Sarcasm - Tumblr Posts
always remember that you've never done anything wrong and never will do anything wrong, but that person who you don't know who just said something that mildly annoyed you online is probably actually a really awful person and you're completely right to harass them and accuse them of whatever you want
*Me introducing my girlfriend*
“Hey guys! Meet my future wife!”
*Me introducing my boyfriend.*
“Hey guys! This is my favorite malewife, boytoy, twink, babygirl.”
It all started with a cat
Words: 1084
Warnings: Suggestive content, no NSFW! Fluff, cursing
Bree speaks: Hi guys, this is officially my third fanfic! I got a new computer, and I am going to start writing more often. My rules and who I write for is up now too! And if you want me to turn this into a series of fanfics, or if you want me to write more about Silly!Reader and Rafe, go ahead and drop a request! Thank you for reading. MAKE GOOD CHOICES TODAY KIDDO.
“TENTH? HOW THE FUCKING SHT-” Is what Rafe could hear steps away from his room in Tannyhill.
How did he get here? Well it all started with a cat.
Rafe was doing drugs as he normally does on these nights. He was trying to quit, but Topper wouldn’t stop his bickering about how he’s a, “prude,” or that he’s becoming a little bitch.
Topper was going through a bad breakup.
That already passed ten months ago.
Sarah Cameron, kook princess, had broken up with him for pogue prince, John B. You’d think he’d get over it. But no. He was smoking weed acting like he had an extra pair of lungs.
Rafe was about to do his line of coke before he saw you. Your friends dragging you to dance. You weren’t drunk, but your favorite song was on. As it blasts through the speakers, Rafe can only hear your laughter and giggles.
Jesus, your laugh was like if the sun and sugar had a baby. So bright and so sweet.
All Rafe wanted was a quick fuck. You were beautiful, but who needs a relationship?
Everyone around him were idiots.
He couldn’t date someone so childish. But doing something else for one night? That was a different story.
Soon enough, your friends were leaving to get drinks while you stayed by and played with a stray cat.
Rafe walked up to you, not caring about Topper's whines. He stood lean and tall. Putting on his, Rafe Cameron, VIP, rich charm. That usually worked.
Usually.
The cat got scared and ran away. All he heard was a gasp and groan. “You scared him away.” Rafe looks at you, his head tilting. “Excuse me?” His eyes widen, you narrow your eyes at him, crossing your arms.
Rafe could not believe his ears. You were mad at him for scaring a cat away?
“Poor little guy was skinny too.” You sigh and shake your head in disappointment. Rafe looks you up and down, confused by your reaction. Any girl on the island would be at his feet kissing them. But you? No, you were mad about a stray cat.
“How can I make it up to you?” Rafe smirks at you, thinking maybe he’s getting somewhere.
Hopefully the bedroom.
“You can go get my cat back.” You whisper sarcastically, rolling your eyes.
It was obvious you didn’t like him as much as he hoped you would. But you wouldn’t guess what happens next.
Yes, you guessed it. He got the cat.
Rafe Cameron wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, even if the challenge was for him to get a cat that scratched him on his face and had a muddy tail.
He was slowly starting to think that this wasn’t just about a challenge.
Rafe comes back, with muddy cargo shorts and blood dripping down his cheek. And a very angry orange cat.
Your eyes widen, you immediately stop talking to your friends running towards him.
“You got my cat.” You murmur, making sure it’s tail doesn’t dirty you. A soft look on your face appears. A look Rafe would kill anyone to see.
“I did.” Rafe huffs, puffing out his chest trying to seem more like a man. Though, getting beat up by a cat isn’t helping very much.
“Thank you.” Rafe smiles softly, a smile only you get now.
“Come on, let's get you cleaned up.” You smile and hold out your hand for him to take, still holding the cat.
He knows he should say no. Men like him don’t have time for relationships. But the way your smiling has him giving away his credit cards and dignity.
Rafe takes your hand and lets you ramble about the cat all day.
He didn’t know that there were so many breeds of cats.
He would never let someone he wanted to sleep with talk this much.
Because you weren’t just a one night stand, you made his night better.
If it wasn’t for you, Rafe would be getting high off whatever drug he could lay his hands on, and having sex with a girl he never would have liked sober. But you were his addiction now, sober or not.
Rafe thanks god he got beat up by that cat everyday.
Even though it started with him thinking it was a wham, bam, thank you ma’am, done deal. He was happy that it ended differently.
Sometimes.
BONUS
“TENTH? HOW THE FUCKING SHT-” Is what Rafe could hear steps away from his room in Tannyhill.
Rafe sighs and leans on his doorway.
“Rafe Jr.” You say to your cat that put you and your beautiful boyfriend together.
“I am going to murder these kids. They didn’t even get the theme! The theme was, “Me irl,” Some kid used the mermaid tail. If they’re actually a mermaid, how are they playing roblox? Huh?! On their shell-phone?” Then after the rambling about a stupid kids game (as Rafe calls it), he hears a gasp. “A shell-phone, Rafe would get a kick out of that.” No he wouldn’t. But for your sake, he’ll laugh when you tell him.
“Baby!” You yell, opening your arms to him. Which he practically runs into.
“Are you playing that dress for less game?” Rafe mumbles as he shoves his face into your chest. You thankfully don’t say anything about him being a pervert.
“Rafe, it's dress to impress and you know this. It's like me saying, "Are you playing little balls with big holes?” You grumble and turn off your ipad that Rafe had bought you after you cried saying everything is laggy.
Rafe hums and nods, acting like he understands. He doesn’t, not one bit.
“I even used the CaseOh code!” You groan. “I tried making myself on dress to impress. Even made Rafe Jr.” You sigh in defeat.
“I bet you did great, princess.” Rafe whispers before kissing you softly. You reciprocate the kiss, running your hands along his abs. Right when Rafe thinks he's going to get lucky, you pull away.
“Have I told you about my shell-phone joke?’
Sometimes he thinks that he’s going soft. He is. But he only says he's happy sometimes because he’s scared of the way you play games. Only you would scream at a game made for children.
But he wouldn’t change it for the world.
So, when somebody asks how he met his future wife, he’ll say, “It all started with a cat.”
Making memes is the only way I know how to cope. I am this close to having a breakdown.
@thanook any exception for infinite feedback loops? Cause you just put tanuki content on my dash.
No, I'm not being immature, I'm having fun. You should try it.
Listen, I’m just saying, of all the people in the Akatsuki Itachi is the last person I would expect to have a tattoo (ANBU).
This tiny ass child had a tattoo, but barely anyone else? Kisame? Konan? Deidara? Nagato???
Kakuzu has his ones from prison but like,,, none of them have just normal not-village-bullshit tattoos. I really feel like Konan should have had tattoos, specifically.
in the next patch larian is going to give tav/durge the dialogue option to call halsin a pervert who just wants to cheat, and then astarion body slams him to the ground and growls, "stay away from my kitten."
darling are you okay. you look like you’ve been tightrope walking the line between reason and madness
The Gang Solves The Bathroom Problem Trailer!
I feel like a Melanie Martinez song rn
✨A Collage✨
I HAVE YET ANOTHER DOODLE! This is Jack. He’s friendly, pretty, and wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Note: This one isn't as well colored as the other, due to .. well.. forgetting how I did it. Well here ya go.
Hey, uh, this was sarcasm. I appreciate the numbers going up but can porn bots please stop following me?
I’m so happy that porn blogs keep following me and my art account 🙄 thank you so much Tumblr.
2020 is like this because all y'all made that stupid pun
Well, can you see clearly now??
I love being in dead fandoms where there’s never new content, nothing ever updates, no one to talk to... Yep. Perfect.
You're obviously lying about being intersex. I saw that picture of your eyes and you look like a normal male. Attention seeker
I usually don't respond to anon hate but this one is really funny. Eyes?? Of all things??? There's no sexual dimorphism in the eyes 💀