.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)